Video summary
Scott Galloway emphasizes fitness and having a concrete plan as foundational elements for young men, drawing on his own experience starting workouts at age thirteen under the influence of his Royal Navy father. He argues that while plans may evolve—as his initial goal to become a pediatrician was derailed by chemistry class—having an articulated roadmap for the next five or ten years is crucial. This planning ability allows individuals to confidently answer questions about their future, providing direction even when specific details change over time. A central theme of Galloway's advice is the necessity of emotional intelligence and vulnerability, which he contrasts with his own past tendency to suppress feelings to avoid appearing weak. He urges young men to be honest about their emotions, reach out for help when upset, and express hurt or love openly rather than deflecting these feelings as a sign of strength. Galloway explains that suppressing emotions creates blinders that prevent people from recognizing what truly matters to them, leading to missed opportunities in friendships, relationships, and career pursuits where persistence is key. To illustrate the transformative power of emotional expression, Galloway cites the example of Caleb Williams, the USC quarterback who publicly sobbed after a loss during his Heisman Trophy campaign run. This moment, captured on national television as he embraced his mother while she shielded him from the crowd's view with her notebook, signaled a significant shift in masculinity by demonstrating that it is acceptable for strong men to show disappointment and seek comfort. Galloway connects this behavior directly to mental health statistics, noting that male suicide rates are approaching four times higher than female rates because many men never learn how to express their struggles early on. Galloway also addresses the psychological mechanisms people use to avoid feeling emotions fully, such as rationalizing feelings through concepts like negativity bias or the Abilene paradox. He suggests that for many, these mental models serve as protection mechanisms rather than genuine insights, allowing individuals to excuse themselves from processing difficult internal states. By engaging with a therapist and observing figures like Caleb Williams, men can learn to move past these defenses and feel their emotions completely, which is essential for healing and moving out of dark places in life. The discussion concludes by highlighting the dual rewards of emotional openness: it fosters deeper connections with others who may be waiting for someone to admit they are struggling, while simultaneously providing a sense of purpose through comforting loved ones. Galloway reflects on how witnessing such moments helps redefine what it means to be a man, reducing stigma around vulnerability and encouraging young men to build healthier relationships based on authenticity rather than stoicism. Ultimately, the ability to say "I am really upset" is presented as a critical skill for solving personal crises and achieving genuine happiness and success.
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What else would be on your syllabus for
teaching young men what they should
focus on in life and prioritize?
Well, you did this earlier, but I think
fitness just for mental health.
Um
getting used to working out early. My
dad was in the Royal Navy and he started
me working out when I was like, I don't
know, 13 and it sort of sort of stuck
with me. Like I didn't do it a lot till
I was 17 or 18, but it just sort of was
ingrained in me.
Um I think having a plan, even if that
plan changes, always just sort of having
a plan. Always be able to say
if someone asks you, "What are you What
are you thinking you're going to do the
next 5 or 10 years?" You don't have to
stick to it, but I'm planning to go to
college and then I'm going to get a
degree.
You know, when I was 17, I thought I was
going to be a pediatrician and chemistry
disabused me of that notion.
Um but always have sort of a plan that
you can articulate to somebody. Um I
would say
uh try and
um and this is something I didn't want
to do, be more in touch with your
emotions.
And that is be more honest with people.
Tell them when you're upset. Reach out
to people, ask for help. When a woman
upsets you uh or a friend upsets you,
you know, it bummed me out that you
didn't call me back or you were not nice
to me in front of the other guys and I
don't understand why. I don't I mean,
there's a certain amount of that pecking
order and socialization you need to
endure growing up, but I wasn't in touch
with my emotions. I didn't tell my mom I
loved her until I was much older and I
wish I'd said that more often. I wish
that I had told women or romantic
partners when my feelings were hurt or
how I truly
felt about them. I was one of those guys
that would was never wanted to appear
weak or vulnerable, so I would never
share my emotions and I think that
screwed up a lot of uh relationships or
diminished them. So, be much more in
touch with your emotions, be much more
willing to express your emotions.
Why? What's on the What's on the other
side? What's the positive on the other
side of doing that?
Well, it it
there's opportunities to have
friendships and relationships.
Sometimes Sometimes people are waiting
for you to say, "I'm really bummed out
that maybe you don't want to be my
friend or that you don't like me as much
as I like you."
And not only that, there's so few people
who are willing to say that at a young
age. It It demonstrates confidence.
And I think people find that really
attractive. I mean, and if they don't,
that's the wrong kind of person.
Also,
you go into this
this kind of funhouse of your
emotions and reality where you don't
know what's important to you. You start
convincing yourself you don't care or
you don't mind.
And you never really get informed. I My
attitude is
when a movie really moves you,
um ask yourself, "Why am I inspired by
this?" And then cuz that'll help inform
what interests you.
When something really upsets you, really
lean into the upset and ask, "Why is it
upsetting me so much?" And
otherwise, you're just sort of walking
around with blinders on. You don't know
really what's important to you. You
don't know who you want to spend time
with.
So, to not lean into your emotions and
register them,
one, you give up a lot because you're
going to find out later in life, "Oh
yeah, no, I liked you, too." Or "No, I
would've been friends with you." Or
"Yeah, we were interested in hiring you,
but you didn't follow up. You weren't
persistent." Whatever it might be,
right?
Uh you should've applied a second time.
You should've applied to university the
second time. Whatever it might have
been, right? And also, you just miss on
the opportunity to feel closer to people
and and have some sense of what's
important to you. What inspires you?
What makes you sad?
Where you know, I don't think I ever
told someone until I was well into my
30s that something they did upset me. I
had this notion that I'm me big strong
man. I don't get upset at things. I you
know, everything deflects off of me. I
don't care.
Yeah, I'm a I've started working with a
therapist over the last few months here
in Austin who worked with a friend
that's way more way more [ __ ] up than
I'll ever be. So, I figured, "Look, if
she can see through his [ __ ] she
can definitely deal with mine." And uh
there's layers to this. You realize, you
know, just even talking about your
emotions or being prepared to say them
isn't quite the same as actually feeling
them, feeling them fully, you know,
having your emotions and your mind rest
where your feet are.
And uh
there's layers and layers to this that
I've realized especially maybe people
that listen to podcasts like mine or
yours
who are interested in psychology and
human nature and can rationalize or
explain away what they're feeling. Oh,
that's the negativity bias or that's the
Abilene paradox or that's, you know,
that I understand that this is because
of my it's the bad bystander effect or
some other [ __ ] right? Like they
they've got some mental model that
allows them to explain what's going on
inside of the Yeah, James Clear talks
about something similar and whatever
whatever. And I realized that for a good
chunk of people, way more than might
like to admit it, that's a protection
mechanism.
Their ability to rationalize and explain
away what's happening inside of their
minds gives them an excuse to not have
to feel their feelings fully.
I thought of you this last weekend. Did
you see what happened with Caleb
Williams, the quarterback for USC?
No.
So, this kid is probably going to I
think he's probably going to be the
Heisman Trophy winner and is probably
going to go number one in the draft. And
he's playing against Washington and he
blows it and they're going to lose.
The guy breaks down
and begins sobbing and immediately runs
over to the stands and jumps up
and embraces his mother and his mother
puts this notebook over his helmet so
that the crowd can't see him crying.
And his father comes over and consoles
him.
And I thought, "Oh my god, this kid
doesn't even realize he has moved
masculinity so far forward.
And the ability to give into that sort
of emotion
Mhm.
and do it publicly,
you know, so much of this [ __ ] up
sense of what it means to be a man
is around
burying your emotions.
And when you look at suicide rates
uh and how they're now they used to be
three to one male to female and it's
approaching four to one.
One of the key components of that is men
do never learn how to express they are
struggling.
And because they're taught from a very
early age that real men don't express
that sort of upset. So when you see this
guy
who's probably the premier quarterback
in college football
this really like big, handsome,
ridiculously strong guy
in front of national TV
jump up into his mother's arms.
I mean, it sends such a good signal to
young men that it's okay to be
emotional. It's okay to be disappointed.
I also think that's such a gift to I
mean, you're not a parent yet. You
really as a parent all you really want,
you want two things. You want your kids
to be happy and successful.
But you also want to comfort them.
Like
any chance you would get as a parent to
comfort your child
it's just so rewarding. It's like,
"Okay, I have purpose." And I remember
seeing that, literally the whole nation
saw that moment and I thought that kid,
unknowingly
just moved masculinity forward and just
reduced the likelihood or increased the
likelihood that a young man is going to
have an easier time expressing to a
family member or non-family member, "I
am really upset." And that is key to
solving that is key to getting out of a
really, really dark place. And I
thought, "Oh my god, it's such a moving
moment." So anyways
Google Caleb Williams and you'll see the
video. It's really It's very raw. It's
very
very moving and I was just I thought it
was Oh god, I I I think this kid doesn't
realize uh
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