Former Drug Addict Explains How to Completely Turn Your Life Around | Doug Bopst on Impact Theory

I felt like I have lived two different lives. I really feel like I died in jail and was reborn in a weird way because I look at myself now and I don't really remember that person back then. I mean, I surely have memories, but [music] when I look at pictures, I'm like, "Who is that guy?" And I think in life we can't [music] change the past, right? We can only learn and grow from it. So, there's no sense in like harping [music] on the stakes you made. They're done. I always say fail more because if you, you know, never made a mistake, it means you never tried. If you never tried, it means you never took a chance. [music] If you never took a chance, you never believed in yourself. You never had faith. And faith, we need faith. You need to believe in yourself and it doesn't matter how many times you failed. What matters is you keep getting up every day and trying again. And that's what really is important at knowing that, [music] you know, each day you have an opportunity to change. [music] Everybody, welcome to Impact Theory. Today's guest is a former felon and drug addict who was found guilty and sentenced to jail for possession of narcotics with an intent to sell. He's also, however, living proof that no matter how far and hard you fall, there is always a way to build back to a beautiful life. Growing up in a highly dysfunctional, broken home and facing intense bullying in school, he turned to drugs at the age of 14 to numb the pain. And it worked, just not for long. And soon enough, he went from smoking weed to graduating to harder drugs like Percocet, cocaine, and OxyContin. He was using so heavily that the constant snorting actually eroded away part of the inside of his nose. And to make matters worse, he ended up having to sell drugs to afford the outrageously expensive opioids he needed just to get out of bed. During this time, he watched multiple friends die from causes related to drugs and alcohol, and he himself assumed he wouldn't live to to his 25th birthday. But luckily, all of the bad choices came crashing down on him when he was pulled over with a half pound of weed, a scale, and thousands of dollars in cash in his car. He was arrested and sentenced to jail, and while he thought it would be the end of his life, it actually ended up being a whole new beginning. He had a cellmate who was obsessed with fitness and who pushed him to be a better man. He took it to heart, got clean, dove headlong into fitness, and he stayed sober now for over a decade. He's written three books around addiction and how to turn your life around, and he's on a mission to help others do exactly that. So, please, help me in welcoming the author of The Heart of Recovery, trainer and fitness personality Doug Bopst. What's up, dude? How you doing? Thank you. Thank you. Sure. So, welcome to the show, my man. Thanks, man. I mean, I tell you what, those intros are amazing. I got to start bringing you with me on my dates. I think I'd have more [laughter] luck. Dude, we'll get you locked down ASAP, no question. Now, what I want to know is how the hell do you rebuild from feeling the sense of worthlessness that you had? You said that part of the reason that you were doing drugs was you had all this emotional pain, you'd made all these mistakes, all the mistakes were compounding, and getting sober was always having to face that, and that became the really hard part. And this may make sense, I hope. I met a guy who used to really stutter, and he said, "Tom, the hardest part of stuttering is just beginning the getting the spiral going in the opposite direction, because stuttering makes you worry you're going to stutter, which makes you stutter more, which then, you know, makes it almost impossible to start moving in the opposite direction. And I imagine it's the same with getting down on yourself. It just compounds. So, how'd you get that going in the opposite direction?" Well, you know, fitness really saved my life when I was in the depths of despair, when I was incarcerated on felony drug charges. And up until that point, I was the most unhealthy person you could think of. I was managing um, some trauma with some super unhealthy ways such as, you know, drugs, alcohol, all that stuff. Um, my life was really spinning out of control and so what really helped me was when my cellmate took me looked me in the face and he said, "Doug, you're going to be a man or you can be a bitch." Cuz I was complaining to him when I was in jail. I was like, "Dude, I have so many problems. Um, I my parents are this, my friends are this. I was bullied, I was picked on, I was all kinds of made fun of." And he's like, "Well, Doug, like [ __ ] you made the choices in those situations that got yourself incarcerated." And I was like, "Well, what do you mean?" And he was like, "You're here, aren't you?" And I really believe, Tom, that we're not defined by our circumstances. We're defined by the choices we make in response to our circumstances. And he said, "When I was in jail, you know, he's like, you can be a man and look yourself in the mirror and say, 'You know what? Take responsibility for yourself. You got yourself here. You're here right now. And, um, you can, you know, man up and do what you need to do to get better or you can be a [ __ ] go cry in the corner, blame everybody for your problems, say, 'Woe is me.'" And where I came from, where I grew up, I mean, being called a [ __ ] isn't cool. And I was like, "You know what? I'll take the opportunity of being a man." And at first it was really hard for me because when you're in jail, all the masks come off, right? You know, the mask of, you know, trying to fit in, the mask of trying to to, you know, deal with your insecurities, the mask of dealing with your all these masks. And it was just me and my problems and looking at this kid who was 50 lb overweight. And my cellmate was like, "You're going to start working out with me." And this guy was like the more jacked version of Brad Pitt from Fight Club. Like literally. And I had no idea what was going to transpire because before that I had never formally exercised. And I remember, you know, finally after watching him just do crazy amounts of push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups, he was like, "You're going to start working out with me." And I just at first was like, "No way." And then, um, after weeks of him bothering me about it, I decided to give it a chance and said, "You know what? I also have to lose. I can sit here, play spades, play pinochle, play Scrabble, or I can try and better myself and invest in myself. And I think there's no better decision you can make to invest in your health and I want to stop you there. I know there's no better thing you can do than to invest in yourself. And I think that people get that on paper, but I I want to really look at that moment because here's the heartbreaking punchline is Eric does not end up getting his own life together, but he's able to transform you. And if you can capture what you were thinking in that moment where you're like [ __ ] my life is over. I feel really shitty. I'm sober now. Which you did just cold turkey. Right. And how do you cuz this is that downward spiral I'm talking about. So this is the first time you wake up from the sort of stupor of drugs to whoa, I've made some horrific choices. I'm not happy with how I've managed the relationships with my parents and I'm not happy with manipulating my brothers into giving me money. I mean there's like a lot of heavy [ __ ] sitting on you. And so what I don't understand is how and why you were able to look at him. Was it like he just looks rad? Is it that he was so intense? Like what was it that made you click something over in your mind? Because that like the reason I'm going to make you find this answer even if you don't have it on tap is somebody watching right now. They're in that spot. They have a sense of hopelessness. They want to do better, but they're they don't. I think it was because he believed in me at a point where I didn't even believe in myself. And I think sometimes in our lives when we're feeling that hopelessness and we're in that rat race of just feeling sorry for ourselves and saying you know life's never going to get better. It's tough. And I think especially when we don't believe have that belief in ourselves. When somebody says I believe in you and you can do it and I'm going to help show you the way to get you started. I was like I never had anybody do that to me before. That unconditional love and I just felt like this void being filled from you know whether it was the friends I had that were just using me for drugs or whether it was my relationship with my parents. And that to me was just like what really kick-started that belief in me and inspired me to take a chance to get down and do a push-up. And when I couldn't do a push-up, he looked me in the face. I was like I was like, "Eric, why can't I do a push-up?" He's like, "Cuz you're [ __ ] fat." I'm like, "I know, but like why can't He's like, "You're [ __ ] fat. Like how else do you want me to say it? You're fat." And I needed to hear that. And I needed to look at myself and be like, "I got myself here." And it was him believing in me and me seeing that the slight progress in me being able to do a a push-up, two push-ups, three push-ups that I was like, "Wow, I can start to achieve things if I put my mind to it." Because whether we believe we can or we believe we can't, right? It's the same answer. And for me, I always believed that I couldn't. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not. And And Eric was like, "Get your ass down there and do a push-up. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going." And it reminds me a lot of I was watching Creed II on the way out here. And it reminds me of Rocky training um Creed when he's going back to fight the Russian and just, you know, he didn't want to keep going. He didn't want to keep going, but he believed in him enough to to really like pick him back up and keep training. That's what my cellmate was like for me in jail. God, it's so interesting. I really hate that answer. And I know from hearing your story that that really is the truth. The reason that I hate that answer is because it is so hard to make sure that everybody has that person that believes in them. Like I try to put belief out in the world like just telling people even without having met you. Like I know you can do it. And um I'm working on a book right now and I am obsessed with conveying that notion to people that the reason that you should believe that you can do it is because humans are meant to grow and adapt. Like literally epigenetics. That is what we're designed to do is to respond to our environment to improve. So, setting that aside cuz we're not going to be able to give everyone the gift of somebody who's right there with them that will push and encourage them. Thankfully you had that, but then what is the process underlying that? Like so for instance, even just to juxtapose Eric who was that for you, but could not be that for himself, cuz I would say, and I'm super interested to hear what you think, that he didn't have the process. He didn't have the things that he needed to do, whether it was changing his friends, whether it was a belief around drugs. I I I don't know him, so I've no idea. But, what was the process that you used that people can take and apply to their own life? I mean, it was really for me it was faith, family, and fitness. And I don't mean like to get all spiritual, but faith for me was I believe in God, but it was like the blind faith. I know you talk a lot about blind faith. I had to really, really believe in myself, even though I internally shouldn't have, right? The odds were stacked against me, but I had to keep believing if I knew that if I could just become a better version of myself each and every day that I had faith that things would like get better moving forward. though? So, you go from And this this is the transition. This transition, the thing that you did, is what will change people's lives. But, how the [ __ ] did you do it? So, you go from it's everybody else, it's not me, to suddenly really taking on extreme ownership. Well, it was when Eric looked at me and he said, "You can either be a man or you can be a [ __ ] and you chose to get yourself arrested. Like, you chose to sell drugs. You chose to use drugs in response to your circumstances, so you it's your responsibility to change. Like, no one's going to do it for you. You have to look at yourself in the mirror." And I'm one of those guys I'm a sponge for like knowledge. Like, I even today like I'm just a sponge to learn from people, and that to me was like, "You know what? I don't know everything, so I need to seek out somebody who does." And obviously at that moment was my cellmate. And and so when I just decided to really start putting my mind to it and keep continuing working out, keep doing push-ups, and listen to what Eric told me, my belief system changed. Like, I had confidence in myself. I felt better. I Why? I just felt like better about myself when I was stressed out and using exercise as a way to cope with that, because before Was it like endorphins? Is that what we're talking about? Or was it seeing progress? Like, what was the thing that was feeding that belief? I think it was a combination of the endorphin rush and seeing progress and knowing that like goals like can correspond with anything whether you're in fitness, whether you're in life, whether you're at your job and I just saw that okay, I couldn't do a push-up from my knees. Now I can do a set of five, now I can do a set of 10 and so on and so on. It just like the feel good dopamine rush hit me and was like, "You know what Doug, you can do things you never thought you could do because exercise forces you to get comfortable being uncomfortable and doing things you really don't like doing." I hated getting down in front of a bunch of grown men and doing push-ups when I couldn't do a push-up. I hated running around the the common area in there while everybody else was kind of sitting. I hated it cuz everyone was looking at me and feeling like like what are they looking at? But in my mind I knew I wanted to do whatever it took, whatever it took to change my life. And then it was just day by day things started getting better. I was like, "Wow, progress. I can do a set of 10 push-ups. I'm feeling better about myself. I actually feel like I have a chance to make it." And so faith was a big part of it. And then family and I believe Let's go a little deeper on faith because um I've had the good fortune of listening to you talk about this a lot so I know where you're going with this. Um but take people into that. How How did that serve you exactly? Well, I knew I had two choices. I knew I could believe in myself or not believe in myself. I knew like in my mind I could tell myself I could or I couldn't because in jail I was telling myself I couldn't a lot. Yeah, but what's that to do with faith? Because I believe faith is believing in the unseen. Faith Faith is believing in something ahead even though you can't see it. And for me I couldn't see recovery. I couldn't see holding a job. I couldn't see losing weight. I couldn't see any cuz I never had any of that before. So for me I was just living in fear. That's why I had so much self doubt in jail. So faith to me is believing in the unseen. One thing I heard you talk about which I thought was really interesting. So I am I am not religious in the slightest. But the way that you talked about um I wasn't okay with the things that I did but God was and that was enough. And I thought, "Ooh, I actually really get that." I I get the sense of um there's something that releases me from having to worry about it. So, the the game that I play with myself is the notion that like it's done and gone. There is nothing that can be done about that, but you can move forward and the way that the brain works just from a neurological standpoint, if I obsess over this negative thing, it will hardwire, it will become very easy for me to think about it. It will be less effective and it's less likely to move me towards my goals, which is like in my life I have a mandate that I only do things that move me towards my goals. So, I don't do or believe I don't even allow myself to believe something that might move me away from my goals. And in that is the release. Like, oh, does obsessing over this stupid thing that I did and thinking about what a dick I am, like does that help me get get to my goals or not? Oh, it doesn't, cool, then I I'm released. Which felt to me the way that you talk about your relationship with God, however you define that, felt very similar to that sense of like there was something else that just let you let go of it and I think that is something people need to hear. Well, yeah, I mean cuz growing up I grew up old school religious where if you're good you went to heaven, if you're bad you went to hell. And for me I knew I was on the highway to hell based on my actions. And it wasn't until I really started believing in God years into my recovery that what really helped me was that I realized that things happen for me in life and to you. I know Tony Robbins says, you know, the moment you realize that things happen for you and to you and the universe like, you know, game over, something like that, game over, right? And I started realizing that everything happened for me. Like I can't really make up the fact that my cellmate is helping me use fitness to change my life in jail and now I'm helping others use fitness to change their lives. Like I can't make that up and I'm not proud of the people I manipulated, the times I lied, you know, the manipulating my family and and selling drugs and all that stuff, but he was because he used that for his purpose for me to help other people. And that's what really has helped me because for a while I was at a lot of guilt, a lot of regret with my past. And that's really what faith in God is for me. It's I don't see like a person in the morning. I don't go to church every single Sunday, but for me it's just I look at like the resurrection, like being born again, like in a way that I felt like I have lived two different lives. I literally feel like I died in jail and was reborn in a weird way because I look at myself now and I don't really remember that person back then. I mean, I surely have memories, but when I look at pictures, I'm like, "Who is that guy?" And I think in life we can't change the past, right? We can only learn and grow from it. So, there's no sense in like harping on the mistakes you made, they're done. Like I always say fail more because if you, you know, never made a mistake, it means you never tried. If you never tried, it means you never took a chance. And if you never took a chance, you never believed in yourself, you never had faith. And faith, we need faith. You need to believe in yourself and it doesn't matter how many times you failed. What matters is you keep getting up every day and trying again. And that's what really is important in knowing that, you know, each day you have an opportunity to change. Yeah, I think there's two things in there that are super, super powerful. One is this notion of however you get there, whether it's the way that I think about it, which is sort of just a the way the world works is if you're in a death spiral loop about being, you know, worthless, then you will achieve less, certainly be less happy, you're not going to be able to contribute. So, people need to find a way to release themselves and then people have to be able to think now forward. Like how do I move forward? How do I begin to build something new? And having that vision and the clarity to move forward, but you can't move forward until you have that release. And so, that is something that I really think people struggle with a lot. They get into this self-defeating self-definition. And that's one thing I want to hear from you is how did you begin to define yourself anew? When did you start thinking of the analogy of I'm being reborn? Like is that while you're doing the push-ups, you're still in the jail jail cell and you start to think this is a rebirth for me. Because I think the way that you begin to conceptualize that, anybody going through this, that conceptualization becomes important. Well, I think for me originally it wasn't the case. Originally it was like my pain, turning my pain into purpose. Because I had a lot of people disappointed me, a lot of people doubting me, a lot of people who made fun of me. And I remembered that each time I would go out and do a push-up. That was like one of the things my cellmate helped me learn was like think about what makes you mad when you're working out because that'll help you get through. And I just thought about all the people that brought me down when I was when I was working out and that helped me get through it. Why is that I think that's so powerful and so overlooked. But this is controversial. So get go a little deeper. Why is that so effective? I mean it just released like some anger in me and it helped me channel whatever I had inside of me in a positive way because I think like it's there. Like those memories of people that you're not just going to forget about people who bullied you or made fun of you or the way your parents treated you or anything that happened when you were younger. You can only change how you respond to it. And the way I was responding to it was horrible for me up until the point where I got into jail and now like I had to learn to channel those memories in a more positive way and to get angry. I was never an angry kid. I always held a lot in. And it wasn't until you were never outwardly angry or you weren't angry at all? I was never outwardly angry. Like I was never the guy who would start fights. I was never the guy who was like screaming. But inside were you getting pissed off all the time? Were you getting angry? Were you getting hurt? Were you getting pissed off? Were you getting resentful? Were you getting ashamed? Um and I didn't know how to manage all that stuff. So when I when I found that I could just think of the people who made me angry and start working out like boom, a light switch went off. And I think people don't they don't like you look at pain. Like they don't people like are afraid of pain. They don't want to be hurt. They want to be coddled. They want this. They want that. Pain's great, man. And I think we need to change the way we view pain because pain can really be the catalyst for purpose. I mean you think about working out, right? One of the things I love about fitness is how it can be such an influential part in so many other areas of your life. You have to fail to grow stronger. You have to fail to run faster. You have to be in pain. And so using that pain to get better and you grow from it. And for me, that's what really started was in jail thinking about all that stuff. The dark side, which is how I refer to using the anger and the hatred and all of that, I think is really misunderstood, really underutilized, and there's some really fascinating research around how if you let people express anger, they can endure more pain. And so one of the ways that I think about suffering, pain, anguish, hurt, guilt, shame, all of that is you're tapping into the the dark energy, for sure. It's not a place that I want to spend a lot of time. It's very ugly. It's very tumultuous. But it is you're going to leverage the fact that we have emotions for a reason. They're evolutionarily advantageous in some way. And so based on the studies I've done where they took people and they had them submerge their arm in ice and they said, "How long can you hold it there?" They established a baseline. And then they say, "Okay, now when you feel like you just absolutely have to pull it out, I want you to swear and get angry." And people were able to leave it in something like 30% longer. I mean, it's like really extraordinary how much farther it allows people to push. And so if people are able to tap into that, it's interesting. I've never thought of it as a release before, but it probably also serves that function of just sort of getting some of that anger out, but it also gives you the energy to see things through. When I was reading your story, I kept thinking like it's really interesting to me that you were able to sustain energy, that you've been able to do this over time, that you've been able to radically transform your physique. What allows you to sustain that that focus, that clarity, the drive, the energy? Remembering where I came from. I mean, I never want to be that kid who was so unhappy, so unhealthy that was suicidal and didn't want to live anymore. And whatever I do, I got to make sure that it's pushing myself further in life. And I think one of the things my cellmate did was the importance of having mentors. So when I got out of jail, I joined a mastermind group cuz I knew like I didn't know everything. I wanted to know how to get better. So, I needed to surround myself with like-minded people that wanted to push themselves and and chase goals and change the world and everything else, which was huge for me because it pushed me to write my first book. Like at the beginning like I never I thought my story was my story. I didn't think it was cool and like I was sharing my story to mastermind event and they're like you got to write a book and I was like book? I barely graduated high school. Are you kidding me? And it I they pushed me to write my first book and you know that snowballed into everything else. So, it definitely surrounding myself with great people has been something that's been so huge for me. Changing my friends, um hanging out with people that have common futures not common past. I mean I think has really helped me kind of stay the course. Um being humble, looking at myself in the mirror and you know, I'm human. I'm going to make mistakes and I'm doing myself a disservice if I sit there and throw a pity party and cry and say woe is me. Um and just be I just remember every time I want to quit on something I'm like Doug, you're going to be a [ __ ] or you're going to be a man. One thing that I find interesting in your story is that you make it clear that it's not like getting sober is a hard thing and it is a messy thing and it's you know, one minute you're fine and the next you're not and at first fitness seemed to be solving all of your problems and then there was sort of an emptiness and it was it's very much I think the way that people expect with money. Like once I get my body the way that I want it, I'll be happy and you got there and you were like huh, there's something still wrong. But you didn't just go throw your hands up. Like you really dug in to figure it out. One, I'd like to know how like so you're in that phase. How do you identify what's still wrong? Well, I think for me I looked at my life and I said, you know, I I figured I had everything together. I was like super fit. I had like five or six percent body fat. I was making great money as a trainer. I was sober. Um but then I looked at like I just wasn't fit being fulfilled, right? I wasn't fulfilled inside. I still had a lot of regret, a lot of shame about my past and that was what really drove me to come um be more spiritual. I cuz I was never like I said a spiritual guy. I was like, you know, if God's real, why am I in jail? Why me? Why me? Why me? Victim, victim, victim, [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] right? And then [laughter] like seriously, and then like I One of my clients was like, "You know, you should start coming to church." And yeah, I was like, "Dude, I don't go to church, man." I was like, "I'm going to hell for putting you through this workout. Like, there's no way I belong in there." And And finally, like I was in a mastermind retreat where they challenge you to go deep, like not on like fitness, but like on your life and personal development and and business development, which has been huge for my recovery because I think a lot of times when people get sober, they're like, "Ah, that's it. Like, I'm not going to grow anymore." Well, for me, I'm like, "How can I keep getting better How I've already accomplished things I never thought I could accomplish? Like, what's next?" And um so, I remember getting to a point at this mastermind retreat I was just like broken. I just like made a mistake and a girl I was chasing around and didn't work out. I was like mistake after mistake in relationships. And I remember just sitting there and everyone was like, you know, "I think you need some like faith in your life. I think you need some spirituality." And I was like, [laughter] So, I don't know what made me do it, but I called my client, the guy who was pushing me to come to church. I was like, "Hey, man, like I think I'm ready to give this Jesus thing a a try." And he was like super excited. So, I remember getting down on my knees in his office and praying my life to Jesus. I acknowledged that he died for my sins, all this stuff. And I didn't really believe it, you know, but I kind of was like, "You know what? Let me try it." And I remember the same monkey that came off my back when I was like smoking pot, when I was, you know, escaping life, was the same monkey that came off my back there. I don't know what it was. But, I remember walking out of there, calling my mom for the first time, like telling her I was sorry, which is something I'd never done. And that's what really started my belief that things happen for me and not to me. And as I look back, like, you know, I'm not But, God was. And then I know that I wake up with purpose every morning that like whatever's meant to be is meant to be. And I can't thank my The minute I thank myself and think that I like and know everything is the minute I know nothing. I think that's when my ego gets in the way. And I also think what it did for me was it just realized that he was with me the entire time. And I think a lot of times people just they don't see that when they're in the depths of despair. They're like, "Where's God? Where, where, where?" And you know, I think he's there, whether you believe it or not. And I know sometimes it doesn't seem that way when we're there, but you know, if you just keep doing the necessary things like having faith and keep putting one foot in front of the other and hanging out with great people and working out and taking care of yourself like you'll you'll start to accomplish things. You'll start to look back and say, "You know what? Like I think he was there with me." Yeah, the whole idea of progress, I think is really powerful. How do you help your clients with that? Cuz I'm sure that a lot of people when they first start, there's there's that chasm of I'm working really hard, but I don't see any results yet. Maybe I'm not going to see results for 4 weeks or 6 weeks. How do you get them to cross that that space? Is it just showing them the number of people that have succeeded before them? Or is it something else? It's helping them change your mindset, really, and helping them like really like just look at how the progress that they've accomplished so far. Remember how the far they've come and how far they have to go is like one of the biggest things I live by because like say they've worked out for like 4 weeks and they haven't they haven't lost as much weight as they did, but they were out of the gym for like 20 years. So, I look at them like, "Listen, like you've worked out more in the last 4 months than you have in the last 20 years. Like that's positive." Like I don't I I get them to not just look at the scale cuz I think the scale is just it's irrelevant to me, really. It's really how you feel, how you look in the mirror. Like do you look good naked? Yes or no? I mean, really, seriously. Like I think that's what it is. And so I get them to kind of like forget about the scale and just and work and look at other things like how they're feeling mentally and physically, like, you know, how many times they came to the gym versus how many times they didn't before and and also that like if they quit on their goal, like it's not helping them feel any better. Like and just trusting the process, being patient if they're they're they're not seeing results as fast as they want. Quitting isn't going to help them get there. So, I just try to help them see that just change their mindset, change their perspective, be grateful, you know, be as positive as you can be because I think positivity is one of those it's like one of those buzzwords now. Like be positive, be this, be that. But you can't be positive about everything cuz there's there's some things in life that suck. Like you got to be like, "Well, I'm 100 lbs overweight." Like that sucks. But I think the key is being positive about the way you're going about doing things is what changes things. Cuz if you're pessimistic and negative, you're not going to do [ __ ] And I think so many people are afraid to look at themselves in the mirror and realize that they're the problem. Like, they realize that they're the ones complaining, bitching, and moaning, and that them being coddled and and sugarcoating everything is the reason that they're not getting anywhere in life. Are you hard on the people that you train? I am. I mean, cuz I can relate to them because I think they respect me about that because I have been that kid who struggled with weight. I have been that kid who struggled to fit in. I have been that kid who wasn't fit. I have been that kid who struggled with depression, anxiety, all the stuff that a lot of people do that why they embark on a fitness journey. And so they really like they align with that and they know that I mean love when I'm like, "Hey, like, I'm not I'm not being a good coach or I'm not holding you accountable or I'm not calling you on your bullshit." Like, it's not helping you. I mean, reaching a goal sucks. It takes a lot of hard work, but not achieving the goal sucks even more. So, choose your suck. Do you want to suck by not achieving it or do you want to suck by working hard, putting in passion, putting in discipline, commitment, and hard work, and then achieving something? And that's how you build confidence is, you know, tackling things you never thought you could do, trying things and failing, getting back up and keeping going and keeping going. And like, doesn't matter how many times you get punched in the mouth, it matters how many times you fight back. And I think a lot of times, Tom, like, I love this analogy cuz it relates to so many people. In In a fight, if you and I were to sit here and um I were just to you were to start punching me at random, sucker punching me, like, would I stand here and let you beat the piss out of me? Like, I would hope not, right? But in life, we let life beat the piss out of us. We make our circumstances even worse by when a negative event happens, we get depressed or we feel pity for ourselves or we turn to quick fixes like drugs, alcohol, and it makes our situation worse. So, when you unpack the layer and you give that tough love of saying, "You know what? Like, you need to [ __ ] change. Like, you need to look at yourself in the mirror and stop being a victim, stop blaming other people, and take ownership for yourself, and stop waiting for other people to fix your life." I mean, I think people will like who really want to change, who really want to change will align with that. And and I'm not saying that that's the only way, but for me like I was just all ears for whatever I needed to be told because I didn't want to go back to jail. So, one thing that I really want people to get is that you're very direct with yourself, you're very hard on yourself, but that you also have a deep love and respect and even I would say compassion for yourself. How do you foster those things? Do you have a strategy, a story you tell yourself, something you say like Yeah, of course. I mean there I mean is I always like try to like you know start my day with some sort of affirmation of how I tell myself or you know your reading. And then it's like also like what I surround my life with like you know working out and taking care of myself like is the biggest I think one of the biggest things you can do for self-love is showing that you love yourself enough to invest in your body, right? And then the people I hang out with I hang out with people that only challenge, support, and love me unconditionally. Like I don't have any negative Nancies, Debbie Downers, like I don't have time for it. Like I always say to people when they're like trying to change their friends I'm like, "Well, if you knew about them what you know now, like would you still want to hang out with them?" And if the answer's no, then I mean get them out of your life, right? And I think it's also just gratitude and just being grateful and just showing love that like you know what Doug, you've accomplished a lot in your life. So, and it's always a dance between being hard on yourself and like cuz I mean if you're not hard on yourself, it's really hard to get stuff done and loving yourself and being like, "You know what, it's okay. Like get back up." But I think they go hand in hand because when you fall, you got to have the self-love to say, "You know what, it's okay. You tried. Get back up." And then cuz then the hard on yourself person will be like, "You idiot, you missed. Like stay down. Stay down. Stay down." And Um and I think it just also goes back to the story you tell yourself inside your head cuz I think our belief system about ourselves can be so like hijacked based on what people others say about us and then we start to believe it whether it's like, "You know, you're ugly. You're a [ __ ] You suck. You suck. You're unathletic. You're unathletic." And then sure enough if it happens over years, you start to believe that about yourself if you have no confidence in who you are. And I think the more you can own who you are and just chase after your own dreams and stop worrying about everybody else, then those things start to become lies when people are saying, "You know what? You're a piece of [ __ ] You suck." When you know if you know about yourself like that that's not true. I mean, that's what self-love is. It's just really knowing truly inside of you who you are. I want to go back to something that you said about life beating the piss out of us. How do we stop that exactly? I mean, you got to put the fire out somehow. You got to kind of look and address the situation and say, "Okay, what do I need to do to improve and get past the situation? What's the solution? What can I control?" Is that how you were thinking when you first got out of jail? You had the felony conviction and you were applying for jobs. So, I know that was a pretty rough time for you. Well, I knew there was a lot I couldn't control. I knew I couldn't control if somebody said yes to hiring me. I knew I couldn't control, you know, the way my parents treated me. I knew I couldn't control, you know, what people said to me, but I knew the only thing I could control is who I chose to spend time with. I could control my my exercise. I could control my work ethic. Like getting down pounding the pavement every day and knocking on doors to get a job and how I felt about myself and my beliefs and my myself because I knew, Tom, that like even though when I got out of jail like didn't believe in myself all that much cuz I had no real right to, but I knew I had to fake it till I make it like in that sense that if I didn't, I wouldn't be where I am today. And I just knew I got I guess I got kind of like lucky, if you will, in a way that I knew that everything I did up until the point I got into jail was so far wrong that I had to try something completely different. And if it was like whatever I did before, I was like, "What's the opposite? I'm going to do it." Oh, I didn't want to like hold a job or like bang on doors to get a job. Like, "Oh, I'm going to do that." Or if I didn't want to run, I'll do that. And so, when I talk to people, I just have to I tell them. I'm like, "Listen, like you have to like the more you can like align, the more you can narrow that gap between what you want most and what you do, that's when success really happens. Because we have we have great intentions as people to change. Everybody wants to change. There's not one person that wants to be a drug addict. There's not one person that wants to be 100 lbs overweight. The problem is that we end end doing things because we're looking so far ahead to the future that we almost self-sabotage ourselves because we're worrying so much with what's going to happen in, you know, 5, 10, 15 years from now when we just really need to focus on what we can do today to make sure we become the best version of ourself. What can I control today? And then tomorrow. And then the next day. It's like life's a game of inches, right? And it's like it's it's great to have 5, 10, 15-year visions cuz I think it's important, but not once does any of that does any of that ever say "Don't do anything daily. Just have the goal and just do it." It always comes back to what you need to do on every single day. How do you break your days up? Like do you have um a list of things you should be doing or goals that you write for the day? Like how do you begin and really manage your day-to-day existence? Well, I mean I wake up and one of the first things I do is um you know, drink a bunch of water cuz I think, you know, obviously staying hydrated is important. And then I like try to tackle like whatever is the most important in my my uh my day to do, whether it's um I know I need to some calls I need to make, whether it's some outreach I need to do, maybe it's following up with people via email. And that's like early early morning. I get up around 5:00 in the morning. And then typically I have clients from like 7:00 to 11:00 in the morning. So I typically fast throughout the morning because I I love fasting, too. I think it's great. I feel so much better doing it. So I typically will will leave the gym at like 11:00. I'll go grab a workout and then, you know, eat lunch or something and then I'll come back and do some more work between like the hours of like 2:00 and 4:00 and then go back to the gym for my evening client. And then I come home and I just I work on my personal brand side of the business cuz I still train a lot of people and that's like my my bread and butter of what I love doing, but I'm also like working on building this personal brand up, sharing my story more. And so in my spare time, that's what I spend a lot of time working on. I think the thing that I find most powerful about your story is the complete reinvention of yourself. Like the building of the new identity, the way you're talking about, you know, if I used to do that then I'm going to do the exact opposite and understanding what the most important things are that you could be doing in your day and having a vision for the brand and all that. How do you think of identity? How do you think of building it? What advice do you have? Like if you knew that somebody were on drugs and they were going to try to get off, what advice would you have for them about dealing with the emotions that arise? Would identity play into that? Um and just how do you think about the construction of an identity? Well, I think you got to look at your why. Like why you're doing it cuz I think when you have a strong enough why, like the what's in the how's become irrelevant. You remember like why you started, right? So like if somebody's trying to get off drugs and they they do and they they say their reason is say because I want to, you know, reestablish a relationship with my wife or whatever it is whatever it is. I mean, that's like then they remember like why they're they're not doing it to get off drugs, they're doing it to reestablish a relationship with their wife. They got to get deep rooted in that issue of what caused them to use drugs in the first place, whether it was trauma and what was the trauma and what what behaviors, you know, caused that, you know, what emotions did that cause. And I think really like changing the way you attach um behavior to emotion because I think a lot of times when people get stressed, depressed, anxious, we attach a certain behavior. Like for instance, if you've had a long day at work and you're stressed, you drink a glass of wine. Or if you're depressed, you snort a line of cocaine or I mean, I can go through a thousand things and just changing that behavior you do with that emotion and saying, you know, what, I'm going to change that, you know, instead of using drugs or alcohol to manage my emotions, I'm going to go for a walk. I'm going to meditate. I'm going to um go to a movie with a friend. Whatever it is that they like to do because I think we spend so much time worrying about what everybody else is doing and we've lost track of who we are as a person, right? And just looking within um whether that's in meditation or prayer or journaling to really figure out like the things we like, the people we like, you know, where we like going and all that stuff and then kind of filter that into your life organically. Do you have a way for people to find that cuz I know whenever I give advice like that, people like, "But I don't know what will work for me." Is there like a set of things that you encourage people to do? Like, "Hey, start journaling 10 minutes a day. Just write anything that comes to your mind." or meditate or like what's that path? I mean, I really think it's like they they should make like a when life like a when life works list. Something like that. Like when they're when they feel like their life could be at the happiest and they could be most fulfilled. Like what does that look like? What kind of things are they doing? What kind of people are they hanging out with? What kind of places are they going to? What are they doing on a day-to-day basis? And then that then you can write that stuff down and then from there you can just set goals and you can you'll have an you'll know where to go because you know where to get where you're going you got to know where you're at. So, if you know the types of things and ideally when you're writing stuff down it's going to be stuff you like doing. It's not going to be like, "Hmm, what would Tom say or what would Doug say?" It's like, you know, what would X, Y, and Z say? And then they'll have like a plan in being able to get from where they are to where they're going based on that. And I think the more happy you can be with yourself and the more you really find out who you are and just getting through life the more of your identity you become cuz my identity 10 years ago was way different than it is now. My identity 10 years ago I was I was like, "Man, am I ever going to be able to hold a job? I'm a convicted felon. Like how am I going to get through this?" And now like my identity is quite different. So, I just think it's like once you really align with doing what works in your life and making you the best version of you possible, I think it gives you a shot to really evolve in whatever identity you're meant to have. Mhm. That's super interesting. How do you think about bullying now? Like when I think about how much your story goes back to that and how pervasive bullying is now especially with cyber bullying stuff it's pretty scary. Do you have advice for people that are struggling with that? Like how can people mentally protect themselves? Well, I think first of all just know that the way somebody treats you isn't a reflection of you, it's a reflection of them. Right? They obviously have some stuff in their Does that really help like a 12-year-old? You know what I mean? Yeah, I Truth. You're so right. But like do I really expect that to Yeah, I mean I guess when you're 12 years old I think it's really important probably at that point to talk to your parents and really be authentic about telling them like the whole story as much as you can and not hiding it, not being ashamed of it cuz I think a lot of times as kids like and you're at that age you're ashamed of it, you're ashamed of telling your parents to say, are they going to A believe me? What are they going to think of me? What are other people going to think when they they have to tell their parents like because it sucks to like to do that, but you know, it can save you years of trauma. It can save you years of making, you know, poor choices to respond in the in that unhealed emotions and I mean, I just think the number one thing people should do when they're struggling with any type of situation like that is ask for help. Let's make this really [ __ ] hard. So, I'm going to put you in a time machine and I'm going to give you I'm going to give you 15 minutes. It's enough time to really sit down and you're going to be able to sit down with your young self. They're going to believe it's you. They're going to actually believe that that you are them in whatever 20 years. What do you tell them? You only have 15 minutes. Knowing that like if you say um you know, there's going to be certain advice that you would give to them that like, you know, hey, don't worry about trying to be like the cool kids. They're going to be like, well, [ __ ] dude. You obviously don't remember what it's like to be 12. I've got to be cool otherwise my life isn't worth living. So, there's probably going to be things that they're going to push back on. What would you try to convince them of in 15 minutes? I mean, that life's going to get better if you believe it will. They're just having that blind faith that, you know, whatever is happening to you right now is meant to happen for you um for a greater good and I know it's going to it's tough right now for you to hear that, but you can either look at it two ways. You can either look at it that this like woe is me, this is going to happen, this is happening to me and I'm going to, you know, blame everybody else and respond in a way that's going to make my life worse or I can acknowledge that I'm using the situation to become a better version of me to be able to help other people going forward. And I think with that it kind of gives you a positive approach to it where they can look at it and say, you know what? Like I'm going through this pain right now. I acknowledge I'm going through it, but it's It's to be make me make me one hell of a man growing up and that ultimately is going to save my ass um you know as I grow up. Totally. Tell people where they can find your books, where they can learn more about you. So I mean I'm most most active on Instagram at Doug _bopst and then my books are all available on Amazon, dougbopst.com. I mean if anybody's struggling wants to reach out, I mean I'm always happy to to to answer questions and help people where I can and you know it's just one of those things man that I'm just so grateful to be alive and I just really thankful for the opportunity here and you know I've been following this show for a long time and I just love what you're about. I love the the vision of this company and I love the whole like get [ __ ] done approach and it just so like really really aligns with my mentality. Thank you man. What's the impact that you want to have on the world? I mean the impact I want to have on the world is to help people become better versions of themselves each and every day through faith, family and fitness. Helping them believe in themselves more, helping them to do things they never thought they could, helping them surround themselves with people who will bring the best out in them and then doing things every single day that allow them to be mentally, physically and spiritually fit. I mean that to me is what kind of impact I can bring to the world. I dig it. Awesome man. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Guys, it is an extraordinary tale of somebody who completely rebuilt themselves not from zero but from a deep deep deep deficit and I think it's something that we can all learn from. So I highly encourage you to check it out. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe and until next time my friends, be legendary. Take care. Doug, thanks my man. It was It was tough, you know, to to amount to some success in my life and for me I started just asking myself tough questions of like why, you know, why did this all happen, you know, how did I overcome all of this and like what can I do every day to to truly inspire.