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How To Stop Caring About What People Think Of You - Gary Vee

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Gary Vaynerchuk addresses the inevitability of criticism and judgment in a world driven by headline reading and taking things out of context, arguing that caring about public opinion is unnecessary because one's energy level may simply not align with everyone else's preferences. He emphasizes that while he cares deeply about the judgments of his inner circle—family, friends, employees, and acquaintances who have become close—he does not let strangers like "Johnny 97" affect him. Vaynerchuk attributes this resilience to empathy for those seeking a different lifestyle or energy type, humility regarding his own identity, and the realization that social media fame is fleeting; he notes that even if people remember clips of him today, their great-grandchildren might one day view these interactions with curiosity rather than reverence, making it absurd to let transient opinions dictate one's emotional state. The speaker frames negative feedback as an inherent "cost of doing business" when sharing content online, comparing the fight against universal negativity to King Canute trying to stop the tide or getting punched in the face by nature itself. He recounts his difficult childhood as a Russian immigrant from Queens who struggled with language barriers and faced severe bullying, including being forced to drink urine-soaked Pepsi cups at age five and receiving harsh labels like "loser" and "dumb" from teachers in the 1980s without political correctness. Despite failing academically and playing sports where he lost more often than he won, Vaynerchuk learned early on that life is mostly difficult ("it's all [ __ ]") but found joy in rare moments of sunshine, a mindset he believes many people lack because they are too soft or do not love themselves enough to ignore the "ounce of poopy" and focus only on positive outcomes. Vaynerchuk explains that neediness arises specifically when an individual places someone else's subjective opinion above their own self-opinion, noting that if he does not prioritize his mother's views over his own despite her building him, there is no logical reason to value random strangers' opinions more highly. His drive stems from curiosity and a love for the "game" of entrepreneurship rather than revenge or a chip on his shoulder; he admits he could have been an NFL running back but chose business because it allowed him to build brands and connect with people who make him smile. He prioritizes interactions that bring joy, such as jam sessions in Austin at South by Southwest, over traditional leisure activities like golf, sailing, cooking, or watching movies, viewing work not as grinding hustle porn but as a hobby he would pursue indefinitely because it aligns with his genuine interests and brings happiness to the people around him. Looking toward the future, Vaynerchuk asserts that he intends to continue working well into his sixties and seventies because doing what he loves is essential for maintaining joy, contrasting this approach with those who retire early only to lose their zest for life shortly after death. He expresses a strong conviction that he will work forever unless one day he wakes up feeling differently about the trajectory of his career, at which point he would announce retirement immediately and without hesitation. This commitment extends beyond mere survival; he believes in living long enough to reach age 100 while continuing his passions, viewing every business meeting as preferable to passive entertainment because it offers intellectual stimulation and connection with clever, thoughtful people who can engage him in meaningful discourse about the future of their industries.
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talk to me about how you deal with criticism and the inevitable ups and downs of success you're someone that has got both by being empathetic to it being a reality of life it's inconceivable that you want attention and you're not going to have judgment in a world that is obsessed with taking things out of context and only headline reading there's no common sense to that I don't take it personal I care about the Judgment of the most inner circles that I have family and friends employees inner circles acquaintances that became friends like I can't be upset if Johnny 97 thinks I'm a [ __ ] because my energy is too much I'm also empathetic I know that my Alpha competitive high energy Jersey like I know what this is that's not for everybody some people want to Zen out if you want to Zen the out I'm not your guy and so I'm just too empath pathetic I also think it's humility at the end of the day I'm like who the am I gives a if I die tomorrow what's going to happen I'll get 24 hours of Love on social right people be like oh man this what the like you know like and then a year later do you remember Gary V 100% and luckily we live in an era where we're more like all of us are more like the most famous people in the world like we'll live forever like a clip from this like do you know how cool it is that our great do you know how fun it will be this is insane your and my great great great grandchildren will somehow realize cuz last names things will change but somehow if they became great friends would somehow family tree it and be like holy [ __ ] and they're gonna hey hey Jeremiah 794 like they will literally watch this do you know how cool that is but at the end of the day how do I handle it humility and empathy talk to me about just that immediate emotional reaction I think that overcoming that is something that a lot of people struggle with well I think that's right you know look I I I think you know it's nice in the in the the the stark contrast with with the nice perspective and I I don't disagree um price it in is the cost of doing business cost of doing business you put things on the internet people are going to say mean stuff to you and fighting against that is like King canut trying to stop the tide but that do you know fighting yes okay you know some people like like getting punched in the face yes I'm friends with Tim Kennedy yes I like getting punched in the face that's my answer I don't know what else to tell you y it's your nature it's my nature I was [ __ ] on my whole life I was a Russian immigrant I came over here Russia was the bad guys when I came here so I got [ __ ] on in grade school I didn't speak English when I mo i this is a story I tell very rarely very rarely I think I've done it once or twice I'm going there I often talk about I lived in people that really know me my story is I went from Queens to Edison New Jersey Edison New Jersey where I became a Jets fan and entrepreneur but it's not fully true Queens to Dover for a year then Edison Dover doesn't make my story I never understood why but I'm starting to tap into it it was bad because I didn't speak English and because I went outside a lot I got picked on a lot and it was a rough neighborhood I remember one story that's the main story I remember of that era where I saw the kid pee in the Pepsi cup like by the tree and they came over and the seven of them bullied me to drink it I was five five and I kind of like tried like if I I don't it's very blurry I mean it's 43 years ago but like I didn't speak English obviously when you're an animal like a human at five you know what's happening but like then I was a terrible student I was D's and Fs and this was the 80s there was no political correctness my teachers literally would look me in the face these are grown-ups they're your teachers you look up to them they're like you are a loser you're dumb you're going to fail you're going to be a garbage man then I also love sports I played Sports all the time do you know what happens when you play sports you lose a lot you win sometimes but you lose a lot video games this and then I sold stuff I did lemonade stands I would sit on tingly Lane in Edison New Jersey as a nine-year-old and I would watch Millions let me let take a step back I would see hundreds of cars drop by and not stop for my sign and occasionally get one I live life under the mindset of it's all [ __ ] but it doesn't matter the [ __ ] doesn't matter it's the sunshine the occasional sunshines that is everything and I think people live the reverse a little ounce of poopy makes them cry because they soft because they're not hard enough because they're not loving themselves I love myself too much to give a about you I don't know what else to tell you I don't want to be delusional I don't want to be living in my own EOS I respect other opinions I internalize for processing other opinions but I have no interest in putting your subjective opinion about me above my opinion above me that's how I deal with it neediness occurs when you place someone else's opinion of you above your opinion of you period I don't put my parents opinion above me I don't even if I'm not gonna do that my parents who I love the most who built me if I'm not putting my mom's opinion about me above me on me how the am I gonna do that about Charlie or Rick or Susan or hassim you I'm interested in what drives you now I get when there's a point to prove that when you're an immigrant that when you've been picked on that when you've been told Los fun you know what's funny my my my spirit doesn't come from that chip on the shoulder even though I just spoke with passion about it mine's about curiosity of I like the game I'm curious in a wild I would have loved to been a professional athlete I'm so sad I wasn't that would have really really satisfied me because the data was there if I was a running back in the NFL I would have been it would have been over and I would have ranked 97th in career rushing yards 400th in career touchdowns right uh 18th in receptions by running back and I could have like I would have enjoyed that I would have been like ah good for Barry Sanders he was better than me and like you uh Ricky Williams I was better than you that's what drives the [ __ ] out of me in entrepreneurship I love this game of brand building and business building it you know as a I'm talking what drives me as a as a professional as a human what drives me is to be happy as often as possible and and interact with the people I like the most as often as possible but so much of what I love and what makes me smile is the friendships I make through the process of business the family I make through business it's so fun for me and I'm curious I love where I'm at right now I've done well but there are unlimited people on stats that have done better than me but I have a sneaky feeling that I'm going to catch up and so what drives me is I think I've been built for the fourth quarter of my whole life I alluded to it earlier everything I've been building is for 60 to 70 so do you still want to be working in grinding when you're 60 and 70 of course cuz it's my hobby I don't want to do anything that I don't like I was a dnf student because I didn't like it I was smart enough to get B's and C's but I didn't even have that gear in me if you said to me hey can hey great interview do me a favor can you help me H hang this picture real quick I'd be dead i' I'd ra literally rather give you like lots of money or like do any like I would go on a conference call to all of your employees for 14 hours that I don't have sooner than help you hang that picture so of course I want to do that because I don't think of it as grinding I don't think of it as hustle porn I think of it as doing the thing that brings me the most Joy I would rather be in a business meeting than on a golf course I would rather be in a business meeting than sailing I would rather be in a business meeting than cooking i' would rather be in a business meeting than watching a movie I'd rather be really watching the Jets having dinner with my family love dinners with people love Jam sessions it's so fun to be in Austin this is where I learned to love it South by South West on the ground in hotel rooms give me 25 7 198 13 smart people clever people thinking people thoughtful people and just Jam about it I'll take that over B working every day the week but there's just not a lot of garage sailing I know that's like a funny like people like a lot of the kids because my Tik Tok videos go a lot of the kids think of me as the garage sale guy because my Tik Tok videos do like I just but even that's business marketing buy sell trade you know I really love it and so of course I want to be doing like I I I mean I you know there you hear these stories I'm sure this has cross your Paths of the people who retire at 81 and then die at 82 I know why they thought it was what they were supposed to do and it took the life out of them I I have two important things to say about this one I'll do this forever and I really hope to live to at least 100 doing it two I'm incredibly excited of making my last social media post a split screen of this where I just ranted here and now 71-year-old me is making video and saying today's the day I'm retiring both from running businesses and making content this has been the great joy of my life I love all of you I hope that all the archives of everything I've put out can bring value to all of you but today was the day I woke up and I said I don't like this anymore so you're open to this trajectory not continuing in the way that you see it right now in a way that would make your head spin in equal visceral high energy of like the day I wake up and like this [ __ ] I'm out in the in the same way that I have full conviction as I sit here right now that that day will never come in other news this episode is brought to you by netsuite the less your business 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heading to netsuite.com sodern that's netsuite.com slod thank you very much for tuning in if you enjoyed that clip you will love the full length 2hour long podcast with Gary which is available right here go on give it a tap