From 6.5 to 8.0: IELTS Writing Makeover

Meet Priyanka. Priyanka wants to move abroad, but she's stuck at 6.5 in IELTS writing. And today, we're going to go through her essay step by step and help her improve from a band 6.5 to a band 8 or even nine. The best part, this is a fully interactive lesson, so you can participate at home and choose the different options step by step and write your essay as well. So, without further ado, let's get into it. So the first thing that we're going to do is have a look at the question and you guys at home think about how you would answer this question. >> Okay. Any questions about that? Anything you're not clear about or want me to explain? >> No, it's pretty straightforward. >> Okay. So this question is a discuss both views and give your own opinion. >> So what it is asking you to do is discuss the first point of view. Some people think that there should be an age limit for cosmetic surgery. >> That's one point of view. And then the other point of view, others believe young people should have the freedom to choose what they do with their own bodies. So we're it's asking you to discuss both of those views and give your own opinion. So what we're going to do now is I'm going to give you some ideas. I want you to look at those ideas and think which ones are most relevant. Here is side number one should be an age limit. Here's side number two. People should have the freedom to choose. Here's one idea, two idea, three ideas. Have a look at them and think about which one would you choose? Do you think is most reasonable and is relevant to the question? Okay. So, the first one, not mature enough, basic human right. Do you think would this be the one that you would choose >> as the only explanation? >> Mhm. >> No. >> Why not? I don't think it's a basic human right. >> Mhm. So, you don't agree with it? >> No, >> I wouldn't I wouldn't classify it as a human right. >> Okay. >> A choice perhaps? >> What about just not mature enough? Could you use that or would is there any problems with that? >> I could use that if I could expand on it. >> Would it be easy to expand on? >> Agree. It could be a little complicated to >> Excellent. Great. It's vague. So, people just say, "Oh, they're not mature enough." Or the most vague thing you'll hear people saying it's my right or where that's just so vague that it becomes meaningless and it becomes difficult to um actually explain cuz remember that you have to explain it. You have to give examples on it on on the one that it's a basic human right and you disagree with that. Um you don't have to personally um agree with with anything. Often with these questions discuss both views, you will normally get one side that you really agree with and one side that you really disagree with. So where people get um confused is they think that oh I have to only talk about the side that I agree with. Um you don't have to do that. You can talk about um well people think that it's a basic human right but I don't agree with that at all and why you do. So but the reason why we wouldn't go for option number one here is um it is just too vague. So the second one, they can be influenced by social media and regret it later in life. Uh it can boo help boost someone's confidence. Do you think those are good ideas? So not ones that you agree with, but they are reasonable. >> They are specific. They're not vague. And you could explain them. You could think of examples for them. >> Yeah, I could with that. Yes. >> And what about these ones? It always damages young people's mental health. It always makes people happier. >> I think that's too uh far and on the end of the spectrum. too far left, too far right. Yeah. >> Always. >> Not always. >> Yeah. So, often people will take a very extreme view with this and they'll say they'll use words like always, like it always damages young people. Well, some people, yes. Other people, no. So, it's it's inaccurate to say it always. So, try not to be too extreme. Try not to be too vague. >> Mhm. >> The ones in the middle are specific, relevant, and you can back them up. you can explain them and you can think of an example. And the other thing is they're easy to write about and they're most importantly they're easy to understand. Another way to think about it is could you show those ideas and the question to a stranger out on the street? Would 99% of them understand you? >> Yeah, they would know what you're talking about. So >> yeah, >> number two. Good. Good choice. Next, we're going to look at three different approaches. I would like you just to read those three approaches and think about which one would be most appropriate just to remind you of the question. It's discuss both views and give your opinion. >> So have a look and think about which one you would use. >> What do you think about option number one? Write about your opinion on cosmetic surgery for young people. Would that be good or bad? Do you think? >> Uh it's incomplete. >> Why? >> Because it's missing discussing both sides. It's just jumping straight to the opinion. And this is a very common uh thing because people are under time pressure and they just see the general topic and they think, "Oh, what do I think about that topic and they just write everything they know about the topic and hope for the best." >> That is not the best approach. What about option number two? Write about what most people think about cosmetic surgery age limits. >> That's again incomplete because it's only touching upon one perspective when they've asked you to touch on both. >> So, >> excellent. And then option number three, >> uh that's pretty comprehensive. It talks about the uh first group of people who are against it and then people that are for it and then giving your opinion. >> Excellent. Next, I'm going to give you and you guys watching at home three different possible structures. So, think about what you need to do in this question. Look at the structures and think about does the structure actually help you answer the question properly? Because a lot of people online will say things like this structure guarantees a high score or something like that. We don't think about structures in that way. The way that we think about structures is does it force you or help you to do the things that the question is asking you to do? In other words, can the examiner look at that structure and understand yes, this person has answered the question. >> Mhm. >> Okay. Okay, let's talk about the ones you think are incorrect first. And why you think so? Structure one. >> Um, I wouldn't say incorrect. I would say it's again missing. >> Okay. >> Um, >> what's it missing? >> The uh restating the opinion at the end. >> Yeah. So, there's no there's an opinion here. >> Mhm. >> But you briefly will give it because remember your introduction, you're not going to go into a lot of detail. So if you briefly give your opinion here and then you don't really discuss it here, there's nothing and then you don't discuss it here. It's just not enough. What other structure do you think is missing something? >> Uh the third one. >> Why? >> Because it just talks about the freedom view and not >> Yeah. >> what you disagree with. So it's just >> Yep. Excellent. So this one, so you've stated your your opinion here. Paraphrasing the question is going to help you discuss both views. You've discussed view number one. You've discussed view number two. By stating why you disagree with that and why you agree with that one, you've given your opinion and you've given your opinion here. So in every part of the structure, you're doing those three things. So introduction, you're doing those three things. Conclusion, you're doing those three things. And in the main body, you're doing those three things. Might look a little bit complicated. So I've done something extra for you. So, it's a basic four paragraph structure. Introduction at the start, conclusion at the end, and two main body paragraphs. >> What we're going to do in the first main body paragraph is we're going to talk about the one we disagree with. It's just easier to say, I disagree with this one and here's the one I agree with. Every time we show this structure, people say like, well, can I put the positive first and then talk about the negative? You can do whatever you want. This is the structure that we have tested with thousands of students and it not only helps them improve their scores, but it's just the easiest way for them to do it. It's the way that leads to fewer mistakes. So, if you want to do what you want to do, that's fine, but I would recommend just following this exactly the way it is. If we look at the introduction here, we paraphrase the question and then we say, "Here is viewpoint number one. [clears throat] Other people think this, but this is the one you disagree with." And then you're going to talk about viewpoint number two. This is the one that you agree with. And then you're going to state your opinion. In this one, you're going to take this and bring it down here. You're going to say, "Other people think this. Here's why they think this. Here's an example of them thinking this, but I don't agree with it. Here's why I disagree." Then you're going to take this one and talk about it here. Here's what other people think about this. here's why they think it. Here's an example of them. And here's why I agree with them. And then in your conclusion, you're going to say in conclusion, although other people think this, I agree with these people because they think it this way. It's a little bit complicated to get your head around first, but it just comes with practice. Once you practice it and get feedback on it, um it'll become second nature. Also, do not use this structure for other types of questions. This is just for discussion questions. What I've done is I put all these structures into one PDF for you for all the different types of questions. If you go below into the description, click on the link there, you can download it for free. It's our gift to you. So, what we're going to do is we're just going to add our ideas here to create our plan. So, don't worry about paraphrasing the question. We'll look at that in a second. Um, but think of the two main ideas. Write just a couple of notes here so that you can look at them when you're writing your introduction and you it keeps you on track. >> So what would you write here and here? >> Impulsive >> based on trends. >> Okay. Yep. And you want to add social media in there just when you start writing >> Mhm. >> you want to make sure that um you're staying on track. So just add enough information so that you can quickly look at that. Don't think, okay, I'm the person that wrote that and when I start writing for real, I'll remember that exactly. Add enough detail so that you could just look at that quickly. Another way to think about it is, could you make notes today, >> go home, go to sleep, come back tomorrow, and write your essay. Is there enough detail in there? >> But you won't have time on test day to to write a huge amount. So kind of balance time with detailed enough notes. Uh next one. Okay. So we have freedom of choice. >> Mhm. >> This is a very common um framework [clears throat] for a lot of things in life. Um the government should regulate it or people should be free to choose. So that's that's great but pick one side. So do you think that the government should become involved and make laws about this or do you think no people should have the freedom to choose? Which one do you agree with? Okay. Freedom of choice. And what I would do is I would just link that. So just make it super clear. This is viewpoint number two. >> Mhm. >> And that's you done. Some of you at home might be thinking like, will I actually have time to do that? If you go and look at our success story interviews where we interviewed people who got a band seven, eight or nine in writing, the thing that they say the most more than anything else is whenever they started spending more time on planning, they actually got higher scores because you won't get lost. You'll know exactly what to write. Best way to think about it is like Google Maps for your essay. So to get here today, I used Google Maps. If I didn't have Google Maps, I would still be walking around the city completely lost. So, what we're going to do now is we're going to fill the rest of it out. So, what I would do is I would just check everything and make sure that it first of all, your explanation is logical. Like, could you explain that to a 10-year-old and would they understand you? I think definitely. >> And is your example easy to understand, easy to explain? I think uh Instagram is if you asked 100 people um why do a lot of people get stuff done, Instagram would be probably number one. Um so the most common example is normally the most straightforward and easy to explain. So good. And then just double check that you disagree. Yeah, you disagree. And the reason that you've given is >> uh because young adults have plenty of resources to research the procedures before they make their decision. >> So what you're trying to say is that they can make their own decisions. >> Yeah. >> They can make their own informed decisions. Okay, good. I'm happy with that. Uh let's do this one. >> Okay. So why should people have the freedom to choose? uh because sometimes insecurities can be overwhelming for people. So having the power to choose and make that informed decision helps people get out of feeling terribly about something of the way they look. >> And can you think of a common example? >> A lot of people that I know personally get bullied about their nose. So for them uh getting a simple procedure like a rhinoplasty is not just a change in their physical appearance but is also a huge change in >> just you know the trauma associated with being bullied for your nose. >> So >> and you agree with that? Why do you agree with that? I agree with that because I think if a small procedure like that, if it's done with a lot of research, can actually do a lot to improve the person's psychological standing >> and can just help them be more confident in their own skin. >> And I like the fact that you chose rhinoplasty because a it is a very common procedure. a lot if again if you went out and spoke to a 100 people out on the streets and said what what's a common cosmetic procedure rhinoplasty would probably be um at the top of the list or near the top of the list so it's easy for you to explain that and and write about it but also you personally know people who have done this so you can relate to that um so it's easier for you to write about that so it's not about picking the most impressive idea or or the most advanced thing often it is just like what do I know about this topic and writing about that so if you know about that that that's fine you can write about that we have a lot of notes here on test day you might not be able to fill this out to the extent that you have so for example if we just looked at that you would be able to probably just write explanation psychological problem [clears throat] >> or uh change psychological issue or make them feel better just like three or four words and then example just rhinoplasty >> or nose. >> Um if if you have a lot of time on test day, you could make more notes. It's up to you how you feel about that. Some people like to spend more time adding to the notes and doing all their thinking before they start writing. Other people like to just write things like rhinoplasty, mental health, and that is a guide for them. We surveyed our most successful students and uh the most successful students on average spent about 10 minutes on this. Now you might think that that's not enough time to write but if you spent 10 minutes planning and then 5 minutes at the end that leaves you 25 minutes for writing that is actually quite a lot of time if you are just copying this cuz you've done all of your thinking first and then you're going to just focus on writing and you won't get lost. So you're just going to continue to write. So the first thing we want to write is our paraphrase. So what I would like you to do is take the question. When you're paraphrasing, >> it's important to have the question in front of you. All right? Um and always be looking at it. So what I would like you to do is take the question, ignore the discuss both views and give your own opinion. >> Take the question and just paraphrase it. Nowadays, cosmetic surgery is becoming more popular among young adults. Full stop. only paraphrase that first sentence. You're not you're going to do other things with the other sentences. Presently, plastic surgery is gaining precedence among young people. Okay. So, not bad. A good start. Is plastic surgery the same as cosmetic surgery? >> There can be cosmetic surgery that's not plastic surgery. >> Mhm. >> Like injectables. >> Mhm. Is there any plastic surgery that is not cosmetic surgery? >> Yes. If it's reconstructive, >> if someone's [clears throat] been in an accident, god forbid, or they've had some sort of injury to their face or their body. >> So, the question is about cosmetic. Cosmetic is mostly just trying to look better or or look different. Um whereas plastic surgery includes cosmetic surgery, but it could also include as you say reconstructive surgery. Reconstructive surgery is not so much to make someone look pretty. Um, so you need to be very careful about the meaning of words when you change it. >> I would not actually put plastic surgery on most examiners. You probably would get away with it, but you might get a very mean examiner who's like, "Well, plastic surgery and cosmetic surgery are not the same thing." >> Um, so you need to be very careful with that. If I was you on test day, I would just say cosmetic surgery. Now, some people at home would would say, "Oh, but you can't repeat the word." If you have a choice between A repeating the word, B changing it to something like plastic surgery that's technically wrong or C spending 5 minutes worrying about it and stressing about it. Just copy the word. Mhm. >> Uh similar to gaining precedence. Gaining precedence doesn't mean the same thing as becoming more popular. What does precedence mean? >> Uh it's one step above the others. >> Yeah. It's becoming number one. It's becoming the most important. So this is not about cosmetic surgery becoming the most important thing in people's lives. It is just it is gaining in popularity. More people are doing it. So if you kept plastic surgery is gaining precedence what you are saying is recently plastic surgery which is not the same as cosmetic surgery is becoming the most important thing amongst young people >> that fundamentally changes the meaning of the sentence. So paraphrasing, the first thing that the examiner is going to think about is not did they change every word. The first thing they're going to think about is does this sentence mean the same thing as this sentence? And it doesn't. >> The other issue is young people. Does it mean the same thing as young adults? >> No. Young people could be children. >> Young adults are >> over the age of 18. >> So cosmetic surgery for children, that's a whole other can of worms. That's a whole other question. don't want to open that can of worms. >> So, you're including children in that and it's very it's very vague. >> So, what I would like you to do is >> copy this, >> make this simpler and make this a little bit more precise. Okay. So, try again. Okay. So recently more people between the ages of 18 to 25 are choosing to have cosmetic enhancements. Would you normally in normal everyday conversation say people between the ages of 18 to 25? >> Would I in a in an everyday situation say that? >> Mhm. So, if you were to describe um young adults, >> right, >> and you were talking in any context, would you say, "Hey, I noticed that people between the ages of 18 to 25, you're talking to your mom about about something >> specific." >> Yeah. And it's a little bit awkward >> and maybe a little bit imprecise. >> So, because you know, >> do you stop being a young adult at 25? Are you a young adult of 26? you know, are you a young adult at, >> you know, 18 or 17 or 19? You know, it differs from country to country. >> I see what you're trying to do. >> I see that you're trying to change young adults. And this is technically correct, but again, I would just copy young adults. So, recently more young adults. So, more people are choosing to have instead of becoming more popular. >> Mhm. That's absolutely fine cuz it means the same thing. It's becoming more popular. More people are doing it. That's the definition of of popular. And you chose cosmetic enhancements again. Why did you decide to go with cosmetic enhancements instead of just repeating cosmetic surgery when we already talked about that? >> I mean, I didn't want to repeat the same >> words again. >> So, can does cosmetic enhancements mean the same thing as cosmetic surgery? >> No. >> Because there's so many procedures Yeah. that that are not surgical and that the question is talking about specifically going under the knife. So it's it's it's changing the meaning. So you went with option number one which is changing the meaning. Option number two would have been spend more time trying to think about how to change it. Can you think of any other way of saying cosmetic surgery than cosmetic surgery >> without changing the meaning? It's tough. >> Yeah. >> Option number three is repeat the word. M >> so I think if you change this to young adults just repeat the word and just repeat the word here. This is a great example of if you gave this to a 100 students 90 of them would change at least something to something inaccurate >> which which is very bad. Let's say 10 of them would spend so much time worrying and stressing about this that they're 15 20 minutes into the test and they haven't even finished their first sentence. This is why we tell people if you can't think of something and you're under time pressure, just repeat the word. So, what I would like you to do is just follow those rules and write it out one last time. You've changed nowadays to recently means the same thing. >> Young adults, you've copied that. It means the same thing, but you've copied that more are choosing. It's becoming more popular and you've copied cosmetic surgery. So, what the examiner is thinking is number one, does this mean the same thing as this? Yes, it does. >> Mhm. >> Have you changed enough words? So, you've copied say this phrase and this phrase, but the rest of them that you've changed, that is enough change. The vocabulary and grammar are accurate and you've changed enough. You've said it in your own words. So, that is very good. And this is an example of a student with very very good English who is just following advice that is wrong or myths about the test like never repeat a word. You need to change it to everything to something different. So someone with very very good English could not only struggle with paraphrasing but eat into their time and then that means the rest of their essay um isn't as good as it could be. Because some of you might be watching this and thinking, "Brank is very, very good at English. How is she getting 6.5?" Here's a classic example of how somebody could do that. I just like to jump in and offer you the chance to actually get the same feedback and the same type of help with us. Now, normally that costs hundreds of dollars on our VIP course, but I'd like to offer you the chance to get one-on-one feedback from me and for me to design a whole study plan for you for just $10. It normally costs $147 for the feedback and the study plan. For today only, you can get that for just $10. If you would like that, go to the description, click on the link, pay your $10, and within 24 hours, you will get your full essay assessed by me personally, and a full study plan. Click on the link to get your diagnostic. So, a good introduction should have your paraphrase, you've already done that, and then we're going to do these three things, which is briefly outline viewpoint number one, briefly outline viewpoint number two, and state your opinion. You're not going to add any detail. All you're doing is just introducing the ideas, introducing the arguments. So the structure that you can use is paraphrase, full stop. Okay. Some people believe this, others argue that. I believe this. You're doing thing one, thing two, thing three. So recently more young adults are. So we got the paraphrase down. Some believe this should be age restricted because social media >> influences irreversible decisions. >> Okay, good. So, your main point is that not only is it social media that you can't take it back. So, they're trends, but um it's not a trend if you change your face or change something about your body. Good. Others argue that young people should have the freedom to choose because it >> improves mental health. >> Mental health. Good. So, you've outlined both and then given your opinion. I believe young adults should have this freedom because the mental health benefits outweigh the risks. Good. So, you've actually given your opinion on both. >> Mhm. >> In this statement. Don't worry if there's not enough detail or anything like that. That's not what it's supposed to do. But a [snorts] good test is could you cut that out with the scissors and hand it to a stranger on the street with with the question and would they understand what you think about that question? >> And I think they would. I want you to write your first topic sentence. So what you're going to do is on the one hand, comma, and then you're just going to write out your first main idea. Remember we're talking about other people some believe. So you can write on the one hand some believe and then the second one on the other hand others believe. So you're always keeping it I'm discussing what other people think and then you're going to put your opinion later. Okay. On the one hand some believe age limits are necessary due to social media's influence. Excellent. Imagine we are explaining this to a 90-year-old woman who knows nothing about this topic. She's never heard of plastic surgery or Instagram or a 10year-old who doesn't know anything about this. How would you explain that to them? Don't be afraid of patronizing them or talking down to them. Like actually try to do that. You know, that's why I say a 10-year-old or a 90-year-old. A lot of people don't want to write in that way cuz they think it's like patronizing cuz you're writing to to someone who knows about this. Be patronizing. [laughter] Like this is what this means. This is why people do it. >> Why do people think this? All right. Why do other people think this? >> Young people spend hours daily on social media >> seeing unattainable beauty standards. So, I really like this sentence because you've explained what social media is and why social media can influence that. You're not assuming that the person reading this knows what social media is and how it influences that. So again, this is why we say talk to them as if they're a 9-year-old or or a 90-year-old because it forces you to write in that way, which is actually an unusual way to write to be that clear cuz as I say, people are afraid to do that, which >> pressures >> pressures them. So again, they watch it and then this so you're you're linking everything together. So this is what I think. Here's why. Here's why. Here you you're creating a logic logical argument which is perfect which pressures them to to match these ideals >> through medical procedures. >> However, >> many young adults cannot perceive that these procedures are permanent and often irreversible. >> Good. Another way to think about this is why? Why? Why? Imagine a really annoying kid just, you know, have you ever met a kid that just like why? Why? Why? They imagine that annoying kid just constantly asking you why is this a problem? Why is do they believe this? Why is that? [snorts] And that's forces you again to write very very clearly. This is excellent. So now we need to back this up with an example. The most obvious example is Instagram. So just write for example I want to write about Instagram link Instagram to the question or to [clears throat] the main point. >> Mhm. >> Okay. So for example many celebrities on Instagram use filters to change their facial features. >> Setting trends only achievable through surgery. >> Good. So you not only used Instagram, but you were very specific about how does Instagram actually influence people. So these celebrities are using filters which aren't real. Everybody's looking at that and thinking, I want to look like them. So they can't just use filters in real life. They have to use surgery. Good. And it's irreversible. So finally, we need to finish this off with our opinion, but we need to disagree. Sometimes when I've worked with students, they they find it difficult to disagree with things. Um, often they come from uh um educational backgrounds where it's it's not the done thing or it's not a the usual thing to disagree with someone or have a very strong opinion on why you disagree. And I found a way to get around that is to have a kind of fake argument. So I say something and imagine you are upset with me, you're angry with me, how would you disagree with me? How would you win the argument? So, I say to you, okay, your cosmetic enhancement is makeup. You only wear makeup because you you seen social media, you're looking at celebrities. Is that correct? >> No. I have a damn mind of my own. I can do as I like and I wear makeup because I want to wear makeup. >> Uhhuh. >> And not because of the internet or social media. >> Write that. There you go. [laughter] I disagree with this because it assumes adults are unable to make informed decisions and that social media >> controls their choices which is not the case for most people in India. Is it taught in school to disagree with stuff in that way or is it more diplomatic? Cuz in other cultures it's for example my wife is from Vietnam. I don't know what it's like these days, but when she was in school, you didn't have very strong opinions on stuff and you didn't disagree with with with people. Um, so you you took a far more balanced approach. And many of the people that I teach who grew up in that kind of environment, not that there's anything wrong with it, they they really struggle with this type of question because they they can't take a a strong stance and it leads to quite a vague essay and and it really leads to them not giving their own opinion. Is that the case in India? I don't know. >> Academically perhaps not because when a question is asking you specifically to like show you to explain both sides or something then you're more inclined to do it. But then again, you would not it may not be socially acceptable to say that one particular thing is wrong. >> So people will maybe be a little bit softer or a bit more diplomatic. >> But if you think about the average IEL student, they're not writing academic essays all day long. Um it's quite an unusual thing. >> Um so their life experience 99.99% of it is don't give very strong opinions and disagree with people. So they find it quite difficult. Um, so it's interesting different how different cultures write essays and and argue things. Um, again, not one is right or one is wrong, but it's good to be aware of that. How did you how is your educational background influencing how you write essays? I've helped you enough. What I want you to do is write your second main body paragraph. And I'm not going to help you at all. >> On the other hand, young adults should have this option because of the mental health benefits. >> I just say on the other hand, others believe because again, we're talking about other people. Mhm. >> So, on the other hand, others believe young adults should have this option because of the mental health benefits. Great. Now, explain it to a 10-year-old. >> Mhm. Those who elect for surgery do so because they feel inadequate. >> Mhm. So, you've explained why they feel that way. So, imagine why do they do that? Why do they Good. >> Which destroys their self-confidence. explaining why that that is. Again, explaining it bit by bit, building that logic >> and limits their social and professional lives. >> Good. Explaining the impact that that has. So, it's just you see it's just like building blocks trying to build an argument. Good. >> By enhancing their appearance, they gain confidence and improve their mental well-being. >> Mhm. And then an example of that >> for instance rhinoplasty is one of the most common procedures because people feel their noses prevent them from dating or excelling professionally. I agree because people should control decisions that improve their well-being. >> Good. So you've done everything. You've stated the main idea. You've explained it logically. You've given a very clear example and you've stated your opinion. We just need to finish it off with a conclusion. Now, one way that you can do that is look back to your introduction. >> Mhm. >> And think about how could you paraphrase this. So, the conclusion is basically just saying here's what I think again and here are the main ideas again. And you've already done that in your [clears throat] introduction. So, start here in conclusion and summarize both sides and give your opinion again. So, can you read your conclusion? >> In conclusion, although some believe age limits protect young people from impulsive social media influence decisions, I disagree because this underestimates their ability to make informed choices. Young people should have the freedom to choose cosmetic surgery because it provides significant mental health benefits and improves their confidence and quality of life. So, could someone read that conclusion and understand what you think about both sides and what your opinion is? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I totally agree. And does it match what is in the rest of your essay? >> Mhm. >> Yeah. So, it's an excellent conclusion. So, now we finished that. It's not over yet. There's two things we need to do. One is if we have time, try to improve the vocabulary. There's two ways that we could improve the vocabulary. One would be to take simple words and convert them into more advanced language because often when we're writing we're we're using simpler words if we're not think if we're not trying to use more advanced words. >> But we should only do that if it is 100% sure that changing that word is correct. Don't take any chances. Mhm. >> The second thing I think the thing that you could improve about the vocabulary is there is some opportunity for you to change some of the words, vary them a little bit because you've repeated the same words. For example, people is in there sort of six or seven times in in the essay as a whole. Social media, adults, there's a few different words that we could vary. Again, only if you have time and only change it to things that you're 100% sure about. And there are two techniques that you could use. One would be during the planning stage. Think about common words that might come up. So for this essay, it would be social media. That was one of your main ideas. Young people, it's in the question. How could think about how you could vary that before you even start writing. Some people prefer that technique. um because people like me that like to focus on one thing at a time, but other people like to just focus on let's get it all done and then look at the essay at the end and if there are some words that you could change, change it. It's not a huge problem for you, but that would be the one thing that I would say. And then we talked about before where we did an essay, you had an issue with punctuation. Sometimes your um full stops are not as clear as they could be. For example, here you do this like little fancy full stop. Um, not all examiners will will see that and and think like this is definitely a full stop. And sometimes you don't capitalize your words at the end. I didn't notice that this time cuz I think we we talked about that and you've you've reviewed that and improved upon that. But your grammar is excellent. Following this structure and just thinking very clearly about it and simplifying everything that has actually improved your grammar. Not everybody is good at thinking about ideas and structure and grammar and vocabulary all at the same time. That is very very difficult. But by planning everything out and doing all of your thinking first, it means that when you're writing, you can just focus on writing everything out, which is massively improved your vocabulary and your grammar. Any questions before we finish? >> Um, no. >> Massive improvement compared to the first video. If you would like to see the first video, you can click here and you can see the difference in a few months of preparation.