Video summary
Andrew Schulz reflects on how fatherhood has fundamentally altered his perspective, shifting his focus from external validation to the happiness of his wife and daughter. He describes a profound sense of purpose that emerges when caring for another human being, noting that once he became a parent, his entire world narrowed down to just "that little girl." This new responsibility transformed him into what he calls a "real person," deeply invested in the well-being of others rather than simply performing on stage or engaging in self-centered antics. Schulz explains that having a child creates immediate "skin in the game," making public controversies regarding sensitive topics like vaccines or transgender issues feel less relevant because his primary concern is now protecting and providing for his family. Schulz theorizes that many of the projects men pursue before becoming parents—such as business ventures, bodybuilding, mindfulness practices, and political activism—are essentially surrogate families created to fill a void when one has not yet had children. He argues that once a biological child exists, all this energy is redirected toward protecting his wife and daughter rather than optimizing personal metrics like ice baths or longevity for the sake of it. While he still engages in physical training and health optimization through Function Health, Schulz clarifies that these efforts are now strictly instrumental: they serve to ensure he remains healthy enough to play paddle ball with his children. He notes a significant shift in self-perception where guilt over past behaviors like drinking or partying diminishes because the act of caring for kids redefines him as a responsible human being rather than just someone struggling with addiction. The conversation also delves into the complexities of dating and marriage, particularly regarding societal pressures on women to settle down by their early twenties versus men's tendency to raise their standards over time due to sunk cost fallacies. Schulz critiques modern "ick" culture and red flag lists prevalent in online discourse, suggesting that many women enter relationships with partners they do not truly like simply out of a fear of being alone rather than genuine incompatibility issues. He illustrates this by recounting how his wife finds certain behaviors disgusting yet still loves him unconditionally because their connection transcends minor irritations. His core advice is to fall in love with the specific person, not the institution of marriage or the process of parenthood; if one does not feel a deep bond without children, adding them will only amplify existing friction rather than create blessings. Finally, Schulz explores the concept of courage and how life circumstances often force individuals out of their comfort zones to reveal hidden strengths. He shares an anecdote about a friend who realized his "better self" was capable of much more after facing forced discomfort from fertility struggles or other tough events, suggesting that bravery is defined by what we do when fear strikes rather than just choosing challenges voluntarily. This theme extends to relationships, where Schulz argues that staying in unhappy partnerships due to an inability to break someone else's heart is actually a form of cowardice and a "bravery deficit." He posits that true commitment involves working through difficulties with the right person against external hardships, not against each other, which builds confidence and resilience. Ultimately, he emphasizes that life choices are restricted by one's willingness to deploy courage, urging listeners to consider what they would do if they possessed three times their current bravery.
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how have you changed since you've become
a dad just the outside stuff doesn't
matter as much like I just care about
like how my wife my my my daughter think
about me like if my wife and my daughter
are happy with me like if my daughter's
happy with me I can even deal with my
wife being pissed like and then you know
everything just gets a little bit
smaller you you're you know it's like
um yeah it's just amazing it's like the
only thing you think about all day
pretty much you know just that little
yeah that little little girl it's just
really awesome and you've become like a
real person I'm not saying you're not a
real person but like you just there's a
difference like once you have a family
like you're invested in the world in a
way different way and you become like a
real human being like even on stage the
second I mentioned that I have a kid
like my relation to the audience is
completely different I'm not just some
[ __ ] with a [ __ ] part in my hair
like talking [ __ ] about all these things
like everything actually impacts me
publicly masturbating look at how great
I am what an [ __ ] what an [ __ ] to
do that but now I have a kid and like
anytime I bring up some trans [ __ ] or
some vaccine [ __ ] it's like no I have an
actual reason to do that you know what I
mean like this skin in the game Beyond
just my own sense of being important
exactly you know so it's a beautiful
thing like I think it brings out like
the the best version of people I see the
best version of people with their kids
I've got this theory that uh because
people are having kids later especially
guys that uh a lot of the stuff that
people invest themselves into the
personal development the self-growth
yeah the business the the the muscle
gain all of that stuff are a lot of
those projects are surrogate families
because you haven't had one yet oh wow
and all of the energy that would be put
into protect baby protect wife or
protect baby protect husband like do the
thing homem making is I don't have that
but I've still got this sort of sense to
be agentic and make something happen in
the world but I I don't have the the
thing I don't have the little thing so
I'm going to put it into a business or
I'm going to put it into a project or
into my body or into my mindfulness or
into my political party or whatever it
might be which is great like especially
where you're putting it into your body I
think that's great like I love the
longevity stuff you know if you have a
kid you want to live longer you know
naturally
um yeah I I like I like that but I think
that you're right because there's no way
that like my wife would be like hey
could you change the kids diaper and I'd
be like I have two minutes left in my
ice bath I'm sorry I you know I need my
ice bath for the next 2 minutes you'll
have to change the diap
like that doesn't exist you know so you
have to you have to manipulate and
change your life did you find it uh I
know some of the more egotistical or
like self-centered concerns that you had
and uh things that you used to sort of
worry yourself with dropped away was it
almost like you sort of cleansed
yourself of that because you've got
something that is so dependent on you
that worrying about have I optimized my
ice bath have I where am I at with such
and such it's like all of that fluff
gets stripped back because you're just
looking after the kid yeah like I would
say like any kind of longevity stuff is
just so I can play paddle do you know
paddle the sport yeah like so like
anything about me like I go to like PT
and I do all this stuff but it is just
so I can continue playing this one thing
which is like a
beautiful moment of distraction that
takes me away from the the lovely
anxiety of you know bringing a human
being into this world you know but yeah
it's yeah I yeah there's this thing and
also like every single day you feel
purposeful that's the other thing about
having a kid that you don't realize it's
like uh you feel proud of yourself by
like three you know like when you don't
have a kid and it's like a weekend and
you're like party the night before and
you're just like hung over and [ __ ] and
like you party the night before and then
you have a kid and you're up and taking
care of it by like noon you're like I'm
the man like I should party some life
yeah like there there isn't this like
guilt and shame that you put on yourself
like what am I doing with my life end
need to always be creating stuff in the
world because you've already done the
creation thing yeah like I probably
drink way more now but I'm looking after
my kids so I'm like I'm a responsible
human being like this is or a
functioning alcoholic what it is you
know but yeah no it's it's cool man do
you want them I can't wait to be a dad
absolutely can't wait to be what's your
process with that like how is it hard to
meet people like you're obviously a you
know successful handsome guy Charming
smart like do you find it difficult to
connect with with the
women it's weird dating when you're a
little bit older like I'm 37 I was 37
last week and uh that's an interesting
one because the longer that you wait the
kind of higher that your bar gets and
it's this sort of sunk cost fallacy
thing where you think well I've waited
this
long what's the point you know things
Settle yeah the things have to become
more perfect which you know in itself is
a a difficult Circle to square because
you also know well [ __ ] clock's
ticking dude well hurry up think about
that so the older you get the higher
your bar is and the older a woman
gets the lower her bars because she's
running out of time so it puts you guys
in very difficult situations
right and there's this crazy societal
expectation like women's moms really put
on women like get you got to get married
like the second they're [ __ ] 11
they're like you got to get married you
got to have kids you gotta like this
pressure pressure pressure so I think
women
are I think women's greatest fear is
being alone not being with the wrong
person and our greatest fear is being
with the wrong person like I didn't meet
my wife until late for the same reason I
was like I don't want to settle I don't
want to be with somebody you like I
figured out more or less how to like
date and like I I I figured out like
kind of like what that person wanted and
I can kind of like be that version of
that but it didn't make me happy right
which I imagine you've probably gone
through in your life like you know you
probably had tons of different girls
you're like oh this girl needs a
listener oh this girl needs this and but
you're not being you so you're not going
to connect with that person but the
tricky thing is that women because
they're so afraid of being alone I think
a lot of them they end up being with
guys they don't really like and that's
what I think this like ick red flag
culturist if you heard of women all on
the internet talking about their icks
and their red
flags when you're with someone you don't
like everything about them is
irritating so you don't actually have
the ick
you're not there aren't actually red
flag oh I don't like a guy when it's
raining he raises his shoulders you know
I don't like a guy who like yawns with
without his can in his mouth like these
stupid things that really would never
impact how a girl feels about you you
just hate the guy you're with but you're
terrified of being alone because if you
like the guy that would be cute
everything we do is cute the amount of
like my wife watches me pick my nose
ball up the booger and just flick it out
of the play bin cuz I'm playing with my
daughter and she just like that was
disgusting and it's fine it doesn't
impact how much she loves me at all I'm
farting left and way I'm doing all these
disgusting red flag ick things but she
loves me so it doesn't matter you know
what I mean and I think that I think
that yeah like I I never understood this
like ick red flag culture I was like are
women just like annoyed with us what the
[ __ ] is going on no they don't want to
be alone and they're with guys they do
not [ __ ]
like it's a big it's a huge issue well
there's a problem someone gave me this
piece of advice not long ago uh as I
they said do you want to be a dad and I
said yes I can't wait to be a dad they
sort of wagged my waggled their finger
in in my face and they said make sure
that you fall in love with the girl not
the institution yeah and the point being
if you want to be a dad or if you want
to be a mom a lot great advice you can
what was it they said uh with
rose-colored glasses on red flags don't
look
red like if you just want the thing I
want to be a dad I want to be a mom I
want to be married I want to be not
alone whatever the thing that you want
you're able to ah not so big of a deal
and it's like you're not getting married
to marriage you're getting married to a
person you're not having a baby with the
process of childhood you're having a
baby with another human that's a great
piece of advice dude that is like yeah
that's magnificent and it's so true you
got to find that connection with that
person where even if you didn't have
kids you would be happy you just love
that person and then kids are these
blessings because that irritation will
build I'm sure you've dated people that
like you thought you like in the
beginning and then eventually it wasn't
there and it's just like every little
thing drove you [ __ ] crazy MH and
that we hopefully at that point we start
going I don't want to be with you or we
just treat him shitty which is the worst
version of it hoping that they'll like
uh it's the equivalent of you can't fire
me I quit but it's trying to get the
other person to realize that I'm not
going to fire you I'm going to make you
quit I'm going to be a coward that's
yeah yeah I had a I had a conversation
with a friend a little while ago and um
he had this sentence where he said uh
all my life I was worried that I was a
coward and then he had a bunch of a
sequence of really really tough events
happened to him he said you know I
always like surrounded myself with hard
men I always thought I was a bit of a
hard man and you know I did martial arts
and you know I was like around people
that were ex like Special Forces and
stuff like that it's like but I never
really really tested myself so and then
one day like the world came and I it
wasn't discomfort that I'd chosen it was
discomfort that was forced on me by the
world Maybe like having a fertility or
or or whatever and uh he said all my
life I'd heard my better self clearing
his throat in the room next
door and one day this thing happened and
he was like I wonder if he's going to
kick the door in and [ __ ] stop
coughing and come through he's like he
did that's good and uh but courage yeah
I think you can pretty
much like life your your life is kind of
restricted by the amount of Courage that
you're prepared to deploy and I mean how
many how long have everybody listening
to this stayed in relationships because
they were terrified of breaking somebody
else's heart that was dependent on them
or losing the love of somebody that they
felt it was unrequited and they needed
the validation of and yeah you're like
it's Noble and understandable and
sensitive and largely driven by fear and
cowardice yeah and if you had like you
know a cool question to ask yourself
would be what would I do if I had three
times The Bravery like what would I
do yeah what decisions would I make if I
was like three times as Brave as I am
yeah yeah a lot of times we think that
uh it's not a lack of Bravery but it's a
it's a it's too much
compassion you know like breaking up
with this person would be too hurtful
for them and we don't realize that like
being with them when you don't like them
is actually way more hurtful and we
don't even realize it's this bravery
deficit we're like ah I'm too I'm too
nice I'm just too nice I don't want to
hurt her yeah being yeah you're being a
[ __ ] and we've all been [ __ ] I've
been [ __ ] tons of [ __ ] times and
then with like retrofit justification
like no man she about being loyal and
committing to something it's like yeah
you do that when you find the right girl
when you find the right girl you commit
to it and you work everything out and
that is another thing too it's like
marriages you look at in movies and [ __ ]
like that and you think it's just oh
this is just going to be super sweet and
perfect and every single thing no no
it's [ __ ] hard when you do it with
the right person you're willing to work
through all those difficult times and
then you get confidence in your ability
to work through difficult [ __ ] you two
against the hard not you two against
each other before we continue if you've
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function health.com slod wisdom thank
you very much for tuning in ooh tasty
Andrew Schultz want the full meal from
that little appetizer right here full
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