Video summary
Craig Ferguson opens the conversation by admitting that parenting is a complicated and often overwhelming experience, particularly when viewed through the lens of his own journey as a recovering addict who has since become a father to two sons aged fifteen and twenty-five. He reflects on the shift in identity that comes with parenthood, noting that he no longer feels like the main character in his own life story but rather a supporting actor in someone else's. This transformation is vividly illustrated by an anecdote where a young woman looks at his son instead of him, signaling to Ferguson that he has transitioned from being the "star" to a secondary figure, a reality that can be emotionally challenging yet ultimately accepted as part of the parental role.
The discussion also delves into the nature of modern parenting and the extent of a parent's influence on their child's development, touching upon the age-old debate between nature and nurture. Ferguson acknowledges that while contemporary society often believes parents can mold their children's futures through various methods, he views his primary responsibility as providing basic necessities like safety, food, cleanliness, and protection from fear rather than trying to fundamentally alter who his children are. He admits that some aspects of parenting feel outdated or based on old ideas, such as the historical acceptance of physical discipline, which he firmly rejects in favor of a non-violent approach, even recounting an incident where his older son physically corrected him, highlighting the complex dynamics of guidance and respect within the family unit.
Ultimately, Ferguson concludes that parenting is an enormous endeavor with many different aspects that can feel overwhelming, yet it remains a choice rather than an obligation for everyone. He emphasizes that there is no single correct way to raise children, as different people hold different ideas about moral guidance and daily interactions, ranging from simple instructions like not pooping on the floor to broader discussions about music and values. While he recognizes that many people do not choose to have children because they wish their lives to remain solely about themselves, Ferguson respects that decision while affirming his own path, suggesting that the experience is unique to each individual and that one must simply navigate the ride as it comes without expecting to control every outcome.
Read the full video transcript
How are you as a dad?
>> You're asking the [laughter] wrong guy.
>> Well, what do you think? And do you
think you did a good
>> best. I I I I I hope I'm a good dad. Are
you a dad?
>> Uh getting there.
It's complicated. It's complicated.
>> Okay. Okay. Oh, so you can ask me the
deepest
>> Yeah, I I you're I I
I pay for the studio time. So, I ask the
question I ask the questions here.
>> Um that's
>> I'm not jumping in then. Is $7,000 an
hour too much?
>> No, not for me, buddy.
>> [laughter]
>> Um so so yeah, like how about husband?
How about Did you get meet your wife
after you got sober? Are you
>> I actually got married and divorced
sober.
>> Oh.
>> I got married again sober.
>> Great. So, you relapsed twice.
>> most of my life has been sober. So, I I
mean it's a I How am I as a husband? I I
I hope I'm a good one.
>> Uh yeah.
>> Try to be. Um
I
um
a father?
It's really I like I like being a
father.
>> A total of how many?
>> I two two boys. And I
>> 25 and
>> 25 and 15.
>> Great.
>> Scottish people every 10 years. Like the
big orchids in the jungle. You know,
they just And then everybody gets
pregnant.
>> Great.
>> I mean if I go off now, then you'll be a
father.
>> Great.
>> And a mother.
>> I I don't even know what's happening.
>> [laughter]
>> Um and and
are you better from the 25 to the
15-year-old or is it you just with kids
you just have to like it it's another
thing where you it's it's a horse that
you're just riding.
>> Yeah, no, it's the they're
they're them. They're their people. I'm
not
I'm not under any illusion that they
belong to me.
>> How much guiding can you do? Do you feel
like it's like supervising a
cuz I wonder about that. I wonder
in terms of child rearing.
>> This is on your mind. Do you really is
coming up for you?
>> Well, no, it I I I I thinking about it
today. Um
I I just think about what how much I
I've had friends say my kid came out
fully formed. Like it's that kid is the
the 23-year-old you see today. He was
like that from the our daughter is from
the minute I saw them.
And and is it can you affect it? You
know what I mean? Like
>> know. I mean
>> Because it's nature or nurture. I don't
know. Yeah, modern parenting really
seems to think they're going to affect
it.
>> Modern A lot of modern thought isn't
that modern and isn't that great.
Uh, I
but most of it isn't that modern. That's
the most of of all of it. I become from
>> When you say not modern, what do you
mean?
>> Well,
>> It's in based on an old idea?
>> Everything's an old idea. Get you know,
it's like the
pretty much from
>> Pop psychology as
is
at this level's pretty new, though.
>> I think it's new in the way that
McDonald's and Burger King are new, but
food has been around for a long time.
It's
a different way of getting it and some
of it
ain't that ain't that good, but you
know, still quite tasty in places.
>> What about the legality of hitting kids?
That seems to be like that was accepted.
That was the the thing.
>> Yeah, that was out of [ __ ] line.
Yeah, it's terrible.
>> So the the idea of not hitting them is
clearly I don't think that I don't think
that's an I don't think that's a old
thought.
>> No, no, that's pretty new. You're right.
And uh
Yeah, cuz I think I grew up when that
was it was still okay to hit kids, but
uh but I it's not okay with me. I I
don't I don't and wouldn't
hit my kids.
>> Um
>> Actually, the older one I actually
posted on Facebook now they'd knock me
in my ass.
>> Yeah. And and and so it's you're almost
like
a supervisor. How did you see it? Do you
see it as like you can really mold these
kids? Do you
did you have the Peter LaSalles moments
with them? Cuz it that like hey, look.
>> No, I don't I don't I don't
>> Listen here. I see
>> No, I don't think that's what
>> For me anyway my take on it was
keep you safe and keep you fed and keep
you clean and keep you from being
scared.
>> Moral guidance?
Yeah, yeah I guess. This is what I
think, you know, but other people have
different ideas. I mean yeah moral
guidance of course. Don't do that. You
have a stop it.
Don't poop on the floor.
>> For instance.
>> That's that's daddy's thing.
>> [laughter]
>> But
The yeah I mean you it's [laughter]
it's too big a thing. I mean it's it's
not like I don't think there's a one
thing you can say about it. It's like so
what about music?
Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> You know it's enormous.
It's there's so many different aspects
on it. It's overwhelming. It's
different. It's
I think the one thing I do remember
about it thinking it and I still think
this is true.
The when you become a parent when I
became a parent I don't know if this is
the same way for everybody cuz I'm not
everybody I'm me. But
when I became a parent I feel like I
went from being the star
in the movie of my life to a supporting
artist in the movie of someone else's
life.
>> Yeah.
>> And
there was one day I was standing
This is quite a long time ago. I was
standing at say Gelson's and in LA and
I was with my oldest son who was about
15 at the time and this young woman
walked by and she looked at him and I
saw them looking at each other and then
they went away. It was nothing there was
nothing in it just two young people
looking at each other and then she went
away and I realized that she didn't she
hadn't seen
a guy with his son.
She had seen a guy with his dad. He was
the guy and I was the
supporting player.
>> Yeah. And did you how did you feel about
it?
>> Okay. All right.
It's okay.
I've done a lot of supporting roles. I
I'm I'm
>> Yeah, you were fifth lead on your call
sheet.
>> Not even, sixth I'll have you know.
>> You but just you notice that he knows
what number he was.
>> [laughter]
>> You know, you know the person that far
down the call sheet knows that if you're
number six in the call sheet
>> You know it. You feel it in your every
minute of every day.
>> is the '90s. They let you know you were
number six on the call sheet.
>> in terms of pay there was everything was
locked in. You knew what you were going
to make the minute you got the pilot.
>> Mhm.
>> Um you you don't hold out. Um and did
you Okay, so so yeah, cuz a lot of
people don't like it. A lot of people
don't like being
Some people say I liked that it wasn't
about me anymore and then I've also
heard people say I
I don't want to have kids cuz I wanted
it to be about me.
>> It's a choice.
>> Yeah.
>> A lot of people don't have kids, too. I
mean, I'm not one of these people who
say you got to have kids. You You don't
have to. It's It's up to you.
>> Yeah.
>> Uh sometimes.
I mean, too Uh I mean, it it happens the
way it happens.
>> Yeah.