Video summary
The video captures the chaotic and humorous return of Cletus Cornwood to the NoPixel 5.0 server, where he immediately attempts to re-establish his iconic persona as a man of stature. Upon arrival, Cornwood struggles with the technical aspects of his new character, specifically dealing with an ID that includes the word "Esquire" and questioning whether it should be part of his official identity. He expresses frustration over the lack of a body fat slider in the game, noting that without it, he cannot achieve the specific look he desires, as he believes Cornwood must appear imposing rather than sloppy. Despite these minor inconveniences, he is thrilled by the graphical improvements and the variety of new vehicles available in Los Santos, even offering to park cars for others while marveling at the city's aesthetic.
However, the situation quickly devolves into confusion regarding his employment status and role within the police department. Cornwood arrives expecting to lead a criminal operation or rob banks, only to be informed by other players that he is not yet hired and cannot engage in crime without proper onboarding. This leads to a series of comedic misunderstandings where he tries to justify his presence as a detective or instructor while being told he needs to get hired first. The confusion escalates when he encounters an NPC who claims to be the police commissioner, Charles Darwin, leading to further roleplay antics and questions about which specific department he works for, ultimately highlighting the disorganized nature of his return.
As the narrative progresses, Cornwood engages in a heartfelt reunion with an old friend named Ziggy, during which they discuss aging, past traumas involving his family, and the harsh realities of life on the farm. While the conversation touches on serious topics like divorce and loss, it remains lighthearted as they joke about their appearances and shared history. The scene shifts back to roleplay chaos when a fake Al-Qaeda threat erupts in the background, causing panic among the players who mistake the situation for a real emergency. Cornwood rushes out to confront the perceived threat, only to be met with laughter from his friends who point out that he is now overweight and no longer the agile figure he once was.
The transcript concludes with Cornwood accepting his current reality while still clinging to his old habits and expectations. He continues to navigate the complexities of the new server environment, dealing with issues like non-functional keys and the need to pay for in-game purchases, all while maintaining his characteristic bluntness and humor. Despite the absurdity of paying ten thousand dollars for a vehicle and the confusion surrounding his official appointment letter, he remains committed to his character's legacy. The video ends on a note of camaraderie as he prepares to head to the briefing room, ready to face whatever new challenges or comedic situations await him in this fresh iteration of Los Santos.
Read the full video transcript
Is that Cornwood?
>> Uhhuh. Howdy. Howdy y'all.
>> Morning Cornwood.
>> Morning.
>> I don't know if I don't know.
>> What do you think you
>> This is This is for my Southside
initiative.
>> Holy [ __ ]
>> Al-Qaeda's here. Hey, we we got to get
somebody out there.
>> Got to have my civilian clothes on, you
know, since I ain't hired to the police
department, am I? I Hell, I don't even
know. Aren't you starting off as
sheriff? Hell, I don't think so. I I've
been told. That's news to me. Wait,
they're having a meeting already. How
come I can't get in? OH, I'M IN. I'M IN.
I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.
I'm in. I'm in.
Ao. Begin your story. New character man.
Lead us. Cornwood. Esquire. Do I put
Esquire in my ID? What would Cornwood
3.0 do? Esquire.
>> Frick. Ruth isn't going to think that's
funny. Does that not make it funny? I
feel like that makes it funny. All
right, I'm just going to take it out.
Even though I totally want to leave it.
Something is a little off. And I don't
know. It's pretty good, but something is
off. What is See, like when he takes his
hat off and glasses, he looks like
Turkish grandpa. Cuz Cornwood is like a
man of stature. Okay. Cornwood's not
like sloppy fat. That's the thing.
Cornwood is a man of He's He's a man of
stature. Okay. I think this is the look.
All right. All right. Looking good.
Looking good. Where's Bulge? Is there a
Bulge Slider?
>> There's not. Okay. Well, guys, corn. You
You guys know Cornwood is is bringing
the heat. Okay. I think this is it, man.
I think this is our guy. Gentlemen, it's
time. Wait. Choose your first bank
account. Continue without bank account.
Hell no. Cornwood ain't putting his
money in the bank. Ain't no way in hell
Corwood's putting his money in the bank.
You got to be
>> Holy. That's a beautiful man. Oh my
gosh,
>> dude. The server looks so good. Holy.
>> It's good to be back in Los Santos,
gentlemen.
>> Yeah, that is true.
>> Wait, this is like my Maxima in real
life. Look at this. New cars. New cars.
New cars in GTA. New cars in no pixel.
But yeah, dude, look at how good the
game looks. Oh. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
My apologies. I didn't mean to do that.
Hey, this is a beautiful vehicle you
have here.
Hey, ma'am. I'll go and park this for
you.
Look at the city, dude.
Look at how good it looks.
>> Better driving than last time. Yeah,
man.
>> Thanks, dude.
>> Are you going to Are you going to get a
job here and then
>> No.
>> No. I'm actually just waiting to turn
it,
>> dog. I hope you're here for a driver's
license, big guy.
>> Hell, I'm here to teach the course.
>> The course?
>> You better. If you're here to teach the
course, I'm getting the hell out of
here. Please, brother. What they do?
That truck that had them bikes drop you
off here?
>> Uh, no. I uh I found my way down here.
>> Is that Cornwood?
>> Uh-huh. Howdy.
>> Oh, howdy.
>> Jack eat.
>> Oh, how you been? How you been?
>> Is anybody here to get us the onboarding
or anybody anybody on there?
>> Uh, yeah, I could do that.
>> Wait, what?
>> You holding us?
>> Yeah. Hell, I can. Okay. So, y'all
ready?
>> Ready is that?
>> Yeah. Yeah.
ready to go do some crime. Yeah,
absolutely.
>> So, y'all y'all have already been hired
now.
>> Crime?
>> No. Oh, no. No. We Most of us here are
cops.
>> Okay.
>> This guy.
>> Well, you got to get hired.
>> I got something in the mail.
>> No, none of you are cops. You're not
hired.
>> It's the number one rep.
>> Yeah, you got to get hired before you do
on boarding. You know, y'all got to get
hired first and then I'll I'll board you
on. Anyway, let me see. Let me grab my
keys here.
Okay.
This is I'm I'm just going to go. I'm
going to go.
>> The hell? My keys ain't don't fit.
>> Have you been hired?
>> What's been hired? What the hell kind of
questions that?
>> You guys want to do criminal activity?
You know where I'm at.
>> What' he say?
>> Well, he's trying to get us to rob a
bank. I told him.
>> Did you get his name?
>> Yep. Got his name.
>> Did you get his phone number?
>> Yep.
>> Did you get the bank he's going to rob?
>> Hell no. I have
>> No, but we didn't get the phone.
>> Okay. Hey. Well, you guys got to do
better investigative work next time.
Okay.
>> You want me to call him?
>> No, it's okay. Actually, you know what?
Yeah, call him. Call him and ask him
what bank he's going to rob.
>> Hey, I was the one that spoke with you
in the police station just a minute ago.
This guy at the police station come in.
He's just being super disrespectful to
us. So, are you serious about letting us
just tag team with you and maybe start
hitting some banks?
>> Yeah, absolutely.
>> Okay,
>> give me a minute. We're We're going to
be We're going to be Are you Are you
sure you're in? You're in?
>> I'm definitely in. Yeah, I got the
letter and everything, but they can just
take the letter and throw it away. Um,
so what I'm what I'm asking is is is you
know, call me in. Call me when you guys
get ready to get set up.
>> All right, we'll do
>> Oh, he'll never he'll never even know
what hit him.
>> No, no, no.
>> Yeah, he's got no idea. That's great.
Okay,
>> you'd make a good detective.
>> Mhm. Well, anyway, uh I got to figure
out why my keys don't work. I mean,
maybe I was putting in backwards.
Some are a PD5.
>> Where's the janitor? I got I got some
work to do. I got to find the janitor
here and see what the hell's going on
cuz my keys just ain't I don't know.
They don't fit.
>> You're in the wrong spot.
>> What do you mean who the hell I work
for?
>> Who you working for?
>> You work for the LSPD or the BCSO?
>> BCSO?
>> Was that a question?
>> Was that Was that a question?
>> That That was a question.
>> Yeah.
>> About your question.
>> What do you mean?
>> Who do you work?
>> You work for the BCSO?
>> Well, I'm I work for the police
department.
>> Which one? What the hell do you mean?
Which one? Oh my lord. The the damn
police are You know what? I'm I'll go
talk to him. I'll go talk to him. All
right. Good work, man. Good work.
Here. Don't Don't get too close. Good
lord. You're scratching the damn
Good job. Good job, everybody.
But hey,
dude. It came down way faster than it
used to. Open your letter. Okay. Los
sandals mail service re notice of
appointment. Congratulations on your
appointment as an officer with the LSPD.
You'll be joining our patrol division,
responding to calls, assisting the
public, and working alongside your
fellow officers throughout Los Santos.
Please wear Miss Ro PD upon receiving
this letter to collect your equipment
and receive your first assignment. Check
in with the on duty supervisor when you
arrive. Welcome to the department. I
look forward to working with you. Howdy.
>> What's your name?
>> Hey, come inside. in Glet's Cornwood.
>> Oh, you son of a
>> How you doing, Gorgeous? It's
>> Is that you, Ziggy?
>> It's me.
>> Oh my lord.
>> Hey, you're looking
>> You're looking rough.
>> The [ __ ]
>> Yeah. Like older
>> now. I feel like you aged like 20 years.
>> Yeah, cuz it's been a long time since
I've seen you, [ __ ]
>> It's been like 3 years. It
>> I guess you're kind of Listen, I'm I'm
[ __ ] I'm old now. What do you want me to
say?
>> What happened?
What do you mean? What happened? Wait,
you look like you look like you kind of
slowed down actually. You've been on
that ozic or whatever.
>> No, I would never take medicine.
>> Well, that's that's good. I
>> But I'm telling you, the farm was bad.
You know, we had we the farm it's just
things get rough up there. You know,
there's a big blizzard coming this
weekend and it's a dad go, let me tell
you. So, I maybe I lost a little bit of
weight, but you know, I still got my
still got my stature.
>> Yeah. Yeah. You know, you look Cornwood
a little uh you know, looks like you've
been out of the sun. Is that what it is?
You know, can't be on the fields as
much. Is that what it is?
>> Yeah. I mean, it's just overtime, you
know, kind of adds up on you. You know,
it takes a toll.
>> Uhhuh.
>> I get it. I get it. How's your family?
>> Good. Well, you know what's what's left
of them anyway? The kids kind of uh
>> Did people die?
>> Well, no. I mean,
>> I mean that Shelly, you know, she
basically did to me after she took the
kids and all that, but you know, I still
talk to them, you know, on weekends.
>> See, yeah, I I get it. I recently went
through a divorce myself, so you know.
>> Well, congratulations.
>> Thank you. Yep. Thank you. We do like a
divorce dad barbecue or some [ __ ] Come
on.
>> Sounds good.
>> And is this the janitor right here?
Who's this you talking to? Um, Mr. Bugs.
>> Yeah, I believe it's
coming in.
>> Yo, I I I built this damn building. Damn
near.
>> Amen. Amen. Who are you, man?
>> My name is Cletus Cornwood. Sheriff,
former sheriff.
>> Mr. Cornwood, I heard about you. I read
your I would never I apologize that no,
Dan. You're damn you're a damn good
police officer. That's what you are.
>> Oh, appreciate it.
>> All right. Uh I need your state ID. You
got the letter, too.
>> Uh yeah, I got a letter here from the uh
from the commissioner. Uh
>> this me.
>> Oh, well, nice to meet you.
>> My introduction. I am at it. Charles D,
the police commissioner of San Andreas.
It's nice to meet all of you. I look
forward to working
>> Darwin. Start with Dawson. Dawson.
>> Oh, okay. Dawson. Well, good to meet
you.
>> Dor could be a cousin, but Dawson.
>> Howdy y'all.
>> Y
>> Howdy.
>> Hi.
>> Wait, this Wait, this guy just talked to
me. He's NPC. Hello.
>> Uh, have you gotten all sorted corn?
They got you. Oh, I think I think I you
know this guy this son of a saying I got
to pay for this. Can you believe that?
>> Yeah. Yeah. I had to pay $10,000 for all
the [ __ ] that I just bought.
>> What the hell? This
>> this used to be a great country, you
know.
>> I know.
>> And now now we got to look I understand.
You know, you got to pay for your own,
you know, the money's got to come from
somewhere. But holy hell, good lord.
Like
>> Yeah.
>> I shouldn't have to pay for it. Somebody
else should. Well, the good news, the
police commissioner is presently paid
for.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Brother, once he gets once
he gets back, he'll get you some cash.
>> Now, we we ain't met, have we?
>> No. What's your name, brother?
>> I'm Cle Cornwood.
>> Railen Shepard. Pleasure.
>> Railen. Okay.
>> Mhm.
>> What kind of name is Railen?
>> My first.
>> Okay. Well, it's a good thing you didn't
change it.
>> Why change my name?
>> Well, I mean, it's your first one,
right?
>> Exactly. Okay.
>> Probably going to be my last.
>> I mean, hopefully, unless you know, you
getting some witness protection, you
know, but hopefully we don't have to
deal with that.
>> I hope not. Day one.
>> Yeah, that'd be bad.
>> See, we're dealing with shoplifter.
Probably this bad.
>> Oh, lord. Okay, I better get me a
revolver then.
>> All right,
>> stick stick to the standard issue
pistol.
>> I'm being
>> What do you mean that is standard?
>> Where I come from? A
>> Amen. Hey man,
>> that has six shooter. Um, if you want
that, what's your name again?
>> Uh, Cletus Cornwood. You can call me
boss.
>> Um,
>> anyway, Cornwood, there's uh uniformed
up in the back room there. Here we go.
>> Okay, good. Let me go check it out.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Come on.
>> Oh,
>> good lord.
>> Why is he getting after wall looks like
he's pissing off the wall?
>> Oxy, is that you? I think we shouldn't
bother him. Maybe he looks like he's in
the salad.
>> Yeah, maybe not.
>> Maybe he's going for like one of them
Picasso paintings or something.
>> Could be some spare uniforms in there in
your size. Hopefully.
>> We can take two or three and stick them
together.
>> Yeah, maybe.
>> Oh, there there it is. Okay, let's see
what's in here.
>> Oh, I don't know if I don't know if you
This is for my Southside initiative.
>> Mhm. That you know, I tell that go over.
Oh m
damn
mhm.
Holy.
Hey, al-Qaeda is here. AL-QAEDA IS HERE.
HEY, we we got to get somebody out
there. Holy Al-Qaeda is here.
>> Hey, should I still there?
>> It's a corn. Where the hell's your
shoes?
>> I I ran out here as soon as I heard the
explosion.
>> Get Get those dogs of barking. God.
>> Oh my god. I got you immediately. Holy,
you are fat.
What
>> the hell did you just say? Oh. Oh, I'm
fat. Look at you. You're a Look at you.
You goddamn.
>> What are you talking about? You're fat
as [ __ ]
>> I I I ran out here as soon as I heard
explosion. I thought I had to fight
al-Qaeda again.
>> Oh my god.
>> I didn't even have a gun. I was going to
just punch Osama in the face.
>> I'm about good to go.
>> Okay. Uh, make your way to the briefing
room. I'll meet you there whenever these
fells are ready.
Holy
>> Harry. Good morning.