chycho

How To Deal With Deadbeat Family and Friends (Relationship and Personal Finance Advice)

Duration: 12:15 1670 transcript words EN summary

Video summary

The video addresses the difficult reality of dealing with "deadbeat" family members and friends who consistently drain resources and cause significant stress without offering support in return. The core message is that while love for family is essential, especially in life-or-death situations or health emergencies, there must be a clear boundary when these individuals become unable to care for themselves or rely on others to pay their way through life. The speaker emphasizes that helping someone who cannot carry their own weight indefinitely is unsustainable and can lead to the helper being dragged down into chaos, much like a drowning person pulling others under with them. It is not considered selfish to step away from such toxic dynamics; rather, it is a necessary act of self-preservation that might also force the irresponsible individual to finally take responsibility for their own life. A crucial distinction is made between emotional support and financial enablement, particularly regarding substance abuse or addiction. The transcript strongly advises keeping anyone addicted to alcohol or drugs at arm's length and never inviting them into one's home, as they are likely to steal, lie, cheat, and create disorder if given the opportunity over time. This principle extends to protecting vulnerable family members, such as elderly parents, from abuse by irresponsible relatives who might try to exploit them for a comfortable life. The speaker argues that allowing such abuse is unconscionable and that one must intervene decisively, though physical confrontation should be avoided in front of loved ones to prevent causing further emotional trauma. When faced with the dilemma of whether to financially bail out a sibling or friend who has returned home after years of misconduct, the advice leans toward setting firm limits to protect one's own peace of mind and the well-being of parents. The speaker shares personal anecdotes about cutting off friends who used them for money and compares mooching relatives to rodents that destroy tomatoes just to take a bite, illustrating how these individuals consume resources without contributing anything of value. Even if giving a large sum of money could buy temporary peace for aging parents, the ultimate goal is ensuring the problematic person leaves rather than returning for more, as continuous enabling only perpetuates the cycle of dependency and stress. Ultimately, the video concludes with wisdom meant to be shared with one's younger self: dump anyone who constantly nagges you to compromise your safety, finances, or ethics. The speaker admits that being a loyal friend can be exploited, so it is vital to learn early on that saying no does not mean breaking down and giving in to pressure. While past experiences of carrying family burdens taught valuable lessons without regret, the key takeaway is to avoid repeating these mistakes by identifying toxic patterns immediately. By recognizing that people who treat you poorly are merely relatives by blood rather than true family, one can make the hard but necessary decision to remove such burdens from their life for the sake of their own mental health and the stability of their immediate household.

Read the full video transcript

Ariel, how are you doing? Have you ever had a sibling who basically is a dead beat? How can we help them? And at what point should you quote let them go? End quote. They're holding my me back and giving me so much stress, but love is difficult. Um, yes. And it's up to you, Ariel. It's up to you. I can't I can't give any advice on when uh when you have to draw the line. It's up to you. That's family. Uh, but I can tell you it has to be at a point where you've done all you can to a level where it is extremely stressful and really [ __ ] with your life, then you can't take it anymore, then you have to make a decision. Okay? But family is family. Uh, you should always be there for them. If it's a life or death situation, there's no doubt about it. So, put everything aside. If it's a life death situation, health associated and stuff like this, you should be there for them. But for everyday thing where they can't even carry their own [ __ ] weight, uh, you have to let them at some point you have to say, "Look, [ __ ] you need to take care of your own [ __ ] life. I can't I can't carry you no more. If it's a life and death, I'll be there for you, but not to [ __ ] pay your way in life. Okay? Now, the God says to Ariel, "I [ __ ] off my brother last year. Useless drunk." At some point, you have to step away, right? At some point, you have to step away. You cannot It's like a drowning person. If they're taking you down with them, you can't you can't go down with them, right? You have other people in your life that love you and you love them. You can't you can't sacrifice your life for a stupid [ __ ] I know I wasn't going to recommend, but it is what it is. But it's up to you when you decide to do that, right? And it's not even stupid. It's selfishness, right? At some point, and maybe that's the best thing for them, right? Maybe that'll make them grow up, right? Take responsibility of their own [ __ ] lives. Racer, I really missed uh misread Elder God's message about his brother. Super glad I read it again. I'm guessing you said you read it as if he [ __ ] his brother. [gasps] Don't [ __ ] your brother. That's not good, man. That's a bad time. Or will be hilarious racer. You must go, what? Who is this elder god? Salute. You just have to be comfortable with however way things play out. For better or for worse, you can still sleep at night and not have regrets that you could have done more. Right? You have to reach a certain point and say, "I couldn't have done more and I can't do anymore." And once you reach that point, you're at peace. Okay. Oh my god. He moved back home to parents two years ago, giving my mom mental health issues. A [ __ ] [ __ ] alcohol, man. I've seen alcohol [ __ ] up a lot of people. Alcoholics, you know, I've had some, you know, whatever. But I can tell you if someone's addicted to anything, substances, alcohol, drugs, or whatnot, keep them at a [ __ ] arms length and never let them never invite them into your home, okay? They will steal from you. They will lie to you. They will cheat you. They will [ __ ] you up. They will create chaos in your life if you put up with it long enough. That is what you do. Elder God, I am thinking about giving him £5,000 to leave my parents in peace. But will he will he blow that £5,000 and then come back again for more? Right. But if it buys your parents some time to live in peace, I'd do it. Elder God, I do it. But make sure he leaves, right? You can't. And one thing you'll come across as you get older, you'll find out that family, irresponsible family will abuse the elderly to have a more comfortable life. Right? Elderly abuse is real. So you have to protect the elderly. It's like protecting children. If someone is abusing children, you [ __ ] them up. If someone's abusing the elderly, you [ __ ] them up. End of story. You cannot allow, no matter who they are, to abuse the most vulnerable in our society. That is unconscionable. You you cannot allow that. Ah, elder god, that might put your parents in stress because your parents love your your brother, right? So, you can't go physical on that level with a sibling in front of parents because that'll destroy them. That'll [ __ ] them up. There has to be another way. You can't Don't go physical, brother. Don't go physical. It just doesn't work out. Dark. Ouch. M junk. I've had friends too in my past that had to had I had to let go because they were starting to use me for money. Yeah, me too. Me too. I had to tell a friend of mine once. He you know I lent him some money and stuff like this and he called me up and said, "Oh, can you give me this much?" Over the phone. I told him, "Look, [ __ ] I'm a friend. I'm not a [ __ ] bank. So, no, no more [ __ ] money." Right? I've done that with family as well. No more money. That's it. Oh, God. He's He's my He's not my sibling anymore. Just a problem to be removed. Yeah, I feel you, Elder God. But to your parents, it's their kid, right? It's their kid. But if they hang around, they will kill your parents with stress. So that's not fair to them. You have to protect them. So I don't know. Hard to say, brother. I [ __ ] I don't I don't like giving advice and talking about that kind of [ __ ] because everybody has problem people in their lives that they have to deal with, right? The worst is kids that mooch off their parents. It's [ __ ] up. And to a certain degree, that's parents fault as well because they didn't raise that not that they didn't raise that child the right way. They something went haywire. Something went haywire, right? Oh, my drunk. That's almost identical to the same thing I had to I said to him. Yeah. Yeah. At some point, you come to that realization. You got to [ __ ] [ __ ] off. Done. Right. As you get older, you realize that. And all all the times that I've carried family and friends, I don't regret, right? Because those taught me a lesson that I am applying right now. Right. So, no regrets, but make sure you don't make the same mistake again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. So, it's [ __ ] ridiculous. We're going all the way to the end. Fantastic. Y'all god. My sisters disowned him years ago. Really? He's like a dirty rat that keeps eating the cheese in the night. He's like the [ __ ] rodents that come here eat my tomatoes. Look at this. Here. I'll show you. Look at this. Here's a [ __ ] tomato that the [ __ ] thing destroyed. Right. Here's another one. They come and take a bite out of a [ __ ] tomato. Look at that. And then they throw the rest away. That's like a [ __ ] having a addict drunk. Someone that's mooching off you, right? They destroy this for a [ __ ] bite. [ __ ] idiots. All right. A rodent does that because it's a rodent. It's an animal. That's what they do. That's acceptable. When a human being does that, [ __ ] that human being. Man, we're going dark. Right. It is what it is. It is what it is. [laughter] Oh god, that tomato is the very definition of a wayward child. Hilarious. Robo, people that treat you like [ __ ] aren't family. They're just people you're related to. Yeah, it is what it is, man. It is what it is. We all have our burdens and we all have to deal with it, right? For the sake of family, for the sake of parents, you got to do what you can, but you can't let them take you down with you with them. Racer, if you could send the message back in time to your younger self, but you can only send one bit of wisdom only one time, what would you say? What would I say to my younger self? Dimu, don't get married. Lucky for me, never did. So, for sure. Uh, keep the red rats away. Keep the red rats away. Don't Here's one thing I would say. I've had friends which bug you, bug you, bug you, bug you, bug you, bug you to do something for them. This is one thing I would say. Once you say no to someone, make sure you don't break down and do what they want you to do because they're nagging you. So, what I would say to my younger self is anybody that's nagging you to compromise you, yourself, your safety, your money, your your ethics for them, dump them. Okay? It's happened to me a few times. Uh, it took me a while to learn my lesson because I'm a very uh loyal friend. Okay? But people abuse that loyalty. Uh so I would say dump those [ __ ]