Video summary
The speaker addresses a direct question regarding his feelings about being 36 and unmarried, clarifying that he does feel sadness over not having a life partner or children yet but expresses strong enthusiasm for becoming a father in the future. He acknowledges that while many of his friends have recently had kids or are pregnant, he has focused on different priorities during both his younger years and as he is now slightly less young. His primary goal is to avoid looking back with regret by ensuring he builds a family environment that is materially secure, emotionally supportive, and spiritually grounded before bringing children into the world. He emphasizes that one cannot accomplish everything simultaneously; instead, he has been working on setting himself up for future success so that his eventual family life will be built upon a solid foundation rather than rushed efforts while still learning to swim or fly metaphorically in his career. A significant portion of the discussion revolves around how different mentors have influenced his mindset and approach to life over recent months, specifically referencing figures named Seom Man (referred to as "Seum") and Chris. The speaker describes these two individuals as representing opposing forces within him, akin to good and bad angels sitting on one's shoulders. On one side is Alex, who urges the speaker to stop being difficult, deny feelings, work harder without pause, and simply keep going—a mindset that can lead to burnout if taken too far. This represents a high-pressure path where driven individuals constantly seek new challenges after achieving big exits or massive success, risking damage to their health or motivation if they cannot find enough stimulation. In contrast, the speaker identifies as being in a "Seum era" for the last six to twelve months, which coincides with a period of serious reflection on what he truly wants from life. This shift involves embracing emotions rather than fleeing them and listening to his inner needs instead of suppressing feelings just to push forward. He credits Chris with teaching him that emotional intelligence is crucial, specifically highlighting the bravery required to open up about these feelings to a future partner. The speaker notes that while Alex represents the drive for constant achievement, Seom Man teaches the importance of slowing down and living in a sustainable cadence rather than burning out before reaching one's goals or having children. The conversation concludes with the speaker acknowledging his intent to expedite his timeline toward settling down as best he can, recognizing that building a family requires more than just personal readiness; it involves creating specific conditions for success later on. He admits uncertainty about whether he could have achieved such self-reflection and emotional maturity while simultaneously trying to learn new skills or manage extreme career pressures alongside raising children. Ultimately, the speaker views his current journey as a necessary rebalancing act against external influences like "Homo's" (likely referring to Homo sapiens' instinctual drive for constant work) by integrating lessons from both mentors: maintaining ambition but also honoring emotional well-being and relationships. He ends with a humorous note about YouTube algorithms selecting this specific episode, suggesting that the content was bespoke for him, before reiterating his commitment to finding a sustainable path forward.
Read the full video transcript
do you feel sad about being 36 and
unmarried or without a life partner
don't you want children you would be a
good father well thank you for the nice
like tap on the back after you beating
me up and throwing me out the door uh do
I feel sad about being 36 and unmarried
or without a life partner don't you want
children I can't wait to be a dad uh I
really do want children the more that I
think about it the more that I spend
time around them a lot of my friends
have had kids recently or are pregnant
or whatever at the moment and uh I I'm
fir up for it but I focused on different
things when I was young and I focused on
different things when I'm slightly less
young as well and I hope I don't look
back and regret it I don't think that
I'm going to I'm intent on building a
family that I'm really going to love but
look you you can't do everything at once
and
uh I've hopefully done things that set
up the future family that I create to be
positions uh materially emotionally holy
[ __ ] even you know three years ago if I
look at the person I was forget forget
all of the objective metrics of
everything just the subjective way that
I showed up and what I knew about myself
and uh I've made a big difference and I
don't know whether I would have been
able to do that whilst learning to swim
or fly with a family at the same time uh
different people on different timelines
and um but I am aware and I am
Expediting the timeline as best I can
like it's not just the sort of thing
that you do on your own so yeah I'm
moving quickly Steph
vagan biggest thing you learned from
seom man I learned I've learned so much
from that guy he's been really formative
to me I think uh a an important
rebalance against homo's influence on me
it's like uh seom and Alex are the good
Angel and the bad Angel sat on either
shoulder like jacked as [ __ ] Angels um
you know Alex is telling me stop being
such a [ __ ] just work harder deny your
feelings you don't need to feel them
just keep going this is the challenge
that your future self will tell as a
story Chris is saying embrace the way
that you feel don't flee from your
feelings tell other people open up don't
work too hard spend time at the beach
and um he I've definitely been in a seum
era not a hosi era for probably the last
6 to 12 months or so this has coincided
with me reflecting more about sort of
what I want from Life certainly becoming
more uh serious about wanting to have a
family wanting to settle down wanting to
set myself up for the rest of life as in
create the kind of cadence of living and
working that I can do for a few decades
as opposed to having to find something
new to do like this is the thing if you
work really really hard and you blow up
as in get the Big Exit or or or achieve
the level of success and you never need
to work again or or you've got some sort
of a business that allows you to really
really step back if you're a driven
person you're just going to turn turn
yourself inside out trying to find new
challenges to do uh and the other route
if you were so that's if it goes right
but if it goes wrong you're burned out
and maybe you kick yourself out of the
game because you've damaged your health
or you've damaged your motivation or
you've lost passion for whatever the
industry was that you used to be in so
biggest lesson that I've learned from
Chris is emotions um to embrace them to
listen to them uh and
The Bravery to be able to open up to a
partner about them uh is yeah I mean
he's the king he's the absolute king of
it so do you think that your algorithm
on YouTube is a bit of a God is able to
know things about you that you don't
know about yourself well the YouTube
gods have selected this episode
specifically for you bespoke so go and
go and check it out