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How Does Trauma Alter Your Identity? - Dr Paul Conti

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Dr. Paul Conti argues that trauma is far more frequent and insidious than commonly realized, often operating like a wolf in sheep's clothing by altering identity without conscious announcement. He explains how the brain uses broad strokes to protect itself after an incident, leading individuals to retroactively change their memories of past events as a compensatory mechanism. For instance, someone who was hurt in a car accident might conclude they never felt safe driving or traveling at all, even if those activities were previously enjoyable; this is not because the memory changed factually, but because the intense emotion from the trauma colors old recollections to ensure future safety. Consequently, people often claim they have always lacked faith, confidence, or desire for relationships when these feelings actually emerged only after a specific traumatic event reshaped their narrative of who they are. The core function behind this psychological shift involves deep-seated affects such as fear, love, joy, and shame, which neurobiologically serve to protect us by triggering fight-or-flight responses. Shame acts as a powerful mechanism for behavior modification in small groups or tribes; historically, it kept humans from risking food supplies or safety within the cave. However, Dr. Conti notes that modern society has hijacked this survival instinct, causing individuals who were attacked decades ago with no fault of their own to feel profound guilt and shame. This internalized version of external tribal judgment forces people to shove trauma down below consciousness rather than process it, effectively shutting down lives under the guise of necessary behavioral change while stripping away accurate self-recollection. This distortion is further exacerbated by a reflexive cycle where individuals believe they should not have been in certain places or situations when an attack occurred, conflating actual responsibility with the automatic reflexes of guilt and shame. These feelings protect us from insight rather than helping us heal, convincing us that it is unsafe to look at our pain or talk about what happened because we fear being judged by others or ourselves. Dr. Conti highlights how these lies drive people into a fetal position emotionally, preventing them from seeking help or processing the event, which results in forgetting who they were before the trauma occurred and identifying instead with their damaged state as an unchangeable part of their personality. Dr. Conti draws parallels to English Modernist literature, specifically citing Ford Madox Ford's metaphor of finding a worm at the center of what was once thought to be a good apple, illustrating how we retroactively view past events through a negative lens after trauma occurs. He also references Virginia Woolf for capturing deeply how time and retrospect alter our perception of ourselves, making the past malleable rather than fixed. Ultimately, he asserts that while trauma changes us significantly, it does not hardwire these alterations permanently; instead, it is crucial to investigate what we were like before the incident occurred. By understanding exactly how a specific event impacted us and changed our story about who we are, individuals can reclaim their identity and decide consciously how to move forward rather than remaining stuck in a narrative enforced by internalized shame and guilt.
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what do you wish more people knew about trauma I wish that more people knew that it comes so frequently to so many of us and that it is Insidious and the meaning of that word like something that is sneaky and like a a wolf and sheep's clothing like it doesn't announce itself that I'm now in your brain and changing you including changing your memories so and I don't know what happened to you a after and and again sorry to learn about what happened but an example would be on the other side of that a person who's gone through what you've gone through could conclude I never feel safe in a car I've never felt safe in a car I don't like driving I don't feel could conclude that without it being true oh so they've retroactively gone back and changed their memory of situations prior to that trauma as a compensatory mechanism as a story they tell themselves well it's it's a way because the the brain is going to paint with a broad brush if we're not bringing the trauma to conscious understanding then it's saying it's a very simple conclusion right being in car coming at opposite traffic is not safe right and that's all the brain knows like we got hurt doing that so we can't do that anymore so it'll bring that to you and the emotion is so strong that it can color the old memory saying but you never wanted to be in a car anyway right you never felt comfortable in fact you don't even want to travel places like it can bring these to the surface it's remarkable how many people will say I never had Faith or confidence in myself I never thought I could do well at my job I never thought I was smart enough I never wanted to get out of my hometown I never wanted to be in a relationship people says but when you talk to them that's not true I mean I'm saying it's always not true but in many many situations it's not true it's the brain trying to keep them safe but that's where the brain will like I'm exaggerating a little bit like have you hiding under the bed all day to keep you safe right when that's not what we want we want to be able to keep ourselves safe so maybe if you you were in the accident when the road conditions were poor that's why a snowplow was out you might say look I don't want to be going against oncoming traffic if its speed is more than 30 kilometers per hour whatever it may be in bad conditions like maybe you learn that and you're like I you know what I take that away with me and I'm going to change that you might conclude that or you might conclude not that but you're concluding something that tells your brain it doesn't have to be lost in that trauma now for you it sounds like it went down after some period of time but for some people it doesn't until it's processed like again person I saw earlier today 20s something years ago it is still with the person as if it were yesterday and I see this many days not just that I happen to see that today it's like I see that a lot which is why I had a conversation about it just this morning so Insidious more frequent than people think more persistent than people think and changeable and and uh not uh lock set in stone for the rest of your life it's not hardwired in us uh it we don't have to be afraid of it because trauma triggers a reflex of guilt and shame so if we are traumatized there is some reflex and and I don't know if you had that after your trauma people so I shouldn't have been where I was when someone attacked me or when there was an accident now sometimes we may have some bear some responsibility but that's different than a reflex of guilt and shame which tells you shove the trauma down below don't look at it if you look at it oh Lord knows what you will find if you look at it what what's the function of the shame and the guilt so the the function is probably around behavior modification again it's all theoretical right but if you think about psychological history of humans and even anthropological psychology like how humans develop that we have what are called affects and I don't want to get too chew off into the weeds but neurobiologically there's a difference between affects feelings and emotions and affects are just aroused in us like if you're just walking down the street and someone jumps in front of you and shoves you you're going to feel anger or fear or boast before you know it think about that you're going to feel anger or fear or but it'll be coursing inside of you and then you become aware why because affects are create they create change in us if someone just jumps in front of you and shoves you or yells at you you better be ready to fight to flee right you boot up all these systems and then you're aware so these very deep affects in us very primary fear love joy shame they they they anger they they're created in Us in order to protect us so shame is very very powerful for altering Behavior so imagine if you're in small groups of people and you know you've got the food inside the cave and you close the cave door and then somebody wakes up in the middle of the night and eats a bunch of the food the rest of the people may make that person feel ashamed right or they you know they're they're keeping they're doing something that makes the supply at risk you know where people are are relieving themselves is too near their food like it then shame is a mechanism of change don't do that any don't do that again it puts you at risk it puts others at risk so it has a very strong impact upon us but it gets harnessed in ways that are not about survival like we're not living in a hunter gatherer Society where if you and I go faring for berries and we almost die we better never forget it right like it's different from that we live longer lives right that are much more diverse and can be impacted by shame in ways that can have a person who was attacked by someone else decades ago with no fault of their own still feeling guilty that they were attacked ashamed that they were attacked and deeply altering their behaviors because of that that's Survival mechanisms hijacked in a way that shuts down people's lives and Trauma does not have to have this kind of control over us but in doing what I do for a living I've seen whoa the greatest external control mechanism upon us is the one we don't see that alters even our memory so we don't even recollect accurately wow that's so interesting and it it's so crazy to think that scenarios we go through become interpreted by ourselves and woven into a story that we tell ourselves about who we've always been right then the incident that was the Genesis of that is not forgotten but it being the Genesis of it is forgotten right and it just becomes a part of us and then people will begin to identify with that oh that's me that's how I've always been I've always been a X or a y or person and if you we all know how much people try to defend their egos and their personalities if you Tred to say oh you know why don't we go away on holiday you know I don't like going away on holiday I've never liked going away on holiday no you had a very turbulent flight when you were seven years old or 13 years old or 25 years old and this Landing came in and you told yourself a story that you no longer want to go on well I'm fascinated by not only that not only the fact that instances formative instances MH can change the story tell ourselves about ourselves and then make us forget the fact that that is what caused it to happen but that shame and guilt are almost like the delivery mechanism for enforcing the change and it doesn't need to come from other people you know you're right that you do a thing and guilt is the uh internal version of the external eye that your tribe would have had on you saying you probably shouldn't be doing you shouldn't be eating those berries oh God I hope no one catches me but you're deploying this to yourself about yourself and maybe about something that wasn't even your fault yes it's something yes it's all of that so you're really getting it's all of that and it's even worse because that shame and guilt all the things you just said are like centuries protecting us from Insight protecting us from help i' say it's not safe to go look at that it's not safe to talk about that you want to go talk about something you're ashamed about that that's not going to go well right it has us keep it all inside because guilt and shame keep us stuck inside of ourselves which is the reason why people don't don't go and get help they don't go in process because guilt and shame tells us to keep it private and it tells us well people say all the time I'll start crying and never stop I'll curl up into a fetal position and never get out that is never what happens those are the lies of trauma driven guilt and shame that keep us in places where we not only don't know who we are but we forget who we are how many times I've had a person tell me I've always been someone no one likes no one and I learned like that's not that's not true at all people this person understood themselves to be different and and interacted in the world differently until that trauma happened because the thing you said about the airplane flight could happen when someone is seven happen when they're 57 too right and then we go back and we map the past which English interestingly um English modernism really really captured this so so it's not only this wasn't known before but the English modernist like Ford Maddox Ford Virginia wolfes writing really there were others too that started writing about how we retroactively change I think it was Ford madx Ford who wrote about if you're eating an apple and it's a goodly apple I think he wrote you get to the center of it and there's a worm is it retroactively a bad apple right and and that that was quite a revelation that was part of the English modernist movement that that that really realized and I in my opinion I I think Virginia wolf captured it the most deeply of of how time uh changes for us in in the context of how we see things in retrospect how we see ourselves that the the past is malleable and and it is our our responsibility to ourselves that our past isn't malleable if something changed in me after a trauma I want to know how I was before what that trauma was how it impacted me how it changed me how I am different afterwards so that I can decide what that means and how I'm going to go about doing about it whatever it is I choose to do in other news this episode is brought to you by element element is a tasty electrolyte drink mix with everything that you need and nothing that you don't it's a healthy alternative to sugary electrolyte drinks and it is the best way that I have started my morning every single day for over three years now it contains a science-backed electrolyte ratio of sodium pottassium and magnesium with no sugar no coloring no artificial ingredients or any other junk your genine system that caffeine acts on isn't active for the first 90 minutes of the day but your adrenal 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