Find Your PURPOSE, Craft Your Identity and COMMIT to YOURSELF | Tom Bilyeu

If you watch how somebody moves through the world, you are witnessing the aftereffects of their identity. I'm just dumb enough to make a lot of mistakes, but just smart enough to fix some of them. The one rule you need do and believe and believe only that which moves you towards your goal. Dying does not scare me. Putting myself out there, running the actual risk of hitting the point where I cannot generate enough ATP to continue to [ __ ] breathe, that does not scare me. What scares me is not being the person that I want to be. I think that quote is super powerful. Don't make me as extraordinary as a way to let yourself off the hook. So, I was not the person that anybody expected to succeed. Uh my mother didn't think I was going to succeed. My father-in-law certainly did not think I was going to succeed. And quite frankly, even I wasn't entirely sure because I didn't understand the game. I didn't understand what the process was to actually get better. Wherever you are in your life, however lost you may feel, there actually is a path that you can walk that is step-by-step where you're going to accumulate the beliefs, the rules, the identity, and the process steps that you're going to need to walk to accumulate the skills that are going to let you actually execute on your dreams. I wanted to stand up here and say like really sexy [ __ ] all the time that sounds rad in a clip, but the fact is that'll get you hyped and then you won't be able to do anything with it. And so, one of the key things we're going to talk about today is identity. And I'm telling you right now, if you watch how somebody moves through the world, you are witnessing the aftereffects of their identity, whatever they've built for themselves. So, right now, if you were at my house, if you guys think of the set that you're very used to seeing, if you were to turn the camera away from us and point at that wall over there, you would see a big painting of Michael Jordan. People always come in and they ask, "Tom, you a fan? Michael Jordan, the Bulls?" I'm like, "Man, I don't know [ __ ] Is he playing basketball? Is that what that is?" Cuz I don't [ __ ] know. All I know is the story of the flu game. How many people have heard of the flu game? All right. That's what I like to see. So, I don't follow basketball at all, but I hear this story about Michael Jordan that cements in my mind him as a true legend, not because of all the crazy stats and stuff that he put up, but because the night before like game six of the finals, he either gets the flu or food poisoning, probably food poisoning, maybe even intentional food poisoning, and he plays with a 103° temperature. Now, if you've ever had a 103° temperature, you know how real that [ __ ] is. It is all you can do to remember your name, to stay focused, and for him to go in and not just play, but put up some of the best numbers of the tournament in that condition. That tells you about the man's identity. That does not tell you about his skill set. There are a lot of skillful players who in that moment, they don't play. It doesn't even occur to them to play. Because their identity allows for that moment of weakness, and they take it. Or they may even think that the only smart thing to do is to sit this out, that he could really injure himself by going in and pushing at a time. I mean, look, if it's influenza, that [ __ ] actually kills people. So, to push yourself, and that's the advice you're going to get. And right now, I will tell you this is my flu game part three. So, I did a double episode of Impact Theory with the flu. I had a 102° temperature. It was [ __ ] insane. You literally are like dipping out in and out of like reality. It is so [ __ ] surreal. You guys know that feeling where it's like, "Yo, I am completely detached from what is going on. I see their lips are moving. I know they're saying some [ __ ] But, I don't know what the [ __ ] that [ __ ] means. And I've got to say something interesting and like actually hold this [ __ ] together. It was crazy. Poor Jim Kwik, who was my flu game round one. Jim took one look at me and was like, "Yo, this [ __ ] is going to die. You guys realize that, right? He's actually going to die right here in this [ __ ] episode." And if you watch that again, literally I'm like, "Jim Kwik, everybody." And then he just one run-on sentence for a whole hour episode. He was so afraid to let any of the attention come back to me. He was like, "Tom, I was afraid if I made you speak, you were going to break like right there." But, I had told the team, I said, "Look, I will never let this team down." That's identity. I will never let this team down. That is who I am to the core of my being. This is what I mandate of myself. Now, I don't want to play with the flu. I don't ever want to get the flu. But, if I get the flu you better know that I'm going to show up. So, I go in I do the two episodes. I do everything I can to make them a high-level intelligent episode worthy of the canon. We get through that and I think, "All right, I've got my flu game. That was really [ __ ] hard." Like, the prep was actually more difficult because I was so sick that day. I had 103 when I was the prep, 102 when I actually did the talks. And I was really proud of myself. And I thought, "Okay, I've done it. I've earned that flu shot painting now that I've got hanging up. And hopefully I never have to do that [ __ ] again." And then I get sick over Christmas break. I think, "Okay, it's good timing. A little lame cuz my family's in town. But get it out of the way, be all good." And it is It's actually I would say I get sick less than once a year. So, when I get sick, I think, "All right, we've got it out of the way. Now I definitely don't have to worry about this until next year." And so, you can imagine my surprise when like 7 days later I start coughing. I'm like, "Man, the [ __ ] is this?" And you know, at first you're like, "Did I just swallow funny?" And then an hour later you're still like, "Huh?" And so, I come home that night and this is what Lisa and I do. This is what we do if one of us is sick. And she was like, "Hey, why you giving me the head?" And I was like, "Yeah, you know, I've been coughing kind of funny. I don't know. I don't feel sick, but I am coughing. I don't want to get you sick, so let's just see how we roll." And then I woke up the next morning. And you know how you have those fever chills where like you're you're so uncomfortably warm you have to get the covers off you. And then you get the covers off you. And all of a sudden you're [ __ ] freezing to death in like .3 seconds. You're like, "How the [ __ ] did I body temperature can't adjust that fast?" So, how did I just go from sweating buckets to shaking uncontrollably? And so, then I'm trying to move around the house. And because I'm not sleeping in the same room with her cuz I don't want to get her sick, I have to like do simple things like get up to get a sweatshirt. and I literally my knees are knocking I'm so cold. I'm like [ __ ] man this is going to be rough cuz I'm staring at a double episode again, of course. And so at that moment I'm thinking Courtney I hate you. I hate you and everything you stand for Courtney. Because we're always trying to schedule two episodes at the same time. Now when I'm healthy, hey that's great cuz it saves money. When I have the flu, that's not so fun. So I tell the team look yep I'm going to rock it I will be there but I'm going to hide upstairs. That way I'm not going to get anybody sick so I'm just going to go upstairs between episodes. I'll do my thing warn the guest let them know that uh you know if I don't hug them or whatever it's not cuz I don't care it's that I actually care so much I don't want to get them sick. So they're like cool awesome yep no problem. I go in. Now the problem is if you guys have ever had like the proper influenza. You guys know about the the flu of 18 uh 1918? That [ __ ] killed like 60 million people. That's real by the way. Watch [ __ ] um Downton Abbey. They show no for real. They do a great job of cataloging. It's like hey World War I just killed a whole bunch of people how crazy. [ __ ] now everyone is dying of the More people killed by the flu than World War I. No one ever talks about the [ __ ] But people legitimately die of the flu. So I'm like all right I need to take this seriously. I need to get my sleep. This one is kicking my ass. I need to be careful. Roll up I do my episodes and I get them done and I think okay cool now I should have plenty of time to rest. I've got a weekend between now and then I'll rest up I should be good. And then here we are literally this is day eight of this [ __ ] This is like Ebola at this point. I cannot shake this [ __ ] And so I wake up this morning and people have been asking me for days now like, "Hey, how you feeling? How you feeling? You going to be okay for this? How you feeling? You going to be all right? We can always postpone. We can cancel it. Tom, just let us know. We want to take care of you." And I'm like, "Look, [ __ ] Let me introduce you to identity. You may have to wheel my ass out there with a [ __ ] IV. That [ __ ] could be real. But I'm doing the [ __ ] set. Thank you. That applause let me mask a really nasty cough. That was nice. Thank you. What is up, my friend? Tom Bilyeu here, and I have a big question to ask you. How would you rate your level of personal discipline on a scale of 1 to 10? If your answer is anything less than a 10, I've got something cool for you. And let me tell you right now, discipline, by its very nature, means compelling yourself to do difficult things that are stressful, boring, which is what kills most people, or possibly scary or even painful. Now, here is the thing. Achieving huge goals and stretching to reach your potential requires you to do those challenging, stressful things and to stick with them even when it gets boring, and it will get boring, and even when you might be afraid of the outcome if you fail. Building your levels of personal discipline is not easy, but let me tell you, it pays off. In fact, I will tell you, you're never going to achieve anything meaningful unless you develop discipline. If you're not already a 10 out of a 10 with this skill, and I use that word intentionally because it is a skill. You can build it. You can get better at it. Classroom Impact Theory University called How to Build Ironclad Discipline that teaches you the process of building yourself up in this area so that you can push yourself to do the hard things that greatness is going to require of you, promise. If you want to achieve your goals, this is the number one thing you have to focus on. As Jocko Willink says, discipline equals freedom. Right, click the link on the screen, register for this class right now, and let's get to work. I will see you inside this workshop from Impact Theory University. Until then, my friends, be legendary. Peace out. That's identity. And the punchline of tonight, so we try to do a different event every time. So, if you guys were to like deadhead with me and rock across the [ __ ] world and do these live events with me, you're going to see they're unscripted. I do them differently every night. They are based on the theme, ideally something that's really relevant to the exact people that are in this room. Back in a second, we're going to play a video that's going to kind of set things up. And the theme now, obviously, January, it's a good time to talk about resolutions. But making resolutions is not very [ __ ] interesting. Everybody makes resolutions. Everybody's got a dream. There are things that people want. I get it. You get it. But there was a recent study done that showed that 92% of all resolutions fail to stick. If that doesn't scare you, it should. 92%. I mean, that tells you something about the human animal. That is like a judgment on our species. But there is a trick in there that you can leverage to make sure that you fall into the 8%. So, I become obsessed with what the [ __ ] is the 8% doing that the 92% are not doing? And that's my whole life. Everything in my life is a result of putting myself into that 8% group that see things through. That is not my natural state of being. It's not like growing up that's what my parents taught me to do, nothing like that. I had to claw my way to figuring out what it is exactly that you have to do to take something from an idea that you find interesting enough to jot it down in your lined journal, which hopefully has the Impact Theory logo on it. Available out front. That's all the cheap [ __ ] Where I'm going to make my bones, where I'm going to make a name for myself or disappear into [ __ ] obscurity is this this is me. This is what has made me useful to a room full of people. I'm just dumb enough to make a lot of mistakes. But just smart enough to fix some of them. And I sit in this sweet spot. Like I don't know if you guys feel this way, but every time I get instructions on how to put like an end table together, I think they need someone [ __ ] dumber making these instructions. How the [ __ ] you're skipping steps? Like what the [ __ ] are you talking about? These pieces do not go together. I do not know what you're talking about. Seriously, that [ __ ] really pisses me off. To the point where I just in my house, if something is getting put together, I can assure you it's done by a little Greek or woman. Because I'm just going to get mad that the instructions were made poorly. Because you need dumber people making your instructions. So I'm that dumb guy that people set out into the world. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. I legitimately am just dumb enough that I have to make a whole lot of really stupid mistakes, but I'm then just smart enough to go, "Oh, okay, cool. There was a better way to do this. Oh, I see where I was blind. I see what I wasn't thinking of." And I can put that information together in what I think is the ultimate instruction manual on how to do just about anything. And getting my head around how to be in the 8% of people that see things through, that has been one of the first things that I've had to learn. It won't be the only thing that we talk about today, but the greatest pillar in that mix is going to be identity. One of the most beautiful things that has uh come into Lisa and I's life is this community. And this is Ooh, this is the beginning of something. And the only thing that would get Lisa and I to come out and travel and go around and spend this kind of time with people is the biggest benefit that will ever come out of Impact Theory. And I was telling the people that were at the dinner tonight. So, originally the employees wanted Lisa and I to name the company uh the Tom Bilyeu Show, Tom Bilyeu Studios, and I didn't want to do that. I didn't want it to be about me. I think I am a useful tool. I'm very verbal. Uh like I said, I'm dumb enough to make the mistakes, smart enough to figure out some of the solves. I knew that I could be useful at a certain phase of the company to come up here and explain this stuff, but ultimately, if this doesn't go beyond me, if it doesn't become your company, if you guys don't wear the logo with as much pride as I wear the logo, then the ideas themselves will never get out there. So, what we're trying to do is create an idea virus, and we hold every idea to one criteria. Does it make the person's life better? So, if you take an idea and implement it in your life and it makes your life better, then it's going to naturally get passed on to other people around want to know how your life is getting better. And so, that's what we want Impact Theory to be, and the people that we have attracted with the no [ __ ] approach of like, "Yo, this works." And I'll never back down from something that works. And because Lisa and I did not get uh famous for being famous, we've built companies, we had our head down for dec- decades, literally decades, with no sense that there would ever be a camera attached to it, just trying to build things of value that touch people's lives. And that was our obsession. So, that's what we got good at. So, for us, the the attention, the notoriety is all just a tool to get that idea virus out there and spreading. And so, when we get a chance to be with you guys face-to-face, to meet the people that are ultimately going to bring the most value to each other. Like, that's the juice for us. So, understand that the people that you're sitting around today that are to your left and to your right, behind you, next to you, those are going to be the people you're going to make connections with that are going to help you actually elevate yourself. Look, it's not a joke. There's a reason that people say that you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And one of the most frequently asked questions I get is where do I find like-minded people? So, that's precisely what we're trying to put together is a group an ever-growing group of people that hold themselves to a very simple standard, and that standard is does it work? Not does it sound cool on a [ __ ] t-shirt? Does it actually work? Not was it a an uplifting thing to write in your journal? Did it [ __ ] work? Like, are you actually moving towards your goal or not? And that is our obsession. I really, really believe that if people listen, there are simple rules, procedures, steps, beliefs that you can put in place in your life, and simply adhering to those things in a certain sequence will change your life forever. And the number one thing that we're going to be talking about at least in this context is identity. Now, here's the thing about identity. You get to decide who you're trying to be. And I'll say it like that because in the beginning anything [ __ ] interesting is going to be an I'm trying to be. It's not going to be who you are. Now, I'm going to throw out some really [ __ ] simple ones that will give you an immediate sense of just how much definition comes crashing down on you with these words. If I say to you my identity is that of the warrior. What does that make you think? I hear savage. I'll get down with that. No excuses. Beast. Goggins. That's got its own whole set of baggage. So, you guys see how quickly that one identity has like all this weight to it. It has dimensionality. It brings a lot of thought. So, if I say I'm a warrior and you mentally just fill that in with David Goggins and you're telling people I'm a warrior, then to be congruent, it's this thing this is an innate thing in the human animal. For whatever weird [ __ ] reason, humans want to be congruent. So, if you tell somebody you are something, then you want to act in congruence with that, otherwise it does not feel good. And if you say you're going to do something and you do it, then it does feel good. So, if you say I am a warrior or I'm becoming a warrior, whatever way feels good to you, might I suggest you're saying you are. I am a warrior. It's going to get you acting a lot more because here's what you need. One of the most important things to seeing a resolution or a goal across the finish line is not fun, it's not fluffy. This is the [ __ ] that leaves people in the 92% because no one kicks them in the [ __ ] ass and says, "Hey, [ __ ] you said you were going to do this and you're not doing it." And let me tell you, that's not okay. Welcome to the first couple years of my marriage. That's [ __ ] true, by the way. That is some real [ __ ] Let me tell you, this [ __ ] is not for play. I know she looks cute. She looks real [ __ ] cute and she hides behind that 5'1" [ __ ] But let me tell you, this [ __ ] is not for play. Is that a lie? And I am so grateful for that because I said one thing and I was acting another way. And look, she wasn't gifted at that moment of knowing exactly what and how to say and all that. So, we were clumsy through all of this. So, some of it I'm going to repackage for you. But the real thing was I wasn't being congruent and she called me on that [ __ ] The reason that people don't see their goals through is because it is [ __ ] hard to kick yourself in the ass. It's even harder to invite people into your life who will kick you in the ass and hold you to a standard because it's going to [ __ ] hurt. You're going to feel judged even if you have asked them to deliver that role. Even if that is what you want from them, it still hurts and it's still going to make you push back and it is still the realest [ __ ] ever. It is exactly what you need and without it you will languish in the 92% I [ __ ] guarantee it. It is the truth of the human condition. Consistency is what puts you in the 6% 8. I have the flu, bear with me. Plus, I never claimed to be good at math. If you want to get into that rare group that actually sees it through, it really is a game of consistency. And I remember when I first got into business and I began changing my identity. I used to say to Lisa a lot, I just need to hang on long enough to figure this out. I had an just like an intuitive sense that some of the battle was surviving the attrition. Because it just wears on you. And if you guys have ever watched Navy SEALs go through their training, Buds and Hell Week and all of that, it's really a game of where is your breaking point? Now, everybody has a breaking point. You need read no further than the Gulag Archipelago if you want to see everybody has a breaking point. But the question is how far back can you push your breaking point? How far out? So, if David Goggins says when you think that you're 40% of the way there or when you think you're all the the there, you're really only 40% of the way there. And I actually told myself that today cuz I was like, [ __ ] Man, when I woke up this morning, like I know enough about how energy is actually created in the body at a cellular level, so I know that while there is a certain amount of how you feel is make-believe, there's also a certain amount, if you don't generate ATP, you actually do die, no matter how hyped you are. You could be the most hyped [ __ ] and if you have no more mitochondria making ATP, you dead. You the most hyped dead [ __ ] ever, but you still dead. So, I was like, [ __ ] man. Am I going to be able to generate this energy like at an ATP level? Am I for real going to be able to? Cuz I know that I'll dig deep. I know that I'll show up. I'm not going to cancel, no matter how tired I am. That That is outside of my identity. So, I know all of that's off the table, but is there Am I going to encounter that moment today where I'm like, I reach for the energy and the energy simply is not there? And then I remembered Goggins saying, "Man, when you think you're spent, you're really only 40% of the way there." And I thought, all right, we're good. And it's true. And that's where getting into that consistency of all the times you don't want to do it, and then recognizing, depending on what your identity is, that your identity mandates that you keep going even when it sucks. And there is There is some In fact, I I'm going to give you I'm going to give you the gift of a visualization. And this is the visualization. You have the flu. You have a temperature. It's a shitty flu, too. It's that shivery stuff. It's shivery one minute, baking the next. Nothing tastes good. It's all horrible. Your hound is Your head is pounding. And you've got something that you have to do that day. Can you all imagine that? That feeling of like, there is no staying in bed today. It's what I should do. It's what I want to do. But it's not an option. And in this moment, I'm going to change your life with this [ __ ] And I really do mean the following sentence. Tonight will change you if you let it. If you let what I'm about to say become your default answer, the rest of your life will be different. I am not kidding. So it's in that moment. Whatever it is, maybe it's a funeral. A death in your family. So you know you have to go. Or maybe this is your last chance to see someone before they die. Or maybe this is your child's graduation. Whatever is that level of importance to you. And you feel like 10 lbs of ass, and you don't know if you can get out of bed. And in that moment, you're going to know to the core of your being there's nothing in this [ __ ] world that will stop me from going to that. Certainty. There's nothing. There is nothing more intoxicating than certainty. When you know about yourself, let me tell you, I will [ __ ] show up. I give my wife the look sometimes because she's worried about my health. She's worried about my longevity. And I'm worried about one [ __ ] thing, and this is the truth, and I invite you into my madness because this madness will take you to places you cannot [ __ ] imagine. And they are all glorious, my friends. And my madness is this. I know who the [ __ ] I am. And if I have to face down death to be who the [ __ ] I am, then I will face that down. And that does not scare me. Dying does not scare me. Putting myself out there, running the actual risk of hitting the point where I cannot generate enough ATP to continue to [ __ ] breathe. That does not scare me. What scares me is not being the person that I want to be. And you need that kind of pressure. So, you want to see your goals in 2020 come to fruition? People better be [ __ ] worried about you. You better act like a goddamn psycho. And when my wife comes to me and tells me, "Hey, maybe you shouldn't come. Maybe you should just relax." I don't even say a word. I just do this. And she knows, "All right. All right. All right. Fine." And then usually says something like, "It's your ass. If you want to be tired, you be tired. Just go be sick in a different bedroom." No, my wife is crazy supportive. She does make me give her the look sometimes, but there there are ride or die people in this world and she is definitely one of those. I will give her that. I will give her that. Almost more than the words that I'm saying, I want you guys to pay attention to the amplitude with which I say them. So, first of all, there's a really weird thing in your brain where your brain is retroactively justifying the amplitude of your expression. So, if you freak out that someone cut in front of you in line, then your brain's like, "Yeah, that [ __ ] is [ __ ] crazy, man. That's practically genocide, homie." Be careful with that cuz that actually that is what your mind does. It's like, "Fuck. Jesus, we just reacted really big. That must be some crazy shit." So, make sure that it actually is some crazy [ __ ] because I see people flip the [ __ ] out over some really stupid [ __ ] Conversely, if you don't want something to be a big deal, this actually works. Then just don't react big to it. Just be chill about it. LIKE, [ __ ] TOM, YOUR LEG, IT'S [ __ ] off. Yeah. That's going to take some stitches. It's all good though. I've got two. If you have that kind of chill response, like you will be shocked the things you can get through. In my company, which I could hey, apparently you guys know, Impact Theory. In Impact Theory, we take these tests. And it tells you about your personality and you get a score. And one of the things you score on is like a calmness reading. Now, by nature, I will not say that I'm a calm person. By nature, I will say that I'm afraid. That's how I came up. But I have chosen a new identity that does not allow me to react with fear. I understand the mechanisms of the human animal. I believe in them. I don't see any reason to try to pretend that they're not real. So, I know it is a truism that my brain will retroactively try to justify whatever level my reaction is. So, if I give a big reaction, it must have been that important. And if I give a chill reaction, then it must not be that big of a deal. And I have found in the moment where you most want to panic, downshift that [ __ ] And literally just click into another gear. Slow down. Normally, nine times out of 10, when I'm doing something, I'm trying to speed my brain up. And I can feel that [ __ ] happen. I can feel it go into another gear. And I know if I start talking right now, I will be able to talk much faster than I could maybe even 30 seconds ago because I'm giving my brain that command to speed up. But in those moments, I slow that [ __ ] down. I talk slower. I move slower. I use a different register in my voice. A different level of intensity. I'm not pushing my words out. I'm even doing different [ __ ] with my face. And then my brain is reading it as oh, this isn't that big of a deal. And you start doing that enough and that emotional control that Lisa talked about that I didn't have at the beginning of our relationship, you begin to realize just how malleable all of this stuff is. That's how you begin to piece together the truth behind owning I'm a warrior. Now, you don't have to use that word. You want to pick something that matters to you. But let me tell you, warrior was good for me in the beginning because I felt like I was anything but. But I had just gotten married and I felt an overwhelming sense of obligation to be able to physically protect my wife. Hey, you say it's some old school [ __ ] if you want, but that mattered to me tremendously. And so I started hitting the gym. I started hitting the gym with one thing in mind, which is if somebody came and was trying to do something to my wife that I would be able to stop it. And so I started telling myself, I am a warrior. I'm here to protect you. No matter what, I would lay my life down for you. I don't think there's anything This is not a joke. I don't think there's anything I have rehearsed more times than getting myself in a situation where I kill some [ __ ] trying to get to my wife cuz don't rehearse dying for her. That's That's not the one you want to be good at. What do you do when surrounded by 200 enemy soldiers and you're all alone? You kill them all. I don't even understand the question. And so I would practice that in my mind over and over and over and over and over. And the more you rehearse something in your mind, the more it begins to entrench. Your brain is literally going through a myelination process. It is connecting pieces of your brain. Cuz what your brain your brain is like this weird sketch thing that's constantly shifting back and forth between being an active species going out and exploring and gaining mastery over your environment. And then on the other hand chilling on the couch and eating a bag of chips. You guys with me? That's because your brain sucks up a lot of calories. It is crazy. It eats up something like 20% of your calories, but it's like 3% of your body mass. So the brain is calorically very expensive. So you have genes that both propel you to go and pull you back to stop. Because in ancient times you were not going to come across as many calories as you needed to keep things going at all times. So you have this constant interplay of go and stop. So that's why I will just tell you, by nature I am super [ __ ] lazy. For sure 100% not like, "Oh, laziness is in my past." Like that [ __ ] is Flavor Flav style clock I wear around my neck at all [ __ ] times. That is just true. I wish that it was not. That would make life a lot more fun. But the fact is that I'm super [ __ ] lazy. What is up my friend? Tom Bilyeu here and I have a big question to ask you. How would you rate your level of personal discipline on a scale of 1 to 10? If your answer is anything less than a 10, I've got something cool for you. And let me tell you right now, discipline by its very nature means compelling yourself to do difficult things that are stressful, boring, which is what kills most people, or possibly scary or even painful. Now, here is the thing. Achieving huge goals and stretching to reach your potential requires you to do those challenging, stressful things and to stick with them even when it gets boring, and it will get boring, and even when you might be afraid of the outcome if you fail. Building your levels of personal discipline is not easy, but let me tell you it pays off. In fact, I will tell you you're never going to achieve anything meaningful unless you develop discipline. If you're not already a 10 out of a 10 with this skill, and I use that word intentionally because it is a skill, you can build it, you can get better at it. Class from Impact Theory University called How to Build Iron Clad Discipline that teaches you the process of building yourself up in this area so that you can push yourself to do the hard things that greatness is going to require of you. Promise, if you want to achieve your goals, this is the number one thing you have to focus on. As Jocko Willink says, "Discipline equals freedom." Right, click the link on the screen, register for this class right now, and let's get to work. I will see you inside this workshop from Impact Theory University. Until then, my friends, be legendary. Peace out. So, I have to recognize, okay, there's a reason for that laziness, understand how it works for and against me. And one of the ways that it works for you is your mind is always trying to decrease the cost of things that you think with frequency. So, be very careful, my friends, whatever you think repeatedly will hardwire, so it becomes more energetically efficient to think that thought. Now, the brain, when in neutral, will do what? Think. You ever once sat and just found yourself an hour later going, "Well, [ __ ] I didn't think about anything for an hour." Isn't that meditation? No, you're like, I have to [ __ ] grocery shop, I got to go get the kids, I think I'm getting a little fat. Like, this is That's the real. So, in neutral, your brain will cough up thoughts at an alarming rate, non-stop violence, but it's going to go to the least energetically expensive thoughts it has, which is why you loop around the same [ __ ] that dumb person that dumped you when you were 14 and you're 46 and you're still [ __ ] on that [ __ ] It's like, why the [ __ ] am I still This is crazy. They're in an old folks home now. The [ __ ] do I care? But you care because that became the easy [ __ ] to think back when you were 14 and really gave a [ __ ] And so now it's just there because you've hardwired it and you keep looping on that [ __ ] and you don't do what's called pattern interrupt. You got to pattern interrupt that [ __ ] And you've got to not only break up the old pattern, you've got to give it a new pattern. That new pattern should be something around your new identity. So you're going to start repeating that [ __ ] to yourself. So if you want to know what identity you need to take on, it better be something that's going to help you with your 2020 resolutions. Whatever your [ __ ] goals are. Who do you need to be to make that [ __ ] real? And now imagine this. This is the [ __ ] greatest news I'm going to have for you all night. This is the greatest news anyone is ever going to have for you. Whoever you can imagine. And I used to imagine Bruce Wayne. Whoever you can imagine, you can become. Well, step one for Bruce Wayne. Get rich. What was the entire first arc of my life about? Getting rich. The only difference was I actually believed I could do it. And so I put all of my time and energy into making that real. And because that was the thing I was focused on, it was the identity that I had. I used to think about him, read the comics, obsessed with Batman. Lisa and I's first dog was named Batman. I [ __ ] obsessed, man. I wanted to be that [ __ ] Now I picked him obviously because he had only real human abilities. It seemed far more attainable than trying to like figure out how to fly and [ __ ] like that, which I'm not ruling out by the way. Hey, let me tell you, put Elon Musk on that [ __ ] long enough, something tells me. But you have this vision of who you want to become, and you can actually become that person. It is the systematic acquisition of the beliefs, the rules, which we probably won't have much time to talk about tonight. But the the sadness over the rules. Not not the one that I expected the the sadness over. Well, we'll have to do some rules at some point. You have to know what you do and don't do, what you do allow and don't allow. And one of the things that I know a lot of people struggle with is um self-doubt. So, if you guys look at the 25-point bullet belief system, the impact theory belief system, I use those a lot of times as rules. So, some of them are like the perfect rules. We only do and believe that which moves us towards our goals. Now, if you adopt that one right now, in fact, for tonight, the one rule you need, cuz this [ __ ] will get you where you want to go. The one rule you need, do and believe and believe only that which moves you towards your goal. So, if you find yourself looping around what a piece of [ __ ] you are, how stupid you are, how much worse than everybody else you are, how everybody else does things more easily than you. If you find yourself in that loop, one, remember the more you repeat it, the easier it becomes to think, which means you're going to think it more often, because your brain in idle is going to kick up a lot of thoughts, and it's going to go to the ones that are most energetically efficient, which will be whatever the [ __ ] you've been thinking about for the last 10 years nonstop. So, that negative loop is real [ __ ] easy to play. It's like a DJ that only has one [ __ ] track. But that's it. Gets real easy to play. So, it's going to be looping around that, and you're going to have to ask yourself one simple question. Does believing that I'm a dumb ass move me towards my goals? If it does, then I'm going to do it, because I have a rule about that [ __ ] And I do and believe anything that moves me towards my goals. If, on the other hand, and if I had to hazard a guess, I'm going to guess that it does not serve you to believe that you're a dumb ass and that everybody is better than you. That just seems like a shot in the dark. Now, occasionally you may want to use a little bit of that pain to get you going. That's some advanced class [ __ ] We're going to set that aside for a second. For right now, I think we can all agree that it would far better behoove you to say, "I can learn anything I set my mind to." I'm not going to waste time worrying about whether I'm a dumb ass right now, because I know this. I do not have to stay a dumb ass and I can learn whatever the [ __ ] I need to learn in order to get to my goals. So, that is one of the rules that will come to your aid all the time that will pattern interrupt that negative thought that you're having, that will stop it from being the easiest thought to think, because it stops being the most frequent thought that you think. Now, building your ultimate sort of version of yourself is a very complicated endeavor. But, if you get the identity right, you're probably 60% of the way there. So, figuring out exactly who you want to become and then believing that you can actually become that person. And by all means, pick somebody who's real. You don't have to pick a fictional character. Hey, be Tom. Be I I love that. So, here's the thing. Now, you want to identify what are the things that make Tom Tom. Okay? Number one, [ __ ] tenacity. Okay? This guy, he's like a dog with a [ __ ] bone. I don't know what this What is with this guy? You're already rich. Sit the [ __ ] down. Why you doing all this? Right? So, I am inhumanly driven. I have a psychotic need to matter. Why? Like, what's that all about? Dude, it's like a sickness. Get a [ __ ] therapist. I hold myself to a crazy high standard. I do and believe that which moves me towards my goals. I have the identity of a learner. So, I have a whole obsession around being anti-fragile. You could do a lot worse. Like I will say as an archetype of an identity, I've cobbled together some really useful [ __ ] So, I'm all for that one. But it certainly does not need to be that. It can be also a class like warrior instead of someone very specific. It can be a class that's a a known name, but you give it very different specifications of what you expect from that person. But you need to have a clear sense of what that person does and doesn't do because this is meant to be a filter for your behavior. This is meant to be the thing that's going to come to your rescue when you have a 103° temperature, but you still have something that you need to do. It is going to be your identity. So, your identity has to give you these huge rewards. In fact, if you look up the word discipline, discipline comes from an old French word discipline. Huh? Jeremy, how'd I do? It's actually true. It comes from that word and it's all about basically developing enough self-control through punishment. You can look this [ __ ] up. That you build enough self-control through punishment that you can follow a set of rules. That's literally what discipline is all about. Discipline has like a a more militaristic connotation, but it is really about punishing something until it falls in line. Punishing something until it falls in line. And humans are really [ __ ] bad at this. People get all up in arms when I talk about punishment, but until you learn to punish yourself, you're going to be in the 92% of people that never see [ __ ] through because you're not putting enough [ __ ] pressure on yourself. You don't want this [ __ ] badly enough. There aren't big enough consequences on the other side. And until this is like a [ __ ] must have, why would you do it? It's [ __ ] hard, and you have a voice in your head screaming at you to sit on the couch and eat potatoes. That's the [ __ ] thing. You're up against that [ __ ] So, this is about building this like intense must have in this [ __ ] And like, if you're going to model yourself after me, let me tell you, the ability to build desire, that [ __ ] is my like secret [ __ ] weapon, man. I can go from not caring about something to it's my [ __ ] life, I'm not kidding, in like 45 minutes. Because I know the mechanisms. I know the mechanisms of the way that the human mind works. I understand what I call the physiological hooks that you can reach in there and alter your physiology. If you've never done this before, [ __ ] meditate, for the love of God. Because the simple act of breathing through your [ __ ] diaphragm will move you out of the sympathetic nervous system and take you into the parasympathetic nervous system. It is a [ __ ] seesaw. You cannot be both [ __ ] amped up to the high heavens and fight or flight, and at the same time be rest and digest. It doesn't happen. You're one or the other. It is the way nature has designed the [ __ ] system. So, you are either going to be in fight or flight, or you're going to be in rest and digest. And by breathing through your diaphragm, you can change it? That is so [ __ ] weird. I can't believe that that is true. And for years, I didn't meditate because I thought it was too feminine. And finally, Mark Divine, a Navy SEAL, pulled me aside and said, "Tom, stop being a dumb ass. I literally kill people for a living, and I'm telling you meditation is the [ __ ] All right. All right. I'll stop being a dumb ass. And I sat down and literally from the first diaphragm breath that I'd ever taken intentionally, I could feel I could feel myself in real time moving into that re- relaxed state. And I was like, [ __ ] man. As somebody dealing with anxiety, I just could not believe how it was pulling me in this new direction just by breathing from my diaphragm. And warriors say that the abdomen is the soul of the warrior. And I suddenly understood why that was true. It is the place that lets you center yourself. It's the place that lets you find calm in the midst of a storm. That is a physiological hook. Now, there are physiological hooks to go the other way that make you feel more aggressive, right? I could [ __ ] drum up here as like cartoon characters, right? You can look at somebody's posture. Somebody's sitting back in a chair all relaxed, right? That person's not about to get up and attack. And then if I do this, this is mine, man. If I'm sitting at a table and I need to get real [ __ ] into I'm actually about to break this microphone. I start tensing my muscles. If I bring my chin down in your presence and I start looking up, then know I've moved into a different zone. I'm ready to [ __ ] attack. I'm ready to do this, whatever this thing is. Let's get after this [ __ ] And just doing that and just tilting my chin down, putting my forehead out a little bit, gritting my teeth, gripping my hands, making a fist, leaning forward, projecting my voice, speaking from my diaphragm, all of that stuff begins to transform how I [ __ ] feel. It isn't just how I'm acting. It is this weird reciprocal loop that the more that I act like that, the more my brain's like, [ __ ] yeah, this Let's go, [ __ ] We got this. You get into that zone, you can actually feel yourself changing from a neurochemical place. And this is this Oh, man. I really want you guys to hear this. You've got to [ __ ] puppeteer yourself. You've got to puppeteer yourself. And when you start doing that, you will step into this whole new world of realizing that your body does not have to control you. You can leverage your body. I won't even say control it. You can leverage your body to get into useful neurophysiological states. From those useful neurophysiological states, you can then attack certain problems. I'm going to ask you guys a question. Who here in the span of a single day has ever thought I'm the [ __ ] man or woman. And then in that same day thought, Nah, I'm I'm a [ __ ] [ __ ] I was wrong earlier. I'm [ __ ] dumb. All right. Who's ever gone through that cycle in a single shower? I have. Like a [ __ ] thousand times. It's crazy. Now, the thing that I noticed is if I were to act when I'm feeling like a [ __ ] who? I'm timid. I'm far less willing to take a big risk. Bold ideas don't even come. I'm I'm not going there. I can feel there's a contraction in your mind. It's probably not literal, but it does feel literal. It feels like things are shutting down. Your shoulders come forward. You just feel smaller. The neurochemistry changes in your mind. You're probably not thinking as fast. Like, do you guys feel that as really as I do? Like, there is a real consequence when my mind slips into that zone. Now, flip it. I have made a living out of finding ways to get myself into that power mode where I feel like, "Yo, I'm a [ __ ] badass. I got this." And largely, by the way, through rules. Like being decisive. I have simply demanded that I be decisive. Now I've made decisive decisions that cost me hundreds of millions of dollars. Okay? So, I'm not saying it's all upside. But I am saying that I would never have been in a position to lose hundreds of millions of dollars if I had been afraid to make decisions. So, you've got to understand how to get in there, how to puppeteer yourself so that you're not at the whims of why one moment you feel like a stud and then the next minute you feel totally weak and incapable. Because I'm telling you, you're going to mood swing through it all. Sometimes you're going to be up, sometimes you're going to be down, and you've got to find a way not to just be along for the ride. You've got to find a way, whether it's a [ __ ] song, which man, I don't know about you guys, but there are just some songs that do it. I just can't feel like a loser with certain songs. You should have seen this woman getting herself hyped to come up here and do this intro. Literally like 20 minutes of like a Jazzercise class. It was [ __ ] crazy. I was impressed. Everybody's got a song that gets them to the place that they need to be. Or if it's not a song, whatever it is for you, bench pressing, drawing, skipping rope with your puppies, I don't know. But whatever your thing is, you've got to find it. You've got to find that thing that makes you powerful. You've got to be on the lookout for it because you've got to be at will to be able to step into that if you want to see your goals through. That's the [ __ ] truth. The reason that people don't see their goals through is so multi-faceted. There are so many things that are coming at you. You're going to get bored. Your goal isn't going to seem cool anymore. You're going to kind of forget that you had it. It's like, "Oh [ __ ] yeah, I was going to do that." The kids are going to get sick. You're going to have too many business trips all at once. You're going to be uh fighting with your spouse, the car breaks down, you can't afford to get it repaired. Like just on and on and on and on and on. There will be this onslaught of reasons not to do the thing that you want to do and it's so easy to put off because you didn't take the time to tell other [ __ ] what your new identity is. So you can imagine when Tom decided he was a warrior and that he was going to start lifting weights, if my body wasn't changing, that would have been a pretty obvious thing. So I remember in the beginning, "Yo, do I really tell people?" Cuz if I don't tell, they don't know. And then I can just say scrawny. And then I remember thinking, "Fuck. I want Lisa to see me naked. And she'll know. All right, so I guess we'll hit the gym. Start doing our thing. And so I started telling everybody that would listen. Like to an embarrassing level. Anybody that would listen. "Yo, I'm going to look like Hugh Jackman in X-Men. This is going to be the shit." This This sort of dates when this all happened, but I was like, "I'm going to look like Hugh Jackman." Oh [ __ ] Look at that. There it is. The rage that you see on my face, by the way, you're going to think I'm kidding, but I'm not. I would imagine exclusively my wife being attacked. That was quite literally I hate working out more than you can imagine. So I had to find some way to connect to it. So I used to stare at her with like all this fury and rage and she would catch me from across the gym like Hi, I know what you're doing. It's nice. And then just go [ __ ] at it. But it worked. It worked. And that That is how Yep, you stay consistent. There it is. Uh well, thank you. Funny story, just to really derail for a minute. So the photo on the left, right, your left, um I did not ever expect that to be the before photo. So, I'd been lifting really hard and getting big. I was on what they call a seafood diet. If I saw food, I ate it. Uh it was actually horrible. That sounds like it would be fun. It is not fun, I assure you. If anyone's ever had the meat sweats, you know what I'm talking about. And went to see a friend that I hadn't seen in years, literally years. So, I go from like a buck 55, a buck 60, maybe, to 230 lb. I wear my tightest T-shirt. I expect her to be like, "Oh my god, you put on so much muscle. This is [ __ ] crazy. I can't believe it." And she says nothing. Not a word. From 160 to 230, not a word. That's 70 lb, [ __ ] I was like, "What?" And so, I say to my wife when we're leaving, I'm like, "Man, that's crazy, right? She didn't say anything about it." And Lisa goes, "Oh, maybe it's just cuz she thought you got a fat." I was like, "Bitch, are you for real? Why didn't you tell me? Fat? Do you mean?" So, I was like, "All right, take the [ __ ] before photos. And don't ever let it get this far again." So, then began the hateful part of transforming, which is getting lean. Yeah. Anybody here have a weight loss goal for 2020? Nice. I was probably the most popular goal. Um and weight loss is is brutal if you do it wrong, and magically delicious if you do it right. So, I did it wrong. Hey, remember staying true to my persona here, being just dumb enough to uh have to do everything the hard way. So, I did what they call rabbit starvation. So, for 2 years, I ate literally nothing but protein. So, I had boiled chicken breast and steamed broccoli. Now, I have crazy discipline. That That I will give myself. Once I set my sights on something using identity and some of the other things we've talked about, I'm going to see that [ __ ] through. So, I knew I was going to get lean. I'd always wanted six-pack abs. So, I boiled chicken breast, steamed broccoli with basically no cheating. I won't say never, but man, it was rare. It took me 2 years to do it, and my wife finally pulled me aside once early in our marriage. She said, "Hey, you're now working so much that you're damaging the marriage." And then she pulled me aside again and said, "P.S. You no longer have a personality." And I was like, Oh god, I can't take any criticism cuz I'm so hungry. So, after talking me down, crying in a like huddle in the corner, uh I finally was like, "All right, this is probably true." And my joints hurt so badly, which rapid starvation is terrible for literally everything except your abs. That [ __ ] I will give it. Very good for your abs. Uh murderous. But, there are far cooler ways. I won't go into that, but I will say that if you're going on a weight loss journey, the only thing I'm going to remove from you entirely 100% is excuses. Okay? People on a weight loss journey, the number of excuses that your mind will kick up because it does not want to go through this change, which will be hard. It is as hard as you think it is. It's just not impossible like most people will be tempted to believe at one point or another. I certainly did. I became convinced that I just ate. Look, my whole family's morbidly obese, baby. It's just never going to happen for me. I'm just not built like that. And I used to get so mad at her. This [ __ ] she can eat like Coldstone ice cream and like not She'll get hot. She will get hot. But, she doesn't gain fat. And I was like, I'm getting fat so fast, you can hear me getting fat over the [ __ ] TV. I was like, this is crazy. How can we She's half my size. How can she eat the same calories and not get fat? That's crazy. So, different things will work for different people. I will just tell you that is real. So, make sure that you try things for yourself. Don't take people's word for it. There's going to be a lot of fad this, fad that, whatever. But, something will work for you 100% I guarantee it. It's about consistency and 90 95% of the battle is what you do not put in your mouth. This has got to be something that you believe in. It should be something that you're so [ __ ] excited about. Like, the most exciting thing, hopefully, that you heard tonight, because you let it change you, is that you really can become whoever you want to become. I don't care if you're 65. Like, you still have all the time in the world to become whoever you want to become. So, whoever it is that you want to be, no matter how many times you may have failed at attempting to become that person leading up to this point, you can still become that person. You're going to decide who that is, whether it's a category like warrior, or whether it's a specific person that you want to emulate. You're going to break their world down into do's and don'ts, how they would react to certain situations. You're going to hold that ideal in your mind and you're going to force yourself to act in accordance. You are going to tell people what you're up to. And if you really have some balls, you're going to tell people that want you to fail. Because that, believe it or not, that's who's going to come to your rescue in your darkest hours of wanting to give up. It's going to be remembering that out there is someone who's laughing at you, who wants you to fail, that's talking behind your back about how you're never going to achieve it, and then imagine how [ __ ] rad it will be when you actually do achieve it. There is the darkness and the light, my friends, and you have to play in both. You've got to know, 80% of your time in the light, focus on the beautiful things you want to create and what you want to do with your life and all of that. There's 20% some straight Darth Vader [ __ ] Like you've really got to lean into that. There is real power in anger, frustration, in not wanting somebody to get one over on you, on winning against all odds, all of that stuff. It is really powerful. And this is one of those things that I find a lot of times people are willing to lean on one tactic but not the other. This Set aside all your judgments about the tactics. The human animal is designed a certain way. Anger exists for a reason. Pressure exists for a reason. I always tell people, if you want to make real change, the number one thing missing from your equation, I promise you, is massive pressure. There has to be massive pressure. There also has to be massive desire. You've got to really want it. There has to be massive pressure. There's got to be a cost to not doing it. Congruence is one part of that. You've told people. So you want to be congruent with that. But you also just have to hold yourself accountable. I am a warrior. I [ __ ] show up at the gym. I fight for my wife. I roll up when the team is counting on me. And keep in mind, for a year leading up to my initial flu game, I was telling the team, "Let me tell you right now. In fact, where's the team? I want to hear from you." Wow, that was some weak-ass [ __ ] That was weak. Weak as [ __ ] These are the people you guys are counting to build this community, by the way. Impact Theory, would you [ __ ] like to try that again? Where is my team? There we go. All right. Did I not lay myself on the line and say, "I will [ __ ] show up for you?" I will never fail you. If you ever need me, I will [ __ ] be there. Morning, noon, night, sick, health, doesn't matter. I will show up and I will play. Yes or no? And have I ever let you down? All right. That was still weak as [ __ ] I won't lie. In my mind, that was like, "Yes! No! No!" Like literally freaking out. Tears like, "Oh god!" My Lisa like wailing on her chest, you know, like the whole night. That's how it played in my mind. But I'm not afraid to make mistakes. You try some, sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. So, there we go. Don't rely on team for big enthusiasm. Noted. All right. But I told these people, whom I love dearly, that I would show up for them. That it was important to me that they knew that they could count on me at all times. Now, I had said it so many [ __ ] times, the day that I woke up with the flu, I didn't want to go in. I wanted them to be like, "No, no, man, you're good. You're good. We already canceled it, man. Go home." But because I'd been saying it for so long, I was like, there is no universe in which I do not show up. So, of course, my wife is like, "Hey, look, you don't need to do this. You work so hard. Everybody knows how hard you work." And I was like, "Over my dead body. I will go. I will do this because it's important to me." And when you get to that, where nobody needs to be looking, you're doing it because that's who you want to be, then you will have won. And that is the secret to identity. I'll woo that. It's you have a vision of who you could become, for real, in real life. And then you act in accordance with that. You guys, there is no greater feeling. Generating wealth is awesome. Not going to lie, it's rad, and I hope everybody gets the chance to do that. But it is not better than saying you were going to become a certain kind of person, the kind of person that is hard to be, the kind of person where you have to really show up and play. And when you do that, when you show up and play, and the stakes were high and they mattered and it was really hard, but you did it anyway and you do it time after time after time and you're consistent and people can rely on you to the point of taking it for granted. That [ __ ] feels so good. That feels so good, man. This is the kind of stuff that nobody can take away from you. This is the kind of thing that allows you to take big risks. They say that the people that take the biggest risks have the strongest home life. Because you have an anchor. You have that port. You have somewhere to go back to. You can be that for yourself through your identity. Be someone that you would look up to. It was right out of the video in the beginning. 2020, I want to become somebody that I can look up to. That's a [ __ ] awesome goal. And I hope each and every one of you will set that goal and stick to it because if you do, if you act in accordance with somebody that is worth your admiration, your life will never be the same. All right, thank you guys for coming out. I'm going to answer questions.