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Exclusive: Why Sexual Tension is Nonexistent

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The speaker argues that genuine sexual and romantic tension is increasingly rare in modern romance media, noting that it often feels nonexistent compared to older works. He defines this tension not merely as lust, but as a palpable sense of mutual attraction where the audience anticipates a connection that hasn't yet happened. Using examples like *Gothicana*, he illustrates how many contemporary stories fail because characters meet and immediately act on their feelings, bypassing the necessary period of anticipation. True tension, he explains, functions similarly to suspense in horror or action genres; it requires building up pressure where characters are close but held back by obstacles, creating a desire in the audience for that barrier to be broken. When stories skip this buildup for instant gratification, the eventual payoff feels unsatisfying because the emotional bubble was never inflated enough to make its pop meaningful. A significant portion of this lack of tension stems from authors' refusal to engage in character development or conflict. The speaker observes that many writers are "allergic" to the idea of characters changing, preferring instead to have protagonists who are perfect and static from the very beginning. In a compelling romance, there should be friction where one character finds another off-putting due to coldness, meanness, or other flaws, requiring time and narrative effort to overcome these barriers. However, in many modern books, love interests are revealed to be secretly nice almost immediately, or their bad behavior is constantly excused by the narration and other characters without logical justification. This approach eliminates the necessary conflict that drives a story forward, leaving the audience with no reason to care about the relationship's progression beyond immediate physical attraction. The speaker concludes that while some audiences demand smut within the first ten pages, sacrificing narrative depth for this instant gratification results in shallow storytelling that lacks emotional resonance. He contrasts this with books like *Lights Out*, which successfully build tension by allowing characters to slowly understand each other and realize their shared quirks over time. Ultimately, he believes that for romantic subplots to work effectively, authors must commit to showing genuine struggle and growth rather than relying on convenient misunderstandings or static personalities. Without the slow burn of developing conflict and resolution, the resulting relationships feel hollow, leaving readers feeling like they are just waiting impatiently for a scene that lacks the emotional weight to make it satisfying.
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Okay, so this video I do not have a script for it. I didn't write down any notes for it. I just want to completely come out here, go off the top of my head, and see how it goes, cuz this is something that's been on my mind for a little while, but I I just haven't done anything specifically talking about it. So, I figured, yeah, let's go. So, I guess the title of this video is pretty straightforward. Like I think that not just in like weird smutty romances, but romance in general, I feel like there is very rarely actual sexual tension between the people who are supposed to be falling in love. And when I say sexual tension, I don't just mean that in like a lustfilled way, but I also mean that to include like romantic tension where it seems like, okay, yeah, these people are really into each other. and it never works for me. Or rather, I should say it very rarely uh works for me. And most of the time when it does work for me, it's with older stuff, newer stuff that's coming out is noticeably noticeably worse in this regard. So, I just wanted to spend a few minutes talking about it and why I think that is. So, the most recent romance book I read was Gothicana, and you can watch my video on that soon, hopefully. But it's um not a very good book for a lot of reasons. But one of the big reasons why it just didn't work for me is that I didn't feel much tension between main character girl and love interest man. You don't need to know their names. They're just MC girl and love interest man. They're they're the same in all of these types of books. But like the the problem is that they meet and she immediately wants him. And I it just doesn't quite work because obviously yes, love interest man is attractive and he's described as being very attractive. Sure. But what else is there? You know, sexual tension only arises the same way other types of tension do in storytelling where you have to anticipate that something is coming. Get it? Yeah. You have to anticipate that something is coming, but you don't know exactly when it's going to happen and you just you start feeling like, "Hey, come on, hurry up. Hurry up." And this works the same way whether like someone's walking into the house and we know there's a monster hiding in the shadows and we're like, "No, no, don't go in there." Uh it works the same way if we know that there's going to be a big battle coming up like a confrontation between the forces of the dark lord and the ragtag group of heroes who are trying to I don't know defend the maidens for whatever the point is we know there's a big battle coming up tension rises until it reaches a boiling point and it has to be the exact same with romantic and sexual tension as well like if in Gothicana again as an example uh love interest man and main character girl met and they were attracted to each other, but they also felt that they just couldn't be together for one reason or another. Like, I mean, he's her a professor at her school, so he would it would be kind of unprofessional and inappropriate for them to be together, and that does come up in the book a little bit, but not that much. But if main character girl and him had both thought that and occasionally they wound up in situations where they were close and they like were about to kiss or something and then they broke it off, went, "Nope, nope, we can't do that." then that's helping to build the tension because at that point the audience wants them to, you know, do something uh but we're not getting it. Whereas the problem with Gothicana and pretty much every other book like that is that they all go for instant gratification. And I know some of you might be thinking, well, wait a second, sometimes they take hundreds of pages before they get to the sex scenes or anything. And that is technically true, but there's also no tension being built because they just pop the bubble a little too quick. If uh if that metaphor makes sense, like I I guess that would be a good metaphor for it is like building tension means you're blowing up the bubble bigger and bigger until eventually it pops and that's when the tension is released. in something like Fourth Wing. Yeah, it does technically take several hundred pages for the sex scenes to happen, but it's also very clear that uh main character girl, I think in that book, her name was Violet, and Zaden, love interest man, were still pretty into each other long before that. Like at first she's terrified of him because he's his dad was like the leader of the rebels or whatever and they forced him to go to this school where he can kill whoever he wants with cuz look Fourth Wing is a stupid book but they forced him to go to this uh school and main character girl is thinking like oh no he might actually try and kill me and it turns out very quickly very early on that no he wasn't like that at all like he was perfectly fine. with her. And in fact, it's pretty obvious to the audience from the get-go that he has no problem with her. She's just being paranoid. So, the bubble was barely even pretending to be inflated before it popped. And then we just have this deflated bubble hanging around until eventually they start having sex. So, once they do it, it's not that satisfying. Uh, Quicksilver was kind of similar as well. Like it's very clear that main character girl and love interest man are going to be a thing from very very very very very early on and then we're just kind of sitting around looking at our watch and like going okay hurry up then like and then they get to the sex and it's not that satisfying because of this. So when I say instant gratification, it is often times like again Gothic Hannah where it does actually happen instantly and that's really annoying. But in other cases where it might not happen instantly, they still don't bother actually trying to build the tension. Like it's like they really have no faith in their audience and they're like, "No, no, I okay. I know you want instant gratification. I know you want it. I know you want it, but like please, please, just just hang around. just hang around a little bit longer, please. Like, I'll I'll do the thing. You see this? See this? This is the thing. This is the thing. Look. Look. See? I know they were supposed to be doing enemies to lovers, but like they were enemies for like half a page. They're lovers now. I promise. I promise. They They start doing the sex yet. Like, that's what it feels like. And it's really really obnoxious. Now, I can't entirely blame the authors for doing this because yeah, a lot of the audience is really like that. like like a lot of people will immediately put something down if it doesn't have smut within the first 10 pages or whatever and they are very very uh I I I don't know the term for it but like they just they need instant gratification all the time and it's really obnoxious and this does tie into another problem I've spoken about a little bit where a lot of authors just seem allergic to the very concept of character development you know like they they will have uh a character in the book or rather or all the characters in the book and they will just immediately at the beginning they'll already be good at doing all the things that they're going to do throughout the book which a lot of time that's like warrior stuff or magic stuff because it's often times fantasy but like they're already really good at it at the very beginning so they don't really need to train or practice or anything to get better over time and I'm not saying you can't write stories like that a lot of them are like that but whatever is useful for the heroes there already good at it at the beginning and whatever beliefs and behaviors and everything they have at the beginning are always going to be the same at the end. Again, you can write static characters in fiction. I'm not saying you can never do that, but these guys are just allergic to the very idea of characters changing. Like if love interest man shows up and main character girl hates him because oh he seems cold or mean or whatever, he doesn't actually change and become less mean or less cold over the course of the story and that's what makes her fall in love with him. It turns out no, that was a misunderstanding. He was always super nice and always super cool from the beginning. You were just kind of ignorant about him, but now you know. Now you can be attracted to him and not feel weird about it. and there's no problems in your relationship at all. And that's just not very satisfying. Like, if we're supposed to be watching these characters fall in love, then that's supposed to imply that there's some sort of conflict. Like, that's the point of storytelling is for there to be some sort of conflict. It doesn't necessarily have to be a violent conflict, but there has to be something there. And characters have to realize at some point that like, okay, yeah, I I need to change or I need to accept this part of them that I found off-putting before or they need to change or, you know, something like there needs to be something going on for there to be some sort of conflict and therefore some sort of drama and therefore some sort of story. And when all of the characters all the time are always static and never changing, well, where's the conflict there? It gets even worse in stuff like uh The Mortal Instruments is coming to mind right now where Jace in those books is a jerk. Now, it's kind of understandable why he would be a jerk given some of the circumstances surrounding his his life and everything that's gone on. It does make sense why he would be kind of a jerk, but they never really show that, okay, he has a heart of gold underneath that. you know, he never really goes out of his way to make it clear that he is a kind person and that he's using his like, I don't know, sassy, sarcastic exterior as kind of a shield. But at the same time, a lot of characters and the narrators or and the narration will just come out and say that that's what he's doing. And obviously, this falls into the problem of like, hey, you should show rather than tell, stuff like that. But also, if you're you have to have what you're telling match what you're showing because in the Mortal Instruments specifically, it really does feel like the author was just making excuses for Jace and the other characters are just making excuses for Jace so that they can continue being his friend, but it just doesn't make sense for them to want to associate with him or be his friend under these circumstances. So, I I kind of forget where I was going with this, but basically, a lot of love interests are, you know, bad boys or whatever, but the author and other characters just cannot help but make constant excuses for them. And that is going to lead to I I don't know, not tension. Justosition isn't the right word either, but dissonance. There we go. That's the word. that leads to dissonance for the audience because like, okay, we're supposed to like this guy, but we don't have any reason to like him. Like again, if you're going to have somebody be a jerk, you got to just kind of commit to it. And then that ties into my issue earlier about there never being any character development. Like, yeah, they need to be willing to change. Like, if they start off as a jerk, they need to at some point go, "Okay, you know what? I need to be less of a jerk. I need to be better and that will make me worthy of being with main character girl who doesn't have a personality and she looks really plain and is sexually inexperienced, but I'm just obsessed with her and only her for some reason. And I know a lot of this seems like very basic romantic subplot writing or romantic plotline writing, but I see it all pretty rarely and it's been getting more and more rare in recent years. So, I just I I don't really know. I I just wanted to spend a couple minutes talking about this. Uh if this helps anybody, great, I guess. But mostly, I was just ranting because like the sexual and romantic tension is never there. And I think that's a big part of the reason why so many romantic subplots just don't work for me. Like, you know, like if if they actually committed to there being tension and stuff, then I I think it could work. Okay. like um I don't love the book Lights Out, but I did read it a couple of months ago and I thought it was okay and I think it does a pretty good job of actually building the tension between the leads because like sure they do kind of is know each other at the beginning, but the book spends a long time with them getting to know each other and getting to realize like, okay, this person's just as freaky as I am. And then they, you know, you know where it goes from there. I don't need to elaborate, but I don't know. This one was just like a weird rant idea I had. Let me know if you want more of these or not. I This was just kind of something I wanted to do off the top of my head and decided to finally commit to it. Uh, that's all. Thank you for watching this exclusive video. Have a lovely day. I assume you already already are subscribed and everything, so I'm not going to hit you with that spiel. Goodbye. Hello. Thanks to everyone who watched all the way to the end of the video. 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