finally doing the things i've been avoiding, pet grief chat, costco haul & my self-tan routine!

Hey, [music] come here. >> [music] >> Good morning everybody. Welcome back to another vlog. [clears throat and cough] I'm just getting ready for the day now. I am going to try my very best to get as much stuff done today that I've been avoiding as possible. like I just have little things that I've gotten caught up in life, work, family, visiting, plans, etc. And I'm just feeling like I have neglected my other parts of my life. So, I'm going to try and catch up on those things today and hopefully like just feel better overall afterwards. So, today I want to like clean my house. I have an appointment to go to later. I have some returns I need to make. I want to do a couple little other things around the house, you know, just random stuff like that that'll make me feel like I've got my life together a little bit more. So, that is the goal. We will see what we actually accomplish today. First things first, I never do this, but I'm cleaning my house in the morning. I'm going to be cleaning my house because I can't take it anymore. We cleaned right before family stayed here, but then now it's been, you know, they were here for like a week and now it's been like several days since they left. and I just want to feel fresh. Do you know what I mean? So, that's all I'm going to start. I have about three like just under four hours until my appointment. So, I'm going to try and get as much stuff as I can get done and then we will see what else we get up to today. But first things first, let's get this done. And I'm going to be listening to my audio book because I am addicted and I need to finish it today. I'm listening to Yester Year by Carl Claire Burke. Carol Cla Burke. And let me tell you, it's so good, but I hate the main character so much. I kind of I think I briefly talked about that, but I need to finish. And I am like 65% done. I think 70% done. So, I really really want to finish this today. I really want to see I was charging my like um AirPods Max cuz they were dead. So, let me actually see if those are ready cuz then I can be handsree. We're at 62%. That works for me. Heat. Heat. [music] >> [music] >> We don't have any kind of ventilation fan in this bathroom cuz this house is like a little bit older. So, this little fan that we have from Costco is like the only way that we can get circulation in here. But this thing, I don't even want to show you up close how dirty it is. It is so dusty and disgusting. There's like towel fibers and dust and just everything all over this thing. And I have been actually I'll just show you. I have been putting off cleaning this for so long. I have dust in my hair inside my nose right now. Anyways, here is what we're looking at. This is so foul. So, I need to find screwdriver to take this off. I need to clean this whole freaking thing. I might even take this outside and spray it with the hose. Like this plastic part. Got a new Swiffer duster. and a screwdriver. We're ready to do this. [music] [music] Oh my god, look at that. Now she's beautiful. Thank goodness. >> [music] >> All right, I've got most of the cleaning done. I left a little bit of it for Drew. Oh my god. Ow. I have big ears and that hurt after a while. Anyways, I'm 85% done with the book now. It's getting crazy. I think there's a twist coming because I saw a Tik Tok of someone saying the twist was and then I just like swiped past it really quickly cuz I didn't want to get spoiled. So, I think I have an idea of what it is. But anyways, I according to this have 2 hours left, but I'm watching it on or listening to it on 1.5 speed. So, I imagine it's like an hour and a half. So, now I think what I'm going to do is make my couple of returns that I've been meaning to do. I need to go to Costco because we're almost out of toilet paper and that's just like the best place to get it. It's just so annoying when you have to buy it. So, I think I need to get some like a couple different things at Costco. I need to check and see if we need any like laundry stuff, paper towels, etc. So, that is where we will head off to next. I'm going to put on my flip-flops. We're going to hit the road. [music] All right. So, all I really need is toilet paper and paper towels, but I like looking for other things, you know. Let's see what they got. [music] >> [music] >> Okay, I'm home from Costco. I got the toilet paper and the paper towels that are in the garage. Then I got some random things. I dropped this. Oops. This is the RX bar, like protein bars. They have 12 g of protein, so it's not anything crazy crazy, but it's only just egg whites, almonds, cashews, and dates. Those are the only ingredients. and like natural flavors and like cocoa powder for the chocolate ones. And so I just like that a lot better. I don't I don't know. Sometimes protein shakes and stuff like that. It just my stomach doesn't tolerate it very well. So I got those just to have for snacks. They're not my favorite. I'm not going to lie, but I like them better than like a Built Bar or something like that. I got Drew this big old box of chips because he will go through these so quickly. It has jalapeno, sea salt, salt and vinegar, and barbecue chips. Those are Miss Vicky's. We got two breads. um one to freeze and one to have. A white bread and an oat nut bread. I got some jerky that I don't think I've tried before. Maybe I have. I'm not sure. But it's chicken jerky, which I actually prefer like a turkey or a chicken jerky. So, this is by Mighty Spark and it's the original salt and pepper flavor and the teriyak flavor. So, I thought those would be good. Got my golden kiwis. If you have been struggling with SIBO or with IBS seed, have a kiwi every day. it'll help. For myself, I got this gigantic bag of the chips that I like. These are like the lower fat um Cape Cod chips. They're delicious. And then I got a six-ack of oat milk. I've been alternating between oat milk and dairy milk. And I don't really notice a difference at all when it comes to my GI stuff. Some people said oat milk like really upset their stomach. Um I noticed no difference at all. So, we're on the oatmeal. Plus, it's shelf stable and I can just keep the ones that I'm not using in the pantry. It's perfect for coffee. I'm really the only person in the house that drinks milk, so when I buy big things of milk, it rarely gets drunk. Drunken drinking. So, there we have it. That is my quick Costco haul. I forgot a work thing that I needed to do, so I need to do that really quickly. I dropped off my UPS packages. Those are done. I really wanted to have time in between to vacuum out my car cuz there's a ton of sand in my car from the last what 10 days that I went to the beach, but that's going to have to wait. So, I got to do this quick work thing and then we're going to go to my dermatologist appointment. Hopefully, get this mole I have on my neck removed and maybe some other like random skin tags and things. So, we will see how that goes. [music] Okay, all finished with that. That wasn't a complete waste of time, but I didn't end up getting anything removed today. She asked to see me back in like twoish months when it starts getting cooler outside because right now, like I told her, you know, she was like, "Have you been like swimming and doing all that kind of stuff?" And I was like, "Yeah." And she was like, "I don't think you should get them off yet." Um, like burned off or whatever because they're all fine. They're all normal. So, it' be like a cosmetic thing and I can't swim or be in the sun for 2 weeks after that. So, I was like, "Yeah, you know what? Let's just wait until it's a little bit cooler outside and then I won't have to worry about it. I'll just be wearing like sweaters every day and stuff." So, we booked an appointment for early November, actually. I'll be getting sliced and diceed left and right. And um I am just going to head home now, get a couple more things done on my list. I'm not going to lie though, like I actually kind of wanted to briefly touch on it, but I have been a little bit sad over the last couple of days because it's actually been 3 years since Ila passed away. And yesterday was the 3-year anniversary of that. And um I was really bummed out yesterday. I actually, full disclosure, like didn't leave bed yesterday. Um I was just kind of laying low doing my thing. And I understand I have a full grasp in my brain of like the fact that animals don't live forever, which is criminal. Um, it's so cruel that we can't have our pets and especially our soul pets forever. But it's just like it's crazy how much time has gone by since then. And I mean, I built my entire life around this dog. And it's so funny too cuz like I was also laughing about it yesterday with Drew cuz I found this picture of Ila and my dad. Leila loved my dad. Loved my parents. But my dad was like her number one top person alive. I swear to God. I built my life around this dog. I spent tens I'm literally not exaggerating. Tens and tens and tens of thousands of dollars on her medical care. I you know every place I lived was to accommodate her. My life revolved around her. And if she saw my dad, she would have pushed me into oncoming traffic to get to him. Like she loved this man so much and my mom. And it's just so like sweet to think about that. And my dad still cries talking about Ila. My mom still cries talking about Ila. We were just talking about Ila with Drew's family like on our family vacation this past week. And just how, you know, I just miss her big goofy dopey sweet sweet angel self. And I would give anything to just like cuddle her. And yeah, I was hurting my own feelings yesterday just thinking about it a lot and thinking about how I think I finally started processing like the end of her life cuz the last 48 hours of her life were extremely traumatic for both her and for me and she ended up being in an emergency hospital situation and um you know it [clears throat] was she was just extremely traumatized and by the time I I just can't believe how the events unfolded and at the time I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe how these events unfolded, like in a kind of negative way, but then it turned out to be just like the best thing that ever could have happened because we were living in LA at the time, in case you weren't here. And actually, my dad and my brother flew in. She got to the hospital, I think maybe that night previously or something like that. I woke up the next morning. I was like waiting to hear about when I could pick up Ila and bring her home. Like, I just wasn't I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know it was that wrong. I knew something was very wrong. My instincts had definitely kicked in, but I went to pick up my dad and my brother at the airport. I was like waiting around all day. Then we got the call that things were not going to plan. And then suddenly later that afternoon, um, one of the other vets like ended up taking over. That was the other thing is the vet that I brought her to, like the vet that was on call was like, "What are you talking about? She's fine." And I was like, "What do you mean she's fine?" It was just like a whole thing. I don't need to go through all the nitty-gritty details, but then another vet like clocked in for her shift. She looked over the file. She was like, "Hold up, hold up. What?" Like, and she basically took over and was like, "We need to do this test. We need to put her under and do like this exam to like see the back of her throat." And that's when they found like the really aggressive cancer and that explained like the really bad breath and just all these different things that had been going on that like I knew something wasn't right. And it got to the point where she was like snoring when she was awake and it was going to be blocking like her air passage and stuff and it was just really scary and like there was just so many things happening and so the doctor called me and was like can you come now like can you come now to put her down and so it was just like such a crazy thing. So, we got in the car, me, Drew, my dad, and my brother, and we all drove to this vets's office, and we were just like, it was just so surreal. And, and keep in mind, my dad and my brother live in Tennessee. So, it's not like it was just a quick little like, they just happened to be visiting us in LA that very weekend. It was just I mean I'll get really emotional if I think about it because like my dad is everything to me and my brother and all my siblings were so attached to Ila and was very much like a childhood dog for them and um like Ila loved my dad so so so much. So, for him to just walk into the vets's office and like be there in her final moments and just so happened to like be able to say goodbye to her and I mean, I just couldn't believe the timing of it. And when it ended up happening, like when the actual thing happened, my dad and my brother stepped out of the room and it was just me and Drew and the vet. And it was actually a really peaceful, calm, I mean, dare I say, beautiful experience. like it was I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and I've still had to process it. I feel silly talking about a dog like this, but until you've had a soul dog, you wouldn't understand. And also like she was my child. I never had kids, you know. [sighs and gasps] We also only went to this animal hospital because the usual animal hospital that we go to was full and they were like, "Here, go to this other one." They were like, "I'm so sorry. We have to turn her away. Like, go to this other one. It's like completely on the other side of town." So, we drove like not anywhere near where we lived. And then the other layer on top of it was a couple of days later, my friend Allison posted about losing her dog. And so, we met up to talk about it and cuz we were like trauma bonded over losing our like soul dogs at the same time that were like the same age. We had gotten them around the same age. And then when we met up to talk about it, we realized that they were at the same vet at the same exact time. And when Allison went to go into the back to see her dog, she saw Ila. Like, it was just we were sobbing, like, of course. And then we showed up to dinner with the same necklace that we ordered from Amazon. Mine had an M that I was going to give her for her dog, Macy, and hers had an L that she was going to give me for Ila. And we showed up with the same necklace for each other. Literally insane. Like, there were just so many different things that sometimes I struggle to find deeper meaning in the universe. and I don't know, like think that maybe there's something greater out there. I've always struggled with like religion since I've deconstructed whatever. But all that to say, like it just I feel so fortunate that the timing and all of these big moving pieces happened the way they did because I spent so many years with anticipatory grief. Like just grieving about losing Ila someday. I'm talking like since she was a puppy, dreading it for so so long and then when it finally happened. Um I'm just really hap happy that it happened in the way it did and that there wasn't some, you know, even worse thing and yeah, there were definite bumps in the road and stuff, but all of that that I mentioned to you gives me comfort and I am avoidant. Um I've learned a lot since, you know, rejoining therapy. And so I think for a lot of these last three years, I've kind of avoided thinking about the end of her life, um, processing the end of her life, and I've really kind of let myself go there and let myself grieve it, and it's definitely helping. And I think I was doing a lot of that yesterday, to be honest. So anyways, didn't mean to sit here and talk for 10 minutes about my dead dog. I'm very sorry, but I just loved her so much. And like I got so many messages from you guys when I posted about it on Instagram being like, "I miss seeing her in your vlogs." dogs are like, "Here's a picture of me and my dog." And it's just it means the world. So, yeah, it's just crazy how an animal I feel a lump in my throat. I'm trying not to cry. It's just crazy how an animal can like just bring so much joy to so many people in my personal life, in my online life. Like, I just loved the girl so much and I would have done anything for her. Yeah, she was just my best friend. Like, truly just the best thing that ever happened to me. Yeah, I just really miss her. And actually, one of the vets that I had, it was just the nicest thing. They didn't have to say that, but they told me that basically like the only reason that she lived as long with, you know, just the slew of health complications that she had that she was just genetically disposed to at birth. Um, the only reason that she lived as long as she did was because she was in my care. And that was just like they were like, "You have given her the best life." And it makes me want to cry. I don't want to though. Um, the avoidant is still in there. So, anyways, if you have also lost a beloved pet and member of your family, I'm sending so much love to you. And if you do have an animal that's still in your life, give them a big hug. Give them a big hug for me and just a big kiss. Tell them that their auntie Carrie loves them. Okay, let's go home and do some more chores cuz otherwise I'm just going to cry. All right, I'm back home. I'm in the garage. I'm going to vacuum out my car because there is a bunch of sand in there. Like I said, from just all of the all the beaching I've been doing. There we have it. It's everywhere. Also, I don't need these softball chairs in here anymore. Put that there. That's just a rain umbrella on top. And then I'll grab our beach umbrella. This is all of our excess chairs. We have our beach chairs, like kind of sitting camping chairs, extra chairs for the patio. This is a tire pressure thing. That's actually Drew's. He was just using it on my car when I was having my tire issues that are now solved. Thank goodness. I have a random tripod back here. Two random tripods back here. Life of a YouTuber. I usually put these in the back seat on the floor. It looks like a mop. It's an umbrella. Freaking love this thing. It's been so clutch. There we go. Another thing that's been on my list is to deeply clean out this garage. We have all of that stuff pretty much up there. is our landlords that they didn't want. So, we're gonna have to find how we can dispose of those empty paint cans. They've got to be hardened up by now so that like we could take them to the dump or something. There's like random wood panels. I don't even know. Extra flooring, all sorts of stuff that we need to get sorted out. And then also, there was a leak up there for a long time that never got repainted. So, I think we might honestly just repaint this garage. like it's just it's going to be a big project, but that's for another day. But for now, we [music] vacuum. [music] I just remembered I should be listening to my audio book. I think I am like 95% of the way done. So, I'm finishing today. Next up, I want to hang up this other thing that I got from the thrift store in Arizona. I got two of them actually. And I'm thinking this empty space right here on the stairs might be good. Yeah, right here. It was like $2 and there were two of them. So, we have one in Arizona and one here. And I'd really love to hang it in the kitchen, but there's nowhere to do that cuz the walls are just kind of wonky, like tilted and stuff like that. So, there's really nowhere to put this. So, I'd ideally like it to be, you know, something like this or whatever. But, yeah, there's nowhere else for it to go. So, maybe there. And then we'll put some decorative stuff on it. I don't know. I just cleaned it off. I've been getting distracted with the end of my book. And then I have these little hooks that I saw. I can't remember who I saw talk about these, but they're like little art hooks. And as long as your walls will tolerate it, we have metal studs, so that's kind of touching though. But it's this hook that you put into your drywall like this and then it sticks out like that. And then the pressure is right here. Then you just hang your piece of art. I think it says it holds up to like 100 lb. I don't know about all that. This thing's only about 4 lb. So I think we should be good. Cute. It goes really well with this. I don't quite know what I'm going to hang on it yet cuz I think it's originally supposed to be for like mugs or something. So, I don't know if I'll put like a plant on top or if I'll hang cute little I don't know, maybe I'll make some art or something like that to hang from it. But, it's getting somewhere. I actually love this gallery wall. I want it to be covered like top to bottom when we're finally done with it. But, we're making good progress. It is much later now. I finished my book. It was actually I quite enjoyed the ending. A lot of people didn't. Um, but I thought it was good. I'm not going to spoil anything, but yeah, we'll talk about it more in a main channel video, but yeah, I liked it. Then I scrolled on the couch for the last little bit and I was trying to take a nap, which is why I took out my earrings, but that didn't end up working. Now I am washing my makeup brushes. I not the toilet in the background. That's going to bother me. I am, I think, past due to wash my makeup brushes here. I think I washed them like a couple of months ago. And then I washed them with you guys in Arizona recently. But I got all my brushes here. I ended up just kind of like splitting my brush collection in half when we moved in case you're curious. So, I have this little thing in the sink here and it just sticks to the sink bowl and it's like a little silicone pad and you just get your brush wet and then you put whatever cleanser you want. I just use Dawn dish soap. Some people use like baby shampoo, lots of different things. And then I just kind of rub it all over this little thing. It just I don't know, it's like textured so it gets into all the nooks and crannies of the brush and gets all the makeup out and makes it nice and clean. I had a couple more things that I wanted to get done today. But you know what? I'm actually pretty satisfied. I cleaned. I went to my appointment. I have some work things to do here in a minute. It's like 4:30 right now, so I'll probably work till like 5:30 and then we'll make dinner, but I wanted to do this really quick. And then I had been meaning to fill up the hand soap in this bathroom, which I just did off camera. So, feeling pretty good about it. Look at that. Good as new. And then I got fresh, clean brushes. Didn't I hear one time that you're supposed to do this like once a week or something? I'm lucky if I do it once a quarter. Honestly, we'll just lay our brushes down. And this little guy, too. Drew's a taco bowl. I almost said Taco Bell. We made taco bowls with ground turkey, peppers and onions, beans. I did like the tiniest bit of sour cream, cheese, and salsa verde. And the ciiet taco. Oh yeah, and corn and the ciiete taco seasoning. Delish. All right, it is much much later now. Drew's in the shower. Our other bathroom. I am just going to wash my face and actually I'm going to do my um fake tanning routine tonight. Usually on Thursday nights is when I tan and then I'm just like nice and fresh for the weekend and it lasts me pretty much like a week. And on my Q&A for the last vlog, I actually got a question that was like, "Can you show us your full self-tan routine?" And I was like, "Sure, why not?" It's not that professional or um I don't know, fancy, but I thought I'd show you nonetheless. I just realized I forgot my face tanner, which is in the other bathroom. Drew's in the shower. I don't feel like going in there to get it right now, so I will just do that later. And in case you're wondering, I just mix my moisturizer with the Isisle of Paradise face tanning drops, but I'll just add more moisturizer in that later. But tonight, I am using two different Loving Tans cuz I'm trying to use them up. I have the 2-hour Express in both of these. This one's the Platinum, which is like the extra dark, and then this one's just dark. And recently, I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been having some mishaps on like my hands specifically because I'll put on the platinum before bed and then by the time I wake up, it's not good. So, I'm going to use a brush for the first time to hopefully like make it a little bit smoother. This is supposed to be like a brush for your hands and just other areas. So, I'm going to try that with like the lighter of the two and then like for my feet as well. And then I've already showered and like exfoliated my body. I just grab like any old exfoliating gloves and I just do that. And then I don't moisturize. And then what I do is I will just put moisturizer on like the really dry parts of my skin that the tanner will cling on to. So like ankles. Um sometimes like my knees. Like I have a I had a bit of a um [clears throat] boogie boarding incident where I skinned my knees on the sand. So I'm going to like put a little bit on there so it doesn't cling too much. My elbows, my wrists. Normally I would be in nude for this, but I'm just trying to be, you know, I got one video taken off of YouTube. So yeah, just do like a little bit there. And then I will shake up my tanner. I use a mitt for this. It is imperative. Do not use this if you don't have a mitt. And then I do about like four pumps per leg. I just put it on the mitt. Sometimes I spread it around like that. And then I just start working. I go from like this part of my leg up and then I use the rest like the absolute ending remnants on my feet because if you just go straight down to your feet, they're not going to be good. And honestly, mine are never good anyways. Maybe I just have like naturally really dry skin around my ankles and feet or something. I don't know. And this is very alarmingly dark at first, but it's going to be about 50% of this or less when you rinse it off in the morning. When I'm not filming this, I can do it in like 11 minutes, 9 minutes, something like that. I timed myself one time. All right, let me finish my legs and then I'll show you my arms. Okay, so it's going to look a little crazy like Yeah. And it also looks way crazier on camera than it does in person. So, we've moisturized. We're gonna do I do like three pumps for my arm. I've already done my chest. I basically just move as quickly as possible. And I use these kinds of motions, you guys. It's It's going to look bad. Just trust the process. Okay. This self-tan particularly has like a really dark guide color, but it's just so that you can see where you're applying it and see that you're not making any like major streaks. It's going to look streaky just because that's kind of how the product goes, but once it rinses off, it's actually quite nice. So, I'm going to blend this like to the wrist and then just try not to like go over your dry areas too much. This is a terrible demo. I'll like bend my hand backward like that and get this bottom part like that and then I'll take my elbow and go like that basically to cover my entire back. They also make like little um it's almost like this but really long and you put it behind your back and you just like and that covers your back too but I don't really need that. Okay, let me try the hand thing. I'm going to use the lighter one and just a teeny tiny amount. That might even be too much. put your hand. I've always heard that it's like like you're eating an apple. You're grabbing an apple or something. It does feel very smooth. And there we have that. Then we'll move on to the other arm. You can obviously keep this on for 2 hours if you want and then it will continue developing or you can wear it overnight like me. Just wash it off the next morning. I've heard some people say you're not supposed to wash it off with soap. I always do. To each their own. Can't get over how insane this looks on camera. It's not that insane in person, but I mean, it's still crazy. I would never go in public like this. I also do think this one is just a little too dark. So, like just using up the rest of what I have and then going to go back to a lighter color. Do the same thing. Do the the claw. Get in between the thingies all around and the knuckles on the side of the hand. And there we have it. I wear the crustiest shirt that I have had for God knows how long because you do feel sticky for a little bit, but then it goes away. And yeah, just make sure you wear stuff that's going to protect your sheets cuz it will come off on your sheets if you get in bed before it's dry. Cleaning up my area. And that is my self-tanning routine. I'll show you a little clip of what it looks like tomorrow morning, like once it's all developed and rinsed off and everything. It looks quite nice. But yeah, I think that is actually going to do it for me tonight and for this vlog. So, I hope you guys enjoyed spending the day with me. Thanks so much for hanging out and I will see you very soon in the next vlog. Bye. [music]