Video summary
The common adage that "comparison is the thief of joy" holds some truth, but the core issue lies not in the act of comparing itself, but rather in how we utilize it. When individuals compare their current reality to the curated highlights of others' lives, particularly on social media, they often feel inadequate and lose their sense of happiness. This happens because people tend to pit their own "gag reel"—the messy, unedited version of their daily struggles—against everyone else's "highlight reel," assuming that what they see online represents a person's entire life. To avoid this trap, the speaker argues that we must shift our focus away from judging ourselves against others' outcomes and instead use comparison as a constructive tool for personal growth.
A healthy approach to comparison involves looking inward by measuring your current self against your previous self or against your own perceived potential. By asking whether you are improving in specific skills, building better relationships, or enhancing your fitness, you create a meaningful yardstick that drives motivation and ambition without inducing feelings of inferiority. Similarly, evaluating whether you are performing as well as you believe you are capable allows for honest self-assessment regarding areas like workout intensity or interview preparation. This internal benchmarking encourages continuous improvement and helps individuals recognize their progress over time, turning comparison into a powerful engine for development rather than a source of despair.
However, there is a critical danger in constantly chasing "more" without appreciating the present moment, which can lead to devaluing what one already has. The speaker shares a personal realization that their ambition had become like a runaway train, where every achievement merely pushed the goalpost further away, creating a perpetual gap between who they were and who they thought they should be. This relentless pursuit of future goals caused them to overlook the present moment, which is the only thing guaranteed to us. To counteract this, one must regularly check if their drive for more is taking them out of the now and causing them to undervalue their current circumstances, ensuring that gratitude for today's achievements remains a priority alongside future aspirations.
Finally, effective comparison requires understanding context, specifically recognizing that people are at different stages on their unique journeys. When comparing oneself to someone like Chris Williamson, who has been successful for years, it is unhelpful to compare one's current starting point to the other person's peak performance. Instead, a more useful perspective is to investigate where that successful individual was when they were at your specific stage and compare those two points in time. This principle extends to mentorship as well; rather than asking what a mentor does today, it is far more beneficial to ask how they navigated the challenges of your current situation. By rewinding the tape to find relevant advice from someone's past experiences rather than their present status, you gain actionable insights that respect the timeline of growth and prevent unnecessary feelings of falling behind.
Read the full video transcript
is that old quote that comparison is the
thief of joy. And to some degree I do
believe that and I believe in the
sentiment behind that, but it's actually
comparison's not the problem. It's what
we do with the comparison that can
create the problem.
Well, there's two words that pop into
mind when I hear coachability. The first
thing I I think of is open-mindedness.
Um and and an offshoot or a sister of
open-mindedness is curiosity. And I
think those are two unbelievably
powerful uh traits that that we can work
towards and and we can continually try
to develop. But the other word that I
think of when I hear coachability is
humility. It's being humble. And here's
why that is so important. Um when you're
humble, you stay open-minded to hearing
someone who's trying to coach you. Like
you stay open to coaching. You stay open
to feedback. Uh when you're when you're
open-minded and you're humble, uh you
stay open to the fact that no matter how
good you get, you know you can still get
better. So you don't you don't play the
comparison game to say, "Hey, I'm better
than you, so that's good enough." What
you're comparing yourself to is two
things. One, you compare your your
current self to your previous self and
ask, "Am I getting better in whatever
skill set that I'm trying to improve? Or
is my business getting better? Are my
relationships getting better? Is my
fitness getting better?" But am I moving
in the right direction uh is a really
important question. Um and then you also
want to compare your your current self
to what you believe you're capable of.
Am I doing as good a job as I believe
that I'm capable of? Of course, none of
us actually know 100% what we're capable
of, but but you usually have an idea.
I'm sure you have an idea after a
workout. Could you have worked just a
little bit harder? Could you have eked
out one more rep on that set of squats?
You know, when you're done an interview,
you could probably go back and say,
"Hey, could I have prepared a little bit
more? Or could I have asked" and and
those are healthy things to ask. I don't
encourage you to ask them to then feel
less than or to feel like, "Oh, I I you
know, the woulda coulda shouldas. No,
it's simply a a yardstick to say, am I
better than my previous self and how am
I comparing to what I believe I'm
capable of? And and that's where I
actually think comparison is healthy. I
know one of the the things that floats
around on social media all the time and
I'm sure that I've put that out there is
that old quote that comparison is the
thief of joy.
And to some degree I do believe that and
I believe in the sentiment behind that,
but it's actually comparisons not the
problem. It's what we do with the
comparison that can create the problem.
If if we compare ourselves to what other
people have and we compare ourselves to
other people's outcomes and the result
is it makes us feel less than or it
makes us feel like we're not good
enough, then it will absolutely rob you
of joy. But if you use comparison the
way that I just recommended and
suggested, which is compare your current
self to your previous self or compare
your current self to what you believe
you're capable of, then comparison can
be a very helpful tool. It can be
something that can can drive motivation
and ambition and can and can push. So I
don't believe that we should, you know,
paint everything with the broad brush of
never compare. I mean, at the end of the
day
life is all about comparison.
>> Yeah.
>> But what we have to be careful of and
this is where I think this is the reason
that people are bringing this quote up
is so much of the comparison is done
online, on social media with people
we've never met and we're just assuming
that what we see on their Instagram is
actually their real life and we compare
that to what we know our real life is
and then we feel less than. We go, this
person has fill in the blank. They have
more money, they have more friends, they
have more followers, they have more more
you know, whatever it may be and that
leaves us feeling less than. So that's
the trap that I certainly want to warn
folks to be careful of pursuing, but as
a general rule comparison can be a very
very helpful tool.
>> We're comparing our gag reel to
everybody else's highlight reel.
>> Yes, absolutely. [laughter]
>> I
I agree that self-comparison is really
important and I think it's necessary to
grow, but I know personally I've taken
it too far and that's one of the reasons
I started this podcast and it's called
The Greatful Podcast to begin with
because I would constantly create a big
forward gap, a gap that made me feel
disappointed in myself where I thought
that I should be doing way more than I
was. My ambition was kind of on a
runaway train and every time I
accomplished something, I would move
that goal post a little bit further. And
I realized that I needed to not just
have those big goals. Those were
important and they would never go away,
but I would need to have gratitude for
what is now because in the persistent,
consistent pursuit of more outside of
me, I was actually devaluing the one
thing I was ever guaranteed, which is
the present moment, right?
>> Absolutely.
>> And so I think that's where you can
start to check yourself on your
self-comparison is is it taking me out
of the present moment? Am I devaluing
the things I have right now because I'm
so focused on more, more, more in the
future? And I imagine athletes, high
performers, the people you're working
with at big companies and executives
feel that all the time. Is there a way
that you help them not go too far in
that forward direction?
>> Well, man, again, so much really good
stuff there. I wish I would have known a
fraction of this stuff when I was 19. So
you're you're really on the right path,
but but you said something there that
that also sparked a
another thought and that is
when when we're comparing,
we're often comparing where we are and
someone else is at a different spot on
the journey. Once again, before we hit
record, we were talking that we both
love Chris Williamson in the Modern
Wisdom podcast. Phenomenal show. I've
been listening to it for jeez, six or
seven years now. So I started listening
to Modern Wisdom before it became the
the global behemoth that it is now. And
the reason that I share that is
I've also been watching and and
listening to your show and you do a
phenomenal job. But as to your own
admission, you're more on the front end
of starting your endeavor out now. Chris
already has a whole handful of years
behind him. So, if you compare your
podcast now to where Chris is is now, it
will most likely have you feel less than
or feel that you're way behind. But, you
don't want to do that. Uh what would be
a more helpful comparison tool was if
you could find out where Chris and
Modern Wisdom were when he was around
this stage uh of where you are and
compare those two things. You know, I
don't know how many episodes you've done
or how long you've been doing the
podcast, but if you could find out where
Modern Wisdom was around that same
landmark, that would be a more helpful
reference point. Now, similarly, uh you
mentioned mentorship, and I I think
mentorship is incredibly important, but
a lot of mistakes that people make and
I'll use myself as an example. So, I've
been in the corporate keynote speaking
game for 9 years now, almost a decade.
So, you know, I'm I'm not brand new. I'm
not a rookie, but I'm also not a
seasoned veteran. I know people that
have been speaking for 30 years, but but
I've got 10 years, almost 10 years of
very solid experience. What happens a
lot of times is is folks that want to
start speaking reach out and I believe
in trying to help as many people as I
can. I I believe in sending the elevator
back down because I can tell you so many
people have done that for me.
But, what I try to make sure they
understand is when they're just starting
out to not compare their craft or their
their current business with where I am
10 years in. What I make sure to do is
rewind the tape and go back and say,
"Hey, when I was first starting, here's
the things that I was doing to get my
business going. Here are some best
practices that worked really well for
me, and here are a couple of landmines
that I stepped on that I would highly
encourage you to avoid if you can." But,
but don't ask if you're reaching out to
someone that you would hope would mentor
you or someone to give you advice,
don't so much ask what they're doing
today. Find out what they they doing
when they were at your stage cuz that
will be much more
helpful information.
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