How (not) to fish

This presentation is brought to you by Asbestos, the purchase that'll last you a lifetime. Welcome to How to Fish for Beginners. Whoa. Now, slow down there, Kevin. Yes, I'm looking at you. If you're going to want to catch some fish, you're going to need water. You You're indoors now, Kevin. Where even are you now, Kevin? Can you just Can you Oh, for God's sake. No, stop. Just Just let him play a video game that can teach him. Okay. The The guy is just This narrator's frustration was brought to you by Asbestos. I love fishing. What happened? I Wait. Ow. >> Oh, sorry. >> Creature caught. >> We're going to be rich. >> Ah, delicious. >> He liked it. Damn, dude. You got a small fishing rod. >> No one's ever complained before. I can buy beer. And you want this beer? >> This was $12. >> Drink up. >> I don't think you did anything. >> Well, then >> that was all our money. >> You win some, you lose some. Eh, >> when do we win some? Oh, did you just eat? No, I just took a nibble. It's still good. Come on, eat up. >> Eat it. >> Looks like you're pipe. >> A wee poster, lad. >> Okay, I have $20 now. What did we get? Oh, >> I bought two radios by accident. >> Oh, well, >> instead of one, all our money is gone again. >> We can put one at each end of the island. >> It's surround sound. Oh god, Henry, I'm dying. You look great, by the way. >> What do I look like? >> You look You both look like each other. >> Like father, like son. >> What would Papa No. No. Stop. He's already dead. >> The little slaps. Thank you. I should have known you were just giving me CPR. Yeah. >> Oh, he's got a little sad face. >> Does he? >> Yeah. You haven't blinked in minutes. You're just holding him up to my face. >> I'm going to crab blink for me. >> Oh, yeah. I caught I caught something good. >> Yeah. >> Oh, >> yeah. Oh, he's a It's a drip. >> Get him. Go get some drip. Get some drip. >> Oh, look at that drip. One second. I want to show the dude. He's shocked. He's speechless. just traumatized from what you did last time. >> He's still high from smoking that shrimp. >> Oh, what did you get? What did you get? >> I got it. You got a You got a knife. >> Or was it just an NFT? Where's the actual knife? >> Oh, maybe you have to buy a knife to get the knife. >> Kevin, I've got a creature yet you need to kill with the knife. >> All right, one v one me. >> Oh, wait. No, I don't. Wait, you caught a rock. >> I think we need to get off this island. Wait, didn't he say he wanted a beer? Can't we just give him a beer? Yeah, give him the beer. >> Here you go. >> Empty beer can. >> Oh, wait. I've got the beer can on and on on his bait. If you hit B, you can cycle through bait. >> Oh. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got a boss here. >> Oh god. >> Oh Jesus Christ. >> Get him. >> Oh my god, he destroyed me. >> Revive me. Revive me. Oh no. >> Do what you did last time, Papa. Yeah. >> This thing's looking dangerous, man. He's flying. >> Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Damn it. Wake up. Get yourself together. >> No. Seagull took Max. Help me. Help me. >> Where is it? >> I don't think you're going to be able to kill it in time before the boss leaves, actually. >> True. Okay. Okay. Well, at least we know what to do now. So, we we need good weapons. And then we just swarm him, I think. >> And you can't feed. Can you feed each other? >> I I think any Oh, here comes the airplane. Smack it off your face. >> Rejected. >> Okay, I'm sharp. I'm ready. >> Okay, I got him. Uh-oh. Are you ready? >> Yeah. Oh my god. >> Here we Oh my god. He already hit me. >> Mess him up. Mess him up. >> OH. Oh my lord. >> No mercy. Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus. Pick me up, lads. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Get Henry. Get Henry. I'll distract him. >> I'm eating clams. I'm eating clams. >> He's stunned. >> The captain doesn't even mind. >> That's not at all. >> He baited us. >> No, no, no. >> Okay. Okay. Back up. Back up. >> It's like I'm in Limmerch. >> [ __ ] knife. >> You're dizzy. You're dizzy. >> Oh. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. >> Yeah. >> Meat. Meat chunk. >> Do we just sell it? >> Yeah. >> What do you think? >> Oh, he ate the whole thing. >> Oh, he gave you the boat keys. >> Hell yeah. >> I'll take a clam with us in case we get hungry. >> Goodbye, Captain. We'll miss you. >> I won't. >> Little bit left. >> Left. Okay, >> perfect. >> Yeah. >> Oh, [ __ ] hell. >> How does it feel? Feel a bit choppy. >> Okay. A little bit of right now. >> Bit right. Okay. A locking right. >> Left. >> Our captain knows what he's doing. He's avoiding swells. >> Yes. Yes. >> You're right. It's like on the right. >> Like fully right. Like this way. >> No, no, no, no. Like that. Yeah. There. There we go. No. No. We're just >> I'm just going all the way around left. So, we're going right again. Right there. >> Okay. Yeah. There. Right now. Yeah. That's right. >> That's right. I go right. >> That's left. >> I go left. That's left. >> We're never going to get going to die. I'm so glad I brought this clam with me. >> Wa. Wow. The forest. >> Is this the forest? >> By Christ. >> There's a gamber machine on it. >> Thank god. What can we buy? We could buy a shotgun. We could buy dynamite. >> What? >> How much is the gun? >> We might need to stab this one. >> Okay. Stab this one. Stab it. >> Oh my god. An actual fish. >> Oh [ __ ] >> Oh, a mackerel. >> Damn. >> Kevin, kiss it. >> All right, Max, get ready. Get ready. >> Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? >> Over by the shore. Get ready. >> By the shore. By the shore. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Get ready. And pull. Got away from me. >> Is this fly fishing? >> Oh god. I have >> What are you doing with that? >> I caught a fish, boss. Can you eat that? >> Let me try. Hello. >> Oh my god. >> I think we're ready for the boss. Get ready. It's about to go down. >> Ready. Nothing is happening. >> Did you catch anything? >> No. Oh, here we go. >> Oh god. I don't know. Oh, you're doing the bus. >> Oh my god, he has lots of baby piranhas. >> Use the tree line. >> I need to do gamber. >> Understood, soldier. >> Gamber. >> Dynamite. Yeah, dynamite. I got it. Where is he? All right, I'm I'm coming at him. I'm coming at him. >> Are we going to be able to dynamite him? He's so quick. >> Don't worry. I got this. How do I >> Okay, we're going to have to lock in. He's halfway done. And he's over half health. >> Okay. Okay. >> Mess him up. >> I got two hits on him. >> Nice. Good damage. >> Help me. >> Oh, he's coming to get you. >> Oh no. The pathetic little slap sound. >> Where'd he go? He's on the gamble machine. >> Nice. >> Well, there's so much money from all these piranhas. Hey buddy, go along. I'm just chalking them from down in the forest straight into his mouth. Who? >> I don't know you can do it from afar. >> He doesn't want to eat big piranha. >> Does she? >> She did. Ah. Use this. >> What did she give you? >> It's a flash drive with coordinates. Oh, big motor. >> Oh. >> Oh, big motor. Do I get big motor? I think we'd be stupid not to >> big motor. >> Upgrade the engine on the boat. >> Whoa. Big fish. >> That's not a fish. Kev, >> it's a fish. >> Delicious. >> Quack. Quack. >> All right. >> Lead the way. >> Forward. >> Yes, sir. >> Radar, Henry, >> left. >> Left. >> Oh, now I have real power. >> Yeah, just shoot in the direction I got to go. The gun knows the way. She's excited. >> I see it. I see it. >> Oh, you can see it. This one wasn't as far. >> Land ho. We made it. Oh. >> Ow. Just damn it. Unless one of you shot me. >> No. >> Couldn't be. Yo, I'm the grill master. I'm hosting a party later with some friends, but I have nothing to grill for them. Would you mind catching something cool for me to cook? I think a shark would be nice. If you can get me one, I'll let you use the grill to cook your own catch. That way you can earn more money from selling cooking things. >> Oh, who's this guy? >> Must heard a dead seag. >> What does the sleeping dude want? >> He wants an endangered creature. >> Eat this. >> Oh, I'll eat it. That looks good. >> Yum, yum, yum. >> Bfish. I got the bfish. I got the bfish. >> Oh, 321 bucks. >> Whoa. Huh? I got some serious hall here if you want to sell it for me. Paste your eyes on this hall. >> Nice. Oh, ballfish, Henry. Bfish. Is that endangered? Should we Oh, man. It's literally a goldfish in a bowl. What the hell? Oh, take the carrot. Find us a shark. That was worth 300 bucks and he just holds out a [ __ ] carrot. It's all right. Oh, fish with the carrot. Kevin, find the boss. You ready for that? Probably not. Oh my. >> Mess him up. Mess him up. >> I'm almost dead. >> Use the trees for cover. >> Run away from me, you freak. We're going have to use the trees for cover. >> Yeah, he smacks into the trees. >> Ow. And you and me. Remember, you can buy hot dogs for a dollar if you need food. >> Wait, you can eat those? >> Oh, yeah. You can't. Never mind. >> Forget what I just taught you. >> Well, he's more than halfway down and we're not halfway to killing him. We need to lock in, boys. >> I'm locked. Oh, I just shot Henry twice and died. >> Where is he? Where is he? >> Where is he? >> Oh, he's coming. He's coming. He's coming. >> Nice. That's some good damage. Oh, >> he's almost dead. He's almost dead. He's almost dead. I'm going him into fisty cuffs. >> He's dead. He's dead. >> Wait, who do we have to give it to? This guy. This guy. This guy. This guy. This guy wants him. >> The carrot guy. I give it for a carrot. >> No. The barbecue man. >> How many carrots would you give me for this? >> Barbecue man, please. >> You want him? >> His mouth is open. He's hungry. >> He's hungry. He loves it. Oh. >> Whoa. All right. How much is grilled food worth? Uhoh. All right, guys. I caught another boss. >> Help me. Help me. Help me. >> What the is that? >> I'm in the middle. Help me. >> What is happening? >> Pick me up. Pick me up. He's so fast. Oh my god. >> Yeah, that's tanky. >> We are not equipped for him. All right. You know what? Just get in the boat. Get in the boat. That's >> where Oh no, he's airborne. [ __ ] >> I'm so hungry, man. Have you got any food? >> Do you eat radars or pistol? >> Yes. Oh. Oh, sorry. I accidentally shot you. >> Watch out. He's right there. He's right there. >> I'm in the boat. Dead. Oh god. Oh god. >> Oh no. >> Henry, shoot the seagull. >> Shoot the seagull. >> What seagull? Above you. Above you. >> I'm coming down. >> Where's he gone? Holy [ __ ] He's coming. >> Oh my god. That was a heat seeeking missile. What the hell is this? That was crazy, dude. Where did you go? Oh my god. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. He's back. He's back. He's back. He's back. Oh my lord. >> You almost got him, boys. You can do it. You can do it. >> Two. One. >> Just fck off, dude. Go back to where you came from. >> Leave. Just leave. Just leave, man. >> Oh, what? What spawned it? >> Uh, that was me. I put a carrot in the water again. >> That makes sense. >> Well, like a good idea at the time. >> No, bad ideas here. Anyway, there's another blue shark. >> All right, this will be easy. We've done this before. We can do it again. And we can cook them. Jeez, the money we're about to make. >> Over here. Over here. Your gun's over here. >> [ __ ] >> Oh my god. What a dodge. >> I'm pretty sure I jumped over it. >> You did. It looked crazy. I'm going to get out of your line of sight. You're hitting more than me. You're hitting the shark. >> Oh, I'm feeding I'm feeding the shark. >> He's putting himself on the B. Ah. >> No. >> Of course, he jumps on his boat. >> Oh my god. >> Jesus. He's a beast in water. >> Well, it makes sense he's faster in the water, but you know, it's still surprising. My god. >> No, no, no. It just gets worse. >> Good shot. >> I'm dead. No. >> Oh. >> Famous last words. Kevin was like, "This will be easier." I don't think it was. What is this? >> You got a horse. >> Wait, what? >> Oh, yeah. I've seen a fish like that before. >> It's a seahorse. Let's cook it. >> Oh my god. >> He's nice and golden brown. >> That's how I like my horse. >> Yummy. In my tummy. Max, you're a chef. Is this cooked? >> A bit longer. >> Yeah. A little bit more. I don't want to get food poisoning. I want to make sure it's thorough. >> Yeah. I'm going to die from eating that thing. Yeah, that's definitely Oh, I got an achievement. What's that? What the hell? Big meatball. >> It's the beach ball. Yeah. >> Eat it. >> Anything's edible. She ate it and just said, "What was that?" What a game. >> Hey, Kevin, catch. We haven't played Frisbee yet. Pull. Ready? Mhm. Oh. Oh. How do you Oh, I don't think we're frisbeeing right. All right, I'll stand over here and then I'm going to throw it over to the shop. Get ready. You're aiming right at me. >> Yeah. >> Wait, hold on. Hold on. Let me try that again. Die. Die. Die. >> Seems dangerous. >> Oh, there's so many balls. >> Oh my god, there's so many balls. They're only $3, man. We'd be fooled not to buy loads of them. >> Oh my god. >> Can you cook them and sell them for a profit? >> Interesting question. I like that. >> Meatball. >> She gave me $1. I think we should do the shark again. >> Have you bought like Have you upgraded [ __ ] >> No, but I bought a lot of beach balls. >> Nice. That'll be distracting. It hates beach balls. Natural enemies. The shark and the beach ball. >> He's here. If you can hit him between all these moles. He's got so much cover. >> But he can't hit us, right? >> Sure. He's dead. >> Hell yeah. >> Nice. >> He smells pretty good. Oh, he's going to be worth some mooly. The way you hold them is awesome. >> Oh, I just fed my [ __ ] fishing rod to the guy. >> Oh, you got that island madness. $491. >> Not even that much. >> Yeah, it's a lot of beach balls though. >> Oh no, >> puffer fish. Oh god, >> he's so moist. >> Are we actually dealing damage to him now? >> Slightly. All right, stand back. I got the dynamite. >> Okay, >> how do I throw it? Oh [ __ ] >> Q. >> Yeah. >> Get up, idiot. >> Thank you. Thank you. I'm sorry, boys. Hold on. I got it this time. >> It didn't do that much. >> Did that do anything? I'm almost dead. >> Like a thousand, it said, but >> giving it so hard to hit him. I don't think it's worth. Yeah, we just got to lock in. >> Help me. >> Oh man, >> that is hard. Kevin, what are you doing? >> I'm building a trap for the buffer fish. Careful where you shoot now. It's a very sensitive trap I'm building. >> Yeah, I might move away from it in case it does just explode. >> Oh no, no, no. Catfish, go away. I'm >> I'm waiting. I'm waiting. Go away. I haven't invested in a bit of a while, but maybe I will again now. >> I think we're losing some money to dynam. >> Losing or investing? As long as Kevin's plan doesn't kill us all. >> It's definitely going to kill me. It just don't don't stand near me. All right. By my calculations, this is the perfect amount of dynamite to kill a single puffer fish >> based on what previous expertise. >> I ran the numbers, Max. That's all I'm willing to say. I think we're ready. >> Shall I do it from over here so it spawns out this side? >> I guess I'm going to stand on the other side of the island to call me crazy. >> Oh, where is he? >> Well, there he is. >> OKAY. All right. Well, Kevin is being picked up by a bird. >> Yeah, seagull, pick me up. It's all going according to plan. Okay, kill the seagull. >> He's Okay, I'm running from the puffer fish. Maybe Henry can help you. >> Half health it though, which is really good. Actually does. >> I'll go buy some dynamite. >> Good thinking. >> Oh my god. Done it. Where is Kev? The seagull got me. >> I don't know like what it actually dropped besides the meat chunks. It might have dropped like a trophy. >> This has got to be it. >> I don't know. >> What is it? >> Oh, there you go. Coordinates. I got the coordinates there. >> We all in, by the way. >> Yeah. Oh, no. What? What is this out here? >> Whoa. What the What? I have a I think you're under the map. >> Where's I What the Uh-oh. I'm coming down. Oh, Jesus Christ. >> Where did he land? Oh, he's over there. >> I accidentally put helium in the beach ball. I can't get up. >> Are you gone? Where are you? Lucky bait casino. Now we're talking. >> Whoa. Oh yeah. What happened? >> I found a radio and I bet it all on red. >> Oh, you bought me seagull. >> Want to bet it on black. >> I mean, let's go. >> We don't want money. We want double seagull. The hell? >> Double or nothing. Double or nothing. Damn. It's not even worth that much though. Again. Again. Hold on. Black. >> Whoa. >> Damn. What the hell? >> Another one. >> The seagull's going to be worth a craft. >> What the [ __ ] >> Gambling's easy. Oh. Oh. >> Wait. What the hell just happened? >> What do you mean? >> It just fell into the red. >> It didn't even go. That's it. Light them up. Eat the soup. Wait, Henry, look at this. >> What's that, Kevin? >> Oh, it happened again. It happened again. Again.