Daniel Sloss is Addicted to Weed & Hates Himself | FULL EPISODE

My guest today is British, which we have to do a couple times a year legally. Cuz this whole podcast is Jimmy Carr's idea. Truly. >> Why? Cuz you could make money from it. [laughter] >> Jimmy, he's an avid listener. >> He [ __ ] lo and he loves money. >> How rich are you? >> How rich am I? Uh, well, let me put it in terms you'll understand, sir. I've um I've got a hundred money. >> I love Jimmy Cart. >> We all do. But Jimmy loves money like I love my kids. >> He He sure does. Which which you're exaggerating how much you love your kids. Um uh it's he he's a [ __ ] killer. He tours everywhere all the time. He's doing the O2 or the Wembley. >> Yeah. >> Uh one of them. >> One of them. >> One of the worst looking arenas you've ever seen. >> Yes. >> Truly looks like it's under construction. Some European arenas have literally spires sticking out of them for no one knows why. >> I think it's to keep the ceiling up. >> Well, there's probably better ways. Um, >> the will of God >> or I don't know. Can like Girder. It's Daniel Sloth. >> Please clap. >> He's got a lot of great specials. Few on HBO and if two on Netflix, one of them which is called Jigsaw, which we'll talk about. And he's got real blocks which I'm very excited about. The the number one special I want to talk about, it's not your turn yet, is Jigsaw, which just explain the premise quickly. I was in a toxic relationship with a horrible person who's unfortunately still with us. Um, and getting out of that relationship was such a relief for me. But my entire life, I was sort of told that relationships are about compromise and you change and you it's better to be in a relationship than it is to be alone. And I found the opposite to be true. So it was essentially a love letter to single people and then it turned into like the ring for toxic relationships. Uh when people started watching the show on tour, I would get lots of messages afterwards that they just dumped their partner and then when it was released on Netflix, I was getting lots of messages about camp. >> And according to your website, it's up to 250,000. >> 350. We saw Yeah. Like I've I've >> 350,000 breakups meant that he know that they they contacted you, right? >> I have autographed over 150 divorce papers. Like people will bring their divorce papers to my show. That's very fun. >> And there's divorce papers that like sometimes I am cited in as one of the causes of divorce. >> And he's only it's only he's only cheated three times. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But not with my wife. >> Yeah. [laughter] Um, and I'm I feel bad for the se the number two through 150 people who brought divorce papers thinking this is the greatest of all time and you're like, >> "Yeah, >> one of the weird ones I was in leads and I done a show and afterwards there's I'm going to say like a 19-year-old girl tapped on my car window just as I was uh pulling away and she had divorce papers for me to sign and I was like, you know, uh the number one thing I ask is like, are you better for it?" And the answer is always yes. I'm like, "Is this a happy divorce paper?" She's like, "It's very, very happy." And I'm like, "Excuse me for asking, but you seem like a bit young. Did you like get married at 16?" And she was like, "No, this is my parents divorce papers." Uh, me and my brother made them watch the special last year over Christmas because we felt that they were staying together for us and it was just making it more of a toxic relationship in a situation. So we made them watch the special on Boxing Day and by New Year they had filed for divorce and then her dad like came out from like, [laughter] "Dad, come on out." >> Yeah. And I asked I was like, "Are you better for it?" He was like, "Best decision I've made in my life." >> Okay. >> In front of his daughter is wild. >> Say again. >> In front of his daughter. >> I mean, it's it's not the kids always know. It's not like they're like doing them any [ __ ] favors. Like your kids know if you're >> My parents stay together. They should not have. >> Yeah. >> Are they still together? >> No, they got divor Well, eventually they got divorced like two years after I moved out, >> right? >> They wanted to just make sure >> that I had a horrible [laughter] >> base >> from which to build relationships. >> So, you have your own toxic support network. Now, we're happy to take away a second toxic support. >> Uh, but now you're married and or you have a child. How did So, how did that happen? >> My wife is my ex-girlfriend's younger sister. Any questions? [laughter] Not. Is it the one from No, not No, no. I didn't get food poisoning at a restaurant and then go back to the same restaurant 2 weeks later being like, I heard you do ve [laughter] did you How did that happen? So, I dated my ex-girlfriend when we were 21 years old uh for about 3 months. We liked each other. We had a probably the healthiest breakup I've ever had in my entire life. Like just two people who liked each other but really realized that we weren't going to fall in love. >> Yeah. So when we broke up, >> which by the way, you know, within 20 minutes. >> Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, after you come, [laughter] >> you believe that you come and you go, do I want to stay here? And if you do, you love them. >> I think that's a big part. Being able to look, wanting to [ __ ] someone is such an easy feeling to feel. >> Wanting to be with someone when you're at like your most vulnerable and your most pathetic when you know your [ __ ] is limp and it's covered in your own [ __ ] to want to be with that person is a very special feeling. Uh, and I'm >> incredibly romantic. I mean, in in its way, it actually is. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, look, my my wife has seen me at my uh at my worst and at my best and somehow loved me equally during both. >> How do you make the transition? I would assume she had to suggest the sister had to go like, "You should date my sister." >> No. No. I I so my wife 5 years after me and my ex break up. We're still in contact occasionally just checking in on each other because we're good friends and because she's a nice kind human being um and we care about each other. >> And then I'm doing a show during the French festival and for the first time in my career there's a smoke show in the front row. My fans are lovely people, very ugly. Um, and for the first time there's like a genuinely hot 10 out of 10 woman in the front row and I recognize her as my ex's younger sister and I bring it up and she acknowledges that she is the reason she's in the front row is because her friends bought tickets and they were late so it was the only seats [ __ ] left. After the show I like come say hi be good to I fancied her [ __ ] straight away. Like I >> did you meet her when you were with her sister? >> Yes. But she was Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But like she was uh >> 14. >> No, [laughter] that's a tough one. >> She's two years younger than my ex. So I'm not I'm not a monster. I I date my ex when we were 21. So she was 19 and she was and she was in a relationship with a with a guy. So it was it was never Look, she's always been very beautiful, but it I I never paid attention to her in that sort of way. >> And then like five years later, I want to say she had a I will say she had a glow up. She'll hate this, but she acknowledges it. My wife is workingass. She's from the north of Scotland. And do you know do you know what a Ned or a Chave is? >> No, but I can figure it out. >> It's Yeah, it's working class. Yeah, she was a piece of [ __ ] She was like my my my wife was underage drinking at the age of [ __ ] 13. Like she was a [ __ ] riot, which is why she's fine. >> Because she's a real person. I I made sure that I got with somebody that was not related to this job at all. >> Yeah. So, she has this, you know, this this glow up. Um, and we hang out for a bit, but she's just so easy. The My father-in-law often points out his both of his daughters are very different people, right? My ex-girlfriend is very [gasps] ADHD, things have to be done in a certain way, driven, like if things aren't right, they're wrong. Hates it. Cara is the most laidback person that has ever. She is unburdened by an inner monologue when I talk to her about my therapy and about how much I [ __ ] hate myself and how vicious my inner monologue is and like all of these doubts and things all the time. >> When I try to relate to my wife, it's the one thing she she has empathy for her, >> but she can't relate. >> Quiet brain. Like when she's not thinking about something, there's nothing going on. >> Yeah. >> And and I didn't know people like that existed. >> Yeah. Is it the one where she has no winner monologue? Cuz there is that. No, she does. >> It's just like not negative. >> No, it's an inner monologue that goes, "That's a nice tree." >> Yeah. >> "Oh, look, there's a dog." >> Yeah. >> "Oh, I'm hungry." >> And it's it's it's it's period. >> Yeah. >> Pause. >> Yeah. And then if there's nothing to say, her bra maybe it's changed now that I think now that she's a mother, she gets >> sure >> parental anxiety. Yeah. But her inner monologue is never telling her that she's not >> good and she Why'd she bomb last night? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just it's clear and I tried to relate to it. I one of my you know breakthrough therapy sessions where I came back and I sort of worked out that I had anxiety and a sort of deep self-loathing. And I sort of [bell] said it to her. I'll never forget. She just said, "That sounds really hard. I guess I just have a quiet brain. And I was just so envious. >> Yeah. >> Just to be like, what? What do you mean? >> So when you get into bed and you lie down, >> it's just straight to sleep for you. There's no murder fantasies. There's no self-loathing. There's no you doing your own personal [ __ ] genocide in your head. It's just it's just clear. >> Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I worry if I've not put the washing on and I'm like, "What a life. What a life." Um, and uh, so how do you, so you meet her at Edinburgh and then how do you, so then you like >> I aggressively pursue her because and and I will admit this at the time I'm like, wouldn't it be [ __ ] funny? Wouldn't it be a great story to bang my ex's younger sister? Wouldn't that make me the coolest, greatest, funniest man in the entire hall of fame? Yeah, absolutely. Also, like after we banged, we were rightfully reprimanded by her best friends, my best friends, being like, "You're both pieces of [ __ ] You're both clearly doing this for attention. This is disgusting, and you're you both should be better than this." Which obviously, >> and you were on an Instagram live like, "What? >> Yeah, what are you talking? It's not us. It's [laughter] not us. >> I don't think you see me." Um, and then because we knew there was no future to our relationship, because we knew there was no way that we would ever let it all hang out and be honest. >> And it was the single greatest and purest relationship of I mean during this time during this year where we're keeping it [ __ ] secret, we're banging in other people because we're just the [ __ ] buddies. We're just like, "Hey, we just two people who have sex." And you don't tell the sister. She finds out. Okay. How'd that go? >> Not well. Uh but she, you know, she found out and she arrived at some very incorrect conclusions. Conclusions that she now will admit that she was wrong about that she'll have reacted to that >> it was intentional. That kind of thing. You're doing it to hurt me. >> Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then also like she was in a she was in a relationship herself and because like because we ended in such a healthy way like she really uh sort of took it more out on my wife than I think since I was the one that pursued it more. >> Yeah. >> And you are irresistible. >> What can I say? >> So like at the start there was a reaction to it which made us sort of hide it in secret. And then during that secret sort of year where we were very honest with each other and fell in love by the time that we were then [ __ ] public about it and we and you know we're married and have kids. We proved that it wasn't a phase. It proved it wasn't this. My ex-girlfriend is a wonderful sister-in-law. She is the greatest aunt to both of our children. Uh you know there's people are always expecting lots of drama and bitterness. And I guess that comes from people who aren't really good at communication. Um I think >> it's also not that big a deal. >> No, it's like it is on paper, but then you just go >> I don't why not. It's >> since since we broke up, she was in a relationship for 5 years. She was in another relationship uh for 2 years. Uh and but look, she's she's a very healthy educated woman and she's happy for her sister. >> Yeah. And also it's not like also we would not me and her didn't work. >> Yeah. Busy brain and busy brain is not a yin and yang. >> Yeah. >> There's no we we didn't compliment each other verbally obviously we did but in terms of our personalities we got on but it would have been you know it I it would have been friction forever whereas you know now there's no friction with a smooth braid woman. [laughter] Yeah. Um, and it's what a compliment. But you are >> smooth brand. >> Yeah. >> Um, [laughter] well, okay, let's do let's talk about your blocks. So, the first one, I mean, you've already mentioned it, but you hate yourself. >> And I didn't know I hated myself. >> How did you not what did you think you thought? I was successful so young. >> Yeah. Right. >> How young? >> So, started at 17. Didn't have my first bomb until like 50 [ __ ] gigs in. Like, I was good straight away. And because the audience doubted my ability that gave when I was good, it gave all this extra stuff. I was hyped. I did my first bit of television when I was like 18. Then I did 19. Then and Jimmy Carr got me in eight out of 10 Cats when I was [ __ ] 20. >> Tonight on eight out OF 10 [cheering] ON THE BLOCK, Daniel Slo, >> you know, I was the next big thing for 15 [ __ ] years. Uh my shows were received well. I was touring the world. I very quickly realized that, you know, I didn't want a relationship cuz I just wanted to [ __ ] as many people as I physically could. And my entire selfworth was always from the approval of strangers and I had that in abundance. So I never ever ever ever ever had to love myself, right? Because I was only every day I would go out and thousands of people would love me. Why would I ever need to love myself when the public loves me when there's this every [ __ ] day? So, and I, you know, I toured relentlessly for, you know, for the first until I was about until co I was touring 9 to 10 months of every year. I was writing a new show every year because that's the British standard. >> Every show I was doing was seemingly and somehow better than the last. And it was all going on. I didn't believe in anxiety. I thought it was like just a you know I thought it was like a just a thing that sort of people made up for attention. The same with dyslexia and then it's it's not real. Um it's dyslexia and being by just try harder. Um then then there's a show called X where I was talking about rape and sexual assault a lot about what >> rape and sexual assault. >> Great. >> Uh one of my friends was raped by one of my other friends. Uh, and it was a sort of a show about like me sort of coming to terms with the fact that like I had this friend in my life for like seven years who was this predator and like not it wasn't even as if there were no signs. There were signs, but signs that I had sort of chose to ignore over the years and my own culpability during that. And when you talk about rape on stage, it affects 50% of women. It affects 25% of men. When you talk about on stage, you can instantly see instantly any anyone in the audience who's been affected by it. Yeah. By the change in their body language. Y >> and when you bring that up to people who were coming in to see a comedy show, sometimes they're sat beside their parents, their partner, their siblings, their friends who don't know and the way and it was like I would see it every night and I would talk to survivors after. Do you think like did you when you started to do the show were you like this will be interesting >> or was it >> No, it was like >> you just like I don't know that's what I want to talk about. >> It was no it was a show that me and my friend I was like look I want to I want to warn men like I I was blindsided in a way by >> warn men about their fact that their friends may be >> Yeah. I didn't want other men to be blindsided the way I was. And I wanted so I wanted to do a show that was for men to get men on side and sort of be like, "Look, I'm a bloke. I'm a lad. Like, I'm [ __ ] one of the boys." And um I I I enjoy toxic masculinity. I thrive in it sometimes. You can be that and also be a feminist. Ignore third wave, second wave, all this other [ __ ] Don't don't listen to the way Americans have ruined the word feminism the same way they ruined the word socialism. Right. They just they gaslit the world into thinking it meant something else. Feminism. >> We I think we ruin gaslet as well. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Feminism is just do you want the women in your life >> basic human rights. >> Yeah. Basic human rights. That's it. Ignore any of the other [ __ ] Do you want the women in your life to be equal and safe? Then congratulations. You're a feminist. Yeah. Right. You are. And I what I wanted to do was sort of make that understand which is I stay sexist misogynistic stuff that the time I say >> you've said bang women like five times already. It's you like you can you can be both this idea this idea that the left goes oh no >> yeah if you it's no no you absolutely so I wanted to do a show for that but I also wanted to do a show that was >> for survivors like I wanted to do a show where I'm talking about rape and sexual assault and I wanted to do a show that like people who have gone through that [snorts] felt not attacked and felt empowered and felt like I was rep that I was doing rape folks that survivors would laugh at. Like that's that's what I wanted to be. I didn't want it. >> And thanks to the help of uh my friend, thanks to lots of survivors who spoke to me after the show and you know, corrected me along the way and gave me really good and honest feedback and you know, we sort of got to uh that point. Um I hated the show because like I had to do it in such a specific way. But like there was there was one route through the minefield and I knew how to get there. So I stopped being a comedian. I was a performer. I was an actor. I was doing the same show every night. There was no genuiness. And so through a lot of that to like keep myself I guess like entertained on my to toes. I would drink a 3/4 of a bottle of whiskey on stage at night. I would smoke weeds while I was announcing myself onto stage just because like it was the only way for me to feel present was to be so scared of how [ __ ] up I was that I was like, "Oh, if I get this wrong and people notice how [ __ ] up I am, then there'll be consequences and like I have to be super >> um present." And then also, you know, reliving my own failures every night >> within the show >> and with, you know, >> like the narrative of the show is you're failing. >> Yeah. Um, and so by the end of that tour, all I want all I want is like a year off. All I want is to stop being Daniel Slaughter. I just want to be Daniel. >> I just want to live my house and I just want to be [ __ ] Daniel cuz I've not been Daniel since I was, you know, 16. And then COVID happened and I was like, "Oh, not like that." [laughter] >> That's that is that is what I had. This is such a >> You wanted like 500,000 people to die, [laughter] not like millions. >> Oh, yeah. Um and I, you know, I didn't handle going from being the center of attention to being the center of my own attention very well. H my uh weed smoking went through the [ __ ] roof cuz there was nothing else to do. Do you like the way weed makes you feel? >> I convinced myself I did. >> And how would it make you feel? >> It would slow my brain down. >> Got it. >> Like it was I got a very busy brain and I I love weed and I don't want ever want to encourage anyone else from not [ __ ] smoking it. I personally have a problem with it and that's that I cannot stop smoking it. Uh so I I can't have it in >> You can't have it in the house and >> No. No. Cuz if I have it in the house, I'll hide it in seven different rooms so I have constant access to it. And the greatest the greatest thrill of being an addict is getting away with it. When you're when you're high everywhere and nobody notices or do you have a problem? >> Yeah. >> Do you have a problem if nobody knows? If nobody knows >> and it probably plays into like a superiority complex of like you're so [ __ ] smart like sociologically you're on some next level like yeah like you're high at all of these things and no people are sober and like you're still smarter than them. >> Oh, buddy. [laughter] >> Oh, [ __ ] Lower. >> [ __ ] I can only imagine. >> Yeah. So I started going to uh therapy to just sort of because I had a lot of bitterness after that like tour towards my manager because like you know it's all my responsibility but like that tour should have ended 8 months in. It should not have been extended to how long did it last >> 18 months 300 shows 48 countries. Um and like there was part of the tour where I did a show in London. And I got a taxi to an airport uh to get a flight to Tokyo to do one show, to get an overnight flight to Singapore to do one show, to get an overnight flight to Hong Kong to do one show, to get an overnight flight to Sydney to do 14 shows in seven days, to then fly to Iceland. And like I had a lot of resentment towards her cuz look, I said yes to all those gigs, but I'm like your job as my manager is to look at that schedule and go, "This will kill him." And it was killing me. You know, she saw the ride out. >> But you liked I mean I I don't I generally don't buy like you did this to me. >> No. No. >> So you wanted it. You love performing. You love being on top if I stopped. >> Who am I to tell another adult? >> Yeah. Also, if I the the the great fear that we have in this industry and the great fear that all of our agents and [ __ ] Netflix and Hollywood will all capitalize on is the insecurity of strike while the iron's hot. If you stop, this is over and that is not true. >> Yeah, >> that's never true. If you're young and you're new and you're fresh, sure, if you stop, you might lose that momentum. There is absolutely a [ __ ] point in your career where you can stop for a little bit and you can take a huge [ __ ] breath, but anyone who is making money off you is not going to tell you that information. Yeah. They're not going to allow you to [ __ ] take that break. They need you to think that if you stop this is all over. And it's, you know, it's still an insecurity that I've feared because our careers are ups and downs and peaks and troughs. momentum comes and it goes. >> And there's times in your low moments where you remember your high moments where you're like, "Oh my god, maybe I'll never [ __ ] get that back. >> You will when you start working again, >> when you are actually able to apply yourself in a healthy way to do the job that you [ __ ] love, the greatest job in the world." >> Yeah. >> And also like part of the [ __ ] bitterness and anger, I felt so I felt so cliche. all of my dreams to come to two Netflix specials. Changed my career overnight. I'm touring the world. I'm playing [ __ ] Russia. I'm playing [ __ ] India. I'm doing I'm doing everywhere. 3,000 seats everywhere I go in the world. All of my dreams have come true and I'm miserable every night. And I go, "What a [ __ ] >> Are you miserable or you're drunk? Are you miserable because you're doing a script that you don't you're just because the type of show you're doing? What's where's the misery coming from? >> My I don't have any moment to be myself. There's no >> Did you want to be yourself? >> I didn't know who I was. So, but but so I I didn't know. >> Right. I don't I'm I'm still I still think this is all your fault. >> Yeah, of course it is. Okay. >> Yeah. This this is buddy. Absolutely. All of this falls with me. >> This fear of loss of momentum, this loving the stage version of myself so much. >> Taking the revery from the [ __ ] audience and applying that to my own ego and my own narcissism. Having that constant [ __ ] validation me I you know there I I hate I thought I genuinely in my 20s thought I was one of the greatest stand-ups to ever live. >> Mhm. >> That was like really in my [ __ ] head. >> Yeah. >> And it meant so much to me and I believed it and nothing anyone else could have [ __ ] said would have convinced me otherwise. And then and because it was being validated most nights because I'm in an echo chamber. I'm in an echo chamber that unfortunately encapsulates the world. I go to a new territory. I found all the lefty liberals there. They come to a [ __ ] room. They tell me I'm the [ __ ] best. And it doesn't fulfill me. Doesn't you know the joy lasts until like 45 minutes after the show, the second you walk off stage and then during I mean there's no worse down time than travel is just going to you know standing ovation 5,000 people. I'm in the same queue as all the other [ __ ] [ __ ] who have to take their belt off at the airport. >> Yeah. >> And I'm hung over. And >> if you flew private, you wouldn't have that problem. You were really good. Yeah. If I actually was one of the best in the world. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Then I guess it would never stop. Yeah. >> And I I I I never I never realized that it was that I hated myself. I just thought it was that, you know, I don't know. I don't know what I thought it was, but I just thought it was the the >> Well, I think you can I don't The problem with being a comedian is you you do get a lot of most of your material generation is from a distorted inner monologue. >> Yes. Yeah. Yeah. >> So, it's a bit of a quandry because you're like, I know this is broken, but it does spit. It is a bit of a golden goose where you're like, it is spitting out quality material. Yeah. Um, so do I hate myself? Do we all I I don't know how much are we uh an exaggerated version of what most human beings are like or are we like a broken distorted human beings and >> I think >> masquerade as normal or >> Well, I don't know. I guess Tell me one thing you like about yourself. >> Um, funny, smart, decent. >> You believe all those? >> Yeah. [ __ ] Jealous. You don't believe any of it? >> No. I believe people think I'm smart. I believe people think I'm funny. And I believe people think I'm decent. >> I mean, >> and it's because because of the show I'm able to put on. And not >> What have you done? Nine hours so far. >> Uh 13. >> 13. Okay. So, there's probably a good hour in there somewhere. [laughter] >> Just if we pan that thing out. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Like even you can't argue with it. That's what happens is you just at a certain point you just go I'm I I told somebody it's like the voice in my head lost credibility. >> Yeah. >> Where it's like you're lying. You're lying. Like at a certain point you I can't catastrophize. I can't argue with like what's actually happened. >> I just keep looking at the sign that says unlicensed therapy and it's really [laughter] >> uh No, I mean it. No, but it is like what it's it's not true. It's just wrong. It's like literally like a shitty podcast where like [ __ ] Daniel Sloth [ __ ] barely sold it out. Why did it It didn't sell out till 3 days before so and so. >> But then this is also >> Russell Howard. Huh? Uh >> but this is the voice that gave me everything though. >> I agree. So why would I distort you take the parts that what I realize I've I've do so much less ruminating than I used to. How? >> Well, I mean, honestly, through drugs, but through Iawaska, DMT, MDMA, but >> I've done DMT. I'm just scared of all the other ones. >> You don't need to be. If you've done DMT, that's you've done this. >> They wouldn't let me in. [sighs] >> That's a longer conversation. Um, uh, there on DMT there are entities in that wait in the lobby and they either let you in or not. I haven't even gotten there. I've done buffo which is jumps that whole area these notes >> uh buffo uh it's like the super duper >> okay >> um but what I realized like and so now I don't ruminate that much and I'm like what did I used to do with my time >> I wasted [ __ ] decades ruminating >> and you get bits from it but like the amount of you want to talk about signal to noise the amount of [ __ ] noise and then you get like beep a a bit. So anyhow, hope I mean whatever. I wish it for you cuz it's it's significantly better. Guys, you know, I wear clothes every day. Don't you? Am I a clothes horse? I don't know if I'm a clothes horse, but I like I like to look I have like a look that I'm cultiv not I somebody said I dress like a cartoon character because I wear more or less the same thing every day. It's a good disc, but I like I like a button shirt for the most part. 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So you realize you hated yourself. >> Yes. >> And then what do you do with it? You're not You're That's where we are. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I told my wife. >> How long ago was did you come home from therapy and be like, "Sweetie, >> I can't believe this. January of this year. >> This year. >> So I knew that like I knew I hadn't like anxiety and I knew that I through my wife I >> How did you get anxiety from from looking at the on the faces of sexually sexual? >> I don't know. I I I sometimes wonder if I if I always had it and but just like it was a driver like when I was anxious the way to own that anxiety was to go out on stage and was to be good and to be bigger and to be to cover up. And I wonder if like so much of my early confidence was like just a mask for the anxiety >> which is a trick people use for anxiety is like I mean but like the my my girl's a therapist like she's like if you can turn anxiety into you can tell yourself it's excitement. >> Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. So that's what I think I did. And then I sort of realized that like obviously my brain is much busier than other people I know. It's much cruer than other people I know. And then yeah, I mean it was in therapy in January. I said for I think for the not for the first time out loud, but I like I often when I walk past a mirror, well, just look at myself and tell me I hate myself. Like I I'll say out loud, but I hadn't admitted that out loud to anyone until therapy in about January. >> What's your argument against yourself? >> What do you mean? What? What? When you go I hate myself because >> Oh, no. No. There's no uh because of everything. >> Give me some. >> Any good decision I make is calculated. It's not my instinct. The reason I do good things isn't because that's what I want to do. It's because I am able to work out what the right thing to do is. I don't think I'm a morally good human being. I feel like I'm a [ __ ] AI that's worked out how to be good. Part of the therapy is like, what would the people who love you say about you? They would say that I'm generous. Uh, I'm generous because I have immense uh wealth guilt. Um, I am generous because it's a great way of buying friendship. It's a great way of like, you know, um, >> character washing. >> Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yoink. [laughter] >> I mean, I'm a great guy. >> Yeah. Um, you know, the reason I have a career is because I was young and attractive and I got spots before other people deserved them. My confidence sort of hid the lack of talent. I was No, no, I would say I'm talented. So, I'll give myself that. But yeah, just a [ __ ] straight white man who got everything I added to on a [ __ ] plate and is still unhappy with it all. >> The straight white man I don't buy. >> Oh, I am. There's a I don't buy >> I am. [snorts] No, >> but I'm saying like there's a lot of straight white men. You live in England. >> Scotland. >> Scotland. Uh [ __ ] Sorry. This podcast. >> I didn't realize it was Scott. >> The the next time I'm hitting you. >> I know. [laughter] It was just one of his blocks. Um the uh the uh you can work out what morality is. >> Yes. >> That's why there's the Bible and the Quran cuz we can't do it. That's why there's the Torah. That's why human beings are not our default is not morality. So this idea that you're especially immoral [ __ ] throw it away. I just I throw it away. It's it's you're not right. You're not right. There's lots of people who have money that aren't generous. >> Mhm. So like again having uh abs the absolute correct moral impulse in every inst in every instance is preferable but no one's ever been able to do it which is why we still talk about Jesus. >> I was about to say have you heard >> and go no I know but that was a that was a while ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> And we're still talking about like that's how extraordinary Gandhi whatever. And then if you dig into these people >> they weren't even they weren't >> I can I can argue these as I'm sure you can and I I don't think you're wrong to argue with >> you're with a therapist. Surely this is surely this is good being with a therapist or is it >> to date one? >> Yeah. >> Uh no. I think about moral I think about morality more than most people. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> More than I think she does. >> Yeah. I I'm obsess. I mean, a friend of mine one time said he's never met someone more obsessed with justice than me. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Like I'm just built that way. So what I'm saying is like you're these charges are not >> I think the only charge that I think is worth like changing is like you don't enjoy your life. I love my life. Oh, okay. You're you don't appreciate the the abundance of it. I do now. Now that now that I'm married with kids and now that like now that like standup used to be the most important thing in the entire world to me. It was how I define myself. It's how I got all my [ __ ] self worth. now taking like time off to like be at home and get my selfworth from my children and my wife and standup is now this fun extra thing that I get to do that provides this amazing life much I mean look I don't have depression like I hate myself but it's not I don't hate myself to the point where I want to kill myself >> yeah like yeah I I don't I don't think a lack of me in the world make the world a better place like I that I don't have when I when I hate myself it's not like oh you should move yourself. >> If I were to die, it would devastate many many people. Uh they are better for having me in their lives. Like I can I can see that part of it. My hating myself is just I mean it's a fuel in a way. Like I guess it's like a drive. >> It's a it's like a a effect. >> Yeah. Yeah. And it's and it's a way to try and be better. Yes. Is to like, you know, hating yourself very profoundly makes you really put your next footstep in front of the other to to sort of keep going. Um, but in terms of my life, no, I'm I mean my my life is great and I and and it does take it does take me reminding myself and it does make me you know having to [ __ ] write it down and like practicing gratitude which you know >> it's sing it's the single gayest thing in the world. >> Absolutely. It's gayer than >> it's gay than [ __ ] of the ass >> significantly. So much so >> it's the [ __ ] of the ass isn't gay till you start journaling. [laughter] >> It's just >> it's fine. Like it's not it's heterosexual but if you journal about it >> yeah I'm officially >> I'm grateful for the G-spot and Tyrone. [laughter] >> Um yeah that that yeah I I I I love my life. I hate myself. I love the life that I'm living. I love what I get. I'm sure you've explored with your therapist the idea of what is it? It's the thing about I hate myself. Your favorite part of that sentence is self. >> Yes. Yeah. And I >> Yeah. And I myself. >> The only word I know like is Yeah. Uh my Yeah. Exactly. >> I Myself. >> Yeah. Um All right. Well, here's one. Uh I'm a drug addict. >> Yes. >> Which one? >> Weed. >> Weed. Okay. So, that's And when was the last time you smoked it? >> Uh February. >> How what what happened? I went to therapy in January because I knew I mean I've known I was addicted since I was about uh 29. I would go through phases where I would stop for a bit uh just to count down the days to prove to myself that it wasn't a problem. >> I know that. By the way, if you're counting the days that you're not doing something, that's I think the clearest sign that you're an addict. >> Yeah. Yeah. Uh >> anyone who's like, I haven't had a drink in [ __ ] 34 days. You're like, I don't know when the last time I had a drink. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. cuz it's not something that affects I did 100 days off of it. My count it was like a [ __ ] advent calendar down the days to prove that I was in control and that I would my behavior was cyclical. I would on a Sunday night a random Sunday night I would go right my weed smoking out of hand. I'm going to go outside and have my last. I'm going to [ __ ] throw all my weed into like the river or the neighbor's >> car. >> It's like a gesture, a big [ __ ] to >> I would tell my housemate. I'd be like, "Hey, I'm off weed, so don't like give me any like I make sure it's hidden from me." And then when he was at the house, I would look through his drawers, you know? I would go through his room until I found the [ __ ] weed. I would then buy weed from a different [ __ ] dealer. I would hide it around the house. Uh, and then it would go from like only after 7:00 p.m., only after 3:00 p.m., only after 11:00. And then it was every day. Eventually my wife would sort of notice but because again high functioning stoner you know when I was high I would feel so guilty about being high I was like well don't be [ __ ] lazy go and do things I would I would write I would clean I would be like super present as a father I would make [ __ ] because if I could prove there were no consequences then it wasn't a problem as long if I was high all the time as long as I was doing it if I was going to the gym if I was eating [ __ ] healthy then it was Not a >> is okay let's say you are doing you are highly productive right >> what is the problem >> health what it does to my health what it does to my anxiety it's a short-term fix for a long-term problem >> like uh the I I I used to convince myself that we' reduced my anxiety which I know for a lot of people it does and that's what I thought it was doing to me >> it didn't reduce my anxiety it made my anxiety way worse it made me talk my anxiety less. It made me sort of push it [ __ ] it. I would just sit there in my head and spiral and then whenever speak to me that would always be a distraction from it. I would never tell them truly what's going on in my head. >> Yeah. >> It wasn't a cure for my anxiety. It was a cure for my boredom, you know, and boredom is a real privilege. And I think sometimes I was just very bad at being bored because when I was bored, I would be in my own head. And I sort of didn't realize how much I hated myself. So I didn't like being in my head. So weed was a great place to sort of in theory uh take me out of that. And like I love weed so much. I would love to have a healthy relationship with it in like 10 15 years time. If you were to give me weed right now, there is nothing anyone in the world could do to stop me. >> If only we had a sister. [laughter] >> But I I was never cocaine. I could give up easily. I was never cocaine's great, but like I could not do cocaine for cocaine for [ __ ] ages. >> In my 20ies, I was doing it a bit, but I would stop. I wouldn't need it. I'm like, how the [ __ ] am I addicted to the non addicted one? >> To me, it's not even a problem other than the anxiety. Meaning I like I used to take Zoloft like and I stop whatever I can disc, >> you know, I didn't feel I was addicted to it, but it was helping me. >> Oh, was it wasn't helping you? >> No. Yeah. If it's not helping you, that's the problem. >> Yeah. I convinced myself for so long that it was helping me. It was not helping me. But a big part of like hating myself was hating how much of a It's not good. At least for me being a stone dad. I completely agree. My But then I there's a part of me that thinks Explain to me Explain to people the difference between being a stone dad and a regular dad cuz you've done both. >> Yeah. being uh for me again there's people with real valid reason to [ __ ] smoke weed. I I do not want to take it away from anyone >> apparently. I mean a lot of the studies coming out it's not good for anyone. >> Okay. >> Like in the last month or two it's been like >> this we thought it was all good. It's really not. >> Yeah. No, it's not. Um there was one [ __ ] you know I'd wake up in the morning and make my kids [ __ ] breakfast and like part of being a functional stoner is getting away with it. At one point my son was like, "Why are you always quiet in the morning?" And I was like, "Oh, [ __ ] He's noticed." Like he because when I'm not high, I'm talking. I'm distracting myself. I'm doing and also I'm angry cuz it's the morning and I'm tired >> and it's [ __ ] 6 a.m. And if I'm not high, I'm annoyed that my son woke me up [ __ ] an hour ago and I'm making this thing. So sometimes I'm like I'm a bit nippy with him or like I get angry and then I'll apologize for being nippy and we have these conversations and I explain my emotions to him and I'm like I'm sorry I'm not angry at you. I'm angry that I'm awake and I'm out of my coffee and I shouldn't even need my coffee blah blah blah and it's not your fault. I'm tired. I shouldn't have played Dark Raiders until 1:00 a.m. last night. I knew you were going to wake up this [ __ ] time. But I made a dumb decision. I tell my son all these things. Not one am I. I It's all in there. And he would just go, "Why are you quiet?" And that really really broke my heart, which is like, oh my god, I'm not as good at communicating with him as I thought I was. Communication is a huge thing for me and the loved ones in my life. It's the way that I get rid of a lot of my anxiety. It's the way I sort of explain myself. It's the way I feel better about myself. It's just sort of like, right, this cruel inner monologue thing, I'm going to say it out loud and explain to people how I'm perceiving the world so that they can correct me within it. And I wasn't h doing it. And the like in the first 4 days of going back in the cycle of getting back on weight is the best because that's when the guilt is there. So it's like I'm high so I'm going to focus on being extra present. I'm going to be super fun to play with. It's my phone's in another [ __ ] room. I'm not distracted. I'm I'm fully 100 >> lucky. This is better than me not than being sober. >> Yeah. I'm I'm a heightened version of myself. >> Day four. I need >> Yeah. more hits more regularly and it's not curing my boredom anymore. So my phone is so I'm on my phone stoned while my kids in the [ __ ] room and then he's you know trying to [ __ ] engage with me and I'm getting [ __ ] nippy again. All the stuff that I was smoking weed to get rid of is still there. Yeah. >> It's still there all the time. I just delayed the [ __ ] response of it. I me personally like the biggest lie I convinced myself during my 20s and 30s was I was a better person when I was high. I'm a much better person when I'm not. I'm a better dad. I'm a better husband. I like myself more when I'm not >> uh cuz I don't It's not an extra [ __ ] whip to fogg myself with. It's not another reason to [ __ ] hate myself. >> Y >> um and Yeah. Am I angrier and grumpier and do I experience a wider range of emotions? Absolutely. >> Unfortunately. >> And it makes me more human. >> Yeah. >> And like because when I have those big emotions, I'm able to reconcile them afterwards. I'm like, "Fucking hell, that was a big one. Where did that come from?" >> Yeah. you know, I analyze it as opposed to numbing it. Um, and again, if you smoke weed, live my life, but do it. I I I love it. I want everyone to [ __ ] have the best time on it. I just The difference between you and me is everyone else can stop. Yeah. I can't. [sighs] He's Your new tour is called Bitter. >> Yes. And successful. You are good-looking enough to call yourself bitter and people think it's cute. I can't call myself [laughter] bitter. I call myself bitter and they're like, "No kidding." Um, [laughter] uh, what, uh, people tell you you look like McCauley Kulkin, right? >> Yeah. And I used to have a bull cut until I was 12 years old. >> Oh, incredible. >> So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Real bad. >> Uh, bitter and successful is is this part. >> The worst combination. >> I almost don't even want to talk about it. Yeah, >> cuz it's it's so No, we can talk about, but I'm saying it's so unappealing. >> Yeah. >> When did you realize like I have to stop doing I have to stop complaining? >> When you're forced to do gratitude, really take things into account. >> There's a real big and another great way to self-loa, which is just go, how [ __ ] dare you? >> Like, you know, when I was 17 years old, when did you start standup? Oh, like way later. Like, yeah. When I was 16, 17, the dream, the dream of all dreams was to make a living out of doing. >> Y >> and I've been doing that since then. >> How dare I not be happy? >> Y I also think like the way this industry is sort of aligned and this is something I still suffer from and I want to get [ __ ] better at it. It convinces us that we're in competition with our peers when we are not. like other comedians doing well is only good for the art form. And even as I say these words out loud, I don't blame them. I'm still angry at other people doing better. >> Oh, you Oh, you're okay. Like I said, I can't not compare myself to others. >> Well, okay. I I'm sure you've had this analogy, but it's like golf, right? >> Yes. >> You're playing the course. But that's true. But somebody wins the tournament. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then obviously does being competitive help you is it a drive that that helps you generate more material because that's I cuz then I'm like all right I can't really argue with it. >> Yeah. >> But I just know so many so many successful people that are like comparing themselves and you're just like this is so stupid. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> But are you are you able to not do it? Like do you still get jealous? I've never jealous I can't say I get jealous. I get like >> I guess being best friends with Dave really [ __ ] >> it kind of you just go [laughter] >> Yeah. It was like I I >> Yeah. From the start you were like oh I'm never going to be >> I mean it's just like I don't I It's like what I What are you going to do? You just go okay well >> Yeah. Yeah. I guess I'll Yeah. I'm never going to be the best. >> Yeah. Like I I'm not even the best person in this relationship. [laughter] So most if as a comedian most relationships you're going to be the funniest person in every once in a while you get bested. Uh so so then you just go like I'd like to get some [ __ ] on. I'd like to get some [ __ ] on the show. I like to get and then and then and then once I whatever then I started doing stand up and it was like still compared to him but it's more just about like I'd like to write the best bit in this category. >> Mh. >> Right. >> Yeah. Yeah. Like I'd like to write the best bit in this category. I'd like to write the best whatever bit. So I can't Am I going to be able to do arenas? No. I'm never going to be able to do arenas. I'd like to added theater. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So and and but I don't think I'm a loser. I I guess I' there have been times where I've been like comparing myself to it. But there's also like I don't like but a certain amount of stress. Mhm. >> I don't like being surrounded by people. >> Mhm. >> And there's certain stuff that at a level you it's unavoidable, but I but I but I've seen people be competitive that's like >> I think it's good in your 20s. Like I think it's a it's a fine >> it's kind of cute. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> It it really speaks to a lack of perspective. >> Yes. >> Like to the point where it's like ignorant. Yes. >> Like you're you're an ignorant person. Okay. Well, what do you have have have you ever been on top in your mind? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But like upon self-reflection and being an adult now, I was not that that that was the delusions like you know when the the Netflix specials really changed my life in terms of like my career around the world and it like >> I you know you know I went from playing [ __ ] 500 series to you know 3,000 and everywhere like and like >> I really that was the time in my life where I was like oh my god I genuinely might be one of the [ __ ] best at this. Yeah. >> I was not I was in awe. >> But do you do best or most popular? Cuz it's two different categories. [sighs] >> Yeah. See, I guess the I guess the problem that I suffer with it, which is like I'm very popular, but I guess I don't see myself as one of the best. >> I have the opposite problem. >> Oh yeah. >> I have lots of respect. >> Yeah. >> And decent sales. >> Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] >> I'm like a boutique [ __ ] Would you want to trade lives? >> Lives and be Scottish. >> Um, >> [ __ ] look at your [ __ ] Look at your >> I know. Uh, uh, would No, I wouldn't. No, that's the thing is like I know I also have lived enough to know like growth to me is treating the cause and not the symptom. And I think the in your 20s and 30s, you treat the symptom, which is I need attention. And then at a certain point, you go, why do I need this much attention? And could I cut out the middleman and just go to the reason and then do that? That's where the DMT and everything comes in. >> Yeah. >> Um 5 MO DMT. That's the one I did. >> Yeah. >> Uh Yeah. >> Is that And it's is you smoking it? >> Yeah, you smoke it. It's wild. >> And they let you in. >> They There are no entities. >> Oh. >> At 5 MO there are no entities, >> but it's the It's >> It's beyond It's beyond the place. >> Oh my god. Okay. >> I I had the thought, God's not here yet, just to put it in perspective. >> Before time. >> Yes. Wow. Yes. Uh I was an amoeba. I didn't know left, right, up, down, breathing, consciousness. I didn't I never had a thought. >> And was that freeing? >> Uh it was beyond It was terrifying. I would have paid for terror. >> Okay. >> But it's you want to talk about a factory reset. We I'll talk more about it because I talk about it endlessly on this. But but once you treat the symptom, I know that it's, you know, I do one Wilbur >> and you sell it out and you go and then the next story you do two. >> Yeah. >> And you sell it and you go, >> "Okay." >> Yeah. >> Like nothing happened. >> [laughter] >> I didn't nothing. It didn't affect the gauges at all. It didn't the meters didn't change. It was just like, oh, you just I mean, it's the hyonic treadmill. It's all like the the human traps of just like, well, I thought this was going to be There are things in life that are doing a Netflix special is a big deal. There are things that are like, "Oh, this is different." >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> This is I feel better. And it's a real like I've established myself like this is something that even my inner model cannot deny that this is an achievement and I >> Yes. And I can't it wasn't about awards. It wasn't about it was just about like [snorts] I know. >> Are you doing this DMT in Mexico? Are you doing in South America? >> I did it in No, you can do it in the States. It's not legal but you can do it. >> Yeah. Well, um >> I've been here before. >> Yeah. [laughter] >> I know this country. >> Yeah. Um so, uh >> it's not legal, but you can do it. >> No. The American way. Yeah. >> of [laughter] America. >> Yes. We the people. It's not legal. You can do it. Um so anyhow, so it's treating the symptom. >> Mhm. >> I'm sorry. Treating the cause and not the symptom. >> Yes. >> Um that's the which I think you're on your way to. >> Yeah. I still don't know like I mean obviously still in [ __ ] therapy now. I still don't know where the all of the self-loathing like comes from. Like you know and one of the >> Yeah. You don't have to have been molested. It's like you don't um >> doesn't hurt. [ __ ] Being molested doesn't hurt. >> Yeah. But you don't have to have been molested. >> Um Yeah. Because I I I guess I was always sort of told that like drug addiction or addiction in general was like a painkilling and I really couldn't work out what the pain was. >> Yeah. >> And like I've had my you know my sister died when I was seven. >> Um I was groomed a bunch of times with no success. Um you know un this guy's ungroomable. >> Okay. Yeah. and and many have tried. [laughter] >> Um or maybe just don't >> they threw their be the Scottish the their best Scotsman they threw him at him. >> Yeah. [laughter] >> They couldn't break them. Maybe that's the next show. Daniel lost unlastable. [laughter] How about it? Um but yeah. Yeah. I don't know where the again sister's pretty good. I I we don't even >> She was disabled too. A double [ __ ] >> She spam >> and you killed her. Yeah. Um the >> because she was molested. Yeah. [laughter] >> Um and she was going to [ __ ] up the whole ecosystem. If they got her, you were it was inevitable. [laughter] It was the domino theory of of of Southeast Asia. Um of uh so the but okay. So the the you have to be there's a thing recently it's covert narcissism. That's the one I was the one that you like the I hey myself but you love the I and the myself. I definitely that. >> Yeah. So, so and they realiz they there's a study recently it's genetic. >> Oh, really? >> Yeah. I mean like in the last three weeks it came out. They're like this might because they did the they separate twins or they didn't separate them but they were separated. I think twins >> I mean they're creepy. They came out everybody. Yeah. >> Um and >> one should always be killed at birth >> at least. >> Yeah. >> Um >> God doesn't copy and paste. He doesn't make those mistakes. >> Hello. Um only the Chinese can do that. >> [laughter] >> Um um the uh the Okay. So, but it could just be a it can just be I used to yell at my therapist, it's in my body. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> I can keep talking about this. It's the throat mind saying the incantation over and over again of what happened and this and that or it's in my body. So, but it is about treating the cause and sometimes the cause is just you >> what it is. It's just like the way the system's set up and it could be like cellular, you know, it doesn't it could be other it could be actual like this event, etc. But so yeah, >> should be my third position. >> Unfortunately, you're going to and gratitude is a big one. >> Yeah. >> Where it's, you know, just like all right, I can't >> I I can't. This is I'm lying. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> I have 13 comedy specials, but I'm not good. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Oh, really? >> Yeah. How? Come on. >> Because people are idiots, >> of course. But they're not. >> And I've convinced them all. >> Yes. Fine. But like that's a By the way, that's another thing that people do, which is like And then do you do the thing where you make people prop you up with your self-hatred? >> No. No. >> I'm ugly. No. You're pretty. That thing. >> Oh, no. No. I don't. No. No. Very rarely do I talk about it. Got to get it. like it's not something I bring up to my for no no like arrogance and ego is like a very lovely mask that I like to wear. So I sort of do the opposite sometimes like I am so egotistical and so [ __ ] arrogant that like and by being this like big brash confident person it makes other people want to bring me down a level so they saying things that I already agree with. You make yourself a target. Yes. Yes. Cuz that that way I sort of get that >> it's like the eight. It's the Eminem thing, but you like you make them write it. >> Yes. >> There's something Scottish about like you are fairly emblematic of like a kind of Scottish bloke, right? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Like it's sort of like >> fun. Yeah. >> The boys. >> And also Scottish people, we all hate ourselves. It's a Scot Scotland is one of the most self-deprecating nations on the planet. Being miserable is absolutely part of our identity. And we're allowed to hate ourselves, but if you hate us, we'll [ __ ] kill you. >> Yeah. Great. >> Like pint to the side of the head. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Gluch an old [ __ ] hat joke, but Scotland is the only country where glass is a verb. >> That's funny. >> Yeah. It's an old joke sometimes if you haven't heard them. They're pretty good. You see how they got this? >> Neil, what are you known for? A couple things. mental health of course vegan probably and uh thirdly or I'd like to think I of course I fourthly I'd like to think I'm known for uh my love of betay I love bedayets I've loved betdays I had a girlfriend get me one in 2006 that's how deep I'm in the game back then you had to get them from Japanese people you had to know someone in Japan to get one now they're everywhere now I give them away when I direct commercials for a for a big box company. I give one away every day. Uh we call it the bed daily giveaway. Don't love the pun, but my ad Jesse came up with it and I had to go with it. It's not bad. I love beday guys. I've I'm I'm a tushy I'm a tushy guy. I've got tushies. I I'm on my third. I got the portable. I'm big into it. I don't like talking too specifically because it gets gross pretty immediately. But I just installed a new one. I just installed a new tushy. It's working good. I just think it's time for you to get a bedet. It's just time. You think paper's enough? I You You and I are different people, brokis. It ain't enough. I mean, it I guess it could be eventually, but you What What What have you done? You've you've like ruined You ever look at a mom wiping an angry mom wiping stuff off their kid's face and it just looks like the kid's in pain. That's what you're doing to your own butt. Okay. But by the way, Tushy has a warm one now. They have like a warm water one. It's slightly more expensive and you need to plug it in. It's not still not very expensive, but it's like slightly more expensive and you got to plug it in. But I I do it. I haven't done it yet, but I'm planning on it. Here's the call to action. Please pay attention. Give your routine the freshest start for a limited time. Our listeners get 10% off their first bedet order when you use code ne at checkout. That's 10% off your first bet order at hell tushy. H e l t-sh.com with promo code Neil. Hello tushy.com with promo code Neil for 10% off. Tushy. Hello.com. Hello, Toshi. Guys, I know that I look like I have perfect health. I think we can all admit that I look I'm the portrait. I'm the face of good health. I kid with my weak voice. But I got to look, I'm into doctors. I actually am way more into health than you would think. And I've got a new issue, guys. A new health issue. That's right. We've got a torn labum on both sides of the hips. It's pretty great. The right side's worse than the left. etc., etc. I'm not going to bore you. I'm doing the exercises, but but from what I understand, about 60 to 70 people end up getting surgery for labor for labor room tears, but I've had to involve uh my our friends at Zachdoc because I am in a different place now. We I'll reveal more when the time comes and I'm in a different city, need doctors. Zachdoc is great because all right, so here's the thing. You type in your name, location, if you have insurance, you type in your insurance and then Zachdoc gives you a list of in network doctors near you, links, you can schedule it on the site. You can get in same day sometimes. Um, it's more comprehensive than pretty much any other way you could do it. I even find it more comprehensive than going through my insurance. It's just insurance isn't up todate. Or maybe I'm going on the wrong portal. It's all about what portal you go on. Anyway, Zach Do has a over 150,000 providers within 200 plus specialtities across all 50 states. Their website has tons of reviews from real patients and detailed doctor profiles to help you choose the right one. I needed an osteopath. Turns out, guys, and we found one. Not going to say names, but pretty good so far. see actual appointment openings and click to instantly book a visit. Appointments happen fast, usually within uh 24 to 72 hours, and you can even score same day babies. Same day, baby. Zach is free to use. Here's a call to action. Brush your teeth. Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Find and book the right doctor with ZuckDoc. Head to zdock.comal to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's zooccdoc.comal. [music] No work life balance. Still, you know, >> does your wife get on you about it? Do your kids get do your kids do things like, "Why are you so quiet?" like the sort of subtle they don't even know they're >> Yeah. They they're so young. My son is four, my daughter is 22 months. Like they and when after my daughter was born, I took like 8 months off to like be home all the time. And my son obviously loved that. And he's at the stage now where like, you know, it's very hard to be like, "Hey, do you [ __ ] like this house in the holidays we go on?" It's because daddy works. He knows my job. He sort of kind of understands it. You know, it's not that I would like to be home all the There's no way to do this job without travel. >> Yeah. >> There's there's just there's just no way. And I can take my family with me on tour, which I often do when I'm in America in October, November. They're coming on a tour bus with me, which is so much better for my mental health because it gets rid of all the [ __ ] the guilt of being away and they're just there the whole time and we get to experience >> all of this together. Um, it [ __ ] eats into the profits, you know? You take [ __ ] three extra people. What are you doing at this? What do you What do you need it for? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What do you honestly I mean that's another gratitude thing where it's like okay and we're such [ __ ] cave people >> that were like we're hoarder. We're natural hoarders. >> Yeah. >> I mean people are so worried about Elon Musk is worried about money. Bill Gates is worried about money. That's why they give it away. They go when I die you can have it. >> Yeah. >> But until then get the [ __ ] away from my money cuz I can I can I can trick myself. >> Yeah. Because because it's safety, which is the thing. People who say the money doesn't buy happiness. Absolutely. Money buys security. Security brings happiness. >> Not having to worry about next mortgage payment. >> But you but you don't a part of you doesn't believe it. Obviously, if you're going like, "Boy, this baby, you know, this baby food on the road." >> Yeah. Well, because it's it's there is part of me that like wants to not necessarily re retire, but there's a there's a big part of me that like just wants during these formative years of my kids' lives. Like >> you want to be around >> I want to be around the whole time when they're 13 and they [ __ ] hate me and I can explain to them while I'm away. >> Right back at you. >> Yeah. [ __ ] >> Yeah. >> Then I I won't mind touring. But like these years are the ones whenever I talk to parents, they're like these these is generally the years that you don't get back. >> I call it uh sunset. >> Yeah. >> These these these a four-year-old is a setting son. >> Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> They're going to be I mean there they stay cute. I mean my stepson's like almost six, but it's like I know he's going to be 10 and smell and or what however age they get, you know, >> stinky. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's just like a bit where like I I really loved the time off that I took and it was actually my I wanted to take a year off and after 8 months off my wife was like, "Hey, it's great having you around most of the time. You need to >> What was her issue with you?" >> Uh I don't have any hobbies. [laughter] >> Like because this has been my whole Yeah. Like I thought like she I think she clearly thought like during this time off I would just suddenly like get into other stuff and turns out my hobby was smoking weed and hating myself. Uh and >> which again it's a lot millions of people but >> aicionados but why are you not using that for standup? >> That's buddy buddy you're you're burning all this fuel. Yeah you're burning all this fuel. Get warm. What are you doing? Um, also like she uh she was like you need an out like standup has always been there like for my anger, my rage, my sadness, my happiness, my [ __ ] joy. always been sort of like it's how I express myself and it's like it's a lot of the time it's how I you know I sometimes it's the way I feel my most and god it gives me such confidence like you know it's really nice to not have >> it's really nice to have my self worth now come from car and my children how good's ripping though how good is going on stage and ripping it like it's I love that feeling of >> you know and also my wife my you Well, my wife [ __ ] fancies the pants off me when I have a good gig. There's nothing better. There's the best gig I will ever ever do in my life is when I know she's in the audience because I know the better I do, the hornier she gets. >> Fantastic. >> And it's, you know, it's red rag to a [ __ ] [ __ ] Yeah. >> Like, so we, you know, I still, you know, I can complain about all this all the [ __ ] I love this job. I'm very grateful to have this job and I'm so lucky to have the [ __ ] career that I have in it. I just want to sort of get to a point where I felt like I had the work life balance for a [ __ ] bit. Like when I started touring again, I would be away for three days every two weeks and I come back cuz 3 days away from your kids is the ultimate amount of days away from your kids. One day you're free bed, not being kicked in the [ __ ] face, not being woken up early in the morning. Day two, the guilt still hasn't [ __ ] sane. You're sort of you're looking at [ __ ] pictures. Day three is when you start being like, "Oh my god, I'm a negligent father and I should be home more." >> Unless you're going home on that fourth day, in which case the answer is like three days is the ultimate amount of time away from your kids. >> Uh and then I did three and a half weeks in Australia and just there and Yeah. You know, and you feel like a piece of garbage because also I'm gigging every night there. >> Yeah. >> So it's so it's there's there's so much less time to >> Yeah. I don't want downtime because I'm away and if I'm away capitaliz 100%. >> So there's no downtime and because there's no downtime I got less time to be myself and I'm just more time being that [ __ ] arrogant [ __ ] on [ __ ] stage getting in that head space again. And then also when I have a bad gig, Jesus Christ, aren't I the worst human being that ever lived? And yeah, it's amazing that people have fallen for this con for 16 [ __ ] years and how am I going to convince them? You know, all that [ __ ] [ __ ] happens again. Different time zones. I'm [ __ ] you know, my kid my kids are phoning me in the morning. It's 2 am and I'm drunk. Like I'm like, you know, it's >> Yeah. >> Not a [ __ ] h a great time. But when I get back from this, I'm home for Oh, no. I'm back on tour after 3 days, but just in the UK. >> Do you get home at night or No, >> I get home at night. H I got two days of home and I'm off to like [ __ ] York and Brighton. >> I don't We don't know. >> No, we don't. >> Sounds awful. Oh, York. You know, New York. Yeah. It's based on that. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Similar. Are they similar? >> Yeah. You know what? >> Pretty identical. >> You guys did do a better job. [laughter] You guys did. >> It's not It's not It's not legal, but you can do it. >> Yeah. >> Um, >> you want to knock someone out? That's a That's a good one >> and pretty relatable. Go ahead. >> Tell us more. >> My best friend is called Kai Humphrey's. He's a great comedian. Uh, he's very kind. He's very nice. He's the hardest person I know. Like, and you wouldn't expect it from him. And maybe not now that he's, you know, in his [ __ ] 40s now, but like late 20s, in his 30s, that [ __ ] could knock out anyone on the planet. And I saw him do it multiple times. And it was always justified. I always called him scummy Batman. You know, he would never start a fight, but he would finish several. And it would only ever be if he his opinion was very much like there are some people in the world who act the way they act because they've never been knocked out before. And if you were to just give them some [ __ ] medicine, they're going to be a better person with another intervention. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a physical intervention. >> Yeah. >> And he would never and it would never be surp he he was never coward punching someone. It was never he was never blindsided them. >> So were I assuming you were drinking every time? >> Uh not every time. Sometimes he would No, I've seen him knock people out in the morning, which is wild. You know, there's your [ __ ] coffee. >> Oh, when? >> How? >> For what? >> Just because of the way that they were treating their partner from >> at like at breakfast, >> brunch sometimes, you know? Yeah. Like he would, you know, somebody would be being rude to and really shouting really [ __ ] and they were using their physical size to intimidate people and he wanted to prove that your physical size doesn't mean you can't be knocked the [ __ ] out. Uh, and he's left-handed. He's an ink dragger. So, like people would never he would always take his watch off because he broken so many watches from punching people in the face. So, he would always take his watch off before he punched someone. >> He's big or he's not. >> No, he's not big. He's my height. I would say no. Similar similar size. Also, you know, we've known each other for 20 years. He's been chubby. He's been repped. He's been he's gone through it all. >> He was never h Oh, that's not true. I suppose he was never happy when a lot of people out. Sometimes he was [ __ ] thrilled cuz some people really deserved that and he did a good job >> and but then like a lot of the time like he felt really bad after. Also, I was a [ __ ] nightmare with him. He's 7 years older than me. I've never had an older sibling. I've only ever learned deescalation cuz I've never been a fighter. I've never been in a fight. I I've the reason I don't get into fights is because I know I'll lose them. In my 20s when I was with him, I was the obnoxious girlfriend. >> Like I was people clean it up. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. People who normally I would deescalate situations with if I was by myself. I'm like my boyfriend's here. >> I would people who were being [ __ ] rude to me. [ __ ] I would get mouthy. I would get gobby and I'm funnier than anyone in [ __ ] public saying these things. So, I'm saying really cruel things to antagonize people. I'm fight I'm not going for their first insecurity. I'm going for their fourth insecurity. The one that most people don't know about cuz I know how to [ __ ] hurt them because all I want them to do is come up to me and start a fight cuz my boyfriend's going to knock you out. [laughter] >> Um, and God, I wish it was just I wish I had the confidence myself to be able to knock someone out. Like, >> do how do you feel about Do you think it's dangerous to knock someone out? >> Absolutely. And that's why Kai doesn't do it anymore. Like he there was enough like he the guilt he would often feel afterwards of like and the sort of like oh my god thank god they didn't fall in such a way or hit their head off the [ __ ] curb. Like the reason he's not knocked anyone out in I would say about five or six years is because like just sort of realizing how irresponsible and [ __ ] dangerous Yeah. and all that stuff. Like I think now he won't like the way I'm talking about him. Like there's a real regret I think for him the way thankfully he never killed anyone but he changed some lives. [laughter] >> He do you think he change did anyone come forward? Did anyone get in touch with him like the like Jigsaw and go like look >> you knocked me the [ __ ] out >> until you knocked me out I didn't know >> how good I had it. Um nobody's got in contact. He's been beaten the [ __ ] up and changed because of it as well. >> Oh that's interesting. Like like he said like Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like he got his [ __ ] he got his [ __ ] head kicked in by like seven bouncers where they like pinned him down and tried to How come? >> How you What did you say? Oh, I wasn't I wasn't there. [laughter] I wasn't there that time. Uh he was in a bar and one of his friends was very drunk but passed out on a table and so the bar tried to remove him and they were like, "No, he's fine. He's just he's not he's too drunk but he's just sleeping." >> Yeah. And then some bouncers came in to try and throw him out. Um, so, oh, one of them tried to hit him, so he broke a bouncer's nose by kneing him in the face three times. His brother, one of my favorite ever [ __ ] stories. H, this bouncer calls him back up. Four more bouncers turn up. All of Kai and his friends get up. There's a big [ __ ] brawl. All of Kai's mate. >> How long He calls for backup. How long does it take? Oh, there there's bars. >> They're like he walkies. They're not. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And the bar are there. They're see what's going on. >> Kai's brother uh grabs one of the bouncers that comes in physically throws him out of his own bar and says, "You're barred." And goes back in to join the bar fight. [laughter] There's there's there's fisty cuffs. They're all [ __ ] going at each other. A bunch of other bouncers arrive from other bars which are in the on the same security team that are doing everything. >> There happened to be a bouncer convention that week. Several in town. >> Uh and they take Kai around the corner and like [ __ ] four of them hold him down while one guy just [ __ ] stomped on his head in a really [ __ ] graphic. >> And Kai when the police came along uh to be like, "Do you want to press charges?" And he was like, well, I mean, you know, the thieves honor was never going to do it anyway. >> But they were like, the bouncers, they've got footage of Kai's brother throwing the bouncer out the bar, and that bouncer will drop charges against your brother if you drop charges against him. So, like honors. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, >> what are the charges? What would he have charged his brother with? Being excellent. >> You know, I'm charging you for the doing >> for the coolest story. ironic [laughter] greatness, >> sir. You're taking this to the highest court in the land. >> Yeah. >> For um >> But I wish these stories I told I wish they were about me. Like I wish I wish when I'm when I have this [ __ ] >> You've never fought. I've been headbutted once. >> You exercise? >> Yeah. >> So you're What do you do? You do any combat exercises? >> No. No. No. I don't go to I don't do martial arts for the same reason that I would never live in this country because if I owned a gun I would kill people. >> Yep. >> If you gave me if I was able to beat people up I would be in jail tomorrow because it's all I would do. I would there's >> Do you run aggressive? Are you like your operating systems a little aggressive? >> I could we can walk down the street for 10 minutes and I'll tell you 40 people who need to die tomorrow for the world to be a better place. Yes. Absolutely. >> So it's pure vigilante. >> Yes. Yes, absolutely. I am the arbiter of uh kindness and goodness. And if I could >> I thought so. [laughter] I knew I recognized you from somewhere. If I could if I could dole out [ __ ] street justice, my word, what a better place the world would be. [laughter] And I can't I can't have that power. >> Like if Americans blow my mind for the fact that you're not just killing each other. I mean, you are killing each other. We really are. We really are putting a pretty good. >> But like some of you aren't. >> Well, the for the amount of gun I mean it whenever there's they go we have too many guns. I'm like for the amount of guns we have this is not that bad. >> Guys are really holding back >> for 300 million firearms. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Like it's a crazy small amount. >> Yeah. Yeah. This is like we're being sensible. [laughter] >> We really are. I I really believe that about our country. Um Okay. So what's your what are your goals for yourself at this point in life? >> I I I guess get to your level man [laughter] >> by the from this conversation. >> Well, it's there are downsides, but it is a better minute to minute existence. >> I would like to see myself the way my wife sees me. >> And how is that? >> Uh lovely big dick. Great. No, great [ __ ] No. Um I don't know. Like I I do I I think I think I'm a very good dad, but like you know, my wife thinks I'm handsome. My wife thinks I'm funny. My wife thinks I'm kind. My wife thinks I'm smart. Uh but only cuz she's so stupid. So of course, anything would be smart to her. Um I would like to, you know, have have that. And then also, yeah, I guess I don't want to I don't want to see myself the way my fans see me cuz that's how I lived my [ __ ] 20s and that was a problem. Anytime a fan was like, "You're the best in the world." I was like, "Well, why would you lie?" So, you've seen my stuff. >> Yeah. >> I would Yeah. I would like to Yeah. Get rid of What was the What was the great narcissist term you used earlier? >> Covert. >> Covert. Covert. >> I want to get rid of that. >> Get rid of that. >> I want to get rid of that. >> Well, you know, if you saw yourself the way your wife does, which I think part of you does. >> Yeah. >> You just go, it's not that big a deal. You just go, I'm a good dad. That's cool. I'm I'm happy about that. Like, I'm I'm uh I'm funny. I'm good-look. whatever. It's like yeah, it doesn't not it ends up not you're we tend to ride highs as comics or people of like I'm going to but it just if you can just make it more >> consistent like a lower baseline but uh it's >> it's a higher baseline but with fewer peaks and troughs. >> Oh, I I guess I wish I was able to dismiss the troughs as well. I'm able to dismiss the peaks. Like whenever something good happens in my career and I achieve something great, I'm very easy to sort of dismiss it. >> The burn rates pretty quick. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> I wish I could do the same when I >> That aging I think helps that. You just It just doesn't hurt as long. >> Yeah. Things don't hurt once you look. The first death sucks. The second death sucks. All death sucks. By the time you've bombed 50 times, you're like, "Ah, you I'm still going to wake up tomorrow." >> Yep. Yeah. >> And also, you know what? I'm going to say it. That audience was wrong. >> Yeah. >> Like when we're young, we're taught the audience is never wrong, >> buddy. The audience is often wrong. >> Sometimes when you're doing well, the audience is wrong. That's how wrong the audience is a lot of the time. >> But >> yes, and making it. It's kind of that, but with life. Like it's like just going like, "Ah, what are you going to do?" Although most of our problems are the the show. >> Yeah. Yeah. how the response to the show, which again, but that's the my defensive comparison is like I'm running a stall at a food court or whatever you want to say. If no one likes my food and they're lined up for that person, I should consider what I'm doing. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> But not obviously like be venomous toward the >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I also got one day I would like to have a healthy relationship with marijuana again. >> I'd like to I'd like to have the relationship with my teens, >> which is like it's night time, I'm playing computer games. >> Yep. >> And like that and it's a treat like it's something I look forward to. Like it's I would like >> and it's never and it just at this point you don't trust that it could be that >> it will not be. >> What about drinking? You like drinking, right? >> Yeah. And I can stop it. Yeah, drinking is fine. is what I [ __ ] hate about it. Like I I enjoy gambling. I can I'll set myself a limit. I'll stop gambling. >> I could do I could genuinely like do cocaine and then not do cocaine for another [ __ ] year. I'm so I reckon I could do heroin once and stop >> for some [ __ ] reason the second weed hits my system. It is it's it's six weeks of my life. Yeah, you can't I can't do it. You really got to hide it. Yeah, got to hide it. Well, guys, it was Daniel Sloth. It was a good episode. He's Scottish. >> Mhm. >> And uh he once believed he was one of the greatest comedians alive. >> I know. Jesus Christ. Please don't [ __ ] [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Daniel Sloth. >> Yeah. >> I don't have a I don't have a follower. >> Yeah. No. Yeah. >> I don't have a I don't >> It could be a noose around my [ __ ] neck. [laughter] >> [singing] >> had it man. [music] All you had to do is open up your hand.