Video summary
Tom Bilyeu introduces a specific framework he calls the "fulfillment formula," arguing that true fulfillment is an evolutionary process rather than a fleeting state of happiness derived from momentary pleasures. He posits that humans are hardwired by nature to seek survival through work, meaning that working hard on valuable skills should feel rewarding while idleness causes deep unease. The core mechanism involves gaining a set of skills that allow one to serve not only oneself but also the group or tribe. Because humans leverage culture and social connection, contributing to others triggers positive neurochemical feedback loops. This creates a virtuous cycle where mastering difficult tasks leads to praise from the community, which in turn fuels further effort and mastery, resulting in a stable state of fulfillment that inoculates individuals against life's hardships. To navigate chaos and maintain focus on this formula, Bilyeu emphasizes physiological regulation through meditation and sleep hygiene to lower background radiation and enter calm creative problem-solving states rather than panic modes. He suggests specific techniques like lateral eye movement to mimic forward motion and confront problems directly, noting that action cures anxiety by shifting the brain into a mode of dealing with challenges similar to ancestral threats like saber-tooth tigers or hunting. Furthermore, he advises against looping in defeat or telling negative stories about oneself, urging listeners to find people who can elevate them and help maintain the belief that they can figure things out. This approach ensures that even when facing adversity, an individual remains armed with meaning and purpose by focusing on how their contributions serve others. A critical distinction Bilyeu makes is between being achievement-driven versus fulfillment-driven, warning against toxic success aimed solely at personal gain without serving a greater good. He acknowledges the power of winning and scaling but argues that these pursuits become meaningful only when they are honorable and contribute to helping other people. Using an example involving Toyota employees who initially felt unfulfilled doing charity work because it didn't leverage their unique skills, he illustrates how true fulfillment comes from applying one's specific talents in a way that excites them while serving the group. In this scenario, the company encouraged staff to make soup kitchens more efficient rather than just volunteering there, demonstrating that passion and mastery are essential components of genuine contribution. Ultimately, Bilyeu concludes that chasing transient happiness through easy pleasures like junk food is insufficient because it leads to a hangover-like state and eventual emotional dissatisfaction once the effect fades. Instead, fulfillment offers a far more resilient neurochemical cocktail derived from working hard on skills one loves while serving others toward an exciting end goal. He encourages listeners to catalog their past meaningful impacts using concepts similar to David Goggins' "cookie jar" of memories to draw strength during difficult times and to remain honest with themselves about whether they are truly joyful in what they do. The summary of his philosophy is that the key to life lies not in accolades, money, or fame, but in joyfully working hard on a set of skills that allow one to serve oneself and others toward an end that excites them.
Read the full video transcript
Everybody, welcome to another episode of
Impact Theory. Today, we are going to be
talking in great granular detail about
fulfillment. This is something that I
think a lot of people misunderstand. By
failing to have it in your life, you are
definitely going to suffer. And if
you're going through something brutally
difficult right now, I can promise you
that fulfillment is your way out. So,
without further ado, let's dive into one
of the most important topics we're ever
going to talk about.
All right, first question. What are some
habits that I can easily incorporate
into my daily life to accomplish
fulfillment?
All right, here's the important thing to
understand about fulfillment is that it
is a process and there is a formula,
what I call the fulfillment formula, the
aptly named. And the way that it works
is this. First, I want you to understand
that there are these imperatives in your
brain given to you by evolution and you
are going to be emotionally rewarded for
doing certain things and emotionally
punished for not doing other things. And
that's where fulfillment comes in.
When you put yourself in an evolutionary
context, you're going to understand why
the formula is what the formula is. So,
I'll quickly give you the formula and
then explain it in context. So, the
formula goes like this. You're going to
work really hard to gain a set of skills
that allow you to serve not only
yourself but other people. Okay? Now,
why is that the formula? So, first of
all, it's very important to understand
that growing up on the plains of the
savanna, you would have had to work
really hard to stay alive, to feed your
family. So, you had to face tremendous
danger, massive obstacles. And so,
nature only has two ways to get you
moving and that is pleasure and pain,
punishment, reward. So, when it wants
behavior, it's going to reward that by
making it
feel amazing. And if it doesn't want
behavior, then it's going to make sure
that if you're engaging in it, it sucks.
And if it wants you to do something and
you don't do it, that will also suck.
So, this is where pleasure and pain come
in and where you have to really
understand why this cycle is so deeply
embedded in your brain. So, because from
an evolutionary standpoint, working hard
was necessary for survival, then working
hard working hard has to feel good. And
conversely, if you're not working hard,
then you're going to feel a deep sense
of unease. So, that's why I say that the
first step in the fulfillment formula is
that you're going to have to work really
hard to gain a set of skills.
Now, the reason that you're working hard
is because if you don't work hard even
now in a modern context where you can
probably get away without putting that
much time and effort into something, the
reason that fulfillment is going to
demand it is because from an
evolutionary standpoint, you needed to
have that embedded in your brain, the
directive to work hard to accomplish
these things. So, working hard really is
its own reward, Dad, something that he
used to tell me all the time when I was
a kid, and he's absolutely right. It is
truly ingrained in us, even though we
sometimes fight and don't want to do it,
and we also have the impulse to chill
and lay on the couch.
But if you're not working hard, you will
feel a deep sense of unease. All right,
so we're going to work hard to gain a
set of skills. Now,
the set of skills is really about
serving the group.
So, we know that humans are a creature
that leverages culture. So, so many
other animals are
hardwired. And so, a horse, when it's
born, 20 minutes later, it's doing all
the things that a horse can do. But
humans are different than that. So, we
take this long period of gestation,
followed by this long infancy, and in
all of that, we are going through these
different phases of development. And
around the ages of 11 to 15 you go into
this drinking deeply from the culture
moment where it's not just about your
environment anymore, it's about the
actual culture and taking in that
information. So, you're going to gain a
set of skills that matter to you
and matter to the group. Okay? And
that's the part of culture. So, you're
working really hard to gain the set of
skills that matter to you and the group,
something that's exciting to you, you
just enjoy doing it. That's very
important for fulfillment. And then it
allows you to serve not only yourself
but the group. Because we're a social
creature, we of course need to be
rewarded for doing things for the group
and we're going to be punished for not
doing things to the group in our own
minds. Okay? That's very important. If
you're not contributing to the group,
you will have this sense of
meaninglessness. And this is where
meaning and purpose come in. I'm doing
something not just for myself but for
other people. It is ingrained in your
mind to do that. Okay. So, you get this
set of skills. Now, this is where
passion comes in. The you want to be
developing a set of skills that you're
deeply passionate about but understand
passion also is a process. So, you start
with something you find interesting, you
engage with it. If the more you engage
with it, the more fascinating it
becomes, then we're going to go down the
process of gaining actual mastery, doing
the boring, difficult, repetitive tasks
required to truly master that thing in a
way that the group values. Now, when you
do that, you get into a passion feedback
loop even though it is boring and
difficult at times. As you get better at
this thing that matters to the group,
the group gives you feedback and that
feedback when it's positive feels
wonderful. Thank you for whatever your
contribution is. Oh my gosh, it really
matters. It's amazing. Thank you so
much. Which makes you want to do more,
which you know to get that feedback
more, you're going to need to go get
better at that thing and that's how you
get people in these virtuous cycles.
You're working really hard to gain a set
of skills that gets the group excited
about your contributions, which make you
feel good about yourself, which make you
want to get even better at that thing so
that you can contribute even more to the
group, and that is fulfillment. There's
all this meaning and purpose behind it.
You're doing it to serve other people.
It's bigger than yourself. And now you
get the neurochemical cocktail that
you've been looking for by doing that
formula. That's fulfillment. Fail to
optimize for fulfillment at your own
peril.
All right, next question. Can you shed
some light on how to be still in times
of chaos and focus on working towards
fulfillment?
First of all, I want to acknowledge that
chaos can be very difficult to deal with
and it requires a lot of emotional
management and you've got to be able to
do many things, quite frankly. It is
going to be a whole grab bag of tricks,
my friends, for you to get through and
get on the other side of that chaos. All
right, first things first, meditation is
going to be huge, okay? Just at a
physiological level, you've got to get
that background radiation down to zero.
Now, this can be very difficult when
you're in the middle of something and
you really feel like you're fighting for
your life, but you need to make time for
that. This is a physiological process.
By getting into that calm and creative
state, you're going to find answers that
you otherwise wouldn't see. So, we need
to get out of that panic mode and into
calm creative problem solving. Now,
remember, action cures all. So, we've
got this fulfillment thing that we're
chasing. We've got the fulfillment
formula. We know exactly what we need to
do. We're in the middle of the chaos,
and the thing that's going to solve for
that, meditation, so we're thinking
calmly and clearly,
but also having a plan of attack and
then going after it. So, there's been
really cool studies done by Andrew
Huberman and other people about how
lateral eye movement can actually pull
you out of that um stressed and anxious
state because what it's doing is it's
mimicking you moving forward. And moving
forward on these evolutionary time
frames, we've been rewarded for that
because it means that you're confronting
your problem. You're working hard.
You're dealing with the saber-tooth
tiger, the warring tribe, the just need
to go out and hunt, whatever. You're
dealing with it. And since nature only
has pleasure and pain, if you're dealing
with it, nature's going to make sure to
give you some pleasure on that. And
conversely, if you're trying to hide
from it, that's not going to feel great,
and you're going to really spiral. It is
crazy to me how taking action and
getting into problem-solving mode
immediately shifts me out of anxiety. It
is absolutely profound. So, that's going
to be a big part of this. And when
you're doing that in the context of the
fulfillment formula, now you know that
this is going to be something you're
working really hard to gain that set of
skills that serve not only yourself but
other people. So, you're thinking about
other people. You're thinking about
service. And that has a way of really
helping you get through the chaos
because it's giving you the emotional
energy to have the stamina to fight
through to get to the other side. And as
I think it was Churchill that said, "If
you're going through hell, keep going."
But keep going armed with meaning and
purpose around how you're contributing
to the group, around getting these
skills, around being in problem-solving
mode, and around taking action because
that is going to be the thing that cures
all. And then don't forget sleep
hygiene, very important. Meditation
important. Keep your diet right. Don't
tell yourself a negative story. Don't
allow yourself to loop in defeat. Find
people that can elevate you. Find people
that will in a very real, skills-based
way help you see the path forward and
help you hold on to the only belief that
matters, that you can figure this out.
What are some action steps I can take
right away to train my mind to not go
after easy pleasures and happiness, and
instead seek the gratification that
comes from fulfillment. All right.
The great news is all you have to do is
recognize the truth of the human
condition. And the truth of the human
condition is that chasing momentary
happiness won't
fulfill you. That's literally what I
wanted to say. And I'm not because we're
talking about fulfillment, I won't use a
a just recursive loop, but that really
is true. All of that stuff is so
transient. What makes fulfillment
interesting is that it is this far more
stabilizing
neurochemical state. So, your brain is
constantly checking in with you,
making sure on a subconscious level that
you're doing the things that you need to
do to be of service to the group, to be
of service to yourself, to make sure
that you're taking care of yourself and
your family and your loved ones and your
tribe, okay? So, there's this
subconscious
record-keeping going on. And that's
exactly what's happening. That's why you
sometimes will feel the unease in your
body before consciously you know what's
going on.
And you feel it, uh there's something
off. You need to take the time to
identify what it is to be able to
articulate it in a single nice crispy
sentence, so you can figure out exactly
what it is that you need to do to move
forward. Okay. Now, once you understand
that that is just the nature of the
game, that going after these momentary
things will be exactly that, it's going
to be momentary, it's going to fade,
you're going to have a sense of unease,
you're not going to be in the shape that
you want emotionally. Once I know, oh,
going down that road is not going to
leave me in the emotional state that I
want to be in, then it's very easy to
go, well, this one might be a little bit
more difficult, it might take more
sustained effort, but it yields these
tremendous results. So, the example that
I always give is
um eating junk food.
I love junk food. And truly love it, by
the way. It is it gives me a drug-like
high. It is so fun to eat sugary foods.
The problem is that, especially as I get
older, it hurts, literally, after the
fact. My joints will hurt. I won't sleep
as well. I wake up the next day and it's
just like I have like a slight hangover.
That's literally what it feels like.
And
because I know that that's the outcome,
it's like, well, on the times where I
don't mind and it's like, well, I'm
going to, you know, enjoy this drug-like
thing for a minute, I'll sort of walk a
fine line, have some fun here, suffer a
little tomorrow, but on balance, maybe I
come out a little bit ahead on the
happiness. But, if I try to do it 2 days
in a row, forget it. 3 days in a row, it
really starts to be like a real problem.
So, even over the holidays now,
when I let myself off of, you know, the
hook with all of my normal disciplines
and all of that,
even then now, I keep myself in check
just because I don't like the way that
it feels. So, once you understand, oh, I
can do this thing over here and feel
really good, or I can do this thing over
here, it's very momentary, it's very
transient, it doesn't last, I kind of,
you know, I'm not where I want to be and
I begin to ask myself questions like,
what am I doing with my life? So, just
knowing that to me, fulfillment is
much longer in duration, it's much more
resilient. I can be fulfilled even when
things are hard, even when things aren't
going my way, even when it's difficult.
In fact, the fulfillment I get from
contributing to the group is the very
thing that inoculates me from the hard
times being able to knock me all the way
down. Because on those moments where
you're just beleaguered,
and you're getting it from all sides and
it just seems like everything is
crashing on you at once.
In those moments, you're going to cling
to what you're doing to help other
people.
And nature will ensure that that is
going to make you feel way, way better.
Emotions should never stop you from
achieving your goals. So, if you feel
stuck, overwhelmed, low on confidence,
you're beating yourself up, or you feel
like you're not deserving of the things
you want in life, I have something to
tell you. Emotions are not facts, and
you should never let them hold you back.
And yet, I find that people do this all
the time. They mistake that feeling for
objective truth, and it sends them in
this downward spiral.
Reaching greater levels of success in
life means knowing how to use your
brain. And if you're in a rut right now,
or if you've been struggling for a while
to achieve your goals, then I've pulled
a class from Impact Theory University to
help you get back on track. It's called
Six Steps to Getting Unstuck, and it's
for anyone who wants to know the exact
steps to achieving big goals when life
puts challenges in your way. If you want
to check it out, go to
unstuck.impacttheory.com
to get access. It's a free preview. All
right, guys. I'll see you on the inside.
Now, let's get back to today's episode.
All right. How do you become
fulfillment-driven versus
achievement-driven when everywhere
around you see people and society
running for the latter?
Okay.
One, I want to acknowledge the power of
success. Success is amazing, and winning
at the game in a way that's recognized
by your peers is always going to feel
good. So,
understand that you don't have to be,
you know, Mother Teresa in order to
um
be worthwhile and to love yourself.
It's okay to want some success. And
honestly, if we really look at Mother
Teresa, I'm betting that to her it
really mattered to succeed in a way that
was deeply meaningful. And she certainly
seemed to be trying to reach as many
people as humanly possible. And so, if
we can look at someone like that and
say, "Well, that was a worthwhile
endeavor." Then what we're really saying
is, as long as the way in which you're
contributing is meaningful, then that's
like the double whammy of you should
absolutely feel good about that. So,
we've got two things. One, it's okay to
want to be successful. I want to be
successful, even more successful than
I've been. I want to scale and touch
just an untold number of lives. And
I don't feel badly about that. I love
that. It makes me want to go out and
help more people. Now, I don't think
that everybody should pursue scale in
the way that I pursue scale. It
certainly has its own complications.
But, if you know that about yourself and
you want to play on that level and
you're willing to pursue it knowing you
may never get there, right? I may never
get where I want to go. But, I love
striving to play at that scale. So, when
you are looking at it from that
perspective, it's not necessarily a bad
thing. It becomes toxic when you're
aiming yourself at something that isn't
helping you or it's only helping you and
it isn't helping other people. And that,
again, just going back to this idea of
you're a social creature with
evolutionary imperatives to help
contribute to the group. And when you're
not doing that, you will automatically
feel a sense of unease, that there's
something missing. So, I say do both.
Very cool to pursue like the the big
grand rewards, whatever it is that you
want, but make sure that you're doing
that in the context of something that
serves other people as well. If you're
doing that and trying to pursue
fulfillment at the
the grandest level that makes sense for
you and your personality, I say go for
it. So, you don't need to artificially
downplay yourself or try to be small.
Like, go crazy. Be bombastic. Be big. Do
your thing. Go as hard as you want.
Just make sure that it's in service of
something that is honorable.
That's it.
All right. What are ways I can recognize
when I am fulfilled, especially when I
am still in the middle of my journey?
All right. So, one, this is about taking
time to catalog the things that we're
grateful for. Just really stopping to
either journal or think through what is
it that I'm doing?
What's my goal?
How am I attempting to contribute to the
group? Am I actually contributing to the
group? And then you can use David
Goggins' idea of the cookie jar, where
it's like you remember the times where
you meaningfully impacted somebody, you
did something, you got amazing feedback,
it really helped somebody out, it was
aligned with, you know, what your goal
is. Then those are the things that you
put into that memory bank. And you pull
on those when things are getting hard,
and you remember, "Yo, I did this thing.
I can do more things. I can push harder,
go farther, help more people, whatever
the case may be."
And so
as you think about that
and you
recognize you're not where you want to
be yet but you're focusing on the ways
in which you've already contributed,
that's going to give you the energy that
you need to keep pushing through. And
ultimately
you have to be honest with yourself
about whether or not you are fulfilled
at this moment because it isn't
something that you're going to be able
to talk yourself into because maybe
you're not. Maybe you're not feeling
your contributions. Maybe you're not
doing things in a way that's joyful. I
talk about goals need to be two things.
Exciting
and honorable. Okay? So, if honorable is
that it helps not only yourself, but
other people, don't forget about the
exciting part. You've got to be just
amped up. You got to be doing something
that you want to do. For instance
is it possible that I can help more
people by doing something other than
building Impact Theory? It's entirely
possible. But Impact Theory is what I
love doing on a daily basis. I love
doing content like this. I love the
people that I get to meet, the people
that I get to interview. I love the idea
of building um film and TV and NFTs,
like all of that stuff for me is
absolutely thrilling. I love it. Maybe I
shouldn't, but I love it. And because
it's so exciting for me, I have
hand-crafted my life to make the biggest
contribution to the tribe, if you will,
that I can by doing things that I love
and want to be the best in the world at.
So, if you're not doing that, then all
of this might feel empty. Or, you might
be serving the group in a way that's
sort of by rote. Instead of, and this is
a great example, I'm almost certain this
was Toyota. So, Toyota was trying to
encourage their employees to do
um
charity work. And they found that people
were going to uh soup kitchens and
helping feed the homeless, and was nice,
but the people at Toyota felt like they
weren't really leveraging their unique
skill set. And this is why I say
fulfillment is about working really hard
on a set of skills that matter to you
and allow you to serve the group. So,
you go down this that passion loop of
getting gaining true mastery of
something that gets you positive
feedback. So, what Toyota's employees
ended up doing was going and making the
um soup kitchen more efficient so that
they could feed more hungry people
faster. And that made them feel
extraordinarily good. So, figuring out
why it is exactly that it's coming up
for you that you might not be feeling
fulfilled. So, one, you might not be
doing the right things, so making sure
that you're following the fulfillment
formula. And then two, making sure that
you have that meaning and purpose, you
know why you're doing what you're doing,
you feel connected to the people that
you're serving. It's a big deal at
Impact Theory. Every team meeting we go
through and read something that somebody
from the community has written
explaining how Impact Theory has touched
their lives. It's incredibly important
to us to reground ourselves around the
people that we're actually serving. So,
that can be an important thing to just
take that time. What are you doing that
is helping, that's moving the needle?
You know, circle around it. Write it
down. Like, really focus on that thing
and internalize it. And that should
help.
All right, everybody.
Fulfillment is one of the most important
things. I'm telling you the punchline of
life, the very thing that you were
trying to optimize for is very simply
fulfillment done in a joyful manner.
Fulfillment and joy. Fulfillment and
joy. That really is the key. It isn't
the grand success, so there's nothing
wrong with chasing that.
It
it isn't accolades, it isn't money, it
isn't fame, it's none of those things.
It is truly
working really hard to gain a set of
skills
that that you care about
that allow you to serve not only
yourself, but other people towards an
end that excites you.
And that's it.
All right, guys. I hope that you put
this stuff to use in your life. I hope
that you start living by the fulfillment
formula, and I hope that it serves you
as well as it has served me. All right,
guys. Speaking of things that will serve
you well, if you haven't already, be
sure to subscribe. And, my friends, if
you don't have an Impact Theory
Founder's Key, you're going to want to
get one. Go to founderskey.io
to learn more about NFTs and what we're
doing in the space and how you can be a
part of it. I think Web3 is going to be
life-changing for a lot of people. Make
sure that you are learning about it.
Doesn't have to be our project, just
make sure you learn about Web3. All
right, guys. Until next time, my
friends. Be legendary. Take care. Peace.