finding true confidence, how to know yourself deeply & why your thirties are the best

that moment when I won American Idol and I just remember going like thinking to myself, my life will never be the same. >> I'm very excited to turn 30. I'm like, get me out of this hell hole. >> Get me out of here. I will not go back. Like, I'm very much a words of affirmation person, which is funny because of my job. It's affirming all the time there. >> There's always a plus. Of course, this doesn't happen to men because when they age and they they gray, they're hot. Silver Fox. Like, oh my god, it's so crazy. >> Yes. Are we allowed to cuss on this show? >> Oh, please. Okay. I was like, "Nobody can say to me anymore." >> Yeah. >> Hello, house guests and welcome back. I am feeling amazing this morning. Thank you for asking. Some days I wake up and I feel like I don't even have a single brain cell left. And today I have woken up and I just feel on it. Um I'm also sorry guys, elephant in the room. I'm also joined here this morning with my dear friend Dolly. You guys, if you were watching the video, you might see her. She's looking beautiful and stunning. She's wearing her beautiful Nantucket silk scarf because we are off to Nantucket this week. We will get into that shortly. Okay, I'm really excited about who we have coming over this week. It's Jordan Sparks. Okay, like my childhood self, guys. Whenever My god, I I just feel like there was such a specific part of my childhood that was right before my parents' big divorce. That was really like kind of the peak. It was as good as it was ever going to get. And that was the peak of like No Air Tattoo. And like when I'm thinking about, you know, my my best memories from my childhood before things really started to go downhill quite to be quite honest with you. I think of Jordan Sparks because that was all the music that like my siblings, my cousins and I were playing and it was just oh my god, it was everything. So anyway, I'm excited for her to come. We'll we'll get to that soon. In other news, summer is wrapping up and I wanted to talk to you guys about I don't know if I would be as bold to call it a theory because it's not necessarily a theory, but this is something a thought that I have a lot, especially whenever we're going out with friends who are like, I want to meet someone. I want to do something. I want to like have this crazy fun night. And then they never do it because you're just in your hometown and you're acting the same. But why is it that when we travel, we have all these crazy experiences and we're meeting all these people and doing all this stuff. And that is because you were in the vacation mode mindset. Okay, so the vacation mode mindset is a mindset that you have when you are on vacation. Genius. And I know it's shocking, right? It's a mindset that you have when you're on vacation because you just don't care and like the stakes are so low and you know you're never going to see these people again. So you are you act bolder, you act more fun, you act a little bit more crazy, you're a little bit more laidback and that is when you you know meet the fun people. everyone suddenly is so much hotter, but that's only because you're like going to find what you're looking for and you're looking for hot people on vacation. You know what I mean? And you're just having the best time. And I think if you channel that vacation energy into just your dayto-day life, like when you're going out, when you're at a restaurant, when you're at a bar, wherever you are, like it is completely within your control to have these experiences more regularly. Now, I'm not saying that you're taking a vacation every single week and like you're going out 24. Of course, like when you're on vacation, it's more fun and whatever. I'm not saying that your life is going to be vacation. I understand that. Okay? But what I am saying is that when you are out, when you are at restaurants, when you are at bars, when you are doing, you know, whatever it is, you can be channeling your vacation energy and your vacation mood. You don't have to change what you're doing daytoday like the actual like acts that you were doing, but you can change your mindset and like how you are approaching those things, right? Like think about when you are wherever you live and you're going to a restaurant or a bar or you're going out with your friends. You are probably just staying with your friends, right? Like you're not actually it's like you know like the memes or the memes. Memes don't even exist anymore, do they? The Tik Tok videos, okay? The videos of girls at the bar and you're like, "Oh my god, why is no one talking to us?" And it's cuz we're like in a back corner. Like you're not in a back corner when you're on vacation. You know what I mean? So, if we just channel a vacation energy into this fall and winter, I think we can still have those vibes. It's not necessarily vacation vibes. It's the vibes of being open and allowing good things to come into our lives. You know what I mean? I feel very passionately about this as someone who was, you know, just like typically staying with the crowd that I came with whenever I was going out. The nights that we treated like we were just on vacation were the best nights because we were open, we were fun, we were talking to anyone, we were, you know, these sound like very obvious, but this is not what's happening with the kids out there. You know what I mean? By kids, I mean like adults. This is just not what's happening. Okay. One great example of this would be Macy and I's infamous night in Fort Worth. Now, both of us are are we are now is it okay? You say kept woman. I don't know. We're both um wifded up basically. However, a couple years ago, we went out. we were single and it was just us two in Fort Worth and we're like we're just going to like channel crazy energy and just like be open and talk to everyone and whatever. And that night we've told on the podcast I will not get into it but it was truly one of the craziest nights of our lives and it was so much fun. I also think there is something to be said about going out with just one other person versus a group of 10 people because when you are with your group of 10 people it's easier to get away from that vacation mode, that vacation mindset. Okay? and instead you need to it's easier to get out of that. Um but whenever you have just one friend it's a lot easier because you're just with that one friend you're like making yourself go out and about. You know what I mean? So anyways all I'm saying is as we are approaching the end of summer vacation mode the mindset it doesn't have to end. Um anyway, so I just wanted to touch on that and I wanted to challenge you to channel your inner vacation mood mindset over the next week or two. And please just let me know like send me a little message of something that happened to you because the best things happen when you have your vacation mindset which is really just another way of saying being open and putting yourself out there and making yourself speak to people in public which I know is tough. I understand also rich coming from me the ultimate homebody but like listen I've had my time out on the town. I still I still go out on the town, but there was a time where home was the last place that I was seen. Okay. And also, if you're trying to find these things and like implement these different things into your life or like date or meet people or whatever, you have to do this. Okay? You know what is something we do not talk about enough? My Beyonce story. This is truly the day that I really truly believe Kinsey Elizabeth was born. Kinsey Piper was taken over by Kinsey Elizabeth on this day, if you will. Okay. My uncle, he works in radio at the time. time he was working for 106.1 Kiss FM in Dallas. Okay. Grew up listening to Kiss FM. Seriously, if you are from like the DFW area, like that specifically, I know that KissFm's like everywhere, but like 106.1 Kiss FM. Truly, it was everything. Anyway, they host, as I'm sure you guys know, these concerts called the Jingle Ball Concert. And this was like my whole childhood was going to these shows. This is also how I have gone to so many concerts in my life and also how I was gifted front row seats to Britney Spears for my fifth birthday which I do believe says a lot about me and also what a peak like I remember like the rain coming down seriously everything. Anyway, this is one of the Jingle Bell concerts. I really need to kind of set the scene and give you this. Like I'm seven, okay? I'm with all my family. It's like my parents, my sister. We would also get like limos. This is back when like limos were a thing. And mind you, there's a family. There's like 20 people. So, there's like all of us in this limo. We really didn't have much of an option cuz I don't think we had parking, you know? So, we went earlier that night. My sister, we you know when your kids, this is like so unsafe, but we would like walk the border of the pool. Okay. So, my sister being the genius that she is, she obviously, this is after we're like, you know, I'm I'm fully decked out in the children's place. Like, no one can tell me anything. Like, I have this look going and I'm like, I I'm going to be discovered tonight. Like, that's what's going to happen. So, the first op that I had that night was that my sister fell into the pool. Now, that was not going to stay between me and that limo. Like, I was getting my ass on that limo. Like, that was just not happening. I was never ever ever going to not hit that limo. So, luckily, they leave. They go do their own thing. They go refresh her at home. I don't know. We're at my cousin's house at this point. We didn't have a pool. So, I'm like, I I don't know what's happening. So, we get into the limo. We go. I'm still like, you know what? Okay. Like, nothing's going to get me down. Big night. I'm excited. Whatever. Again, like I'm going to somehow be discovered for what? I don't know. But I'm like going to be discovered because my uncle works for the radio station. We have like backstage passes or something. I'm living my dream. Okay. Justin. I always forget his last name. The one from American Idol with the curly hair. Wait a second, guys. Do you think that Justin guy was on No, I don't think he was on Jordan's season. Justin American Idol. Wait, wouldn't that be crazy if this all just became so full circle? This guy, Justin, I don't I'm not gonna try to pronounce his last name because I don't want to be disrespectful. Did he compete against He compete against Jordan Sparks? How full circle would this moment be if that's true? Um, he did not compete against Jordan Sparks. Yeah, he was Kelly Clarkson in the inaugural season. Okay. And then Jordan Sparks won 5 years later. Anyway, whatever. It all comes back to American Idol. So, I get a like a autograph from him and it flies away in the wind and I'm obviously sobbing because I'm like, "Okay, another opposition that I have tonight." And I'm like, "This is just awful." And I was devastated. And so, I was I think I was like actually six. I don't think I was seven at this point. So, I'm down backstage on the ground area somewhere. I don't even remember. I I remember like what it looked like. I just wouldn't be able to like describe it well. But, we're like outside and there's trailers everywhere and I'm crying. Who comes up to me? None other than Beyonce. Okay. And I believe she was I am almost positive she was like performing with Destiny's Child that night, but I could be off on that again because I was six. And that's not really the most important part of the story. The most important part of the story is actually the fact that Beyonce comes to comfort me. She kneels down and is like, "Oh my gosh, how are you?" Nicest woman I've ever met, by the way. And not only was she trying to comfort me, she compliments my outfit. And that was the day Kinsey Elizabeth was born. I become a monster. I'm like, "Oh my god, I have to be a fashion designer." Like mind you, I'm wearing Oh, thank you. You guys are probably wondering what I was wearing. I can give you guys a visual. I am wearing a quilted coat from the children's place. The ones that's lined with fur. You know what I mean? Like really like let me take you there. Like patchwork quilt fur. There was some maroon. There was some like a little bit more of burgundy. It was definitely more of like a deeper jewel type jewel. We were going more jewel tones with this coat. Okay. I mean it really was everything. And I was probably wearing like some corduroy pants or something. There's actually a photo of me um later with Abra Lavine, which is also my idol at this point. Um and I had fallen asleep and she was carrying me as I'm sleeping. But anyway, yeah, Beyonce did compliment my outfit and it is something that I really I don't speak about enough. I do think it was my Instagram bio like seven years ago, but I would just like to kind of refresh everyone's memory that Beyonce did compliment my outfit and that was really just truly the best day of my life. And I have her to thank. I have two people to thank for this career. One, it's Beyonce when she complimented my outfit at the age of six when I was wearing that Children's Place quilted jacket. Number two, it is Maddie Trap, one of my best friends from childhood. Still one of my closest friends. She actually was here last week and she she's like one of those people that like will always be one of my best friends. Like we could not speak for 3 years. And you know, if you're an OG YouTube viewer, you know, Maddie. Um, update. We are actually still very close friends. And she was just over at my house. Anyway, she did force me to watch YouTube. I was not interested in YouTube because those same cousins, this was the middle school, but prior to that, I was not interested in YouTube because the same cousins that I went to Jingle Ball with and a couple of our others, they would watch YouTube videos and that was taking the attention away from me and I really was not really like vibing with YouTube and I thought it was like cat videos and like whatever. Anyway, she was forcing me to watch YouTube videos and one day I did and look at us now. So, those are really I would I would give equal parts to Maddie Trap and Beyonce. So anyway, oh my god. Another thing, guys, I think that is important. I know I've talked about this before, but I I really do truly feel this way. I think that maturing is two things. Maturing is starting to love brown furniture and it's loving ornaments as a gift. It's like I can't look at white furniture for the rest of my life. This happened to me like years ago, but you know, like postgrad or like when you're moving out, it's like it's just like all the like white IKEA stuff and you want to be modern and all that. Like you know that you're it's not even like when you're 25 your frontal love is developed. Like that's not really the true marker of adulthood. The true marker of adulthood is loving brown furniture and loving receiving an ornament as a gift. I do make the rules. Thank you. Thank you very much. Um also just a little bit of housekeeping guys. You guys are probably like, "Oh my god, Dolly, like we're wanting to hear from you. She is looking stunning. She is looking perfect." If you guys are not watching on YouTube, Dolly is the chicken from she's our mascot from my home and hobby brand friend of mine. She is sitting in the guest chair with a beautiful Nantucket silk scarf wrapped around which will be available to purchase very soon, not just in person at the Nantucket popup. But we are midsummer stitch tour. And we will be on Nantucket this weekend, August 8th, um at Erica Wilson, which is like one of the most iconic needle point stores in the world. We have a massive Nucket collection. I actually wish I brought some of the canvases and stuff to show you guys, but I'm sure they've been all over our Instagram and everything. We have um a huge collection. It's not just what we've had for Stitch Tour. This one expands far beyond that. We also have just other canvases. Like the full collection is really stunning. We've got another maong mat. Like it's a really beautiful collection. So Dolly, just wanted to be here to remind you guys that if you happen to be on Nucket this weekend or just want to, you know, take the ferry out, we will be there. Um, all the information and everything will be on our Instagram. So, anyway, today we have Jordan Sparks on the show. I am so happy about this. I met her earlier this week. I just feel like we become fast friends. I love her. Like, I'm just obsessed with her. Okay. I feel like her music was truly just the soundtrack to my childhood. I love her current music. I can transport back to exactly where I was when No Air was like the only song that was playing on the radio. My cousins and siblings were like freaking out whenever she was coming on the show or I was going on hers. Like I'm just obsessed with her. At just 17 years old, she became the youngest person to ever win American Idol. She went from living in Arizona as a teenager to singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl pretty much overnight. She then went on to make her Broadway debut and The New Heights. She starred opposite of the late Whitney Houston in the film Sparkle. She played Jenna on Broadway in Waitress. She released six studio albums including her most recent No Restrictions. Somewhere in the middle of all this, she's gotten married, she's become a mom, and she started her own podcast, What's Your Spark? Which is an amazing listen. If you guys like this one, you'll love that. She is one of those people who is just truly so kind and so warm that you just leave feeling incredible. While all of these accolades are so incredible, what I really want to talk to her about today is like her upbringing and what it really looks like to know who you are when there's so many people who tell you who you need to be and also just like so many outside voices, not always the most positive. She also loves your grandma hobby. Like, we're going to go everywhere. I'm really excited and honored to have our superstar pop sensation Jordan Sparks over today. So, let's welcome her on to House Guest. >> Well, welcome to the show. I'm so happy to have you in my house. >> Thank you. Me, too. I'm really glad it worked out. >> I got my makeup done today. >> Beautiful. Stunning. >> And I knew I needed to because your makeup always looks so good. >> Thank you. >> It really does. >> Thank you so much. I did it myself. >> Wow. That was my next question. Have you always been good at makeup or was it because of touring? >> Um, I think touring I've always loved to play with it. Like me and my best friend used to play with it at home when we were younger and um then once I started actually it was American Idol that did it. We went we auditioned and you know you're you're yourself you come as you are type thing and then once we got to I think it was the live performances. They had makeup artists for us and then they did our hair and I just remember looking at myself like whoa like this feels so different than me just doing my makeup in the mirror by myself. Um, so I learned a lot from all makeup artists and hair stylists over the years. And once I had to go on tour, I think it was 2008, maybe 2008, I had to go on tour. Did not have the budget for hair and makeup and I just had to learn how to do it. So I took everything I learned from the makeup artists and people that I had worked with and I used that. And now over the years, I've just I've really gotten to know my own face, you know what I mean? So I just I'm able to do it. I can do it for carpets. I can do it for any any type of thing. Um, and I actually love to do makeup for my my close friends. I don't do it for everybody, but I did my mom's wedding. I did my best friend's wedding. All three of my best friends, actually. I did their makeup for their weddings. >> See, that's an amazing life skill. The difference between you and I is that like when Well, one, you've had to get your makeup done a billion times because you're obviously a star performer. >> Have to be out there. Yeah. >> You're you're out there. you know, you have the crowds, you've got the toures and that, but whenever I get my makeup done, I don't shut up. >> So, unfortunately, so I just like talk and talk and talk and then my makeup's done and I learn nothing, >> you know? I will get a list. The furthest that I'll go is like cuz my makeup artist that I use most of the time is my childhood best friend's sister. I love that. >> So, I just like ask her for the product list and then I'm really like looking and I'm trying to get better. But, it's such a good it seriously like it really is such a good life skill. It it helps too. And I mean I love it because there are sometimes when I just don't want to pay for it. I don't want to pay for it. I'm like I got it. I'm like I got it. I can do it. I'm >> It's expensive. >> Yes. Yes. >> They're good at their craft. So it's expensive. >> Absolutely. And they should be they should be charging for for what they are doing. For sure. But there are some days where I'm like I can handle this one. >> Yeah. Some days where I'm like that hurts a little bit. Like I think I I think I maybe need to like circle back. You know, >> you know what's so crazy? Whenever I was like doing, you know, some research on you, I just feel like >> and I it's like when I think about like my childhood, like so many of your songs really are >> Yes. >> like are like soundtracks. Like there's this one period of my life specifically. It was like right before my parents got divorced, so we were really at a high there. It was good. It was good. >> Good times. >> And it was all my like friends and my cousins and the neighbors. And this is like every like you were on the radio like 24/7. It's like our best childhood memories. And I also feel like you were on American Idol like two days ago. >> It feels like it. >> Doesn't it feel that way? >> Yes, it feels that way. It feels like ages ago. Like so so long. But at the same time, it really does feel like yesterday. And we are coming on next year. It'll be 20 years. Can you believe? Like even saying that doesn't even feel real. >> I know. And I'm like, but I'm like 16 years old. >> Forever 17. That's how I feel. I'm just like what? I'm not okay. It's fine. It's fine. Do you believe in the idea that celebrities stay at whatever age that they became famous at? >> Yep. >> What do you think it is? You just get stuck there? I think I've actually thought about this and I don't know if it's just celebrities. I think it's I think it's everyone. Everybody has a moment whether it's it's just a moment in their life whether it's traumatic or it's like just this massive experience or moment in their life that happens where everything changes instantly. And I think people just kind of have that space. It kind of just like hooks into like an imprint. And I think for me, I literally I just got goosebumps. That moment when I won American Idol, it is like, oh my gosh, I think about it. Chills. >> No, for real. I think about it and I'm just like I remember standing there and I thought Blake was going to win. Blake was who got runner up. I definitely thought that he was going to win cuz, you know, he was the boy and he was cute and he had all the girls and d I thought he was going to win. So, I was actually shocked when I won and I was standing there and I just remember going like thinking to myself, my life will never be the same. I think it would have been different had I had Blake won and I got second place like I think people would have been excited still and I think my music would have >> spoken for I mean I don't know I don't I don't know what it would have done because it worked out the way it worked out the way that it did but um >> I just I I think it kind of happening at that moment at 17 and it was such a precipice in life of being not a girl not yet a woman You know, it's crazy to hear live, guys. It just feels insane. Oh my god. >> It's like I was coming out of high school, but I'm now I have this very adult job and I'm living my dream, but now there's so much more stress and so I exposure. >> Yeah. And so I think like >> I naturally just really protected that 17-year-old girl and so she's always just been with me. So internally I still feel like that girl that's walking in like, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe I get to do this and this is so crazy." And I think it's important to like stay connected to that kind of like inner child. Totally inner child moment. Um, but there's so many versions of us within ourselves that we can go back to and either hug or say, "I'm here for you." Or like, "Aren't you like look how proud? Like, I hope I made you proud." Like my 36-year-old self is looking back at my 17-year-old self constantly and going, "Look at what we're doing. Like, look at this." So, I don't know. I feel I feel it's different for each person, but for me, I definitely think that that's like I'm just I'm constantly wrapping her in a hug. >> I'm currently on Nucket and as we know, I never want to leave, but the one thing well, one of the things I'm looking forward to when I get home is like getting back into my routine, which as we know, I love, okay? And I really love doing things lately like giving myself an at home like manicure and pedicure, okay? And I've only been able to do that because I've had the Olive and June Manny system. I really like the gel system. It is just, oh my god, it is amazing. First off, I hate going to the nail salon, which is like such a first world problem. I know, but I know so many of us really dislike it. And I'm telling you guys, like, break free, okay? Go home, take a nice shower at night, get into your matching pajama set, put a nice show on, listen to an audio book, just like take a moment for yourself, and give yourself your own gel manicure. Okay, their gel manny system comes with everything that you need for salon quality nails in one box. They have a five finger LED lamp, salon grade tools, and their hemree gel polish that lasts up to 21 days. It's clean, safe, and designed for real life busy mornings. Netflix nice, all of it. Each Manny breaks down to just a couple of dollars, which means that you can have that confident, polished up feeling whenever you want. No appointment needed. 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I think that's also such a healthy perspective and a really easy because it's so easy especially when you are in a career that is I mean one I guess in front of a lot of people but also just where a lot of it is focused on like achieving achieving what's next what's next it's really easy to lose and I feel like anyone can relate to this it doesn't need to be like winning American Idol it can be like I feel this way in my own career it's like what's next I need to do this and I need to do that and I'm constantly >> forward motion >> totally and it's really easy to not, you know, sit back and be like, "Oh my god, I'm so like proud of myself." And like I think I'm always grateful, but I think I'm not always as intentional about being like, "Wow, you really did do that." Like being kind to myself. No, I get it. And I mean I I've had I'm a little bit older than you are. And so I've had a little bit more time to kind of like really look back at things because I didn't for a long time. I was just like, I have other things that I want to achieve, other things that I want to do, other goals that I've set, um other markers that I want to like uh make sure that I meet. And so, for a long time, I didn't look at it like I just be like, "Oh, it was just work, you know?" But when I really look at it, I'm like, I sang for presidents. I've been all over the world. I've been in rooms with people that I never thought that I would be in rooms in. I've sang for so many different people and I've got it's like taken me to all these places that I never even knew that I would go. And um so it's just a really beautiful thing to kind of sit and do that. I don't do it all the time. Like I think there are moments when I still get that way where I'm like I have a lot of stuff to do. I can't really sit and think about that right now. I need to what's moving forward in ahead. Um, but I it has been really interesting and I think having my son has helped with that as well cuz now I look back at memories that I can think of. For example, you saw I came in with like a little wrist thing. I sprained my wrist last week. >> I was living my best life at a roller rink. It was great. Um, but I had to go to the ER because it hurt so bad. I thought I broke it. And um, my son is eight and when I broke my arm, I was 8 years old. And so I was thinking back to that memory and I was looking at my son and my mom was here and I was looking at my mom and I was like, "Mom, I was the same age DJ was when I broke my arm and you she was on vacation when I broke my arm. My nana was like an hour away from the school. So I was at the school with no like they couldn't give me any medicine or anything like that. So I was at the school with this like broken wrist like just waiting waiting there. And I thought to myself, I've I've never like placed it. It It was hard to like place it like I remember it, but seeing my son sitting next to me, I was like, "Oh my gosh, I was so little. I was so little to to go through something like that." But it's just I don't know. I think having a kid really kind of puts things in perspective. And I'm always like, "Wow, I was seven when I realized I wanted to sing." Like, I knew I was I'm looking at my son, I'm like, "All right, well, he probably knows what he wants to do. I just have to wait for him to say it. You know what I mean? So, >> he's just kind of verbalize that. I think it's easier to have empathy for yourself in past situations, too. Like even just with my niece, like I look back and I'm like, "Oh my god, I cannot believe that that happened to me at that age. I was a child." Like I was so young. >> And I think it it for me just in that scenario, I can only imagine with a child like it's really been able like it's allowed me to give myself a lot more grace. >> So, I think that that is a good like that's such a beautiful like aspect. Also, your son is like we were talking about this. I can't take it. I can't take it. >> He really is. >> Thank you. >> Okay, I want to talk to you about confidence. >> Yes. >> Because let's talk about it, girl. >> You had such a life change obviously and also you were at during American Idol, which is like such an American staple. >> You were in the like absolute prime of the peak of American Idol. Like >> I feel like later it actually became a benefit to not win whereas at that point like it was like so different, you know? Like >> takes all. No, literally it was the like every single person was watching. It was like the only show that people talked about. Also, there was less shows happening too at that point. >> So like it was really like it was like it was Love Island. Like it it really was you know >> it was everybody like based on like talent. So it was like you know what I mean? So you had like places to go but >> it is just so crazy. So you win American Idol, then you go on to have this like crazy crazy life and then you also at the same time are on I mean even before you win you're on a TV show that like literally every American probably beyond is watching >> and you have like suddenly this like massive platform and also I can I can imagine like the pressure and the responsibility and all the things that you felt like how did you find like confidence during that time and just like push through especially not allowing like did you allow all these like outside voices to get to you or were you always like, "No, I'm good." >> I think, okay, this is like a multi-layered answer because I think my mom was always really confident. Like, she always handled her stuff. She was always getting us together. She was like, and not to say that she didn't have her moments, right, where she was vulnerable, but my mom, my mom is a very like we're going to get it done. We're going to do this. This is this is how it's going to be. Like, go go go. Like, you got this kind of woman. And I never saw her put herself down. I never saw her like, you know, like scrutinizing herself in the mirror. I never heard her say anything about herself. Like, not that I can even think of now. And so, I think for me, I never really did that to myself. I think naturally, as you grow up as a teenage girl and you have friends and you're going to school and you're reading magazines and, you know, you're seeing all the things, then those outside voices start to kind of creep in. But my my foundation was really solid. Um, and I feel like that that really helped me with my confidence then. Um, it was a different kind of confidence than I have now because I was younger, but I knew who I was as much as I could have known who I was at that age. And so, in terms of American Idol and and going through the show and kind of having confidence, I believed in my talent. I knew I had a good voice. I just I just knew it. And I was like I was like I just And still I'm like I know I have a great voice. Um, and that's not like it's not co uh cocky, it's it's confidence. Like I just believe in the talent that I have. And so >> there's a lot of false humility these days. And like it's so much better to just own what you know that you're good at. It makes everyone else feel more comfortable around you too. You know what I mean? >> Cuz why are you faking? >> Yeah. It's like just say like and it's cool to be like, "No, I know I'm good at this." Like it's not cocky. It's confident. >> Yes. And I I think it's weird today that we're it like that gets put down in a sense like say especially as a woman being like, "No, I'm really good at this." You know, and then people are like, "Oh, really?" You're just like, "That's what I said." >> Yeah. No, that's >> Did I stutter? >> Yeah, literally. >> Did I stutter? No, I didn't. Um, but I think that uh when I auditioned for Idol, I had been watching it since Kelly Clarkson won. I was obsessed with the show. It was the show that my entire family like waited for and uh every week and um so when I auditioned I was like you know what I think I can win this like if all the variables line up I think I can win this but of of course like how would you even know it's just wild that all the variables ended up lining up for me like that but I I saw it. I envisioned it and I saw it and I just knew that I really wanted it and that if I got the opportunity I was not gonna I wasn't going to waste it, you know. And so I think all of those things, the energy, the intention towards it, um the belief in my talent, I think that all kind of molded me to to be confident in the way that I was then. >> I think too the other layer to it is I was so young that I wasn't really thinking about I wasn't really thinking about things in a subliminal way, if that makes sense. It's like, you know, sometimes you hear somebody say something and then you're like, well, wait, what did they actually mean by that? >> And at the time, the time was different. There was no social media. There wasn't there wasn't any of this stuff. There wasn't streaming. There wasn't any of that. So, the only things that were kind of on the Facebook was still just for college students. Like, it was wild. And so, there were blogs and there was Google. And the one thing they told me was, "Do not ever Google yourself." Mh. >> And I did it once and I was like, I'm never doing that again. Never ever. I'm never doing it again. I didn't even click on an article. I just Googled it. It was like, >> yep. >> And I was like, this is too much. Like that's overwhelming. Um, >> good and bad, by the way. >> Right. Exactly. And I But it was just overwhelming to see how much there was >> cuz like you don't really have a >> you don't have the context like you can't especially when it's you. I think like >> Yeah. I think that there's no way to really imagine it exactly. >> Exactly. So that that that was how I had my confidence and then I won and then the confidence kind of went through the roof. Not in a bad way, but I was like, "Yep, let's go." Like, >> because you proved to yourself you could do what you said you were going to do. >> I proved it to myself and then I was like, "Okay, now I have to prove it to the people who voted for me, my support system who got me here." And it's really amazing to think about it, to be honest, because there really is no blueprint after American Idol. Um there's and there's no guarantee that just because you won means that the music is going to be successful or it's going to translate. So when I I got into the studio and listening to all the songs that they were giving me and recording and all of these things and I loved every song that I was recording and I just was like I felt every single song to like right here with the exception of like maybe there were like two that I was like this isn't this doesn't sound like me. Um, and it was so it was just so wild. Like that ride was insane. And um, confidence also built cuz we toured. There was the American Idol tour >> and we did 59 shows in 56 cities that summer and it was insane. And I as the winner was the only person who couldn't miss a show. And so to go from just singing every once in a while at a competition and singing one or two songs to then singing 15 songs every single night on a summer was it was boot camp at its like greatest and also most stressful cuz my voice just didn't know how to handle it. And so I lost my voice a few times but the show must go on and I don't know how but I was able to to sing every night. Thank you. And um so I think with every single thing that I did the confidence just kept building. Then the music came out, then Tattoo came out, then No Air, and then that just went everywhere. Then One Step at a Time. And I was like, "Heck yeah." Like, like, "This is crazy." And then we have, you know, you get a little break, you tour, you do all the things, and then you have to do the second album. And that was where I was, I got a little I don't think my confidence was shaken, but it was a little hesitant where I was like, "Can I do it again?" Because I had my own shoes to fill, not anybody else's. I had to do prove my own self to the success of what I had already done. And so I was able to do that with Battlefield and um SOS and that album as well. And I think it just gradually with with all of the things in terms of career cuz there are different types of confidence. There's confidence in your career and your ambitions. There's confidence in yourself. There's confidence in um relationship security. There's confidence in your friendships. There's confidence in what you look like. So all of them are different. I think my relationship with my body and what I look like. I've always loved myself no matter what I've I've looked like. I also am a person who doesn't like to take shortcuts. So for me, I'm just kind of like I would love to just, you know, do all the man I don't I'm going to get in trouble if I say this, but I would love to do all the things that we keep seeing right now. Like Yes. and like in two weeks I'm going to look crazy, but I I literally cannot do it. I physically cannot make myself go do it. >> I think that's also being an athletes daughter. >> Yes. You know. >> Yes. Thank you. >> I think that's where that comes from. >> Thank you. Yes. Absolutely. I'm just like I can't I I can't do it. I got to do it the hard way. Not the hard way, but I got to do it the the original way and do it like this. And so, um I feel like I've been like that my entire life. Yes. And I was also an athlete, too. Uh before I had to choose music, I was doing softball. I played softball from 4 to 8th grade and then my mom was like, "You're going to high school. You got to choose." I was like, "Music for sure." >> Yeah. You knew at a young age like what's that Tik Tok sound? Maddie knew who she was at a young age. At >> a young age at a young age. >> You said something that's so interesting about your mom because I had the same realization about my mom whenever I was in high school. You know how you would like get ready for the parties together and you'd all be in front of the mirrors and I had one of those closets that the doors are mirrors. Had a bunch of girls over. we were getting ready and they started like just tearing their bodies apart and like how what they looked like and all these things >> and like I grew up with a dad who like thought I could be president. So I feel like a lot of my confidence came from that and my mom never >> like growing up I don't remember my mom saying a negative thing about her body once. So I remember like so >> vividly that experience being like oh like cuz there was such a shift at that point because like girls are like wanting to get noticed. they want like the attention from like guys or wanting to start dating like it's a different age and I remember thinking like I never want to speak about myself that way because I think that that's why I feel better right now like I think but it really is it's like it's not even that like everyone is going to struggle with insecurities and body insecurities and like in any area of your life you're going to struggle with it but it is something I'm really grateful for with my mom is that I didn't have and now I see all the alma stuff and everything online I'm like I didn't have that growing up like she never She didn't comment negatively about her body at all. Like I never and maybe she didn't. I just didn't hear. I just don't have any memory of that. And I feel like it was so helpful. It's something that I really will be implementing as a mom. But honestly, it changed my life cuz I don't I try so hard to not It's also like I'm a Leo. Like I'm like I don't want to do that. Like I It's just a waste of my time. I'm like I don't want to, you know, and maybe that's unhealthy. Like maybe there's part of it where I need to, you know, >> I think we're able to I think everybody has their struggles and their insecurities, but I think >> where it helped both of us is that we don't fall into this. We don't spiral and we don't live there. Like >> if we have the thought, we're just like, well, damn, that was dumb. Like, why would I even think about that? I look amazing. Or however we want to approach approach the thought. But I think there seeing that there are people in our life that don't tear themselves down is is really um what's the word I'm looking for? It's pivotal. >> Totally. >> Because then it's like, oh, even if she did like like you said, like maybe behind closed doors, maybe she was, you know, looking at every single thing, but I don't remember her ever outright >> just being like, "God, these thighs." You know what I mean? Like I just never saw her do that. And um you said something about your dad saying that you could be president. My dad. Oh, my dad. My dad knew from the time I was really really little. Like I have a vivid memory. One of my earliest memories. I think I was like four years old. We were in the living room with a whole bunch of like my my dad and my mom's friends came over and all their kids and we're playing around and um he has a best friend named Eric and he also sings. And so when they found out I could sing, he was like, "Just, you know, sing a little something." And I just remember my dad wrapping his arms around me and going, "My daughter is one of the greatest singers. She's going to be one of the greatest singers I ever heard." Like, and I just, he has never wavered in his support and his confidence. Me, neither has any of my family. Like, my family was very, very supportive um in my dreams and in whatever we wanted to do, me and my brother. And um I just I part of the confidence came from that too, knowing that there were people that were like, "Go do it. We know you can and if this is what you want to do, go get it." >> And I think that's also very important because sometimes people aren't that lucky to have people who support their dreams. Totally. >> You know, sometimes, you know, there are still people who think that music is a hob. It's just a hobby or something that you listen to. It's not something that you can actually make a career in. Um I think times are changing. Well, obviously when you're Jordan Sparks, though, so I do think that they do that know that now, but but when you're starting something, I mean, they really like, you know what I mean? >> But they believed in it, too. So, I think that also really helped with the confidence in in that space. >> I'm not trying to get pregnant right now. And even if you're not trying to get pregnant right now, there's so much that you can do to support your body early. Fertility is also not just a woman's health issue. Male health matters, too. And We Neatal is great because it's one of the only brands that approaches fertility as a shared journey for couples, not just something for women to worry about alone. I always say confidence comes from keeping promises to yourself. And this feels like one of those small daily things that add up. It's a really easy habit to stack into my routine. It's just three capsules a day or just one scoop of their prenatal protein plus powder if that's even easier for you. 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Plus, RUA sticks with you throughout your journey, checking in to make sure your care is helping you move forward. Go to rua.com/hhouseguest to get started today. That is ruar.com/housegest for quality therapy that's covered by insurance. >> And I think even just around like the topic of like body confidence really so much of it is a mindset. It actually has nothing to do with >> not nothing to do I don't want to say that but I think a lot of it really is like mindset in that way of deciding like no I'm not going to like give into that but I feel like so lucky to have grown up in a house where I didn't hear about what I need to be looking at like numbers on a scale that kind of stuff. So it's like I also when people like even ask about I'm like I don't think I'm a good person not because I've never had an insecurity but because I was really lucky the way that I >> grew up. Yeah. You know, and even it's like I think when you have really big dreams, like how amazing it is it to have a dad who also had huge dreams and was able to do it. Like it's cool. >> He did it. >> He did it. And even if her dad by the way played in the NFL, but >> he did. He did. He did. He did for a little while. >> But I think like >> even if not like it doesn't need to be a family member. Like there's people around you. Like there's so many like friends of mine that are just inspiring and like look at what like I think it's really helpful to have like markers and people of like wow they really did that. That's so cool. >> Absolutely. something that I really want to talk to you about. Okay, here we are. >> Okay. Something because we have a shared love of some grandma hobbies. >> Yes. Yes. >> Something I wanted to talk to you about amongst like obviously our favorite topic of grandma hobbies would be like the relationship that you had with your mom growing up and we've heard a little bit about it, but you have just shared how much you learned from like the women in your family. >> Yeah. >> Can you share a little bit about that and like how they got you into all these hobbies? >> Man. Okay. So my mom and my nana um were always very crafty. Like I remember my nana, I grew up in Arizona, so mountains everywhere in the backyard and she would always hike. Every single morning she would hike. So that's a literal grandma hobby that I've inherited from her. I haven't been able to do it lately. But I loved to hike and that was something that I I really really love just admiring nature and things like that. >> And then my mom um she was always really crafty like and some of it was out of necessity and some of it was because she just loved to do it. But when I was born, my mom was working at a law firm and like she could only afford like 89 cent bean burritos from Taco Bell. And so like that's what I am built on. >> I was built by bean burrito. >> So good. >> Um and I she had to make my clothes. So she used to make some of my clothes. She'd buy like a little onesie and then she'd use the puff paint and she would just make like cute little things. And so I' I've seen some of those onesies actually. And then as we got older, she homeschooled us. I can't remember what year it was. For a few months, she homes homeschooled me. It might have been first grade or kindergarten, I'm not sure, but we used to make paperiermâché. And we would make paper and do the printing press and we put go pick flowers to put in the paper. Um, and then as I got a little bit older, it was scrapbooking. My mom loved to scrapbook. >> My mom did too. >> Oh, loved to scrapbook, which I think um fueled my obsession for like tiny things. It's like I love really small miniature things. I I I will squeal at anything tiny. Like I love it. >> You know, they call scrapbooking junk journaling these days. >> Oh, come on. >> That's the new thing. They've rebranded it like yoga pants to flared leggings. Scrapbooking, junk journaling. I know. >> Junk journal. I mean, I guess it technically means the same thing. Scrap. Okay. Okay. >> They rebranded. You know, Gen Z and their rebrand. >> Yeah. You know, um but yeah, so she was she loved junk journaling and um so I loved doing that, too. And we just used to do all of those things. Now, my nana was the one who baked and that was she was the one that got me into baking. I for a good 10 years like I thought I was going to go to pastry school even with um Idol and everything happening. I you know like I would stand across from uh dang I can't even remember the name of the school anymore. I don't even know if it exists. But I would stand across and like look through the window and be like I can't wait to do that. Like I'm gonna go to pastry school. And maybe I still will cuz I love that. Never know. >> Yeah. But um she vivid memories of her specifically at Christmas time. We would I would come in. I have this one memory of coming in and being like she had everything laid out to to bake all the things. And I'm talking about like she would make fudge caramels. She would make popcorn, uh caramel corn, um Mexican wedding cake cookies, she would make almond roa, which is my favorite, the toffee. It's so good. Like she would just make everything. So I walked in. And I was like, "Hey, Nana, I'm going to run to the store. You need anything?" "No, I'm good. I'll be fine." And I left for like an hour and I came back and just a smores board of everything. And I'm like, "You really have elves cuz how did you do this by yourself?" Um, but my mom and my nana were always in the kitchen. And I just I loved that. And we always met around. My nana had a kitchen island or it was, you know, the kitchen table at home. We would eat dinner together and like it was just where the conversation would happen or the release of like, "Tell me about your day." or um sometimes I would end up on the kitchen island with the turkey baster singing, you know, or we would play the music and my grandpa, we'd all be dancing. And so the kitchen was always a place where family came together and where you felt at home like most at home. So I want to make that type of environment. Um in my home as well, like we moved to a new home and we have this really lovely table and I was like, "Babe, we have to sit at the table for dinner." Like no screens, no tablet, no nothing. like we just need to sit down with each other and and have these moments. And it's been really lovely to be able to just sit and do that. And so I'm trying to make sure that that is something that DJ grows up with as well because it's it's kind of few and far between now cuz everybody wants to go out or you Postmates or you sit in front and watch your TV shows which I'm not saying that we don't do that. Um but I am trying to make the balance of it be more sitting at the table for dinner as opposed to sitting in front of the TV so that we connect instead of looking there. I think even like because there's so many people who listen to this show who are living alone and like single no kids like I think even I would just notice such a big difference in my life whenever I was single and living alone like making myself dinner and sitting at a table and doing stuff to like get off technology. I'm like wait I actually feel like I lived like it's so easy now to just be like scrolling on technology 24/7 or watching shows and just numbing out and not like you're not like living intentionally. I talk about this all the time when >> you're not checking in with yourself. >> Yeah. Like it's just, you know, I actually I'm not done with talking about confidence with you because I feel like there's really a lot here. >> Okay. >> I think I as much as it is like yes, it's something that is like kind of innate like okay you talk about checking in with yourself like to you what does check like checking in with yourself mean? >> Oo checking in with myself because I am similar to you in that we're very ambitious and we've got a lot of things that we want to do. Sometimes those things can become a uh what's the word? Not mask, but kind of like a wall. So you don't have to push past that. >> You're numbing. >> Yes. To see where what you're really feeling. Like we do it with scrolling, which is I feel like that's its own thing in itself. But there are ways to distract yourself from having to actually be like, am I really doing okay right now? like, am I actually excited about this or why am I feeling why am I just saying I'm excited but I don't actually feel it. You know, >> you kind of use it as an escape. >> Exactly. And um when you're ambitious, it's really easy to do that. When you're a workaholic, it's really easy to do that because you just focus on the next thing and you focus on um you know the the accomplishments and the things that are coming in or the next phone call you got to do or the meeting or the marketing plan or whatever it is. Uh so checking in for me is really just taking an assessment of like where I am emotionally. I think for myself as much as I am um uh goal oriented and ambitious and I will climb any mountain you put in front of me, I'm I also have a lot of emotional depth and I really need to feed that. And I've learned that a lot more in these last like probably 10 years of my life than prior and I really really have to feed that. Whether that's having a conversation where somebody like it's a deep conversation. It's really hard for me to do surface me too stuff. Like >> it's just kind of a waste of time. >> I know. >> Cuz I'm like I'm going to forget. >> Literally, we met and we're 20 minutes in. It's grief. I'm like, thank you. This is what I needed. Like >> I'm like finally like >> Yes. Being able to like, you know, get to all of those things is very important for me. But also emotionally like I got to cry. >> Yeah. >> I have to cry. I did it yesterday. I got in the shower and all of a sudden I just tears came to my eyes and I was like I'm just going to let them fall. You know why? Because they're already here and if I don't do it, it's going to pop up at another time. And so emotionally I need um I it's it's a very I don't know if it's double-edged sword is the term I'm looking for, but it's funny. I was talking to Dana about this and you know we were checking in with each other cuz I think in relationships you got to do the same thing like hey are we good? what do you need from me? Um, all of that stuff. And I was telling him, I was like, I really need to hear the words from you like, you're doing a great job or this was excellent or thank you so much for doing that. Like, I'm very much a words of affirmation person, which is funny because of my job. It's affirming all the time there. There's always applause. And it's not it's not that. It's not the attention or the applause cuz and it's not that I don't care, but what my husband thinks matters to me and he's the person I'm the closest with in the world. And so if he I need the acknowledgement from him. I could go all week hearing a whole bunch of different things and I'd be like, "Oh, thanks." But I want to hear those things from my husband and emotionally that just does something to me that I'm just like, "Okay, I feel taken care of in that way." Just like, you know, we're talking about love languages and things like that. Um, so emotionally I have to check in with myself so that I'm able to also explain what I'm feeling and not take it out on him or other people around me as well. >> No, totally. >> Yeah. >> Also, I mean, it makes sense cuz he knows you better than anyone else. So, it's really great to, you know, hear from all these other people who are saying great things, but it's different. you almost become like kind of numb to it because like I would imagine because you kind of have to like Yeah, >> I think people are always like you can't pay attention to the good and you can't pay attention to the bad because then you start to put your worth and I think that's go that's true for anyone like because then you start to put your worth in like what other people are saying about you and you really need to know that >> like on your own. >> Yeah. I have to know what I think about me. >> Totally. >> Yes. Yes. One of my favorite qualities in a person is when they are so like confident in themselves and they make everyone else feel more comfortable around them and you definitely have that trait. It's it's very like welcoming cuz you know when you're around someone who maybe it's like a false humility even or they're just like a little bit more insecure which like everyone deals with insecurity but the way you act out of it is different you know not everyone acts out of their insecurity but when you're around someone you're like oh I don't know if I could say this or I don't feel comfortable or literally I'm like it's like you're walking on eggshells that like it's cool because you are someone that makes other people feel com like confident and comfortable. I also think that I haven't I actually used talk about this on the podcast all the time. It was like okay take a shot every time like actually please don't. But I think like the world really to me is divided into like two different kinds of people and it's big thinkers and small thinkers. And with a big thinker they're like always wanting to connect you with other people. They're like wanting to put you on. They're wanting to help you. They you leave feeling refreshed or like your world gets bigger because of them. with a small thinker, >> they're holding on and grasping so much that they feel like they can't, >> you know, truly like be themselves or they're secretly wanting that person to, you know, maybe when they succeed, >> somebody can't shine brighter than them. >> Exactly. But yeah, not to their level, like that kind of stuff. And I just think one, I think that it all comes back to you when you're a big thinker anyway. And two, even if it doesn't come, it doesn't necessarily need to come back to you in a like a marker of success. I think it's really easy for like my mind to go there cuz I love to work and like have all these dreams and stuff, but it can come back to you in so many other ways like healthy relationships and friendships and happiness and love. Like I just >> peace on my pillow like oh my god it just makes you a happier person. But I do think so much of it is like checking in with yourself and all of those things. Can you talk a little bit? I actually wasn't going to tell you about or going to ask you about this but I'm >> You're so fun. >> I Thank you. Thank you. So, I am like I want to preface this by saying I'm very excited to turn 30. I'm not one of those people. I'm not one of those people who's like holding on to my youth or my 20s or anything. I'm like, get me out of this hellhole here. I would not go back out. Oh my god. You couldn't I'm I'm 28 in this exact time. You couldn't pay me to go back and do this and I'm living it. Like, there's no way. I'm in my life now. I'm so grateful for it and all the things. There's just been like so many. It's been it's been a dark decade. Um, but can you talk about your 30s? cuz I'm turning 29 in like 2 weeks >> and I just can't wait to hear like I'm just I'm just sad that I'm not turning 30, >> you know? >> I love that and it's really refreshing to hear somebody who's like that cuz I was like that. I was like I can't wait to get into this next decade. Um, I think partially because it's a little it's a little different because it with American Idol, I was 17 and for so long I was like America's sweetheart and I feel like a lot of people just saw me as that or didn't take me as seriously when I would like say something even um it just felt like it from all sides like family and all these different things and and work and it was just like okay so when I turned 30 I was like >> are we allowed to cuss on this show? >> Oh please. Okay. Cuz I >> Please, >> because I feel like this is a what I'm about to say is like really how I felt. I was like, "Nobody can say to me anymore." >> Yeah. >> No. Period. >> Yes. No one can say to me anymore. And I feel like your words hold more weight when you come out of your 20s because everybody always says your 20s, you're finding yourself and you get to make mistakes and blah blah blah. how you could do all this stuff, which is all true, but I felt so young and I just was like, I just want people to actually take what I have to say and it to hold and to to to carry um to feel not heavy in terms of like, oh my god, this girl is just like >> it holds a weight that means something. >> Yes. That it that it holds a weight that means something. So in any situation, so like when I would walk into a a label meeting or you know talking about um you know boyfriends or and I guess not boyfriends, I was married but um but like those decisions like it just really felt like a steel door went like there was no not to say that insecurities don't still happen and and questions and like really wanting to seek outside and get other answers because you always need to do that. I always want to surround myself with people who are smarter than me. >> But I felt like my no was no. My yes was yes. No is a complete sentence and I don't have to explain myself >> period. And it just makes everything it made everything so much easier. It also made um deci just making decisions easier which which led to protecting my peace and protecting um the my family my little family and also and this I don't know this might be controversial to say so I'm going to preface this with an apology if my family takes it personally but familial issues weren't my problem. >> Yeah. >> You know what I mean? Like >> my name is Bennett and I ain't in it. Like y'all got something to deal with. That has nothing to do with me. Like I am over here. I have my own little unit that I have to worry about now. And um >> you're kind of free from that in a way. >> Exactly. There there's a freedom in turning 30 that I think >> if you can open your eyes to not being scared, not talking about you, talking about the people who are listening who are like, "Oh my god, I'm dreading it." But if you can open your eyes to a different perspective, cuz like it's the same thing about worrying, right? What a waste of our imagination to worry, >> right? There are so many other things we could be doing with our imagination. >> And also like what this is so cheesy, but like we worry in the same way. We could just be like, "Oh, well, what if it all works out? >> Why don't we just channel it into that?" And guess what? If it doesn't, then you deal with it then and it's going to lead you to something else. >> What if it's amazing? >> What if it's the best thing ever? >> Exactly. What if your 30s are where you blossom? And I feel like too, just with because I've lived in an industry that is just all it's agism all over and it's it's so irritating. Um, it is what it is. And I just feel like we get told that 30 is old. And I'm like, >> crazy. >> I'm like, I am just not just now, but when I turned 30, I'm like, I am just now coming into this like I don't know. My my body feels like it's finally working the same way. And like my brain, everything feels clear. I have a clarity that I didn't have before. And I just think this I'm only going up from here. Like that's how I feel. It's not there's no downhill. There's no over the hill. There's no downhill in my mind. I'm just like I >> how what a blessing it is to be able to actually age like and we've taken it we've taken it and made it this thing that like oh don't have a wrinkle. God forbid don't have I have a gray streak that I love. I feel like um Rogue from X-Men. I love it so much. And I just like I'm just of the mindset that I embrace it all. And um there's a freedom in that too because then what can anybody say to me? >> Exactly. It's of course this happens to women. Of course this doesn't happen to men because when they age and they get they gray they're hot. Like you're hotter when you gray than men. Silver Fox. Like oh my god it's so crazy. But it is like I love anyone who's older than me. Like anyone like >> anyone like I've always been that way. It's like I would hang out with my grandma all my grandma this morning. like that is I think it maybe comes from growing up like really close to a grandparent too, but I've always loved that. I always say I'm like my I need I want a series on the show where I have people that are 75 plus because we just dismiss women >> even honestly like 40 plus. We dismiss them so much. >> Yeah. Like you I'm like bring the age down. I'm like and they have all the wisdom. They've had all the experiences. Sure. Maybe they bought a house in a different era or they dated before dating apps, but like there's so much like wisdom and they're barely any older. Like I love that's what another reason why I love hobbies or grandma hobby specifically because it puts you in areas or in you know communities of people that with women who are older than you and there's so much to learn from them and I think it is probably one of the best things I've done in my life not even really super intentionally. I've always like known I liked people who are older than me >> and also like older pe like actually like older people. But yeah, I think it's like one of the biggest services you can do and that's one of the greatest things about hobbies because you're able to like learn from them. And any woman that I talk to who talks about, you know, being in their 30s and 40s talks about it like it is the greatest thing that's ever happened to them. >> Yes. It's so great. >> They're like, I woke up in my 30th birthday and suddenly I was so much more confident. They're like, it literally was like there was like a shift. like stopped caring what people thought. I stopped like so much of it, which like maybe there's some sort of placebo in there, but who cares? If it gets the job done, it gets the job done. >> You know what's crazy? I turned 30 in 2020. >> Wow. >> Wow. So, how was that? >> It was it was actually wild because there was like from 30 to 32 33 the world it was just what is time like I was like so I kind of feel like I'm still even though I'm 36 I'm like I'm just going to subtract three years and 33. Like that's that's what I feel like cuz it was such a weird time. Um but I think within that, you know, being home and we were staying home, I I was able to just like >> I don't know. I just celebrated at home. We didn't have a birthday party, which was fine by me. I'm totally fine by me. And I just But I felt that way. Like even though the world was crazy, I was like, I feel really good. Like I feel great. I made it to my 30s. So many people don't make it, you Well, if you frame it like that too, so many people don't even don't even make it to their 30s. And so I it was just such a blessing for me and what you were saying about wisdom with with all of the women like it is really unfortunate because we are the best thing on this planet >> literally. >> I'm like nothing life doesn't happen like we are the portal through which all human beings come through. And I don't know who the person was that was like actually no that's not great like but >> I would like to step on their grave a little and that sounds really intense but I feel like it's damaged the way women in collectively view ourselves and there is so much wisdom and there's so much power as well in the wisdom and there's so much power in learning through the pain and the lessons and taking that and like alchemizing it and creating something different or even creating someone different within yourself. >> Totally. >> Like at any point you can decide anything you want. At any point you can change. At any point you can decide actually no, I'm not doing that anymore. >> At any point you can be like, you know what? I actually want to change my whole identity. >> You can choose a new path. You can create a new path >> at any point. It doesn't matter how old you are. It doesn't matter like status or any of those places. Although circumstances can limit or or provide >> and like starting points. >> Exactly. But at any point you can change and I feel like men always get that. >> And I'm not a I'm not a man hater by any means. I love my husband. I think he's amazing and I love the way he provides for me and he does so many things that I cannot. Um but women, we have to appreciate and um fan the flame of how amazing we are. We're just we're just we're just really really special beings. And um as we get older, as I see my mom grow and I see even my even my nana, not I don't even want to say even, but all the women in my life who as I grow obviously they're growing as well. and just seeing the different stages in their life. Like my mom doesn't take from anybody. >> I just know I would love your mom. >> Yes, you are the same. >> I would love her. >> Yes, she doesn't take from anybody. And she's she is also um pattern recognition like she can spot things so early. >> I always say patterns over potential actually. >> There you go. Yes. And so she has helped me work with with mine. I I think I've inherited that from her. Like being able to see things, even if it's years before the collective or before like the family or whoever it is like is like, oh, you know, well, there's this and we're just over there like, >> uh-huh, we told you that. Great idea. Like, that's glad you guys are. Yeah. Yes. So glad you made it. >> Um, but I love watching that about her and it's something that I admire so much about her cuz she stands her ground. She stands 10 toes down. Even if people think she is a nutcase, she will stand 10 toes down. And I love that because so many times people crumble in the face of somebody like questioning their belief or questioning their thought or opinion or idea and that is not my mom and so I try and implement that in my life as well. And my nana as well my nana is a little it's a little bit different. Her circumstance is different. She was married to my grandpa for almost 50 years and um he passed away a few years ago and for the first time she was single like in her whole life >> and it was so beautiful to watch her blossom and get to know herself even at 70 60 something late 60s and into her 70s like to to discover different facets of herself and things that she loves and there's a fearlessness to her that she has now that I didn't really see. Uh she had it, but it's just amplified now. And it's just so beautiful to see that. And so I'm sitting here at 36 like life is just going to keep getting better. So I'm excited. So I hope I hope this encourages anybody who's who's watching. It just gets better. >> I think people need to hear that. Like I need to hear that consistently. There's people that I look to as examples or even like if you are I I have like literally two podcast episodes of like people who achieve success like later quote in life of people it's like Martha Stewart didn't publish her first book till 41. her catering company till 41 or something like there's so many people that have >> different examples also like this is just something like random in like media and Hollywood something I've always been so drawn to Nancy Myers movies my entire life like my life is basically crafted around the holiday like Nancy Myers movies that have impacted me like oh my god her I mean it was definitely her daughter's PR team or her daughter's PR team from her Instagram account messaged me the other day I screamed I was like this is my Miley Cyrus >> totally dropped the phone like >> I was like oh my god she has a book coming out love her anyway obsessed but I I think what's so cool about Nancy Myers's movies is that she always censors it around a woman who is not in her 20s. >> It's always 40 plus. Yes. >> Or I mean I'm Cameron Diaz might be in her 30s and like The Holiday, but I love that it's around such a great movie. It's the best. But like it's complicated like something's got to have so many of them like they are older which I think is really actually very rare in Hollywood and it's a very cool thing that she like very clearly did intentionally. And I also think I mean Nancy Myers movies you think about like an Nancy Myers home and it like tells a story. It's a life that's like well-lived. Like that is you need those characters for that. Yes. But it is crazy. >> I think you would like ride or die. >> Okay. >> It's a new It's a new show with um Hannah Wattingham and Octavia Spencer. >> I'll be watching >> and they are in their I think in the show they're in their late 40s or 50s, but they are literally in their 50s and it's just it's it's >> love like that's what I need. She's a She's a She's a She's an assassin. Like, it's just so cool to see that. But but they're nuanced and they're layered and they're um you know, one has a life with a husband and the other is like you don't need like you know, there's just the two opposite friends that just >> really mesh well together. But I think you would really enjoy that show. It's so good. Shout out to you all because it's really good. >> Immediately I'll be watching that. Another thing going back to your mom who like doesn't take from anyone. I actually think we need to start normalizing that in women especially like I see this in business all the time. It's like I'm always kind but like I'm stern like there it's not even stern is like but again it's like I feel bad but firm >> gentle but firm is the best way to put it like you but it's again I think it's crazy that as like a woman you have to be so like >> oh even watching how I say that and it's like I I even like I like work with my fiance now and I'll be like oh was that he's like you literally couldn't have been nicer the fact that you're even doubting that cuz I'll get off and I'll be like oh was that bad or was that but it's like no like a man would do it no issue like the way he emails versus the way I email. >> Like even just small things like that. But I think it's like I always say I like a person who surprises you. So I my favorite kind of person is a southern woman with a thick accent who is not a pushover. >> Yes. >> Because so many like in the culture are because you're a little bit more docile. You're more >> you're the southern bell. You're the you're just you know you're taught to make yourself smaller. You're taught to make yourself quieter. you're taught to like really not speak like >> and it's cool to see someone who does the opposite and is like no you're not going to mess with me but like those people like have grit to them and have a point of view and like know where they're going and I think it's so much cooler than some sort of like false humility where you're acting like you're so kind but really like you just are like more insecure and you're kind of you know what I'm saying >> very passive aggressive like yeah I'm not good with that either. No, I I don't rather be direct like we talked about when you when you were with me like >> just just just be direct about it like >> yes >> even even so like obviously situational awareness like can this person handle >> totally >> the bluntness or directness and sometimes you kind of massage it in a little way but I don't want to sugarcoat anything >> because that's not going to help either one of us and I have that kind of mouth. Uh I it's funny because with my career I've you media training right? American Idol was like media training know how to speak da da do interviews I know how to >> package it blah blah blah >> um but I you know when I'm not on camera I'm very much like no I don't think that's a good idea. >> Mhm. There's nothing innately or inherently bad about what I said, but some people just can't >> take that. Oh, actually, I didn't like that or I that we could come up with something better. Um, but I think it's very beneficial for women to to practice that whether it's writing composing an email and never sending it. But you the act of actually saying your thoughts completely and fully in the way that you want to express them, I think really helps because you're right. A lot of times we're like, "Hey, no worries if not, but I was thinking maybe this could work and blah blah blah blah." And then I from the way that you do it, it's kind of like you're we just automatically fall back into that and we just it's comfortable there because it's like, okay, we've already said all these things and now there's no doubt that I'm a flexible person or that I am I'm a kind person >> and I will make it work for you. I'll make it work for you, which then and not intentionally from the person who's receiving that email, but it's like it's not their fault, >> right? In unintentionally or intentionally, they can be like, "Oh, well, I can do whatever I want. She's a pushover. My ideas are going to flow um or be the ones that are chosen or whatever she says, I can always go back and be like, nah." And she's going to deal with it, which it again situationally can work. But for somebody who wants to work on their confidence, we got to be able to be direct and be like, "Actually, I don't think that time is going to work for me. Can we change it to Monday?" Period. Done. Like >> I I also think like being direct is being kind. Being passive aggressive to me is one of >> I think like because when you're passive aggressive normally it it's coming from two places. The lesser of the two evils would be that you're just not super confident and you haven't built that muscle and you're too scared to speak up. Yeah. >> The more evil version would be that you're just like insecure and being mean and you're being intentional and you're like not saying what it makes you feel better. >> It makes you feel better. It makes you whatever. So either way, >> but that is not a kind way to treat someone because they're left like even like a very specific example like I'm a very dec one thing I know about myself. I am decisive. So, which is a good trait of a successful person because you can get things done. Like even with like wedding planning, they're like, "Thank God that's the best thing because most of the >> I don't want that thing." >> Yeah. Literally. And most of the issues are they're like, "We don't care if you like things or don't like things. We need to know the answers so we can go do our jobs." Even with like with a friend of mine working with designers, like I have learned a lot where he's like, "If I don't want to hurt someone's feelings cuz I don't love the design or something." I think that's something that I've had to be like to speak up more and learn cuz I didn't want to hurt someone's feelings and they're like >> but then you have to live with the desire. >> Exactly. And it and then they know or you don't use it or something and they're like I appreciate so much if you just tell me so then I can make the adjustments. I appreciate it in my own life when like if there's something that I'm doing in a relationship that's bothering someone and they're like hey cuz if they are being direct with me and I can make an adjustment and apologize and like take ownership and move on. I view that as like, oh, they really care about me. Yes. Because there's taking time to do that. Like, oh my god, I feel so loved. I hate that I made them feel that way. Let me fix that. >> Yes. And how can I adjust? Like, that has been a constant in my life as well, which I didn't realize. Um, relationally was something that really uh flowed and applied to my romantic relationships was before I did American Idol, I got to go to the show. I got to go when I was 14 years old and I had a sign that said, "Simon is always right." And I held it up. I held it up in the audience and I was like, "Yep." And for me, I loved all three judges. Please don't get me wrong. Paula, love you. Randy, love you. Um, love Simon, too. But I appreciated Simon's comments because he gave me something to work on. >> Even if his delivery might have been a little harsh, there was still something in there that I could work on to improve myself the next week. And I appreciate that. Also, I think it comes from being an athlete. Like, you always want to improve. You want to do all these different things. Um, and same in music. Like, you always want to be better and, you know, continue to grow. And I think that's really benefited me in my relationships because I'm just like, I just need you to tell me what I need, what you need from me and what I need to work on without trying to like skirt around it because I don't want to have to try and figure it out. Like if you know which again there's a level of emotional maturity that you need to be able to express what you need but if you know what you need from me whether it's friendships or business or romantic um or familial tell me and I will do my best to do that. If I don't know I'm not a mind reader. If I don't know, then we're just going to be in this weird limbo and that awkward tension where it's like, did I do something? But I don't know if I did something, but if I ask, it's going to be weird. Like, so I would just I'm just like you and I do have a Leo placement. So, I think that must be like my mom and you, my my other grandmother, my dad's mom, love her. She's also the same. Um, and so I I definitely think that that is something that I have really tried to implement in my life. Please give me something that I can work on. Give me something. Give me something tangible and don't sugarcoat it so I can just be like, "Oh, okay. You didn't like the way I said that. I will try to be better at wording my response when you need x, y, and z." Or, for example, me and Dana were listening to some music. he was doing some music and um I think I made a face or I said something which is really hard for me not to especially when it comes to music because it's just it's what I do and I am music like I feel it physically when I listen to something so I'll be like if I hear something or whatever >> and it frustrated him and then I was like I just think that this could be X Y and Z whatever I said and I felt the energy shift and I was like Okay, I was not trying to like I was not trying to hurt your feelings in this. And so I was like, is can you let me know when the best time would be for me to give you my comments or when you want to hear about like edits or you know what could be better, my thoughts? Um because I feel like that the timing was off with me saying it. I don't think it was what I said. I think it was when. And so we had this whole conversation and it went really long and then he was finally he finally was just like um I think just like maybe don't say it at this time. I said yes okay thank you. >> So we are on the same page. >> Yes. I was like great. That's what I was asking earlier. So then it's just nice and communication is obviously key. But um I was grateful that he told me that because now I know if he's going to play me something new, I got to I have to wait until not the first listen. >> Mhm. >> But at a different moment to be able to be like X, Y, and Z could be better or what do you think about trying this? You know, like little comments and stuff like that. Uh but it's interesting. But I I was grateful that he told me not right now. And I was like, okay, great. I also think it's interesting because like even just relationally it's like anytime you have a hard conversation if it's like two healthy individuals you almost always feel closer after it. >> Absolutely. >> Like I can't think of a single time that I've had a hard conversation with either my fiance or like people in my life or family members where I haven't felt closer to them after the fact. >> And it's like I'm so grateful that they were direct because it's like obviously we're all going to make mistakes. Like there's things that you do that you don't even realize that are you're not even like thinking about it that way cuz a lot of the time >> your intentions are not that but it doesn't really matter what your intentions were. You still made them feel that way. You know what I mean? So it's like and it's cool because it gives you I think it's also like a high achiever thing because again it gives you like the feedback that you can work on and get feedback. >> But it gives you a starting place of like oh well this isn't like we're not just throwing this away. I can fix this. Like that's not a big deal and now I know like and again like when we're talking about like being direct is being kind. It's not the people who are like, "I I'm not a I'm just honest." Like, that is so different from being direct and being kind. Like, you actually are just mean. That those are two different things. >> Very very different. >> Very different things. But being direct is being kind because that is how you you're like showing love and investing in that relationship. And like >> I think it's such a like I'm not into friendnemy friendships either. >> No. like and there are >> I feel like we see a lot of that today especially we say it in reality TV we see it on TV shows we see it influencers and all this stuff and I'm just like >> how do you how I just don't know I just couldn't do it I just I just don't know how they do it and it's very that passive aggressive like >> oh doesn't she look great I would never wear it but she looks awesome what excuse me >> you should be their like number one cheerleaders like there's not anything and it's also like where like just >> there's room for all of us to shine. >> Exactly. Like especially now in this day and age, like there is truly room for everyone. Like I don't And I also just think like not that you should ever be doing something you should never be doing something for someone for any other reason other than you want to do something kind for people. Like you don't you don't need to have like attachments and stuff, >> but I think >> just helping people and doing things for them like it makes you feel good because it's exciting to like be a part of the journey and to be like, "Oh my god, I see this and I know this part." Like it's a it is a good like this is like a scientific study that like as you do things for people it I guess it like makes you think that you like them more or something because it makes you feel good like there's something but I think it's just like all around >> it's a different kind of dopamine. >> Yeah. and all and it's cool to be like I think I especially in this career get so tired of myself cuz so much of it I'm like oh my god if I see myself one more time like I get that's why I love friend of mine cuz like having that brand I can do other things so it's less exhausting to me >> but I get so tired of it I'm like it's so cool to be able to like contribute to other people's lives like I think that's what we were like >> put on this earth to do you know what I mean >> I agree I absolutely agree with that >> do you ever get like bogged down by any hate comments like do things ever to you. Uh I'm not a person that like I don't ever respond to that type of stuff. Um there have been a few like in the beginning of mine and Dana's career again that was like almost 10 years ago. So things have shifted so much. Um but things I we talked about this I don't like being misunderstood. So if things are taken out of context 10 years ago, I would be like, "Actually, this is not what happened, blah blah blah, cuz it doesn't really matter cuz people are going to believe what they want to believe anyway." Um, so I would I would respond to a few comments like one time he had he posted a picture of one of his childhood friends, right? He had a huge smile on his face and this his uh caption was, "Only this girl can get me out at this time." And her arm was around him and they were having a good time. I thought nothing of it. I know this woman. I've met her. She's come over. She's awesome. um she's really kind and like they've never had a relationship like that. So I knew that but from the outside looking in people were like oh all this whatever they're going to make up. So I was like honestly guys I it was like okay I guess on a phone it was like this big but like kind of like a paragraph and I just was like it's really healthy to have other friends like we are not possessions to be owned and um so I was saying something like that but and normally I just don't really respond cuz I have to look at my life and I'm just like I love my life. I have a great life. I have a great career. like I don't need to go down to that level if that makes sense. >> Totally. >> Um there are times when I will get kind of anxious about something like if I post something and I know that it's something that is going to cause a little whatever not controversy but within my totally >> world my realm it's going to cause a little whatever. I refuse to look at the comments. I just won't do it. And I feel like that's a that's a muscle of self-control that I've been practicing because, right, don't Google yourself. >> And um I think it's really helpful because I already have so many things that I have to think about. I I have enough stress. I have enough like um not indecision, but decisions to make. I have I have enough of all that stuff. Like I don't need to take these people's comments and stress myself out even more. Um and again, being in the industry for so long, I've just kind of had to develop a thick skin. and I just kind of let things roll off my back to be honest. So I can honestly say that currently like the last five, six years of my life, maybe even longer than that, maybe like a year or two after I met Dana, um I just kind of was like, I'm done doing this because social media is what it is and it's always going to be that and there's always going to be somebody who has something to say. Um, and so I've I've really been practicing that muscle of just kind of ignoring it because I have too many great things in my life to let a stupid comment or a silly comment like derail me. You know what I mean? >> Especially from people who don't know you exactly. I think when you have a great support system, as you clearly do, it makes it so much easier cuz you know that you're not that. >> But it's so funny cuz I mean people who are leaving hate comments would also be like the ones that are going up to you in public asking for a photo. You know what I mean? like they would like Jordan like it's not it's so >> say it to my face >> literally and I'm like please I can take it. I think the only like if any if there's hate like online or like in real whatever the only time things get to me it's rare but it's like if I'm in a bad space and that is typically like how I actually realize that I'm in a bad space is I'll see something and it'll like kind of set me off for a second and I'm like oh and if it's like kind of a good limit yeah cuz I'm like oh I need to go cuz it's not about the comment it's like I'm all over the place and I don't feel good and you know >> exactly I agree with that. I agree with that too. I feel like that would probably be the same cuz I have been like I don't live there but there are moments where I'm like ew. >> Yeah. >> Like why did they say that? But then I'm like why do I care? >> Exactly. Like wait a second. Wait a second. >> Let me remember who I am. Damn it. >> Literally they just caught you on like a bad day. Yes. Exactly. And it's like this is exhausting. Okay. This has been so fabulous. My cards out the window. Didn't even need those. We had so many other things to talk about. I think this is a much needed conversation. This was good. >> I agree. Thank you so much for having me again. I'm so happy it worked out and I'm I'm obsessed with what you did with the place. >> Look, it looks so good. >> Thank you so much. >> I'm going to call you for help cuz I'm like I need these. I need Is this wallpaper? >> Yes, >> girl. >> I know. I need to see my garden guy, too. >> I need to know all the things. >> Yeah, I I've got some I got some things to send your way. >> Okay, we have some good ideas. Okay, thank you so much. We also did a podcast episode on your podcast as well. >> Yeah. What's your spark? >> So good. So, I will have that linked in wherever you guys are watching this, but thank you so much for coming on. Seriously, so fabulous. >> Thank you so much. Bye everybody. I hope you guys have a great day. Bye guys. Welcome back to Asking for a Friend and shout out to Jordan Sparks for an amazing episode. Um, as always, this portion of the show is sponsored by a friend of mine, my home and hobby brand. Y'all can use code housegast at shopfriend.com for 15% off your first purchase. Okay, dear Kinsey, I'm feeling very insecure and very lost right now. What the hell do I do? This is a very convenient episode for this. This is the one. There's so many things I could say about this one. I have so many podcast episodes where we've talked about this, but if I were to give anyone any piece of advice that helped me like whenever I've been in these scenarios because I feel like we're probably always going to feel this like off and on in our life. And that's one I think that's a good sign because it probably means that you're growing. Like if you're feeling lost or you're feeling confused, you know how to be the person that you once were. You know what I mean? And like that means if you don't ever feel that, you're never making progress. So, one, I think that's a good sign. Let's reframe. Two, there is a concept that I feel like really helped me when it came to like creating the life that I wanted to live and being the person that I wanted to be and that is identity capital. This is a an idea that I took from um the book The Defining Decade. And it's essentially the idea that like you don't find yourself, you create yourself. And you are made up of all the things that you love and the experiences that you have and like the hobbies that you do and your interests and all of those things. So when it was broken down like that, it made it feel a lot less overwhelming. And I wasn't like searching for someone that didn't exist. I was like creating the person that I wanted to be in the life that I wanted to live. That's really when like hobbies became a big thing for me. But I started doing things that like I had said I wanted to do for years. Like I'd wanted to like ride horses for years and I had moved back to Texas and I was like, you know what, I'm going to do that. I had wanted to take cooking classes. So I was like, I'm going to go do that. I am going to read. I want to be a person that reads regularly. I want to be someone who's not like scrolling on my phone. Whatever. So I didn't do everything at once. I did it very slowly over time. And sorry I said one thing. Last piece of advice I will say is that a thing that whenever I was feeling this at and I felt this a billion times in my life but whenever I was feeling in the worst time I was so obsessed with having certainty and I was so obsessed with like understanding and knowing and having some sort of control cuz I felt like having certainty was some sort of control in life is very uncertain specifically your 20s. It's such a weird time. You just have to leave it lean into the uncertainty. Once I started leaning into the uncertainty is when I started having fun and when I actually like figured out who I was because I was just trying different things. I think it's good to be lost and feel confused and just like not really know where you're going because that means that you are heading somewhere new. But I also think that you don't need to you don't need to figure it out. Like you don't need to have all this. I think you're going to figure it out when you're not trying to figure it out. As annoying as that sounds, you're going to figure it out slowly over time as you're building your like identity capital if that makes any sense. So anyway, I hope that was helpful. I love y'all so much and I will talk to you guys next Thursday.