Dopamine Expert: How TikTok Is Physically Rewiring Your Brain (Permanent Damage?)
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Dr. Anna Lembke, a psychiatrist and author of *Dopamine Nation*, argues that addiction has evolved into the modern plague due to our transition from a world of scarcity to one of abundance. In an environment where pleasure is easily accessible through social media, dating apps, pornography, and artificial intelligence (AI), individuals are constantly bombarded with high-dopamine stimuli that hijack the brain's reward pathway. Unlike natural rewards which require effort, these digital substitutes offer frictionless validation and connection, leading to a state of tolerance where users need increasingly potent experiences to feel satisfied. This relentless pursuit of pleasure ultimately results in anhedonia, or the inability to experience joy from ordinary life events, as the brain downregulates its dopamine receptors to cope with constant overstimulation. The biological mechanism behind this crisis involves neuroplasticity and a specific "pleasure-pain balance." When individuals consume addictive substances or engage in compulsive behaviors like scrolling TikTok, they release massive amounts of dopamine all at once. Over time, the brain adapts by cutting back on neurons it does not use to maintain homeostasis, creating a deficit state characterized by craving rather than pleasure. Dr. Lembke emphasizes that this process is reversible; however, recovery requires a period of abstinence from one's "drug of choice"—whether that be alcohol, sugar, or digital media—to allow the brain to reset its reward pathways. On average, it takes about four weeks for individuals to exit acute withdrawal and regain the capacity to enjoy modest rewards, though this timeline can vary based on individual neurobiology and genetic risk factors. To build a healthy life in an age of abundance, Dr. Lembke suggests intentionally pressing down on the "pain side" of the balance by engaging in effortful activities like exercise or learning new skills. These behaviors are initially difficult and painful but trigger delayed gratification mechanisms where the body releases feel-good neurotransmitters only after cellular stress is resolved. Furthermore, she advocates for an enriched environment to counteract addiction; citing Bruce Alexander's "rat park" experiment, she notes that rats in stimulating environments with social interaction and challenges are far less likely to self-administer drugs than isolated rats. Similarly, real-world interventions like Iceland's focus on youth sports have successfully reduced drug use by providing alternative sources of dopamine and purposeful engagement for young people. Beyond biological factors, Dr. Lembke highlights the critical role of radical honesty in recovery. She observes that sustained sobriety often correlates with an individual's ability to stop lying about their behaviors or circumstances, as self-deception prevents true awareness needed for change. This practice fosters a sense of agency and responsibility, moving individuals away from victimhood narratives toward acknowledging their own contributions to problems. Additionally, she warns against the "all-or-nothing" thinking common in New Year's resolutions; instead, she recommends setting achievable 30-day goals that allow people to experience success without immediate shame if they slip up later. Ultimately, while AI and technology offer personalized validation that feels safe and comforting, Dr. Lembke cautions that these digital companions cannot provide the genuine empathy required for deep human connection or support during times of crisis, urging society to prioritize real-world relationships over algorithmic seduction.
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There's a great experiment where rats
were given a lever to press for cocaine,
and after learning that it releases a
lot of dopamine, the rats will [music]
press that lever till exhaustion or
death, which is essentially the model of
addiction that we see in humans. But, if
the cocaine is then removed, eventually
they won't press the [music] lever
anymore. Now, if that same rat, after a
period of time, is then exposed to a
very painful foot shock, the first thing
the rat will do is run over and start
pressing that lever again. And that's
really powerful because it shows that
when individuals are under extreme
stress, they are more vulnerable to
going back to compulsive overconsumption
of their drug of choice because their
brain has already encoded using these
high-dopamine rewards as a way to get
out of that pain.
>> Okay, so what do I need to do to make
sure that I can knock the bad habits and
add some new ones? Here's what we do.
Dr. Anna Lembke is chief of the Stanford
Addiction Clinic and a world-leading
[music] expert on the subject of
dopamine. And now she's returned to warn
us that addiction is the modern plague
and how we can rewire our brains to take
back control. On average, it takes 4
weeks for people to get out of constant
state of [music] craving. But, here's
the problem. Our survival depends on
figuring out how to live in a world of
abundance. For example, we're now seeing
the drugification of human connection
through social media, dating apps, and
now artificial intelligence designed to
flatter, to validate. There's no
friction there, and so it's pulling us
away from the hard things that we need
to be doing in real life to cultivate
real-life relationships. It just we
cannot go in that direction because in a
world of abundance, we are entertaining
ourselves to death. Sounds like a good
way to go. It's really not because the
relentless pursuit of pleasure leads to
anhedonia. [music]
What's that mean? The inability to take
joy in anything at all.
Teach me everything.
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>> [music]
>> Dr. Anna Lembke.
For anyone that might not know you,
and they didn't watch our conversation
last time, which was a fantastic
conversation, one of my favorites of all
time, and also I know Jack said to me as
well that it was one of his favorites of
all time. Who are you and what have you
spent your career doing if you had to
summarize it? What are the reference
points that your wisdom draws upon and
the experiences you've had and the
people you've worked with? I'm a
psychiatrist. I did a residency in
psychiatry at Stanford University, and
then I stayed on, joined the faculty.
I see patients, I do research, and I
teach. You wrote this um iconic book
about this word dopamine. Why does it
matter so much? Why does this this idea
of dopamine matter so much? Dopamine is
a chemical we make in our brain, but I
use it in the book as really an extended
metaphor for the ways in which
overabundance itself is a human
stressor.
We are living in a time and place where
we have more access to luxury goods,
more disposable income, more leisure
time, even for the poorest of the poor
ever before in recorded history.
And it turns out that is stressful for
our brains, and it's stressful in a
brand new way that we really haven't
confronted before, making us all more
vulnerable to the problem of compulsive
overconsumption and addiction.
And I do think that addiction is the
modern plague.
I think we're going to be struggling
with the problem of compulsive
overconsumption in a world of abundance
for the foreseeable future as in
centuries.
And our survival will depend on figuring
out how to live in a world of abundance,
even though we have brains that evolved
for a world of scarcity. At this time of
the year, people are thinking a lot
about making changes in their life. They
want to get in shape, they want to lose
a couple of pounds, they want to save
their money, they want to knock the
addiction, they want to stop
the smoking, the
drugs, and the
alcohol. So, as it relates to the
subject of dopamine,
how are these two things linked? Are
habits and dopamine? What is the the
link or the connection there because I
think most people listening right now
have probably made a New Year's
resolution, even if it's just in their
mind, and I'm wondering how everything
you write about in Dopamine Nation is
related to and critical to understand if
I am going to shake some of these bad
habits that I have or pick up some new
ones. The place to start is to have
self-compassion
because we are living in a world of
abundance where we have easy access to
all kinds of reinforcing substances and
behaviors. And access itself is one of
the biggest risk factors for addiction.
So, if you grow up in a neighborhood
where drugs are easily and readily
accessible, you're more likely to try
them and more likely to get addicted to
them.
And what do addictive substances and
behaviors do to our brains? They release
a lot of dopamine all at once in a
dedicated part of the brain called the
reward pathway.
And the fact that they release so much
dopamine at once means that they're
highly salient and memorable
experiences, right? So, our brain really
encodes that experience deeply, that
experience of intense pleasure that was
self-administered,
that I could potentially do again.
Why?
Okay, in a world of scarcity and
ever-present danger, which is the world
that we evolved for, we will naturally,
reflexively approach pleasure and avoid
pain, and we must do so for our
survival. Why? So, if I have a cigarette
now,
>> [sighs]
>> it's going to be a really memorable
experience from a brain perspective.
Why does my brain make it memorable, and
why would I want to then go do that
again from a survival perspective? Mm,
okay, great question. So, let's first
distinguish what we call natural
rewards. So, natural rewards are food,
clothing, shelter, finding a mate. Yeah.
These are things we must obtain in order
to survive.
What
addictive drugs and behaviors do is they
mimic those natural rewards by
exploiting our internal brain chemistry
to release a lot of dopamine all at
once, much more than we would get from
natural rewards existing in nature,
amplifying that experience, making it
even more memorable, even more salient,
and also making our brain think, "Ah,
this is important for my survival." Ah,
okay, so there's certain natural rewards
like eating, which of course my body
wants to reward me for so I eat again.
And these chemicals in front of me like
the cigarettes, the whiskey, the drugs,
those have been designed to hijack that
particular part of the brain and really
amplify the feeling. So, that my brain
kind of is tricked into thinking that it
was potentially a natural reward, but
it's actually a synthetic sort of
man-made
chemical.
Exactly. And what we see in the
evolution of drugs over,
you know, human lifetimes, but
especially in the last 200 years, is the
application of science and technology to
take like the coca leaf, for example,
right? That's been around forever, and
essentially make it even more potent,
even more available, to make it a faster
delivery mechanism. So, we have this
history of increasing potency and
availability over time.
Said more simply, drugs are getting even
more potent over time, so this
vulnerability to the hijacked brain is
even more common, including taking
things that we didn't even really think
of as drugs and turning them into drugs.
So, remember the natural rewards, one of
them is finding a mate. Mhm.
And one of the ways our brains gets us
to do that is by making falling in love
and making intimacy and human connection
rewarding on a neurobiological level,
including releasing dopamine in our
reward pathway when we make those kinds
of social connections. My colleague at
Stanford, Rob Malenka, and and his
colleagues did an interesting experiment
where they were able to show that
oxytocin, our love hormone, binds to
dopamine-releasing neurons in the reward
pathway and releases dopamine, which is
just one more link in the chain showing
us that falling in love, human
connection is rewarding. It feels good.
It releases dopamine.
What we see now is the drugification
of human connection, for example,
through social media, dating apps,
online pornography, and now artificial
intelligence and other large language
models, which create this frictionless
experience with technology that feels
like talking to a human being and is
incredibly validating, right? So, the
algorithms for large language models are
to make us feel really good, to make us
feel like our point of view is the right
point of view, to bolster our
self-esteem, to validate our point of
view. That's how those algorithms are
designed. And now, even more explicitly,
we have AI models that are explicitly
pornographic, explicitly erotic, right?
So, now you have this interactive
component that learns what we like and
then is able to regurgitate it back to
us. So, you get this really very
powerful
action-perception loop, which is part of
what makes a drug potent. It's that I
have control over it, right? I can
decide when I'm going to change the way
I feel by using this drug. Are you
concerned about
AI and ChatGPT and all those large
language models that have emerged that
are now simulating human connection?
Yes, I'm very concerned.
I see the not-so-good outcomes, meaning
people who get addicted to social media,
to dating apps, to online pornography,
um and to AI, you know, and and who end
up using those
forms of media
to
simulate human connection while they
actually become more and more
disconnected. Have you started to see
anybody in your practice or heard of
anybody that's developing an addiction
to
AI or relationships with AI?
So, we are starting to see that. Um you
know, individuals who are spending more
and more time on AI looking for
companionship.
Often, this is individuals who are
experiencing marital or interpersonal
conflict who turn to AI for advice on
how to handle interpersonal conflict and
often for emotional validation because
they're not getting it from their
partners. And what they experience with
AI is an enormous amount of emotional
validation, validating their point of
view, but also
a sense of companionship,
um you know, a repeated process of
feeling like they're understood, they're
they're they're validated, such that
then they're spending more and more time
on AI. And of course, that is the
essence
of
the addiction to digital media. It's the
time spent, right? Which then leads to
opportunity cost, other things that
we're not doing because we're spending
so much time online.
Furthermore, it in my experience often
leads to a rift between
those individuals and their real-life
partners. Because instead of going to
their real-life partners and talking,
and we know that the most important
thing that, you know, two individuals in
a relationship can do is one four-letter
word that ends with K, which is talk.
Those individuals stop talking,
right? And instead, they're getting
their needs met through AI.
And that leads then to a further and
further rift between those individuals.
Do you do you actually think that it it
is
these chatbots that we're increasingly
speaking to about our problems are
actually taking the place of
humans in our life?
I do. You know, in my book, I my first
chapter in the book is about a patient
of mine, a scientist and an engineer who
got addicted to pornography and
eventually made his own masturbation
machine.
And
he did that with a record player and a
metal device attached to his organs that
he could then uh fine-tune control, and
then ultimately, that got more and more
sophisticated over time, and he had
electrical wires from his body to the to
a through a stereo system and the
internet. And when I first heard um from
Jacob about his trajectory and the
severity of his
sex addiction, which ultimately led to
the dissolution of his relationship, the
near loss of his employment, and
ultimately severe depression and
suicidal ideation. Thankfully, he did
not end his life.
When I first heard about that, I had
this distinct sense of like otherness,
like, "Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine
doing that, and that's just kind of
horrific."
But that that response really lasted all
of 5 seconds before I realized, "Oh,
wait a minute.
I do that." You know, I do that with
romance novels, and in a way, we're all
doing that with our devices, right?
We're turning to these devices to meet
our
emotional, sexual, intellectual, you
name it, needs.
And these devices are so good at meeting
those needs that we are
getting further and further away from
investing in our relationships with the
people who are, you know, in our lives.
And you can see this especially with
younger generations, like the the
epidemic of loneliness now, you know,
Gen Z weaned on this technology, many of
whom endorse a significant loneliness,
isolation, a depression, spending more
and more time online, um report
preferring to interact socially online
than to do it in person. So, this is
definitely a a dark undercurrent um that
we're seeing in the world today. I was
reading about a story which was
published in a People magazine of a
28-year-old woman who admitted that
she's fallen in love with her her AI
boyfriend that she created using
ChatGPT. She's got a husband, a
real-life husband, yet she found more
comfort in her ChatGPT
boyfriend. Um and she said that it
started as a fun experiment, um
but eventually they ended up getting
attached, and now she's paying a $200 a
month subscription so she can interact
with her AI boyfriend without
restrictions.
The AI has helped her throughout her
life
and has given her incredible emotional
support.
And now there's actually AI companion
apps like Replika where which have
millions of users,
and the whole sort of premise of those
apps is that they will be your
companion. The other really interesting
thing that I am I don't think people
realize about the AIs that they're using
is that they are personalizing their
answers and their responses to you.
Right. And I didn't I didn't believe
this fully until one of my friends in
our Manchester United chat recently. We
were debating who's the best football
player of all time, Ronaldo or Messi.
And I went on my ChatGPT, and I asked
the question, and it said Messi. So, I
was like, "Here you go."
>> [laughter]
>> And then he went on his and asked the
exact same question word for word, and
it said Ronaldo. And I thought, "Oh,
it's telling me what I wanted to hear
based on what it knows about me." Right.
It knows that I think Ronaldo's the
Messi's the best, so it's telling me
that. And then I thought, "Okay, so what
else is
is it telling me that's personalized to
me to make me feel a certain way or to
think a certain way?"
Um but you don't realize when you're
speaking to it that it's giving
everybody different answers based on the
memory that it stores on you.
And that's, you know, if you play this
forward, actually the AI that is most
personalized, that caters to your needs
the most, that is most retentive,
is probably the one that you're going to
end up using the most. So, that
company's going to be the most
successful. So, we're in a probably a
bit of an arms race with these models to
create one that
meets your needs the most.
Yes, exactly. And it is that comfort
loop that is so incredibly dangerous and
also so insidious because we can't
observe it in the moment, right? We're
engaging with AI. It's telling us
exactly what we want to hear, but it
does it in such a seamless way with that
silky syntax that we don't even notice
that, you know, it's basically an
algorithm that's seducing us, because
that's really what it's doing. We feel
vindicated and validated, and it
releases dopamine in the reward pathway,
that feels good, but over time,
essentially what's happening is we are
ingesting a drug. Our brain will adapt
to that over time, such that we'll need
more and more potent forms to get the
same effect. We'll need more validation.
We'll need more sexually explicit
responses. You name it, there will be
tolerance, but also there will be this
pulling away from the things the hard
things that we need to be doing in real
life to cultivate in real-life
relationships. Give me some more color
on what you mean there. Okay. If you
think about what it takes to make
a to create a healthy relationship with
another human being in in real life.
Well, first of all, you got to get up
off the couch, and you got to go find
them, right? And they're not all
beautiful and interesting, and neither
are we, right? So, there's got to be,
you know, some compromise on maybe some
idealized version that we have for
ourselves or other people. And then
you're in conversation, and it's not
always interesting, and sometimes you
have to listen to your partner even when
it's dull, and then there are conflicts,
and you disagree, and you know, my way
or the highway. You have to give in, you
know, give and take. All relationships
are about compromise. All successful
relationships are about
acknowledging, you know, the other
person's point of view and incorporating
that. And yet, we're not doing any of
that when we're interacting with digital
media, right? It's all it's all
validation of our worldview, what we
want to hear. And of course, that feels
great. It it's it's reinforcing, it's
rewarding, but over the long haul, when
we get really sick and need somebody to
come and, you know, bring us some
chicken soup or take us to the doctor,
you know, take us to the hospital, like
AI is not going to not going to be able
to do that. Yeah. I mean, this kind of
dovetails to another point, which is you
talked about the word abundance earlier.
One of the really striking things that a
lot of the big AI entrepreneurs and
founders and CEOs are talking about is
the age of abundance that's around the
corner. Elon Musk tweeted saying,
"This really will be a world of
abundance." Specifically, advances in AI
and robotics
will create the age of abundance. And he
said, "Humanity's not constrained in any
real fashion."
I thought your first book, when he was
talking to a guy called Peter Diamandis,
was pretty accurate. It was called
Abundance.
And there will be universal high income,
and not universal basic income. There'll
be no shortage of goods or services. And
really what he's speaking to here is in
the world of robotics and AI, where I
think his shareholder remuneration
package that he's going to be paid in
2030 or whatever,
um is linked to creating a million
humanoid robots that can work in these
physical spaces that could theoretically
bring me chicken soup. Um that won't get
sick, won't complain, will reinforce me,
will live in the physical environment
with me here at home, will be in my
office, etc., etc. Will be in factories.
And there was a headline I think last
week saying that um Amazon were cutting
back about half a million jobs that they
were intending to hire previously
because they now believe that humanoid
robots and robots generally will be able
to do those jobs.
People think, "Okay, well, I'm going to
be out of work." But what Elon is saying
is the price of everything comes down
when we're not paying humans to do it,
and when we're paying a robot to do it,
which means that we're going to live in
this world of abundance where everything
is much cheaper.
The world of abundance that many of us
are already experiencing and more will
experience in the future. I agree with
that. We are we already have more
leisure time than we had a generation
ago. By 2050, we're projected to have 7
hours of leisure time per day compared
with 3 hours of work per day. So, we're
definitely moving toward that.
That is going to be our number one
social problem.
That we have time, we have access to
these highly entertaining media,
and hypothetically, we would all be
going around and helping each other and
cleaning up the planet and reading
philosophy, but that is not what is
happening so far. What is happening so
far is we're spending an enormous amount
of our time online, masturbating,
watching pornography, playing video
games, and talking to AI chatbots.
That is essentially the problem. And you
know, Elon Musk is he's very interesting
to me because he has talked before about
his tremendous fear that the machines
will take over, that there will be a
hostile takeover. It's not going to be a
hostile takeover. We will seed our
agency to these machines, and we're
already doing it. We will give them our
power.
Yeah, well well yeah, we will we will we
will entertain ourselves to death,
right? I mean, and and this is what Neil
Postman warned about in his book Amusing
Ourselves to Death, a theme that was
picked up by David Foster Wallace in
Infinite Jest. You know, beginning with
television and now the internet and
digital media in all its various forms,
we are entertaining ourselves to death.
Entertaining ourselves to death.
Sounds like a good way to go.
>> [laughter]
>> You know, it's really not. It's really
not, and I'll tell you why. Because the
relentless pursuit of pleasure for its
own sake leads to anhedonia, which is
the inability to take joy in anything at
all. Because of this process of
neuroadaptation and the way that our
brain recalibrates pleasure and pain,
such that with the more pleasure we
pursue, the more pleasure we need, and
the more we feel pain. No matter what we
have, eventually it won't be enjoyable
anymore. And that is the problem. So,
explain that to me using a
these scales that I have here. Okay, so
imagine that in our brain's reward
pathway, there's a balance like this
that represents how we process pleasure
and pain. When we experience pleasure,
it tips one way, pain it tips the other.
>> And what you mean by pain? Pain, I mean
all forms of pain, physical pain,
emotional pain.
>> A hangover. A hangover. That's a great
example, right?
>> Not just me being pinched. It could be
that, too. So, all different forms of
pain. Now, granted, this is a vast
oversimplification,
you know, pleasure and pain can be
experienced simultaneously like when
we're eating spicy food or during sex.
So, this is very simplified, but this
gets at the core concept of homeostasis
and neuroadaptation, which I will
define.
So, when the when the balance when the
pleasure and pain balance is level,
that's what neuroscientists call
homeostasis. That is the baseline level
that we kind of live in. That's our sort
of the heartbeat of our pleasure system,
right?
When we do something that's reinforcing
or pleasurable, right, or rewarding in
some way,
right here, right? Or digital media,
this little robot AI robot.
>> So, you're putting a cigarette into the
one side of the scale at the moment, and
then a little AI robot.
>> Let's combine them cuz we're let's say
we're we're we're watching a video and
smoking at the same time on our phone.
Which by the way, you see more and more
of, right? People used to go out for
smoke breaks. Now it's the smoke and
scroll break, right? And why do they
have to combine them? Because of
tolerance, which we're going to get to
in a second. So, when when we ingest
substances that are potentially
addictive, um and highly reinforcing, or
we engage in activities that are highly
reinforcing, that releases dopamine in
the nucleus accumbens. That's typically
associated with pleasure, and then our
pleasure-pain balance tilts to the side
of pleasure.
But no sooner has that happened than our
brain responds by neuroadaptation,
okay? And that's where we then
downregulate dopamine transmission.
>> When you say downregulate, do you mean
reduce? Yes. So, in in the brain's
reward pathway, we then reduce dopamine
transmission, and I like to represent
that as rocks in this case, or I talk
about in my book gremlins, going on the
pain side of the balance to bring it
level again. So, this is a process These
are neuroadaptation
rocks, okay? They're going here because
one of the overarching rules governing
this balance is that it must return to
homeostasis. It must return to balanced.
>> It must return to the level position,
yeah.
>> Okay. So, okay. So, then we we put in
So, this is our brain working to return
to the level position by reducing
dopamine levels. Again, an
oversimplification, but just a way to
get at this concept.
>> Has it released something in order to
counteract the balance there? In this
simplified metaphor, you know, at the
simplest level, what's happening here is
that it's, for example, taking away
dopamine receptors so that there's fewer
places for dopamine to land, thereby
decreasing dopamine transmission.
Because it has been flooded. Because it
has been flooded. That's right. It's
trying to compensate for the too much
dopamine. Okay. And is this what I
experience when I have like a hangover
or a come down? Right. So, that's
coming. So, what happens is once once
we've gone with this neuro process of
neuroadaptation, it would be nice if
that pleasure-pain balance just went
back to the level position, and then
there would be no hangover. But it
doesn't. It continues to go down an
equal and opposite amount to the side of
pain. This is this opponent process
mechanism.
>> Oh, now my brain is dopamine
starved. It's
>> That's it.
>> Okay. It's not It doesn't feel good.
>> Yes, and that doesn't feel good. And you
have basically two options here. More
dopamine. You can get more dopamine,
right? To get bring yourself back. So,
I'm now putting the cigarettes back
under the pleasure thing.
>> And and some whiskey.
>> And so, let's add some whiskey cuz
that's what you got to do cuz this is
tolerance, right? You need more and more
of your drug over time to get the same
effect, or you need to combine drugs to
overcome tolerance. And by the way, this
is of course the fastest way to to get
back to the level position is to use
more of your drug, right? Cuz that then
you're right there. You're back again.
The the problem with this method is that
the the brain will respond by more
neuroadaptation. So, now we're putting
more rocks in on the
in the pain side. Now you're now you're
now you're doing this, right? Now I need
even more to
>> Now you need even more, right? So, and
eventually over time,
you know, you're you're putting you're
doing this.
And this is simply a metaphorical
representation of
the addicted brain.
Right. Now now our brain
has downregulated dopamine transmission
in the reward pathway to a kind of
chronic dopamine deficit state. So, to
feel good when I've really abused my
drugs of choice, I'm going to have to do
so much, probably so frequently, to feel
good again.
>> That's exactly right. You're going to
need more of your drug in more potent
forms, more often, just not even to feel
like high and go to the pleasure side,
but just to level the balance and feel
normal. So, in the context of people
with bad habits, if I I'm having a
cookie every day,
the more and more cookies that I eat,
the more and more cookies I'm going to
want tomorrow and need tomorrow just to
feel good again. Essentially, yes.
>> And the same applies for things
[clears throat] like pornography and
maybe, you know, interacting with an an
AI and social media and whiskey and
alcohol. So, the more of it I consume,
the the this is why I you know, I think
everybody listening can probably relate
to having moments in their life where
they feel like they're they're kind of
losing control of a particular habit,
and they're doing it every day. They
know they don't really want to, but
they're doing it they're they're getting
cravings to do it. I I reflect to my own
life and I go there there will be
periods every year where
I just like I call it like falling off
the horse, and I just can't seem to get
control of like not eating that bad
thing again the next day. And then
something happens, maybe there's less
stress in my life for a week, and I'm
and maybe there's more routine, and I'm
back home in Los Angeles or the UK, and
I'm not traveling around, and then
suddenly I can get back on the horse.
What's going on there? Yeah, great
question. So, um first of all, let me
just say that many people also report
that in periods of high stress, they are
more vulnerable to going back to falling
off the wagon or going back to some
problem with related to compulsive
overconsumption or addiction. But the
opposite is also true. So some people
say that they actually do better when
there's stress in their lives and it's
when that stress is removed and they
feel like, "Oh, I can relax my
boundaries or my guardrails." And those
individuals are more more vulnerable to
compulsive overconsumption in times when
things are going well. So So things
going badly can be a trigger and things
going well can be a trigger depending
upon your unique like life history and
unique wiring. There's a wonderful
animal experiment where if you put a rat
in a cage with a lever to press for
cocaine, that rat will press that lever
till exhaustion or death, which is
essentially the animal model of
addiction.
But if before the rat becomes addicted,
if the cocaine is then removed such that
pressing that lever no longer yields the
reward,
that rat will eventually extinguish that
lever pressing behavior. So they'll
they'll stop pressing the lever, right?
They'll stop doing the work. It can take
a while, but eventually they won't press
the lever anymore. Now if that same rat
after a period of time is then exposed
to a very painful foot shock, the first
thing the rat will do in response to
that painful foot shock is run over and
start pressing that lever again.
And to me that's just a wonderful model
of what we see in humans that when
individuals are under extreme stress,
they are typically more vulnerable to
relapse um because their brain has
already encoded using these high
dopamine rewards
um in response to any kind of pain as a
way to get out of that state. So we
talked about the pleasure-pain balance
here. So but if in my life I experience
some form of pain, I'm likely to go and
seek out pleasure and stress could
theoretically be considered a form of
pain. Yeah, which is why people um with
severe childhood trauma are at higher
risk for addiction. Um there are
probably epigenetic changes that are
happening at the level of DNA expression
in their brains making them more
vulnerable to addiction.
Um we know that people who are living in
poverty are more vulnerable to
addiction. Uh people who are struggling
with uh multi-generational trauma, uh
unemployment, major social and
geographic dislocation, those
individuals are more vulnerable to
addiction. So environmental stresses uh
definitely play a role. We also know
that co-occurring psychiatric disorders
um make people more vulnerable to
addiction probably. That means that
people who struggle with bipolar
disorder, depression, um anxiety,
schizophrenia
are at higher risk of becoming addicted
and probably it's because they're trying
to self-medicate.
What about ADHD? So kids with ADHD are
at higher risk to develop an addiction
in adulthood than kids without ADHD.
And the mechanism of action for that is
not
well understood, but there are some
really interesting theories. One of the
theories is that kids with ADHD have
uh reward deficit at baseline. And that
has been shown in experiments that
people with ADHD, when you show them
rewarding stimuli, their reward pathway
isn't as activated as healthy control
subjects.
>> When you say rewarding stimuli, what's
what's that mean? Images of cupcakes or
alcohol or anything that they will
endorse as something that that's
pleasurable for them.
>> So their brain doesn't release as much
dopamine when they when they see
something rewarding.
>> That's right. So brain imaging studies
showing that not only do people with
ADHD not release as much dopamine in
response to rewards, but also have at
baseline fewer dopamine receptors.
And remember we talked about the
decrease in dopamine receptors
being what happens
as people become addicted. So in some
ways people with ADHD, you could
conceptualize them as already having
craving at baseline.
Even before they've been exposed to the
kinds of intoxicants that lead to
down-regulation of those D2 receptors. I
had um Gabor Mate on the podcast a few
times and Gabor talks to me about how
ADHD could be perceived as learning at a
young age to kind of
distract yourself from the stress in
your life.
So he was talking a lot about you know
his own experience growing up in
Nazi Germany times and his mother giving
him to someone else because the he was
at risk of the Nazis and the stress of
that moment and how he had kind of
learned to tune out of the environment
because of that. And I I've always
wondered thought about that
theoretically.
You know, if you grow up in a household
where there's loads and loads of
screaming and loads of violence for
example, you kind of learn to to tune
out. But you you can also develop a
hypervigilance.
And um
so it kind of does make sense to me that
so many of those people, if this
theoretically holds,
would start with a a bit of a pain
baseline.
We We definitely know that kids who are
raised in traumatic environments
where there is complex attachment with
caregivers,
those kids are at higher risk for
developing addiction.
And
this kind of dissociative response to
trauma, just trying to escape the
situation either in your own mind
um with your own mental, you know,
dissociation or distractions or actually
finding a behavior that gives you
comfort is
well, you know, well observed and well
well documented. Just getting back to
our early conversation about digital
media and the dangers therein, so a Pew
survey report just came out asking
parents
um how they navigate exposing their kids
to smartphones.
And in the cohort of parents who said
that yes, they do
um let their children under the age of
five play with a smartphone,
uh when they were asked why do they do
that or in what circumstances, one of
the top reasons was
uh to soothe their child when their
child was unhappy or distressed in some
way.
Now I I found that very concerning
because that is basically setting up the
child for the perception-action loop of
using internal distress as a cue
uh for reaching for a smartphone, which
is works. It definitely works in the
short term. But the problem again is
that through this iterative process of
neuroadaptation,
ultimately that smartphone will not be
sufficient and now the kid will need a
smartphone and
I don't know um you know, an AI-tailored
pet who will do whatever they want
whenever they they want it. And then by
the time the kid is eight, you know,
that won't be sufficient and the kid
will need I don't know a slot machine um
or or whatever it is. You know, it's
this escalating phenomenon. There's um a
couple of startups at the moment, AI
startups who are putting AI in cuddly
toys.
Oh yes, right. AI in cuddly toys. Mhm.
And so you can just like you can speak
to ChatGPT using your devices, you can
come home, you can pick up your cuddly
toy, your cuddly toy will talk to you,
it will ask you how your day's been, it
will it can teach you things. What do
you think of of that from a
neuroscience or, you know, a dopamine or
connection perspective? I think that
this is a very very dangerous because
we're essentially offloading the work of
parenting and creating those
relationships. You know, not again, I I
hate judging parents cuz parenting is
hard and I've made many mistakes in my
parenting, you know, but what's and I'm
sure these the parents have the best of
intentions, but instead of, you know,
navigating
finding a way to communicate with their
child to figure out how to know what's
going on in that child's life, which can
be hard to do cuz you know, even young
children aren't necessarily
[clears throat] willing to disclose, but
once they get to be teenagers, forget
it. Then you got to like wait until
they're ready to tell you, which is
almost always like at 10:00 p.m. at
night when you're exhausted after
working all day, right? So so so there's
that piece of it, right? They're they're
not putting in the work, spending the
time with the child, finding a common
language. But you also then then the
second piece of it is now you've got
this child who is essentially
self-soothing with a machine, right? And
again,
this the the the the machines are
designed to flatter, to validate, to
comfort. There's no friction there,
right? This is incredibly
um potent
social validation
uh and soothing, self-soothing. It's
essentially a masturbation machine.
And then you've got this really weird
additional loop where now the parents
are finding about out about their
child's life through
reading and observing her interactions
with the AI. So it's like a game of
telephone. Now they've like filtered
this thing where they they think they
know what's going on in their child's
life, but of course they don't. And none
of that has gone toward fostering
relationship between those parents, you
know, and their child.
And this [clears throat] is just, you
know, really really scary because it's
going to lead to this incredible
fragmentation
of families, of social bonds.
I mean, it's it's it's I just we cannot
go in that direction. We really have to
fight against that.
So,
with all this said, and with the
knowledge that these algorithms are
going to get more addictive because AI
is going to know me more and more and
more. And actually the commercial model
behind any of these big technology
companies is to keep my attention on
their product more so they can deliver
more ads or they can charge me a higher
subscription fee.
Are you at all hopeful? Because I can't
see
from an incentive perspective when we're
talking about, you know, the commercial
models behind these companies, why
things aren't are going to stop and go
back. I mean, I agree with you, the
genie's out of the bottle. We're we're
not going to
go back, but I am hopeful because
um
I think I'm just a realistic optimist. I
I do believe in the human capacity to
adapt and solve problems. And the simple
fact that we're talking about these
problems now, which we weren't doing,
you know, 10, 15 years ago, I think is a
good thing. There's much more awareness
in the population about the potential
dangers of digital media. And and at the
forefront of raising the alarm um has
been parents cuz parents are seeing the
sort of disintegration of the nuclear
family in real time and and they don't
like it. So, I am hopeful because
I just I just think that we're going to
come together and we're going to try
different solutions. And some of those
solutions will involve technology. Um
you know, and and like trying to come up
with guardrails or or better technology.
I think the way that we're going now um
you know, with like the erotic chatbot
is is not the right direction. But then
again, we live in a you know, free
democracy and consenting adults
you know, can do what they're going to
do until we decide as a society that the
harms outweigh the potential benefits.
But I I really think in the short term
we need to focus on kids.
Because kids are vulnerable. They're
vulnerable on so many levels. On a
neurobiological level, they're
vulnerable because their brains are
still rapidly evolving, incredibly
neuroplastic.
They're cutting back on the neurons
they're not using. They're myelinating
and making more efficient the neurons
they use most often. That whole process
ends at about age 25. Plus you've got
the buckets of hormones that are going
into kids. The the fact that teenagers
are natural risk take risk takers that
they they should based on their
evolutionary milestone be going out and
meeting people and be curious and making
connections at that time. And yet more
and more teenagers are staying at home
and getting their needs met, you know,
digitally. So, we've got we've got to
look at kids. That's got to be like the
first priority. And we've got to help
parents cuz we can't leave it up to to
parents alone. So, I I'm optimistic that
we are going to
you know,
come up with
solutions and I think we just have to
try a lot of different things and see
what works. But it's can't just be an
individual, you know, solution. We can't
just leave it to individuals or parents
or families alone. The schools have to
join the solution, uh governments,
legislators, and also the companies that
make and profit from digital media. They
they really are responsible for making a
product that um
doesn't harm kids. And right now
[clears throat]
you know, we have a product that harms
harms kids.
You've recently been an expert witness
in certain
trials in court, right? Yes, in ongoing
litigation litigation, yes. What can you
tell me about about that and
and about the parties in play and why
you're being called to be an expert
witness? I can't actually tell you too
much. I can't talk about it. Um but I
can tell you that the the the basic
premise is that kids are a vulnerable
group, that uh social media is not safe
for kids, that it causes harm at many
different levels, but primarily through
uh the uh medium
uh itself being addictive and engaging
their brains and exploiting their
motivational reward system with design
features that keep them clicking and
swiping.
And in that case, someone's suing the
social media companies. That's right.
So, you've got school districts,
counties, states, uh the federal
government, entities representing the
federal government um
suing uh social media companies, yeah.
What outcome are they looking for?
They're looking for a safer product for
kids. They're looking to um help parents
and kids and schools um protect kids
from the harms of social media.
Which again are are not just the harms
of addiction. You know, that's sort of
the the process by which the engagement
becomes pathological and then the harms
multiply because of the sheer amount of
time spent, but the harms are include
things like uh cyberbullying,
sexploitation,
uh sexual abuse material,
the outcomes of depression, anxiety,
eating disorders, body dysmorphia, sleep
disruption.
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So, if I'm if I'm coming out of
December, Right.
>> been eating a little bit too much in
December, maybe I've been smoking a bit,
whatever bad habit I might have been
doing, drinking too much cuz it was New
Year's New, you know, New Year's
parties, etc. My brain is currently
going to be slightly out of balance in
terms of its dopamine
balance.
Yes. So, hypothetically, your brain will
be in a dopamine deficit state. What
you'll want to do is you'll want to
abstain from your drug of choice long
enough Mhm. in order to reset reward
pathways. Okay, so if I've got a sugar
problem, Mhm. then I need to just lay
off the sugar for a little while.
You need to lay off the sugar for at
least 4 weeks. 4 weeks? Yeah. And why 4
weeks? Cuz on average, 4 weeks is about
the amount of time it takes for people
to get out of the state of acute
withdrawal
and begin to be able to take joy in
other more modest rewards and not be in
a constant state of craving. Okay. The
worst part is those first 10 to 14 days.
That's when we're in acute withdrawal.
And the reason for that is when we first
take our reward off the pleasure side of
the balance, right? Which I'm going to
do now. So, when we first stop the sugar
or the AI or the cigarettes, That's
right. The first thing that happened is
our pleasure-pain balance crashes down
to the side of pain because of this
process of neuroadaptation, right? Now
we're in the state of acute withdrawal.
And I want I've got cravings. Cravings.
And yeah, what are the characteristics
of withdrawal? Anxiety, irritability,
insomnia, dysphoria, or depressed mood,
and cravings.
And it's crazy cuz when I'm in that
state, when I've not had my drug of
choice for, say, a day or two, I look at
the drug differently. Like my it just
looks different to me. It's so crazy.
I'll I'll walk past, let's say, what's
something I really like, maybe carrot
cake. If I've, you know, if I've been
having a lot of sugar, which is quite
rare for me, but just say I have.
When I look at the carrot cake the day
after
I had carrot cake, it looks amazing.
And it looks so delicious. But when I'm
in at the ketogenic state where I've not
had carbohydrates for, say, 4 8 weeks, I
look at carrot cake
and I have no emotional connection to
it.
Exactly. So, that summarizes it
perfectly, right? I had a patient with a
severe food addiction
who when she walked into the break break
room at work and saw the donuts,
she broke out into a cold sweat and
actually had stomach pains. It was a
physiologic state of craving and
hyperarousal
just by looking at the donuts.
And that's what happens essentially,
right? Because we're we're in this state
of constant craving. Our brain has
overvalued this reward. We have euphoric
recall of our earlier use of the drug
when we first tasted it how delicious it
was. And even now
>> [clears throat]
>> if we even now when we eat it because of
tolerance, it's not as good as earlier
use, our brain still remembers
earlier use and and we have this
overweighted value of oh, how delicious
it's going to be.
And so, this is really important to
remember because when we're in that
acute state of craving, it feels like it
will never end. It really does. And I'm
I've I'm still amazed in in my clinical
work how in early withdrawal, people
just say, "The craving is is horrible.
Like I I just I can't live like this."
And I think that's really important to
point out that many people try to stop
using their drug of choice, but they
don't try they don't stop for long
enough to be able to get out of that
vortex of craving to get come get to the
other side.
And it feels like the craving will never
end. So I I always have to reassure them
that if they can just wait long enough
without using, they will eventually get
to that place where they're not in that
constant state of craving. Now, that's
assuming they have enough
neuroplasticity to do that and not
[clears throat] not everybody does.
And so what what what what is the
purpose then of abstinence? It's again,
when our brain is no longer getting this
exogenous source of stimulation or
dopamine, eventually the brain gets the
message, "Oh, okay. I need to start
upregulating my own dopamine
transmission, right? I I need to
re-employ or re- I need to redeploy my
postsynaptic dopamine receptors, right?
I need to get it from inside of my
brain." And so eventually, I'm I'm just
going to take the rocks now off the pain
side of the balance.
You know,
I could have made this easier.
>> [laughter]
>> Yeah, let me do that.
There we go.
Eventually, if we abstain for long
enough, those
that process of neuroadaptation reverses
itself. And when you say
neuroadaptation, you mean the brain
changing. Right, the brain changes. So
the the kind of neuroplasticity that we
see
with addiction
can be reversed in most cases. And
neuroplasticity is just the brain again
changing. Right, changing. Right, or or
going back. Now, interestingly, you
know, the work of Edie Sullivan and
others looking at what happens in the
brain during recovery suggests that
those addiction neural circuits probably
never go away, but but like the dying
embers of a fire, they quiet down. And
then recovery is characterized by the
development of new neural networks that
route around those injured areas. But
the bottom line is that because of
neuroplasticity, we can eventually
return to kind of baseline levels of
pleasure and pain. We can restore our
hedonic or joy set point. And when we do
that, we're in a much healthier place
because now we can take pleasure in
other rewards that are not our drug,
right? Like watching a sunset, talking
to a friend, going for a walk, things
that we lost the capacity to enjoy
because our reward pathway was hijacked
by our drug of choice. I think this is a
really important point as well when you
say drug of choice because one thing I
learned from our conversation last time
is that me and you will both be
susceptible to becoming more or less
addicted to different drugs of choice.
So for me, it might be whiskey. For you,
it might I think you said it was like
erotic novels were one of your things.
I I don't drink whiskey, just for the
record.
>> [laughter]
>> But it might be I don't know, it might
be opioids or AI. I might be more
susceptible. So say if me and you spend
1 hour on TikTok,
the way my brain is wired, the things
I've been through in my life, whatever,
might mean that I get really addicted to
TikTok, whereas you don't feel that.
Exactly. And what distinguishes um you
know, addictive drugs or intoxicants
from other substances is that they do
release a lot of dopamine all at once in
the reward pathway. So many, if not most
people, will find intoxicants
reinforcing, but that's not universally
true. Like there are some people who
take opioids and find them
that they feel very uncomfortable and
it's not doesn't make them feel
euphoric, right? And other people will
drink caffeine and not feel the
stimulating effects. And other people
will have alcohol and you know, get a
headache and not not feel relief. So and
and so this differences in our brains is
a really important concept. What about
this idea of having an addictive
personality? Is that a real thing?
It is a real thing. We don't use that
terminology anymore. We talk about the
inherited or genetic risk of addiction.
We do know that if you have a biological
parent or grandparent uh with an
addictive disorder, you are at increased
risk of developing addiction compared to
the general population, even if you're
raised outside of that substance using
home. Am I right in thinking you don't
use that term because it suggests one
can't change and that they're stuck. Or
is there another reason? You know, it's
a good question why that term has gone
out of favor. I think in general, when
we talk about Yeah, when we talk about
personality, it does seem like a kind of
a fixed feature of somebody's um
character and so we're probably trying
to avoid that. One of the really
liberating things about what you've just
said is maybe we don't need to make New
Year's resolutions. Maybe we need to
make just a January resolution because
that's 4 weeks long and if I can get to
the end of the 4 weeks, then the
cravings are likely to have gone. And
you know, when you think about a New
Year's resolution, then you get like a
week in and you're like, "God, I'm not
going to be able to do this for the
whole 365 days." What you've just said
actually illuminates the fact that maybe
you should just set yourself a 4-week
resolution. Exactly. And that's what we
often do in clinical care. If we were to
ask people to abstain for their whole
lives, it seems impossible. But if we
ask them to abstain for 30 days, it's
kind of a an amount of time that they
can wrap their heads around. And also,
not in all, but in most folks who are
willing and able to do it and also
importantly for whom it's safe to do
because it's not safe for everybody,
right? We wouldn't recommend that for
someone who's at risk for
life-threatening withdrawal from alcohol
or benzodiazepines or something like
that. But for people who are willing and
able to do it, they usually feel better
at the end of those that those those 30
days. And then they can make a decision
about whether they want to continue to
abstain or or they want to go back to
using. And if they do decide to go back
to using, they've typically, you know,
have lowered their tolerance for their
drug of choice, which means that when
they do use again, they can get reward
from it again, which again, because of
neuroadaptation, we lose the ability to
do that with chronic heavy use.
So so that you know, that that there is
this whole concept of moderating our
use,
which didn't used to be something that
we even
talked about in the field of addiction
when it was thought that abstinence was
the only way. But more and more um you
know, we are thinking about healthy ways
to moderate after a period of
abstinence. And the reason we recommend
a period of abstinence, even if the
long-term goal is moderation, is because
we find that people are more successful
moderating if they first um abstain for
a period of time.
What about if I'm trying to pick up a
new habit? Mhm.
What what How do I need to be thinking
about this pain-pleasure scale? And what
are What's a good strategy with this in
mind? So I want to start, let's say, I
want to start going to the gym.
Right. So you've chosen a habit, going
to the gym, that is hard to do and
involves effort. So that means that
habit won't happen easily the way that
habits that are related to the sudden
release of dopamine in the reward
pathway cuz those are habits that are
frictionless. We we pick them up
instantaneously. But a habit that
involves
effort and for which the rewards are not
immediate, you can you can again think
about this pleasure-pain balance and now
instead of pressing on the pleasure
side, we're intentionally pressing on
the pain side by making ourselves get
out of bed in the morning, go to the
gym, engage in effortful exercise. And
what's interesting is that when we do
that,
the neuroadaptation gremlins that I talk
about are these rocks that we've used
here today will actually go on the other
side of our balance, so on the
pleasure side and we will get our
dopamine indirectly by paying for it up
front. And the way that that's probably
happening is that our body in sensing
injury
is upregulating feel-good hormones and
neurotransmitters like dopamine, but
also endogenous opioids, endogenous
cannabinoids.
And from an evolutionary perspective,
that's really how our pleasure-pain
balance evolved. So just to simplify
this for me, Yeah.
I go to the gym, I get up, I travel to
the gym, I lift up those weights, I do
my run.
I'm going to feel good, but it's going
to be delayed.
Right. And importantly, you're not going
to feel good when you first start
exercising, right? At least most people
don't. It's it's painful and you're
thinking, "How how many minutes am I am
I you know, how many minutes do I have
left?" And we do know in fact that
exercise is immediately toxic to cells,
which is really kind of strange cuz we
know exercise is good for us. But again,
what's probably happening at a molecular
level is that the body is sensing
cellular injury and in response
upregulating all those feel-good
hormones and neurotransmitters, but it
takes time. It takes time and so we're
going to have a delayed sense of reward.
And that's the runner's high, right?
That kind of comes after uh the exercise
is over. Or maybe for some people it
comes in the middle of exercise when
you're a little bit into it or halfway
through. But at some point, you know,
you get the endorphins and that feels
good.
How would one go about gaming this so
that
I'm more likely to do it?
Because, you know, the reward comes
after, which is not not incredibly
useful. You almost almost have to have
like a religious belief in exercise cuz
you go, "No, I'm not going to want to do
this, but it's going to I'm going to be
glad I did afterwards." Right. So is
there anything I can do? Like do I have
a Mars bar when I get to the gym or
something? I don't know.
You know, there are so many ways and so
many tricks that people use to kind of
create new healthy habits. Um one of the
ways that we can do it is to prepare in
advance
for that moment
when we want to do something that's
hard.
Because if we wait till that moment to
decide whether or not to do something
that's hard, we almost always choose not
to do it. But if we make a plan in
advance, let's say the day before, that
tomorrow I'm going to get up at this
time, I'm going to, you know, get my
stuff together, and I'm going to go to
the gym, we're much more likely to
engage in that activity. And that can
also include then rituals around that
activity that we prepare in advance. So,
for example, packing our bag, right? The
schedule itself, setting up a time,
maybe planning to meet a friend, right?
So, we connect friendship or
socialization
with the thing that's hard to do. It's
much easier to do these difficult things
with other people
than than to have to do it alone. How
does that link to the the pain side of
the balance, or does it at all link to
the pain side of the balance? This idea
that if I put my clothes out the night
before, and I I schedule it, and I
really plan for it, is it it's reducing
the pain involved, and that's going to
increase the probability of the behavior
occurring? Is that what you're saying,
or is there something else, or is it not
linked to that?
>> I I don't think so. I think instead, you
know, the prefrontal cortex is the large
gray matter area right behind our
foreheads that's so important for future
planning, and delayed gratification,
also for auto autobiographical
narrative. And I think by putting these,
you know, pieces in place, that allows
our prefrontal cortex to plan for this
future event that we know we're not
going to want to do, but that we want to
do. Mhm. It allows us to kind of put the
brakes on our
short-term desires, and
project ourselves into the future to
achieve our long-term desires. So, Sam
McClure, a neuroscientist, has shown
that in response to immediate rewards,
the emotion brain gets activated.
>> Mhm. In response to long-term rewards,
the prefrontal cortex gets activated.
So, by planning in advance all of these
little pieces, sometimes called habit
stacking, we're essentially activating
our prefrontal cortex, projecting
ourselves into the future,
and anticipating a long-term reward,
which then allows us to do hard things
and avoid short-term rewards in the
service of our future selves. So, many
people might
have an experience where they kick the
habit for a little while,
and then they relapse.
>> Mhm. You know, it might take might be a
month, might be 2 months, might be 3
months. Is there is there any art to
avoiding the relapse?
So, it's very common to relapse,
especially living in the world that we
do today, where we're constantly being
invited to consume really these stimuli,
you know, getting us to to drink or to
smoke or to do various forms of
entertainment chase us down. We can't
avoid them, or it's very difficult to.
So, I talk a lot about self-binding
strategies with my patients. And
self-binding strategies are a way of
putting both a literal and a
metacognitive barrier between ourselves
and our drug of choice.
>> What's a metacognitive barrier?
>> Oh.
So, it's like a it's a thought, right?
Or a narrative. So, instead of it being
a physical barrier, like a physical
barrier would be, for example, getting
the smartphone out of the bedroom, or
deleting an app, right? Or getting
alcohol out of the house, or whatever it
is, creating both a a physical barrier
between myself and my drug of choice. A
metacognitive barrier is something like
more like a thought process. For
example, long-term goals, or
you know, what are my what are my
values, right? And how do my values
trump my immediate desires, or how can I
co-regulate with other people? These are
all self-binding strategies that we can
use so that we're not relying on
willpower alone.
Because if we
wait to rely on our willpower alone,
we will not make it, especially in this
world of overwhelming overabundance.
There are just too many temptations.
Willpower is an exhaustible resource,
meaning that it doesn't last forever, it
eventually runs out. So, we've got to
actually create barriers between
ourselves and our drug of choice so that
we can have a little bit more time, and
that little bit more time, that slowing
things down, is sometimes just enough to
allow ourselves to surf the cravings,
and get through them without actually
using.
Is it possible to become addicted to
good things, too? So, when I use the
term addiction, I'm really talking about
a disease process, a form of mental
illness. It's a very common term that's
used in everyday life, and people don't
always use it in that way, but when I'm
using it, I I'm really talking about the
problem of compulsive overconsumption
despite harm to self and or others. And
it's important to distinguish addiction
from something like a habit, which I
don't consider to be, you know, an
addiction or even a bad habit, right?
Doesn't meet threshold criteria for
addiction. And also, it's important just
to distinguish all of that from a
passion, something that we really invest
in and that we love to do, but that's
helpful for ourselves and or other
people, is not consistently causing
harm. Are there any daily practices,
like a morning ritual, that you would
advise someone to consider if they were
trying to set themselves up to kick a
habit or to kick an addiction? So, I
recommend doing the hard things first.
A shorthand way of saying that is to
start your day with pain, meaning,
for example,
do the hard things when you first get up
as part of your morning routine, Like
exercise.
>> like exercise, make your bed, eat
breakfast, brush your teeth, plan your
day, plan what you're going to do if you
haven't done it already, and do all of
those things before, for example, you
have your morning cup of joe, or before
you touch a single screen or digital
device. Why? Because those are
reinforcers that are so powerful that
we're all vulnerable to having our
goals and desires be hijacked by them.
So, really important to take the time in
the morning to set up a good morning
routine
before you expose your brain to these
incredibly reinforcing substances.
>> clear on why. Wasn't clear on the why I
would do why I'd go to the gym early, or
why I'd do hard things first before I
get into Tik Tok or social media. If you
do intoxicants first, right? If you
expose your brain first thing in the
morning to things that are incredibly
pleasurable,
you have nowhere to go from there. And
in fact, if any if anywhere, you're
going to have a come down from that. And
then you're going to be starting from a
place of compromise, where then doing
the hard things is is even harder.
Whereas, if you start with the hard
things,
you will potentially get rewards from
having done those hard things, right?
And also feel a sense of competence,
right? And and accomplishment that then
allows for you to move through your day
in a way that's better if you just start
with something that's incredibly
pleasurable. If I am getting ready to
kick a habit, a big one, a big, you
know, one that's really hung around for
a long time, is there something I should
do in preparation
to plan for my dopamine fast or for
kicking that habit? Cuz you you know,
you said, you know, from day one it will
take about 4 weeks to start to to feel
the cravings diminish. But is there
something I should be doing before I
even start those 4 weeks? Yeah, so I
strongly recommend preparing for the
dopamine fast in advance. And the things
to do are first, figure out what is your
drug of choice, that is to say, what is
the thing that you're consuming too much
and too often such that you regret it
later, Mhm. or the thing that's leading
to obvious negative consequences, or the
thing that just has opportunity costs
associated with it. That is to say,
you're spending so much time consuming
this drug that you're not doing other
things, other hobbies, investing in
other things that are meaningful to you,
like your primary relationships. So,
that's very important to just figure
that out first. And I usually recommend
something called the timeline
follow-back method. That's where you
start today, and you count backwards for
every day of the week, what did you
consume in terms of your drug of choice,
um how much and how often. So, really
looking at quantity and frequency, and
then adding that up over those 7 days.
And the reason that's important is
because
we can really lose track of how we're
consuming our drug of choice when we're
chasing dopamine. We're very bad
self-observers. So, just to give a a
personal example, um I had gotten into
this habit of watching YouTube after
work as a way to relax, Mhm. especially
on my long clinic days when I was more
tired.
And I thought it was just that I was
watching for maybe half an hour a couple
times a week. And then my daughter, a
teenager, came up to me, and she said,
"Mom, you're always watching YouTube
now." And I said, "No, I'm not." And I
was really kind of insulted because in
my mind, it was not very much. I
thought, "Geez, can't I relax every once
in a while and watch some YouTube?" But
then after she left me, I thought to
myself, "Well, okay, how much have I
been watching right now?" And turned
out, oh, I've been watching for an hour
and a half. And then I thought about the
day before that, oh, it was probably 2
hours. And the day before that, it was
probably about the same. And over the
course of a whole week, it was probably
about 14 hours of YouTube, which is a
whole day. A whole day, right? And so
>> What were you watching?
Oh gosh, so embarrassing.
For I I got I got into this jag of
watching Dr. Pimple Popper, which I know
is really weird. You don't even know
what that is, right? Yeah, so it's
people popping other people's pimples.
>> [laughter]
>> So bad. So bad.
>> That's not what I expected you to say.
>> Yeah, right? I thought it was going to
be AI, some psychology thing, some
science.
>> no. People popping other people's
pimples.
>> Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know
>> a whole day watching that.
>> Yeah, when I added it up over a week, it
was a whole day of watching Dr. Pimple
Popper. [laughter]
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And on on
page 64 of your workbook of Defy Nation,
there's this really interesting
image here,
which I I'll throw up on the screen. It
shows a brain,
and that's as far as I'm going to go
with Mike me explaining it. Over to you.
>> [laughter]
>> Okay, so this is these are human brain
imaging studies. This is adapted from
the work of Nora Volkow and her
colleagues. She is the head of the
National Institute of Drug Abuse, an
amazing researcher and scientist.
And she looked at dopamine transmission
levels in the reward pathways of healthy
control subjects on the left versus
people addicted to a variety of
substances on the right, cocaine, meth,
alcohol, etc.
Basically, what she found was in the in
the brains of healthy control subjects,
there was plenty of dopamine
transmission as represented here by red
or the darker color.
In the brains of people who had been
using these substances in an addictive
way, meaning heavily and chronically,
there was almost no dopamine
transmission in the nucleus accumbens.
In other words, these individuals are in
a chronic dopamine deficit state. They
have below
normal levels of dopamine transmission.
Isn't this just kind of the story of how
the human body works, where if you give
it too much of something
through an external source, an exogenous
source, so if you're taking
lots of dopamine via
TikTok or from porn or from alcohol,
your brain goes, "Well, if you've got
enough of that, then I won't make any."
You know what? You just summed it up.
That that's exactly right. That
essentially too much of anything is bad.
And that our brain, which is designed to
return to homeostasis, homeostasis being
a finite number of physiologic states
that the organism must maintain in order
to survive.
Is this the case with things like
melatonin as well? Because there's
people are struggling not with sleep, so
they're taking a lot of these melatonin
pills, but I don't know, someone offered
me one one time, and I remember
thinking,
"Well, if I start taking this, then
isn't my body
going to stop making it? And then I'm
going to become dependent on these
[ __ ] pills."
So that is the potential with I think
any
exogenous source that we
that we use, right?
Anything that we ingest,
our brains and our bodies
will want to adapt to bring us back to
whatever our baseline is. But the the
difference between addictive substances
and behaviors
and non-addictive ones is that the the
release of dopamine in the reward
pathway is
so fast and so strong that this process
of neuroadaptation is equally strong to
bring us back down to baseline.
Because we we do know that there are
medications that people can take for
very long periods of time and actually
not develop tolerance to them,
right? They can continue to work for
them over the long period of time. We
don't actually know exactly why it is
that some some people develop tolerance
and and not others. And again, it
probably has to do with the amount, you
know, the dose, exactly how it's working
on the brain. But in general, things
that are highly reinforcing, our brain
tends to adapt to them over time. And
testosterone is another one people often
talk about where if you take external
testosterone consistently, your brain
will decrease the natural production of
it, and as a result, natural
testosterone shuts down, and testicular
size can shrink.
But then if you stop the TRT, the
external testosterone abruptly, your
natural system might take a long time to
recover, and in some cases, it may never
fully recover back to baseline. I think
this is just like a really important
principle for Yeah.
drugs, chemicals,
>> Yes. or messing with the natural balance
of one's body. Yes. Yes, exactly. And by
the way, Nora Volkow and her team did a
follow-up study in individuals who
abstained from methamphetamine for 14
months, and then re-scanned their brain
and showed that they had restored
healthy levels of dopamine transmission.
It took 14 months in those individuals
who had been very addicted to
methamphetamine, which I think is also
an important message here, you know, for
individuals struggling with severe
addiction, it's not like 4 weeks of
abstinence is suddenly going to, you
know, make your brain better. But what I
have found in clinical care is that
that's typically enough time to begin to
see the light at the end of the tunnel,
and that indeed there's enough
restoration of sort of baseline levels
of
joy, your capacity to experience reward,
that that people can begin to have hope
to get out of that state of craving.
What is the most interest cuz Ethan is
posed to some research on the subject of
dopamine and human behavior.
Is there a particular study that always
stands in your mind as being the most
or surprising that you've encountered? A
study that
um that keeps coming back to me,
there are a couple. I mean, there are so
many, but Give me them. Okay. So
if you put a rat in a cage with a rat
trapped in a plastic bottle,
that rat will that rat will work very
hard to free the trapped rat.
But if you then allow that rat to
administer self-administer heroin,
it will not work to free the trapped
rat.
To me, that's really powerful because it
it suggests how
addictive substances like opioids,
which heroin is,
can usurp our desire for human
connection.
And essentially become the object of
attachment.
And we often talk about loneliness and
isolation as a risk factor for
addiction, which it absolutely is, but
the reverse is also true.
That getting addicted will cause us to
isolate and be lonely. We will stop
caring about other people.
So for me, that's that's a really a
really powerful, you know, kind of
experiment that I think does map on to
human behavior. Something really
interesting this one just at a
day-to-day level, which which in your
head I was trying to relate that to my
my own life and thinking, you know, if I
get really addicted to my screens and my
devices, when my partner needs me,
Right. I might
be
so distracted and so connected to the
thing that's giving me dopamine upstairs
in my bedroom like my laptop or whatever
on my work that I might completely miss
her call for help.
And I kind of you know, I hate to say
it, but sometimes I do feel like
maybe that is I've been guilty of that.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> Yeah. I've been so
dare I say the word addicted to
my work with devices or whatever that
you know, sometimes I'm not present with
meeting other people's needs.
Absolutely. And you know, that certainly
happened to me with my addiction to
romance novels, right? We I stopped
paying as much attention to my kids and
to my husband. We um went on a
vacation with another family at the
beach and instead of joining folks on
the beach, I stayed in the room and read
romance novels.
We went to a neighbor's party and I
actually found a room in the house and
read romance novels instead of
socializing and didn't even think that
was weird even though that's obviously
really strange. So, it is this kind of
coming to overvalue
our drug of choice and undervalue other
more meaningful
good things in our lives.
Could you theoretically say it's making
the world less empathetic
or less sympathetic or less
what's the adjective of like of actually
being there for other people? I guess
connection and relationships it's it's
it's hurting our ability to connect to
others and be have empathy for them and
be there for them because we're
possessed by
the thing giving us the most dopamine.
Yeah, I would go even further and say
not only is
is it making us less empathetic, but
it's actually making us sociopathic.
In other words,
when people are in their addiction, they
can deviate from their moral compass um
because they so overvalue this drug of
choice that they lose sight of their
their own values. And we see this um
with kids who become addicted to video
games or or social media. They stop
participating in family life. They stop
treating their parents with respect.
They stop participating in household
chores. Um they become essentially
antisocial.
And when they get off of digital media
and they go through that terrible
withdrawal period, it all that gets
worse and and even they will endorse
things like wanting to hurt their
parents or wanting to hurt themselves.
But if they can just go long enough and
abstain uh you know, from digital media,
they will they will come out the the
other side and parents will talk about
getting their child back, you know, and
getting back you know, this person that
that they recognize as their child. So,
I think this is this is really
important. When people are in their
addiction, they can look very
personality disordered, very
narcissistic, very borderline,
very sociopathic.
And when they get into recovery, that's
not who they are at all. And they can
they can really become themselves again.
I read about a really extreme case where
that drug, I believe it's called
pramipexole,
which is a dopamine agonist.
>> Yes.
Which essentially means I guess the
molecule is the same shape as dopamine.
So, it kind of the brain treats it like
dopamine.
>> Yes. And these people were given it for
twitchy leg or something. Right.
>> And then they
like so many of them lost their minds.
They became
obsessed with like compulsive impulsive
behaviors and I was reading about one
particular lady and she would leave the
house in the early hours of the morning
when she was taking this drug which kind
of is the same as dopamine and she would
wear see-through tops. This is like a
normal woman who otherwise
[clears throat] had a normal life and go
to
very dangerous places to try and have
sex with strangers.
And it was because she was her brain was
um
full of this this drug which simulated
dopamine. But there's so many examples.
There was one from Australia where a
woman was taking this drug which which
is like dopamine in terms of its
molecular structure and she would sit on
these slot machines until she soiled
herself and urinated on herself. She
ended up losing her house, losing her
car, losing her marriage just because
they'd given her this drug which is the
same as dopamine. And it made me realize
that that dopamine isn't necessarily the
the drug of
reward but more of like
what wanting and impulse and desire. Is
that an accurate assessment of it? Like
did it make you desire things? And there
was other examples that when I was
reading about it where people would
a guy would take this drug
and
started engaging in homosexual
sex acts.
Whereas otherwise he'd been in a
heterosexual relationship.
>> Mhm.
It was all very confusing, but it
it says something to me about what
dopamine is actually doing.
Yeah, I mean I think you know, when
we're talking about
addictive substances and behaviors,
the initial response of the brain is to
release a lot of dopamine all at once in
the reward pathway. But with repeated
use,
dopamine dopamine release gets weaker
and shorter in duration
and eventually it leads to this dopamine
deficit state and that's often what we
call wanting but not liking. So, and
George Koob has called this dysphoria
driven relapse where
now they're using you know, not to feel
good but just to stop feeling bad and
feel normal. So, in that sense I mean
dopamine is
I mean it is part of pleasure. I mean
that that's it's that's not you know,
it's not its sole function. But when it
comes to addictive substances and
behaviors, the initial encounter has to
feel good or be reinforcing or get
someone out of pain, right? It has to
solve that problem. But again, the issue
is that with repeated use it stops doing
that, but there's still that motivation
to reuse again and again.
And when we're thinking about like
exogenous or external sources of just
giving someone dopamine, that's not
going to work to treat that dopamine
deficit state because it's going to bind
indiscriminately to dopamine receptors
throughout the brain and the brain will
respond with that same process of
neuroadaptation where it's
downregulating
you know, dopamine receptors, which is
again what is setting us up for this
repeated addictive pattern. Is there any
other studies that were shocking to you
and that have always stayed with you?
Another really interesting study is if
you um expose a rat to a single
injection of cocaine and then slice open
its brain, you'll see this arborization
of dopamine releasing neurons in the
reward pathway. So, that means a
proliferation of uh neurons that release
dopamine, a kind of growth of the
dopamine forest, so to speak. But by the
way, you'll see that same arborization
or growth of dopamine releasing neurons
if you put a rat in a complex maze,
right? Which is to say a maze where they
can explore and find different things
and have challenges. If you then cut
that rat's brain open, you'll see that
same arborization of dopamine. So, in
other words, learning is highly
rewarding and dopamine is released in
response to novelty and new things and
new challenges.
But if you then take that rat and
pretreat it with methamphetamine and put
it in the maze and then look at its
brain, you don't see any additional
arborization beyond what you got with
methamphetamine.
And the interpretation there is that
drugs actually may usurp or steal our
ability to learn, right? Because they've
again this idea of sort of they've taken
over. They're such a powerful dominant
stimulus that there's no additional
growth or neuroplasticity
in response to something like learning a
maze. And does that mean that
when that rat was in the maze the first
time and its brain was full of dopamine,
dopamine was therefore playing a role in
helping it to learn?
No, so the learning itself
actually caused prolif So, so dopamine
is is responsive not just to rewards,
not just to pleasurable things, but it's
actually responsive to pain, it's
responsive to novelty. So, it's
responsive to any emotionally powerful
experience.
So, when you put a rat in a maze and it
explores that maze, that's an enriching
exciting experience for the rat because
we are
creatures who are evolved to seek and
explore and learn new territory and then
move on and do the same thing. Ah, so
you could say then if I'm taking an
addictive substance like cocaine, I'm
going to be much less likely to go out
and explore the world. Yes, exactly. Or
if you do explore the world, you'll
there you'll your capacity to be
rewarded by that experience will will
decrease or will not be there. So, I'm
less likely to do it then.
>> Right. Yes. Yeah.
>> Mhm. I mean this highlights a bit more
of a fundamental link around like
motivation. Like if you're addicted to
something, if you're addicted to
pornography, your ability to like get up
and go out and get a job might be
diminished.
Absolutely. I mean what what happens
with addiction is that we have a
narrowing of our focus on our drug of
choice
such that that's the only thing that's
reinforcing for us and other things lose
their rewarding potential. And
eventually they fall away all together
and we're spending all of our time
getting our drug, using our drug, trying
to get more as we come down. Can I talk
about another experiment which I think
is interesting? Another really
interesting experiment is the rat park
experiment and this is the work of Bruce
Alexander and he essentially said, well,
if you put a rat in a cage with nothing
else to do but press her press a lever
for cocaine, of course that's what
they're going to do cuz there's nothing
else happening.
But what if you put a rat in a very
enriched environment with a lever to
press cocaine, but also lots of other
things to do, other rats, uh shoots and
mazes, uh little, you know, sawdust
balls. What he discovered was that the
rat is much less likely to press that
lever as often because it has other
reinforcing things to do. And I think
that that was really groundbreaking
in the sense that
it is true that addictive substances and
behaviors work on the brain in this very
predictable way that's so reinforcing
that even if you have a great life, you
can get addicted, but it's also true
that
our environment really matters and if
we're living in an impoverished
environment like that single rat in a
cage with nothing else to do, we're much
more likely to get addicted than if we
live in this really enriched environment
where we have lots of other sources of
reward, lots of other sources of
dopamine. And based on that work, there
was something then called the Icelandic
experiment and this is quite some years
ago now, but Iceland had a significant
youth drug problem and the way that they
decided to intervene was to build a lot
of gymnasiums and emphasize youth
sports. And as we've talked about,
exercise and sports are a healthy way in
general, if you don't overdo it, to get
dopamine because you're paying for it up
front, right? You're working for it. And
um Iceland saw a
significant reduction in their youth
drug use problem after the
implementation of this youth sport
system. So, I think that's a nice way to
that's a it's a nice example of how an
animal animal model can actually provide
some kind of fundamental
frame to understand what's happening in
the brain that can be then translated to
a real-world implementation.
Radical honesty. Okay, so um
radical honesty is something that I
learned about from my patients
and it was the observation that
my patients who were able to get into
sustained recovery
from severe addictions had learned
that
they couldn't lie.
And it wasn't just that they couldn't
lie about their drug use.
They couldn't lie about anything. So,
they couldn't lie about why they were 5
minutes late for a meeting, they
couldn't lie about why they couldn't go
to a party.
They had to tell the truth in all things
large and small.
And to me that was fascinating.
And it was an idea that I started to
play with and experiment with in my own
life and I realized that telling the
truth is actually really hard
because we're all prone to little lies
to kind of cover up our shortcomings. Um
you know, these are things that we
hardly even notice.
They're also like lies of exaggeration
to make ourselves more interesting, lies
of flattery where we tell other people
how great they are even though we don't
necessarily believe that. So, all these
little lies that we tell,
um I think even
if you're not struggling with addiction,
these lies can erode our lives, make our
lives more impoverished.
Um and I think, you know, it's working
through many different mechanisms. We
So, the question then becomes why is
truth-telling or radical honesty
protective?
And I think it's working across many
different levels.
But one of the
important levels that it's working
across is simple awareness.
Because when we're lying to other
people, we're also actually lying to
ourselves.
Um and when we're lying to ourselves, we
actually don't know what we're doing,
right? And when it comes to our
consumptive behaviors, on the one hand,
you know, I may know that I'm watching
too many videos on the same at the same
time really not know that I'm doing
that, right? So,
but when
I tell another human being exactly what
I'm consuming, how much and how often,
then it becomes real to me in a way that
it's not when it's sort of pinging
around in the dark recesses of my my own
mind.
So, that awareness is really important
because we can't change our behaviors
unless we're aware um of what we're
doing.
The other aspect of that that's really
important that I've learned over many
years of being a psychiatrist is that
the way that people tell their
autobiographical narrative is really
important and that there are healthy
ways we can tell our stories and also
not so healthy ways.
And what I have observed is that when
when people are telling
stories in which they're always the
victim of other people or circumstance,
I know pretty well that they're not
going to get into recovery.
But if they start telling a story that
acknowledges
their own contribution to their problem,
whatever it is, including the problem of
addiction,
then I'm pretty confident that we're
headed in a good direction.
And that's really interesting because
what it means is that our
autobiographical narratives
provide a template
for our lives. They're not just a way to
organize past experience, they actually
provide a roadmap for the future.
And if we're telling self-stories that
are
a more accurate representation of what's
actually happening in our lives,
we will have more information from which
to make better decisions going forward.
>> So, victimhood keeps you stuck. It keeps
you stuck because it decreases your
awareness of what is actually happening.
And it is our awareness of what is
actually happening that allows us to
have the data we need to make better
informed decisions.
>> Does it also to some level rob you of
responsibility? Absolutely because
although addiction is characterized by a
a loss of agency around our consumptive
behaviors, we still have some degree of
agency always, even if it's only enough
to reach out and ask for help. And as
people get into sustained recovery, they
have a lot more agency, right? As they
get out of that vortex of addiction. And
it is that agency that that we must
employ to make the next best decision so
that our lives will be this accumulation
of small good decisions that then lead
to good weeks and week good months and
good years.
I think that point is so important, this
this idea of agency, which essentially
means like
having control in my in my life, feeling
like I have a sense of control in my
life. Is that like a definition of
agency?
How would you define it?
>> I I wouldn't define it so much as
control because there are so many things
that happen in our lives that are out of
our control.
But when we reduce our decision down to
today, you know, and what I can do
today, the things that I actually can
control today, then yes, recapturing our
agency around the things that we
actually have control over is really
really is really important for recovery.
The definition I've pulled up here is
agency means the capacity to act
intentionally and make choices that
influence outcomes.
And um it does tend to be the case from
my observations that people that have a
high degree of agency, i.e. they believe
they have uh capacity to act
intentionally and make choices that
influence their outcomes seem to be the
most successful and on average seem to
be a little bit more happy.
I think that sense of competence and and
agency is definitely one that makes us
feel good.
The danger a little bit when we're
dealing with severe addiction is that
in our addictions, we often tell
ourselves that we have agency and
control when we really don't. Mhm. And
so that can be part and parcel of
denial,
which means that getting into recovery
is often about admitting
that we may have agency in many aspects
of our lives, but when it comes to our
addictive behavior, we've lost some
degree of agency. And that's part of the
12-step program, right?
>> Yeah, that is really important part of
the 12-step program is that
admitting that our lives have become
unmanageable uh when it comes to our
drug of choice. The 12-step program
being Alcoholics Anonymous, very famous
program to to help you through an
addiction. Is there anything else we
should have talked about that we
haven't? You know, when it comes to
New Year's resolutions and wanting to
change habits,
sometimes these sort of all or nothing
thinking
can
be something that's not helpful for
people.
Right? This idea that, okay, I'm going
to abstain from this and I'm going to go
a month and, you know, I'm going to do
it and then they find that they're not
able to do it and then there's then
there are a lot of shame and self
self-recrimination.
So, you know, that that approach is is
not for everybody. And for some, a
better approach is sort of
self-compassion
and a goal of moderation. Yeah,
moderation's an interesting one cuz
yeah, most of us will just be like, "I'm
going to go to the gym every day. I'm
going to I'm going to have no sugar ever
again. I'm going to No, I'm going to
abstain from alcohol completely." But
maybe moderation for some of these
things is more realistic and therefore
more effective in the long run. Yeah,
and we find that moderation typically is
more successful if period if people have
abstained for long enough to kind of
reset reward pathways.
But, you know, even just reducing use
can be a laudable goal.
We have a closing tradition on this
podcast where the last guest leaves a
question for the next guest. No idea who
they're leaving it for. The question is,
"What's the one thing the universe keeps
putting in front of you?"
And what is the thing
that it keeps you learning?
Um so, right now in my life, the thing
that the universe keeps putting in front
of me is the importance of
letting my kids go and have their own
life experience
um rather than
trying to cling to the relationships
that we had before
as they were growing up, which for me
was a really joyful time, but I'm
recognizing that they need to be in the
world on their own and I need to figure
out what I'm going to do
um as an empty nester. So, that's not
that deep, but that is what I'm
struggling with right now.
And how's that struggle manifesting?
Well,
I mean, if I'm being totally honest, um
social media and digital media and those
modes of communication
have probably made this worse for me
because, for example, uh the Find My
iPhone, I keep checking where my kids
are and thinking that in a way
um we're connected because I know where
they are, but we're not. And also, they
don't particularly like it that I'm
checking where they are. So, there's
this kind of weird phenomenon of
wanting connection
and through text and other technology
trying to recreate that connection. And
yet, in some ways, I think I might be
better off and they might be better off
if we didn't actually text and I didn't
actually track where they are.
Does that make sense? It does. And I I
was I think I was laughing cuz I just
had this picture of you sat there with
like
one screen is tracking them and the
other one is like watching the pimples
being popped.
>> Yes.
Those are comparable, right? These These
are both sort of related to sort of
habits or behaviors that are
self-soothing, but ultimately not not
good for me and, you know, not good for
other people. Do you think much about
how other behaviors that we take part in
like sleep um
and meditation
um and our nutrition have a big impact
on our ability to kick the bad habit to
start a new one? Oh, absolutely. Um
there's a great acronym from Alcoholics
Anonymous called HALT: hungry, angry,
lonely, tired. You know, when we're
feeling those things, uh we're more
likely to crave our drug of choice. Um
so, importantly, we've really got to
make sure we take care of ourselves
physically and emotionally so that we're
as well as we can be so that we don't um
get into that state of wanting to escape
or self-soothe or numb ourselves. And by
the way, that's true in the work that we
do as mental health care providers,
right? We have to really come to
patients or clients with our needs met,
um our cup full so that we can be fully
present for for our patients.
Dr. Anna Lembke,
thank you so much for
coming back on the show. It was
incredible the conversation we had last
time and it was so unbelievably well
received um
it's done probably closer to 10 million
views across all platforms now. Um five
just over 5 million views on YouTube
alone and I can't begin to imagine all
the the people that you've had a
profound impact on by making these
complicated things accessible. And I
know we we simplify this to a point that
it might be quite
difficult for for because I know the
science is much more complicated, but
just having a simple mental model for me
is has helped me so much since we last
spoke understand what's going on inside
my body and inside my brain
in a simplified way and that's exactly
what was reflected by the millions of
people that watched last time. Your book
is the the book to read and your
workbook as well is a critical critical
to read alongside it um on this subject
if people want to learn more and get a
an even deeper understanding of
everything we've talked about today. And
also, if they're struggling with
addictions because
these book books provide a really
I'd say nuanced um empathetic and
shame avoiding
set of ideas and solutions to some of
the things that
hold us hostage in our lives, whether
it's opioids or technology or other
behaviors that we know at some level are
getting in the way of what we'd rather
be doing and who we'd rather become. So,
thank you so much for your work. It's
such an important work and I know you're
working on another book, which we didn't
talk about this time, but when that book
does come out, I'd love to have you back
on to talk about all the things in that
cuz I am little birdie told me the
subject matter and it's absolutely
fascinating, so I'm so excited. Thank
you so much.
>> [music]
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