Video summary
The video begins with an advertisement for limited-edition merchandise, specifically hoodies featuring unique designs like a bursting heart with Japanese text, available exclusively at mwmerch.com for only six days before being permanently sold out. Following this commercial break, the discussion shifts to analyzing the pervasive myth of "Chads," or highly attractive men who are perceived as monopolizing female attention in modern dating markets. The speaker argues that while it intuitively makes sense that deregulated environments like online dating apps and social media would amplify a hierarchy where looks dictate success, statistical evidence suggests this narrative is largely exaggerated. Data indicates that the proportion of men with multiple sexual partners has remained relatively stable since around 2000, hovering between 18% and 20%, which mirrors similar patterns among women who report three or more partners in a year; consequently, the vast majority of both genders lead sexually uneventful lives centered on relationships rather than promiscuity.
The core argument presented is that the "Chad myth" stems from an illusion created by dating apps and social media algorithms rather than biological reality. On platforms like Tinder and Hinge, visibility is skewed because a small percentage of men receive the majority of likes or swipes, leading users to mistakenly believe this reflects actual mating success in the real world. Furthermore, social media amplifies anomalous stories where women ghost attractive men after brief encounters, while normal relationship milestones go unnoticed unless they are shared by influencers who brag about their conquests. This creates a distorted perception that there is one group of "Chads" having sex with everyone and another group of losers getting nothing, whereas in reality, the promiscuous individuals on both sides often mate with each other within specific sociosexual circles, leaving large cohorts of men and women entirely out of these viral narratives.
Ultimately, the speaker concludes that this myth obscures a more accurate picture where men and women are far more similar than commonly believed regarding their sexual behaviors and relationship dynamics. The feeling of being excluded from the mating market is largely an artifact of how digital platforms highlight extreme outliers—both the highly successful "Chads" and the equally rare promiscuous women—who interact with one another, while ignoring the silent majority living ordinary lives offline or in stable relationships. By recognizing that dating apps merely make existing social patterns more visible rather than creating a new reality where 20% of men get 80% of attention without reciprocal interest from other groups, we can understand that the "Chad" phenomenon is less about women being duped into exclusive arrangements with handsome strangers and more about an illusion fueled by selective visibility on screens.
Read the full video transcript
I'm starting an only fans and I'm
selling merch. This has taken way too
long and I'm very sorry, but it is so
worth it. The designs are unreal. We've
upgraded the blanks so they're even
better quality than last time and this
bursting heart design with Japanese text
in the middle is just so beautiful.
Also, your girlfriend's new favorite
hoodie. I apologize to anybody who buys
this because I get the sense that your
girlfriend's just going to steal it. All
of it is available right now at
mwmerch.com
and it's only available for 6 days. So,
get it. Once it's gone, you won't be
able to buy it again. That's it.
Completely sold out, never to be printed
in the future.
mwmerch.com
Speaking of the sort of current world of
looks maxing, guys trying to rise to the
top of the level as much as they can.
What's the myth of the Chad?
>> Mhm.
>> Well, it's so I wrote this piece the
myth of the Chad and uh I think I
dropped it in the the the group chat,
which is um you know, for a long time
we've heard this story. I think you and
you and I talked about this on a
previous podcast, Chris, um because it
made some level of intuitive sense that
uh as the dating marketplaces become
more deregulated, people can meet each
other [laughter] more easily.
>> of a deregulated mating marketplace. We
live in sexual capitalism. Late sexual
capitalism.
>> Yeah.
>> Um and so now you have uh you know, with
dating apps, online dating, people can
meet each other more easily. We are um
you know, supposedly placing more value
on looks as a result of social media and
dating apps and so on. So, the story was
and we saw some statistical trends that
supported this notion at least initially
that uh a small percentage of men were
getting the majority of female attention
and that men are sort of on the lower
end of uh mate value were getting uh
increasingly less uh female interest.
And so, the story was what was it? Like
20% of men are getting 80% of the
attention. There's some truth to that at
least with regards to sort of um uh
match rates and swipe rates on Tinder
and so on. But uh if you look at the
actual data, you dig into it and and you
know, more statistics and findings have
come out since uh you and I have had
those discussions a few years ago,
suggested actually that story isn't
completely true.
That in fact this this has been going on
for a long time. That very attractive
men have always had the opportunity to
mate with more women. Um So when you
look at the data, it looks like
something like about maybe 18 to 20% of
men
um
report having three or more sexual
partners within the past year. And that
really hasn't changed since about the
year of 2000, uh which is as far back as
I could find uh data on this. Uh and so
you might think, okay, well, that's
there you go. You got the Chads. The 20%
of men are getting three or more
partners a year. Those are the guys, you
know, hogging all the women. But then
when you look at the sexual behavior of
women, you find essentially the same
pattern, which is that something like 12
to 18% of women also report three or
more sexual partners a year. And what
this means is that the vast majority of
men and the vast majority of women have
relatively unexciting sexual lives. The
most common response to the question
many partners have you had in the past
12 months is one, followed by zero. So
most sex is going on in relationships,
followed by people not having sex at
all, and then a small fraction of men
and a small fraction of women who are
high in sociosexual orientation, very
promiscuous and open to short-term
mating, they're having a lot of sex with
each other.
>> as well, presumably.
>> Oh yeah, yeah, I'm yeah, I'm sure you're
physically attractive and what I suggest
is that because um dating apps have made
this uh
you know, sort of sort of frictionless
and because social media has created
this kind of panopticon where you know,
men in particular, um you know, they're
you got sort of the pickup artists and
red pill guys who claim to be very
successful with women bragging about how
many women they've hooked up with, and
then you have the incels on the other
side of this with who are, you know, not
bragging, but you know, I guess whining
and complaining about how little sex
they're having. This gives you the the
impression that, oh wow, you got one
segment of guys who are having all of
the sex, and then you have this other
section of guys who are having none of
the sex, and then women are just passive
bystanders who are maybe getting, I you
know, duped by the the pickup artists or
the Chads or something. Uh but what this
suggests actually is that, you know,
there is a kind of a Chad, but the the
myth of the Chad is that um yeah, that a
one a segment of guys are having all of
the sex with all of the women.
And it's it's not the case that uh there
are, you know, there themselves, there
are women in relationships, there are
women who are just uninterested in
dating. And uh any kind of see the you
know, mirror image of this for men as
well. That you know, it weirdly this
suggests that men and women are more
alike uh than than many think, which is
maybe a point to to your book.
>> It's one of the one of the key ideas in
my book, yeah. And I think that, you
know, the average
uh number of sexual partners that men
have, if you exclude sex workers and the
like, is somewhat higher. Uh but uh do
you think it's a very important point
that, yeah, among among the guys who are
having sex with lots of women, generally
having sex with the women who are having
sex with lots of guys.
>> And that's the sociosexual view. Right.
Sociosexual view. Alexander Day.
>> The the the promiscuous 10% is the is
the kind of meme version of it. Um but I
I actually I so I think that tons of
people at home and in the YouTube
comment section are like I I 100% think
it's interesting and take it for granted
um that what you're saying is true. Um
but what where where do you think the
myth actually originates from and what
do you think explains the cuz it's it's
not it's not just necessarily the myth
of the Chad, it's also the illusion of
the Chad. Where it's like people have
this profound felt sense that they're
being excluded from the mating market
where some other, you know,
some gorgeous guys are having tons of
fun.
>> Yeah. Well, you know, I I think uh a
part of it is um
the trend of dating apps. So, you know,
you the swipe rates are very easy to
measure. There's been a lot of research
on this, and we mistakenly kind of
overinterpret the findings of what
people see on Tinder or on Hinge, which
do show, you know, on on Tinder it's
something like uh uh
4% of the men get the vast majority of
the swipes.
And then,
much smaller numbers,
or rather larger numbers of women get
get liked versus versus men. Same thing
on Hinge, that the top 10% of male users
on Hinge get 60% of the likes. And so,
it's very easy to come away from that
thinking like, oh, that's reality, that,
you know, 10% of the guys are getting
60% of the female attention. There was
that other finding about male
attractiveness. You guys have probably
seen this OKCupid data. That's kind of,
you know, it's it's it's a little
outdated, but,
it also kind of makes sense in a way
that people would come away from that
thinking like, oh, most women are only
attracted to that small section of a
fragment of guys, and, you know, men are
much more even and kind of fair in their
assessment of women. And then, I think
social media, as well, that you're
seeing guys, like, they take these very
anomalous interactions,
where women suddenly lose interest in
them or ghost them or something, and
they tell this, you know, elaborate
story, and it's very attention-grabbing,
and then those stories go viral. But,
the reason they go viral is because
they're anomalous and atypical. Normal
stories of, hey, like, I met this girl,
and we really liked each other, and now
we're engaged, we're getting married.
You post that, you'll get, you know, 17
likes. But, if you post, you know, I had
this one-night stand with this girl, but
then she ghosted me, or like, I you
know, she was leading me on on the app,
but then she agreed to meet me, but then
she didn't talk to me anymore. And you
tell those stories like, oh, it's over,
boys, or whatever. Like, those are the
stories that go viral. And then, I think
the other the other point I want to make
about this is that,
this this promiscuous 10%, this um, of
of
on the side of the women, that is a
highly sought-after group. And, you
know, there is, you know, it's a small
fraction of women who are more
promiscuous than other women.
And the very attractive men have access
to that group.
And the
unattractive men who see this, they get
jealous, and they want access to that
small group of women, as well. But, they
mistakenly think that that's all women,
without realizing a huge cohort of women
that have had zero or one partner
>> It's it's sort of this
you know this availability bias thing of
like well I'm seeing all of this stuff
happening online all of the chatter
about sex and chads and whatever but
you're not seeing this dark matter of
women who aren't posting who aren't on
the apps who are just [laughter] like
living their lives.
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