How to Not Care What Others Think | Tom Bilyeu AMA

Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of AMA, which is ask me anything. Uh today we're not going live as I'm sure you can tell, but we have compiled a bunch of your questions that were sent in over the various social platforms including the ever steady connect at impacttheory.com which you can send your questions in ahead of time if ever you want to. First question comes from Imani Imane Najari, one of the two. How do I not How do I not care? How do I not care about what people think about me? I know I should not care, but it's really hard for me not to and it usually affects my motivation and productivity. Okay, so this is about getting a hold of your emotions. So I think all of us have a desire to be looked at favorably especially by the people that we care about that we respect, but you have to like Victor Frankl said understand that there's a gap between stimulus and response. And in that gap you have the ability to choose something as a way of reacting that isn't your emotions dictating that. So you're going to have an emotional reaction. When you do something that people disapprove, almost certainly certainly happens for me, you're going to feel that sting of like, oh that sucks. I really wanted people to be behind me. I really want people to cheer. I really want people to clap for me. That's amazing. But at the end of the day, you've got to be able to say what is my goal and what reaction to this stimulus actually moves me towards my goal. And that needs to be the thing that overrides everything else. So step one is having that clear goal, knowing what you're trying to accomplish, and then step two is the ability to assess whether or not your emotion, that which is the subconscious speaking to your conscious mind. So if you think of emotions as the subconscious which um processes data in a faster and vaster as they say fashion, meaning it can process a whole lot of information that your conscious mind would not be able to process through rapidly and it can do it much more quickly. So it coughs up instead of speaking in the language um of that little voice you actually hear articulating words in your head, it's coughing up an emotion. So, it's all of that experience, all of the things that our brain does to make sure that we protect ourselves, that we don't get ostracized by the group, which makes sense in a evolutionary context, but not so much in a modern context. That's why the subconscious is speaking in emotion. But, you can take that emotion and say, "Hey, this doesn't make sense for my goal. Feeling badly about myself, worrying about what other people think about me, it's only going to slow me down, it's only going to hold me back. I need to be able to trust my instincts, which I have trained, and now move towards what um my goals demand." And so, when you're able to do that, when you're able to read the emotion, check to see if there's a lesson to be learned, but if there's um in wallowing in that emotion, if it's going to move you away from your goals, then you set that to the side. And practicing that, and getting good at that, and filtering everything to your goal is how ultimately you're not going to um spend a lot of time caring about what other people think. And so, the savior for me has been the belief um and the part of my identity which says I only do and believe that which moves me towards my goals. So, obsessing over negative thoughts about what other people think doesn't, and so I just let it go and move on. And it literally comes down to what you allow yourself to think about. So, just stop yourself using cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, stop yourself from thinking about what other people think. All right, next question is from Jody Demink. "Hey Tom, I'm 20 years old and I've done some real soul searching over the past few years. I am certain that I don't want the conventional life, and I want to do my own thing, but whenever I start something, I quit because I find I'm not really passionate about it, enjoying it, but I fear I may not just want it bad enough. How do I differentiate between being honest with myself and just pure laziness?" Jody, this is an amazing question, and first of all, it is addressed brilliantly by Duckworth, Angela Duckworth, in the book Grit, which you guys are going to want to read that. Absolutely phenomenal book, and it breaks down how it's a very natural process to begin something, to be very excited, and then as you go down that process to realize, yeah, I actually don't like this. It's not giving me as much energy as I thought it would. It's taking energy away, and therefore I want to give up and quit that thing. And she said, "If you do that once or twice, like hey, so be it. But if you're doing it every time, if you just love that initial rush, that excitement of something new, but the actual nitty-gritty reality of getting good at it, of doing what Michio Kaku calls having butt power, meaning you sit your butt in the seat and you do the work, if that's really your problem and nothing is interesting enough for you to sit there and do the work, you haven't developed grit yet. And so grit is the ability to persevere, to see things through, to go past the point at which it has stopped being fun and it becomes boring because you believe in your end goal enough, you're excited by what you're trying to accomplish so much that you're willing to fight through all of that difficulty. You're willing to fight through the boredom, you're willing to fight through the unease that arises when you step outside your comfort zone, you're doing things you're not good at, and things that are boring. Those are the two things that I find kill most people. They just cannot handle the things that make them go, "Oh god, like I'm not very good at this, and I'm feeling really badly about myself." And they forget that they can get good on a long enough timeline. And then two, inevitably, in any pursuit of greatness, in any endeavor where you're trying to gain mastery, you're going to get bored. Because practice is repetition. It's doing something over and over and over and over to really train yourself to get to the point where you're truly exceptional, and there's just so much boredom inherent in that process. So building in the resilience to see all that stuff through is the key part of grit. So, um, take that. That's the nugget that you want to apply, but I would also recommend that you go and read Angela Duckworth's book Grit. It's phenomenal, and she goes into more detail. All right. Alberto Garza, "Do I need to a solid idea of the person I am today in order to be the person I want to become? Yes, I think that would be very powerful for you. The ability to accurately self-assess is incredibly powerful. Now, people that have the highest levels of self-delusion also have the highest levels of happiness. It's one of the great ironies of being a human. So, this is advanced class but you don't want to spend too much time looking really rawly at where you are and how bad you are at this thing that you're trying to do. But at the same time, you do need to be able to accurately assess where you are. Now, the key that I've found to being able to stare at nakedly your inadequacies is that you have to build your self-esteem around something else. But when your self-esteem is tied around this, it can be pretty gnarly emotionally to spend a lot of time looking at that, which is why people don't do it. But if you build your self-esteem around this little thing here that I'm doing with my fingers, which is the willingness to look at that, to get better, to sincerely apply yourself to getting better, to recognize that the only difference between who you want to be and who you are is a set of skills and that you can acquire those skills, but first you have to understand where you actually are and where you're trying to go. And then be able to identify that chasm that you have to cross. And if you take your pride, your self-esteem from the willingness to cross that chasm, then suddenly you actually get self-esteem by looking at that, by assessing where you really are. And so, that is one of the most powerful things that anybody can do. So, I highly recommend you guys spend your time there. All right. Daniel Breeze, the man, the ever contributor to Impact Theory. Thank you, Daniel, for your question. How do you deal with wanting to help those closest to you while knowing that until they take action, there's nothing you can do? All right, I'm going to quote my boy Naveen Jain, and he said that don't worry about leading a horse to water, try to make them thirsty. And I thought that was brilliant because when somebody's thirsty, when they really want that thing, then they're going to go and do it of their own accord. You don't have to worry about leading them to water. Now, this is one of the most difficult things to do, which is to get somebody thirsty. Now, first, before I explain how to make them thirsty, I'm going to say that meet them with compassion. I wouldn't spend a lot of time and energy trying to change them or even try to make them thirsty. I think the vast majority of your time with the people closest to you that you love the most, you should just spend it loving them. You should spend it being happy to have a relationship with them, of being able to have themselves and yourself in good enough health to be able to enjoy each other's company. So, even though I get it, trust me, I get it. I know why you want to make change, spend your time just being compassionate with where they are. Now, if you want to make them thirsty, the key is to find some hook, some emotional resonance with them, something that they're excited about becoming, some goal that they're amped about having, some way that is pleasure-based to get them to go down that path because that's what that thirst really is. That's what that hunger to learn really is, is it's something that is grabbing a hold of the pleasure sensors in your brain and making you want to do it. And that's the key to anything. That's why people say stay hungry. you've got to still want that thing. You've got to be driven by something internal. You've got to be moving towards something and not just away from something. So, that's really critical. And then I will say also that find out what is that person's language. Do they naturally move towards things or away from things? Are they somebody that operates out of excitement or out of fear? What's their language of appreciation? How can you talk to them in a way that they're really going to understand and internalize? Um but a lot of times, the punchline of all of this with those closest to you is simply live your life, and when they see you lit on fire, excited about the things you're pursuing, and you're not trying to preach to them, you're just doing your thing, and and see it, and they see how amped you are, and you share that enthusiasm with them without trying to preach or trying to convince them of anything, you're just letting them see how excited you are, then over time, some of them will want that excitement in their own life, and they will ask the magic question, which is how do you do that? And then you can give them a much more direct answer, but till then, I would say meet them with compassion, and just try to show them your level of enthusiasm for what you do. Vipin Tyagi What advice do you have for dealing with FOMO? For those who don't know, fear of missing out. For those in their 20s, I understand the necessity of the grind, but sometimes become distracted by thoughts of how I should be perhaps devoting more time to friends, dating, etc., since those things matter as well in life. How do I settle this in my mind so I'm not constantly at battle with the two sides? Thanks. All right. This is super important. I want everybody to stop what you're doing. I want you to lean in, and I want you to really hear me, and remember this is coming from the guy that's like do or die, do the work. In fact, I think yep, I have that shirt on right now. Today's episode is brought to you by do the work. Go to shop.impacttheory.com right now and get yourself signaling. Now, having said all of that, and I really do believe that, because it makes sense in my life for what I want to accomplish and what I want to do, but the reality is there isn't a better way to live your life. There's no right way and wrong way. There is only the way that gives you more energy. There is only the way that gives you fulfillment. When you have those things, when you're fulfilled by what you're doing, and it's giving you the heart of you pursuing it, it's giving you more energy, you're on the right path. As the Greeks would say, say the say go low the Roma. I can't believe I messed that up. Say go low the Roma, which means you're on a good road. And that's what I want people to understand. Like, yes, I preach a or I preach a very specific path, but I don't think that it is a universal path. And so, the only universal path is to do the things that give you fulfillment and energy. So, if spending time with your friends gives you that, then you should be spending more time with your friends. If dating gives you that, then you should be dating. So, you don't need to want to be the best in the world at something. You don't need to want to make a lot of money. You don't need to want to be an entrepreneur. Like all They're literally just stand-ins. They're proxies for fulfillment and energy creation. That's it. So, those are the punchlines of what's the meaning of life and all of that stuff. It is to do something that makes you feel a deep sense of well-being, which I'll call fulfillment, and something that gives you energy, where you're literally excited to attack the day. That's it. All right, Michael Richards. The Michael Richards from Seinfeld? Wow, that'd be amazing. For those wondering, I've contacted my doctor on this never-ending cough. Excuse me. My friend, mentor, and I have been working together for about a year now developing both of our passions further. Uh it has always been a mutually beneficial relationship, but now he has asked me to come work for him full-time. How would you approach the transition to employee-employer? I would approach it with absolute raw and unadulterated honesty. People treat you exactly the way that you let them treat you. You guys are about to move into a very different dynamic in your role. You're going to want to know what your expectations are of them, what their expectations are of you. You want to have that all clear and up front. You want to make sure that you understand um how to communicate in this new role. You want to make sure that those channels are open so that if something starts to not feel good, you guys are communicating it, you're not internalizing it. This all comes down to Ray Dalio's principles. Read that book. If you're both open to two things, these are the important two things. Write these down. This should be the fundamental core of every relationship you have, business or personal. Number one, you need to be able to hear truth. And number two, you need to be able to speak truth. Those are the two most foundational skills that anyone should develop in terms of communication. You need to be able to hear truth and speak truth. Now, a lot of people can do one or the other, but not both. Some people have a very easy time criticizing others and telling them what they're doing wrong, but they can't hear it themselves. And other people can actually hear it, they don't mind that, but they have a really hard time communicating that to other people cuz they don't want to hurt their feelings or whatever. So, make sure that you're able to do both. That is an absolute cornerstone of communication. So, if you guys have that, you'll be just fine. Lucian Millette. How do I get over my block of I am never good enough, especially when my significant other has high expectations, but does not support me in reaching those expectations? Okay, so we have two issues. So, first of all, getting over your block of I'm not good enough. For me, the thing that absolutely destroyed all of that is my unflagging belief in one simple thing. I can learn anything. So, I may not be good at that thing now. I may really not be good enough. Like when I think about building a studio to rival Disney, I'm not good enough yet. There is a huge chasm in skill set between me and Bob Iger and being able to do that. I fully understand that. And I have to do something different, which is found is create all the energy, whereas Bob Iger came in way I mean, they've been in business for like 75 years or something by the time he came along. So, it is a really intriguing skill set to be able to both build and create something, scale it, and then run it once it's big. So, I know full well that I am not yet the person that I need to be in order to do that. And so, my time and energy is spent in building that skill set. So, I don't freak out over the fact that I'm not good enough. It's very easy for me to admit. I instead spend my time thinking about how do I acquire those skills in order to actually become good enough. So, don't let your self-worth be tied up in that notion of good enough. Humans are the ultimate adaptation machine. From that, I derive my sort of high-level sense of worth that, "Hey, every human being has worth because they're an ultimate adaptation machine, and they can become anything they want." That's just really cool and amazing. And then also, I just am deeply compassionate for the human condition. So, yeah, regardless of where people fall on that path of actually executing against that potential, um I get it, man. Being a human is both beautiful, amazing, all this potential, and it's really hard. So, have compassion for yourself, which I think is incredibly important, and know that this is hard. And then, believe that you can become anything that you set your mind to. And then just be honest with yourself. You don't have to want to be the greatest in the world. So, whether you let somebody else apply those high standards to you or not is completely your choice. Just remember, it's a choice, and you're not not great because you can't be. You're not great because you haven't applied yourself to that. So, that is the key. For me, like, understanding that my life is an exact reflection of my choices is entirely liberating. So, remember, your life is an exact reflection of your choices. If you want a different result, you simply need to make a different choice. Vantyle Yanito, that's a name right there. Should I try executing from the start, or should I learn to get to the level needed for mastery first? Ultimately, the question is experience or knowledge. So, my advice is nothing. There is no more data-rich information stream than experience, than going and diving into it, trying something, failing, learning from that. So, I never worry about whether or not I fully know how to do what I'm about to do. I go into it. However, I am trying to fiendishly get as much experience as I can as humanly possible. So, like with comics, I knew nothing about it, but I was making a pledge long before I knew anything about it, hiring people against it, taking steps to move in that direction. But as fast as I could, I was learning as much as I could about the industry, and I continue that education to this day. And that's been That's a huge uh first step for us in terms of building the TV and film stuff that we're doing. And so, I'm doing both. I'm getting in it, I'm learning, and let me tell you that doing it is going to teach you far faster than anything else. Um but I don't worry about whether or not I have mastery before I act. If you do that, you're never going to act. So, I would say it's it's really parallel paths. It isn't one and then the other, it's doing both at the same time. Brandon Alexander Carl, in the early days of your business, how did you deal with business debt, and how did you fuel your success? All right. So, in the beginning, you're really going to have to be a direct seller, meaning if you spend a dollar, you need to get a $2 return on that. And so, not taking in debt, if at all humanly possible, is my advice. Now, if you just don't have any way to start, um then you might if you if your business idea speaks to it, and you know how to raise capital, then I would say go raise capital. And I wouldn't be overly sensitive about the ownership. I'd be way more sensitive about the control. That matters a lot to me, personally. Maybe it doesn't matter as much to you, but that's a big deal to me. So, if you don't have the capital, go get somebody else's capital, but that means that you really have to be passionate about the idea, you have to understand how to execute against the idea, and you have to be willing uh and able to convince other people that you're worth that investment. Now, if you're none of those things, then you're going to want to do something like affiliate marketing, which has virtually zero startup costs. You're leveraging someone else's product. You're even leveraging their sales infrastructure, and you need only put up a website. Uh you're going to have to create content, but that can be written content, so it doesn't have to cost you any money. But at some point, to do a business, you have to be better than other people at something. And whether that something is social content, whether that something is um SEO, whatever it's going to be, you've got to be better at other people than somebody in that thing that you're better at has to lead to sales. There's just no way around that. But these days, literally with no startup costs, you can start a business. Now, I'll give you an example. The one business I started that had absolutely no startup capital was Billy Photography. It was, I think, the very first real business that Lisa and I did, and that was literally I had a camera that I'd gotten for my birthday, and I took headshots with it. And that was it. And I charged people, God, back then it was like $300 for an hour session, which for me was like unbelievable. I couldn't believe I was getting paid that much. And so, then from there you learn very quickly, oh, but I have to go process the film and all that. And what does that do to my expenses? Blah, blah, blah. So, but in all of that, I didn't need any startup capital. I was able to get it going and get it off the ground for nothing. And then later, I did some affiliate marketing as well. Again, same thing. It cost like literally what, $8 a year to buy a domain name. So, I mean, it's virtually nothing. You can spin up Amazon Web Services anyway. I don't I'm not going to get into the specifics, but there you go. Affiliate marketing if you have no other way. Jonathan Serrano, what books are you reading to understand the world of comics? Okay, so, one, I listen to a lot of podcasts. Two, there's a book called Self-Publishing Comic Books or How to Self-Publish Comic Books and Not Just Write Them, I think is the exact title. It's very long. It's by the guy who does Devil Devils Do Comics. I highly recommend that book. It is, if you're into this business, it is really informative. And it would have saved me about $10,000 in legal fees had I read that a year ago. So, the most expensive book I've ever read. But yeah, I would do that. I would listen to podcasts. I don't have the podcast that I listen to memorized. Forgive me. But hit me up socially and I can ping you with with stuff if you have a continued interest. All right, Blake Reed, any advice on how to determine if your goals are super specific? Um, and getting feedback from someone on where you where your plan might fail. Okay, so yes, I've all kinds of advice on this. So, number one, figuring out if your plan is specific enough, if you know exactly what to do right now at this moment to take a very concrete and real step forward, meaning it's not thinking about something, it is actually doing something, then chances are that you have a very specific goal. Now, if you can map out all of the steps that you're going to need to take to get where you're going, and that when you tell it to people, there's an internal logic to it. It may not work, by the way, but at least there's an internal logic and people are like, "Yeah, I get it." That might actually work. Then you've got a very specific goal. But if it's and this is the best example that I can give, in fact, I'll give you an example. The The one that I normally give is from the Olympics. And when people come and say, "I want to I want to win a gold medal." Okay, a gold medal in what? The Olympics? Great, summer or winter? You guys have heard me talk through that before, and it gets all the way down to exactly what event in what sport that you want to do it so that you know how to train. And that's really where that level of specificity Now, an example from my own life. Okay, I want to make I want to pull people out of the matrix, right? That's spiritually very interesting, but then I need to really define that. What does that mean? Okay, it's all about limiting beliefs. All right, I want to get rid of people's limiting beliefs and give them empowering beliefs. Okay, that's really specific. Now I can start to think about how do you do that? Once you know exactly what you want to do, I want to In fact, I'll go even more specific, cuz this is the truth. At scale, I want to be able to switch out limiting beliefs in somebody for empowering beliefs, even if they're antagonistic to change and a growth mindset. That's really the mission statement in my head, the one that I don't often articulate and I just say we want to pull people out of the matrix. So, the keys of at scale, that it needs to work on somebody who is actively antagonistic to change and they're actively antagonistic to a growth mindset. How do I get them to have an empowering belief system? Okay, now that's specific and you can execute against that and it was very easy for me to step back and look at all of that starting with how do people change their beliefs? Looking at neuroscience and just seeing one answer come up over and over and over. Narrative. Okay, narrative. Well, if I know I'm going to be in the world of narrative, what are the areas of narrative? There are five. Uh books, comic books, TV shows, movies, video games, maybe a sixth VR in the future, but right now those are the dominant forms of narrative. I'm not saying there aren't other splinter factions, but those are the dominant forms of narrative. Okay, cool. And then breaking down who's doing that well and there's now social um content that you can publish that speaks to a lot of this. That's obviously what we're doing here. And then you've got traditional narrative content, uh which is what we're doing on the comics and ultimately film and TV. And you can see you just you start working it back. Once I was able to see, okay, I can create a plan of execution, I knew that my goal was specific enough. If I was like, oh, this starts getting nebulous in the middle of how I actually execute against that, then I would say I need to make my goal more specific. Blake Reed. Nope, that was the one we just did. Marie Baker. Do you journal? If so, do you keep to a specific topic and how often do you do it? I don't do what most people would call journaling. I did very briefly and I actually found it useful to be honest. Uh but I didn't find it useful enough to make it a permanent part of my morning routine. So, um what I do is I keep notes on everything. So, every time I have an idea, I write it down. I write it down. I write it down. I'm obsessive about writing things down. And so, I have two lists that I keep. One is called important things ideas, which I like to then differentiate to important things. My important things list is what I should be doing. I should be executing against this. My important things ideas, those are things that like, hey, this might be interesting. I should really think through this more, that kind of thing. Or maybe it seems a little bit crazy, but I don't want to forget it, I'll write it on important things ideas. And then I'll go, as I chip away at my important things list, I'll go over to my important things ideas, and see if there's anything that's matured enough that I can move it over to my important things list, which is pure execution. Um so, that's that, and then I write something on one of those two lists almost every day. I won't say it's every day, but wow, it's got to be 95% of days, and that includes weekends that I'm writing something on one of those two lists. Um and that comes from largely really caring about your goal, and then getting energized by what you're pursuing. So, if the things that you do, if executing against important things, if all of that is giving you more energy than it takes, then suddenly it's fun to think about that stuff, and you'll find yourself thinking about it all the time, all the time, all the time. Benny M. Oh, no, did I miss one? Yes. Dan G. Ingram. What legacy do you want to leave the world? I don't really think in terms of legacy, but I'll give you an answer that you'll take as legacy, um anyway, which is what's the impact that I want to have on the world, and that is I want to, at scale, pull people out of the matrix. So, I want to give people an empowering belief system. I really think that that is what um I have built my skill set to execute against that will give me the deepest level of fulfillment. I absolutely love doing that. I love that it implores uh employs my understanding of narrative and psychology and all of that. Endlessly fascinating. I love that I get to create social content, build community, things that just really, really mean something to me. Um so, that's what I want to do. The reason I don't think of it as legacy is um I'm not worried about something living beyond me. I mean, that would be great, but the reality is I want to enjoy my time on this earth. I want to do something while I'm here, while I can experience it, that I think is value add, that makes me feel good about myself, um that gives me that deep sense of fulfillment. Um so, because I think of it so so about the now, like I wouldn't do something that was going to be remembered forever but made me completely miserable in my one go-round here. So, that's why I don't think of it as legacy, but I'm sure that answers your question. All right, Benny M. Are video games a waste of time? I'm 48. I have been told all my life that video games are a big waste of time. I'm torn. They give me so much pleasure, but on the other hand, I can waste hours and hours gaming. Okay, so this comes down to goals, purely. We started this episode by talking about there is no right way to live your life. So, if you're playing games and you love it and it gives you a sense of fulfillment, and you're exploring mastery, and you just love being in that universe, and it's helping you improve sets your skill set, which it does me, and you love that, and it's making you better at something else you really care about, then I could see totally giving yourself over to that. Or if you love creating games and you have to play them in order to be able to go out and create something amazing for other people, and you love that, then truly there's no conflict between playing games and doing what I think provides people with the most fulfillment, which is to build a set of skills that not only serves you but serves other people. If it is just purely a thing of pleasure for you, like doing things you think are awesome, that you think are rad, like I totally get that, and building in time in your life to do that is is amazing. But if it's not helping you generate a deep sense of fulfillment, and you're conflicted, and you feel like like sometimes where it's like, "Oh man, did I really just spend like six or seven hours playing that game?" And oh, I feel a little bit icky about that, then it's like, "Okay, it's It becomes a little bit like I think about drinking." Which drinking alcohol is fun, it makes me feel like I'm suppressing the urge to dance on a table, but it moves me backwards from a longevity standpoint, and at the end of it, uh I didn't really get anything. It was a very transient experience. So, I do it occasionally, call it three or four times a year with my wife. It's a lot of fun, I really enjoy it, but I definitely limit the amount of time that I do it. So, that may be where video games fall for you. For me, I spend video game time with my wife and my sister. We play as a fire team, so that's already fun. It's bonding for the three of us, and then second, it's huge for me in learning to calm my anxiety because it's the only thing that I can think of where it feels like they're really high stakes, but there's actually no stakes whatsoever. So, your heart is racing, your anxiety spikes, and you can practice rapidly calming it down. So, that's been a way for me to engage with video games and sort of kill multiple birds with one stone, um and keeps it from at all ever feeling like a waste of time. But, I have rules around it. Like, I almost never play by myself. I'm always playing uh with my family so that you get that extra element of bonding, and then I really do uh force myself to practice going out of the sympathetic nervous system into the parasympathetic. So, that's my take. All right, Ricky Kasupanen. What should I do if things I want to succeed What should I do if things I want to succeed in constantly feel as if it's a competition? It feels as if it hinders me from finding value in improving myself. Hmm, I don't entirely understand um your perspective on the question, but I will say this. Being a competition is not a bad thing, and I think that being willing to compete with others is a sign of confidence. It's a willingness to put yourself out there to really see if the skills that you're gaining actually have real-world utility or not. For a long time, I was afraid to compete with people cuz I thought I was just going to lose at everything, and I thought that that meant that I was bad and untalented and worthy, all of that stuff, and so I just avoided it like the plague cuz I never wanted anything to make me feel like less of myself. Then, I realized I can get better at anything at any time, and if I really care about winning at something, then I can pour myself into getting great at that thing. And if I don't care about that thing enough to get great at it, then just enjoy it, and whether I win or lose is pretty irrelevant. So, I wouldn't be afraid of competition. Now, you find that it hinders you from finding value in improving yourself because it has a competition. That's the part that I don't understand. So, Ricky, if you want to send us in a little bit more clarification on that, I can go deeper. Otherwise, hopefully the first part of that answered your question. Dan Conrad, if you were creating a plan for personal development to be more intentional about growth, what would be some essential pillars and tasks to include, and what metrics would you use to help assess your progress at each of your goals? Um So, really the last part about making sure that I have the metrics by which to judge whether or not I'm moving towards my goals is going to be the important part. And that's really how I judge my progress. So, um keeping a list of the steps that you're going to need to walk down in order to get where you're going. So, like I'll give you a really uh great example. So, if I believe that film and TV is the ultimate way in which you can change the narrative in somebody who's antagonistic to that change, then okay, I know that I need to get to that point. It's very easy to assess everyday whether or not I've got a TV or a TV show or film being made. Um so, we wanted a way where we could follow a traditional path so that it wasn't this binary all or nothing moment. So, we want to start at comics. Comics is very easy to understand if I publish one or not. Um and so, we're able to march towards that because we can afford to do it. So, I know I can create a comic. No one is going to be able to stop me from doing that. People can stop me from doing TV and film because the expense is so extraordinary that I'm not willing to just do that, um you know, without convincing others to join me in that endeavor financially. But, comics I can. So, comics becomes that very easy road to get something across the finish line, to figure out whether or not it resonated, figure out whether or not we're building community, and then leverage that to pitch to film and TV. Um so, our belief is that if we get enough intellectual property at the comic book level that we will be able to build community around that. With community I really believe we'll be able to get that turned into a film or TV show. So, it becomes that very clear path of whether or not that I'm making progress on getting the comic published and then it'll become the very clear path of whether or not I'm building community around that or not. And if it resonates enough to build community then I know that I did something right. If it doesn't then I need to go back to the drawing board and start over and just keep replicating that process over and over and over until it works or until I realize that it's not my execution of the process that's flawed. It's actually the process itself. It's the very path is broken. Um, so that's it. All right, last question. This is from Russell Reagan. Tom, in a recent AMA you described the emergency pamphlet for life consisting of two steps which are step one, tell yourself empowering statements about potential and step two, build accountability around that. Step one is a clear actionable directive but step two seems seems nebulous to me. Can you talk more about step two? Give concrete examples of what step two looks like and explain how to get from step one to step two. Okay, so I'm going to use different words for step two than you used and hopefully this will clear it up. So, step one is about what you say to yourself. Step two is about what you tell other people that you're going to do. So, it really comes down to what you repeat. So, what you repeat to yourself, human potential is nearly limited. I'm the type of person that will put in the work. I'm the type of person that gets out of bed in 10 minutes or less. I'm the type of person that judges myself by my results. All of that stuff, okay? So, those are all the things you're telling yourself. You're repeating it over and over and over. You're solidifying that in your mind literally from a brain wiring standpoint. So, all of your beliefs are going to kick in when you mess up, somebody says something mean, whatever, all the things that might otherwise emotionally knock you off, you're going to have what I call the mental Pachenko machine where any negative emotion or any negative thought hits all these beliefs until it comes out the other side positive. That that's the key. Now, the second part is what you tell other people that you're going to go what you're going to do and that triggers a process of uh congruence where you want to act in congruence with what you tell people that you're going to do. And I find that also in doing that, you're repeating it again, and hopefully you're embodying it, which is a big part of it. So, as you're telling people, you're allowing yourself to feel the excitement, which is why you want to do this thing, and so you're embodying that over and over and over. But, it's all essentially that same mechanism. It's really hardwiring this stuff into your system. That's that's the foundational key is to really reinforce these beliefs and to trigger that process of congruence. That isn't going to get you across the finish line of success or anything like that. But, those are like the two really foundational things in the I don't I don't remember calling it the emergency pamphlet for life, but this is the steps to really building and enacting a growth mindset, and I'm going to do it like the emergency pamphlet on an airplane, which is where the emergency came from. So, very simple drawings, very simple words, cuz I want people to understand that to to really solidify growth mindset in yourself, those are the two things you really need to do. All right. 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