Common Mistakes Women Make That Ruin Relationships - Whitney Cummings

a big mistake women make is like women go to advice about men to their girlfriends go to advice about men to your guy friends and also don't go to your single girlfriends for advice about being in relationships go to your married friends yeah well I mean all of your single friends want tequila Tuesdays to keep happening which means that that you know even if they're not aware of it and even if they're fantastic friends there is a part of them that thinks it's kind of like there's this idea in uh the black pill incel world of ascending and ascending is um becom a viable mate for women and maybe maybe even getting into a relationship and it's very heavily discouraged because if one of the guys within a group that are supposed to be genetic dead ends that have no hope does do something that creates a pain of oh well this could happen to me and as soon as you be believe that this could happen to me maybe the reason it's not happening to you is your fault maybe it's not determined already and it's kind of the same with the Singleton thing like if you're going to go and ask for advice about intimacy with someone who never really seems to be intimate with anyone they're going to first off not have a a particularly fantastic perspective I don't think unless they're unbelievably incisive but secondly there's going to be a little bit of a perverse incentive that they don't want their friend to start to pull away from them uh oh so interesting I'm going to give you the advice that makes what I'm doing seem like a good idea and also keeps you as a compatriot so that we can both continue to do this together you know we The Sisterhood like you know girl you don't need him Etc ET it's like well maybe maybe that is yeah maybe that's maybe that's true but like if you are unable guy or girl is anable to get yourself a partner or enable to find friends like no dude you don't need that friend anymore it's like the subtext of that is you can hang out with me I'm your people when I was um I don't know gosh I was probably my late 20s and I dated a and I I'm only saying what he does for a living because it might make people like um it'll make make you understand why I took it so uh well professional athlete great at what he does I just think a lot of times professional athletes they don't they can't there's not a lot of room for emotion to be involved it's either true or it's not true or you're going to get your neck broken you know and he you know dated a lot of you know could date whoever he wanted or sleep with whoever you wanted and I REM I was just in my arrogance and in my like you know we were like arguing about something and I was like well like why would you date me if like I'm the person you date if you want like a challenge and he just went why would any man want a challenge in their relationship and it was like I was like thank you so much for saying that cuz I guess I grew up watching parents fights watching conflict is love conflict is love I guess that's what I saw I guess I thought it was sexy I guess I thought men passion is yes I don't know what I was thinking and I literally in that moment was like oh my God I'm so like I don't know what I I thought it was like hot to you I thought it was like what guys wanted I thought it was like feisty like you know I apologize well especially if you're dating somebody that is high performing in any realm has goals you know if you're working that hard in the office you really want to come home and be like right there's that to-do list done I wonder what fires I need to fight when I step through the front door as well and now I'm kind of at this point where it's like I'm good at business I'm really good at what I do I love the idea of being with the man where I can be like how can I help you make your like how can I be your business partner like your silent business partner whether it's like I can have dinner waiting for you I can The Rock Johnson probably needs a second one of those I mean look I this so crazy to me yeah they probably I want do I mean State of California woman though she gets half for after 10 years in a day strange if you even with a prenup oh that's a good question I don't know you'd be surprised how few people have prenups I mean remember he's got that [ __ ] whatever it is what's his is it rum emotional support oh uh his rum brand it's like tea or Rum or something and uh I mean he's I heard he might warn for office too I'd vote for him you know because that's another thing is like like I'm into that ride or die how can I make your dreams come true like that's I've made my dreams come true like it's I'm into that Kink of like how could I make your dreams come true like can I being in service is is cool especially if it's and this is something that we spoke about before as well like not doing it coming from a place of desperation I want to make your dreams come true or make your life better because I think it'll make you love me but there's almost something extra sexy or seductive about somebody putting their nature especially their public facing nature to one side in order to do something that seems opposite or different to that privately because it it seems like the love that you have for me is causing it's so strong that you're having to overcome something that you do publicly you know it's the same reason why the high-powered male lawyer wants to be tied up and and spanked by the dominatrix right it's it's the PO polarity of the life that makes it interesting yes and that's the difference between coming at it from a place of desperation and weakness like I want to do this because I think it's the only way that you love me versus I am fine on my own and I'm okay with being independent and I have all of this stuff going for me and I still want to you know be the Homemaker build a family do the whatever and it's the same for that's why like the uh Chad to Dad pipeline is so alluring I think to women it's why so many stories all of the dark romance novels are about a man who has everything who is completely independent and ruthless and and domineering and prestigious and is softened over time by the right woman because his love for her pulls him in and it's the same as a beautiful friendship story right there is a friend who who struggles to connect but you see something in them that's amazing and then you become friends together and you do you know the Michelangelo effect do you know what this is [ __ ] brilliant so um it's a psychological effect that describes how over time two people often in a relationship will craft each other into the idealized version of what they want so I make you more like what I want and you make me more like what you want and I am happy to become more like what you want and you are happy and the reason it's called the Michelangelo effect is you can imagine Michelangelo looking at this huge block of marble and from the outside it's Ru Hune but over time he chips away and creates the statue of David so he sees inside of something which isn't perfect the Perfection that he wants and over time is able to craft this thing out of it this is something that's making me think of of something I think that actually would be helpful to people and is I feel like when you're in a relationship with somebody and there's things that you want to change about the there's this new thing now where you just can criticize your man or criticize your person or someone comes home and it's like yeah so you're just going to walk walk in the door and not say hi and da da da and this is where the you know my having more intimacy and relationships with animals than humans actually comes in handy where positive reinforcement is pretty much I believe the only thing that works and I think that I'm not seeing it on either side right now with men or women so if like your girl comes home and she's rough or she's going out with her friends too whatever it is just experiment with like just say instead of getting in a fight about it like just you know what I love like I love when you come home I come home and you're here here and you're like on the couch and you're Barefoot it's just the sexiest thing in the world to me when I like come home and you're here you know and like kiss her on the forehead and just see if anything Chang same thing with my girlfriends you're like and I just told him that he needed a and I'm like are you insane you can't talk to people like that you know this isn't like you're not in a fight on the [ __ ] Subway this is your man just tell him like you know what I love it so much when you like would I don't like that he wears this thing when he wears the other thing just tell him how hot it is and suck his dick what why is this so hard to understand and I you can't wear those [ __ ] Crocs around when he wears the other shoes just suck his dick and tell them how much you love the shoes and kiss them and it's over you know so I just think that we're not doing enough positive reinforcement I think maybe it's this like perfectionism generation or maybe we're all standing up for ourselves and I'm going to make a boundary and I'm going to tell you all the things that I don't like because I'm going to be authentic and d d omissions are not lies you know I just think that for every criticism we have it's just like like just try positive reinforcement try that you know what I love I love when your phone is off and I just get to like we just get as opposed to why do you always have your phone out on the table it always makes me so annoyed that's it don't even say that one just when there's no phone out take that opportunity to tell them how great it is like this to me is about like that's what it means to be soft I think to just like bite your tongue shut your [ __ ] mouth you don't have to just be roasting your man all the time I mean I see it and there's certain rules to me that I live by in relationships now it took me a while to learn but you never gossip about your man ever ever if there's a a texting with some other girl you don't I'm like you don't tell any of your girlfriends you take it to a therapist you take it to a 12-step meeting like don't ever gossip about your person don't ever make fun of your person in public I see people a lot like that women that don't understand why relationships aren't working and then you go out on a double dat and like cuz he [ __ ] can't get and you're just like what the [ __ ] are you doing like you're embarrassing your man in front of a bunch of people you know and so I see this stuff and as someone who's a female comic you would think that you know that's that's not how I am in relationships in the slightest and I think that we're just like getting a little too comfortable you know I did this movie that was about it was based on a book called the female brain and I met with this female neuroscientist and I said to her I was just like what's the main advice you have for me like if I leave here knowing one thing today about the difference between the male and the female brain and she just went your girlfriend is not your boyfriend what do you mean by that don't treat them the same so if you want to talk about how ugly the bridesmaid's dresses were at Marcy's wedding call your friend Lydia don't call your boyfriend about it you know just like be a little more cautious about the stuff that you because then you come home and you're like can you believe what happened at work and this she was wearing this blouse and the guy's just like you know what I mean it's like well you don't listen to me how come you're not paying attention you don't want to hear me talk it's like this isn't a subject dud you're boring you're [ __ ] boring dude call your girlfriend so it's like to me it's always a big red flag when girls don't have girlfriends cuz that means you're going to have to hear all the boring ass [ __ ] so like girls know what to take to your girlfriends and know what to take to your guy friends or to your boyfriend you know I think that's a really important thing that a lot of girls don't do they expect their boyfriend to be their girlfriend you're not going to come to [ __ ] Nordstrom with me and hold my purse while I change that's not the man that's not my guy you know and don't make your guy do [ __ ] like that you know I just I just think that like you know little things like that I think make a really big difference and if you are doing that chances are you might not respect the person and that's not the person for you and I think people really forget about respect it's like I'm attracted to him and he's smart and he has this but do you respect him cuz if you're going I want you to spend your Saturday sitting on a [ __ ] velvet puff at Nordstrom while I try [ __ ] on unless it's like a fun Kakey sex game that's a different thing but like that's not respect you don't respect your man's time yeah that's again the pliability thing and that's why 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