How to Embrace Change | Tom Bilyeu AMA

what is up everybody welcome to another episode of AMA live I'm your host Tom dill you and I'm gonna be taking your questions so make sure you drop them in let me know what you want to know let's dive deep let's get some real answers let's change some lives and mother of all girls all right we're gonna kick it off with the first question but oh actually before we do that anybody that's into comics boys and girls if you're gonna be at the WonderCon this weekend in Anaheim come by booth 1502 we it our booth is gonna be really lame I'm gonna tell you that right now because we booked it before we knew if we're gonna have anything to launch which we don't that'll be later in the year but nonetheless we're gonna be there collecting email addresses for people that are into comics and want to know more about what we're doing so come by the booth I will be there all three days say what's up hang out help us get more people into the ecosystem that would be amazing but only if you're into the world of comics it's not like a traditional Q and a meet-and-greet or anything so but for need die-hard comic fans make sure you come by booth 1502 1 2 con this weekend all right today's episode is brought to you by the do the work shirt by the way if you haven't already got one of these bad boys go to shop impact Theory dot-com all right without further ado first question comes via the Kinect in boxes from is air I'm sure you've committed to big changes before in your life my question is how do you commit to a large-scale change and not go back on it is it possible to quit cold-turkey without screwing it up a few days later and the answer is yes very much so so I'm excited by change so let's talk about that so big scale changes don't freak me out like that I like things to be different I like things to be new I like to learn new things I've cultivated that in myself so I would force yourself really to be excited and I say force on purpose because it is a choice you get to decide whether you're gonna focus on all the things that could go wrong all the unknowns all the things that are gonna give you anxiety or you could remember like Einstein said we all get to decide whether we live in a friendly or a hostile universe I choose we live in a friendly because of that I choose to believe that good things are going to come that the change is going to bring new fun exciting opportunities and because of that I greet change with enthusiasm so first of all make that choice and then second make sure that you're actively looking for the opportunity in that change and third if it's something that you've set out some big thing that you promise yourself that you're gonna do then you need to hold yourself accountable to that and there's just no way around earning credibility with yourself you said you were gonna do it and now you're gonna do it and that is it this is a question of identity Who am I so for instance this is a smaller thing but next week I'm gonna be doing a five-day water-only fast 5-day water-only fast and I'm super tense about it and it could end up really sucking and there's been a little voice in my head that's been like oh even though you've announced it like you don't have to do it like if it really sucks you need just clawed back and my thing is absolutely not unless I get into some medical emergency I'm going to see that five day fast through because I said I was going to do it and I know the amount of credibility that I will earn with myself for sticking through it so that really comes down to that's my density when I say that I'm going to do something I do it so I'm the type of person that when I say I'm gonna do it I do it plain and simple period end of story and that may mean that I have to suffer but the suffering compared to what I will think about myself on the other side of that I know that it pales in comparison so this all comes down to being able to psychologically reward and punish yourself and I know how amazing it's going to feel me about myself how amazing it's going to feel at the end of this when I do what I said that I was going to do and by the way doing hard things is something that all of us should actually look forward to in fact Lisa asked me why I was doing a five-day fast and the answer is because it's hard the answer is because I actually think it's gonna be difficult if I didn't think it was gonna be difficult then it wouldn't really be that big of a deal in fact that's a reason part of the reason that I've gone from doing a three-day fast to a five-day fast because I've gotten pretty used to doing three-day fast I know that I'll make it to the other side so a five-day fast that that one really makes me tense the other reason that I'm doing that is because the metabolic advantages of fast really seem to at least according to the research get exponentially better at around five days not ready to commit to a seven-day fast yet so we'll see how the five-day fast goes but I'm excited to be doing that so by the way anybody that wants to join me on said five-day water-only fast I'm starting very specifically this Sunday which is what day what's the date of Sunday alright well anybody watching live you know this Sunday so this Sunday at 3 p.m. because I'm gonna break fast we're doing a big matrix thing here on Friday which I'm very excited about as the anniversary of the release of the matrix is March 31st so on March 30th Friday at 3 p.m. we're starting the film and so as a just a big part of that celebration that's when I'll be breaking fast so those are the five days and it's Sunday March 25th okay next question is from Nashawn Odom this is Facebook if you can read only one book and one book only what would it be this should have an impact on your self transformation and society at large well I would read a book that I haven't read II read so that's not gonna help anybody so the the most important book in the English language is mindset by Carol Dweck so if you guys haven't read that book now ironically it's not the book that had the biggest impact on me because unfortunately it wasn't written as I was going through that but I think that she has given the single most foundational text on building mindset which is a single most important thing anybody could do so that is the book that I highly recommend people to read which is I think far more useful than what I would read over and over what would I read over and over principles by Ray Dalio because from a business perspective if I was gonna read a book over and over and over and over I think that's probably the most beneficial book so that's what the book that I think has probably had the biggest impact on me in my current form if that makes sense so the book that changes the course of my life was Stephen King's the gunslinger so I don't expect it to have that impact on many other people but it certainly had that impact on me because it showed me that I liked reading which then set the tone not the tone but it really set the course for the rest of my life and reading voraciously has changed ever the aspect element nook and cranny of my life so yeah but anyway the book that I would personally read over and over and over is principles I don't think anybody really other than entrepreneurs are gonna benefit from reading it over and over and over I think that everybody everybody benefits from reading mindset by Carol Dweck over and over and over all right Nick and Nick ends what it says Nick and Schultz Facebook hey Tom so you talked a lot about getting adequate sleep for optimal brain function etc but you've also talked a lot about doing the work late nights and long hours that come with entrepreneurship what exactly is your stance on this so my stance is very [ __ ] clear get sleep get sleep now once you have sleep then you can optimize or you can be efficient in everything else that you do but I I built a billion-dollar business with less than I'm gonna say less than ten times probably that I got an insufficient amount of sleep maybe a little more than ten but over almost a decade I mean that's pretty good like once or twice a year like my schedule would just line up such that I couldn't both go to bed early and sleep so sorry I couldn't either go to bed early or sleep late so usually it's one of the other you're gonna stay up late but then you're not going to need to get up early so it is so so rare that I wake up to an alarm I just really cannot stress that for sure for sure I wake up to an alarm less than five or six times a year I mean it's just it's so low so if I can do what I've done without needing to [ __ ] with my sleep anybody can I'm just telling you like the amount that you will get done when you've got enough sleep it's just so much more that I'll I'll any day take three or four hours less in my day and go head to head with somebody who is chronically sleep-deprived now doesn't mean it never happens but it means that it's really rare because I just find that I'm so much less efficient and can we talk about it's less fun I don't know if it's just me boys and girls being chronically fatigued sucks at a level that I can't quite convey so it doesn't sound like fun remember the game you're playing is not money the game you're playing is not success the game you're playing is brain chemistry that's it to feel deeply fulfilled nothing nothing compares to that sex awesome but does not compare it to deep fulfillment being rich awesome but does not compare to deep fulfillment being good-looking I imagine is awesome but I'm also going to imagine that it does not compare to deep fulfillment so the thing that I get behind to be clear is deep fulfillment now building a life of success to me is about pursuing something now I want to enjoy the pursuit I have the lived the life where I did not enjoy the pursuit and I've lived a life where I did enjoy the pursuit I'm just telling you right now success is not guaranteed the struggle is so you might as well enjoy the struggle and part of enjoying the struggle is getting enough sleep so I hope that's really [ __ ] clear next up Maurizio D Grigory I like that name what were you like in college in regards to discipline and getting [ __ ] done I know you've mentioned that you were significantly different than you are now but I'm curious on the extent all right in college I because I was so desperate to get into film school I really worked my ass off and so I locked myself in a room for four years and head down got good grades now you want to talk about a period in my life where I got very little sleep film school was it and that's how I know how uniquely miserable it is to go without sleep now the irony of ironies based on my last answer I don't know that I could have gotten things done in film school without reducing the amount of sleep I don't know I could have probably done better but like to give you an idea in film school I didn't even drink soda I didn't drink caffeine of any kind not tea not coffee no caffeine pills no adderall nothing I literally thought if I meant to be awake I'll be awake and so through sheer force of will I got crazy little sleep in film school it sucked so much but just the raw number of hours that it takes to make a movie I don't know I could have been better that's for sure but that was the reality okay so I locked myself in a room I got very good grades I focused focused focused I wanted to learn that was my driving force but here's the big whammy I thought there was a difference between learning the technical aspects and learning the creative aspects so to make a very long story short while I work my ass off it doesn't click into me that I could develop quote-unquote talent by also putting that work and energy into getting good at things that I thought were innate so I tried really hard to learn the technical side to learn the what they call the creative studies side so learning film Theory watching a lot of movies understanding different directors understanding French New Wave cinema versus cinema verite and like all of that stuff but then when I realized in my senior thesis film that I absolutely had no talent I didn't think oh well I can go build Talent so I spent four years really focusing on the technical aspects not realizing I should have been focusing all that time and energy on learning how to direct actors where do you put the camera what storytelling all of those things which then I ended up teaching myself after school so there you have it I hope that answers your question Mohamed Eglin Facebook how can you handle pressure of commitment when you were scaling up exponentially everything is growing fast pressure stress more commitment and work etc all right so this goes back to enjoying the process so scaling is amazing and you should take advantage of the scale where you can but I will say that really building something that matters something you believe in something that you're passionate about is not the same as scaling and I think looking back I probably would have enjoyed more scaling quest a little bit more slowly I think that there were mistakes that I made that I didn't necessarily need to make because I was just so freakish about wanting to capitalize on every single aspect of scale and at some point and and this is why I'm so obsessed with principles now I never would have allowed myself to have what we now refer to as a principles conversation which slows everything down which is about like really digging into the emotion calling out [ __ ] when you see it if somebody makes like a weird facial expression and you have reason to believe that they're not totally bought on but in that you stop and address it and talk through it which I do now and I think is really advantageous I wouldn't have done then because I just scale scale scale so I think you need to really be clear about what your objectives are and hopefully in that you realize that your primary objective should be that deep sense of fulfillment of building something you believe in being deeply passionate being totally connected to it being present in that moment looking for the opportunities for you to grow in advance and that it's okay to say I don't think we can take on that extra piece of business without either stressing me the [ __ ] out and this being less fun or doing a house of cards style building of just growing so fast that we're not making all the smart choices that we could otherwise make so I would say it's very ok to slow down to do things in a way where you feel like you're being pushed you're being stretched 100% but at the same time you're enjoying the process you're learning as much as you can you don't feel frantic and you're enjoying your life which is actually a thing and remember boys and girls laughter is a metric and it's a metric that you should pay attention to how often do you laugh in your life how often do your teammates laugh all of this stuff really matters and as cheesy and as stupid as that sounds I think it's one of the single most important things you could pay attention to they have it next up YouTube KMC girl hey Tom how do you utilize your impatience and make it work along with the learning process that you can finally put in the work and get started okay so I wrote a whole tirade and I think the most recent newsletter which by the way if you guys haven't signed up to the newsletter I'm [ __ ] bleeding for those things so go write in fact I'm gonna wait I want you to go right now and sign up for the newsletter at impact theory dot-com take your time go so welcome back in the newsletter recently I went on a whole tirade about [ __ ] patients we're designing a shirt that says eff patients here's my breakdown on this whatever you're gonna do if it's big it's going to take a lot of time that is the truth of that process anything that involves humans is going to take time there's just there's only so many hours in the day we only think at a certain rate so even if you go all out every day every hour that you're awake you are bleeding for your cause even then it's going to take a long time so because of that I'm telling you if you don't do that you can imagine how much longer it's going to take so here's the thing that drive me [ __ ] nuts if you really want to get under my skin and I know people gonna do this now just to wind me up but I'm gonna say it anyway because it's so [ __ ] true if I post about you need to work hard smart and long hours and you write back and say but if I'm working hard and smart why do I have to work long hours the answer [ __ ] is because you're going to get eaten alive by the people that are doing all three this oh god this winds me up someone just said this to me earlier today and inside I wanted to eat my own soul when people act like they have done enough like there is some enough police out there that are going to make your dreams come true because you've worked hard here's the answer you're either winning or you're [ __ ] losing that is the truth it doesn't matter how much you work it only matters what results you get if you can get results on five minutes a day great if you're winning at five minutes a day fantastic the only thing is I have just seen that you're competing against other human beings and the ones that really win are the ones that do all three if by some miracle you're getting the life exactly that you want you've got the level of fulfillment that you want off of five minutes a day you've already won you don't need me my advice is gonna sound crazy to you I'm talking to people that want to play in a world stage I'm talking about people for whom fulfilment comes from seeing just how much you can accomplish in your life I'm talking to the people for whom the truth of enjoying the process is a day-to-day reality and that they love putting in the work that it isn't grinding themselves into the dirt it's doing something that they're deeply passionate about and what they want to know out of their life is how much can I achieve if I really push myself but I will tell you right now if you're an entrepreneur if you're somebody that wants to be great if you want to be a world-class gymnast if you want to be world-class at anything I will tell you right now you must do all three things and you must do them a lot and you must go really hard never once saying to yourself I just need to be patient I just need to wait because none of that will work if you want something to happen let's say that going all-out it's going to take ten years it's not like going slower it will take 20 I'm here to tell you and this is the central central part of my thesis if you don't generate enough momentum it will never happen not on any timeline it's not like simply putting in the work over a long enough period of time is gonna get you where you want to go that's a hard [ __ ] truth let that sink in the only way to make your wildest dreams come true is to generate so much speed and momentum so much energy and enthusiasm that people get swept up in your current that they're pointed in the direction you want them pointed because you are going so fast and you're so decisive that's how you break through obstacles because they just wither in front of you because you've got so much kinetic energy behind you patience is the thief of kinetic energy patience stops you from generating that kind of momentum of getting other people swept up in what you want so it is not for any reason other than I really want to see you make come true in your life the things that make you happy and fulfilled and I just know that the truth of really manifesting your dreams the truth of closing your eyes imagining a world opening your eyes and then making that world actually come true the truth of all that is you can't be patient even though you've got to play the long game Salamah [ __ ] from Facebook what are your thoughts on volume which is a company founded by Naveen Jain who or what they look at your microbiome they sequence it and it's down to the RNA level so it's actually what genes are expressing versus just what bacteria are present in your digestive tract so it's a much deeper level of breaking it down so what are my thoughts on biome can you share your golden nuggets from your research on microbiome today okay I'll give it to you in a real brief nutshell first of all I do not know nearly enough my wife still struggles and that really pisses me off so biome has been amazing volume has been the only thing that's really pushed my wife forward and I really want to take a lot of credit for it and unfortunately I can't and while I have learned a lot about the microbiome I've only known enough to sort of be bumpers in the alley for my wife to know what is just blatantly not going to help that I knew enough that when I saw biome and I talked to Naveen about it that I knew to get her involved with that so here's my my breakdown of biome that they it's amazing it is the best thing out there and it is still inadequate to go from like if you're really broken on a micro biome perspective that your volume is the first step but it is not going to completely eradicate the problem and you're really gonna have to work and take notes and be diligent about watching what impacts you because it's specific and you based as volume is like there's even that like they just don't yet have enough data to go alright you Lisa in the case of my wife do exactly this and this exact increment they've gotten a really close and she's made huge leaps and bounds and I'm beyond grateful and Naveen you know how much I love you and will forever be grateful to you and when you say jump I will [ __ ] say how high because that's how much she's helped my wife but I don't want anyone to think that it is yet a silver bullet and I really hope that they get to silver bullet status and I know navin's trying to get as many people into the program because this is a big data thing the more people they get the more specific they can make it so here's what I know just about the microbiome in general so first of all if you're taking antibiotics you are committing microbiome suicide 95 percent of all the serotonin which is the feel-good chemical is stored in your gut the vast majority of your immune system is in your gut why because this never made sense to me until I heard this because the amount of bacteria and viruses and all that that you eat become are gonna end up in your digestive system and that is why you need like that robust first responders there in your what they call enteric nervous system which runs from your esophagus to your anus in the enteric nervous system you have as many neurons the same material that makes up your brain as you as a cat has in their brain so when people say that the enteric nervous system is a second brain literally that is what they mean there is a feedback communication feedback loop between your microbiome and your brain so your neuro chemistry is wildly impacted by what's going on in your digestive system you should be eating whole foods whenever possible you should be eating God now I'm getting slight anxiety because now I'm starting to get to the edge of what I really truly understand but here's I try to eat a broad spectrum of whole foods as many different things as I can I am really bad at this though so if you came and sat next to me be like Tom the [ __ ] like you eat basically the same thing all the time that's laziness that's efficiency that isn't because I think it's the best thing in the world but I do try to cycle through different kinds of vegetables when I go out I try to eat things that I don't normally eat during the week on and on and on so alright we've got a new show by the way called health theory which you guys should be watching which comes out on all my normal channels check it out it's similar to impact Theory same set same sort of format but specifically people that are coming on to talk about health and fitness related stuff please know that I'm exploring and I will not have anybody shut down that just wants me to present Dogma I want to [ __ ] learn so I'm gonna bring people on from all over some people maybe that I disagree with vehemently and so let's all learn and be open and rather than try to shut people down but anyway that's that whole thing I'm gonna stop there on the microbiome but learn about it because if you don't you will suffer the digestive consequences and by the way if you have pains in your gut when you eat if you have a lot of diarrhea you almost certainly have a problem with microbiome and I will just tell you right now cut out carbs and sugar and you'll be way way way on your way somehow that's still controversial but I'm telling you I'll [ __ ] stand by that and then also I will highly suggest that you get healthy fats in your life healthy fats changed my life alright damn bro Fitness what's up Dan bro Facebook first of all met Shawn yesterday that's right he's in Europe that's amazing which is exactly what you just said when negotiating money how would you approach this situation I have a new business and I'm in the position where I'm offering free work to build my reputation and practice my craft that is so smart but when it comes to asking for money I find it uncomfortable stop that immediately if you're delivering value money is the exchange of value what skills have you found useful with negotiating okay so I don't think of myself as a powerful negotiator so I'm not really the right person to answer this question but I will walk you through my logic so my logic goes like this if you're adding value to somebody's life the thing that people are willing to trade for that value is money it is literally the currency that we've all said hey this is a shorthand for value so I'm going to exchange this because money has potential in it meaning that you can use it to do something else and that's where that inert thing then becomes valuable to you so if the thing that you have the knowledge that you have the person wants more than they want that money then why on earth would you ever be hesitant to ask for that money if what you're putting off on people however is not more valuable than the money then you should be ashamed so this really comes down to how much value are you offering people with what you're doing and the easiest way to figure that out is to give it like you were doing and then find out if then people are later willing to pay for it and if they're not then you didn't add much value and here's what I'll say to any consultant if you can give away your secrets in an hour a day or even a [ __ ] week you actually don't have secrets I am literally pouring my soul into this company to give away every secret that I have in writing in video I'm working on a book everything all I'm trying to do every time I get in front of the camera every time I post an Instagram post I am trying to give you every secret I have every time I write the newsletter go subscribe I am trying to give away every secret I am NOT holding anything back I'm literally pouring my heart and soul into this and what's happening to the community it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger the more value I give away for free the bigger the community gets the more people come here when I think about doing an Instagram post I never phone it in when I say I'm really trying to peel myself open and say how did I get here what did I learn what do I actually do not like [ __ ] not trite stuff not clever linguistics that you see stamped on an image like for real read the captions I'm trying to give you everything I know because of that I've built a big audience we're approaching a million people in this community in just over a year this is insanity so give it away give it away give it away now and then when the moment is right when you've got something that you really believe is valuable then you sell it now I could easily sell the information that I'm giving away free and the only reason I don't is there is something far more valuable to me down the road that I am going to ask you to pay for and in those moments when I say I have no guilt I have no guilt so Dan you've got to break that mindset you cannot think like that if you're really giving people value the it should be an exchange of value it does not make sense for you to struggle to make ends meet to [ __ ] not be able to put food on your own plate if you're really giving people something of value like that that is absurd so in fact I'll say this if you're really giving people something of value that they want more than their money generate real [ __ ] wealth I am totally unconflicted about that all right so I didn't give you any information by the way on negotiating other than to get your head in the right place because once you really believe in the value that you're giving then suddenly you're not gonna be weird about asking for it and the only thing I try to do is what is a reasonable amount to ask for this what will the market bear I'm not trying to gouge anybody but I'm not bashful at all about asking for what the real exchange of value is based on how much time and energy have I spent building this knowledge or whatever it is that I'm trying to sell so yeah that was terrible [ __ ] answer about negotiating but since I don't consider myself an expert negotiator there you have it alright Devan 1978 hey Tom about your book how much do you progress on your book on a weekly basis very little and how much focus and work do you put into it on a weekly basis very little but I will say that we have an amazing woman who's helping me on the book who's dragging me along the path and making me externalize this stuff what I this is one of the few times I let what I want to be true collide with what actually is true and I think that the book is gonna be really powerful and it will be that very tangible I don't know why that was very hard word for me to get out but it's a very tangible thing for people to grab on to it gives people something in a super succinct manner but secretly I want the videos to work secretly because I love doing these because when I'm doing this I get to embody it and I can do these very fast this is a very efficient use of my time whereas the book I'm a slow writer and so working with a ghostwriter and it is harder than I thought to really get to the depths of my ideas and make it so that somebody else can then put the words around them and because I just want to do the the videos and the comic books can can I really share storytelling is such passion of mine and the book isn't like the comic I'm so [ __ ] excited about the comic so I don't put I was gonna say nearly enough time that may be the right word I don't put as much time as I need to in the book to get it out rapidly that I will say cuz that's just objectively true but the comics are more important to me because they lead to the TV shows they lead to the movies and I think ultimately I will impact far more people with the TV shows and movies that I will with the book that's the raw truth so and because of that there's like this weird internal conflict in myself but it is moving it will come out at some point I'm really hopeful that in 2018 that we will at least have the finished manuscript and so that's a pretty aggressive goal a pretty real goal for me so there it is alright moving on Helder Cruz Facebook do I have to lose everything in my life to get out of the matrix no no not at all but you do need to change the way that you believe things it's about changing your belief system but you don't have to lose anything in your life other than your hang-ups and limiting beliefs but I've found that pulling myself out of the matrix has given me everything quite frankly it's helped me develop my relationship with my wife it's helped me generate wealth in my life it's helped me become more effective literally at every aspect no matter what metric you use it's given me things rather than taking them away so other than limiting beliefs and excuses those that has completely robbed me of in amazing fashion Carrie Lee Facebook do you find that people at the higher levels of success and the current leading thought escapes white know what that means our competitive doggy-dog are more supportive of one another because they all want to contribute to a better planet in humanity I think it's a mixed bag and I think that we're living in a time where people that want to contribute make a better world they're able to find each other they're able to amplify each other's voices and that is awesome for the first time in human history we're living through a we're the single most powerful marketing vehicle that you could have is to legitimately be a good person and want good things for your customers that's incredible I don't think that's ever existed before I think it's been a slow burn I think it's been beneficial but I don't think it's ever before been the most powerful marketing vehicle that you could have but I also think that there's dicks out there that totally take advantage and abuse and are just hateful hateful people so both of them exist but there are just incredible incredible voices out there Ray Dalio is an incredible generous voice that has just changed me massively God let's go through a few people that I think really legitimately want to make the world a better place and forgive me if I don't mention you because there are so many dr. Shefali I was just on a thing that she did yesterday day before that was awesome I think she's amazing Gerard Adams I think is incredible and God when you see what he's doing in Newark is just unbelievable Gary Vee is exactly who you guys think he is he's so legit like off camera just a super good dude wants to win for himself for the absolute [ __ ] highest level but actually wants good things for other people Lewis Howes such a nice guy Jim quick holy [ __ ] Jim wants good things for people such an amazingly good dude and the list goes on and on everybody that's ever come on the show was kind enough Seth Godin oh I love Seth they just take time to really do amazing things for people and literally I could just go down the list not everyone but the vast majority of people that are out there really want good things for people Tony Robbins who's been incredibly kind to me and my real-life Peter do you man is like the list goes on and on and on I think there are a lot of amazing voices out there that really really truly want to help people so they should be easy to find alright that was fun but I think listing everybody is probably not helpful Jumaane sablon Cabrera dude it's good to hear from you again marie forleo talks about embracing yourself if you consider yourself a multi passionate entrepreneur do you think embracing that is more of a positive or do you believe it's more impactful to be a master of one arc there's an some quote I can't remember if it's you can do everything you want in life just not at the same time or you can do anything you want in life just not at the same time don't remember which one's accurate they both work ish so I'm a huge believer in that so you can't do it all at the same time I think it does become a distraction but leveraging a collision of multiple things that you love is actually how you get ahead and so like if you look at what I'm doing between my absolute love for storytelling and my well practiced ability to articulate ideas I've put those two things together and so I think that is going to help me be successful and I don't think I would ever be able to get the studio off the ground without the social content so yeah bringing those things together I think it's incredibly incredibly powerful but there is a laundry list of things that I want to pursue like I would legitimately love to own an eSports team like that would be so rad I'm so into video games but I think that that would be until later when we get into video games I think that that would be a big distraction right now so there it is all right Zack smiley Oh which by the way Marie Forleo is another amazing human being that off camera is just a bundle of joy Zack smiley YouTube hey Tom I battle with myself and get the fraud feeling about where I'm going I am pushing my way into an industry had absolutely no experience network in and I feel like a fake a lot advice yes everybody lean in right now oh I really want this one to sink in with you guys okay here is the truth everybody has a feeling I have it I still have it like every day it doesn't matter like you need to set that aside here's the truth the only belief you need to have is that you can learn anything now if you can learn anything you're going to go into that industry and you're going to look for ways to add value you're also going to be looking to learn as much as humanly possible learn learn learn do anything and everything you can to generate momentum on that side of your life to go and be learning just the other day I flew over a thousand miles literally for a two-hour meeting with a guy cuz I thought he might be able to teach me something when you've got that voracious desire to learn like you're gonna find that you're able to create momentum and in the meeting if you're always looking ways to leverage what you already do know to help that person or to marry with what you're trying to build and just focus on building momentum rather than worrying about whether or not you're a fake sure you're a fake yep you don't know as much as you need to know absolutely true but if you can generate all the momentum if you can get other people aligned with your vision if you can bring on people that really do know something if you're open to learning and you're amassing that knowledge and you're applying that knowledge as rapidly as you get it that's the key if you really want to remember something you need to apply apply that knowledge right away but I'm telling you I knew nothing about technology when I went into it I learned about that I knew nothing about food and protein bars when I went to I learned about that I knew nothing about comic books [ __ ] I'm telling you right now I'm gonna take over the comic book industry I can feel it in my bones now that doesn't mean that I don't also feel in my bones that I'm in way over my head but every day I'm thinking cool I'll learn a little bit more each day each day I'm gonna learn I'm gonna learn I'm gonna learn and because I'm not afraid to embarrass myself remember if you're going to WonderCon come by booth 1502 and watch me embarrass myself I'm telling you right now the booth is gonna be ridiculous we don't even have anything we're giving away sleeves we are giving away empty sleeves to put your comic books in so that we can get people's email addresses guys do you know pathetic that is but that's far better than me going well I don't know enough and so I'm not gonna go I'm like I don't give a [ __ ] if I'm embarrassed I'm gonna go there because I know I'm gonna meet somebody I'm gonna pick up a little bit of information I'm gonna go wander around I'm gonna see who's an upcoming artist who's got you know some talent as a writer I'm gonna start amassing these people I want them to meet me I want to become a familiar face I want people to see me even though I know I'm gonna be awash in shame and embarrassment that I have a booth at a comic convention [ __ ] comic and that's why I'm going to win and if you can let that into your soul if you can let the knowledge that the thing that has made me successful is I am shameless totally unafraid to embarrass myself because inside every time someone laughs at me I'm laughing so much louder because I know on a long enough time line I will amass the knowledge that I need I will take over the industry I will do what I need to be to be the single most dominant force in whatever I go into because I'm unrelenting I will not quit I will not stop because I'm embarrassed I will not let feeling like a fraud stop me or even slow me down I will just keep going and learning and learning and learning and learning and learning and my voracious hunger for knowledge will consume anyone who tries to go against me I'm just telling you right now if you're willing to play the game at the intensity level that I am for the duration of time that I am every day waking up and trying to generate momentum you will win so don't worry about feeling like a fraud Wow only got five minutes left for now next question Nicki Simpson Facebook what advice do you have for extremely pessimistic spouses I'm finding it hard to change my mindset when my husband is set on the world sucks you just suffer through it make do then you die whoa okay so first and foremost you're gonna meet him with compassion like literally that breaks my heart to hear that that is the world that he's chosen to live in that is gut-wrenching especially because there is a thin membrane between him and that darkness and hopelessness and just like sadness and this bright sunny beautiful world that he could live in where things are possible and the game is fulfillment and finding ways to decide that you're going to love something to build into your life a feeling of gratitude build into your life a feeling of gratitude the exact same situation but you choose to focus on different things cultivate different things in you and you get something beautiful so truly truly to understand that that really is it just sucks that he's trapped in that now the hard part I couldn't live there and I would avail my spouse of everything that I could think of to help them be happy to help them find fulfillment to help them build gratitude into their life but under no circumstances would I allow someone who's refusing to do that work to drag me down that's a misery for you as well and it's gonna mean some really hard conversations it's gonna mean some really hard conversations early so that it's not with an ultimatum or a threat because if you say do this or I'm leaving they will entrench in their position you will become the bad guy they won't be open to your message so this has got to be something that you lead with and you tell them I'm here I want to help you get there I need you to get there I'm not interested in staying in a dark place I want to see you enjoy your life and I want to work with you on that obviously I can't do it for you so but you've got to really call them out like you can't suffer in silence you can't begin to resent them in silence which is what you will do and so you've got to have those hard conversations over and over and over it you got to be way encouraging when they do something like if they were to meditate or they were to sit with you and do a gratitude practice and literally say let's just do three minutes and in the morning each of us for 90 seconds will say things that were grateful for if they're unwilling to do 90 seconds that's scary but I would keep on them for a while explain to them that it's important to you and then start small doing things like that building that in and helping them get there it's not going to happen overnight but if you're consistent and they're willing you really can get there and then on a long enough timeline let me tell you if they're just totally resistant and I've tried everything I've tried therapy I've tried doing things like the 90 second gratitude practice reading books together I've tried rewarding them emotionally lavishly when they do something like a 90 90 second gratitude practice if they still just won't won't won't won't eventually I do hit the point where I'm like yeah this doesn't make sense all right now in that dark note I'm gonna say goodbye to everybody guys thank you so much for joining me today this was amazing and by the way again if you're a comics book fan and you're gonna be at the WonderCon in Anaheim this weekend join me at booth 1502 and today's episode was brought to you by do the work if you want to get this shirt go right now to shop that impact Theory dot-com support the cause show the love self signal which is the most important part tell yourself and everybody else what you're all about all right guys if you haven't already be sure to subscribe and if you're not sharing this content it would be amazing you would have my gratitude if you would share this if it's added value to you that just goes farther than you can possibly imagine so thank you guys so much and until next time my friends be a legendary take care [Music]