Video summary
The video presents a satirical yet informative defense of data centers, arguing that public concerns regarding their environmental impact are often exaggerated or misplaced. The speaker addresses the frequent criticism about water consumption by placing it in perspective against other massive industries and daily activities. While data centers do use significant amounts of water for cooling, this usage is comparable to that of average large office buildings and far less than sectors like agriculture, specifically the almond industry, which consumes exponentially more water per unit of product. Furthermore, the video clarifies that modern data center cooling systems reuse water repeatedly rather than wasting it, challenging the notion that these facilities are turning regions into arid wastelands.
Regarding electricity usage, the transcript explains that data centers currently consume less than five percent of total U.S. power, a figure that is already double what is used for air conditioning in homes and businesses. The speaker argues that increased demand from new technologies like electric vehicles or expanded data center operations does not lead to an apocalyptic energy crisis; instead, it simply necessitates building more power infrastructure, a process that has historically kept electricity prices competitive despite rising consumption. The video suggests that opposing data centers on the grounds of resource usage is akin to complaining about flour usage in bakeries or ore usage in steel mills, ignoring the fact that these inputs create outputs of greater value to society.
The discussion also tackles aesthetic and economic objections, noting that while data centers may appear as large, utilitarian boxes, they are functionally identical to other industrial warehouses used for storing goods like catheters or almonds. The speaker humorously suggests that if appearance is a concern, one could mandate decorative elements like ivy or gargoyles, but ultimately argues against the hypocrisy of opposing these structures while continuing to use the services they host, such as streaming media and navigation apps. Finally, the video concludes by addressing fears about AI scams and authoritarian planning, asserting that blocking construction based on speculative economic bubbles is a flawed strategy; instead, capital should be allocated prudently by investors rather than blocked by government mandates, emphasizing that data centers are the essential digital infrastructure required for the modern internet to function.
Read the full video transcript
Salutations. I am Heatonbot 5000 and I
have been sent back in time to your
benighted era from the distant year next
year for one specific reason.
Kill the dangerous Austrian maniac who
threatened to unite Europe and take over
the world.
Franz Ferdinand.
You're welcome. [cheering]
Anyway, I missed my turn on the way back
to the future. So while I'm here in the
past, I thought I would try to make you
feel better about the inevitable data
centers many of you are wetting your
old-timey analog pants over. Data
centers are fine. You don't need to
worry about them. Honestly, if I were
you, I would be way, way more worried
about dolphin pox
>> [music]
>> or the next global warlord, Chet Hanks.
So let's go over the major opposition to
data centers and why you should chill
out. First,
water. As of 2023, data centers consumed
46 million gallons of water per day.
When you factor in [music] water used by
power plants to provide electricity,
that number swells to 625 million
gallons per day. That is a huge amount
of water. By my calculations using a
standard clawfoot bathtub, I could have
gone back in time and drowned the
would-be tyrant Jimmy Hoffa 600 million
times.
And I did.
So it sounds like data centers will turn
[music] Virginia into Arrakis. Also,
idiots can make funny AI videos on
TikTok.
>> [laughter]
>> Anyway, [music]
the United States uses at least 322
billion gallons of water every day. Data
centers use only a fraction of that,
about 0.2%. Data centers use water, but
about the same as any other average
large office building. Country clubs
consume far more water than data centers
and more vodka. You know what else takes
more water than data centers? Leaks.
Drippy pipes use three times as much
water as data centers. Lawns use way
more water than data centers. Just
running sprinklers and irrigation
systems so idiots in Los Angeles pretend
they live in Vermont, that sort of thing
is 12 times as much as data centers. If
you're worried about data centers
consuming water, you should be terrified
of almonds. Not just because they
eventually achieve sentience to ally
with Chet Hanks and take over Toledo,
because they consume a mind-boggling
amount of water, far more than data
centers. It takes an entire gallon of
water to grow a single almond, just one.
A pound of almonds requires 400 gallons
of water. Add it all up and the almond
industry uses more than [music] six
times as much water as data centers do.
Also, almonds suck. They have all the
chewy texture of packing peanuts with
the flavor of restraint. The best thing
you can do with an almond is trade it
for a walnut. And while we're at it,
>> [music]
>> tapas are a scam, bunch of little plates
that you got to buy. Anyway, the almond
industry uses exponentially more water
than data centers. When we use AI to
make funny videos like this,
>> [music]
>> it uses somewhere between a shot glass
and a toilet flush of water, at most
between an almond and an almond and a
half, not even enough to sadden up your
trail mix. So, if you're not enraged at
almonds, and frankly you should be,
then you really, really don't need to be
worried about the water that data
centers [music] are using. And yes,
modern data centers do use water for
cooling, but they use the same water
over and over again, like a magical
toilet. What about electricity? Or as I
call it in the future, force bunk.
Presently, the states that have the
highest intensity of data centers,
[music] Virginia, Nevada, North Dakota,
and other locations I lost my virginity,
have no correlation with the price of
electricity. Virginia has 13% of the
data centers in America, and its
electricity is cheaper than the national
average. Rates have gone up over the
last 2 years, sure, but so's everything
else. That's inflation, not data
centers. I do understand the logic and
appreciate the concern. Data centers use
a lot of lightning juice, and in effect,
[music] a new data center popping up in
your city is like an entirely new city.
There's no way to do that without
somebody paying for it. Even so, this is
exactly what happens every time we come
up with new cool gadgets that use
electricity, like hospitals, telegraphs,
televisions, and refrigerators. [music]
They all increased electrical
consumption. It's not apocalyptic, we
just go, "Oh, I guess we need more
power." We build more to accommodate.
Electricity is cheaper today than it was
in the 1950s. And we didn't even have
OnlyFans back then.
>> I was thinking I'd vacuum [music] in
pearls today.
>> At last count, data centers use less
than 5% of all US electricity, whereas
air conditioning is double that. Which
is to say, [music] Americans devote at
least twice as much electricity to not
being sweaty than we currently devote to
all data centers combined. And nobody
seriously contests that Texas or Arizona
shouldn't be allowed to use air
conditioning units.
>> [music]
>> Have you ever met cranky, heat-addled
Texans? You know they have guns, right?
Picture your worst Texan. Now, imagine
they're hot and dehydrated. According to
estimates by the International Energy
Agency, data centers are on course to
eventually consume as much electricity
as we currently use on air conditioning.
That's it. That's the worst-case
scenario. It's air conditioning again.
But let's consider a hypothetical.
Presently, electric vehicles consume
less than 1% of our nation's Thorspark.
[music] Let's say tomorrow, everyone in
America hates gas-powered vehicles. We
all decide we're fed up with pouring
fermented dinosaur juice into a
combustion engine, and everybody
switches to electric cars. That would
take up a huge amount of electricity,
maybe 40% of the grid.
Would that be a good thing? If somebody
announced that a dozen new [music] steel
mills were opening in your state or some
other place that I lost my virginity,
nobody would complain that they used too
much ore. If a bakery opened up in your
neighborhood, would you get mad that
they used too much flour? Every industry
uses inputs. [music] The outputs are
more valuable than the inputs. And AI
isn't just funny videos like this.
It's also this good
And [music] we haven't even mentioned
porn yet.
Next, aesthetics. The tractors point out
that data centers are huge, ugly,
box-like buildings which blight out the
landscape.
>> [music]
>> You know,
like warehouses. There is no appreciable
aesthetic difference between a warehouse
that stores catheters, computers, or
almonds,
which are just coward wall-nut
warehouses by nature are big ugly
rectangles. There are very few rococo
distribution centers or coffee table
books about fulfillment and shipping
depots. If you're going to be against
data centers on the grounds that they're
ugly, you should be against Amazon and
all of the other big companies you hate
but will continue to use because you're
a hypocrite. Gang, if you're really
bothered by aesthetics, this is an easy
workaround.
>> [music]
>> From now on, all data centers have to
have ivy,
turrets, and gargoyles. I think we can
all agree
Loudoun County, Virginia would suck less
if it appeared to be dotted with haunted
castles. [music] That's a no-brainer. Or
if you're in Texas, you guys like
slapping beavers on things, maybe a
handgun. Florida could have
pirate-themed data centers and the
granola states could drizzle falcon
nests on top. Frankly, I think it'd be a
good idea if we took the entire budget
for the National Endowment for the Arts
and just have them add crazy statues and
murals to data centers. Like a statue of
the time I went back in time to kill
Clippy. What about taxes and subsidies,
you ask? I agree with detractors on this
one. State and local governments hoping
to attract new industries pass out
[music] tax advantages to potential data
centers luring them to root and breed in
their [music] territory. The state of
Virginia openly advertises a sales tax
exemption for networking equipment,
cooling systems, [music] and related
infrastructure I lost my virginity in in
hopes of luring prospective data centers
away from their ancestral nemesis,
Crinkly, Virginia. Qualifying data
centers can avoid paying Virginia sales
tax on servers, networking equipment,
cooling systems, and related
infrastructure. The Lone Star State
offers billions of dollars in sales tax
exemptions hoping [music] to lure data
centers away from the historic nemesis
of Texas, not Texas. When states give
[music] tax exemptions to specific
businesses, they have to raise revenue
by increasing taxes on other businesses
or cut spending. And they never ever cut
spending. I agree, crony capitalism
sucks. But our problem here is with the
government playing favorites and
shuffling around other people's money,
not data centers existing. Okay, but
what if AI turns out to be a big scam?
It's just auto fill with better PR and
it brings down the economy faster than
the Hindenburg.
Yeah, maybe. Maybe AI is a big bubble.
Like how everybody bought tulips [music]
in the year 2074 to celebrate the death
of the last human. That's an argument
for prudently allocating capital, not
allocating [music] building permits. If
you think it's a bad investment, by all
means put your money in something else.
But it's a bad idea to try to block
construction [music] projects based on
which industries we suspect will crater
or prosper. That kind of top-down
authoritarian central planning might fly
on an almond plantation, but it's not a
good way to run an economy. And maybe
you're thinking,
all right. Turns out data centers don't
use that much water or electricity.
Fine, but I just really, really hate AI
slop.
Fair enough. I can't [music] argue with
you about what you hate. All I will say
is this, data centers are used for AI,
but they're also used for anything on
your computer which is not actually
stored [music] on your computer. That
includes Google Maps, Spotify, Netflix,
and all of the tasteful nudes you think
you deleted. Data centers are what the
internet lives in. There's no cloud.
There's just digital infrastructure. So
you don't have to like every website,
app, or AI model that lives in them. But
opposing data centers because you
dislike AI is like opposing roads
because you hate cyber trucks.
>> [music]
>> And cyber trucks will become our
greatest allies against Chet Hanks. Now
if you'll excuse me, I have to go fight
the upgraded liquid metal version of
myself that's been sent back in time to
stop the Lindbergh baby from poisoning
Amelia Earhart.
Or maybe I'm [music] supposed to
strangle. I can't remember. I'm going to
kill everybody. Goodbye.