Dan Soder: I Wish I Knew

Guys, hi Neil Brennan. We're switching the premise of this podcast. Well, it's not a big switch, but I wanted to have my friends back and I had already done it. So, we changed. Here's the new premise. I wish I knew or things I 2020 hindsight if I'd only known. We're going to We need a title. I may call it who knew. Who knows? But it's things we wish we'd known. [screaming] You know what I mean? and uh and a guy that I thought would be a dynamite kickoff for the new premise because he ripped it when it was called Blocks. Sister died and his dad died. Who [clears throat] can forget it? And then his mom died eventually. >> No, not yet. She's still holding on. Don't do that. Don't you [ __ ] kill her off on your podcast here. >> Um uh so you wish you knew your mom died >> um before you did this podcast. >> Yeah. Oh my god. What a bummer to find out. >> I'm being awful. Horrible five camera shooter. I mean, you want to talk about that's that's good for 40,000 downloads from me. I'm going to monetize your mom's death when it happens. >> I'm going to release it and do a re-release. [laughter] >> The death cut, >> an anniversary re-release. >> Um, anyway, it's he's got a he's he's doing it. He's one of the I think the probably the most successful internet transition comedians. He he had did an HBO special. He did a Netflix half hour. >> Yeah. Uh, and then he was like, "This is stupid. Let me just do funny stuff on other people's podcasts and on my podcast and on Punchup, his the website." >> Yeah. Punchup.live >> where he does live, you know, he does movie watches and stuff. Uh, never invited me. Don't worry about it. >> I'll do that. I would love to do a movie watch. You know what I would do with you? The um I want to do the movie you directed the No. Yeah, you're right. You can't make fun of something that you created. That is kind of [ __ ] up. >> No. Um, I'll find something. Creative is a big word. Um, anyway, it's Dan Soder, ladies and gentlemen. Please clap. >> That is the the internet transition thing. I was like, "Where are you gonna go with this?" >> No, no, I texted you. I think I called you. I was like, "Hey, man." Cuz I I think about you. I'm like, I at a certain point I was like, "What's going to happen to Soder?" Cuz you were [ __ ] really good, >> but it was like you see you were on serious. You were like doing >> I had a great 2004 career in 2019. >> Yeah. Right. >> So, it was like >> So, yeah. And you and then you were finally like >> and then co I was like what the [ __ ] Bonfire was still [ __ ] awesome. It was still fun as [ __ ] to do but after a while I was just kind of like why am I it >> it felt like a day job. >> You want to start talking about things you wish you knew. You don't owe the industry anything. And then >> no say that clearer. >> You don't owe the industry anything. You don't owe these people have jobs because of what you make. So once you realize that you just cut them out there. You shouldn't be getting notes from someone that you don't creatively >> know how to write jokes >> that you don't creatively agree with because some people don't know how to write jokes but creatively they make they make very excellent points but sometimes people give you notes and you go how the [ __ ] did you get here? >> Yeah. >> So know that. >> Do you realize like cut out any middlemen? >> You don't have to go to afterparties. That's all middlemen. You don't have to go to any of these things. It's it's middlemen. It's uh find a platform that you can put your stuff on. Find out how to make that stuff. Put it on that platform. That's where we're at right now. >> I've been saying we're all the My Pillow guy now. >> Yeah. >> Hello, I'm Mike Lindell, inventor of My Pillow. >> That's hilarious. >> Mike Lindell. We're all Mike Lindell. >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm just slapping stuff on the side to go. >> Yes. They block. >> It's all D what they called DTC, direct to consumer. It's there is no Netflix and all these people are like the last stop. It's the ple playing in America. >> Yeah. If you could go back in time and have like a hood and then you like revealed older Neil to young. >> This is what the whole premise of the show is about. >> But you're at the Boston Comedy Club, right? You would go Byron Allen owns it all. And you'd go, "What do you own the weather? He owns the weather. He owns late night. He owns it all." And you just realize you go because they were playing the right game, you know? And it was like Andrew Schultz was way ahead of the curve. He was like, "What am I doing? I'll just put the clips out and then people can see me and then they'll just buy tickets. And he skyrocketed and like all the rest of us were like, "Damn, Schultz was right." >> Yeah. >> And you just start doing that and you go, "Oh, I'll just >> You love it when Schultz is right though. Makes you feel good." >> Yeah. Yeah. He's very cool. No, it I actually had a conversation with him about it where I was like, I I >> Schultz is great in terms of telling people how to do it. >> I was he Well, he gives advice that's actually >> He told He called me and was like, what did he say? He's like, you have to every clip has to start with a close-up of you. The thumbnail has to be a close-up view centered, which is like, I'm a director. I didn't think about that. >> He Yeah, it was really one conversation I went, "Ah, man. I" And I even admitted to him like, "I was wrong." Cuz I was like, "Oh, no. The people at Comedy Central have my interests." >> Yeah. >> They care about me as a person. And then like HBO, I busted my ass on a special. I think it came out fantastic. Ryan Stoer directed it. He did an awesome job. You know, Bo and Gerard Carmichael produced it. I was very happy with it. Uh, it did really well. And then COVID comes out and I write a new hour and I go to HBO and HBO goes, we're looking for comics that have a message now. And I went, I don't even know what that means. >> Yeah. >> So then you just turn around, you put it on YouTube and people go like, hey, I never saw you before. And you're like, oh yeah, >> cuz this is a thing where you just can share it for free. >> Yes. >> And then now my touring is better than it's ever been. And it's like, oh, I'm just doing standup the way I wanted it to. And you don't realize this. You should >> What's the applicable lesson for people not in comedy? Cuz I I agree with you. >> It's one of the things I sent you. Don't feel bad stealing from a corporation. [screaming] >> Have Okay. >> There's this idea that happened and it was the Democrats that did it where they did a lot of uh policy that they started treating companies like people and saying, >> "Well, I mean that's Mitt Romney's quote. Corporations are people, my friend." >> Sure. But it was also like you look at a lot of legislation. >> It's also literally the law. >> Yeah. It's like that they changed it. Yeah, >> that's what I'm saying. And it's like all these people that think politics one side's different than the other. It's like they're all trying to do the same thing. It's just get corporations where they don't get in trouble for going, "We're not going to pay you. You can [ __ ] off." >> And you just don't realize that these companies build up and up and up and they don't give a [ __ ] about you. And when I was young and I worked at like Bed Bath and Beyond or I worked >> How long do you work? You have some of the great >> I worked there for seven and a half months saving up money to move here. >> Great. And I stole a lot, but I felt bad. >> But I would have stole >> What did you steal? >> Uh, I stole a bunch of A lot of stuff was food that I was just eating while I was stocking cuz I was in the back. >> I mean, >> but I took a lot of sheets. Some Egyptian cotton sheets. >> What kind of thread count we talking? >> 800. >> [ __ ] Christ. This guy belongs in jail. >> Sleeping like sleeping on silk. Baby, >> are you bringing you didn't you unboxed them in Denver? No, this was in when I lived in Tucson and I would just unload trucks and you know >> and then So you used >> stuff falls off the trucks. >> You used them in Tucson. You didn't leave them in the in the cat packaging for your your big New York trip. >> No, no, no. I I busted them right out. I busted them right the floor on that bed. I [ __ ] put him right on. Nicest thread count you've ever seen on a mattress on the floor. >> That's great. >> It was uh sweet and sour. >> That's exactly what it [laughter] was. And I took a the the big thing that I took that I like felt bad for a little bit, but then I I still [ __ ] have it was a memory foam pillow. And it was just like the top. >> You say to a girl, "You're in trouble. You're in trouble." She lays down, "You're in heaven." >> Yeah, dude. I It was a futon in Hoboken. And I brought it out and I That was the pillow I had when I first moved here. And I was like, "Sure, my body's a wreck, but my neck and head are well supported." >> [ __ ] >> It was great. But I felt bad. And then as I got older, I was kind of like, these corporations don't give a [ __ ] about you. And that's actually I think a lesson corporations need to learn where it's like you're not going to have any good employees because there's such a distance between like this is what I always say like when Katie's with me and something goes wrong with a big corporation, >> his uh >> my fiance uh the great Katie Nolan, I'll say >> truly the great Katie Nolan. >> Fantastic Emmy awardwinning. I'll go this happened to me at Herz where I showed up at Herz, right? And I'm going to pick up my car over here in the Lower East Side and they're like, the lady goes, "You're 14th in line. It's two and a half hours." And I'm driving up to Albany. >> Yeah. >> I'm like, "I gotta go up there. I got a show." I go, "I got to get I got to get a car." She goes, "It's like a 2 and 1 half hour wait." >> And instead of getting mad at this lady that's getting paid $9 an hour to sit in a box in a parking garage. I go, "Get me Mr. Herz on the phone right now." And she like looked at me and I was like, "I'm I'm [ __ ] her." Like that's just how far away from that we are. No one owns the There is no Mr. You couldn't even get to the PE. You couldn't >> It's a call center in Bangladesh. I know cuz I called to get a refund >> and it was like >> I also worked there after. >> Yeah. And then I'm also I booked it. So Dan live in Bangladesh. [laughter] It's But it it's one of those things where you're like it's such a disconnect that no corporation is owned by a person. So you should not you're not stealing from a person. You're stealing from a collective group of people that look at numbers >> contracts. Yes. >> You're looking at people that are looking at a spreadsheet. >> You're stealing from a spreadsheet >> and they're insured for it. >> Yeah. They don't care. >> Yeah. >> [ __ ] steal there. >> It's a It's a rounding error, I call it. >> Exactly. And they don't really care. So my point is until they're going to treat us, >> they have to say the the woman you were dealing with has to she everyone's hands are tied, including the CEO, which is it makes it extra wormy. >> Yes. Cuz you go, "So who are you tied to?" >> My stockholders. >> Well, I've got the board meeting. >> Yeah. I've got And it's like So it makes no one responsible and everyone gets to be a [ __ ] Everyone gets to be a [ __ ] and nothing gets done. Yeah. And nothing gets done. Also to add on to this lesson, like a sub lesson that I've learned is learn that when you're talking on the phone to people, these people really don't have they're not hurting you. They're not there to steal from you. They're just trying to make it through the day. And if you are if you treat them like that, you will get a lot farther. If you start joking around, you go, "Who do you hate? Which manager you hate right now that's watching you?" They go, "Sir, I can't say that. I'm being recorded." And you go, "I understand that. Maybe we take this offline after." you really tell me about Jake, you know, who does your scheduling? And they're immediately like, "Oh, this guy's talking to me." Cuz that's almost gone. Be ready. That's gone. That's what AI is replacing. AI is replacing people in call centers. AI is replacing >> relationships. >> They don't want you to have a community. Cuz then they can go like, >> "We're going to die a tiny death not being able to do bits with AI." >> Oh my god. >> A tiny I mean, by the way, I'm bombing. >> That's like part of my super strength. >> I'm I bomb 70% of the time >> with AI. >> No. No. [laughter] with with doing bits to waiters wait >> that's fine cuz the 30 that hit >> never forget it >> you never forget and also as a former waiter when people would do bits with me made my day made my day made my next table where they wouldn't make eye contact with me I go [ __ ] 346 and I had a [ __ ] thing where I' don't need you I don't need you >> I don't need chemistry with you I actually knew which tables I liked if I was I used to do this thing >> um when I worked at dose commamino on 50th and third it was a giant cafe pay on 50th Street, right? A lot of businessmen, a lot of like huge lunches. That's why I worked there. You do like you'd walk with a hundred on lunch even if you didn't close. So, we had uh water pitchers in these metal things and you know it's outside the sun so it's getting hot. So, we had to put napkins over them. So, I would do this thing where I would do fake magic tricks where I would like go to get water and then I'd go like like the reveal like if whoever was walking by. I didn't give a [ __ ] Whoever was walking by, I'd go like like that and I'd show the water picture. And if a table laughed at that, that was my table. I'd be like, "Oh, you're getting you're getting." >> What were they get? What do they get? >> They just get I'm I'm making sure your food is there on time. I'm refilling your chips. I'm refilling your drinks. Me and you are having jokes. >> This is We're on a date. >> We're on a date and I'm like trying to impress you. I'm not trying to get your [ __ ] I'm trying to get that money. And a lot of times >> that wallet [ __ ] >> That wallet [ __ ] I want that leather [ __ ] [laughter] that wallet. But it would be a thing where you immediately have good humor in nature with them. One time I made this guy laugh that wasn't even my table because I was like one of his waitress was all stressed out and she was like, "Dan, can you water the tables or whatever and I was like, "Hello 242. It's been a while." >> And I was like just like doing like rockstar voice and the guy was like, "That's hilarious." And then I was like, "Oh, cool." And then I watched them treat her better cuz they were like, "Ah, she >> pulled Did you guys pull tips?" >> No. And I didn't care. But she bought me a beer after work, which was always like >> So that was worth it. >> 18 years later, you still remember. >> He remembers a bit. Remember what the reward? >> Yeah, I do remember the reward. I remember the little pellet. The [ __ ] >> Here's a here's my here's my number one waiter bit. Uh I'm going to tell you what I'm ordering and then you ask me if any food allergies. Could I get a Could I get a uh BLT? >> Any allergies on that? >> Yeah, I'm allergic to bacon, lettuce, and tomato. >> Okay. Well, we're going to have a problem. >> Um, that's my bit. >> Yeah. If you're stressed out as a waiter, not a good bit. >> Well, that's if you're stressed out as a waiter, you go like this. Yeah. Okay, I got it. So, what do you actually want? >> It bombs 80% of the time, but it's 20%. >> You go, "Brother, I got double sat. What the [ __ ] do you want from me?" >> See, I don't even know the lingo. >> There was one time where I ruined my comedy autism. uh [ __ ] it up with a table where a guy was trying to retell an Eddie Murphy bit and it was driving me insane at the computer and he was like doing it and I go, "It's his dad that's drunk. It's not his uncle that's drunk. I'm sorry. It's like the closer." It's like, "You should know that. It's his dad that's drunk. It's M." And I was like doing the slur thing and the guy goes, "Oh, okay." And I went, >> it's actually his stepdad. He doesn't call it that, but it's >> I know in real. Well, you actually know the Murphy's. That is funny. You correct [laughter] me. And then I show him like his biological dad >> Vernon Lynch. It's not actually >> And that's crazy. Did you meet Eddie's like family? >> I mean, I know his brother. I know Charlie, but I know his other brother, Vernon. >> That's crazy. I've never known that there was a third brother. >> Yep. He kind of looks like Stephen A. Smith. >> And he just is like, "Yeah, De Murphy is my brother." >> Yeah. Vern. >> That's sick. >> And the uncle. >> Oh, yeah. And his cousin. >> But his uncle's great because his uncle was on all these old talk shows Eddie got famous. Now, this man has never danced a step in his life, but I'll bet that somewhere in his bones, he's got dancing rhythm. >> Probably. [laughter] >> I got my first rhythm from the whip. >> I had a thumbnail. >> It's one of those Dick Cavit shows where he's like, "And this is Eddie's uncle." Yeah. And he's like, "I don't know, man. He's funny." He's got his like shirt tucked in and he's like, "Yeah, he's funny. I don't know. I'll drop the truck." >> So, yeah. >> I [ __ ] love it. He's like just the Brooklyn black dude. Like, yeah, I don't know, man. Okay, we've got another one. >> Yeah. [music] >> This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Guys, if you could wake up tomorrow and be better at one thing, what would that one thing be? What would it be? I would be less I still get a little snippy sometimes. Just, you know what I mean? I'm holding a grudge. You know, you've heard my problems. I'll hold a grudge. It'll it'll fester. It'll come out sideways. Not about the thing I'm actually mad about. It'll it'll be about like what where's my gumh whatever. Um I have pretty real problems like gum. So that's kind of my biggest issue is just overall snippiness. Although it better than better than it's been, it's never perfect and you can always improve. My point is better is a feeling which is defined by you. And for better help, it's a better help therapist who really gets you. to focus on global emotional well-being with thousands of therapists and millions of members in its over 100 countries. It's progress for me. It's temperamental temperamentality punctual just better habits overall. But you know, whatever it's up to, whatever you want to get better at that therapy is a good way to do it. You know, I mean that. Sign up today and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/n. That's B t-he.com/nal l. Better help. Better help. You know what they are now? You're like, I maybe I should do it. Just do it. Do it. Better help. [bell] Superpower. What do I think of it? Great question. Okay, guys. I've been vegan a long time. People think forever. It feels like forever. It's almost 20 years. Thank you. Thanks for asking. And you know, sometimes I'll do supple heavy supplements. We'll leave it at that. And uh so you there's there's a couple reasons you got to get a blood test. And that's all expensive, right? It's way too expensive. You got to go to an official doc. You got to like go to the off. It's just it's way more trouble than it's worth. And then you got to get the you get you have they email you, then you have to call. It's just a nightmare. They call it concierge service, which is just a rich rich term, which anybody ever used the concierge in life? Um anyway, this is a concier service, but it's like for the rest of us kind of thing like Okay, so here's the thing with superpower. Either they'll send a licensed professional to your house like a or you can go to a nearby lab that's more convenient. They draw a little bit of blood and they they do all the tests. They screen you in a like very significant way like vitamins, minerals, LDL, all the stuff you're like, "Oh, what's that? I should look at that." this is that test. This is the test you should take. This is it. And then they'll give you a actionable health protocol based on your results. They'll they'll give uh supplement recommendations, prescription suggestions, uh which you can buy right through their app. So, it's like you don't have to go anywhere else. It's not a nightmare. You don't have it's on the app. It's not you don't have to go you don't have to drive to Santa Monica, which is what I have have had to do in the past. You don't got to do that. Um, they'll get your biological age. Um, I'm they tell me I'm uh 14. Uh, and it integrates your past medical history, old labs, and incorporates your family history like cancer or other hereditary risk if you tell them to in terms of like their protocol recommendations. It's good. It's not expensive in terms of how these things go normally. And it's like it's fair. It's economical. It's streamlined. It's efficient. You don't have to drive around. You don't have to check emails. You don't have to call the guy. You don't you don't have to then pay after like oh let me yeah bill it's just let me just do the call to action would you take control of your health with superpower for a limited time our listeners get 50% off their superpower membership so head over to superpower.com and use code ne for $50 off and as you sign up they'll ask you how you heard about superpower tell them Neil sent you to support the show I'm Neil superpower. It's good for real. >> These are all These are all like eating. >> Yeah, I like to eat. >> Here's one. So what if you're out of shape? >> So you don't So you thought that a person should be in shape? >> I regret how much I didn't take my shirt off and go swimming or go to the beach or just enjoy the outdoors because I was worried that my body wasn't great looking. And in reality, I look back to that and I go, "You were fine." Yeah. You should have been fine. You should have just gone to the beach, gone swimming more. There were like vacations where I was like, "Ah, I'll just chill." >> Ah, you know what? >> Yeah. And it's like, dude, take your shirt off, go swimming, like have fun. No one cares. No one cares as much as you think they care. No one car No one about >> anything. No one cares. >> No one's watching you, dude. >> At I I've said it before. I was like, "We're all I like you." >> Yeah. >> I have a relationship with you. >> Yeah. >> I I I I think about you absent-mindedly every so often, >> but not much. >> Yeah. That's what it is. It's like we're all just flying past each other's windshields. >> Can I also tell you that's also a problem that social media has done is you get angry at friends when you think they're not thinking of you and no one is thinking of you. It's like, stop being mad at your friends for not thinking of you. Well, you ever hear people talk about you on a podcast and you go, "What?" >> And you're But you're like, "I don't like this. >> I don't like this tone." >> We're overexposed to everybody. >> And that's not how humans are supposed to be. Humans are supposed to be like bumping into the grocery store being like, "Holy [ __ ] how the [ __ ] you do?" I saw Sean Patton last night. I haven't seen him in [ __ ] months. And there genuinely was a moment where I was like, "Fuck yeah. How are you?" >> Well, it we're all just files in each other's like >> That's it. in like the the the >> or shirts in a closet. >> We decid >> You're not mad at your other shirts. >> No, but you got Oh, [ __ ] Gray. >> Button down. >> I love gray button. >> What are you doing? >> Gray button. And it's >> You got a nice button. You I got a gray button down. It's got a white button. >> That's fantastic. >> I forgot about it and I saw it the other day. I was like, "Fucking gray button." when it gets cold out and you bump into an old hoodie >> and you go, "Motherfucker, I haven't seen you since February, >> you know what I mean? You put it on, you go, "This is [ __ ] great." That's what friendships are supposed to be. That's what it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be like, "Holy [ __ ] I haven't [ __ ] seen you. I was actually thinking about one of your bits the other day." And you go, "Oh, this is great." Whereas Instagram goes, "Why aren't you [ __ ] thinking of me? Why the [ __ ] I check my story? I'm not thinking about you. You put something out. I didn't post. I didn't promote your thing. Like, we're all mad at each other for not promoting each other's [ __ ] I don't [ __ ] >> This is politics. Yeah. And I need you [laughter] as a get in the comment section and stab people [laughter] >> and you go I'm taking a dump and I I like I've taken Instagram off my every morning I download it. I check my DMs. I post like about shows and I delete it off. And I've seen so many podcasts where people do that. I'm actually walking the walk. And I'll tell you right now, my anxiety is so much lower. My anger, >> everybody says it so much. >> Everybody says they're going to do it. Everybody, you just have to make it >> if you cannot download it at all. Cuz the good thing about Instagram, it's a garbage. It on desktop, it's garbage. >> Garbage. >> It's you can't even do certain stuff. >> No. You want to click any? >> Yeah. Like, but look, we can keep doing it this way. Maybe you want to download. It's like you're in a business meeting with your penis out. They're like, "What are you doing? [laughter] [ __ ] put it away. We're at a desk right now. Jesus Christ." And you go, "I like it like this. It's >> better. >> It's better for my mental health." Um, >> but it is it's uh for me what it is is >> I if I forget to download it or if I forget to erase it, I'm like, "Oh, [ __ ] you're still It's like killing a spider." You're like, "Get the [ __ ] out of here. >> It's on my third page." >> Yeah. And then I I it just because I was noticing especially when I was on planes and [ __ ] that I was just like sitting there for a second and then going through the same loop of going app to app to app and then I watched an old lady do it in front of me and it made me sick. Like physically made me be like I watched her drive her algorithm. She went Facebook, Twitter, Facebook. >> Tucker I Tucker clips, baby pictures. Twitter, her responding on like Etsy. >> She was responding >> commenting on a post on Etsy. And here's what flipped me. >> Flaming [ __ ] on. [laughter] >> It was just like watching her timeline. You were like, it was we were flying to Houston, uh, old white lady hair and you just saw her go on the Facebook Trump memes, Twitter. It was just like this and I went like, that [ __ ] me up. I was watching her while we were deplaning. I was watching her go through and I went, "Yo, that [ __ ] me up. I don't like" And then I noticed I was like, "I do the same cycle." I go, "Email, Instagram, uh, [ __ ] Reddit, Instagram, email, and it's like, what am I doing? Nothing's changing." >> I had a clip go do Well, >> yeah. >> I didn't know about it. >> Yeah. >> For it it was I didn't know about it for three weeks. >> How great is that? >> It was It was It was It's almost like finding money in your pocket. You're like, "Oh, I just made money on Facebook." >> Cuz those ones you checked that only have 949 likes and you go, "You [ __ ] >> how dare you?" >> You go, "That one really." I checked one where I go, "That was a banger. Let's check back." Oh, I'm sorry. What did I do? >> I shouldn't have Maybe I shouldn't have come here. [laughter] Maybe I shouldn't have posted. I got to post later. That's what it's >> wrong time of the day. >> Um, okay. So, you were you you thought Well, okay. Well, you're we're talking about being in shape. >> Sure. I believe that most of a man's value in attraction is it's all in our head. It's literally from the neck up. >> We get away with we get away with just neck up. That's it. Like women and women get away a lot some get away with just neck down. Like some women get away with just neck down. But >> but that's a lot more real estate than than what we >> we have. We can cover it up. We I I genuinely feel bad for women that they all it's always a reveal in a surprising way. Like most men know what kind of women like what bodies women have when you're seeing you go. I can tell by the clothes, how you're dressed. I can kind of tell what your body is. >> Level of com how entitled you are. >> Men, they go I don't know. It's just a mystery box. >> Yeah. the body, the penis, everything they're looking at, they go, I genuinely don't know. >> But we I guess their vagina is a mystery box. >> Yeah, but it's really like >> and length of butt crack. >> Length of butt crack. He's crazy. I never thought about that. Cuz sometimes you get a long butt crack and you go, "This is nuts." Did [laughter] you get extra butt crack? >> I would rather have a long one than a short one in a woman. >> Oh, well yeah, like a little alien butt. Oh, >> like uh you know they like photoshopped Yoko Ono's that picture of John Lennon and Yoko and they like made Yoko's butt like this big in your >> I mean two of the worst >> worst butts. >> Well, I mean just but naked an insult to nakedness. >> It's a great picture for me that always reminds me of remember Black Lives Matter when everyone put those black squares up and you go, "Oh, that did it." >> Yeah. >> Um there's a picture >> Black people haven't had a problem since. >> Oh, yeah. It's been [ __ ] smooth sailing for black people since. Um, there's a picture of John and Yoko when they were doing that like naked in bed protest and it's them waiting for the maid to make the bed and those [laughter] folding pillows. That picture to me every time I says more than anything they most perfect >> any song any good piece. >> Oh, you're done. >> Oh yeah. No, we got No, you left an ashtray. >> Can you make Can you make a towel into an elephant? >> Yeah. I wouldn't mind seeing I wouldn't mind coming and seeing a bird on >> the little chocolate. [laughter] You have a little chocolate. >> No, the milk one, not the dog one. >> Yeah. No, no, no. Yoko likes milk chocolate. Not dark chocolate. That's That's good for digestion. >> Yeah. So, women I don't think women care. Here's the other. Okay. So, so >> uh I think they do to I I I think they do to a certain extent. I don't think you can be like a sloppy piece of [ __ ] >> I think you can be like soft. Do you remember when no one believed women when they were saying they like dad mods? >> Do you remember when men just flat out were like, "You [ __ ] lying horse." >> They were telling the truth. I think what they meant is like >> they don't care as much. They don't care as much as we do. Like you can have a soft belly and like if you have good shoulders, you know what I mean? >> Women will key in on a hands or a wrist or a shoulder or a neck or an ear or like >> a weird a calf. >> We need a car off the lot. We need uh a brand new car from the factory. It's tight. It's never been driven. Zero mileage. Women will buy a used car. [snorts] >> I'm doing the union. >> Yeah. >> The smell. >> Women go, "What has that got on it? 40,000. >> Yeah, it's fine. >> Yeah, that's a good car. >> It's like, oh, it's a 2021." >> Yeah. >> Where men would go, I need a 2027. I'm not going to drive that. >> And women go, "Uh, 2021's like still nice. It's got Apple CarPlay >> there." But but my I think the bigger point is that for a woman, there is no 2027. All the guys that are really ripped are gay. >> Yeah, I know. Isn't that crazy? >> Did you see the look of satisfa? If you're listening to this, go on YouTube, watch the look of satisfaction on Sod's face when I said all the ripped guys are gay. >> Exactly. >> He really like he lit up. >> I went, yeah, they are. >> He really like >> because this is where the the lesson comes from because I always saw those guys and I was like, damn, they're just grabbing all the [ __ ] and then they go, they don't even kind of want it. Also, I I think part of this like I wish I knew was I wish I knew that my personality for most women is a lot better than abs. >> A lot. It's They don't Here's the other thing about abs. You know how [ __ ] boring people with abs are? You know how much what you have to do to get abs? Yeah. >> You have to just eat chicken. You have to do meal prep. >> Oh my god. >> On Sunday nights, babe. >> Yeah. and you have to work your abs an hour a day and you just start talking about your abs and the gym and meal prep and we got to go get food and I don't like this protein powder and I got to go to the bathroom. You know how I am and and like >> incredibly vain. >> Yeah. Yeah. And it is all surface level. >> Yes. Cuz then you go after that you go. That's the crazy part about nutting is [clears throat] you nut and you go I don't even care about like most of this. >> When they come to um repossess your car, you can't go babe, show them your abs. >> Do the thing. Do the John Bay style. [laughter] >> Do the slight turn. >> Uh-huh. The three quarter. Um I'll tell you what, Paris Hilton took the John Basau and ran with it. She did the John Baza on the three quarter. I mean she It's John Baztow >> the turn. You know what I'm talking about. I know exactly what you're talking about. >> He had that weird old man face but action figure body. >> Absolutely. >> It's the three You never turn directly to camera. You're always at three/ quarter show. >> You'd go like this and you go, "How many muscles does he have?" >> Wow. >> Shout out John Basau. >> Fitness celebrity John Basau. >> So they don't care. >> Yeah. >> And here's the other thing about But now, but you say that, but a woman's body I don't want to get too I don't want to park the car too long on this, but is is kind of important. And then I'm Do you agree? Yes. To a certain Yes. [laughter] I can't lie. I can't like I would just be [ __ ] straight up lying. It does matter. Yeah, >> it does matter. >> And we got a lot of nerve saying that it matters. >> We're not two guys that >> No, I'm actually in decent shape. Say it. Keep get away. >> I should not be saying this. >> Get Get your hands off me. >> This pile of marshmallows should not be saying this. But I think it's like that sounds bad face value. >> It sounds sexist, but it's just what it is. That's just what it is. It's We're >> I wish I could live in a house without air conditioning. >> Unfortunately, >> I need AC. >> The kid needs [laughter] AC. >> My kid needs AC. I just need like I love Katie more than anything. Absolutely. Even if we got like if she got big now, I would love her. And then But I would subtly drop gym hints. Maybe have a lot more celery dinners. >> Sure. >> You know, it would just be like a thing like that. But like did you see the thing with Pierce Brosman? His wife is bigger now. Yeah. She's like older and she's bigger. >> She's like 75. dragged her on the internet. Yeah. And Pice was like, "She's the mother of my four children." And like they're like, "Look how hot she used to be." And he's like, "Yeah, it's just like age." And like that's the appropriate thing. You just go like >> bodies are important to fall in love with to get you in the door. >> Once you're in the door, if you fall in love with someone, >> but Dan, I'm not I think Pierce Browson's wife is I don't I don't think that's a good example because she really she actually looks good to me. >> She does. She like >> she's thick. She's sick with a >> That's what I'm saying. But that's also getting older. >> Yes. Getting older is like also what does Pierce Brazen need as wife? It's like at this point >> Pierce Brazen is the Pierce Brazen of that relationship. >> Do you know what I mean? Like he's always been the trophy. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the hot one. >> He's He's always been a hot one. >> That's what he says. My wife's big. He goes, I'm hot. >> Guys, I' I've never I haven't seen my wife. I look in the mirror. I look at family photos. It's just a photo of me. >> He goes, I look in the mirror and I nut. I go, "Oh, >> oh, I'm >> I can't [ __ ] my wife. I already know it. >> I'm walking around in that. If you want a kid, you better collect some of this." Ah. Um, so if But I think there's a level of respect. I'm not directly talking to Katie. If she wants to take this message, >> she'll find you. >> You got to keep the the there's a level of respect for your partner. >> So, that is true. And she sees me go through that cuz I go like, I don't know. Like I had a moment recently where I was just really honest with her and I was like I feel [ __ ] gross with my shirt off and I don't want to be around you with my shirt off cuz I feel gross. And she was so sweet about it. She was and it's like that where she's like I got to go to the gym. This is this. But I still love like I'm like no I'll point out parts I go look at this though. Look at this ass you know and you go like I love this [ __ ] She got A GREAT ASS. GREAT ASS. >> YOU do stuff like that. That's what a relationship is where she'll be like okay. Like you know she like after I said that a week later she'll be like shoulders looking good. And you're like, "Yeah, thank you." >> You really do though, even though you don't want to admit it as a guy, you go like, "Huh?" >> I've been doing upright rows. >> I've been doing upright rows three times a week and I really >> Somebody notices. >> And also, I've been having less dessert. So, thank you. But it is like I wish >> for you to get to the gym. I have to get on an elevator. >> I just wish I knew that more like when I was younger cuz I would have just been like, "Dump in the pool." >> Yes. [screaming] And I'd also like to point out this is for both men and women. When you're having sex with somebody, you it's beyond a closeup. You're eating like this. >> Yeah, that's exactly right. >> You're not taking a picture of your food on video. It's sod's forcing his face into the table. >> You just go, "This is so [ __ ] good." And you go, "I'm I'm up in this match." >> Yeah. You're never You never get a wide. >> Can I tell you that was like when I first started having sex, that was like the thing that blew me away was like, I can't see anything. I'm just like [laughter] in this [ __ ] It's like the same way you feel like uh when you're like it's almost like karaoke where you go, "Oh, I I've never felt like this before." People that are comfortable doing >> say for the first time where you're like I I'm getting mauled by this experience. [laughter] >> I'm I'm getting mauled. >> That's the best way to put [ __ ] mauled by an experience >> or like a wave. That's what insect you're like, "Oh, I can't see any. You can't see any. You can't >> first five years of stand up is you going like this [gasps] and coming out of the water and you're like like trying to grab the side of like and that's why people that are like naturally good at this you like they just jump in and they're like just kick your legs >> like Chappelle's like just relax >> and you go No, you don't understand. >> It's hard. I got weird. >> Here's my opening line. My opening line. Look to the right. Look to the >> voices. I could do a voice. It's just [ __ ] brutal. That's sex, too. And that's another one of my points follows that, which [music] is >> guys, you know, uh I could go either way on on meals. Sometimes I sometimes I rhyme slow, sometimes I rhyme quick. I sometimes I don't mind a long meal. Other times I just want to like get it, but I do not like bad food. It bums me out. It makes me feel like I'm failing in life. And but I also don't want to wait a long time. And I don't want to pay a lot for this muffler as it were. 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And there's a 90-day money back guarantee. You said there's no risk other than just sending the stuff back. Yeah. Worst case scenario, you don't like it and you you get your money back. But over 91% of users report higher energy levels. Thousands of guys are feeling incredible results. Just check out the reviews on the website to see for yourself. Guys, you knew it was coming. Here's the call to action. Sit down. For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off for life, plus free shipping and three free gifts at mengo to mars.com. That's men go to mars.com for 50% off and three free gifts when you check out after you purchase. They will ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them we sent you blocks. I wish I knew, Neil. Whatever, Neil Brennan. Okay, [music] thanks. >> I wish I knew. Exercise is uncomfortable. Get comfortable with that. [screaming] >> Just exercise. >> Yeah, >> just exercise. Because you get your 40s and all of a sudden you start, it's the Louis joke. When he goes in, he goes, "Your ankle?" He goes, >> and the doctor, he brings me in, he shows me an X-ray in my ankle. He's like, "Yeah, your ankle's just uh just worn out." >> He's like, "You're 40. What do you want? Your ankle's fucked." >> Yeah. And you go, man, if I would have became comfortable just base level exercise. Yeah. Every day I go up, I do [ __ ] even if it's like I did 30 and I just ran for a little bit. Your body is so much in you. It's teeth health and body health. When you start hitting your 40s and 50s, you're like I wish in my >> Were you a tooth you took care of your teeth or No, >> no, not really. But I'm okay. I don't get a lot of like I smoked. I drank a lot, but I've always consistently >> You're also anorexic which really >> Yeah. just really that acid really the bile really built. Um but it was I I like just if I would have just became comfortable with a baseline of exercise I think >> you just did nothing >> for like years for like 23 to like 32. >> Yeah. >> Just like little to no exercise. Then in my 30s like 32 to like 38 I exercised every day. I ate right. all this stuff and then I saw the benefits and then after co I gave it up and now I'm back in it and I'm like I should have taken those four years off like [ __ ] hurts more my shoulder [ __ ] hurts in a way that I was like if I wouldn't have stopped I would have been okay >> and so you you feel like you can't get that time back. >> You can't get that time back. But now I know well [ __ ] imagine how I'm going to feel in 10 years. Imagine how I'm going to feel in 20 years. now do it. Cuz I'm thinking of like 53y old me, 63y old me being like, I'm glad I [ __ ] that. This is a lesson where now I'm going to pick it up cuz I am I'm like, you know, >> well, there is that thing of like as bad as you think you look now, it's the best you're ever going to look. This is the youngest you're ever going to be. >> Yeah. And you're going to look back at pictures and go, "Oh my god, I great." >> Yeah. >> So, and it's also like um that's what I'm doing it for is like because of like the premise of this podcast. Like I when I'm 53, I bet I would have been like, "Dude, I stuck with it. I stuck with [ __ ] exercise." >> How do you tell how would you have told yourself though? That's that's kind of the other part of the podcast. Like we all know what we're supposed to do, but how do you convince yourself? >> It's It's the way that I phrase. >> Have you convinced yourself of anything in your life? >> Uh yeah. I mean that I'm an alcoholic that like uh you know that I want to do standup. Yeah. >> There's a ton of stuff like I moved to New York City without I knew one person. Yeah. >> I just wanted to do standup and I convinced myself. I was like, "This is the route to go." >> Yeah. >> And [clears throat] it was >> because I was such a comedy fan and I was such into comedy that I had to move to New York and become completely immersed in it and kind of give your give up. I just gave up and gave in. I was like, "All right, well, I'm a waiter and I'm going to do standup at night." But there were little things. Uh, meeting you. I remember when I met you at [ __ ] uh Comedy Village in the West Village is when you started doing when you really started doing standup hard in like ' 07. >> Mhm. >> And you were just around. And I remember this lady was running a show and and she like was like told you there was a cover and I pulled her aside. I go, "That's [ __ ] Neil Brennan. It's like the co-creator of Chappelle Show." And then she act like she knew you. She was like, "Oh, Neil, come on in. You want to do a spot?" And I was like smoking a cigarette. I was like, "You [ __ ] lying ass bitch." >> I believed it. I believed it all. >> There were there were moments of like I remember the first time Chris Rock did a drop in set at Stand Up New York and just watching him walk by me as a comedy fan like in the flesh. I was like, "Holy [ __ ] that's [ __ ] Chris Rock." And you're like watching him work a bit. >> You and I I was actually thinking about this, too. You and I have this in common, which is like we're comedy fans. >> Sure. >> Almost to our detriment. >> Mhm. >> I thought very Yeah. I >> I have You talk about You'll talk about shows you were on. You talk about Shane show at Mass Square Garden like like and then so and I'm just like you were on the [ __ ] show too, dude. >> I know. But I was just so that lineup was so [ __ ] crazy to go. It went me chay at Louis Shane and I was like just as a comedy fan. >> Yeah. But Yeah. But like but you're on the show. >> I told Katie it felt like there was a it felt like being in the All-Star game when they used to have the unis or whatever and I'm looking over and just Jordan's just like at the top of the key with his hands on his knees and I'm like >> I'm running wing. >> Yeah. >> And Jordan's Yeah. Like you know what I mean? I'm with I feel like I was I mean there's plenty of people that think I'm cocky but like I think I was overly differential to people in comedy cuz no one is anymore. >> What do you mean like no one's >> I'm like still like I see Romano and I'm still like oh but meanwhile no one else gives a [ __ ] >> I think you're wrong. I think there's a lot of younger, >> not specifically about rape, but I'm saying >> Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, like younger, there are younger comics that really give a [ __ ] about this and they go like, "Dude, I [ __ ] I used to watch you do this." >> Yeah, there are a few, but it seemed like it used to be everyone and now it's a few. >> Well, what happened to comedy is we inherited all the MTV VJs and then we inherited all the people that were going to be DJs, but and then now we inherited all the social media influencers that agents go, you can make a [ __ ] ton of money if you just go say you're doing standup. Yep. you don't even have to do standup. So, we got all these people clogging the works. There's no like the real ones still give a [ __ ] The people that like love standup, they'll come up to you and be like, "I love standup. I love this bit." And they know it in the way that I when I [ __ ] in 2012 when I talked to Chappelle and Chappelle was like, "All right." And I was like, "And I know this bit and I know this bit." And he was like, "Okay." But it's also like with Louis with Burr with like uh you know, like like it how long I had to know David before I would stop bringing up >> stuff that he's done. Yeah. >> That you go just he just wants to be Dave. He doesn't want to be. But I love that. I >> Yeah. I found I I'm saying it like it's negative. It probably isn't. >> No, I think it's the definition of being lucky of of being able to do a thing that you love and still keeping your love >> Yeah, >> cuz you just go, "What am I going to complain about?" >> Yeah. >> Albany Funny Bone. Hell yeah. [ __ ] load me up four shows. This is so fun. I I'm eating a buffalo chicken salad and then I go do an hour and then I come back and just hang out and wait to do it again. [ __ ] rules. That's why I hate when these people are like this business is it's like there is really shitty parts of it. But if you get to do something you love, I don't know. You shouldn't you should try to hold on to that >> and you Yeah, I you were you've always been like that and you never so I'm I tried to sell you on it being negative that you should have learned and you and you >> No, I would fight I would fight tooth and nail to say like >> it also but but a lesson you should learn >> is that your heroes are people >> is that her like the people you look up to that you like you can love comedy. >> Yeah. >> These are just guys. >> Yeah. >> And you're going to see that. >> How do they become your hero? What's the thing? cuz I'm with you. Yeah, I know. It's just hard for me personally and I that's what I'm I think I was getting at is like >> it's hard for me personally not to project. >> There's a line in the in that I've never in a book I've never read Porsche Dorian Gray. He looks so good he must be good. >> Yes, it's exactly. >> He he [laughter] think about that with athletics. Think about that with music. Think about that with uh acting. Yeah. Think about that with anything. When someone's phenomenal at something, you just go like, I want you to be phenomenal at everything now. And by the way, >> say hi to me. >> And I'm just and I want you to love me. >> But there was a moment where like, you know, and this is why I think every comedian should be in therapy. I think every comedian should be in therapy and not look at it as like >> BetterHelp. >> Yeah. betterhelp.com. Um, this sponsored by BetterHel. Uh Neil, >> if if you look at it differently, like if you were a wide receiver in the NFL, I would assume you have an athletic trainer. I would assume someone warms up your legs, you work on your knees, plyometrics, you keep yourself flexible so that you can be successful at football. That's what a therapist does for your brain. Just keeps you pliable, keeps you not insane, and it keeps you to where you go, like where you start learning about [ __ ] And what I learned, one of my most valuable lessons I've learned in the last 5 years is that heroes are just people. You've put the shadow on them. You've put them up there. You know what I mean? Like when I realize that Burr and Louis and Chappelle and Seinfeld and Rock and all, they're just guys. >> Yeah. >> They're just guys that have lives and sometimes their exceptionalism has made their life complicated. Mhm. >> So people like me who's just like a fan, they have no I'm not It's what we're talking about about your friends. They don't [ __ ] see me. They just go, "Excuse me, excuse me. I've got a lot of people that want to talk to me. Everyone wants to be my best friend." >> Yeah. >> And so you go, "Oh, that's you know." >> Yeah. >> There's guys. >> There's something comforting about just like mythologizing people in certain >> You know what it does? It makes it clean. >> Yeah. you go and and the only reason I know this is because that was one of the that was my relationship with my father who left and I was like oh this guy is the man he just had a bad run or whatever and then you go oh and then I get older and I go like >> just put out a bad Netflix special >> yeah dude whatever man but then you get older and you go he's a piece of [ __ ] he didn't want to be in my life I just was projecting that because it was easier than dealing with the fact of like this guy's an [ __ ] >> that's what a lot of heroes are you this guy's kind of an [ __ ] you can also catch a guy on a bad Hey, there's a bad net. You know what I mean? It's just like >> or or they're an [ __ ] and they're great at comedy. That's >> or they're an [ __ ] >> More than likely what it is. >> How did you How did you What do you think of your dad now? Like, how do you think of that? >> I don't uh I don't I It taught me to let go in a lot of ways. It taught me how to like let go of like, well, that guy's never going to be that guy. He sucked. Deal with it. It was crazy because when I was working when I was talking about it in therapy, the the thing that we kept talking about was like my therapist was like your father rejected you. Like your father rejected you and you go like dude I couldn't even [ __ ] say it. I couldn't not in a way of like I'm going to cry in a way of like I couldn't think of the word when I'd go yeah we I like talking to Katie about it and I go yeah he said like my dad um my dad want to be and then like I was like dude my own brain is like brother this hurts please don't let me let this in. And you go, "Hey, my dad rejected me." And you go, "That's what he did." And by the way, then I found out that's what he did to my sister, too. So, it was like, "Oh, he this [ __ ] just didn't want to be around. He just didn't want to have kids. He just had a kid." I was like, "Shit, all right, I'll wait a couple years and I'll dip." And then it's like you I needed to know that. So, I treated Louis accordingly. You know what I mean? If that makes any sense. Yeah. where I go, "Oh, my issues with wanting Louisie to like me or wanting Chappelle to like me? I I want my dad to like me. I don't give a Because once you see that and the scales from your eyes drop, you go, I don't give a [ __ ] about this guy from Boston that did comedy." Well, yeah. He's a guy. He's just a You know what I mean? Like, I care about my dad. I don't care about Chris Rock being a dick to me. He should be a dick to me. I don't He don't know me a goddamn thing. But, but it hurt when I still had him on. There's also that thing of like if >> Yeah. There's so much worse [ __ ] to do to somebody than be indifferent to them at at when you see them at the comedy club. >> Yeah. Like abandoning your child. It's like way worse. >> Yeah. >> Like And you know what's funny is there was a moment and this is crazy that I'm telling you the story to you, but I was at a thing and Chappelle was drunk and I it like hit me with a wave of like, yo, this is how it felt when I used to be around my dad and he'd be drunk. And then I'm like, why am I feeling this towards a black dude who's clearly not my dad and I don't know ever know? And you just go, oh, I got to go clean up my own [ __ ] And now I see it. I go, yeah, he's a [ __ ] guy. He's just a guy. He's just a guy that's >> He's like two, we just two atoms that bump into each other. >> That's [ __ ] it. They don't owe me a goddamn thing, and I don't owe them a goddamn thing. So, you're just >> Okay, I I don't know why. I can't relate to any of this Dave stuff. Um uh the uh but how this is my whole problem with life now which is like okay what do I take personally in life from people that know you it's like people that know you if my mom >> what if it is Dave >> then take it personally by the way you've known each other since you were 17. No, but that's what I mean. Like >> it's different for me and you. He is a he is a he is a face on Mount Rushmore for me. >> That's like me walking up to Mount Rushmore and being like, Thomas Jefferson, >> why are you mean to me? Yeah, >> you stop being mean to me. He's Dave to you. It's the way that Nate is Nate to me and Shane is Shane to me. >> They're both on my Mount Rushmore. >> Yeah, I mean they should. They're [ __ ] two of the best. >> They're [laughter] great. >> But it really is like that's why I'm seeing it now. Shane's my [ __ ] dog. >> No, I get it. I guess if they were if Nate was mean to me, right? >> I'm going to take that personally. >> Yeah. >> Take personal what is personal? >> Yeah. Yes. >> Cuz a lot of it is >> what if the but okay. So should you have taken your dad personally cuz it's more >> that's a great question because I would the answer >> a lot closer to my you know what I mean? >> I would answer that no I shouldn't have I shouldn't have taken it personally because what I found out was he did it to my sister. When I found out that my sister was 12 years older than me, he left her when he was like 22 years old or whatever. >> He had me when >> you let Okay, you let that one slide. You He's a young guy. >> He got I got He's in the Navy. >> 22. He's in the What do you want? [laughter] What do you want? This guy's getting [ __ ] whipped out. >> How old was he with you? >> 34. >> Yeah. >> And then he left when I was when he was 40. So around my age, you know, I'm 43 right now. And you go, >> "Yeah." All right. Why Why did I take that so personally? I mean, I took it down to my soul. I took it down to my soul that I'm not worthy of it. That I'm not like, what did I do wrong? I was I was a [ __ ] six-year-old kid. How are you looking at a six-year-old going, >> "Yeah, that ain't going to work out. I got to get out of here." So, what actually what happened was is when my grandmother was dying, we were cleaning out her storage unit and I went through this like random bag and I found a letter that my sister wrote to my dad uh before he had died and it was like a very >> When did When did this happen? 90. Uh, I mean, I found the letter in 2023, 2022. >> But I found this letter and it was basically my sister writing to my dad being like, "Hey, I don't know you." Because at this point, she was 28, I want to say, and he had last seen her when she was 16. And she was like, "Hey, I don't know you." And that kind of sucks. Like, I wish I knew my dad. And so, here it is. This is my last chance. Like, please be in my life. And then the the back half of the letter was like a four-page letter. The last two pages were her going, "Also, you should be in Dan's life. He like loves you. He like He's 12 years old. He thinks you [ __ ] the sun rises and sets. He thinks you're He was He was like the funny >> Had you had your drunk thing with Dave yet?" >> So you could really >> Oh, no. I mean, comprehend this. How As you're reading this, are you like shaking? What are you doing? >> Are you like >> You know what it was? I read it and it it uh it made me cry when I was reading it because it was my sister standing up for me. It was my sister going like, "Fuck that dude. This is a good kid. Like, he's a good kid and he loves you." Because, you know, uh and stuff I've talked about before on a podcast or whatever. That was a really hard time in my life where my mom and her boyfriend were kind of off in their own world and I was really alone. And my sister was the only she was a cool older lady that had came into my life. She was in her 20s. So she was telling me albums to listen to and she knew I love standup so she would like feed that and be like yeah like uh South Park she would like yeah >> all the [ __ ] that I liked she would like really encourage. But I was reading that letter and I was like damn dude Michelle really [ __ ] went to bat for me. And then the thought was like >> oh he did it to her too. Yeah. >> She's feeling the same pain I'm feeling. And now I'm realizing this guy doesn't give a [ __ ] This guy's just going like yeah what? All right. Another kid man ain't around. cuz I watched him because I gave him that letter cuz her and I had a relationship. So I visited him when I was 12 and I gave him that letter and then what he doesn't know is it was in my grandma's townhouse. >> You'd given him the letter >> from Michelle. I said Michelle wrote the letter and then you didn't know what it said. >> I didn't know what it said but I watched him read the first page cinematic >> and then I I know and then I watched him tuck the letter away and I watched him read the first page and then put the letter away. So, I don't know if you ever read the full thing, but then when I found that letter, when I was I was like, "Yo, I remember this [ __ ] but I never know what it read." And like my grandma was like out of it. She's on the couch and I'm just like reading this [ __ ] crying and she's just like, "The Warriors look good cuz we're in San Francisco." And I'm just like, "Yeah, yeah, I think Clay's got his shot back." And it's like, it was it was just like, but it was a moment where that led me to realizing like, "What about Fesus A's?" [laughter] Yeah. go. The Giants really could use a catcher. Um cuz my grandma and I always just talked about sports. So it was like funny to have this like incredible >> Okay, but the it's a it's a odd It's I It's right, but it's you can't take your parents personally. >> That dude. So that's something that I'm learning right now in my 40s is that like damn my mom did a great job and I took a lot of that [ __ ] personally and if I didn't take it personally we have a great relationship >> right >> but it's because >> you have to take the good [ __ ] personally but not the bad [ __ ] the bad [ __ ] what you have to do is you have to understand it might be circumstantial the bad [ __ ] that you go oh my [ __ ] parents did X Y and Z you go well your parents were going through AB and C so you didn't realize X Y and Z was a reason because your parents were going through A My mom used to be so [ __ ] strict with money. Like like anything I wanted a $5 action figure, my mom would be like, "You have to buy it." >> I You know what's funny is I think about your mom more than you. >> Yeah. Hell yeah. >> I think about your mom because uh because my I'm now I'm like very involved, but like my girl, >> she has a kid. >> Yeah. And I I watch her do it alone and I'm like >> I think about and not like it's the only single mom, but I think about >> sure >> your mom and you being a latch key kid and doing stuff and like it's so [ __ ] hard to be a single mom. It's I called my mom and apologized. She I mean she was basically a single mom anyway cuz my dad was an [ __ ] But like >> sure >> I didn't know what it was. Yo, dude. >> So, I think about how hard and then >> dude, my mom used to drop me off at daycare, drive her car to this parking lot, take a bus to the Denver Tech Center, work [ __ ] 70 hours a week, and then I would go to an after school program with a bunch of other [ __ ] kids, kid jail, and then my mom would come and get me at like 6:30 p.m., take me home, cook me dinner, make sure I did my homework, >> and to be somewhat left. >> And I'm going like this. But she drank. Of course she [ __ ] drank. Of course she drank. I'm glad she drank. Good for you. And by the way, guess who did learn how to make her a southern cover of Manhattan on the rocks? >> The kid. >> Yeah. By the time I was like 10, dude. Cuz I knew I was a bad student if I had that drink. I'd be like, "I made you a drink." And she'd be like, [laughter] >> and I'd be like, >> "So >> I got in school suspension." >> So >> So uh I said a thing that I thought was funny. >> Anyhow, uh >> let's have you another one. I make her another one. I go shaking it go. So, um I'm going to be uh I'm going to be held back in 8th grade. [music] >> Look, I'm not going to lie to you guys. I don't drink a ton, but when I I drink a every once in a while and and I do do other stuff that would deplete you in a similar way as drinking would. There's a new product that is pretty crazy and pretty great and it's called pre-alcohol by Ziotics. Let me tell you all about it. 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It's like don't take it personally. It's like but you're telling me to take good [ __ ] if I do something good. It's like cuz you're amazing. But if something bad happens, it's like that was circumstance. What are we talking? >> But I really do think if you realize it's all your own [ __ ] projected onto people, >> that's something I really wish I would have known is life is learning how to handle how other people make you feel [screaming] >> and is >> but it's all it's okay. >> Most of the time it's not it's not because someone comes in and pinches your nipple and you go the rest of the day you go, "Oh, pinch my nipple." Someone goes, "I don't know, man. That blue shirt's like kind of gay or whatever." Anyway, then you go, "Well, why' that make me feel bad?" >> Yeah. It's not anything they actually did. It's like what they got out of you that you're like now I [ __ ] feel bad. >> Yeah. >> And that if you learn how to deal with that, like learning how to like not be mad at the guy, it hurts >> cuz the car is late. That's I'm not taking that. That's like fine, whatever. >> Yeah. >> We're in this. And you go I cuz I've learned how to deal with it. Cuz back >> Didn't you get the feeling you were supposed to take it everything personally though? >> That's what marketing is. That's what that's how businesses operate. >> It is. because they're supposed to be like, "You're the number one consumer, you're the best, you're we treat you great." You go, "But you don't." >> Yeah. >> So, don't take it personally. >> But e but Pinter That's the problem is we are social animals, right? >> That's why we're being broken right now. >> No, I'm not talking about marketing. I'm talking about >> I'm saying social media, the nipple pinching. >> If somebody pinched your nipple and then the rest of your day you're like, "Oh, oh, what's wrong? Somebody pinched my nipple four hours ago." I I thought I don't know. I thought that was the way we were supposed to be. >> I think >> I I it's not obviously you're it's again >> this is a conversation where I I I probably am wrong on all levels about that because I just was so like you're you're talking about things that you wish you knew. >> Tell me tell me something that happened that you reacted one way 10 years ago and how you would how you react now. >> Hurts. >> Okay. >> I remember uh years ago I used to go to Enterprise all the time. Enterprise was like, "We don't have a car." And I [ __ ] flipped my [ __ ] Cuz at first it was funny. I was like, "The Seinfeld thing." Oh, you could take the reservation. You can't hold the reservation. >> Unfortunately, we ran out of cars. >> But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation. >> I know why we have reservations. >> I don't think you do. >> And then it goes like, "Fuck you, man. I'm going to be late. Like, what the [ __ ] Do something. I gave you money. Do something." And the guy goes, "This is all I did." And I'm like, "Fuck you." And I'm like being I remember that like being like shitty to a guy. And then I leave and an hour later I'm like I everything worked out. I really didn't need to get that mad about it. >> There are so few things that I'm glad I lost my temper over. I mean I I can't really Yeah. I I could I if I >> The only time it's worth it is when you have a fight with your girlfriend or wife and then uh >> you use it to you get to the you get to wounded sooner than she does. I think that's the key with fighting. Get to the most level of wounded you could get to and weaponize your wound against them and then she has to top your wound. >> But when you're making up, that's the best part where you just go like, "Hey, I got really mad and I shouldn't have got mad." She goes, "Yeah, I got mad, too." And you go, "Right." Like that moment where you go, "How g how gay are we? We got so gay at each other." Yeah. But it is just like >> I took too much [ __ ] personal. That's why this whole deleting Instagram thing, it's like all these comics want to be like, "Don't read the comments. Don't read the comments." Well, you shouldn't read the comments. That's for them. That's for the fans. You made the thing. You put it out. You shouldn't be in the comment section, >> right? >> It's crazy. >> Well, you're just asking for trouble. >> Yeah. >> Just you're you're I mean, that's an obvious one of like, why do you need to go in the what if you've healed? That was the question I asked myself. I go, why am I what are you looking for? cuz there's never going to be the comment that goes, "Well, that's it. He's the best. I love him." Cuz even you read that, you go, "Fucking liar. >> [ __ ] idiot." >> And then they go, "I don't like the way his hand shook." And you go, [sighs and gasps] "Do I have Parkinson's?" It's like something where you just like all of a sudden now I'm on a I'm on a thing. And by the way, for any comics watching this, >> none of the people I know, none of the people that talk [ __ ] to you will buy tickets to your show. >> They don't. >> And if they do, they're not going to walk up to you and go, "Fuck you." They don't know that they said it. >> Yeah, >> that's the other thing about comments is like they don't remember. They just go, "My kid's crying. I'm ignor I'm whatever." >> And this leads me to the thing of like >> I work at Herz. I work at Enterprise. I'm all the things. >> The Herz thing. The guy probably doesn't even realize it. >> No, he doesn't know. He doesn't You're just a warm B. You're like a predator body. >> No, I'm just the [ __ ] Nissan rogue that he he rented out. Oh, and then I got a Camry. I got a family of four that doesn't speak English. I got to get them a Camry. >> Yes. >> That's what it is. That's why you don't take it personally. You just go like, "Oh, fuck." >> Yeah. Someone's up next. Don't move on. >> Yeah. Everyone's going to move on. What? Okay. Your dad's going to move on. I mean, I Your mom's going to like How much should I invest in relationships and outcomes? [laughter] >> I think it should be how you feel, how it makes you feel, and what you contribute to it. Because honestly, I'd never been in a like a very very healthy relationship until this one. And now I see all the benefits. >> I mean it >> and I go >> I mean Katie I mean >> like all of I'm just like >> Shane I mean >> my friendships I I genuinely do it where I'm like am I being myself? >> That's like the biggest thing. I'm like am I actually being myself? >> Because once you find people around you that you can be yourself around everything else just makes a lot more sense. You just go like this is the taking it's the it's the the uh personal version of taking your shirt off. You go I'm just going to be myself and they go great. It's like you're yourself. I love that. >> And you how do you handle the rejection when you when it when it happens? >> It hurts a little but it's like stubbing your toe. Do you stub your toe and you walk around thinking about it for 5 hours? You stub your toe and you go [ __ ] And then you go ah [ __ ] And then a little later you go that was sore. You know what I do with bombs? I bombed at the seller a couple weeks ago and I came home and you know K's on the couch watch TV and I'm like I [ __ ] bombed and she goes wasn't that part of it and I go [ __ ] yeah you know what I mean and then I like come back out I go yeah I was >> you need to go to the gym [laughter] >> but I was like and but then I woke up the next morning and she was like getting ready for work and I jokingly go I bombed so bad last night and she goes no one knows and I was like yeah you're right no one [ __ ] gives a [ __ ] it's a stub toe >> by the way you don't know by 11:30 30. >> No. >> You're like, "Huh?" >> Yeah. You go, "Ah, [ __ ] I wish that Batman joke worked better." But it is. It's like I don't know, man. I just am like tired of uh creating monsters in my head that aren't real. I'm tired of being scared of the basement every time I look at my phone of like, "Oh, I'm in the basement. It's cold. It's unfinished. What's around the corner?" >> You But you're talking about social media and anything >> in my brain. >> Yeah. >> Your brain's the cold basement. >> Yeah. >> You just go in the basement. You go like, "There's monsters down here." You're like, "This house is built in 1978. There's no ghosts. It was a plot of land." It's like, you're not >> in a haunted house. >> Yeah. >> You could watch a scary movie and go like, "My house It's not. Your house isn't haunted." >> So, what you're saying is don't take your thoughts seriously. >> Yes. >> Or don't don't let them understand that there's a shadow to your thoughts and most of the time you're looking at the shadow. >> Most like most of the time you see a shadow and you go, "Holy [ __ ] that's 20 feet tall." Oh, and then you follow the shadow to your thought and you go, "That's actually not that bad." >> Yeah. >> You go, "Oh, it's [ __ ] >> Give me an example." >> Like, uh, [ __ ] I'll tell you right now, you do like a I did a clip with like Ron Bennington and someone was like, "Uh, look at Soda annoys me." And I'm like, "This guy [ __ ] hates me." It was one guy and I happened to see it. And then you see it and you go, "He doesn't even follow me. The guy doesn't even like me." Yeah. Who cares? He's just He was just passing by. You know what it is? You You ever drive by somebody and you see something, right? and you like whoever you're with, you say something, you go, "That guy's having a [ __ ] bad day and they go," you know, you like laugh about it. That's all internet comments are. >> People are just driving by and they're going like, "This guy sucks." And then you're going, "That guy thinks I suck. He's [ __ ] >> Well, that I think that's the issue is we're not supposed to hear what anyone thinks of you." >> Well, yeah. >> No, no. Think about all of human history. >> Sure. When would you have ever known any negative things about you unless you were like Ben Franklin? >> But it was Yeah. [laughter] Also, it was like those are always in the movies where like the king puts on a hood and he's like, "I don't like the king." And he's like, "Oh, the people talk about me." You know, it's like >> Yeah, the king. People were talking about the king. >> Yeah. You're not supposed to know that. >> Yeah. Like that was the there was a guy or two. >> That's why I think we need to go back to not having [ __ ] charming politicians. We need nerds. We don't need I don't need people I like. I need people that know policy. I need people that go, "Actually, if we take this much money, we'll save this much money on roads and then we could do this with hospitals." I don't need a guy that's like, "What are you eating? What are you reading?" >> Yeah. I'm going to have a beer with him. You're not legally allowed to have a beer with him. You're never going to get near him. >> Don't Yeah. They'll kill you if you try to have a beer with them. >> Yeah. Don't try. >> But I don't want that. I don't want a guy that goes, "I like him. I don't want to like you, [ __ ] You work for me." >> I know. But the issue is it's charisma beats everything. Just like a face, a man's face. Yeah. >> Beats his body. >> Yes. And >> if you got charisma, that's tits. >> Yes. So that that is foreign policy. Charisma. I mean, basically it really it has to be unfortunately. So you just have to hope that like you end up with an Obama or somebody that's like reasonable. >> And I'm also fine being what I've the last lesson that I've really uh made my life a lot more enjoyable. I don't know a lot of stuff and that's okay. Like [screaming] stuff on this podcast, people could see this and go, "You were absolutely wrong about that." Maybe. And it >> What are we going to do? >> When I was younger, I would be like, "I need to fix this. I I'll [ __ ] call Neil. Neil, can you edit this out? I said something that was wrong." And you go, now you're like, "Oh, I learned. I learned." >> Or not. >> But more than likely, I kind of go, "All right, my bad. Let's just bring back my bad. My bad. >> Yeah. I just Yeah. What what's going to happen? >> Because there is no with the loss of the industry, with the loss of like this idealistic version of politicians and leaders and stuff, there's no more adults in the room. So now people are looking at podcasts going, "You said that wrong." And you go, "Yeah, yeah. Why are you mad at me for saying it? I'm [ __ ] I'm just >> I worked at Bed Bath and Beyond. >> Shout out." >> And by the way, the company is absolved. So you can't come for me for that [ __ ] >> It's not absol It's dissolved. >> Dissolved. >> That's where you need to fix. I'm going to edit that. We're going to edit that for >> I'm not No, I'm leaving it in to [ __ ] teach you a lesson. >> And by the way, the companies absolve companies absolves. Absolves. Absolve. >> Does sugar absolve in water? You [ __ ] [ __ ] [snorts] >> Um, [laughter] yeah, you're right. Um, and uh, happier than ever, more or less. Absolutely. Are you smoking a lot of weed still? >> Yeah. >> Great. >> Still happy though. >> I know I've got to tackle that. I'm in my mid-40s. The words are starting to disappear. So, I need to start. >> You know about that scroming thing? >> What? >> I don't that a lot of like there's a lot of emergency room people that smoke too much weed are screaming and vomiting. It's the funniest worst thing >> that could happen to a stone person. >> Screaming and vomiting at the same time. >> Because I'm a lifelong pthead. I've been smoking weed daily since I was 15. I don't like strong weed. M >> I want like 19% THC and I want to smoke. >> Can you control it? >> You kind of can, right? >> Not as much as I wish I could, >> but meaning like you can buy weaker. >> Oh yeah. >> And then this is what I carry around. It's a one hitter. It's a >> harmonica. >> It's a bat in a dugout. This is what old stoners. So this is the amount of weed I smoke is that amount. And I just dip it. I take a hit once or twice during the day. I'm a little high, but I'm not smoking blunts and bong rips and [ __ ] You know what I mean? Because you see those people, you go, "Those guys are smoking a lot of weed." I just am like I know how much I need and I don't need it a lot. >> Yeah. >> Cuz my adult brain when it gets upset, I go like, "What am I doing? You're smoking." You know what I mean? >> Moderation. >> Yes. If you can If you can >> If you can do it. >> Can you? >> I don't know. [snorts] I genuinely don't know. Does it do you go Are there days where you hit it six times? >> Oh my god. Oh my [laughter] god. >> So the one or two times was a lie. >> Yeah. No, that's weekdays and then like if I'm home on a weekend, >> no shows. >> No shows. I'll fight till like noon and then I'll be like I'll smoke a [ __ ] big ass joint. >> It's all you're thinking about until noon. >> No, but it is a thing where I go. >> You're thinking about that bomb you took. >> Oh, I still think about that. [ __ ] yeah. >> What room? Seller McDougall. >> I took a [ __ ] hot one. >> I mean, you're talking to the right guy. >> Just nothing. >> Where you think you did them wrong? >> Yeah. Where I go, did I say it? Did I miss a sentence? And then I came home and I went through the set list with Katie and she goes, "All those jokes." [laughter] And I was like, I know. I [ __ ] know. >> Um, Soder, you came, you did this is why we wanted you. I appreciate >> me and my team. It's just me. Yeah. and my team. >> Um, and uh, and you you were on premise. You found new stuff that you hadn't you weren't talking about. >> Still brought up my dead dad, which got to >> got to bring that up. >> Um, Chappelle, you brought me into it. >> I had to. >> You really connected me. I I was [ __ ] totally spaced out. He said, "Dave, >> I'm like a dog when he hears treats." >> Yeah. Pathovia, dude. >> Um, and uh, and the He's got a Netflix, guys. It's coming out in >> 2027. 2027 >> as they told me quarter one >> Q1 >> Q1 of 2027 >> uh he's the great Dan Soder follow him look at him don't and comment but [music] don't but >> but I won't read it >> he probably I will [music] >> all you have to Les open. Open up your hand, [music] mama.