Video summary
Brett Cooper emphasizes that men seeking to attract and find a good woman must prioritize self-improvement across multiple dimensions, including career success, intellectual growth, physical fitness, and mindset shifts regarding how they view the world. He argues that while women may initially perceive gym habits or supplement use as superficial, these actions signal deeper readiness to protect a partner and their future children, demonstrating a willingness to go above and beyond for her health. Cooper stresses the importance of being assertive and taking initiative, noting that understanding the nuances of female interest is crucial in navigating the often confusing landscape of modern dating where emotional signals can be subtle. To overcome approach anxiety caused by remote work trends reducing low-stakes interactions with women, Cooper advocates for engaging in activities like talking to baristas or joining group fitness classes such as pickleball and tennis leagues. He shares a personal anecdote about visiting a farmers market in Nashville where he found an all-male pickleball game that felt exclusionary compared to the inclusive atmosphere of gay spaces, leading him to prefer boxing gyms or other social sports environments instead. Despite his dislike for pickleball due to its demographic skew and his preference for tennis from childhood, Cooper acknowledges that showing up at locations with women present is essential practice; he humorously notes that men often fantasize about being noticed while others are shirtless in short shorts, but the real goal is consistent presence rather than just visual appeal. The transcript highlights how run clubs have evolved into de facto dating organizations where participants wear matching brand-new sneakers and cut-off shorts to socialize after running together. Cooper points out that repeatedly attending these events with the same group over six weeks allows men to build relationships gradually through banter and conversation, effectively stalking potential partners in a low-pressure environment without immediate outcomes attached. This method contrasts sharply with digital dating experiences from his generation, where college interactions were limited to online platforms like Zoom breakout rooms for accounting classes or private messages, warping social skills by removing the necessity of face-to-face connection building before asking someone out. Cooper concludes that laying this groundwork significantly increases a man's "batting average" in romance compared to simply approaching strangers with no prior context established. By ensuring mutual interest exists through repeated exposure and casual interaction, the fear of rejection diminishes because one can more accurately gauge whether there is genuine connection before making a formal move. He acknowledges that his generation has struggled with these skills due to an over-reliance on digital communication, but insists that returning to in-person environments like run clubs or sports leagues provides the revolutionary opportunity needed to rebuild authentic social dynamics and successfully navigate the complexities of modern dating.
Read the full video transcript
what advice would you give to guys who
want to attract and find a good
woman work on yourself for sure be
constantly
improving um both in terms of your
career your intelligence and the way
that you think about the world your the
physical shape that you're in that says
so much to women and I know that a lot
of women kind of look at that in a
superficial way but I look at that as
like you are truly prepared to protect
um you're willing to go to bat for me
for our future children you care about
my health more than I care about my
health that was a huge thing that I had
to get over he was like you are going to
go to the gym you are going to take
these supplements
um a leader um being able to be
assertive and take initiative is huge I
also think and this is the complicated
one that I've talking about on the show
is understanding the nuances in dating
women are very confusing which is it
sucks but we are and there's like very
little like emotional things that we
do but being able to understand if a
woman is actually interested and knowing
how to carry on a conversation before
you even ask her out that's key to just
getting in the door of being able to
create a connection over something
that's not dating and over your interest
in her whether it's you know physical or
you just think she's an interesting
person just seeing if that connection is
even there and kind of playing that
dating game that back and forth that
sets you up for
success in more ways than than one like
that is I I feel like has a much higher
batting average than just you know going
up and saying you know can I have your
number and hoping that it works out but
laying that groundwork just so that you
know if she's actually interested um I
think that also makes the fear of
rejection a little easier because you
actually will know hopefully if she's
interested in what resp somehow exactly
well I think a lot of a lot of the time
about
um the advantage of being around women
and one of problems of remote work being
that people are interacting less so low
stakes interaction with women is a
really great way for guys to overcome
their approach anxiety because if you're
not looking for any
outcome what can you lose at it's the
Barista she is literally paid to give
you your coffee so if you can say one
extra sentence and it sounds so stupid
it's the same problem as if you need to
go to the gym just do 10 push-ups a day
because it starts so small that people
think well what's the [ __ ] point like
look I I'm not I'm not Andre Tate with a
Bugatti um like what's what's the point
in me trying to do this so but that is
literally the only way that you can get
there and you have to take that step you
have to show up at a location in person
where there will be women whether it is
your you know whether it is a group
workout class pickle bable there you go
I have a problem with pickle ball though
what come on okay here we go first
disagreement I I did an episode about
this I got reamed in the comments yeah
well rightly so yeah well the problem
that I had and that it sparked this
episode is I went to a farmers market in
Nashville there was a tennis court next
door to the farmers market it was all
men playing pickle ball I'm sorry it was
the gayest thing I've ever seen and not
and it was because it was all it was oh
my gosh I was like play tennis anyway
but I also think that was just the
demographic in that part of Nashville
and I looked at that and I was like you
go like to a boxing gym something anyway
short denim shorts cut offs yeah the
shortest shorts imaginable fantastic
like they I well they like they went to
lul and got the 5 in than hadam Taylor
this is this is liberating for men this
is what we want to do this is what you
want you want the this is what we want
to do yeah well if you want that's great
you know those things like I wonder
wonder if he's thinking about me and
then it cuts what the guy's actually
doing and it's him high-fiving with his
homies with his top off in three and
shorts this is what guys want to do stop
[ __ ] oppressing us I'm so sorry the
patriarchy is coming back around through
pickle ball I'm so glad thank you I'll
shut down the matriarchy well no and I
learned my lesson from that I still
don't I don't really enjoy pickle ball I
play tennis growing up and so I that
also probably feeds into my feeling
about it but
still going to some like playing fickle
ball with people showing up to those
leagues joining in Nashville at
Centennial Park they always do soccer
and softball and volleyball during the
summer you can just join these wck
leagues go do that have you seen this uh
ascendency of uh like 5K runs run clubs
yes yeah I think that's I think run
clubs are basically a they're a dating
organization masquerading as a fitness
Pursuit yeah I could see that that's
what it is because no one go goes to the
Run club for the running bit I've seen
these things people walk half of them
but everybody's got their brand new sany
or New
Balance exactly yeah and Tiny pair of
shorts and they get to run along and
sweaty and see if the other oh like he's
that guy from last week again yeah so
again and that's okay what you just said
that guy from last week that is also key
repeatedly going to the same place with
the same group of people and again
laying that groundwork yes exactly I
need you to stalk no um but the low
stakes
environment where you are having
to grow a relationship over say six
weeks of like you're going to this run
Club every single week you meet a girl
oh you banter whatever you run along
talk to somebody else the next week
she's there pick up the conversation
just being able to it's wild that this
is revolutionary I know yeah I know
again but that goes back to my point
of my My Generation just has not had to
do that yeah and it's all been so
digital and then mixed in with our you
know our social skills just have been
totally warped by the digital age and Co
didn't help at all and I mean the
majority of my college experience was
online so when people talk about oh you
learn to date in college people who
graduated around my year in 21 nope
learn to date online
yeah yes in your Zoom class like oh this
guy's kind of cute let me do like my
like private Zoom message yes I like oh
yeah the guy in my zoom you know
breakout in my business class when we're
working on our accounting whatever like
that's those were the options in other
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