How To Become Dangerously Competent - Bedros Keuilian (4K)

what does man up mean to you uh man up just simply means to me to human up as in human up to your Highest Potential I think as humans we're not all created equally in other words many of us 95% of us maybe even greater operate as human animals impulsive instinctive reactive selfish necessary for survival however Consciousness dictates that we evolve to our highest that we become selfless that we become servants and that there is no users's manual that teaches Chris how to go from Human Animal to human being being Consciousness Radiance Connected To Source or Creator right and so man up I manned up my way which is why that was the title of my book manned up my way to becoming a better human less emotional more responsive less reactive and that led to becoming a better leader better entrepreneur better husband better father led to overcoming many of my childhood traumas sexual abuse physical abuse um but I can tell you that when you man up to your higher self or human up to your higher self uh it's it's a gift it's a gift and we all start as human animals because I believe that is our number one purpose we have to first devel velop and work through to then find our true purpose to serve Humanity I'm feeling the word Ascend here you know to transcend yeah to become better than your base instincts to transcend and include in uh Wilbur and language yeah it's uh I think an awful lot about how at the mercy of the confused chemical signals of our body we are you know the the reason that we do many things is because of the paths of leas resistance or societal Norm or what we learned when we were a kid or the way that we dealt with past traumas or that thing that we want right now yeah and that to me doesn't feel like Liberation that feels like slavery it is it is modern day slavery uh and I do believe that the opposition you know news media big Pharma military-industrial complex food industry the government certainly controlled by all those elements uh have a oppressive benefit they have a they have a reason to oppress humanity and keep them as human animals as dependent and needy and reactive and emotional as possible because that is how you then manipulate and get control and compliance so I had this conversation with Eric Weinstein a couple of months ago about the objective of modern media is not to convince you of any one narrative but to make belief in all narratives be less certain and I I don't disagree I think that fire hosing as a tool is very useful in making people uncertain about the future yeah what I couldn't get to and Eric couldn't either was what is the end goal usefulness of that because I don't just see people being uh pliable complicit compliant citizens I have seen as many if not more people use their new distrust in mainstream media and farma companies and so on and so forth I've seen as many people use that as the activation energy to become almost Rebels as I have people roll over backward and say Please Mr big government just tell me what to do so I was skeptical at least a little skeptical that this strategy is either achieving the outcomes that they meant or is actually coordinated because it doesn't seem to be making appliable populace as far as I can see do you get where I'm coming from here I I do but I do wonder is it because of the circles that you're running in that you see more people who are rebellious against this does that make sense a friend a friend group of middle fingers yeah yeah if we were to go hang out and and I'll use this term exactly as I mean it with the peasants of humanity the majority the unwashed masses the Human animals they are the majority you would see that we and the circles that you hang out with are the minority it's just our circles consist of people who are rebellious who are freethinkers who are sovereign who will give the middle finger to the man that's we are the minority do you think you need to be cautious of using words like like the the the peasantry of humanity the unwashed masses do you worry that that might be dehumanizing sometimes no because I hope that that is triggering to most so that they will understand the point that I'm making I love Humanity I will fight for Humanity and I and I pray that the masses stop living at the bottom of the mountain and take the journey to the top because when they do as we talked about earlier Transcendence takes place but first they have to get triggered first they have to be told what no one else is willing to tell them that they are the unwashed masses that they are slave labor that they are there to just work be in Debt Pay taxes die lose majority of your inheritance to the government so that your kids can repeat the cycle that should piss them off enough to want to transcend in the process will I get some hate messages absolutely I'm not a stranger to that yeah it's uh Alex hosi is the guy that I think taught me most about nudging your view of activation energy from just being something which has to be positive some to being able to use something which is actually a really negative fuel source to kick you out of the bottom so his idea is people need some sort of motivation some sort of justification to make changes most people have way more pain than they do pleasure use what you have right and and that is absolutely true and resentment of you resentment of your message resentment of you of being accused of being the unwashed mass peasantry is also part of that activation energy well Tony Robin says that more people take action to avoid pain than to gain pleasure and so we know that to be true and as I say those words make no mistake about it and I talk openly about this I was peasant class I was beyond blue collar I was the unwashed masses I was the guy that was dependent on government when I came here from the Soviet Union lived in Section 8 housing had medical and Medicare sought out the cheapest ways to live because I wasn't prepared to do my part and so I was that guy and had I not had a mentor in my early 20s who slapped sense into me this very way uh I I don't believe I would have had that Awakening and I believe it's our job to pay it forward so you had at a uh hard love a tough love Mentor which presumably shapes how you then look to Mentor people moving forward yeah I would say so Jim Franco was definitely a kogy old East Coast guy entrepreneur who definitely mentored me with hard love why do you think the story that we tell ourselves influences our lives so much well the story that we tell ourselves is a byproduct of what happened to us what's what people tell us like oh well you're you're big boned you've always been clumsy you've you've you know everyone in our family is fat you know like this this is what I've heard I'm not pointing to you per se I'm just pointing to myself like this is what I've heard right so if that's a story we start piecing together what an identity oh well this is if that's my story this must be my identity I'm clumsy Big Bone supposed to stay fat not supposed to be active clumsy okay got it now that I know that's my identity which by the way is a false identity we we we go into life looking for evidence to validate that identity and you will always find what you're looking for yeah yeah the reticular activating system is one hell of a drug you know you buy a new car you see that every why how there was never these many cars on the road before it's because you're looking for it yeah yeah uh I heard a really phenomenal quote a year ago to do with cynicism uh people with low self-esteem will always find a way to be miserable yeah and it's this predisposition that you have to look for the thing that you you're look looking for confirmation bias the world is the way that I predicted it to be we were talking earlier on about control uh and the fact that there is a a comfort in knowing and even if that knowing is Bing in even if that knowing is not accurate or useful if it feels like it's predictively correct because you can warp what you see to retrofit what you believe you end up with a world that feels like it's in control yes and when you feel like you have some sense of control then you have less stress less anxiety Etc now you may not have a quality of life at least a great quality of life you may not have great income you may you may not be of the best health but at least it fits your locus of control and and and you're able to have some predictable results someone your neighbor in the very next house could have a very different life experience because of how they view the world even if that material cons conditions are exactly the same correct yeah I mean this example from Sam Harris is so phenomenal so everybody has done a tough workout where up into zone five heart rate and they've got the taste of metal in the back of their throat and they're lying on the ground doing a sweat angel that even though objectively it's an uncomfortable feeling is oddly satisfying because of the story you tell yourself about what that means I deserve this this is making my body better if you had that sensation spontaneously arise in traffic you would jump out of the car and try and go to the hospital right you would think that you were having some sort of heart attack dripping with sweat and a heart rate and all this stuff so that proves that the story you tell yourself about the present moment largely determines your experience of it and I think it's the is it the seven or nine most meaningful words in all of uh philosophy uh the universe itself is change uh the universe is change and life itself is what we deem it life itself is what we deem it that's exactly right it's the story that we tell ourselves now it is shaped by those who raised us and had influence over us and that we work for ETC but it is ultimately life it is what we deem it and and and so you have to be relentlessly protective of the information that you take in the thoughts that occupy your mind the people that you surround yourself with because all of those things are influence factors another stoic uh philosopher once said that you know when you leave your house and when you come back that night you come back as a different man you're never the same man coming back right well you either coming back as a better human more Transcendent more aware more more connected or not I think this is this kind of holistic view of personal development you can fold masculinity and and sort of manhood into this whether it's third wave manosphere or you know ethical uh personal development whatever term you want to give it I think this is really taking hold at the moment because especially men have started to realize the hustle and grind until my eyes bleed culture has its place but is also unfulfilling in itself if I can't have a relationship with someone that I care about if I can't open up about my emotions if I can't deal with my past traumas like the renaissance man is the guy who is able to tap into it all you know uh that is happy to go out and do fantastic in business tell people difficult things stand up for himself make decisions without being fearful and then go home and let his little girl's draw on his face yeah you know like it's that and that Duality that softness and that hardness I think is what really makes you you know physically fit mentally fit mindful aquanus all that stuff uh and that's I think that it's a good the subculture that I at least begin to see burbling under the surface with regards to uh men's mental health role models and stuff like that I think is beginning to find its feet yeah it really is and I'm a forever Optimist and I can tell you that we're seeing more men realizing that it's not just about the car the watch the possessions working until my eyes bleed um at the project this thing that we run a men's personal development program we have the five pillars and it's Faith Family Fitness finance and fulfillment uh obviously the finance is what most people think about right well if I just make good money I'll be a good provider as a man most men think that they're relegated to just being a provider well I provide a roof over their head they're safe they have food they have school supplies but there's more to being a man you know there is more to being a man what about a level of Faith as in confidence in yourself Faith In Yourself faith in a higher power that there's a path for you right faith in your friends and your circle of influence that these guys who set up this amazing studio can set it up in a way that we can have this moment right so then you've got your faith you got your finances great what about Fitness and on the fitness side I believe that physical fitness is the gateway drug to emotional and mental Fitness most people who do get fit physically completely neglect mental and emotional hygiene and they are living stressed overwhelmed addicted to Vices or financially broke because they completely forgot about the other F pillars and so that Fitness is really about can you be physically fit because think about what level of focus consistency delayed gratification discipline that is required for a man to get lean jacked and stay lean and jacked for a prolonged period of time that's a lot of you got to do in terms of how you eat how you train your nutrition your sleep Etc your environment and that bleeds into well maybe I can have some greater control going back to locus of control I can have some greater control over my mental health emotional discipline and so if we can factor that then then what do we have left well we got family because if you you have money you've got mental physical emotional Fitness and you've got some level of you know ability to have experiences and go places and bit of material Freedom yeah but you don't have anyone to enjoy it with yeah what do you think about this you know you you talk to and speak to a a type of man you know that I think could be categorized as uh dominant lean in Alpha in some regards there is another group of guys on the internet who would also categorize themselves as Alpha who are very anti family creation who are uh looking toward women and giving advice to men uh that uh the opposite sex is someone to be avoided at all costs or to be uh used and discarded to be treated as uh transient transactional objects how do you see this sort of world of you know red pill manosphere men's advice with your perspective given that you work almost exclusively with men yeah yeah I I truth to be told man I I despise most of that red pill world and to say that look you know all women are bad and all women want to use you and all women are chasing down the dudes with the Lambos and the watches and the money that is not that is not true that is not true again that that is you will always find evidence for what you're looking for in life and so if these young kids are seeing that on YouTube right I say young kids in their 20s late 20s even in 30s I'm 49 what do you got I mean what do what do you got so you got a life where you're lonely the number one category of suici suicide is men over the age of 60 who are alone so that's what they're preaching in other words be alone just have sex move on have sex move on and at some point your value as a man you become old and now you're alone you don't have a life partner the highest category of suicide for men is men over 60 who are alone either divorced or widowed or never found anyone so like that's the end game they're preaching that's stupid the the highest level of fulfillment is not it's not stuff it's not even Legacy it's actually having children and seeing those children become great members of society value adders to society knowing that when you pass that is the Legacy you leave behind like I've got Andrew and Khloe a son and a daughter who will do so much more good for this planet than I ever did because I got such a late start mhm whereas they started off my wife and I poured into them from day one to be just Servants of humanity but to also be Savages in terms of expectations for themselves right and so that is the greatest Legacy and so without my wife how can I have those two beautiful children and even if I were to adopt them I can't give them the love that a mom can give the nurturing the safety I can give them what a dad can give and so it's necessary that we connect and so these dudes that get behind a microphone and a camera and they preach this is just hurt people hurting more people it's all it is and there you know that happens I think a lot of what I'm seeing and this isn't to say that everybody needs to have kids there is absolutely a cohort of people out there for whom they can get to old age and the end of their life without a family and maybe make the right call and say that that was the right call but not having a life partner right to me seems you have to be an unbelievably rarified stru of human to say oh it's just me and my paintings and my cats or dogs or whatever uh and you know this Perpetual sort of juvenile world uh it doesn't seem heroic to me it doesn't scream highest service it doesn't scream you know overcoming my base instincts giving back to to the world and Humanity it's like this sort of endless immature honic like sludge that you just keep pumping into yourself and what I also see is like an industrial strength cope that's used by these people to try and retrofit meaning into their life through other areas right you know look at the people who are obsessed by politics or obsessed by the Deep state or obsessed by conspiracy theories or obsessed by comic books whatever it writes something because they need to imbue meaning into their life through a vehicle because they do not have that coming from a significant other and or kids that come along with it we are hardwired to search out find develop our purpose we're hardwired for that and in the absence of it so you don't have a life partner you don't have children which are the two two of the highest sorts of purpose and then your vocation would be probably the third highest source of purpose in the absence of that you begin to glum onto something I don't care if it's antifa or black lives matter or some the new gay flag that's you know it's got triangles and and whatever I don't care if you want to be a transgender unicorn like I'm all Fort man fly your freak flag however the people that are so locked on to that as their purpose are locked on to that because they are lacking true purpose and meaning and fulfillment in their life and so you're forced to glom onto something because the absence of purpose means you are going to be addicted to Vices pornography Vape alcohol whatever the thing might be and that's how they start spiraling into anxiety and depression and self-loathing we'll get back to talking to bed Ross in one minute but first I need to tell you about element element contains a science backed electrolyte ratio of sodium 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relationship that you have with that inner voice it's something that I've changed an awful lot in myself over the last 5 to 10 years let's say that there's someone listening who says all right bed Ross seems okay for you you have got a lot of freedom and you're evidently friends with the person that exists inside of your head what would you say to someone who has a bad Inn ofice and wants to change it well I think the very first place to start is to understand that we are very unique creatures on this planet we live on three different planes don't we and my dog cookie has no idea about that only we have self-awareness we have the sense of purpose and we live on three planes the physical plane like this is a vehicle this you know your body is a vessel a vehicle and it's deteriorating no matter what you do take all the drugs you want all the hormones you want time will obviously wiy will win right exactly so we live on that physical plane but we're also energy we're Radiance we're a soul we're a spirit we're energy and then somewhere beyond between those two there's the thoughts feelings and emotions that you have so you're living on life on three planes and as you get older assuming you're doing the work because wisdom is not just age wisdom is experience compounded by age there you have wisdom so literally your soul your Consciousness gets wiser as your body begins to deteriorate and this is why you hear old folks always saying if I could just go back like what do they say age is wasted on the youth that term exists because if I just knew what I know now then oh my gosh what I could have done in my 20s they say right and so we have to reconcile the fact that the vehicle is dying the vehicle that I'm in is dying yet I have greater self-control greater selfmaster more in line with what my god-given source purpose is and there I still have thoughts feelings and emotions and I have to master those so that I could keep driving towards my god-given purpose as my body is deteriorating and so the inner voice is constantly fighting with those three factors the human animal Consciousness the physical being that breaks down and gets sick which they should take care of Eat Right work out Etc and then the thoughts feelings and emotions because they are living in congruently the reasons our negative selft talk exist is just that's your conscience your conscience has no other way of getting your attention other than making you feel bad making you feel shame guilt anxiety depression that's how your conscious knocks on your door and says dude you're living in congruently with how you believe you should be living and that's why I'm giving you negative thoughts and negative voices in your head just literally flip the switch and tomorrow live congruently to the man you want to live be don't hit the snooze button maybe you're sick and tired of hitting the snooze button drink your 30 ounces of water like Sean Stevenson says right first thing in the morning I don't even know why he said that I just love the guy so much I read that in his book like 10 years ago and I just drink 30 ounces of water every single morning it doesn't do it doesn't do me any harm only does me good I send out my three gratitude text messages because I wake up angry and bitter most days because that's factory installed for me like I know who I am I'm so self-aware that I have to send out three gratitude text messages every morning so I can put myself in a state of gratitude that is what Consciousness and my conscience demands of me and if I don't I'll still be the miserable yeah right so we have to do the thing that our body wants us to do be congruent with the man you want to be if you don't the inner selft talk will always be negative yeah the uh keeping promises to yourself is just this insanely powerful tactic and what I realized especially throughout a lot of my 20s was that the the things that I was doing in the story that I was telling myself about who I should be weren't aligning right right that I just I felt like I was built for more I felt like I should be more mindful more equanimous that my memory my the texture of my existence should have been better the inner texture not materially right I never cared for that I I still don't large which is what I think makes me a particularly bad businessman I ran a business for 15 years didn't really care it was just a game to me it was never really about money money was a it's a fantastic scoreboard but it wasn't about that I felt like I was built for more and I knew that I wasn't keeping promises to myself like I was cheating on girlfriends and stuff and the worst part about the way that I felt after cheating on girlfriends wasn't me being caught it was what it told me about the sort of person that I was that I would have hurt this completely innocent other part of my life who done nothing except for care for me done nothing except for try and make my life good and I'd been disloyal and damaging and I thought right is this really like who you are is this really who you want to be and I I didn't and that was like it was like a Fugue state for a long time time of me thinking well Jesus Christ like if this is if this is the person that you say that you're supposed to be why the hell are you doing all of these different things right right and so how did you feel let's just like let's just take a moment and unravel that for a moment if you don't mind so as you're cheating and as you're doing things it's harming this person who otherwise loves you and cares for you and wants to see you thrive and you know that that's not the guy that you are this is not the man that you want to be the difference between that is how did you feel what did you experience it was pain it was a lack it was a sense of a lack it was a uh a bitterness turned inward against my own inaptitude my own weakness my own fragility uh the fact that I was at the mercy of my own base instincts I didn't have the control I didn't have the Insight I I just was not I was not all that I could be and the fact that I knew that there was potential there was what hurt the most right yeah the fact that I felt like I was built for more and yet I hadn't decided to answer the call of that uh and I had this I had this this may resonate with people that kind of come from a background where they don't have as many good Role Models around as they would like and and you know you don't feel like you fit in and and you struggle to find people that give you the values that you want uh I had for a good while a chip on my shoulder about not being given the tools that could have got me to the place that I wanted to go more quickly you mentioned yourself like I started late I think you said um you like a a delayed onset intellectual adolescence perhaps I'm a late bloomer in every category of Life man fantastic so I almost had a I had a resentment toward those people uh toward the fact that I wasn't given the tools sufficiently early on uh and even accepting that even being able to see that for what it is okay well look what did you want did you want a land Boton from the school of life or Jordan Peterson to be born early like what the did you want did you want YouTube to be invented more earlier than it was it wasn't right like you found this you found the things that you needed to find when you were ready to find them and when they were available to you and not a moment before right and yeah it's like um kind of like personal development uh wistfulness you know that oh if only I'd been given the tools more early on I could have avoided the this and the done the that and I wasn't I given them when I was giving them dude that's the thing too is I'll see so many great human beings that have a massive amount of potential and and think about this like there's the cure for cancer probably lives in someone's head right now I mean the potential for the cure for cancer exists the potential for many things for Life on Mars exists but there's someone who's basically in the shoes that Chris 1.0 was in which is they they know they they're meant for more like you said I felt this gnawing in my gut I knew I was meant for more I had a greater calling however I was living a subpar life and the Gap in between is self-sabotaging behavior the Gap in between is limiting beliefs the Gap in between is kind of hitting this glass feeling of success and then letting yourself slide back down because you don't believe you're worthy of Happiness success love whatever the thing is because you're in congruent and at some point we begin to then go well I'm this way because Mom and Dad they divorced I was beaten in my case I was molested as a child growing up uh then we came to America and gang bangers started to pick on me and beat me up and laugh me and call me Foreigner and we can find so many things to blame and if only like you said YouTube was created earlier and and if only I knew what a mentor was I could have gotten a mentor sooner okay great at some point you've got to turn the fingers on yourself and go now YouTube exists now I'm aware of what self-help is I know what books to read are you reading them now are you changing their narrative now or are you still blaming mom and dad and the school system and whatever happened to us as a kid because if you are you're living in the past and I don't know any anyone that's gotten any decent quality of life moving forward when they're constantly looking in the rearview mirror MH well what's the Salve to this you know it's all well and good for uh largely two people who have been through setfire and zero to one is the biggest step right yeah it is the most difficult one yeah um because you need momentum precisely yes uh you work with guys a lot I'm going to guess that most of the guys that you'll deal with at least are probably not at zero but many will be beginning on the journey and there'll be a little bit of momentum behind them yeah with the guys that you work with what are the things that are most common that they need to overcome in order to be able to retell that story and improve those beliefs internally I think the most common thing that we see in the guys that we work with at the project specifically and these are guys like you said they're not starting at zero they have some momentum they they might have a business that's doing a few hundred thousand a year or maybe a few million a year uh but they realize they're still meant for more and it doesn't matter what they're doing because we've got guys that were you know senators and guys that are like professional poker players who who are doing fantastically well financially but if finan if the finances were the only measuring stick then great they're successful hey go on Elon musk's the number one on the planet right y he'd be exactly but it's not the only measuring stick because these are the guys are also sabotaging their life one particular guy I can tell you that he he was making about 20 million a year and he's the second in command of chief operations officer for a company in I'll use a different city let's say oh I don't know Camaro Beach but he would drive from Los Angeles to Camaro Beach three times a week to work at the corporate office the rest of the time he'd work from home doing really well for himself however he would on his way home he would stop at one mistress's house and then another mistress's house and then at Commerce Casino to gamble and then he'd come home and it's because he felt he was Unworthy of earning that and he was just constantly self-sabotaging to destroy all that as we started to dig deeper it's typically some kind of event that took place that changed their trajectory on how they felt about themselves the event could have been they were drinking and driving crossed an intersection killed a family of four in the car they survived they have survivors guilt it could be that they were physically mentally emotionally sexually abused and they haven't reconciled with that so that soundtrack of Shame rage confusion is constantly playing in the background as you're trying to develop a career get into a marriage raise your children start a business partnership you're doing all that with this almost like this 55 kilogram kettle bell attached to you so if we're going to race and I'm like hey Chris before you race I'm just going to chain this kettle bell to your leg you're always going to have an unfair a disadvantage right and so if we can just go back and identify because as men we're really good at compartmentalizing and going everything's good everything's good yeah that happened to me but everything's good no it's not man it's like a corrupted hard drive your hard drive is corrupted and when you're pushing this button there's a delayed response or you push the button a but you get the letter S on the word doc and you're like what the is going on it's a corrupted system and so if we can go back and identify what happened that created these toxic cognitions these false beliefs and narratives about yourself solve through it now you can actually go and say this is actually not my story therefore that's not my identity this is my new identity I'm a badass husband I could be a badass father I could be a badass friend and then you'll start looking for evidence in that you'll start taking on the actions and deeds and habits and characteristics of a badass dude but you have to first address that and without addressing that in other words without apologizing you're never going to have you know if let's go back to that relationship that you had where you cheated on this on this on this woman if you went back and apologized to her it would be just as meaningful to her as it would be for you in terms of closure and healing then you would go you know what that's what a higher status man does that's what a dude who's connected to Consciousness does he owns what he hey I'm sorry for doing this I imagine it made you feel this way here's what I can do to make it right if that's okay with you like that's a proper apology whether she accepts it or not does doesn't matter you did the deed now you can move forward with Grace and so by not fixing the traumas that and no one it's rare like one out of every three people have been physically or mentally abused one out of every four have been sexually abused so if we just look at the number of dudes in this building like there's trauma all around us right so we got to do the work heal from it move on with the new identity you're someone who had some pretty ruthless trauma growing up as a kid that is used used many people feel like experiences that were outside of their control hold back their potential when they're moving forward what has your worldview been of this you know patient zero for having dealt with something bad and then come out the other side of it like what do you say to people that have had things bad happen in their past yeah well we we don't we don't realize that that bad thing when healed through or processed through could actually become a superpower right and so I'll give you an example I was molested by two older Boys in Armenia over and over again between the ages of four and six when I turned six years old my dad decided we're going to escape the Soviet Union he was a member of the Communist Party he decided we're going to escape um what he doesn't realize is by escaping and bringing us to the United States he saved me from almost daily molestation by these two older boys you think that that would have just continued I would imagine so until I got older and stood up up for myself right uh but I was you know between four and 6 years old these guys were like 12 13 14 years old and so I come to the United States I've never told anyone about this I grow up I get married I have kids all the way until 38 years old until I have this massive panic attack right which I thought was unrelated to that I never once I just thought hey that's behind me now I've left that I go work with the therapist and and I'm like hey man I had a panic attack they put me on Xanax I don't want to be on Xanax the doctor said I should do talk therapy I think talk therapy is for broken people I'm clearly not broken so me right right not me yeah not this one and he goes well I think I within four or five sessions I can help you give you some tools to cope with your anxiety I was like great and being a very type a high-speed tightly wound person I told him I said I don't want this to be an indefinite thing where I'm sitting on your couch like how long would it take he says 3 to four five session Max great so he teaches me a few things like you know action alleviates anxiety and anxiety being anticipation of future pain and halt when you're hungry angry lonely tired uh you're more likely to go back to your old ways like if you're an alcoholic and you're hungry lonely angry tired you're more likely to hit the bottle or whatever so just manage your Halt and understand that action alleviates anxiety and anxiety is really anticipation of future pain and get your sleep and don't try and burn the candle on both ends all common sense right and so you know four or five weeks ago by I'm like his name is Kevin I go Kevin I feel like a million bucks like I don't even have this there this this little undertone of anxiousness constantly nying at me after about two or three weeks with him gone right gone I'm sleeping like a champ so I'm shaking his hand writing signing with a credit card statement and I'm standing at his door um and he goes hey can I just ask you one question how's how's your relationship with your parents like do you want to talk talk about that maybe and I realized now maybe he was trying to obviously not lose a patient not lose a client right at the end of the day the man's running a business um at least that's my assumption I should call him and ask him I can't make that assumption Four Agreements right for agreement says don't go assuming things so I was like oh my parents like look dude I come from a communist country my dad was a little heavy-handed he slapped me around here and there but quite honestly that was nothing compared to what happened to me in Armenia I had never not even told my wife about what happened to me in Armenia but in these five sessions Kevin had built such rapport with me that I felt like I could throw that out there and he goes well what happened and I just start balling and I'm crying and I'm just like snots coming out my nose and he's asking me questions and I could just nod my head yes or no you know were you raped and I'm shaking my head no were you were you abused yes were you molested yes you know by a babysitter no and so finally we get I can blurred out by two older boys right and he goes man bados I'm so sorry sorry and I said Kevin don't be what happened to that little boy I've dealt with and he goes can you say what happened to me I've healed from and I went to a new level of crime bro I'm standing Chris I'm standing so it's a two-story building I'm standing at his door I've handed him the credit card slip and I'm thinking what's faster smashing my way through the glass and just Falling Towards my car or going down the staircase like that's all my brain is thinking I've gone fully human animal right I've gone limic just Escape I just want to leave this conversation right but I'm stuck also my body has seized and as I calm down and he hands me a napkin I drink some water he goes bados can I tell you something I said sure he said um you know by saying what happened to that little boy that's called disassociation I'd never even heard that term this is 10 11 years ago he goes that's the first step in developing a multiple personality disorder I'm like holy it's the last thing I need right so I the next 15 months on his couch every Monday so he did retain it patient but man we dug deep and what we found is I was living with shame rage confusion shame like I I was embarrassed that my friend Chris can't fig find out about this he's going to think I'm broken I'm I'm filthy I'm dirty like why would you let two older boys do that because at the end of the day I let them do that to me and Kevin helped me unpack that that you know young boys look up to their dads their older brothers the older boys in the community is the right of passage and these boys took advantage of that abused that right exactly right and then the confusion like am I gay am I gay so I went around banging millions of chicks in my 20s bro to to sub signal to yourself yes yeah and you know what Kevin said so so I was like Kevin like what the man so was I gay he goes well you know did you read any gay porn magazines or anything I'm like no he's like well clearly not did you go and seek out any gay sex I go no clearly not and I Iz like instead I went and just ran through hundreds of women just to signal to myself that I'm not right like that's how stupid I was but again when you're limic you're just looking for a solution and then the rage how come no one protected me in Armenia there's the babushkas the the grandmas in Russian babush me's grandma and Armenia was under Russian Soviet control and these grandmas are like the Mafia bro they like oversee all the children doesn't matter if it's their grandchild or not they would make me wash my hands and clean my face Etc yet they wouldn't save me from what happened there and I realized with Kevin's help they never saw that they would have torn those boys limb limb to limb had they seen what those boys were doing and so what really happened is on my timeline of life there's this giant Mountain that I didn't want anyone to see so it's like hey all right no one see what's going on here shame rage confusion unworthiness unlovable I even remember telling my wife one time I go you and Andrew and Khloe metaphorically are in this room then there's this hallway and I'm in the hallway and that's as close as I can get to you guys right and she started balling like that's so sad she goes I feel that like I feel like there's another layer I have to break through to get to you but I was constantly protecting myself from everybody and so 15 months of working with Kevin that Giant mountain on my timeline of life was just a little speed bump no different than the time I tore my bicep or the time I got into a car accident that's what we need to do to be able to break those glass ceilings and be able to actually become the version of ourselves that we're called to be what was the time that you told your wife about you you know you've bowled in front of Kevin yeah but how long did it take after speaking to him before you were able to open up to your wife about it probably about four or five months in Kevin had me write a letter to my younger self okay and he gave me the first sentence of that letter which was uh dear bados um between the ages of four and six you were molested by two older boys but today dot dot dot as in today you're this guy and that guy and you've done this and right like in other words let's go find evidence that you're not broken unworthy shameful confused angry and so I wrote an 11-page letter Kevin and I brokee that down sentence by sentence and I just felt like dude I could I can go to my wife and talk about this and so I did and it was very matter of fact and you know she was emotional about it right as you can imagine cuz here I was going through it with Kevin for months and now I'm springing this on her several years into our marriage so she was emotional about it but she also understood she hugged me she goes I love you nothing changes and I was like in my head I'm like really like you don't think I'm gross right like that still that voice still exists months later Joe polish asks me to speak at his genius Network event and the guy speaking before me was Tony Robbins and he's up on stage talking about you know as humans we're supposed to be built for the winter and not for the summer and be prepared Winter's coming and his like his his closing line he's you know smacking his big giant Mitten hands together and pumping everybody up and I'm nervous as getting miked up in the back like how do you follow this guy I supposed to talk about leadership cuz you know Fit Body Boot Camp had grown pretty big big International franchise and I'm the leader of it but I realized Joe poish told me there's 350 attendees at this event and all of them are just multi- multi-millionaires and they don't necessarily have to be great leaders you can just hire a great leader at that point right all this to say that I get up on stage I'm like Kevin or uh Joe I know I'm supposed to talk about leadership and how I built fit by boot camp through great leadership but really want to talk about something else I want to talk about how I was molested as a kid between the ages of four and six and how that limited my growth not only in business but in relationship in my friendships Etc and I could see grown men squirming in their seats looking towards the exit and dude that conversation that I had with that audience if you had asked me a couple years earlier would you ever stand in front of an audience and talk about how you were molested and how it how it showed up and what it did to you and then how you healed from it so I think this is what I going back to what I was saying it was my greatest superpower because now I can stand in front of thousands of people and share this message on this podcast from a stage on my show and grown ass man will be like dude you went through that too I did as well and I'm telling you like dudes with blue check marks with millions of followings they they'll see me backstage in a green room and hug me and we'll start crying I think I was supposed that it sounds morbid but that was supposed to have happened to me and I was supposed to have healed and it was supposed to have become my superpower to have compassion and empathy for men and which is why today I work with so many men in healing them in so many ways and just actually give showing them the path to heal I don't heal anyone you heal yourself you have everything you need to heal yourself does that make sense yeah dude it's very interesting to think about how the things that we're most proud of in ourselves are the light side of something dark that we are often ashamed of or resentful about or bitter uh I often talk about how I was pretty unpopular as a kid only child a lot of time in solitude but the light side of that is that I never needed anybody's permission to go and do anything right right because I never had anybody's permission before I'm happily able to go and outw work on my own drop me on a desert island I'll find a laptop and start working on it you know like there will be it's a it's a superpower and and being able to move to another country you know my the joy that I get from from traveling the that I get from connecting with other people we talked earlier on about like obsessive observing which is another skill that I developed because I didn't understand why other kids had friends and I didn't so I observed obsessively about the way they tied their tie or the way that they walked or the type of shoes that they had or the shoulder that They Carried their bag on and that was the reason that they had friends and I didn't but Downstream from that is something that I really value myself the point that I feel or the thing that really kind of want people to take away is that it is unfortunately a a double-edged sword and if you do not do some work to ameliorate those things and to work out how the skills that you've developed or your response to the things that you don't like in yourself can be used to make the texture of your own existence better if you don't go and do that you will continue to be ruled by things that you hate agreed and the like how close you can come to having that happen is terrifying yeah yeah yeah it's really really scary like I see I can see the other path or many other paths right you know there's many many many ways there's many many sets of SL slippery slides down into some circle of hell and there's only a couple of set of stairs up yeah and uh yeah I you know I wish I wish I could give people the hope that they can that they can do that that they can make that happen well see but but that's what we're doing here it's it's those who leave make excuses that well you know it seems like you were had this obsessive observing ability that I don't or you guys have this ability to focus and have Singularity of focus on a task and I don't well I didn't I when we came to America by by second grade the Anheim Union High School District or Anheim Union School District uh decided to do I don't know studies on all the Immigrant kids in that particular School Walt Disney Elementary and they figured out that I'm OCD and add right and this is before the uh perhaps over yeah pathological iation of exactly this was we're talking 84 885 1984 1985 and so they put me on riddle in different doses trying to figure out what's going to work and I remember just slumping over or just being hyper uh but because of that they put me in these classes for special education right special ed classes and so effectively I was in classes with what they called retards back then right and so that became part of my identity that obviously I'm slow obviously I'm I'm not capable um when in reality that too was a superpower my ability to obsess about something that interests me is a superpower and so the people who might be like well you got I don't have this and I don't have that it's like but what you do have if you heal through it and weapon it and that's what we need to do I weaponized add I weaponized OCD I weaponized being molested I weaponized being called a foreigner and immigrant getting a chip on my shoulder so big that I was like no one ever will put my family in a financially destitute place man ever ever and so to me making an obscene amount of money was like this Mission and that led to then developing you know as a human even more I think I had to solve through that first because money was a big actor as an immigrant in this country when you're living in Section 8 housing but you can weaponize anything that's happened to you so they don't have to have the gift that you have or I have you just have to understand that what's happened to you if you can heal through it solve through it process through it there's a massive superpower on the other side it's the work that majority are not willing to do but wanting the outcome that we have and that's again once again the Gap and it's the Gap that makes them feel a certain way about life they hate life and they they think they're at a disadvantage and they're anxious about it so then they begin to escape and soothe with drugs and alcohol infidelity pornography gambling whatever the source is and I don't care I can check off every box I can check off every one of those boxes but if you do the work and you close that Gap and time collapse you will have that superpower and you can start living the life you're meant to live well get back to talking to bed Ross in one minute but first I need to tell you about surf Shar if you want to protect your browsing online and get access to the entire world's Netflix library for less than the price of a cup of coffee per month you should be using surf shark VPN you can browse the internet without the VPN but it's kind of like trying to run a marathon in Crocs you can do it but it's going to be dangerous and uncomfortable if you use public Wi-Fi networks like a library or a cafeteria or an airport the internet admin of that Network can see all of the traffic going back and forth between your computer and the internet and that is trees bad all of this is fixed by using surf shark it takes two clicks of a button it is available across Unlimited devices your laptop your phone your iPad even your smart TV while I'm over here in America maybe I want to access some British Netflix just turn on surf shark VPN and I immediately get access to all of that you can get an 83% discount plus 3 months free and a 30-day money back guarantee by going to the link in the description below or heading to Surf shark. deod wisdom that's surfshark dodeals modern wisdom I've heard you say if you're going to eat get good at it yeah what do you mean when you say that well look now life is not going to be butterflies and flowers and rose gardens all the time in building a massive brand like fitbody boot camp I had to eat a lot of with the Federal Trade Commission you know I started Fit Body Boot Camp and I wanted to uh make sure that all of my lenses at the time had a protected territory because you know CrossFit for example you can open up a CrossFit across the street from another CrossFit and they just have to compete so my whole thing was if I have this licensing program I can give them a 5 m protected territory they're going to be cool with each other right little did I know that by doing that one thing I crossed the line into franchising the great state of California decided they're going to find me $2,500 times 115 locations that I had and I said if you guys did that I'm going to have to go bankrupt and those $5 locations are going to have to fend for themselves right they've opened up location they' bought equipment they're running their business work coaching them in making this thing successful so I've had to eat a lot of I was having to I was having to negotiate with the state of California all while trying to also find ways to refinance my house and get another credit card so that if I had to pay that money 115 locations times $2,500 I would thankfully the state of California was kind enough to say don't pay us the money however don't sell another location until you become a franchise so again more eating it cost me $887,000 to become a franchise you got to get a fa franchise agreement FDD there's 13 states that require different fdds franchise disclosure documents then you're overseen by the Federal Trade Commission you go through three audits a year you have to have your uh uh operations manual made in a very specific way it doesn't matter if you're a Subway sandwiches Jiffy Lube or a Fit Body Boot Camp this is how it is and the disclosures have to be very specific this is all new to me bro I'm like barely getting by back in 201 10 but all of a sudden by 2012 I have to become a franchise I got good at eating very effectively and efficiently because if I'm going to eat it slow it's just going to prolong the pain so if I'm going to go into franchising or if I have to negotiate with with the state of California if I have to do anything the pandemic for example we lost 218 locations fit by the boot camp locations from March 16th to December 31st of 2020 so I decided all right well if we're going to eat we're going to eat it really fast and get really good at it so let's just make a full pivot into online coaching like take all your personal training clients boot camp clients put them in on Facebook groups we're going to use trainer eyes we're going to follow along workouts the problem is most people they will sit on this in this dissatisfaction and stay there and stew in it and root in it my whole thing is dude you're you're giving sandwiches eat them as quickly as you can and move on like you have to move on my friend Jason Redmond he's a uh retired Navy SEAL was shot up all over his face Purple Heart recipient uh he says you know he was on a mission and they found themselves on the X right like you he's the Predator him and his team and they're going to kill the bad guys who are bomb makers this is in Iraq in 2007 and next thing you know they get ambushed and he gets shot up seven shots across the body one hits him through the cheekbone blows out his orbital plate um his eyeballs is hanging his nose is gone um shoots him in the arm arm uh he almost had to get his arm amput amputated he found himself on the X that night him and his team so now at this point should they just sit there and call for an air strike and wait or do they just do what they can and shoot back and attack and attack and attack and so what he says in his book is that they had to just fullon attack these guys while calling in an air strike that was danger close to Jason Redmond he caught shrapnel but the bad guys were dead helicopter came in saved his ass but the bottom line is like you most humans will find themselves on an ex of Ambush life will Ambush you and they sit in it they root in it they take forever to Stew in it instead eat it quickly and move on does that make sense yeah I what uh what it meant to me if you're going to eat get good at it was in order to achieve anything that you care about there is going to be an Associated amount of that you need to eat if if you want to take on the burden of trying to achieve something in life which is Meaningful to you accept that the eating is not a bug it is a feature fact it is a part and parcel of existing and trying to locally reverse entropy right I'm locally reversing it it is trying to act on me you're a finite creature with an infinite complexity around you of course you're going to be scared there are literally an unlimited number of ways that you can die and a very very small number that you can live through right like that's just on a macro level but when it comes to achieving a life where the outcome is the one that you wanted like that's one outcome and yeah there's a few different Roots there but like it's a you know the entirety of different I could walk outside now put like put my head on the TAC and get hit by a truck or I could put my head slightly to the left of it like all of these different iterations right the Multiverse of ways that Chris's demise could occur to her and yet you believe you hope that you can manage to Wrangle reality Your Existence into some sort of usable functional useful nice enjoyable form there is going to be an Associated amount of pain and eating that goes along with it and I do believe that's a function of our creator right whether you believe in Universal Consciousness you believe a God you believe that whatever I believe we have to go through a series of tests to see if we are qualified to the for the next level of Happiness Bliss Joy success abundance whatever and so the sandwiches will be laid out along your journey there is no way to circumvent that the Creator does want to test you and I believe proof of that is what do they say 82% of lottery winners are back to being broke within two and a half years well that's because they didn't eat the sandwiches they didn't deal with the adversity the pain the setbacks and so they don't know how to value that wealth and therefore they lose it a fool in his money will quickly be parted and I'm not even Christian it's just that Jesus wrote something that really made sense and so if we know that we have to eat those sandwiches one get really good at it and two understand that it's part of the process so that you can achieve the outcome that's desired 80% of the time you'll feel like you're failing 15% of the time you'll feel like you're treading water 4% of the time you'll feel like it's over 1% of the time you'll feel like you're winning why yeah this is this is not scientific by the way this is something that I would just share with my wife Journal Bro Science yeah exactly this is just Bro Science but based off 20 years as an entrepreneur that's about how I felt 80% of the time I felt like I was just behind I was constantly behind you know and and but that 1% of the time I felt like I was winning and then after a few years about five or six years into my career as an entrepreneur I realized the secret is just to find as many of these 1% and keep keep stacking them y cuz I could dwell on the 80% of the time where I feel behind or the or the freaking whatever it was 5 10% that I feel like you know everything's falling apart around me like the 4% that everything's falling apart around me or I could just focus on these 1centers and realize that okay that's a win let's move on to the next battle the next battle the next battle before you know it you've won the war you know Inc 500 uh recognition entrepreneur magazines top 200 franchises those recognitions will come if you stack to 1centers you don't need 100% wins and I think it's probably impossible to have 100% wins all the time uh but as as any kind of high performer and I believe this this is probably true for professional sports uh for people who are actors and celebrities they they feel like they're just behind they're not doing it they're someone else got the part and then boom they land a part that gets them the Oscar that's a 1center stack more of those and that's what for me I put this in a newsletter the other week so I want to teach you about it I think it's kind of related to what we're talking about here I've been thinking about how to achieve a realistic path to Enlightenment as much as moving to a cave in the woods and spending a decade in silent Retreat might be great for your spirit it's not going to be doable by pretty much anyone if you've meditated enough you know that you accumulate momentum in mindfulness kind of like a swell moving under water after enough time there is a force and a power to your ability to drop into the present moment and sometimes even even little waves of genuine calm Insight break above the surface but if you're anything like me it doesn't result in an extended self-perpetuating Enlightenment doesn't even really work on its own where your mindfulness sneaks up on you and you're in the present moment without realizing it more so consistent meditation and a focus on mindfulness strengthens the thinking muscle that you use to Wrangle your mind to actually exist in the now you learn to punctuate your day with instances where your mind finally settles into the moment and then it's gone but then you can get it back later in the day and as far as I can tell this is the realistic path to Enlightenment you are never going to become a fully Bliss Out In Perpetual non-dual astral realm synchronicity bro but you can string together a few moments of Peace So that at least for a few times each day your mind rests where your feet are I always used to think that this was a failure if I can achieve mindfulness but then lose it that's still not persistent Enlightenment so I failed instead I think it's smart to reframe the goal if you can just have your mind and your feet in the same location five or 10 or 20 times a day that's a good start and then maybe you can do it 25 or 30 times that seems both attainable and really useful and that seems to be what you were doing there right I understand that self-doubt and uncertainty and fear of the future is just going to riddle my experience as I try and do something that's difficult that was in the business world but it could be personal development it could be in trying to reshape the dynamic of your family or whatever it is that you're trying to do and presuming that you're going to be able to do this and it's just like an ambient peace equanimous beautiful like membrane that you get to skate along that's not going to happen but what you can do is try and string together a series of these winds yeah here is a landmark that I have gotten to and importantly string together a series of wins that you don't immediately look over the shoulder of as soon as it's happened oh ink 500 fantastic but what's next it's like no no no no no like allow yourself to celebrate yeah I think uh hardwiring Happiness by Rick Hansen's a really great book that it came out just a little bit before the podcast Revolution which is a shame because I think it would have really changed a lot of people he came on the show to talk about a second book five years ago what he basically says is that when good things happen you should allow yourself to marinade in them as much as possible even if it's just a small thing and this is such an unbelievable tactic like having a 10-minute walk after after having food something good happens your first response should not be to kind of accept it for what it is you know people that hold themselves to high standards I do this too there's almost a part of me that doesn't want to bathe in things that go well because they should be a given because I'm a high performer that Demands a lot of myself get you know what I mean I do yeah I do but this isn't the way that the the brain we spoke about the reticular AC activating system earlier on you want to permanently be on the lookout for as many reasons to feel good about yourself as possible because Lord knows there's enough reasons to feel like about yourself right and everybody has that yeah so what I try to do and I fail a lot and I need to work harder at this specific skill maybe do a Sprint for sort of three months where I really really really focus on it I finish a podcast I finish a podcast like three or four times a week like I have the opportunity to set myself a little reminder maybe I need a Post-It note to set myself a little reminded that when I finish for just you know 15 or 30 seconds after I do that or after you complete the tasks that you said for the day or finish your gym routine or or uh do your meditation or have a great conversation with your partner or have a bad conversation with someone that you didn't want to but you did because you needed to be truthful and be virtuous to yourself when you do that just allow it to sit for 30 seconds and just marinade in the sensation of that yeah okay how does it feel for me to have done something that I feel proud and satisfied about myself for doing and Rick neurons that fire together why together you will continue to find reasons to feel good about yourself yeah and uh as a strategy you know that that's it that's the concept of hardwiring Happiness there in the book like highly recommend you go and read it but if you don't want to there's there's the concept what what you're describing there especially for high performers right PE people that are highe speed tightly wound and have high expectations of themselves we are wired to get to get satisfaction to get selfworth through production production which in many ways I'm jealous of regular people who can just watch TV and you know not feel lazy and sluggish dude I could watch TV like a show with my son like I we I we watched Pulp Fiction the other day and I complet I probably stack like 15 20 that day but after watching Pulp Fiction it's somewhat of a long movie I was like man this was not productive like I have conditioned myself or maybe better said this way I've been wired through a series of abuse and Trauma and neglect to feel that I am only a worthy human when I am producing and if I am producing I worthy and so when I'm relaxing if I'm sick if I'm watching TV I'm not guil and therefore we have guilt and therefore we don't allow ourselves to enjoy for even 15 seconds that win because I must go on and produce again because that's the only way I'm a worthy human it it doesn't work that way though like I've I am I am absolutely patient zero for what you are talking about I attached my sense of selfworth for a decade and a half to the success of the events I ran nightlife uh business for a very long time uh I came up with uh something that I think is kind of related to this I need a fourth Horseman I'm doing it for a a project I'm working on at the moment uh I've got three horses of the productivity apocalypse so far I'm going to find a fourth one or I'm just going to have to retrofit three horses of the productivity apocalypse so um productivity Purgatory is the first one and this is really interesting so if you attach a lot of your sense of self-worth to being productive what you can end up doing is even having rejuvenative relaxation protocols only existing because you believe that they will facilitate your itivity tomorrow so you don't go for a walk with your partner in nature because you want to enjoy their time it's because you listen to an Andrew hubman episode that said 15 minutes of walking down regulates your amigdala so that your focus response and dopaminergic seesaa is better tomorrow right it allows you to never Escape productivity which is productivity Purgatory the dark playground is the second one this is an idea from Tim Urban and this is almost kind of the opposite so the dark playground is when you are trying to be productive you should be being productive but you're choosing to do something which is unproductive so you're uh procrastinating off from productivity to watch YouTube or or read a book or scroll Tik Tok or whatever you don't get the enjoyment of the entertainment because you've got the guilt of not being productive and obviously you don't get the outcome of the productivity because you're not being productive so that's a dark playground and then not being able to enjoy fun because you feel like you should be working is the third one and I haven't come up with a meme for that yet you've caught me partway through it's like I've only got my pants on I haven't fully dressed um but yeah not being able to enjoy fun because you feel like you should be working which is the one that you just identified there and look being a sort of a a type A Hard charging person comes with its benefits but again as we talked about before you know like the true third wve renaissance man is the guy who is also able to go to the SE shells for a week with his partner not work switch off his phone and know that all of the like what was the reason for working this hard if you cannot let it go Bingo that is a really difficult question for lots of people to answer and ultimately what it comes down to is it is a cope to bolster their sense of worthiness to the world I am only worthy when I train for this hard every single morning do the achieve this much earn this much money answer this many emails only get this much sleep that's difficult when people see their restriction of things that are good for them are enjoyable as a badge of honor somehow and uh yeah I think that we should all be very very cautious of taking what is absolutely a performance enhancer you know your ability to or your your discomfort around relaxation drives you to do more things but in no one's world is that optimal yeah right that's not what you want like what's the reason for working this hard if you are unable to en enjoy the fruits of your labor you know so interestingly enough what ended up helping me and again remember my the work I did with Kevin Downing my therapist was 10 and a half 11 years ago and then as I started spending so healing helped me because I realized my selfworth is not directly attached to production right so always goes back to Healing healing cuz again you're given trauma either accidentally because you know they family gives you a nickname that you attach some kind of weird meaning to and that you carry that for decades into your future or true trauma happened like you were raped molested abused whatever um however the trauma shows up healing is necessary otherwise her selfworth is going to be attached to something either either attached to you being attached to someone or um you always being the Martyr or production in my case our case especially when you're heart charger but as I healed I realized myself forth is not attached to that one bit and so I can catch the conversation in my head cuz literally as Andrew and I were watching Pulp Fiction and I'm like man this movie's going along pretty long here um I don't feel that productive I'm like dude I'm having the greatest time with my son right now immediately I can catch that negative thought that still because here's the deal I think you've been around long enough to know when you know Microsoft it would have a like your Microsoft uh based computer would have a virus sometimes it wouldn't be able to necessarily fix or get rid of the virus it would quarantine the virus remember that quartin the virus on your hard drive so the virus I think gets quarantined in US it doesn't go away it's quarantined MH and so while I know my self worth now is not attached to production it will still rear its ugly head during like that that's the realistic path to Enlightenment again right self-awareness yeah it's it's look your day is going to be punctuated with Reflections that upon reflection you're going to wish you didn't have yeah it's not the job of you to seamlessly perfectly thread the needle through this mindfield of potential thought failures your job is to be able to notice them when they arise like the perfect meditation session is not the one where your mind never gets distracted it's when you notice when it does MHM exactly and this is the same you sit down and you notice this little habit arise you know like taipe bed Ross just ambiently appears hey hey you could be working hey there's emails to answer hey you could be doing you could be being more productive okay I see I see that I see that and that maybe even some truth to it and we release and allow that to go right like that's and that is the beauty of transcending from Human Animal to human being connecting with Consciousness because you become the observer in your life right and you know this and when you become the Observer you can now see things almost from a outside eyes and I could see from outside side eyes like oh okay that person said something it rubbed me the wrong way I'm feeling a certain way human animal wants to react human being is going to take a moment and go did he really mean it that way or is this just triggering something old in me that's been quarantined yeah and and when we can have outside eyes and become the observer in our own life versus reacting to everything as though it's factual we begin to get the utmost amount of control like true control of our life of our status of our well-being of our health of our relationships and I I think you're either going to have some false sense of control as we talked about in the beginning where you know you string some weird things together just to meet a narrative that you've built in your mind to give you some sense of false control or you can have true control by being The Observer and realizing hey I'm looking to react I didn't sleep well last night and the guy said something that Tri triggered something in my head for many years ago and so I'm not going to respond to this guy right now um being The Observer is necessary and to become the Observer you have to transcend healing Transcendence that is the ultimate purpose self-mastery that we have to achieve in life and I think most are too distracted by social media and all content overload to even pause to begin to listen to the conversation in their head to see where it's going we'll get back to talking to bed Russ in one minute but first I need to tell you about mudwater mudwater is a coffee alternative that tastes like cacao and chai had a beautiful baby together it's got four functional mushrooms with only a fraction of the caffeine as a cup of coffee that gives you all of the energy without the Jitters or crash each ingredient was added for a specific purpose cacao and chai for a hint of caffeine and chocolate likee flavor Lions man for Focus ceps to promote Natural Energy and both chaga and Rishi to help support a healthy immune system plus it's Whole 30 approved 100% USDA organic non-mo vegan and kosher certified lots of people still want to enjoy a beautiful hot beverage on a morning and it is getting into WI time so if you want to have a hot drink without the Jitters and crash of coffee this is where to start right now you can get a $20 discount plus a free sample of Crea and a free froth by following the link in the description below or going to mudw tr.com Modern wisdom that's mud wt.com slod wisdom yeah I I have a lot of faith in uh people's ability for personal growth uh especially this the the people that are listening to this are already outliers right they've enough time to listen to me and you waffle on about the nuances of of like mindfulness for 2 hours so they're already outliers but I have a lot of faith that most people realize that there's something up here I I'm built for more I'm built for more and I I I could become more and I really really want the tools to be able to do it and the satisfaction that I get I would actually go as far as to say that the satisfaction of noticing when I nearly go ay and then bring myself back in is about on par with reflecting and realizing that I never went to R in the first place because both of those things have been arrived at by conscious effort right um being able to sit down and do a podcast and at no point have even had a sense of time because I've just been dialed on the person that I'm sat opposite is perfect but being distracted during and realizing oh we've got to make sure that the flight's for that thing and then going nope and coming back in is also a win right it's impossible to lose the only time that you lose is when you allow that thing to continue to take you away even if it does and then you bring yourself back in in its strategic lesson it's the John kavar thing right you either win or you learn right exactly you've got a quote that I absolutely adore your haters are out there holding their breath waiting for you to fail make sure they suffocate MH yeah one thing that I'm cautious of with that and it's a don't get me wrong it is a very uh useful frame right use what you have including your resentment over the people that don't like you and want to see you fail one thing that I'm slightly cautious of with that is creating external uh enemies that you give too much power to that you then begin not being a sovereign agent you then start to play games that other people want you to play I spoke about this to uh hosi a few months ago and it was the first time I'd really been able to put it into words I'll try and explain it to you and see if it relates to this so sometimes in my more juvenile bitter resentful moments I try or I imagine I fantasize about beating people at their game because I know that it's a game that I could win at too let's say that there's someone who I who has a particular dislike for me or has some sort of disdain uh and I know that they really care about money and I think well you know I could dedicate the next 12 months to like earning more than 10 times your net worth and I know that that would make them feel bad and first off it's a stupid thing to do to let somebody else determine your game but what Alex taught me was even if you win you still lose because they got you to change your game your game changed and they didn't even know that you were playing yeah and I think that that's I there needs to be a name for what that is it's like goal hijack right where you do something to try and prove a point to somebody that didn't even know that you were doing it because of them you consider it a kind of win because you did win but you hijacked your own goal to prove to somebody else that you can do it better than them so even if you beat them they still beat you yeah yeah but the message behind that quote of you know your haters are holding their breath waiting for you to lose make sure they suffocate is is this not to change your game because it takes a high level of self-mastery to stay on path those that are influenced by their haters by their naysayers and then therefore change their game you're absolutely right you end up winning a game that you were never intending to play in the first place which is absolutely idiotic however if you realize that that hey the going got tough today I may want to throw in the towel wait a minute there's probably people sitting out there waiting for me to throw in the towel I'm going to win my game for them today not for me yeah but for them yeah right use what you have use what you have and and I believe again God the creator of the universe has given us different emotions of of Anger of Love of abundance of hate um jealousy those are all tools on our tool belt to be used appropr rately now I can be absolutely jealous and go kill someone and end up in prison I could be jealous let's say my wife leaves me and is with someone else and I'm so jealous that I go kill them I'm going to prison or I'm so jealous that I end up becoming the even better version of myself I still weaponized jealousy yeah but at my game I think that that is we could call it the Alchemy of emotions yes right that you get to take something which is toxic and turn it into something which is valuable yeah and that's again this is a realistic path to Enlightenment it's not to never fear to never feel jealousy or Envy or distaste or bitterness or resentment or hatred or insufficiency it's to use those things to better yourself and the world around you and the people that you care about right yeah that is use what you have yeah which is massive man most people don't most people in fact most people feel that they are using everything they have to their advantage and the life still isn't working out in their favor when in reality I would say they're probably using 20% of the things that are within their control and then they're trying to influence the things that are outside of their control and they're getting upset and frustrated they can't control Biden or the Border or the economy or inflation but what are all the things that you can control can you control what you're about to eat next when you're going to sleep what your what text messages you're going to respond to what social media channels you're going to look at that are going to give you the sense of feeling like you're missing out on life there's so many elements to control yet they feel like well I'm controlling all I can you're not even scratching the surface let me give you this quote from Adam Lane Smith a friend ex psychotherapist now a relationship coach a person obsessing over politics is a good indicator that their personal relationships are a mess unless they're financially invested in the political sphere they're probably compensating for feeling powerless in their life o so well put beautiful beautiful we were talking about the internal external locus of control mentioned to you before we started William costell one of my friends is one of the leading incel researchers on the planet he is a researcher of incels not an incel who is a researcher I need to get that out there um but he sent me something from uh a new article that he's working on at the moment the tendency for interpersonal victimhood the ti is from a 2020 study it describes an ongoing feeling that the self is a victim a feeling that becomes Central to one's identity those with the Perpetual victimhood mindset tend to have an external locus of control and believe that one's life is entirely under the control of forces outside of oneself the ti the tendency for interpersonal victimhood is composed of four dimensions a need for recognition the preoccupation with having the legitimacy of grievances acknowledged moral elitism the belief that the individual or their ingroup behaves more morally than others a lack of empathy and the belief that because of their victimization an individual cares less about the pain of others and rumination the preoccupation with reflecting on the past in past instances of victimization the incel asphere I the online space occupied by incels can be characterized as fatalistic misogynistic Echo Chambers in which misery and failure are celebrated emblematic of all four dimensions of the ti this suggests that most incels take an external locus of control to the extreme in perceptions of themselves and interex relations many incels subscribe to a philosophy or worldview known as the black pill a derivative of the red pill denoting a willingness to see the world as it really is as blows to the Blissful ignorance of taking the blue pill my point here is those constituent parts are present in absolutely everybody and I have an awful lot of of of Sympathy for the guys who feel like the world is sort of leaving them behind uh who feel like they were built for a different era uh and I see in myself all of those need for recognition uh lack of empathy the rumin maybe not the lack of empathy actually I've always had that but the rumination the preoccupation with reflecting on past instances of victimization all of that is is very what was number two I think number two was uh recognition four dimensions need for recognition the preoccupation with having the legitimacy of grievances acknowledged moral elitism the belief that the individual or the ingroup behaves more morally than others to have you know whatever grievances knowledge like what if you don't what what if someone doesn't come back and say you know what I wrong you so what so what like like some of those are it would be great if someone came to me and said bados you know I I Did You Wrong many years ago and I apologize for that like I would want to hear that yeah but because I don't and therefore stay in this victimhood like it it is it is it breaks my heart because I'm sure these are good dudes with the best of intentions and they feel they're meant for another era but in reality this is the era that again goes back to internal versus external locus of control well this is the era you're in so if you can take control of the era you're in can you then begin to build yourself into the man who is high value in this era I'm sure there's things they can do plenty of them start working out start listening to podcasts that you actually value and get get value from create change your circle of influence if you're in an echo chamber where everybody feels the same way yeah and is just compounding your negative feeling of yourself maybe you ought to consider walking away from that well the crazy thing about and this is the darker side of the in stellosphere black pill sort of movement is that the the number one thing that you cannot do as a member of that Community is what's called Ascend given that what we were talking about at the very beginning of this conversation it could not be more of the antithesis I think of the worldview that me and you like um so in these communi it's not just if you were to say that you got a girl's phone number today that would be absolutely like insane and unbelievable and would absolutely get you kicked out of the group if you were to say the Barista at Starbucks's eyes lingered on you for longer than you thought was normal today that maybe there's a glimmer of hope and the reason that ascending or even the inclination of Ascension is so disparaged in the black pill community at least Le in the incel community black pill slightly different in the incel community the reason it's so disparaged is that I think it gives hope right oh well maybe this isn't completely just fatalistically determined and at the mercy of the universe because if this person was able to enact some change or have a good thing happen to them maybe that can happen to me and as soon as you posit hope you then posit the potential for disappointment right yeah it's sour grapes at an existential level yeah that's what you want and and also hope also once you have hope you are forced then to take action next yeah and let's take it the reality is in action sitting there playing their video games Cheeto dust on their belly buttons and their mom's basement is far more convenient and requires less effort and less momentum and less inertia than actually feeling hope and therefore taking action cuz if that guy actually let's let's use that guy he went to Starbucks the Barista actually smiled and gave him a wing and then on the uh on the hot cup of chai latte her there was her phone number and he shared this in the group now he's got hope whether he shares it or not now he has to take action he's going to have to call her if he calls her now she says yes let's go out he's going to have to comb his hair brush his teeth my God he might actually have to bathe like look at the series of actions and if she actually likes him he may decide I got to work out to keep her there's a series of actions that these guys don't want to take again I believe the incel community is the most toxic damaging community and it's a bucket of crabs you know how bucket of crabs operate right and let's let's share it for your audience like if there's a 5 gallon bucket of crabs there's no lid required for that bucket of crabs because when the ambitious crab begins to climb on top of the rest and you know starts lifting itself up by grabbing the rim of that bucket instinctively those crabs at the bottom will grab their legs and pull them down and so the fisherman never has to put a lid on the bucket of crabs that are alive because he knows that they will police each other pull them down that is the incel community and so they they absolutely look down upon hope because hope leads to action and action means that you might free yourself from here and that also does something else holy that holds a mirror up to me and says I might have to actually take some action and well that's inconvenient I'd rather jack off to Pornhub or or only fans and keep playing my video games versus actually put some sunlight on my body and get rid of my gelatinous body and do something like decent like string a pair of words together that make a cohesive sentence well it's more comfortable to get fatalistic and call it pragmatism right like the cope is framing hope as naivity right and and there is I see this I see this in it kind of appears almost in in other ways as well you know look at the look at the sort of intellectual heterodox Community there is something alluring and kind of sexy and aloof about having a a contrarian point of view right or being a cynic in some ways and you go well are you sophisticated like is that have you arrived at this world view through being sophisticated or is this just the exact inverse of whatever the mainstream believes right being a black sheep is still being a sheep MH you're no smarter by just doing the exact opposite of whatever the mainstream tells you corre it's no more sophisticated of view it is precisely as unsophisticated just in Reverse in reverse and this is no different than what we talked about earlier when we when when we said that the uh these guys in the incel community are probably lacking purpose any sense of purpose fulfillment significance let's be honest and significance is one of the core fundamental needs of any human like you want to feel like you you you matter and so you know what if I can hang out in this Echo chamber on this you know Reddit board or comment section of this YouTube channel and this could be my purpose I could be the guy just constantly beating the drum and be part of this community it is a community and we want to belong to a community yeah it's unfortunately a community that's toxic it's negative and it's so it's so damaging and when those that have any sense of hope as you said get stifled so quickly well it's disincentivized it's actively disincentivized right to do a thing that would pull you out of it and dude I see it I see you know if you get behaviorally Behavior genetics redpilled um you know you realize that an awful lot of the outcomes that you have your potential in life is very very heavily uh predisposed by the genetic sort of raw material that you were given and then on top of that you know random chance and the environment and the events that you encounter in life also have that there are just layers and layers and layers of things that are outside of your control and it I completely understand why people can become transfixed by that yeah yeah it it it breaks my heart but it does not absolve them from what they need to hear which is they are still losers and they are actively living as part of the unwashed masses and they will continue to stay peasants and will soon as they get older come to the realization that a decade has gone by and valuable time has been wasted and they need to hear this as much as my heart bleeds for them and I wish I could just parachute into the incel annual World Conference convention and Shake Everyone by the shoulder and just say let's go like that's what I would do if I could but I can't so they need to hear the message that a decade's going to go by and they're going to see things and feel things differently and realize that time was absolutely wasted and you will never get it back you say the emotionally immature man seeks out motivation to do something hard one time the emotionally mature man uses discipline to do something hard a thousand times why is emotional maturity related to motivation and discipline good question because when you have emotional maturity you realize that some days you're not going to sleep well some days you're going to wake up and you've got your schedule and everything's planned out and the poop hits the fan you got to eat those sandwiches right and whether things go well or not that day the emotionally mature man will still do what he has to do to stack his winds to focus on his purpose whereas the emotionally immature man will say well I didn't sleep well I had nightmares so I'll stay in bed I didn't sleep well or uh it's raining outside it's cold outside I don't feel good the I just woke up and the airplanes hit the World Trade Center so I guess I have to change my pattern of life you have to stay the course no matter what and it takes a high level of emotional maturity because your emotions dictate your motion like what you're going to do and so if you have emotional maturity you're more likely to lean into discipline when things are suboptimal if you lack emotional maturity then how you feel determines what you do next which is very damaging to outcome driven humans yeah I felt this in myself uh the I sort of talked about the thinness of the line that you walk between seeing just how close you came to not doing a thing but it's not the life Direction and where your world could have ended up it's literally every single interaction that you do all of the time so I had a I'm doing these live shows at the moment or I will do a full live tour around uh Ireland UK then Dubai then the US and Canada toward the back end of this year and I decided that I was going to do work in progress shows like how comedians do them because I wanted to kind of move through the material and see how it gets responded to on stage and then maybe make some adjustments to how I was presenting it and also become comfortable right like you've spoken in front of big groups terrifying so I uh I I wanted to I wanted to spend some time on stage and um the way that I was feeling in the week leading up to these work in progress shows was by the way this is delicious bro you happy with that that is I'm not kidding this is amazingly we we worked unbelievably hard on that thank you yeah six months of taste testing to get that puppy right hell yeah so we are I I was feeling pretty shitty and then it's like I've got the show on the Monday and this is the first one of the work in progress shows and it's all the rest of it and I've got covid right and say what you want for the people out there I'm all for Co only killed like you know the old and the unhealthy and the people with the predisposition and all the rest of it like lockdowns were over the top and we didn't need to respond in the way that we did and all the rest of it let me tell you it is no joke right I'm 35 with four figure testosterone and it killed me it Absolut completely sideswipe me and then I'm out the other side I test I test negative for being able to like whatever I've had I've done the incubation period so I know that I'm fine to do the show but I still feel like absolute dog my HRV is in the tank my resting heart rate's through the roof even like my blood oxygen isn't there you can tell that I use a woop right and uh I'm just and I feel my felt sense is thoughts are muddy um coughing throat's not clear uh my my speech and diction coach um miles who is usually very um he's PRO voice rest for stuff like this uh and I had a couple of I had like a little coun you the Council of Elders that I had to tap into uh Jimmy Carr said that he thought I shouldn't do it because he said look you're so early on in your live tour career that if you have a bad show it might knock your confidence and that could be a difficult spiral Cascade to to get back out of I spoke to Miles and Miles said I think that you should do it because I think that it's a good opportunity to get on stage the reason that I did it because I'm still fundamentally psychotic is that I realized if I was able to perform well on stage only seven days after I'd had covid still feeling like dog that when I'm on tour we're doing Edmonton and Calgary in Toronto in the middle of December if I'm freezing cold and we've slept in some house h hotel or maybe the flight got canceled and we haven't slept at all and we've been in the Airport overnight how hard is this going to be I did it with I did it just recovering from covid so it was like a flag that I was planting in the ground to prove to myself this is the level that I can get to yeah right we did uh recently in La we did all of these shows back to back to back to back to back first off because there was tons of people that I was super super excited to speak to like today come to La this just I am swimming in interesting people so I want to do it but there's going to be a price that I need to pay right and it's like okay well where's the bar that I can set myself and this is the coolest thing like not talking about not to one anymore we're now talking about 95 to 96 or 96 to 97 right when you actually think okay this is where I previously thought my limit was and don't get me wrong I'm having conversations sat down with interesting people fueled by caffeine right like just mainlining it into my veins okay like I'm not I'm not doing the 75 hours of like seal like selection that you guys do but I was like okay this is where I thought my limit was for this let's just see if we can nudge this a little bit and the Strategic Learning opportunity right you either like when or you learn the Strategic Learning opportunity of what does this mean for me if I can do it and importantly if it doesn't go well as opposed to saying this makes me uh less of a person in an inferior it's like okay what do I need to do in order to nudge my capacity to be able to get there and we can see it with whatever it is that you want to care about right can I do 15 minutes of meditation instead of 10 can I not hit the snooze button for a full week in a row and if I don't I don't moralize about it I don't tell myself some sort of a story about what this means about me as a person what I do is I say okay what do I need to do to be able to achieve this and I think it's just such a like that framing it comes to me one of in my best moments right when I'm my least juvenile my least bitter my least resentful and that version of me like treating myself like a friend that I'm responsible for helping in Jordan Peterson language is like there's no losing there's no losing and it feels so fulfilling and I remember the texture of my mind when I didn't have that self-love when my self talk wasn't there and yeah man I mean hell like I am absolutely patient zero for being someone that thought that wasn't friends with with his inner voice well that I mean that's what we need most right so we we we teach what we need most and so what you've done is you've gone from the zero to whatever like as you said in the high 90s and now that's that's what you're teaching and you're good at teaching it because it's coming from real life experience versus I've read these thousand books on self-growth self-help but I'm still a human animal behind closed doors but I'm just going to pair it off what I've heard but to that point I'm so glad you did that show even while feeling like dog um having even you know while you weren't contagious I can I can confirm that when I had covid it was was definitely like I got hit by a semi and all 18 tires ran over me like again I agree with you in every way you should have your right to choose whether you're going to get the jab or not and we shouldn't have had the lockdowns and Etc but it definitely hits you different than the common cold or the flu at least it did for me as well so but that said I think people most of us are aware of IQ and EQ and I think the factor that most people aren't aware of is the AQ the adversity quotient and that if you could do something that you would normally do in a under duress so your body's trying to recover your lungs are trying to recover and you're doing something that you planned on doing in perfect health now you're doing it under suboptimal conditions you are increasing your adversity quotient your ability to deal and with adversity and maintain composure for a prolonged period of time that then directly has influence on the IQ and EQ as well it becom a self-fulfilling prophecy because you're like holy if I could do this per else can what else can I do it gives you a high level of Competency and therefore confidence there's a competency confidence Loop right and it goes well maybe I can actually invest in increasing my intelligence more I can probably become a more emotionally connected human that then allows you to go I can probably do more things under duress higher adversity quotient yeah Ryan holiday says uh self-belief is overrated I prefer evidence mhm and that was a like a strategic piece of evidence and it it was probably risky right looking back I don't know how risky it was but I was able to do it and I'm like oh cool well you know if I if I step out on stage and all hell breaks loose and the lights go out and all the rest of it like I still might myself but I've at least got one kind of difficult thing that I overcame that makes me feel like yeah I feel good about myself I having done that so but going back to what you said real quick remember what you're going to say cuz you said something so profound earlier that line where you made that decision to go on stage versus not y or you consulted with your elders and ultimately you made that decision let's say all the elders said bro stay in bed recover yeah and you're like it disregarded that line is so thin man it is so easy to justify and negotiate with your inner self and go it I'll stay in bed and then only to realize I just stacked a big L right and that line is super thin and if we can just cross that Chasm into doing what's right which is choose adversity under duress and watch how you continue to turn up that thermostat yeah of the that's that's how people get to you know you look at anybody that's done anything particularly spectacular in their life and you think how is someone able to achieve this work rate you know I often look at Rogan and I Think Jesus Christ man like the the the show the the comedy the UFC the family the and the Leisure Time and the friends and stuff like that and I'm like wow like even for me someone that's seen it firsthand it's still like a it's like the guy's got 36 hours in the day or something like that but the thing that you realize as you reflect on your own ability to progress is well I see my development I see where my life used to be and my capacity used to be and I remember the texture of my own mind a little bit I always used to think it would be really cool you know he can take a photo and that's kind of a snapshot in time of what you can see I'd love to be able to take a snapshot in mind of the texture of your own existence and be able to go back and visit it right what would you like to be uh 2013 Chris let me just drop in for five minutes oh my god do you remember all of the things that used to capture my attention and the fears I had and the rumination wow I didn't even I didn't even realize that this was an entire world that I could tap it and then you get to get pulled back out of it and getting you know because we you can even see the number on the scale the difference in the photos of your body like the development but the development of the texture of your own mind you can only ever experience your past experience through the experience you have now and it limits your theory of mind for yourself for your past self right and I I thought it would be cool if there was maybe Elon with new link will be able to make I was going to say if anyone's going to pull that off it's going to be Elon but what think about what an advantage it would give us to see like how much growth we've had or how much we haven't a de decades gone by and I'm still that guy complaining about the government and taxes and inflation and what's instead of actually becom the hero in my own Journey Fu right what are you doing next what can people expect from you soon uh so I'm actually working on a second book now uh ManUp was my first book came out in 2018 and it's done really well and my show uh the bedro Coan show really popped off thankfully this last 12 months and quadrupled my book sale so it went from great to extraordinary uh that that inspired me to write my next book uh which I've got a working title so I'm not going to share it here what are you thinking about for as a subject area what I'm thinking about the broad subject is is is it's still going to be in this self-development genre but it is I'm finding more and more evidence that change can really take place in an instant and that it doesn't have to be this massive long painful Journey the change can take place in an instant almost of a flip of a switch if you will uh and and so I'm through my own personal experience and through the experience of those that I coach and consult I've kind of almost figured out this hack of creating change quickly and then maintaining that change new identity and so I want to be able to share that because I think most people who want to produce change and become the best version of themselves the work ahead of them overwhelms them yeah and I think that there is a shorter path to it that still requires work make no mistake about it and it is very it's it's it's you know what it's like the project I was telling the guys so yesterday you know we finished running the project 75h hour men's personal development experience uh focused on those five FS Faith Family Fitness Finance fulfillment and I said fellas remember we had you for 75 hours so you can't go home and expect your wife to automatically wake up at 4:00 a.m. or whatever time you want her to wake up and attack her dreams and Stu like we had you and the the marine and the seal and and these guys like forced you into doing the things and increasing your capacity in 75 hours like they were able to lead better in 75 hours they able to communicate better they were able to problem solve better they were able to work as a team better and those are the four fundamental things you need in life all of life consists of communication teamwork problem solving and Leadership um and so but that's because they are in the pressure cooker of the project I said you can't go home and expect your family to all of a sudden fall in line cuz running the first two or three classes of the project I would get messages from the wives like holy you guys created a monster like I don't want to wake up at this time and then go to the gym twice a day and then also attack this part of my life and the meditation and the work and then figure out what my next phase of life is going to look like before this phase is over all right great I get it you know what let's start telling these guys hey ease your family into it over a 90-day period let's pick one pillar of the Five Pillars and ease them into it over a 90-day period and so I think the same thing applies here like there is it is going to take hard work but there is a compressed way to be able to flip the switch and find that new identity and then become that person virtually overnight but it's a still requires hard and heavy work I think that's what a formative experience is right like people have been through things sometimes it's trauma sometimes it's a loss sometimes it's Tony Robbins event you know what I mean like there's things that happen that are just so important to people and and wow I mean if you could self-generate that if you could not have to wait for the world to give you the input to be able to make that happen if you could to manufacture that element that will trigger the change is huge yeah yeah that's cool yeah bed Ras kulan ladies and gentlemen dude I really appreciate you thank you for coming to see me where should people go they want to follow your work yeah yeah so first off Chris thank you thank you for the opportunity man I'm a big fan of your show and I really appreciate the opportunity you've given me here uh secondly best place to find me is either on YouTube or Instagram at bedros kolan hell yeah bed thank you man thank you thank you very much for tuning in if you enjoyed that episode with bed Ross you will love my conversation with Andrew hubman which is 3 hours long and brand new go on give it a press