ETIQUETTE COACH TEACHES US ALL THE RULES FOR LIFE (Here's What NOT to Do in Any Situation!!!)

I really believe that the home is the heartbeat of the world and I believe that the women are the heartbeat of the home. >> If you invite people to dinner and you invite them to your own birthday dinner, you pay for that bill. >> I want to see men come back to the old chivalry which is open the door [music] for the woman. >> Is it rude to recline your seat on an airplane? I always tell people, put a smile in your heart [music] because if you really come from a place of kindness, then it always communicates that [music] way. Hi, house guest. Welcome back to my home. I am so happy y'all are here this week. We have such a treat. I'm not even going to sit here and talk much today because I need to get straight into today's episode. We have our new resident etiquette coach, Carla Shalis, on the show. She's not necessarily agreed to be the etiquette coach, and that's probably, you know, in poor etiquette, but she is everything. I'm asking her all the questions that we need answered from like, "Is it rude to, you know, recline your chair back on a plane to wedding etiquette?" She's talking about in-law stuff. I mean, we go really everywhere. But every single like etiquette question you've ever needed to know. Guys, I'm wearing a headband today because I meant to wear the headband when she was here with my matching outfit. You guys will see. Picture it now. Think about wanting to wear my next outfit when Carla is over and you guys will see the vision. But I'm I'm extra proud of you today because I am here with our etiquette coach, Carla Chalis. Okay. She is just amazing. We had the best afternoon and truly I think like you get so much out of this episode cuz I'm asking all the questions that we all need the answers to and we are going to be grown adults who are classy, who have manners, who are getting our things done, who are confident. Okay. It's like quite literally everything. This show has truly seen a lot in my earlier 20s. You know, we had jello shots happening and now here we are with etiquette teachers and that is just it's everything to me. Okay. We also just wrapped up the summer stitch tour for my home and hobby brand friend of mine and I am so beyond grateful for you guys. It has been one of the coolest things, if not the coolest thing I think we've done career-wise so far. It's been so amazing to see you guys out there waiting in line at like 5:00 a.m. with your actual I'm like tents like with your actual chairs stitching together, meeting each other. It's just been so incredible. That is truly like the vision that I had for a friend of mine when I started. I'm like, yes, it's a home and hobby brand, but the whole point is that it brings people together and I just feel like the Stitch Tour has been such an amazing like representation of that. I'm also realizing as I'm speaking that you guys, if you guys aren't watching on YouTube or on Spotify or wherever you guys are watching video, we do have a play setting here and that is because Carla Shalis was there. I'm just going to go ahead and get into the intro cuz we talked a lot. Okay. Carla Shalis is a wife, mother, entrepreneur, and homemaker whose mission is to restore the heart of the home through restoring the woman. Inspired by her late mother, Carla carries forward a legacy of warmth and strength, helping women heal emotionally, live with purpose, and restore their femininity. Through her work on television, podcast, and social media, she equips women to walk in freedom, and create homes filled with intention. In 2015, Carla founded a mission to fight sex trafficking, continuing her belief that when a woman heals, generations are transformed. Guys, she's everything. Like, she really is. And we're just going to get straight into it. I have nothing else to say because we need to let Carla speak. So, I love you guys. Thanks for coming over. I hope you guys enjoy this episode. I know you guys are going to love it. She also loves Martha. Like, she's she's our kind, you know? I mean, I've already just had the most fabulous 20 minutes with you. >> Yay. >> This is just the perfect afternoon. We were talking about Martha Stewart, her jail time, her affair. >> I love it. >> It's been amazing. >> I know. I love it. I love it so much. >> Thank you so much for coming on the show today. >> Yeah. Thanks for having me. >> I have literally I think I honest to God. Okay, let's see. I've got probably 30 specific questions that I need you to answer for us. You are our next our new etiquette coach here at the House guest podcast and we need it. There's so many questions too and like especially around this age when it comes to one of course like you're becoming you're actually an adult. You're living on your own. You're experiencing these things for the first time. There's all this wedding etiquette. There's all these like random social things. There's just a lot of you know my generation has a lot of social anxiety. We don't know how to respond to compliments. All the things. So, I'm really happy that you are here today. Thank you. >> I think you're going to solve all of our issues. >> Thank you. Well, the idea that anybody even wants to know is a real win. >> Well, oh, yeah, they do. Oh, we've got questions. I I mean, I'm like, these are for my audience. They're for me, you know? [laughter] >> No, I'm just kidding. I do the audience. Okay. Can you give us a little bit of a backstory? I already briefed them a little bit on you, but can you give us a little bit of a backstory on who you are and what you do? >> Yeah. So, I'll do a quick flyover because of course I could talk for an hour about my backtory because I'm [gasps and laughter] in my midlife now. Um, I um been married 36 years. I have a 34 year old and a 31y old and um I my husband and I started a roofing company in 1991 and still running it today. I had I opened five restaurants and sold them all in 12 years time. Wow. That was during my kids being in and out of school. And uh and then I just felt called into uh I ministered to women for 25 years, women in crisis, but I never expected myself to land in the space of human trafficking. And so I started as a volunteer in a safe house in Dallas and worked with uh girls rescued out of sex trafficking and really found like the real heart of a woman there. I I I really could see the intention behind that was to really come to know the tenacity and the soul and the heart behind an actual female and the fight that we have and the strength. And so I did that for 10 years and um and then I got super sick in 2023 and my board of directors said, "We're done with that. We're voting unanimously to shut that safe house down because it was a really very scary time for me." And so we did. And of course I was very upset, very distraught, very mad. Um, and took 6 months to heal after I got better and out of bed and, you know, moving around again. I took 6 months to just start to figure out like, who am I? What am I doing? What's going on? Why why did this just get ripped away from me? Um, because I had these these girls were like my daughters. So I would we would take them off of the streets and into off the grid and into a safe house that we ran for 18 months. And so they became like my daughters, right? So to have that change was very hard. But when I was in that healing period, all of my old dreams from being a teenager, we talked about Martha Stewart, right? I grew up on her. I I was watching every TV show. I was watching I was every magazine. I waited for that magazine to come in. Um I literally built my family based on her and Emily Post and learned everything obsessed. actually the brand color of my entire ministry and my my uh business is the same um blue that Martha [clears throat] Stewart had and that's that jade color you know so um anyway I just uh started realizing that well Jade actually my daughter um is her name is Jade she um she decided she told my team we're going to do something that makes my mom happy because she's been like super stressed out for a long time building these safe houses and so forth. And so let's let's what makes her happy is her home and hosting. And um so she said, "Mom, I'm going to just do a video for socials. Let's just have you cuz you are like the best at bringing your house in to a beautiful place when somebody's coming to stay and how you make them feel. So let's do a video on what you do to prepare for your guest." And that was our first video out. And that thing went crazy. And then we did a video every day. Every day. Every day. And then we started with everyday etiquette. And so it just built from there over the last two years. We just started with nothing. And and it's built enormously over the last two years. And so people are loving it. And I'm loving it. And so that's really what you know what we're doing now. And a little bit about myself. That's so beautiful. [laughter] I love that. I love the I mean the halfway house like that is just so I mean it's weird to say that's cool, but like it's such a cool thing to have been able to be a part of. Like that's >> Oh my god, it's the greatest honor of my life because you don't get >> you don't there's not another female walking on the planet who's more traumatized than these young ladies. >> Agreed. >> Raped up to 12 times a day uh for months on end, food deprived, beaten uh physically beaten, mentally beaten. I mean just ripped away from everything. U just you can't imagine the pieces that are left. and and you know, community likes to say that they chose that life, but of course they didn't. >> Um, but to be able to come alongside of these women and when they're rescued and to be able to walk with them and watch what they can do to come back from that and and it's all it's in all of us. So it all of us have something that that has hurt us and it gave me such a taste and such a knowing of the capacity and the potential that we have as women. If I when I watched that go on for 10 years I thought man there I don't have one thing to complain about. I don't have one thing to complain. I am beyond blessed in in immeasurable immeasurable ways um to not have to have to come back from that. But the resilience and I always call them the Navy Seals of women. >> Those girls are the Navy Seal of women. And so it just gave me a lot of hope for who we are and what we have the capacity to do. >> People also don't realize I randomly in college was pretty involved with some like anti-ex trafficking things. I actually wrote >> pretty much every paper that I could write in college on it cuz I I knew a lot at the time. So it was almost easier in the papers cuz I had the facts. But it's one of those things that you just can never ever stop thinking about ever. And it's people don't realize how one how common it is. Two, it's the leading industry in the world, right? >> It is crazy how And it's not just I think people think it's like in other countries like it's in America. Like this is happening. >> Oh, no. It's in South Lake, Texas. >> Yes. Yes. I remember when they had that big bus on that house on 121. Like I remember Yeah. >> It's just so I don't know. It's so crazy, but it's something. It's really It's interesting because like I still don't feel like it's talked about enough like even not even like nearly enough. It's >> no because people don't people don't want to you know when I was doing fundraisers I would go to other people's fundraisers and people would be raising fun money for the most amazing things but so random you know they'd raised half a million $600,000. We were doing a fundraiser for actual women that were rescued out of the pits of the worst places in the world to give them food, shelter, restoration, counseling, and we could barely raise 100 grand at our fundraisers because, and there's a long story behind that that I won't get into, but I really feel like people would rather just turn their heads >> than to deal with the reality of what's going on. And so, it's a hard fight. It was a really hard fight. It was very rewarding and I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I had the honor to do that. Um, but it definitely is a hard fight. But we're in the fight again. We are actually about to do a big fundraiser at the end of like in October. Um, we're now um in I think we're in front of 45,000 women in prisons right now with what I have as my freedom formula. >> And um it's really all the skills that I learned and all the lessons that I put together for the girls that I work with for so long. I put it on in a classroom on a video so that I could just give it out to people who need that without me having to personally coach them 24/7. Right. So, um, we're we're doing that again in October cuz we're we're going after more people to help more people. >> That's amazing. >> Yeah. >> Okay. I think we need to get into the etiquette coaching. >> Let's do it >> cuz we've got a lot of questions for you. >> I'm excited. [laughter] >> I would love to start somewhere just more in the social element. Okay. I've got some questions. >> Okay. >> And we're basically you're going to teach us like how to be grown adults. Okay. [laughter] >> Okay. >> I love it. >> Number one, how to correct people on saying words wrong. >> Um, do it in private. That's the first thing. Do it in private. Um, most times I would say don't correct them unless it's your mom. Talking to my daughter. Um, unless it's your somebody very very close like a level one friend. Um, I would really almost never correct somebody if if um unless you're really good friends and unless you can pull them aside and say, "Hey, that's not how you say that." Just FYI, you say it this way. Um, but other than that, I would never correct somebody that I am not extremely close to. >> I wouldn't either. No interest in that. What about if they're saying your name incorrectly? >> Oh, if you're saying your name incorrect. So, my last name is Shellis, right? So, it's mispronounced all the time. Shelly. Yeah. Yeah. There's so many different ways that people pronounce my last name. And I'll say it's jealous. And the key to to actually correcting somebody is direct eye contact and a smile. Because when you do that and you smile, it breaks that barrier of awkwardness or correction. And so if your your voice is very subtle, you have direct eye contact and you have a smile behind your voice. Even if you're on the phone, it does communicate that way. You can almost say anything with a smile on your face. That's so true. >> If you if you >> especially if you're southern. >> Yes. If you come across with a smile on your face and and really I always tell people put a smile in your heart because if you really come from a place of kindness then it always communicates that way. It lands that way. >> Is it rude to recline your seat on an airplane? >> H you see. Okay. So in order to recline your chair, what you want to do is look and see the person behind you. like always just take a little peek. If it's a tall guy, yes, it's rude to do that. If it's somebody who you can see has a lot of leg space, um, then it's okay. But I almost never would recline it all the way. I just unless it's a very long flight and you are not going to just be sitting up in the upright position. But um, and then when food is getting served, set your seat back up because people don't do that. And so you have to bring that tray down and it's like into your >> stomach whenever they pull their chair back. So I would say be courteous and mindful of the person that's behind you, but I don't think it's absolutely rude to do that. >> I think that's good advice. >> Yeah. >> What are three things that men should be doing? >> Men should be doing? >> Yes. >> Oh my gosh. You mean in in regards to a woman? I think it could just be like what are your maybe just being polite, maybe just having nice etiquette. >> Um well, one of my number ones is be clean behind yourself when you go to the restroom. >> Huge. >> Like that is if you're in a restroom with women coming in and out, make sure you lift that seat. >> Make sure you put that seat back down. And if you make a little dribble, clean it up. Don't leave it for her to sit on or to accidentally touch. And so that would be my number that's one of the number one things I think that men should be very gracious and kind and they should not be I I want to see men come back to the old chivalry which is open the door for the woman. I don't if it's your mother, grandmother, your girlfriend, your wife, open the door for her. Stand up when she comes to the table and and pull her chair out and push that chair back in. These are things that I think that men need to come back to. I think that me men absolutely need to be a lot more um in control of their wife. Not in a bad way, but like guide her when you're walking. Like don't just leave her behind. Put yourself between her and the street of the sidewalk. Um you know, hold her hand if you're in a busy um amount of traffic. Open the door for her. Like I just said, if you're walking into a restaurant, pull her chair out. These are things that will stand them out above the rest because unfortunately people are not teaching their sons that stuff anymore. It's very, very, as a matter of fact, I just did a etiquette class with a lot of atrisisk teens and I made them do that. I made them learn. I had a girl come over to the table and I made them all stand up when she approaches. Nobody's ever taught them that. They had no idea about that. So those are some basic things that if we allow men to be men and let them be the um the the masculine, the protector, let them be that they will naturally grow into that is especially if somebody's teaching them that. If somebody is not, they'll start learning from other men. But I think th those are some things that men really should be doing is those are the basic things that will just elevate them above everyone else. >> It's so true that they're not doing this anymore. I mean, I grew up in Texas, so so many of the men that I grew up with are all that way. So, when I was living in Los Angeles, a lot of my friends were Texans, actually, so they would still do, but it was a huge deal. My fiance now, I haven't opened a door, made myself coffee. I haven't done any really any of that stuff for myself. I haven't, every single time I come, he moves my chair. Every there's never been a time that I'm walking on the side of the street next to the cars. Like, every single thing, but it's just second nature. And people point it out all the time. I'm like, "Guys, we could all be living this way. Just date people like that." What are red flags in a man that should make you run away? [laughter] >> Do you have an hour? [gasps] >> Um, my number one is if he makes you pay for the bill. That That's my number one. I mean, I'm just old-fashioned. >> So, what happens? Let's say right now, let's say you're single, you're on a date, and they give you the bill. What are you going to do? >> I'm going to pay for it and then I'm going to block his number. >> All right. Block immediately. I'm just not going to I'm not going to have anything to do with him going forward because >> are you going to block it from the car? Are you going to block it while you're sitting next to him? Like when are you blocking the number? >> Well, as soon as I get out of his presence. >> Okay. >> Like you like take me home and and say Levie, I'm I'm done. We're not going to talk because first impression is lasting. I'm not You're not like I always say, I'm not going to drag you to excellence. I need to meet you at excellence. So, I need to meet you where I need you to be. I'm not going to try to fix Listen, I I did this wrong for the first with my own husband. I got married when I was 20. So, I did this with my own husband. I'm going to tell you 25 years I tried to change him and make him the way I wanted him and it never worked. So, I literally for me now I'm like I tell young women all the time, you will attract exactly where you're at. Who whoever you are, that's what you're going to attract. So, if you accept that and think, "Oh, it's just this one time." It's cuz he's in between jobs and it's because of this and it's because he said he forgot his wallet and it's because and I'm like no none of that qualifies him. If you believe that you are worth the best that doesn't qual that disqualifies him. So my thing is if he goes we're going to split the bill. I'm like you better run cuz that's only the beginning. >> Agreed. >> Now it's okay. My son told me this the other day. He took a girl out and she brought two of her friends. It was kind of like a social thing. And he knows if there's if there's a female present at the table, if there's 10 females present at the table and you're the only man, you better pick up that entire bill. He knows that. We've taught him that. So, he was going to the bathroom and then he was going to go pay the entire bill. And he came back and the three girls had already paid for it. And he was really embarrassed. He was like, "Why would you do that?" and and she said, "I didn't make a big deal about it, but but that was okay cuz the three girls were being they weren't like it wasn't an official date cuz they were a bunch of people together." So, that's where it's a little bit different. >> It's a different setting. >> It's a different setting. So, I want to just make sure I say that because I don't want guys to get the boot if there's a bunch of, you know, community. But another thing I would say is if he dominates a conversation and he and in the conversation you can hear him talking about everyone else and he's blaming everyone else for everything that's gone wrong in his life. >> Victim, >> that's a huge red flag. Like you definitely want to to see that as another red flag. Um, I think that any if you're on a second or third date, I think again we go back to what I I think if he's walking in front of you, if he's on his phone the whole time, if he's, you know, being really eye with other girls around, these are all red flags that I just want girls to hear me when I say this. That's only the beginning. He's not going to change. He's going to change on his own account. He's going to change when he gets a conviction, not because you need him to be different for you. So, what you see is what you're going to get. And and and why would we try to remanufacture something to make it ours instead of just buying what's already working? I don't know about y'all, but to me, September is the new year. Okay? I've done an entire podcast episode on this. Of course, obviously growing up with school, the new school year, every single year, there's something so fresh and crisp in the air when September is ending and fall is at least on its way. Okay? And I love treating September as the new year, especially after summer when it's crazy, it's hectic, maybe you've gotten off your routine, gotten off your goals, whatever that might be. I love just treating September as a new year. And with the new year comes a new little refresh. Okay, for me that's, you know, typically closet or I'm pulling for It's not even a refresh of like, by the way, of buying new stuff. It's a refresh of like getting things out of storage, whether it be, you know, home decor or blankets or whatever that I typically use in the colder months or, of course, in Texas, it's very, very hot, so I'm starting to think about like my fall clothing and pulling that back out. And I'm here to tell you guys that when you're doing a little refresh, maybe you are shopping, maybe you're pulling from your other stuff, you need to be shopping for cotton, okay? Cotton is durable. It's easy to care for. Cotton is long lasting, making it a valuable closet investment. Okay, I also love it for home products. We'll get to that soon. But when it comes to cotton, it is so worth the investment in your clothing. And if you can invest in something like cotton that is going to last you so much longer. And the cost per wear honestly, not even I mean, yes, cost per wear for sure, but also the seasons that it will last and outlast the other items is insane. So, it is very long-lasting. Again, making it a very valuable closet investment. It's also a natural fiber and it comes from the earth, naturally hyperallergenic and less likely to irritate skin compared to synthetic fibers like polyester. It's also really important to be paying attention to like what you're working out in specifically as well. Also, of course, it's very stylish. There's so many different cotton fabrics like denim, corduroy, and flannel. Cotton is versatile, so you can wear it if any style, season, or occasion. You don't have to sacrifice for natural fabrics like cotton. I also love it for home textiles. It's durable. The actual home textiles are so easy to care for. Our a friend of mine, my home and hobby brand, by the way, our tabletop collection, every single item in that collection, from our tablecloths to the place mats to the napkins, they are all 100% cotton and they are so easy to take care of. And when it comes to tablecloths and all of that stuff, it can get so annoying to take care of that stuff. And it's really hard because I find that when you wash it, it never really looks the same. And this is not just because it's my brand. I'm telling you this really because we did 100% cotton and it shows. Cotton is the fabric of our lives. You guys can always check the tag for cotton and learn more at the fabricoflives.com. Y'all, I love bowling branch. Those are some of the softest sheets ever. Okay. And right now in Texas, it is still sweltering. It is so hot. Okay. Like, oh my god, I'm in the middle of like planning a Christmas campaign this weekend. It's like 100°. It's like, oh my god. Okay, the sheets can if you have the bad ones that are not bullet bridge, the sheets can stick to your legs. Your hair is getting mounted to the back of your neck. It's just you're cranking the the AC down to 65 to survive. Okay, it's just gross. Okay, sleeping hot is miserable. You're blaming the thermostat, the mattress, even like the person sleeping next to you. But it's really none of that. It actually is your bedding. Okay, wrong sheets trap heat. Bowl and Branch is the cool side of the pillow, but everywhere, every square inch of that bed if you have Bowling Branch stuff. Bolan Branch's summer bedding options are breathable, lightweight, and designed to keep you cool all night long. Their sheets are 100% organic cotton, which you guys know I love and care so much about. Woven specifically for airflow, not just softness. Unlike synthetic cooling technology or chemically treated fabrics, the cooling is structural. It's literally how the cotton is woven. It's insane. And 94% of Bowling Branch customers say their sheets got softer with every wash. I would agree. They only get better. It's amazing. I mean, the quality of my Bullen Brand sheets, it's truly unmatched. And I've never You hear that a lot with sheets, like it gets softer every time you use them. And like I feel like I didn't even really know what that meant until I got Bowling Branch sheets. That is how good they are. They also have the waffle blanket, the pillows, the comforters. I mean, they they make the entire bed. So upgrade your sleep with Bolan Branch. Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at bolandbranch.com/houseguest with code houseguest. That is bolanbranch. B- o lend dbrranch.com/houseguest code houseguest to unlock 15% off. Exclusions apply. >> You mentioned first impressions. How can we make the best first impression? >> A girl. >> Yeah, just people in general. >> Well, are you talking about like at dating or just like when you're meeting friends? >> Just when you're meeting a new person. Stay off your phone. That's a good first impression. Um, like don't be that person that just is this way the whole time with your facing your phone. The direct eye contact and a firm handshake. Even women, I want women to give a firm firm handshake. Obviously, don't break your hands, but a nice firm handshake. The handshake that I think is so telling is complete opposite of what we should be doing is when we give four fingers in and it's and it's like this little that is so ick to me. >> It just needs to be like a full uh handshake. I think >> one of the things I want to >> to have girls learn how to do is stop talking about themselves the whole time and learn. I have a thing called form that I teach on. It's in my it's in my re it's in my feed. But I was sitting at a restaurant once and I was I was like I couldn't help it and my husband looked at me and goes, "Are you just totally eavesdropping?" >> I love to do this. >> And I was like, "Sh, [laughter] I'm listening to this conversation. It was clearly her first date, >> but this poor guy was like shell shocked. She would not stop. She was drama dumping." >> Yep. >> And she would not stop talking. And he she did barely took a breath. And and and I was just thinking, "Oh my god." Like I just wish I could just grab her and go. >> Um, >> but it's sad because she's probably doing it because she's nervous, too. >> Well, but the thing is here's how you change that. It's called form a conversation. And the acronym is F O R M. And you ask about their family. F is for family. O is for occupation. What do you do for a living? R is for recreation. So, what are you guys doing this summer? Do you guys have any summer vacation plans? Or if you're by Thanksgiving, what are you going to do for Thanksgiving? Do you go to see your parents? Do they come? And then M is motivation and whatever you want to say to motivate them and leave them with a good, you know, good motivation. So if you use that in your head, like when you're nervous, cuz believe it or not, I've always been somebody that doesn't like to be in a room with people I don't know. Literally passed on an invitation recently because I only knew the hostess and I was like, I'm just not going to go. But if if we have to be in a room with people we don't know and we're nervous or with a new date or in a job interview or meeting a bunch of new friends at a social event, just remember that acronym form. It guides you. Ask about their family. Ask what they do for a living. Ask about what they're doing for the holidays and then motivate. That is how to have a conversation with anyone. >> Yeah, that's right. >> I made myself do this dating challenge because I wasn't dating really at all. So, it was kind of a way of me like changing my energy and being open to dating and just forcing myself to go out and I met my fiance so it worked out for me. But isn't that crazy? [laughter] >> But it was so interesting because >> I aside I mean he's an angel and is better than anyone on the earth. So, he also is kind of like an exception. However, every other man that I went on dates with, it was and I don't like I know I'm so like bubbly and funny and whatever and like I live a big life and I like to work and I have a career. I actually don't, especially with a man, I like to talk about myself cuz I don't like I have a weird job. So, I don't love it when you're [laughter] asking questions about it. Like, I'm like that with anyone. Like, I don't like when I'm not close to them. >> Yeah. >> The questions and whatever. So, I just And I'm curious about other people too, but I also really don't like to talk about it cuz I'm like I don't know, whatever. And I just feel kind of weird and whatever. Um, but the So, it could have been me just really pushing that. I want to preface it. But the dates that I went on with men that I am not kidding and I would only do 1 hour like I would do get like a drink with them for 1 hour. That was my like cut off for the date >> to not waste time. The >> to waste time >> did not waste [laughter] time. But it was so crazy cuz the amount of them that genuinely did not ask me a single question about myself [snorts] >> and I didn't even notice it till after because for me once I was on the date and I realized that I wasn't really into them. I was just kind of like, "Oh, we'll just have fun like get through this and whatever. We'll talk to them." I was really not interested in sharing anything about because I knew I didn't see anything happening with them. So, it really could have been a combination of that, but also like >> not a single question, like not a single and it was common. I talked to any of my friends and that's the most common thing when they're talking about dating is that >> and I'm sure it's partly nerves. That's not an excuse, but they just don't ask you questions. It's so crazy. And for me, I'm like, that's how you have a conversation. What [snorts] are you guys talking about? >> But here's the thing. If if we're trying to be I taught my kids for their entire life, be a rhino, don't be a cow. Okay, let me tell you about that. Cows run in the same direction in herds. They're always in a herd and they're always running together in the same direction. Rhinos are always standing apart from the herd and they're going the opposite direction. I've taught my kid, we even had rhinos all throughout our house. >> I love that. >> Think about being a rhino. Never be a cow. So, do the exact opposite from what the herd is doing. Okay? So the herd is out there drinking and getting crazy, you be the opposite of that and be the one that doesn't. And so going back to if you want to be the one who is standing out above the crowd like obviously your fiance did, then educate yourself by learning these things that you're asking me >> to be better. Be the opposite from everyone else. So, as a girl, if you're going on a date and you're meeting the parents for the first time or you're, you know, going on a job interview, you want to be like above the rest. You want to be a slice above the rest. Always walk stretching for class. Stretch for what I call the pink zone, which is part of my freedom formula, which is that highest frequency that you can be on, the highest level of joy, the highest level of peace and love. And if you if you focus on that and that's your job to do that, then then everything else flows naturally. But you're cut above the rest. And that's what I want for girls. I want them to be a cut above the rest. And so now that's your lasting impression of [clears throat] these dates is how they talked about with themselves. So let's do something different. Let's not talk about ourselves. Let's talk about the person we're in front of >> and just change it up. And that one hour is nice cuz it's in and out. You're moving on. >> That is such I love that. I like >> it's good. It's nice. I think it helps too with burnout. I hear that a lot with dating and I felt that and I wasn't even dating much at all before. But you just get it's so easy to get, >> you know, to kind of like lose hope in a way if you haven't until you find like the right person, right? >> But I think it's nice because you do one hour and then you go out to dinner with your friends. So it doesn't feel like you wasted a whole evening. >> That's so good. >> So I really liked that. Um Oh, this is a good one. How should we be responding to a compliment? >> That is such a because let me just tell you what I used to do. I used to redirect to what I hated about myself. Like, thank you, but because it was my whole life, oh my god, your eyes are so beautiful. Thank you, but I've gained a lot of weight. Or, thank you, but you know, I I would just redirect. But now, my mom used to always say, just say thank you. And so now I've learned that I will just again make direct eye contact and say, "Thank you very much. That is so kind of you to say that." That's it. >> It's not so complicated. >> No, >> it's so easy to have that response though to to try to like belittle yourself because you don't want to feel it's a kind of like a tall poppy syndrome type thing. Yeah. It's just >> it's self-deprecation. And and why do we do that? >> You know, why why do we do that? That's exactly right. And so, um there's a joke between me and Jade and Chloe, somebody else on our team, and they will one of my love languages is uh words. So quality time in words, right? So um they'll say, [laughter] "Oh, we got this this thing from you and they said that they love this about you." And I said, "What? What? Really? Why?" And so now they all make fun of me cuz I'll go, "Really? What else did they say?" >> Like keep it coming. >> No, but they'll just go, "Oh, I just got a great compliment on you today." I'm like, "I'm a words girl. What did they say?" And she was like, then they all burst out laughing and go, "Oh my gosh, just you just got a compliment." And I'm like, "Okay, I'll just leave with that." [laughter] >> Like, "Thank you. I guess I'll just take it." >> Yeah. >> How to react when someone else pays the bill at dinner. >> Wow, that was so kind of you. Thank you so much. Next time it's on me. >> Do you think if a guy is Okay. If a guy offers to pay on a date or is paying on a date, should you do the thing where you fake bring out your credit card to act like you were ever going to have I'm very anti that. I never did that. No. For the record, you'd be proud of me. >> Thank you. I am proud of you. That's good because here's the thing. No, I'm not going to bring up my wallet if I'm on a date because I'm not going to start the the relationship with an expectation that you think I'm going to pay for myself. Because if you're leaning back on that wallet and you're like looking and waiting for the first one, I'm out. Because the thing is, I just want you to lead. I just want you to lead. I want you to be my covering. I want you to be my leader. I listen, I'm very strong. I'm ve I've built very big companies and sold them. I've done all the things, but I'm also very feminine and I'm very old-fashioned. I want my husband to lead. I want him to take care of things because I take care of him. >> Mhm. I love that. >> Mhm. >> What is the most common social etiquette fauxpaw that you see? >> Like [clears throat] >> I'm going to go back to always having your phone out. Like that's I'm going to tell you for me that's a hard one because you know we all do our business on our phone. Um, but being in an environment where you're not present and you're always on your phone, that's a huge fauxpaw for me. Um, another one is the second biggest one to me is always talking about yourself. That's a huge etiquette fauxpaw because you are literally absorbing the energy of the room and you're not leaving anything for anyone else. And then the third biggest one I'm going to say is lack of gratitude. I think that etiquette is a tool to make other people um the the the heart of etiquette is really about making other people feel um seen, heard, and loved. That's the heart of a true person who understands manners is really helping other people feel seen and heard. I love what Tony Robbins says. If you focus on getting everybody everything that they want, you will always get everything that you want. That's very true. >> Okay. So, the the absorbing the conversation, take absorbing the space, insisting that everybody's focused on us, that is a fauxpaw because what we want to do is be gracious and courteous and we want everyone else in the room to get the attention. We want to redirect to that person. We want to say, "Has everybody just noticed how cute she looks today?" Like, we're constantly pushing back to that. And I think that our society today because of socials, which I love socials by the way, but I feel like we have a narcissistic tendency about us. And I feel like that can be changed that quick by just redirecting the attention to someone else if we have an intention to do that. And then also always leading with gratitude everywhere. So you walk in, you think, you thank the hostess. Thank you so much for having us. This is a beautiful house. you find two to three things you love about that about her and her house when you're going to an event. Um, you always say goodbye when you leave and you say, "Everything was absolutely wonderful. The food was amazing." Whatever. You don't say, "Well, you know, I am uh glucose intolerant or I am whatever and I just couldn't eat that and so I really needed you to be more focused on my dietary restrict like that's fauxpaw stuff." But if you're like, "Hey, thank you so much for inviting me and having me. This was such a lovely evening." And then if you can remember that later, send a thank you card and those kind of things. But gratitude to me is the number one thing. Like if we're not offering gratitude in in everyday life, even when you're getting your groceries bagged at the grocery store, I make eye contact with everybody and I say, "Thank you so much. That was very kind. Thank you for doing that." um everywhere. I'm c, you know, bus boy, the person bringing the chips and salsa, I'll just look right at them. My kids think I don't do that, but I'm not like, "Do you just didn't see?" They're like, "Mom, look at the person." They just said that. I'm like, "I'm in the middle of something. Hold on." You know, but um but it's always about I always feel like you just got to make eye contact with everybody and just say thank you or just a nice smile. >> It also just makes the experience better. >> 100%. >> So much better. >> Yeah. I'm going to move into some hosting etiquette questions with you. >> Okay. >> Number one, what are three things every host should be doing immediately upon a guest arrival? >> Like right before they get there or right when they get there? >> I think for me it would kind of be a trick question cuz I would say you would have to do a couple things before they get there. So do whatever you would do for your host arrival. >> Arrival I would definitely greet them at the door. And this is really difficult when you are hosting, cooking, preparing. Um, this is why I try now to have everything ready about 30 minutes before everybody gets there. I used to be really challenged with that in my younger years, but I would say greet them at the front door. That's always so important and it's high etiquette rules to do that. And of course, welcome to my home. Thank you so much for coming with a big smile and a hug if it's appropriate. And then the second thing I would do is immediately say, "What can I get you to drink?" So typically when you say, "Would you like anything to drink?" The answer is always most of the time going to be like, "No, thank you. I'm fine." But what can I get you to drink? That right there is important because you want to make sure that you get something in their hands, you know, right in that. And I just have made it a habit to do that as they're walking in. Um, and then I think the other thing is if they're standing there by themselves, um, and somebody else is already there. Have you met my friend? And and then this is so and so, this is Mary. Mary, this is Jane. Um, so I know Mary because we used to be neighbors. And then Jane over here. And and so you just and you guys might have something in common because so that's a really gracious hostess. Um, if nobody's there, then you just say, "How how have you been? It's so good to see you." It's your job to keep them feeling comfortable and welcome and not just standing there awkward waiting, you know, or don't say, "Go ahead and take a seat and we'll get started later." You know, just try to keep them around you and and keep the conversation going. I feel like no one really talks about how important it is to support your fertility before you even start trying for kids. I am a long ways away from that and I just like I don't know. I feel like most of the time the conversations are much later when not that it's ever too late but it feels like wow this would have been nice to start like prepping 4 years ago like you can never it can never hurt you know so even if you're not trying to get pregnant right now there really is so much that you can do to support your body early I actually had a fertility like specialist doctor on the podcast a couple years ago and she said the best thing you can do for your fertility is to start prepping for it like years in advance and to not wait until later, maybe when you're like older, and that's when you're going to start trying. She said the best thing to do is to really keep an eye on it and take care of it and prep it earlier. I started taking We need Natal because I wanted to feel proactive about my health, even though I'm not trying to have kids right now. It's a really easy habit to stack into my routine. It's just three capsules a day or one scoop of their prenatal protein plus powder if that's easier. depending on like my routine at that time. I think like the capsules capsules are easier, but I do really like the prenatal protein powder. Lately, I've been enjoying the capsules like every day. I always say that confidence comes from keeping promises to yourself, and this feels like one of those small daily things that really, really adds up. So, wherever you are, you're planning ahead, you're trying to conceive, you're pregnant, or you're postpartum, we Neatal supports your body through every stage of fertility. We Neatal is different than other prenatalss for a few reasons. The first thing is they are focused on proactive long-term health and not just pregnancy. Most prenatalss only include about 12 nutrients and we natal includes 24 key nutrients at optimal doses all intentionally chosen and formulated with the help of functional medicine practitioners. If you don't know where to start with your weatal routine, I am obsessed with the capsules. It is the part of my daily routine that I've been recommending to all of my friends. It's so easy. We need Needle makes it easy to cover all of your keut nutrients and support fertility hormones and overall reproductive health. Whether you're planning for a future pregnancy with a partner or you're simply taking care of your body for yourself, visit wenatle.com/houseguest for a free month supply of Weatal rest and digest magnesium, a $40 value with your first subscription. It's a premium magnesium supplement designed to support relaxation, digestion, and overall well-being. Formulated with four bioavailable forms of magnesium. That's wat.com/houseg guest for a free month supply of we needle rest and digest magnesium with your first subscription. Y'all, I'm so excited because day is now a sponsor of the show. That like slick back wand thing that they have, I have used it for years. It's a pink little wand. When I slick back my hair and I want it to look like extra snatched or honestly just good period, I use that wand and it is the best thing ever. Day has some of the best hair care products in the world. There are products that are hyped because they're trendy, but they don't necessarily follow through, but I have been using Day's Cactus Fruit 3in-1 styling cream. And I have to say this is one of those products where the reputation actually makes sense once you use it. And I would say I have never ever used a a day product that was overhyped. All of them are just so good. The styling cream has gone viral for Slickbox, but there are really so many ways to use it as a blowd dry cream to define waves or curls with an air dry or just to add shine. I've been using the styling cream when I'm like doing my like air dried I wouldn't say I have waves, but just kind of like my air dried like very very loose waves and it makes my hair so soft and shiny and it looks like it just looks so much better than if I let it air dry like naturally. Like it actually looks like I put some effort into my hair but it looks really natural. So, it actually gives you the effect of like putting in no effort to your hair. Do you see what I'm saying? It's like the no makeup makeup, but you look look amazing. And that's kind of what this does to my hair when I air dry. Honestly, it's an overachiever, okay? It's been doing the job of what feels like three or four hair products in my routine. Whether that is, you know, prepping the blowout, defining the waves, using it for air dry texture, like so many different things. And maybe that is why with the back to school season happening, you keep thinking about all the old yearbook superlatives. This day styling cream is most definitely most likely to do the most. It is just that good. You get so much out of the product cuz you can use it so many different ways. So y'all can visit sephora.com or your local Sephora store to shop day's cactus fruit 3in-1 styling cream. It is so good. I love the connection element to letting them know one how you know those people, but also like what they might have in common. I'm really when I host a dinner party, I take the seating chart so seriously. Oh, that's so good. >> It is my I read this book. I was wondering if you've read this, The Art of Gathering. >> No, >> I think you would really like it. I'll get it for you. It's a really good book by Pria Parker. We did it on the House guest book club and I recaped the whole thing. But something that she said about dinner parties, which I felt like was something that I felt, but I couldn't really put words to it. And she was explaining that a dinner party of you know of course has to have a purpose and intention and all these things but a dinner party the purpose is never if you have a dinner party for six. It was never for two people to catch up. So they need to go get coffee if they want to do that. It's to be in you know a group dinner. And one of the ways that you can do that to make sure everyone feels included and seen and heard would be an intentional you know seating chart because you want to sit someone you don't want to sit the loudest in the room next to the quietest in the room because then they'll never be able to speak. You don't like I do it very intentionally. >> That's awesome. I just Are you familiar with Five Star Began by Ellen Hilderbrand? >> It's a series that just dropped, but it's a book. >> Oh, I'm watching it. >> Yes. >> I just started watching it. >> So, I love that book and I love the series, too. But we we're actually reading it. We just read it for book club, but she invites for those who are not aware, Hollis is food blogger. She her husband passes away. She's going through it and she invites five different women or four different women from different areas of her life, which I love. >> So cool. So when I read that book two years ago, I'd always wanted to do a dinner party to that theme. How cool is that? So I finally did it a couple weeks ago. And it was cool because when all of them came, I did more than four people. We ended up getting a little bit bigger and some of them had known each other. Like some did know each other, but it was fun to give them some sort of like connecting element. And when I was doing the seating chart, I'm always thinking of that cuz I don't want two people to pair off and not speak to the rest of the group and like flick off. But it was good because it made everyone open up and warm. So then we were all, >> you know, speaking together, which I really liked. But I learned that in the art of gathering book. I'll get to you. You're going to love it. Or are you an audible person? >> Both. >> Okay. Yeah. Cool. >> I love that so much. It's so I have a friend who is five star. When I say five-star friend, she is the most elegant, classy person. And she's probably 15 years older than me. She's lives on Beverly Drive in Highland Park. She's >> the bomb.com. But I have known her for 20 years. But I have grown up in the last 20 years watching and learning from her behavior and her and and she does that with the seating chart. >> And my first time to one of her dinner parties, I was like, >> "Why is my husband way over there?" And I'm cuz I'm at a table with people I don't know. And and I I knew exactly. Now looking back, you know, she's just perfect in those little details. She's amazing. >> And that's a pretty European thing, too, to split couples up. But what you don't for because it's so not common in America and it's it's kind of like a fauxhawk here to do. But it's actually amazing because it makes you one the the host is likely pairing you with people that they know you're going to get along with, but also it's breaking you out of your that's what makes a dinner party special versus just like getting dinner with friends, the same conversations that you always have. Like you have to have the moments where you maybe feel a little bit uncomfortable, but it it's what makes those nights special. was like I know a lot like my my friends are not into the stuff that I'm into like they're coming over they're like all right Kinsey's doing another whatever things and like after they're like oh [laughter] I'm glad we did that that was a good call you know but I was like guys I read it in the art of gathering like this do it yeah like and you'll be fine I promise [laughter] >> I love that >> um how to make our guest room feel like a hotel [gasps] >> oh [sighs] that's my favorite thing in the world to do I have all the details so I make sure that so I have um upstairs in my parlor I have two guest bedrooms off of my parlor and and I have a refrigerator. This is a little extra, but I have a refrigerator with all the drinks. I have a coffee bar up there specifically for them with an espresso and all the the side the syrups and all of that. I have all the perfect little cups next to that. In their bedroom when they arrive, I have a beautiful background YouTube scene with jazz playing in the background. >> I have those playing on my house all the time. I love those so much because I want to create a five-star experience when they walk into that room. I've back out with a vacuum cleaner. So, there are perfect lines in the carpet and there's no footprints on there. And so, they see that this is their first time. I'm the first one in this room. That's like that's it's all >> there's nothing better than those lines, by the way. >> It is so pleasing. >> It really is. >> And so, my husband and I literally would just back out while we're vacuuming, you know, all the way out. We're sweating like crazy cuz they're going to be here in 10 minutes, you know. But, um, I make sure that they have beautifully fresh towels and and they're two towels I'm going to put on the foot of the bed and then I have the backup towels in the in the bathroom, but I have fresh guest towels next to the sink. So, it's a very high quality cotton um disposable towels. Everything is full and not half empty on the soaps and the lotions and those kind of things. I make sure that there are not one hair can be found on that floor. >> Not one hair from the previous guest. I make sure that the bed is perfect. I make sure that there's every kind of charger next to the bed um in case they have all different devices that they need to use. I have a a luggage rack in the room. >> That's such a great touch. >> Yes, I do. Um I have fresh hangers that are ready and all organized in the closet. There's so many little I make sure I have a a coverlet on the bed and a blanket on the chair and I make sure every lamp is on, even the sconces in the bathroom. And then of course the candles have to be lit and they have to be the same scent in the in one room or one cuz otherwise you'll get a headache. >> So I go way way way So here's the fun thing. When I started teaching that on my socials, the number one comment we got was, "Oh my gosh, I want to experience you as a host." And so we then created a retreat that we do called the experience >> so that people can come >> and we pull out every stop to host our guests at the experience because we want them to feel because you know what? When you feel that, you'll turn around and do that. And that's what I want for I want for women. I have like when I have not a crazy full house. Well, at the experience, we have turndown service. So, we turn down and then we also leave candy on the pillow. We do so many extra little things that I can't really do at home because they're in and out in and out shopping all over the place. Yeah. So, >> those are my fivestar things. And and and let me just tell you what I don't do is I don't use my cheapest mattress and my cheapest pillows and my cheapest linens in the guest room. A lot of people do that. A lot of Airbnbs do that. >> Oh, especially the Airbnb worst bedding ever. >> Ever. >> So my thing is that's not a good experience. And so 99.9% of the time when a guest comes down in the morning, that's the best sleep I have ever had in my life. What is that mattress? I hear that every single time. And that's the thing is that how can you make the experience for your guest one that they will never forget. Because here's the thing, I always want you guys to understand this. What you deposit in the soul of a person will always come back to you and feed you tfold over. So for me, I'm constantly thinking, how can I make an impression on your soul? Not how can I impress you with my house? How can I impress you with my perfection? Not how can I impress you with what a good cook I am. No, I want to know how can I impress you that you will always remember how you felt when you were in my home. >> I love that. >> How you felt? >> I agree. >> Because sometimes we get too crazy with making sure everything's perfectly clean, which I want it to be, but we get like a little abusive about it. >> But it's really about the experience of how did I make them feel? And I always ask them what's your because we have a list. We actually my daughter came up with this a list that we send our guests and it's your favorite candy, your favorite chips, your favorite drinks, your favorite type of movie, your favorite type of experience, what kind of restaurant do you want to visit. So we go over and beyond and so I go shopping and get all their favorite snacks and I prepare a basket for their room. >> I love that. We're in the midst I just brought on someone new to my team and we're in the midst of doing a lot of it is like personal stuff. So that's something I want for my house and then we have on hand for certain friends cuz I do have a lot of my friends live out of town and they come and visit and stay here a lot >> so I need to do that. We have an ongoing Google doc and then we just have it ready to go. >> Yeah, we do. I just know like so nice. >> Yeah, we know exactly. And one of my friends just came who I thought I knew. >> When I looked at the list I was like, "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. We got to go to the store." I called one of my assistants. I'm like, "Okay, I need you to stop at the store right now and get all this." She was like, "Okay, I'm on it." because I was like, I did not realize that they had all these food requirements and here I had all these yummy snacks and they were like, we only like nuts and freeze-dried fruits and and I was like, well, I asked, so I'm going to make sure it's there. >> Yeah, at that point you've got it. You've got to be a good house guest. It's really fitting for the show. [laughter] >> Yes. How to be a good house guest. Wow. So, I just did a video on this. Actually, it's on my YouTube and I did the five steps to being a gracious guest cuz I always talk about being a gracious host. And one of the steps that I think is most important is how you leave that room in someone else's house. And so, over the years, I've had people come and stay, and I'm not being judgy about it. It's like, it's fine with me. I will I will clean up after you because I want to be a gracious host. But as a gracious guest, you want to make sure that you're not leaving trash all over the room, all over the bed. You're not leaving the bed unmade when you leave for the day. You are putting all your stuff away in the bathroom back into your little thing. Don't leave the whole counter full of your makeup and all your facial products and your hair all over the floor. Like, literally clean up after yourself. And this is the other thing. When you leave, I want your essence to be to be in its place. So when your physical body is not present, I want your essence to be presence present. So that means when I walk into um my bathroom, okay, and and I see one of my guests has tidied up and put things and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, look at how nice she left this." When I go into someone's bathroom where there's underwear strung out all over the floor, there's a wet towel on the floor, there's tons and tons of hair in the sink and tons and tons of products all over the counter and they've gone out for the day. I'm not mad at them, but I I think to myself, okay, >> that's that's not a good essence. That's like leaving a very bad odor behind. >> Do you understand what I'm saying? Totally. Like I want when I come into a place and leave a place, I want my odor and I'm talking about like the essence to be so sweet and fragrant that I have made my bed. I have tidied up my room. I don't have clothes strung out of my suitcase across the floor. I put it all back in cuz I'm in someone else's home and I and and when I'm, you know, using their cups for coffee, I want to quickly wipe it up and put it, you know, either in the dishwasher on the side or I ask the hostess, "What can I do with my coffee cup?" And they'll just leave that there. I'll get it. I'm like, "Okay." But, um, that's the number one thing is literally clean up after yourself when you are in someone else's home and leave a beautiful essence behind. Um, I think the other thing is I always say this, be present and and and have a conversation with the people you're staying with. Actually have a conversation with them. And another thing is, which anybody listening to this, it's my guess. Please don't do this. [laughter] >> See, this is my problem with teaching this. People come stay at my house and they're like, I need the checklist. >> Yes. >> This [snorts] is what I'm talk to people that Okay. Um, take your hostess out for a meal to say thank you because you're staying at their home at no charge to you. It's saving you hundreds and hundreds of dollars of hotel fees. Go offer to either go get dinner and bring it in or take them to dinner. And just be intentional in saying, "I want to I want to take you guys out to dinner tonight for just for hosting us. I'd like to treat you guys or I'd like to go get some something to go and bring it in if we all want to eat here. what can I do? All of my guests do that. But um but I think it's as a guest I think it's important that you offer gratitude in a tangible way. >> Agreed. I I think a good hostess gift like I think that those things are >> Oh, 100% a hostess gift. >> 100% a hostess gift is is much much needed. >> I think we should move into wedding etiquette questions. >> Okay. >> I am I'm 28. Well, I'm about to be 29. I'm engaged. Most I'm I feel very young to be that. None of my friends are. So I like we're kind of starting into We went to a wedding this weekend and like we're really kind of at the beginning of the wedding. I've had a couple weirdly growing up in Texas. None of my friends are It's a It's just different. I don't know. I weirdly from LA have a lot more friends that got married young than I did here. Very very odd. I know. Very backwards. So now we're moving into our wedding era and so many of the listeners that are here are going to, you know, seven weddings a year. So this is timely. >> Yeah, that's good. >> This much needed. [sighs] >> This is a this is a hot topic. >> Okay. [laughter] >> How to say no to being in a bridal party. [snorts] >> That's a tough one. Um, one of my one of my teachings is always you don't have to have a reason for your no. your no just needs to be your no. That's one of my teachings. So, I don't want to like speak against what I teach, but it is a little bit intricate because if somebody's asking you to be in their wedding party, it's probably cuz you're a close friend. Um, I'm going to tell you, I love the love sandwich. Okay? So, I'm going to tell you about the love sandwich. >> The meat, I mean, the bread is love. Love, love, love, love, love. The meat is the message. Okay? So, I might say something like this. I am so unbelievably honored that you would consider me to be part of your wedding party. Like what an incredible opportunity to celebrate you during this gigantically wonderful time in your life. Unfortunately for me, I'm not going to be available during that time. But I'm absolutely certain that you're going to find the right person for that spot. But more than anything, I'm with you in heart, in spirit. I want to walk alongside of you. I'm just not this is not a good season for me or it's not a good time for me or I'm unavailable. >> I love that. I think >> that's all you have to say. But if you wrap that with a sandwich of love, then that's it. You don't have to have the reason. If she gets offended by that and she's going to make a big deal about it, you got to leave her with that. You You don't have to be fearful of somebody else's response to your truth. You don't have to be fearful of that. If they have an offense about that, that's on them as long as you handled it beautifully. You got to leave them with their offense because nine times out of 10, somebody who's going to be offended that quickly is going to be offended that quickly no matter what you said. So, >> very true. >> Leave it. >> I think it's so tricky with bridal parties because they've just become so like there's like so many politics to the parties now. >> Oh my gosh. >> And I think it's a lot of unnecessary stuff. like we're only cuz I felt like for my party specifically I could either have six three of which are family members or 17 because if I had someone I'd have to have someone else and then it I didn't I just felt like it was too much and too big and I didn't need all that and we ended up going I just have three my three >> both say just do three. Yeah. >> Yeah. And then it's like three. It's like my two sisters and my cousin. >> So, we have like six, but like three of them are family members. But I I already feel like that's a really good decision that I've made. >> Absolutely. >> For that because I've seen it go south for other people. And I do think a lot of the time it's a size. And also for me, I was just I'm like bring making this about me because I'm talking this through in my life right now, but I really wanted people that I knew I would actually have in my life 20 years, 30 years, 40 years down the line. And I know that. And it's of course you can only know so much, you know, but the people that I really trusted and that I had those standing friendships with, but yeah, there's just there's so many there's just like anxiety around it. There's >> So, can I speak to that really quick because I feel like I have a word for the the girls who are being left out and not asked. >> Um, so all of my friends daughters, I've seen them get married and not and so forth. So, I've walked a lot of my friends through the these situations. Um, I'm speaking to the girls who are being left out, the ones who thought they were going to get invited and they didn't, and that's hurtful. And while I want to validate that that is hurtful, I want to I want to really really encourage young women to stop flowing in a fence of everything. If she loves you, she's probably struggled over this decision of who to choose and who not to choose. And it's absolutely not about you being ignored and rejected. It's about her financial decision. It's about her exactly what you just said. It's about her deciding that she has to kind of keep it in a little bit or not. And you're not being invited does not mean that you are rejected. It just means that it was a decision based on what was best for the bride. And so in order to not make everything back about the girl being rejected and not invited, honor her decision and celebrate her anyway. That's something I think that girls need to really receive because I've seen so much drama come out of and the poor bride is the one carrying the stress because and it's not necessary. And to the bride, I want to say do not allow everybody else's offenses and behavior and drama come in your space. You've got to build your space. You have a 9 ft in diameter around you. That is your field. That is what you can control. And if you allow anyone to come into that space, you are allowing that negativity and that stress and that drama to come affect your good nature and your amazing season of getting married. And so I would say shut that off and let them deal with that in their own way and time and don't allow the conversation. Just you made your decision. Honor that and stick to it and have fun with it. And and it's okay if everybody else around you has gotten mad. It's okay. >> It's okay. We don't have to go try to make them feel better. We don't have to try to make them understand. We've said what we got to say. Now just drop it and move on so that they they can figure that out themselves. But I feel like this is such a thing that robs the joy of weddings is all the drama that starts between the mothers, the mother-in-laws, the the siblings, the cousins, everybody that feels like they need to have a say in the wedding. I think the number one thing we got to learn is this is her big day. Let's honor her and whatever she wants. Whatever she wants, that's what we're going to do. I love that. Something my wedding, we just had my wedding planner on and she said, you know, there's always drama with the mom, the mother-in-law, the, you know, whoever it might be, but at the end of the day, I work for the bride and it's her day. So, I also I just think it's a really selfish thing to make it about yourself and to add any stress. Like, there's so much going on. >> I don't know. It's just it's it's crazy. Weddings bring the worst in people, though. >> But this is the thing. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. >> Oh, trust me. I do. Trust me. You got to believe him. You got to be like, "Wow, then that's probably why I didn't invite you." >> Yeah, exactly. [laughter] >> You're showing me why I was >> I do feel very lucky with that since like my friends are actually like totally fine. But yeah, I I can understand also feeling that's my whole thing is I didn't want anyone to feel left out. I didn't want I also wanted to be able to contribute financially and I could only do that with a certain amount. Like there was a lot of elements. It was not really super It wasn't as like personal as you would think. You know, >> it shouldn't be. Yeah. >> How to express that the bachelorette trip is out of your budget. >> [snorts] [laughter] >> I love this because I've I've had to talk to my daughter about this a few times. Um she bless her, she she does everything she can for all her friends. Um but how here's the thing back to that love sandwich again. I'm so thankful that you thought of me. Wow, what an exciting opportunity to celebrate this with you. Unfortunately, in this part of my life, I'm not going to be able to make it. But I do want to celebrate you when you get back. How can you and I do something together? Maybe we can go to dinner. Maybe we can go get our nails done or something. But unfortunately for me on this on this particular trip, I'm not going to be able to make it. >> You don't have you don't have to say, "I don't have the money." You don't have to say, "I'm in drama with my boyfriend." You don't have to say anything. I think another mark of a classy woman is just letting her know be her no and not having to wrap it with reasons. >> I like that. >> That's a posture. That's a posture move. >> It's confidence. >> It's absolutely right. What are some things that we should never be doing at weddings aside from wearing white? [laughter] You know, >> like the obvious one, >> wearing white and also wearing the most extravagant, outrageous, blingy, feathery, >> look at me, >> half your boobs hanging out, dress like >> it's not the place at someone else's wedding. >> No, the idea is she is the center of the event. >> Let's all subdue. I love what Megan Markle said. Um, she she on her documentary was saying that, which I love this so much because I love tradition and I love all the hierarchy. I love it. >> My husband's English. He's from London, England. We have family over there. We're there all the time. >> I see this for you. This makes a lot of sense. >> Yes. It's like my kids are like English. They're they know more about London than London people. Um, and so, uh, she said that when they're around the queen, before the queen passed, when they were around the queen, no one could wear color because she was the only one that was allowed to wear color. Everybody had to wear neutral colors, which I'm like, that's what I'm talking about because that's respect. >> Yeah, >> that is respect. I'm Mexican-American, so Mexican culture is very much about respect. And um, I love that. So, I think, you know, we need to come back to dropping this attitude that I've heard from girls like, "No one's going to tell me what I can wear. I'm going to wear whatever I want. I'm so proud of my body. I'm going to show it off." No, you're not. You're going to you're going to be classy and you're going to wear a beautiful a beautiful dress or whatever it is that you want to wear that is fitting for the occasion, which is she, the bride, is the center of attention. We don't want to do anything to distract from her. And that includes the mother of the bride. Man, can I go on about mother-in-laws? >> We need to do a whole series about me speaking to mother-in-laws. >> I would love that. >> Oh my god, do I need to do that. >> Yeah, it's the number one thing people write in on about [clears throat] on the show in the past couple months since I've gotten engaged. The without even comparison, I'm not kidding. I think the messages are 95% mother-in-law. >> [snorts] >> It is it is something I'm absolutely going to do because mother-in-laws are messing a lot of stuff up and they're alienating their own sons and their daughter-in-laws based on their words and their attitudes. And there's a definite method for that. And thank God my hus my son is 34 still looking for his wife because I've learned and I've grown so much in the last 10 years. And um and I've learned what I'm going to do and not do. Like for me, my daughter-in-law, and I I've been praying over her since my son was 5 years old, and she is going to be the absolute like uh next to my daughter, the queen. She's going to be we're a yes for whatever you need. We're going to take care of her just like we take care of our daughter. We're going to carry her and cherish her, and we're not going to argue. We're just not. We're a yes. And you are right. That's really my net net of what I'm going to be. I I'm too old to argue. I don't need to argue. Y'all can figure this out yourself. >> It's also their relationship and their life. >> It's their relationship totally. And I want them to figure it out themselves and learn from it. I will always give advice and direction when I'm asked. When I'm asked. If they're not asking, I'm not telling. That's my rule. >> And so, what was the original question? because I just kind of went off >> I think we were sorry >> I went off on the mother-in-laws cuz I feel like I can just hammer that >> talking you're fine to go off onto that cuz honestly it's probably a good conversation to have because we get so many messages but we were talking about some things that we should never be talking about at weddings and we were going into the dress and then you were saying there's a lot for mothers and mother-in-laws it's not about them. >> I think we should always as far as being a guest at a wedding we obviously should make sure that before we take pictures and videos that we allow the bride to post that first. Never ever post pictures of the wedding on your stories or on your reels or whatever before the bride. That's a huge fauxpaw. Like definitely respect her to make those announcements. If you know her well enough, you can just say, "How do you want me to handle posting?" That's it. Like, "Oh, I don't care." Cuz some brides would be like, "Oh, post away." You know, they just they want they want the attention. They want the shares. They want the views. All the things >> or they don't care about their social media presence. So, I think that's a lot of them, too. They're like, "Oh, I wouldn't have even thought about that." >> Oh my gosh, for sure. Like, when my daughter gets married, >> that's going to be a huge rule. Like, yeah, don't you dare post a picture yet. >> My cousin, my we grew up with our cousins as like our older siblings. So, I called her because I was needle pointing something for her like baby and she hadn't posted herself that she was pregnant, but everyone in her real life knew. And then I thought about it. It was in the background like, "Oh my god, what if?" Like, I was like, "Oh, this is not good." Like, I was just way overthinking it. She's like, "Kenzie, I've literally never thought about my Instagram a day in your life. You're fine." I was like, "Okay." But I had a heart attack. So, I was like, "Well, what if people?" And I was way overthinking it. I was just thinking people in our lives, you know, but it was fine. >> And then also, keep your phone turned off or on silent. Like, that's a major thing because that could just ruin the whole event, you know? Totally. Also, don't be late. >> Oh my gosh. Don't be late because you don't want to come rushing in the door right when she's about to come through the door. And if you are running late cuz things happen, you're going to stay outside. Yeah. >> During the ceremony, like just stay outside. Don't don't try to come in. No. Don't draw attention. That's the thing is that we've got to come back to traditional respect. And that is like this is her day. Everything's about her. >> Period. And just it's fun. Like have it like it's fun to celebrate someone else. Just have a good time. That's totally like >> I was at a wedding this past weekend and people one it was one of my friends who's also an influencer. So, she had someone who was live posting for her, but people even I'm kind of awkward like taking photos at a wedding. I'm like, I don't know. This is kind of like their thing. I don't I just overthink it. But then she was posting, people are posting and I was like, oh my. But then I realized it had already been shared. But I was sitting there like kind of mini like she's going to be so mad. And then I was like, oh, joke's on me. [laughter] >> Joke is on me. Oh. When you leave a wedding, do you say goodbye to the bride and groom or do you just leave and exit? >> Okay. I'm going to give you my personal. I I'm not I mean the Irish goodbye is also a etiquette fauxpaw. I think it's respectful to go and say thank you to the bride and groom, but normally bride and grooms make their way around the room and say hello to everybody. And so that's you've already made your greeting there in your salutation. For me, I'm going to read the room. If they're dancing, if they're in conversation with people, I'm probably just going to take off and text them both and say, "This was such a beautiful day or text the bride or whoever I know." um if if I can make my way over there, I absolutely want to say goodbye and thank you for inviting me. This was so beautiful. But we also have to be very aware that they are so snowed under by the amount of people that want to talk to them, by the details that they're thinking about about did we move to where's the boing planner, why have we not cut the cake yet, like why am I just now getting served my food? Brides are going to go through all of this thought process and like what's the next step? What are we doing? What's the time? What time is it? I haven't even eaten. You know, I've been talking to everybody. So, I want to be aware that she's probably already very like, you know, a lot going on. And again, I don't want to be a distraction to any moment that she might have. So, when she comes around to say hello, and if she does, then that's my time to to have my greetings. And thank you so much for inviting me. This has been such a beautiful wedding, and I'm just wish you guys all the best. And then that's it for me. you know, I don't want I've always been the one that kind of not don't want to interrupt somebody and be standing there waiting for you to get done talking so you could talk to me. Like I've had that happen to me a lot and it's a lot of pressure. And so while because I want to get to everybody and say hello to everybody. Um but I would just say like read the room. If she's sitting there eating and she's by herself with her husband, I would and do not take more than 10 seconds. Mhm. >> That's the other thing. Do not go up there and then choose to tell her all the drama that happened on the floor and oh my god, did you see that guy at the church? Did you even hear that? That thinga da da da. No, your thing is, hey, we're going to take off now. I love you. This was beautiful. You guys did such an amazing job. Have so much fun on your honeymoon and we'll see you when you get back. And then out. Like literally take 10 seconds of their time and then and then leave. I think the 10-second rule is so important because they've only got, you know, four hours at that that you don't have much time. I also I'm very anti-Irish goodbyes, obviously. But for me at my wedding, I would prefer I think for me when I'm thinking about it of saying bye to a bride. I don't want the bride to feel like the party is winding down with people leaving. Like I'd rather them have it. So I would rather people not do that. Like if I especially cuz I would have already spoken to you, I would be totally fine with people leaving without >> Yeah. She's not going to be she's not going to be like, "Where's so and so? work. That's the last thing she's going to be thinking about. >> Would a child-free wedding be offensive? >> I think it always needs to be a child-free wedding. >> I think it always needs to be a childfree wedding. That is not a popular opinion, especially when I have a niece who has two babies I'm obsessed with. And I might be a little frustrated if they didn't get invited only cuz I'm obsessed with them. So, I I don't want to validate that side, but I'm going to tell you, weddings should be child-free, period, because children absolutely are children, and they're going to see this big dance floor. They're going to run and play, and they're going to want to do all the things. If you have two kids that are in your wedding, two little ones, your nieces and nephews or whatever, or your best friend's kids, that's a totally different thing. But I'm talking about everybody bringing their kids. It totally ruins the vibe of a wedding. That's just how I feel about it. I mean, I agree. I think that there are certain cultures that will disagree with that and they believe that every single child and >> everybody should be present and I love that. But for me, my personal opinion is um I think that it it actually it doesn't let the parents enjoy the evening. It doesn't. It kind of creates like the kids are running around and there's going to be accidents and then there's crying and then there's babies needing a bottle and and all the things. And I and I just really think that a wedding should be really like intimate and special. Um that's I probably won't be a very popular person for saying that. But >> speaking of being intimate, what are your opinions on parents having an invite list? Like what do you like? Is there like a ratio that's acceptable? Is it only if they're paying? Like what are kind of your thoughts on the rules behind that? >> Wow, that's such a good question. Um, I think that parents need to be very um considerate of what their kids want. So, for example, my daughter and I have spoken about this already a bajillion times. She wants a small English wedding on the English countryside with like 25 people, 30 people, whatever. Well, I have a hundred people in my immediate family on my Mexican side. So, I'm like, well, I'm not going to not invite all my cousins because we're super close. And she's like, well, no, you're not going to invite them because, well, not really. But, so my thing is my net net is we'll we'll we'll find a different way to make that a yes. So, I want to honor what she wants. Like I I really we could we kid around about it all the time, but at the end of the day, I'm going to honor what she wants. And I think it's it's good for kids to have a conversation with their parents and say, "What are your expectations for your friends?" So my BFF daughter just got married 2 years ago and of course like she only invited three sets of friends to this wedding and then so did the groom's parents. Well, everybody else was their college buddies, their high school buddies, and everything else. when I think that's appropriate, but I don't think it's appropriate when a parent will say, "I'm inviting 55 people to my to your wedding." And especially when the bride and groom are paying for the wedding. Um, I think if the parents are paying for the wedding and they're like willing to pay for everything, that needs to be a conversation between the bride, groom, and the parents. And I think the bride and groom need to set a boundary of what they're comfortable with. I would never recommend um a bride and groom to say you cannot invite anyone from your from your life. Um unless they're kind of you're not really close to your parents and you don't have a good relationship with them and it's you're doing everything you can just to have them there then I would >> and that's the exception not the rule. >> It it is but you wouldn't you would be surprised how common it is. >> Oh that actually doesn't surprise me. >> Yeah. So, I would say definitely going back to managing your own expectations and not trying to manage everyone else's expectations is preset a boundary with your family. If even if they're paying for the whole wedding, just say, I I would like to share with you what it is that I would like to have. Of course, we would like for you to invite some of your friends, but I would be happy if you kept it to five couples or 10 couples or whatever. And that's that's kind of the way. And I'm and if any parents are listening to this because a lot of my community will come listen to this. >> Honor that in your kids. Do not make this about you. Honor what your kids want. That's going to be long-term. No parent wants their kids to get married and go away and never see them again. Especially when they have kids. Parents want to be close to our kids when they get older. So, we got to start doing things that make them want to come back. And that is honoring what they want in these very important moments of time. >> And I think just being respectful. I I I think on both sides of our like my mother-in-law and with my parents, like there's friends of theirs that would have been on my list without their invites, like without them like requesting an invitation. But >> I think for me, I mean, I don't know. I'm so early in wedding planning, so I'm sure there will be something. But the hardest thing, Charlie and I are both very very social people and we both have moved around and have different pockets of friends and we're just like we are like people people so the guest list is already the hardest part for me of cutting that and we're doing around 200 people and that we cannot get the people that we and I have a big family too but it's just really the guest list and it's on its own is so stressful for me because I want that and it's not even in a people pleasing way honestly it's a I genuinely like want this person and it's just really stressful. So I think to like add to that just it's not worth it. >> Well, and I >> especially if they're not paying for it. Especially if they're not paying for it. >> Yeah. >> If you're not paying for it, I'm sorry. You don't have a say. >> No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You just get to be there. >> You're a guest. >> Period. You're a guest. You just receive the invitation and you RSVP. Um, but I do want to say there's thing a thing I teach called the circle of friends. And I teach how everybody in your life can be in your 1 2 3 4 or 10. 10 is the abyss. You have no access to me. You're completely cut off. Like no contact. Um 1 2 3 4 is very common. So four is going to be your Facebook friends that you know casually or Instagram friends or whatever and and you know of them and you might say hi when you see them out in public. That's it. You only know what's going on through socials. Your ones are your ride or dies that know everything that have been with you through everything that still love you and don't judge you and will still be with you through everything. And that should only be two or three people. And then your twos and threes obviously that's you know they they they in degrees they become less accessible to you. So what I do in that circumstance is and I break that apart like crazy in my deal. But but what I would do in that regards is I would say I'm only inviting my level ones and my level twos. And then if if the level twos are too big, then I'm going to cut the level twos in half based on outside two or inside two. And that the where you are on my list is where you put yourself. I don't put people in that list. I don't put people in those circles. they put themselves based on what I believe qualifies to be close to me. So, can I trust you? Can I Are you going to constantly be talking bad about people around me? Are you constantly causing drama? Are you constantly offended? Then you're probably going to have to be on an outside three. You're not going to be on my twos because in my twos are people that I trust, that I love to be around, that I will invite into my home. Um, those kind of things. But so I will qualify people qualify themselves in my life based on who they've presented themselves to be. So it just releases me from that responsibility. And then when they do that then I can just look at that and go uh yeah they're a three I'm they're not going to be invited to that and and only because I'm not I'm not like I don't have to I don't have I don't have to explain that. >> Yeah. And you don't have to invest in that or it's fine. It's good to leave it like >> Yeah. It's been I don't know. It's so interesting. Oh, what is a gold standard for a wedding RSVP? What from the time you get the invitation to giving your RSVP? Like what is an acceptable timeline? >> I would say within 2 to 3 weeks. >> I like that. >> I am just like RSVP. If you're going to cancel, please don't cancel the day of the wedding. Don't cancel the day before the wedding. Like if you're going to cancel, give it at least 30 days. And if you haven't canceled within those 30 days to 3 weeks because the bride has just paid for all the food, she's paid for all of the stuff. If you don't, that gives her some time to like adjust >> and give someone a plus one. >> But if you have not canceled by then, unless it's an emergency, absolutely keep your RSVP, stay there, you know. >> Absolutely. Should everyone get a plus one? >> Oh god, that's such a good question. [gasps and sighs] Oh, that's also a a question of the time. Um, I really think it's it's appropriate to give everybody a plus one. I just that's just oldfashioned. I just do cuz I don't I would never come to an event by myself. Um, just like walk in by myself, sit by myself unless you know you're going with a bunch of friends. >> Totally. >> When you know you're going with a bunch of friends, then it's totally fine. But if it's really a gauge of the bride, um like for you when you're inviting your friends, you know there's three or four girls you're going to invite that are single and that will all come together >> and everybody knows each other. So it's just like a it's like a dinner party. Um but you also know that people who might be coming from out of town who are not going to know many people or maybe family members who are single that really don't know anybody. I would invite them and add that plus one. But to answer your qu that's my personal opinion, I don't I don't think there's etiquette on that. I don't think that you should be required to to have a plus one because that doubles your that doubles everything. >> I was going to say I think it's interesting cuz my wedding planner said recently if you have your friends wedding budget from prior to co toss that out the window everything has hiked up so much. >> So I think a lot of the time for people now it's a budget thing. >> It is a budget thing. So, I would say I would say no. I mean, I personally would do that because of my own things about not wanting anybody to come by themselves. >> And if you're in the >> position to be able to afford that, I think that's amazing. But I do think being strategic, if you can't do it for everyone, like that's what I was thinking. I'm like those certain friends I know they wouldn't even bring a class one because it's going to be a girls trip for them. >> Well, but here's the other thing. This, let me speak to that also. I don't want a bunch of people I don't know at my wedding. >> That Okay, so that is actually the real reason why I wouldn't have wanted to do it. That >> right. That's the part B of that. Yes. >> Is I don't want a bunch of random people maybe that this girl just found on one of the dating apps to come to my wedding that I am >> needing to pay for that times 20. >> Agreed. That I don't I think that they get a plus one if they're in a relationship. >> If they're in a relationship and you know the person. Yes. I don't want them shopping for a plus one to bring to my wedding. [laughter] That can't happen. That I've already seen friends like commenting on stuff saying that. I'm like, "Absolutely not. You're not getting a plus one. That's not happening." Cuz I I see what's happening here. >> Can't happen. >> My very last question. I could talk to you for seven hours. You needed to have done this in like installments. [laughter] Okay. If someone asks you to be in their wedding party, do you automatically have to ask them back? >> No. No. Absolutely not. >> No. No reasoning. No, I mean, no. I can't be any more firm on that than absolutely not. Who you invite to be in your wedding party is special to you. You might be special to someone else, and it doesn't mean that that person's not special to you, but there's so many different reasons. Budget, there is a choice to make it a small or a large wedding. Um, there's so many different reasons. Time. Yeah. And the person who's not getting invited, who invited someone to be in their party, it's not about you. It's about the bride. Let's honor what she wants. And so, no, you should not have to feel absolutely not feel obligated to take say, "Well, she I was a bridesmaid at my gosh, at that rate with you guys, you would have 40 people in your wedding party." >> You can't do that. >> No, because you guys are all being in each other's things. And here's the thing I love. My daughter had a friend that got married and I can't remember which one it was, but somebody did a wedding party. So, she only had one or two people in her like bridesmaids and then she everybody else was a wedding party. And I I don't understand that. That wasn't around when we were all growing up. >> I've seen this. >> And so, it just was like a house party where it might have been five or six extra girls that were part of the house party. So, but then, let me also speak to that. But then that ended up being those five or six girls pay and this is a different person. This is not the one I'm thinking of. This just came into my head about somebody else that told me about this. >> Then she wanted everybody in her house party to pay for everything. >> That's crazy. >> For her pay for all of her bachelorette party trip, pay for all of her every every single trip. It was thousands of dollars. So, the whole reason she brought this party together was to split >> cost >> the cost of everything, which that's a whole another subject. >> Do you think I lied? One more question. >> Yeah, go ahead. >> Do you think that the bridesmaids should be paying for the bride on the bachelorette? >> Depends on where it is. >> See, I don't feel like for myself, I don't think that they need to at all. >> Well, I >> I'm also in a good I've been working for a long time, so it's different. But I would never expect that. >> No. >> Yeah. If it's if it's at home, maybe if you're going to dinner. >> That's what I'm saying. It depends on where it is. If you're going on a trip and you're the one planning the trip, okay, you're like, "We're going to go to Cancun for my bachelorette party." And then you're pushing the expense on to all your bridesmaids. Absolutely not. That is so tacky and so classless. >> Could not agree more. >> I think if you're going if your bridesmaid says, "We're going to host a dinner for you at a restaurant," then all the bridesmaids totally >> obviously were not going to see. and she gets her own bill, you know, everybody's going to pitch in and everybody's going to do that. Same thing with a wedding shower. If they're hosting a wedding shower, nobody's going to expect for you to pay for that, right? But if it is a bachelorette party and you're taking it out of town and you're the one who's saying, "I want to go to Cancun for my bachelorette party and everybody needs to pay for that." That is so classless and so wrong because it pushes this unnecessary burden onto people who you don't understand their financial situation and they might not want to be spending that. They can't, you know, then they feel burdened. Then they feel they're not excited about it. They feel a little bit bitter. >> Takes out every excitement, every good thing out of it. >> Now, it's different if three or four of the bridesmaids got together and said, "We want to take her on a trip to Florida." >> Okay. and the four of us are going to split it and we're going to we're going to tell her we're going to do this and honor her. Well, that's on the four of them. They've come together and done that. >> But for the bride to create a wedding party, a bridal party or bachelorette party in a different location, you know, and then tell everybody to split. That is so cringe to me. >> It's it's >> it's so cringe. >> Gives me the egg. >> It does. >> Who should pay for the birthday dinner? >> What birthday? What do you mean? >> If let's say let's say let me give you the scenario, >> okay? I have a birthday next week. I invite six of my friends. >> Uhu >> because to me I should pay for it. >> You That's correct. >> Okay. But I feel like most of the time when I'm at birthday dinners and also I mean that I would be the one who would be offering to pay like I would be like oh let's >> sure >> you know. So that's I'm not like expecting them to not. But it is just kind of a conversation that we've been having lately because it's different I think when you're in your earlier 20s, but now that we're approaching 30 like the people if you invite people to dinner and you invite them to your own birthday dinner, you pay for that bill. >> That's correct. >> Okay, good. That's correct. I had to just get it for >> this is the way that this is the way that you communicate upfront that you're going to pay for everybody. I am hosting a dinner for my birthday at this restaurant. I will be taking care of the bill. So, please come. I would like to celebrate with you, but I will be hosting that. So, if anybody says that to me and they say I'm hosting or I would like to invite you to to dinner, I'm 100% hearing I'm paying for dinner. If you say, um, hey, do you guys all want to meet for dinner tomorrow night for your birthday? then that means everybody's Dutch, everybody pays for themselves. Okay? So the wording is very in important and how we deliver the invitation. So we cannot say, "Hey, who wants to go to dinner with me for my birthday?" And then um everybody just is expected to everybody is actually going to split the bill. But if you say, "I would like to have a birthday celebration at this restaurant and I would like for you to join me." you're absolutely obligated to pay for that. And also, let me speak to the other side of that because this is such a huge problem is going to somebody being so let's say you did that. Okay, it's my birthday. I'm having a birthday dinner. I'm inviting six of my friends. I want to pay for everything you guys. So then those people that come invite I mean they order the most expensive appetizer most you know they they act like you know it's a free-for-all and then they order like the most expensive steak and a dessert and five drinks. >> That is also ick that is also cringey and tacky and classless. If you go and somebody's actually going to pay for you, then you do not indulge yourself in everything. stay middle of the line and order something very affordable and order one drink and only do that if you're following the lead of the hostess. So if the person who's paying for the meal orders a cocktail or orders a glass of wine, then you order one. That's it. And if the conversation, "Yeah, but I want more than one. We're out for dinner." Then get up and go to the bar and pay for it yourself and bring it back. But do not think that she and by all means do not go to a dinner where somebody else is where you're supposed to be paying for yourself and it's Dutch and go, "Oh my god, I forgot my my wallet. Who do I Venmo?" And then never Venmo them. That's another huge problem that I'm hearing about. >> Huge issue. >> So don't even don't do that. If you don't have the money, just pass. >> Yeah. >> But you're going to be talked about. Oh, it's I could tell you people that I could tell you immed and I don't even actively like think about it, but I could list off people who have done that. >> I could tell you right now. >> Yeah. They just Oh, you always know they're not going to have their wallet and they're going to try to Venmo somebody which they never Venmo. >> And it's not about the money. It's about the respect or lack of the respect. Like it's how it makes you feel. It's like, oh, they kind of used me. Like, oh, I don't feel good about that. Like, I remember it because of how it made me feel, not because I don't I couldn't tell you what money they owed me. You know what I 100%. And I think if you're the person who doesn't have the money and you really want to go and you're close friends with somebody there, make that phone call before and say, "Hey, I don't have any money to go. Can I just pay you back? Would you can you cover me and I'll pay you back in a week?" And then it's on the person who's being asked. Then I would feel better. Absolutely. I'll take care of that for you 100%. But do not show up and then >> also just be sitting on your hands the whole time while everybody else is splitting the bill. The other things talking about splitting, I just did a thing on this the other day, is when you go out and and you think just just split it evenly. I don't like that. I don't like that because I see when I'm sitting at a table, that guy had six beers. This one had three cocktails. This one had six cocktails and four appetizers down there. And I had an entree and a glass of tea. How is that even to split the bill? >> I was going to ask this actually. Okay. So, the thing is you don't do that. You say, "No, we're all going to be on separate checks." >> You itemize it is what you do. >> Yes. Like that's fine. And these restaurants, they go, "We don't do separate checks." Well, we're going to do tonight. Yeah. >> Because we're not going to >> Yeah. What is since when? Like what? >> They they can I owned restaurants. >> I know. That's right. Like you would know of all people like >> and my restaurants were like in the early 2000s. So, we didn't have the technology we have today. They can absolutely do that with two clicks of a terminal. They just don't want to. they're just being lazy. So, I I think that 100% like be thoughtful and if you see somebody struggling or their card declines or whatever, the gracious girl in the room is going to jump in there and take care of that. Um, and that's that's an embarrassing situation. But I think if you're if you can't afford to go eat and you really want to go, either eat before you go and just have a glass of tea and an appetizer or ask somebody, one of your friends, hey, I'm going to get paid next week. Can I really want to go, but I don't have the cash. Can I? Nine times out of 10, your friend's going to be like, no, no, no. I got you. No worries. But to show up and just sit on your hands and keep saying you're that girl that never has her wallet, you're 100% going to be talked about whenever you walk away from that table. >> It is not a good look. Something too that I'll do if I'm out with friends is if I know like I got a drink and or half the table got drinks, they didn't. If there's someone who got a salad, I'm like just put them on my tab so that it's even. That's an easy thing. And that's 20 bucks when you're spending 100 bucks at dinner, you know? Yes, >> that's an easy way to fix it cuz I would never want like they got I would just never want that. Especially people who like if they don't drink or if they don't like that is not necessary at all. Okay, this has been fabulous. I had the best time. >> Me too. I love it. >> This has been amazing. >> I love all of this. I can talk about this for hours. >> No, you'll have to come back. We're going to have to do installments. We need to do maybe we can do an in-laws installment. We can do a holiday installment. I guess we're doing a series. I don't know why I'm using the word installment suddenly. Let's do it. >> I have some ideas on things that we could do. >> Let's do it. >> We should host a dinner party together. >> I was just going to say we need to host a dinner party together. We've been trying to do a gathering for my community in Dallas and we just have so many things going. We're like, are we going to do it this year? No, we're pushing it to next year now. Um, I would love to do a dinner party together. How much fun would that be? >> That would be amazing. And I've got great people that you would love to. >> Maybe we could even do like a a dining etiquette. I do this with kids all the time, like at risk kids. >> I teach them etiquette and then I take them to a nice dinner and and then let them practice it and it's so much fun to watch them. They're so sweet. >> That's really sweet. I love that. So many ideas. No, thank you for coming. This is amazing. >> Yeah, I love this. I love this. I feel like we're going to be friends forever. >> No, I'm obsessed. This is perfect. [laughter] >> Guys, did you not just die for Carla? Like, she was unbelievable. Okay, without further ado, let's get into our asking for a friend segment. Okay, as always, this portion of the episode is sponsored by a friend of mine, my home and hobby brand. Y'all can use code houseguest for 15% off at shopfriend.com. All right, Kenzie, I want to do the 10 dates in 30 days challenge, but how did you bring this up to men? Did you wait till they asked you out and then you told them it was a challenge or did you go all in and ask if they wanted to be a part of it before you brought up the date? Sincerely, a 2028 bride who's single, real, no, I did not bring it up to them. I also wasn't filming them, so it wasn't and I wasn't exposing really any information about them besides I I told you guys that like a guy asked me how much money I made. I wasn't really exposing anything about them. The 10 days and 30 days challenge was more about like me and putting myself out there. I know that I get push back on this on socials and stuff like because god forbid like men just hate women. But I'm sorry like going on a 10 days and 30 days challenge is normal to go start dating and putting yourself out there. There's really not much difference. like you're just putting yourself out there and dating like intentionally and like trying to put yourself out there and and just getting back into the world. Men do that all the time. They go on multiple dates weekly. Like it's fine. It's it's okay. Um I didn't expose that to any of them during the date because I was going on dates. So it like didn't I didn't need to tell them that I was like on this dating challenge. Not that they asked like what your dating intentions are and stuff. Just like you could even just say it's not being like dishonest. It's like hey yeah I'm really trying to like put myself out there. I haven't for me I hadn't been dating in a while. So, I'm really just kind of like finally tiptoeing in with my now fiance who I met on the dating challenge. It came up on date two because we were talking and like I also at that point like knew I was going to marry him and it was such a green flag that he didn't care at all and was like, "Oh, amazing. I'll just be the rest of the dates." Like that was it. No issue. But no, I did not disclose that with them because there was no need to like there was no point. We were just going on dates. It was a first date. Like you don't need to tell any of them everything on the first date. So anyway, that's my two cents on the matter and I think that that is Bible when it comes to the challenge because I made up the challenge. So anyway, uh I love y'all. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. Sorry I was coming in hot. I'm just really like I just record with like it was just such a good time. Like it was really just the best. So anyways, I love you guys and I will talk to y'all in my next