Video summary
In this discussion, Alex Hormozi reframes the concept of revenge, arguing that success itself is the ultimate and only form of retribution against doubters or critics. He explains that as an individual expands their influence and gets louder, detractors naturally shrink into irrelevance because they can no longer hear them; similarly, by casting a shadow so large through one's own achievements, others become invisible in comparison. Hormozi notes that copycats often fail to understand the underlying mechanics of why something works initially, leading them to replicate only superficial elements rather than building sustainable systems. Consequently, when those imitations break down, they lack the knowledge to fix them, ensuring that genuine innovators always remain ahead while their followers struggle with broken models. Hormozi illustrates this philosophy through a personal anecdote from his high school days involving a teacher named Mr. Gibbons who worked out with him daily and offered profound advice on handling resentment. When Hormozi expressed a desire to prove the teacher wrong at a ten-year reunion, showing off how far he had come since their workouts, the teacher warned that such an act would make Hormozi look like a "beta" in a desperate situation who was still defined by his need for validation. Instead of petty revenge where one spends all day thinking about others and allowing them to control one's emotional state, Hormozi learned that true victory involves winning so big that the competition becomes irrelevant. He emphasizes that attempting to beat someone at their own game is actually a loss because it means you have accepted their rules; instead, one must focus entirely on their own goals until they become too large for others to matter. The conversation deepens with Hormozi reflecting on his long-standing dynamic with his father, whom he initially felt compelled to out-earn and surpass in status as a way of proving himself right after leaving home amidst disapproval. He admits that for years, he was driven by the desire to make more money than his Iranian-born father ever had, viewing financial success through the lens of societal norms where income equates to respect. However, once he achieved this milestone and won at "his game," he realized he had been playing a match set up entirely by someone else's expectations rather than defining his own path. This realization led him to feel terrible about having let his father's opinion dictate his life choices for so long, acknowledging that even the people one resented or hated often played a crucial role in shaping their character and resilience. Hormozi further connects these themes of adversity by recounting his childhood as an only child who spent hours alone between ages six and sixteen listening to audiobooks and playing with toys like Mighty Mouse from Mars while others socialized. He reflects on how the bullying, isolation, and discomfort he experienced during those years forced him to develop extreme attention, focus, and the ability to deconstruct social dynamics in solitude. These traits eventually became his greatest assets, enabling him to become one of the best club promoters in the UK for over a decade by obsessively analyzing details like tie knots or shoe brands that others took for granted. He concludes that while he cannot undo those painful experiences, he is grateful they forged skills that allowed him to work independently and succeed without relying on social validation from peers who might have rejected him anyway. Ultimately, the core message of Hormozi's story is that negative micro-events in life offer a unique opportunity for macro-level wins if one chooses to double down on them rather than succumbing to resentment or distraction. He warns against hijacking one's direction solely to stick it to someone else, noting that doing so allows others to ventriloquize you and control your actions through pain they may not even intend to inflict. While some people are destroyed by trauma because their coping mechanisms fail as children, Hormozi suggests that for those who survive these challenges, the lessons learned can be transformed into significant capital in life's broader game. He encourages listeners to reframe past embarrassments and hardships not as reasons for hatred but as foundational elements of their current strength and capability, urging a shift from reactive living to proactive goal setting where success becomes the only necessary revenge.
Read the full video transcript
success is the only Revenge as you
expand they shrink into irrelevance as
you get louder no one can hear them you
don't beat them you cast a shadow so big
no one can see them to begin with when
people copy they copy the wrong stuff
because they don't know why it worked to
begin with and when it breaks they don't
know how to fix it because they didn't
build it so don't sweat it copycats will
always be behind
good [ __ ]
but success is the only Revenge it is
such a lovely
there's that um let me tell you the
story behind it damn right yeah so I was
15 years old so this is really early in
my life still jacked it's still always
jacked permajact and I uh this sounds so
lame so
I had this teacher so I'm freshman in
high school and I might have been 14
whatever the ages and I'm walking
through the hallway and this this
teacher is like an admin of some kind
walks out of his office and he's like
he's like son and I was like I'm like
eater's in trouble what am I gonna do
he's like you work out and I was like no
he's like why not I was like I don't
know how he's like
I'll show you he's like you got the
jeans
and so that teacher Mr Gibbons
um ended up working out with me every
day in high school and showed me how to
work out and he probably saw on some
level that I was some angsty teenager
that felt angry about whatever and I
during our workout sessions would be
like this guy said this to me like he
you know you know or like this oh
whatever
and I was like man I'm gonna come back
at our 10-year reunion and I was like
I'm gonna show him I was like he's gonna
be working for me like blah blah right
and he's like no he's not and I was like
what do you mean I was like let me just
have my moment he's like no he's not
he's like and you're not going to do
that not if I have anything to say about
it when you come back for that 10-year
reunion and I was like what do you mean
he's like because if you come back at a
10-year reunion and say hey John
like everything I have look at me now
he's like the guy's gonna laugh and be
like you did all of this to try and
prove me wrong man I feel sorry for you
and when he said that when he actually
played out what my like Revenge fantasy
was in real life I realized it looked it
looks stupid yeah I looked like the beta
in the [ __ ] situation right and so he
was like the only thing that you can do
is win so big
that all of them constantly compare
themselves to you and then you'll forget
they exist
and he's and that's when he said he said
success is the only Revenge he's like
it's not the best revenge he's like it's
the only one there's no other Revenge
because everything else is petty
everything else does show that you were
thinking about these people all day long
which means they win by default he's
like all you can do is think about your
goal and winning he's like and when you
win that's when you become so big that
they shrink into irrelevance you cast a
shadow that no one even can see them
behind you
this is the Nuance I think on on the
previous point when we were talking
about the toxicity of that fuel long
term yeah you can see me light up yeah
well I think that when you think about
um
the activation energy of using the
things that you don't like well you have
to be careful that you're using them and
that they're not using you still and a
lot of the time
I get this and in my mod juvenile
moments I I see myself do this where
I'll know that there's a game that
somebody else that I don't like cares
about yeah and I'll imagine myself
playing that game to beat them so that I
can stick it to them right purely for
the reason of sticking it to them let's
say that there's someone that really
cares about being in shape and I'm not
in as good shape as I have been in the
past and I know that with muscle memory
if you give me 18 months and a good
amount of testosterone like the thing
that they care about
I would be able to make them feel really
bad about right okay so I would hijack
my own Direction yeah
purely to try and prove somebody else
wrong in a desperate and somehow believe
that that's me taking control of my life
are you kidding me I'm allowing them to
ventriloquize me yeah through pain that
they didn't even mean to give me yeah
the woman in the black dress uh the
black pill equivalent right well like
now it's like not even a distraction
from your main goal it's like
I'm gonna make a new goal just to wrong
this person and then somehow make make
up the story that I'm in control of my
life when I'm I'm really just acting in
complete reaction to this person and so
in so doing in beating them at their own
game they've already won by default yep
because they got me to change the game I
was playing forget about who won it's
like dude you were over there and now
you're over here I see this with a lot
of people I I think that it contributes
to a lot more of why and how people
adopt societal Norms the the resentment
that they have it's it's not just other
people want this thing therefore I
mimatically want to do this thing too
it's I know that other people will
respect me and that my resentment will
feel Justified and manifest if I win at
it and that's really compelling that's
like a motivational spit roasting coming
in from both ends and it's
it's really really powerful and you need
to be careful I mean I think you know
one of the really early blessings and
I'll be on it like this is where I think
I was fortunate right like I I realized
when I was about
28 right
um that I had been trying really hard to
beat I mean you'll notice a common theme
with a lot of my stories but I have one
Central person that I was trying to
prove for a very long time which was my
father
um and we're on good terms by the way
because I always get that question
but uh this was after I left and he
disapproved of my whole thing and for
five years we didn't talk very much and
so he calls me up
um to he says hey you're going to want
to sit down for this and I'm like okay
what are you pregnant you know um
and so he says I'm sorry
and and I was like for what and he was
like for everything right now mind you
like this is a middle eastern father
born in Iran to a middle to a middle
eastern father there who was even more
legit like when where my father was born
women weren't allowed to drive cars cars
came with drivers with them when you
bought them the driver came with the car
we're like he was born in a very
different world like fathers don't
apologize to Sons it just it was it just
wasn't that way and I have a little bit
more a little bit more awareness than I
did then and I can see that now but for
me I was like
now you apologize you know what I mean
um and so rather than take it for the
Olive Branch that it was uh I said
I didn't care
about your opinion five years ago when I
left I was like I don't care now
and he was like well we'll see how long
your success lasts and so
what could have been a really nice
exchange ended up becoming pretty pretty
ugly but the the main point there was
that I wanted to in the beginning like
make as much as my father then it was
making more than my father and then it
was make more than my father had ever
made in his entire life and once I had
achieved that I realized that
as much as like it sounds terrible to
say this but like I was trying to beat
him
at his gain
and and this is pretty alive in a lot of
a lot of Asian culture same thing Mickey
money is a big you know like when my dad
would introduce somebody be like this is
so-and-so he makes this much a year like
it was just really clear like this is
how much status someone has and so like
it was really deep for me
um but it was only when I realized that
I had won at his game that I realized I
never even asked the question of like
what game am I trying to win and I don't
know how many people are actually trying
to win at a game that they didn't even
set the rules up for so many when
they're in it and that's why I say like
I think I was fortunate that I you know
I hit a really tough goal because my dad
was is a successful man
um relatively early on
um
but that that for that exchange and then
think like and then reflecting black and
feeling terrible about myself from like
saying what I said and then I was like
I'm
I did everything that I've done to this
point to beat him beat my father the man
who actually raised me who tried to make
me the best man I can and when I think
when I really start thinking about it
I'm like
I like who I am
he raised me
so doesn't that mean that he might have
been the perfect father
and then that really messes me and so
yeah so go ahead well it's just it's
hard to think
that the people you used to have
contempt for or distaste or hatred or
whatever
shaped you in a way that you couldn't
have been and I often think about how
the things I'm most proud of in myself
are the light side of something that I
was so embarrassed about that's so
ashamed about
um you know being an outcast as a kid
meant that uh I
love or I'm capable of being on my own
Way Beyond how anybody else is yeah so
far beyond it I can work on my own in
solitude
for an endless amount of time I can
outwork anybody in solitude why because
I spent
almost all of my time between the ages
of 6 and 16 in my bedroom listening to
audio tapes right listening to
audiobooks and like throwing like a
tennis ball against the wall or like
playing with my like [ __ ] Mighty
Mouse from Mars or whatever they were
called what was it called Biker Mice
from Mars that was it
um and that was what I did yeah
so
but I I all of that discomfort and all
of the challenges that I went through
there are the thing one of the things
that I'm so proud of myself for now okay
so what if I look back and I said well
all of the the
um
The Bullying that I went through and the
challenges of feeling alone and being on
the outside of social groups meant that
I developed such attenuation and
attention and focus and an ability to
distill down what's happening socially
which is why I became one of the best
club promoters in the UK for a decade
and a half right because for all of my
school life I'd been obsessing over how
Alex wears his tie maybe that's why he
has friends and I don't have friends or
the particular brand of shoes that he's
wearing or the like he carries his bag
on that shoulder and I call him carry
mine on this shoulder because I couldn't
deconstruct why I didn't have friends
and everybody else did right okay so
looking back would I have rather
had the friends right and had the
brother or sister and not developed this
skill
I can't split test life so I don't know
right but my life's ended up pretty good
right and I'm happy with it so I need to
not only look back at that stuff as
something not to hate but something to
genuinely be thankful for and that is
frankly something I'm still working
through
what yeah it goes It goes back to the
first thing which is like the most
traumatic events that happen in our life
you know they happen for us not to us
but when you expand the time Horizon
like
those things and to be fair there are
people who do have really crappy things
happen to them and then it destroys them
and then that's it and then they're just
done and that's all it is not everyone
has like a moderate amount of childhood
bullying and an only child with like
parents that care about them or whatever
like because you were a child coping
with the world with the coping skills of
a child
I'm still largely that as an adult
Infantry
and so
um
but I think that I mean the keep the at
least for me you know my key takeaway
from both both of these kind of stories
is more that
all of the all of the the negative
things that happen on the micro have the
opportunity if doubled down on to be
huge wins in the macro and sometimes in
ways that just a micro win would never
have the ability to be doubled down on
and become a a capital w in in the macro
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