Doing THIS Will Instantly Bond You To The Right Man

So today we're going to talk about what it feels like to be in love and what it takes to bond with a person and all that good stuff. Are you excited about this conversation? >> I am. >> So I want to start by sharing something and this is for everybody, but I'm also saying it to you, but you already know this folks. I am ridiculously in love. [laughter] Now I say ridiculously, I just simply mean it. Joyfully in love, excited to be in love. I and and when I say in love, I mean I'm all in this experience. But more importantly, what I'm feeling in our relationship is something I've never felt before. >> Yeah. >> And and I feel accepted. I feel appreciated. I feel acknowledged. I feel respected. I mean, I could go on. I I feel joy. And And I'm sharing this with you because honestly, I haven't felt this. I really haven't. And I think you've said the same thing. I know you've said the same thing. >> Yeah, I have. And and we just celebrated our oney year anniversary, by the way, guys. >> Um and I absolutely feel the same way. And I think it's interesting. We're getting a lot of comments and whatnot in the threads. Um that have been complimentary. >> Oh, we've had so many great compliment. >> Much of it. Most of it complimentary. And then some people sort of assume that they know us. >> Yeah. Yeah. you know, and it's and it's really interesting to see the take um of how it's presented basically, you know, as if like they're behind our closed wall. >> Yeah. >> And I think what's important, I mean, and I'm going to share with the audience that I absolutely feel the same way. >> Yeah. Um, and I h the [gasps] I I equate this to I didn't know what I what I would feel until I felt it. >> Yes. >> And it doesn't uh it doesn't take away from my previous relationships or certain love or care I've had for those other people, >> but it feels very different inside. >> Yeah. And um and and for that I want I just I want your audience to know what I feel you are at you know as a person >> um and what you mean in my heart you know so it's I mean I you talk a lot about it and you're online and you're posting about but nobody really hears a lot for me per se and that's you know partly by design >> and um you know I I I just want to say that you are the sweetest and most kindest heart I've ever had be part of mine. >> A well, I appreciate that. >> Yeah. So, um, so >> I just wanted to kind of give a little dig into the into the members of the audience there [laughter] that were kind of >> well, a few people have said some things that have hurt my feelings as a reflection of, you know, sometimes I miscommunicate something and I might mean something like what what I'm thinking and what I'm meaning isn't necessarily what comes out of my mouth, you know, and a couple times, you know, I've referred to our initial meeting as being maybe flat or neutral and I said that there wasn't attraction. It was really a characterization that it wasn't there yet. I wasn't experiencing lust or lirance or dopamine or insecure attachment. And because I didn't experience that, I said it was kind of flat between us. But that didn't take away to the fact that attraction has kept growing. And I'm still like literally right before we started this video, I'm like, "Oh my god, you're so damn cute. You're so damn beautiful. Yeah. And so some people have taken some people have taken that out of context and criticize me and and I see the look in your face when I share that. >> Yeah. Well, it hurts me because it hurts you. >> Yeah. >> And um and and I think that, you know, some people get behind a keyboard and they don't realize that there's human beings on the other side, you know, just living their lives and saying things and, you know, >> Oh, I think they're doing it to intentionally hurt you. I mean they I think they know exactly what they're doing. And look at I could listen I I mean look at my attitude is when someone does that I'm always saying to myself who hurt you kind of thing [laughter] like what what you know what did your parents do to you know who hurt you? Um because I know it's a projection but my point is and we're bringing this up and when I'm talking about love folks I I really don't know how to describe what this feels like. And you said this a moment ago. I I had this idea of what I thought love would be like before I met you. Yes. And it was really kind of a fantasy. You know, I was in love with the show Heartto-Heart. You know, people have heard me talk about that. And I thought what I saw on screen, >> but but to actually experience it, it's so different. And so in our conversation today, I want to talk about how we bonded with each other >> and what was maybe a little bit different or what was unique or what happened to get us to where we're feeling this. And folks, and I mean this with all sincerity, I wish everyone could feel the high, you know, the serotonin high of of what it feels like to be with someone who accepts you for who you are, who appreciates for who you are, who admires who you are, who did I say accepts? >> Yes. >> Oh, I did say accept. who is affectionate, you know, with you and respects you and cherishes you and and actually is genuinely interested in what you have to say. And by the way, I I think I'm saying everything you'd say the same. Absolutely. Right. I'm not trying to put words in your mouth. >> Don't put words in my mouth. >> Okay. Well, it's absolutely >> That's the other thing is Yeah. People say I'm putting words in your mouth. I'm like, no, I'm just reciting what we share. So what I think bonds um you know this conversation is about what bonds you think what women experience might be a little different than men. >> Yes. >> And so let's start from the woman. Wait where you >> Well, I was going to say because we started this conversation earlier and we were talking about what is courtship? >> Yeah. What is courtship and where like you know where we were in the very beginning and how we experienced love >> you know through friendship but how we experienced love over a fairly short period of time. >> Yes. >> Where the chemistry >> didn't come instantaneously but it grew into like a volcanic eruption. [laughter] >> And >> I think we have tons of chemistry with each other. >> We do. So, so, but we were talking about earlier and and you took a little offense to this, you know. I said, "Well, did we actually have a a courtship?" And I said, "Well, I'm not sure we had a courtship because you expressed your intention." >> Yeah. >> Pretty early on. And we were having this conversation about what instantly bonded us. >> Yeah. And you, you know, you we talked a little bit bit about the dating vows and that type of stuff, >> but you said to me, I would like to um I would like to explore >> Yeah. >> a relationship with you or or at least see where this goes over the next three to six months. And I said, "Yes, I'd be open to that exploration." And I think >> Can I clarify something? I didn't say 3 to six months. I said, "I want to explore a relationship with I want us to explore a relationship together." >> Yeah. >> Um and then within 3 to 6 months, make this even more serious kind of thing. I just >> And and and we've we've bounced on these words a little bit too because because my take on this is >> I think that it's equally important in the courtship piece that uh you know, we all want to be chosen. >> Yeah. And particularly women, you know, have wait. No, the traditional the traditional Moore, the traditional Moore is, >> you know, going back to Victorian times and whatnot >> says that the woman should be courted. The woman gets, you know, taken out. They they get they they get romanced. They have dinners out. They go to events. >> The man has to climb to the highest room of the tallest tower. There we go with that saying and and that's what we've been accustomed to knowing as courtship. >> Yeah. >> I think one of the things that happened between you and us was that I said to you >> Yeah. >> I choose you back. >> Yes. >> That I'm open to the exploration to see where this goes. I didn't really put a time on it. I still said I'm open to an exploration to seeing if this is something I would commit to yes over time. >> And it wasn't a uh I want to be committed to a relationship with you [clears throat] per se. It was I'm open to exploring what will happen in this. >> Yeah. But part of that in that exploration is also kind of an I mean in our case it wasn't implied. It go look I'm not really interested in being in the dating apps anymore. I don't want the distraction of talking to other people. I'm not interested in meeting other people. While I'm not saying that was exclusivity, but in a sense when I said let's explore the relationship um particularly when we >> the committed relationship >> the committed relationship is that there was this intent to not be seeking to meet others and also since we began being physically intimate I'm like look I'm also going to be monogamous in this experience. What what's interesting about courtship is there's this grand expectations that Paula talked about, but I think what really solid courtship from a man's from a woman's point of view is a man who is intentional. Yes. >> He's like, I'm being intentional and not by taking you out to dinners and performing and that sort of thing. That's that's a lot of smoke and mirrors because a lot of really >> That's the house. >> No. Yeah, that's the how. But >> but not necessarily or and the whats, but it's not necessarily the wise. >> Yes. Because their motivation could be to be physically intimate with you, use you, and then move on, you know, and I don't mean that in a totally crass way, use you. Yeah. Um, you know, coming back to the chosen piece, you know, I've observed so many men in midlife that also want to be chosen. They want to hear, you know, the words, you like, I like you. Yeah. You know, I I think what bonded me to you is when you said early on you said, "I like like you." >> I like like you. >> I like like you. By the way, can you share with everyone a little bit more about what I like like you is? >> Oh, so I think we were maybe five days into conversations mostly on the phone and we had already had a coffee date. >> Yeah. Um, and that was several hours. And, uh, you know, in our first few days of conversational, you know, phone talking, we we had a lot in common, but we all we were very curious about where each other were and what stage and past relationships and, you know, people we knew sort of on the sidelines and whatnot. And you know, at one point I had written a journal entry that, you know, I said, "Man, this like I'm feeling probably the most seen and witnessed by anybody I ever have in in my life." And I and I just I really like like this person. [laughter] So So, you know, and and I and I say I like like you, you know, in the way that it's like, "God, I really freaking like you." Like, you know, I'd hang out with you. Well, and for the record, folks, when we were talking to each other, and we spent something like 50 hours of talking between the first meeting and the second time we met each other, what's interesting is when we communicate with one another, and we did a video about discourse uh a couple weeks ago. Um, but what happens is when when Paul and I talk with each other, I want someone put that in air I'm going to put that in air quotes with each other instead of at each other. We're always curious to drill down >> like yeah what's the what okay what did that like not so much what did that mean >> past experience we thought that was important >> important to you drilling down and we're both we both have a sales background so we learn this is effective sales tools is what's known as drilling down but not from some manipulative way it's it's because we're both curious okay what did you mean by that how did that relate to you. What did that feel like for you? We would do this with each other and through that inquiry, >> man, we were bonding with each other. >> We were, >> you know, and >> and at one point it went from I like like you to I really freaking love you. >> Yeah. So, >> in a way that you say to like a really good friend, you know, >> and so whether you're a man or woman, you know, we can talk I talked about intention, we've talked about appreciation and feeling like, but I think what bonds humans together is the genuine inquiry of each other. Yeah. >> Like when you can actually be curious about the other person. Now, some people, listen, I know some of you might be watching this. Mostly women might be going, "God, I know men who don't like it when I drill down and ask questions." But I'm gonna tell you something. They might resist it, but deep down, every human wants to be seen. They want to be acknowledged. They want to have significance. In fact, even Tony Robbins talks about one of the most, you know, top six human needs is the need for significance. >> Yeah. And so that inquiry when you when you can show that that person is significant to you. I don't think I don't think this happens enough in dating. Oh, before you say, oh god, I don't want to interrupt where you're going, [laughter] but I got to bring up the fact we talked about um Oh, shoot. Now I lost it. Okay, go ahead and say what you're going to say. Um, where I was just going to go is I think that we ha, you know, particularly in the early days of dating that we ha that we have to learn how to straddle the I don't really know this person. I want to get to know them. And the, you know, and not being attached to an outcome. >> Oh, you took it exactly where I was going to go. [laughter] >> No. so elaborate because we were talking about this on the patio this morning >> to not to to you have to straddle between you know it's it's a you know it's it's a tight rope right like you're having this conversation with this kind of stranger. >> Yeah. >> But you like them you know there sort and and you're curious about them but you know the question becomes how how at what point do you say I want to explore? Yeah. >> More with you. I want to exp >> and without it being about lust and lirance and being physically intimate like I want to actually get to know you as a person instead of chasing you know your body part type of thing. >> And I think it really is simply that I think it is in the exploration of another human being that that human being is going that it's either going to work out or it's not. So, can we [clears throat] talk about the debate we had earlier this morning centered around I tend to be more intentional by even creating an agreement before a meeting >> to view this as a from a serious intent. In other words, I'm not just looking to have fun. >> Yes. >> And um how did you frame it this morning? >> That it felt like a contract. >> Yes. And and the line was between >> and that's what [clears throat] I mean about straddling. >> Okay. I Okay, but let me finish this thought real quick. We were debating whether or not like my I'm intentional, which you think is a little bristly. And you're like, "Oh, I'm just cavalier and let's just see where it goes." >> No. And that was not it. >> Well, that's the way I interpreted it. >> Okay, folks. Here we go. [laughter] >> Okay. >> All right. No, I I I agree with you to a certain extent. I think intention um of the of the notion that I would like to explore something further with you is important. It's basically saying I choose you. Even if it's for a minute, I choose you. Where I had an a issue was in the verbiage of how it can be said >> which I said was hey can we just be two people meeting as friends without any expectations which I also said gender expectations because there are traditional gender expectations. We just did a video about paying for dates and look at how the expectations are. But simply to say, hey, can we just be two people seeing if we actually like each other? Okay. >> Can that be the reason why we're meeting? >> Stop. Okay. >> For just a second. Okay. >> Okay. So, [laughter] >> it the can we anything is >> um uh it is insinuating it's insinuating a contract. It's insinuating an agreement. Can we agree? You actually said those words. Can we agree that when we meet we do this? And I would venture to say that that would make some people bristle because it's almost it's a you know >> it's a bit of a directive but more than anything it's it's saying can we just do this and you basically you know should agree to that and what I'm saying is that is okay now I'm sorry I got to get this out. What I'm saying is I think that what's important is that we both can say and this is where the instant bonding piece, you know, can come from is that our our traditional moors say that courtship is that the man chooses the woman and the and and that's where the exploration, you know, falls flat. He pays for dinners, he romances the stone, etc., etc. But but what we're really saying is by dropping the traditional moors, by dropping the gender norms, etc., etc., that what we're really saying [clears throat] is that we both want to choose each other. >> Yeah. >> Now, we don't know whether that other person is the right person for us, but we can say in the moment, I'm open to the expiration >> of this. So, >> whatever this is, maybe a couple more dates. I'm open to the expiration. I get that and and I'm not I just want to simply say this. You say traditional moors. You know, at one time everybody thought the earth was flat. Okay. Yeah. And I'm suggesting something that goes against their traditional norms or moors as you put it. And my point is is I'm simply wanting to maybe recommend a a bit more intentionality. >> Absolutely. and particularly by taking the expectations off the table and simply say, "Hey, can we just be two people meeting to see if we like each other without the pressure of the performative norms out there?" And are you interested in just that no harm, no foul, if there's no, you know, love connection. We don't post it on social media for some ragebait conversation. And I know you would never do that, >> but okay, I want to put a bow on this conversation. >> What I believe, what strongly, I'll use the word strongly instead of instantly, bonds us when you're with someone who is in the inquiry of you. Because through the inquiry, through the curiosity, through those wanting to know more about a person, the person feels significant. As I said before, one of Tony Robbins top six human needs is significance. And when we operate by actually treating that other person as being um significant, you actually that person feels closer to you. That doesn't it isn't a guaranteed bond for life or anything like that. But I want to set that mindset. Just start being if you're not doing it already, which many of you are, start operating on those first date from a place of curiosity. Yeah. Collecting more data as you always say and and from that you might find that you might connect the way we connected because we connected through absolute curiosity with one another. We did. >> And so that's my recommendation for everyone. Hey, I'd like to hear what you thought about this or we would like to hear what you thought about this. Post a comment below. We do our best to read them all in the first 24 hours. As always, you find value in these videos, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to the channel. Hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if you want to connect with us, either one of us, hey, there's a link below. Schedule a discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you.