Caught With 35 Kilos of Cocaine - Female Drug Smuggler Gets 10 Years in Prison

[snorts] I just see approval from people cuz I think I tried to carry on being this person and I just everything was failing around me. I couldn't do it anymore. Well, I chose to get in a car and drive the drugs and I didn't make it. >> Caught with 35 kilos of coke. And the minute it happened, the first person that come into my brain was my nephew. [snorts] And that was when the penny dropped for me. And I just thought, you're fucked. I was on Raman for 12 months. And I can't even explain the thoughts that were going through my mind for them 12 months. I arrived into Low Newton which is a Kate A highse security women's prison that housed Rose West uh prolific murderer Joan Deni baby pea killer Trace Connelly. So you can imagine the type of people that I was surrounded by. I had my barristister on a video link. I hadn't met him in person yet and he started telling me between 9 and 12 years. Were you ever sad though? >> Yeah. Yeah, I was. 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You can now follow me in all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be. And don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications bell so you're notified for when my next podcast goes live. and boom on. And today's guest, we got Denika Fy. How are you? >> Hello, James. Nice to meet you. >> Good to see you. It's a >> pleasure to be asked to come on. >> Yeah, it's a pleasure to have you here. Bit of a crazy story. Caught with 35 kilos of coke, 9 years in prison. >> Used to play football. >> Now you're out. So, yeah, it's good to have you on. At least you're free. But before we get into all the madness, I always like to go back to the start with my guests to get more of a bit of understanding about you, where you grew up, and how it all began. So I was born in Coventry, raised by my mom, still had contact with my dad and she was a single mom and raised three children, myself and two of my sisters. Me being the older sister, I think I was given a lot of responsibility in the house. My mom being a single mom, she was out working a lot, doing all she could to keep a roof over our head. Um, went through school. I wouldn't say I was the best behaved child. Got up to a bit of mischief here and there. Um, Catholic, so tried to be a good Catholic. Did go to church. Um, communion, confirmation, got to secondary school and I think that might have been where my life would have started spiral. >> Why? >> I got to 15 years of age. Obviously, you're hanging out with your friends on a Friday, Saturday night. Um, started drinking, experimenting in recreational drug use at a young age. I think it was kind of like cuz it was new and all your friends were doing it. It was something that you thought was what you had to do, just follow the crowd. Um, left school by then. I was frequently partying at weekends, 16, 17. Um, yeah, it become a problem at the age of 17. >> What were you taking? >> Cocaine. I wouldn't say to a a bad extent, but any extent not really going to have a positive effect on your life going forward. And before I knew it, I was reaching my late teens, 18, started going partying in IBA. Obviously, if anybody is familiar with IBA, it is known as the party island. And yeah, went there for a very long period of time from 18 up until 25. And my life just consisted of I was working. I had full-time jobs consisting of customer service when I first started out in full-time work. held jobs down, but I'd say I got sacked from a fair few for not turning up, especially on a Monday. Um, yeah. And then before I knew it, I'd wasted a lot of my years, I think, blocking out probably what was going on in my head mentally. And I'm not going to say I had a bad upbringing. I don't know why I'm getting upset already. Um, I'm not saying I had a bad upbringing, but there was a lot of responsibility that I had to deal with. So, I think for me, I was that girl that just wanted to let loose and have that release of drinking, [snorts] masking problems, which little did I know would have got me to this story that I'm telling today. I masked a lot. I I hid a lot. I wanted to be the party girl. I wanted everyone to I was like Denica was everybody's friend. She had a lot of friends but did she really have a lot of friends or was she just the person that they wanted to party with because she was always up for that good time. Um yeah and then I got to mid20s started to branch out a bit left Ira alone. I think I wanted to try and start changing my ways. Couple of my friends moved to Dubai. So I started going over to them and enjoying holidays there in a very different light. There was no drugs there. Not at that time I was there anyway. Um it was just you were going out living that lifestyle of being on tables, bottles, just still living a single life. Obviously you were meeting boys along the way and then COVID hit. I was 34 and working from home. Life at this point, I mean, Dubai was just there as a getaway for me. >> How long you in Dubai for? >> Uh, I was going there three times a year, two times a year, just as and when I could get away from work. >> How big was your family? >> As in me, my mom. >> Yeah. >> I've got two sisters on my mom's side. My dad separated from my mom when I was two and he has two children with his wife that he's with now. >> How's the relationship with them? >> Um, I'd say mine and my mom's we are best friends that are very alike that probably we don't communicate in a way that sometimes we get on. [snorts] I think I hold a lot of resentment, but I don't know if I hold it to my mom or my dad. My dad always remained in my life, but him and my mom never got on. I can never remember a time where they were amicable with each other or got on. It was always one big fight, not physical, but abusive verbally to each other. Did >> that affect you? Do you think? >> I think so. Yeah. >> Is that the drugs and stuff comes in with their skin? Like I say, I think I was just trying to block out problems that are from a child that I didn't know were still affecting me in my teens that didn't know that will affect me through till I was 34 till the biggest mistake of my life happened. >> Were you partying and I be every day? >> Seven days straight. No sleep, no eating. Just getting up, going out, going home, getting ready. I weren't even getting home at a normal time. when we were going in in the morning and going straight back out to any clubs or day parties that were on. >> Beef is beautiful as well, but if you're partying, you don't see that. No, >> it just sucks the soul out you. >> No, [snorts] it's made many fucking addicts over there. I I can't even recall a time because even going down to Cafe Mambbo and having food on the beach once on one occasion and that time I was still on the back of a night out from the night before with no sleep and I just uncontrollably cried watching the sunset like if that's not a come down from partying in IPA I don't know what is cuz I weren't crying because of how beautiful it was. I don't even think I was taking in what I was seeing. It was just it was just a spiral. I was masking everything from a young age. Still probably trying to do it now, even since being released. I'm probably not dealing with my feelings and my emotions as best as I could. I feel like I have grown, but I still feel there are certain behaviors in my life that I haven't fully eliminated that I do want to. And I think today is probably a day where I am going to be honest with myself, especially here talking to you. >> So I bea Dubai back and forth kind of running away from everything. >> Yeah. >> Taking drugs as much as you can. >> Yeah. And then bang, you got to 35 kilos. Like what was life like on the runup to that? Were you just completely gone? >> I can honestly say I had a high life of not even illegally. I was working to travel. I traveled a lot with my best friend. We went to Jamaica to see her sister, get married. I'd been to Mexico. I'd been to Miami. Stayed in the Fontaine Blue. I'd done everything that a young girl with no children or a partner in tow just living a single life with my friend. I've traveled to every continent. Thailand been there twice. The last time was the last time I went away in 2023. Dubai just as and when I wanted it really. It was kind of just a very erratic lifestyle but nights out in London. Were you getting surveillanced? >> Possibly. Yeah. I think it was when the day of arrest I was told that there was intelligence come through from Manchester as to why I was teacked on the motorway. >> Pulled for speeding. >> No, it wasn't speeding. I think the media, they also portrayed me to be a footballer. It wasn't nothing to do with that. It was they they'd had intelligence on me and yeah, it was why I got pulled on the motorway. There was an operation in place because there was an undercover car in front of me which I didn't know. There was an undercover car at the back of me which I also didn't spot and there was two at the side of me and they pulled me over into the hard shoulder near Haragut which is why I ended up up in Durham and serving my time there which I chose to stay there off my own will. I didn't want to go back to a local jail. >> So you get caught with 35 kilo. They valued it at a million. I'm surprised they didn't value it for more because they could value street value and 34 million. It was valued at just over 3 million, but I think the actual form it was found in before they broken it down, it was 1.2. >> What were you feeling when you're driving with 35 bricks in the car? >> Do you know at that time, I'm going to be really honest with you. I think I was so far away from being my true self, my normal character, that it didn't even cross my mind the severity of the risk that I was putting myself in. And the minute it happened, the first person that come into my brain was my nephew. [snorts] And that was when the penny dropped for me. And I just thought, you're fucked. Like, there's no going back here now, Dena. That's it. It's game over. [snorts] What do you do? You've done it. Not realizing I and I'm not going to say I was all blasze and one of them girls with their heads in the clouds, but at the time I was living a life that just was one big roller coaster that I couldn't get off. I was going out on a Friday. I was drinking. I was going out for dinner and then drinking. And before you know it, you're getting in on a Saturday morning at 6 7:00 in the morning, waking up on a Monday, still working my full-time job. And then, yeah, before I know it, I get well, I chose to get in a car and drive the drugs and I didn't make it. >> How much we gain, can you say? >> I wouldn't like to say. not enough to go and face what I had to deal with. Anyway, put it that way. Nobody in the world could ask me to go and do that ever again. It was a hard lesson learned. And what I tried to tell people today is don't block out what's going on in your mind. Speak out and get as much help as you can. And don't allow drink and drugs to cloud your judgment to make you lead to bad choices. You see that a lot of girls coming back from Thailand and other places bringing ash and weed. No, >> it's nuts. But it's people can be easily blindsided though >> by money. >> Yeah, that's what everybody does. Money mean anything when you're sat in a prison cell. I was on remand for 12 months and I can't even explain the thoughts that were going through my mind for them 12 months. Like I didn't at this point you're on remand. I didn't know what I was facing. And I didn't know when I was going to see my family. I let my sisters down. I let my mom down. I don't know why. I was more upset about letting my dad down. Cuz I always see like I don't know for not his approval, but I just thought I've never actually made him proud. I'm really trying my hardest not to cry. I just see approval from people cuz I think I tried [snorts] to carry on being this person and I just everything was failing around me. I couldn't do it anymore. >> So you've got rumbled. Coppers are surrounded you. >> Yeah. >> What you thinking then? >> It's game over. [snorts] Like it's all it kind of I don't think hits that end. But the shock and they opened the doors and he handcuffed me to my steering wheel. And I know I'm not laughing, but he actually said, "Don't try and run off." And I thought, "All right, Einstein, how am I going to run off when I'm handcuffed with a steering wheel on?" And I actually said something sarcastic to him, [snorts] but I can only put it down to the color just I felt everything drain away from my body. I got up that morning, was going about my day. My friend, my best friend's sister wasn't very well. We just got back from Thailand. We've been in Thailand for 2 and 1/2 weeks. I got back on the Tuesday [snorts] stupidly. I wanted to get money back. Got asked to do this job thinking, "Oh, I'll just go and do it." Not thinking about the severity and the consequences that it could do that it could cause. Saturday morning, I get up, dropped my friend off, tablets, dior lights and everything. They were bad from Thailand. And I went in the car and you know what? It was April Fool's Day. April Fool's Day, Saturday 2023. I get in my car at 12:00. By 5:00, I'm sat in Haragut police station on a possession with intense supply 35 kilos of cocaine drug charge. >> Family corpus. About 10. I'd say at least three or four got out of each car undercover non-uniformed. [clears throat] >> Guns or anything? >> No, I don't I don't have guns. Do you know what? I don't remember. I just remember all these bodies coming out from my right hand side cuz obviously I'm moved into the hard shoulder and out of one in the front, one in the at the back and two at the side. The people just surrounded my car and yeah, that was went out one day. Didn't come home. >> Where was the gear and the boot? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Just unbags. >> I didn't even see it. I didn't touch it. I didn't come into contact with it. It was just there in two boxes. And yeah. >> And did you know how much was in it? >> Not at the time. No, not until I got obviously all the feedback from the solicitor and what they were charging me with and they obviously tested it and done all what they needed to do for the um the prosecution's reports. >> Were they asking for names or anything whose it was? people did, but I'm not going to sit there and say I'd done the crime. I knew what I was going out to do that day. Whether I was in a sane mind, a clouded mind, and battling with mental health, I chose to make that journey. No one else. >> And I had to do it. And I do you know what? >> A part of me now is grateful that I made that biggest mistake of my life because it made me do a full 360. I've had time to sit and actually feel my feelings instead of going out and masking them with drink and jumping on planes to go on a holiday when really I was never really happy. I could have had anything I wanted in the world and my dad provided me a good life. My mom provided me a good life. I never wanted for anything. If I wanted anything, my dad spoiled me rotten. And I think that's why I tried to live up to something that my dad provided me with that I thought I can do this on my own. No, you can't. I still wouldn't go without now. My I am a daddy's girl. But at what at what point in your life do you still want to be relying on your dad? >> How long were you questioned for in the court shop? Um the first interview took place the next morning. I remember this solicitor coming in and he looked like he'd fell out the pub and I looked at him I thought you can't represent me surely. But I had to roll with it and he was adamant that he was going to get me bail. Like so in my head I'm thinking the Sunday morning I'm going to be going home. I I genuinely believed there was not a cat in house chance that I was walking out that police station Sunday and he made me believe that I don't know where he come from but he was living in La La Land. I weren't allowed a call. I was in communicado for no one even well they would have knew because my phone was off but I remember phoning my best friend after I got charged. So I was interviewed at 11:00 in the morning. I'd say 10:11. By 1:00 the interview was over. It took a good couple of hours for them to come back and then say basically come out to the desk. And that was at 4:00. I was still waiting from 1:00 till 4 thinking that are they going to come and get me out here. I hadn't hadn't all day Saturday. We're talking Sunday midafter afternoon now. And the C officer interviewed me. She was a woman. She wasn't I don't think she appreciated that I went no comment but I wasn't going to do anything but and she come and got me took me out to the desk and I was thinking what's going on. Obviously I'd never been arrested and she said read it all out 5 we are charging you with um possession with intense supply. Obviously at this point they wouldn't have knew the quantity but it was cocaine. So that was at 4:00 and then when I got back I was dead inside. Like I don't even know. I can't I've got goose pimples now thinking about it. It was just like my whole world had collapsed around me and it sunk in. Then you going to prison. >> When did you go to court? Monday. Hundday morning 6:00 and my mom on the Saturday. So I got to 4:00 and she said, "I suggest you go and get some rest. You're going to need it." This was the C officer. And um at 9:00 I must have slept. 9:00 I was allowed to call somebody. They actually let me have my first call at 9:00 Sunday night. And I rang my best friend and the first thing she said to me was, "Where are you?" And I said, "How?" And I said, "Please don't shout at me." She said, "I'm not coming to shout at you." [snorts] And then they let me phone my dad and I just I don't know if I spoke to my mom. I think my mom might have been with my best friend thinking now, but I rang my dad and I thought he was going to flip the lid at me, but he didn't. He just said, "Don't worry, Bab. We're all here. We'll we'll sort it out." And the next thing I know, half 10, 11:00 at night, my mom and my best friend are in the police station. They let me have a reception visit because I think they felt not that the police felt sorry for me. They don't normally do that anyway. I know that they said that to me, we don't normally do this, but because of the severity of the charge you on. And they put us on a closed visit. And I just remember looking at the two of them behind the glass and my mom come with a case for me, packed me some gym clothes, and got no pajamas. I don't know what they packed for me, but it was just a case to go to court on Monday morning. And they were with me till midnight and then the officers come and got me up at 5:00 in the morning, Monday morning. And I was in the back of one of them vans. It was the worst experience of the whole thing. that patty wagon. I don't know if people call them sweat boxes, but it was horrendous. And I was shaking and I'm going into 72 hours of no food and I'm about to go into a magistrate's court in York and be told that I was going to get remanded. At this point, I still thought I was getting out, thought I was going to get bailed. There was a short money that my dad and his wife put up that they deemed as if they bailed me [snorts] I could be deemed as a flight risk because they found my car parking ticket at Heathro airport that I'd been on a family holiday with my best friend and her family. They deemed me as a flight risk and because of the quantity of the drugs they said that I could either be a threat to my life or the whoever could help me out the country. >> What you thinking when you got remanded? >> My legs were shaking. I'd buckled the my family was stood behind me. My mom was there. My best friend and her sister arrived in court and I was just frail. I couldn't think straight. And when I heard take her down, I literally I went limp down the stairs. You have to go down the spiraly stairs and I was uncontrollably crying. It was I can honestly say the most traumatic experience that I've ever had to face. And it will definitely be a first and a last. It would never be a repeat for me. I see people now like you read up on things and people go back for more. I don't understand it. But I suppose it's a hard lesson learned. It's done a positive for me. >> What was it like in the jail for the first night? >> Awful. Awful. >> What's the procedure for people who don't know in the women's prison? >> So, you put in the back of a van. You're in a contained box with a little window that you can see passing traffic. That is the last bit of freedom that I seen on that day. Um what was April the 3rd on the Monday? Yeah. So I got out double handcuffed. I think they thought like I was going to try and run somewhere again. I don't know. Double handcuffed and handcuffed to two other people either side of me. took in I should have bought a picture. I've got a picture of my ID card. >> Yeah, you can send me it. >> Yeah. And that picture speaks a thousand words. I was crying crying my eyes out in this photo and they're booking you in and checking you in. They're scanning your body with the scanners. They sit you down. And I was crying my eyes out that much that they handed me the phone. is give me a can of Coke. She said, "Have that can of Coke." She could see that my body was shaking in shock, panic, emotion, just all these things. All these feelings were going through my body. And I just rang my mom. I rang my best friend. I rang my dad. I was just like uncontrollably hysterical. Hysterical for hours. I think I got to prison at about 5:00. And by the time it's like a good two two three hour journey in that sweat box from York to Durham I arrived into Low Newton which is a cate high security women's prison that housed Rose West uh prolific murderer Joan Denah baby Pa killer Trace Connelly. So you can imagine the type of people that I was surrounded by. Joan Denny he's still in there and supposedly Lucy letby is there now. >> So you're in there thinking did you know it was game over? >> Do you know what I think because >> did you ever think you would get out? >> Well I'll lead you to that. So that was on the Monday. The following So my first night in jail was mad. I went in I looked at the mattress. It was like a PE mattress from when you were in primary school. It was about that thick and it was blue the color of the mic. And the pillow was like a full loaf of bread, rock solid. Like you wouldn't have even wanted to lie your head on it. You'd have a sore neck the next morning. Awful. I had a telly about that big on a little cabinet. I was quite shocked there was like a phone in the room though, but I think from co they had to put phones in all the rooms cuz obviously they couldn't go out to the phones on the wings and they give me a sandwich. I wouldn't even eat the sandwich. They give me a milk. It was like uh milk. I felt sick. Thought I can't even have a cup of tea. But my mom always used to say when you're feeling a bit shaky, have a cup of tea with two sugars. It will make you feel better. And like her biscuit like a penguin. And I remember Emmerdale being on and they put £3 credit on as emergency credit on my phone cuz that was a Monday. You'd done your canteen sheet on a Tuesday. So, I didn't get credit till Thursday. That credit went in about 20 minutes ringing mobiles. So, I'm frantic crying my eyes out to everyone on the phone. I've got Emma on thinking I don't even watch Emma, but I'm trying to like distract my mind once my credit are gone. And then I know it sounds stupid, but I asked the office. I was on the bow constantly pressing that bell. And you're only meant to press the bell for emergencies. Obviously, it's Denica's world. Everyone else was living in it at that time. So, I didn't care what that bow meant. That bow meant that I just wanted someone there at that hatch to talk to. Cuz when the hatch closed, I think that's when it all sank in. They just shut the door. They don't care. It's 7:00 Monday night. Everyone's banged in. And at the time on induction when you don't get out for association, which is what you get when you're in the main jail. So I didn't meet anyone. I didn't speak to anyone until the next morning. I didn't sleep. I demanded something to help me see. They wouldn't give me anything until I'd seen the doctor the next day to actually be prescribed something. They wouldn't give me nothing. I hadn't I wouldn't eat the sandwich. So, I got I asked the officer. I said, "Can I have a pen and some paper?" I didn't even have any post uh what they called stamps. I didn't have a stamp. I didn't have an envelope to my name. I had nothing. I didn't even get arrested with a bra on. That's how bad it was. But obviously, my mom had bought stuff. And then I started writing letters. I wrote one to my mom, one to my dad, one to my best mate, one to my sisters. I was writing letters to people. I didn't even have any means. But I think I was just letting all my emotion out of what I was feeling in that specific moment onto paper. I don't know if it was helping me or I was just wrapped up in absolute trauma or turmoil. I don't know what to call it. But and I've still got them letters now in an envelope that I've kept because I don't know. So, I kind of like not that I want to look back and read it because it would bring feelings on, but [clears throat] it's just a part of my life that's led me to where I am today. But that was the very start. >> What you thinking going out for breakfast for the first day? >> You didn't get breakfast, >> did you not? >> You didn't get given breakfast in Low Newton. You got you went to the dining hall on the induction ring. It's very different. And the food comes over in them silver containers on trolley and you go and get your hot meal. You get one hot meal a day in prison. That's the only hot meal you're getting. And when you're there, you get a packet of cereal, a piece of fruit, and then at night, you'll get a tea pack with your milk, your sugars, and whatever you've ordered on your tea pack. But because I'd gone in and hadn't wrote a dinner menu out, I was just getting the one, two, three, and four choices. the ones the shit shit choice just going forward. I ended up loving the food. It's actually mad how much I settled in when I went to the main jail. But I didn't eat from that Monday. I still had net from the Saturday I got arrested. I didn't eat till the following Thursday till I went and got transferred off the induction wing after 9 days on there. And it the day I got transferred into the main jail, I was up for chambers and it got denied. So that's when I knew I weren't going home. Up until this day on the Thursday, I remember it, the 9th of April, 7 days after on the Monday. No, some the following Thursday anyway, I was on the induction wing and they come and said to me, "Grite, get your stuff together. You're going." And at this point, I was shitting myself that I ain't going in that main jail. I didn't know what to expect. I was already getting questioned because of the quantity of drugs that I'd been caught with. No one in that jail probably had ever seen anything bigger than a bag of coke, let alone 35 kilo of it. So, there was already talk going around about me and the charge I was on. And they're all from up there. I had a different accent. I was being told that I was a spy from Scotland Yard. I got told that I sounded posh and I left them and thought if anyone from Coventry could hear you say that I sound posh, they'd definitely beg to differ. I mean, I don't speak badly, I'd like to think. But I wasn't from Newcastle. I wasn't a Jordi. I wasn't from Durham or Sunderland. I was like an alien from outer space to everyone up there. >> How many of these girls are on drugs in there? They were smoking whiskan which is IBS tablets. There's a hallucenic in it and they just go around off their trolley. They're that off their trolley. But one of them was sitting on the landing with a little blue plastic mug asking for spare change. And I looked and thought I ain't got any fucking spare change. If I did, I'd give it you. But I didn't. Alls I had at this point was oils. Your vape oils, which that was your currency in prison. If you had oils, you could buy what you wanted. For me, I made a very big choice. Not that I would have went in there and took drugs what they were on. You wasn't getting your recreational party drugs you'd get in IBA. Put it that way. They were taking like that uh is it subetch? Subet, which is I don't know an equivalent to what heroin addicts take. >> Yeah. Subex. They were taking pregablins. They were on anything. Prescription drugs. Spice was there. >> They had like influxes of it where people would get it in. I think it was getting sent in in paper forms. >> Are you getting a visit every day on remand? >> No, I had so I was went on remand I was remanded on the Monday and my mom, my little sister and my best friend come up on the Thursday. That was my first reception visit and yeah, it was a very emotional visit. It was bad. I just felt so disappointed in myself, especially looking at my little sister. Um, I felt like I'd let my best friend down and she didn't even know what I was about to do that day. And my mom massively. But do you know what? I love my mom for who she is because most people, their moms wouldn't get it. But my mom's so on a level like she was just so positive and she is so positive. But yeah, she just got it. Whereas some I'm more scared of my dad than my mom. My mom's like my best friend. I think growing up, my mom had me. She was 21. So I seen a lot from my mom in her younger years growing up, which is how we had that bond. Like sisters, >> hey, >> like sisters. >> Yeah, sisters that do fight like cat and dog, but at the same time, we love each other dearly. >> So, see, when you're going through the mind, what were you saying? What was your lawyer saying? Was he telling you how severe it was? We could potentially be getting 12 years, 15 years. >> The first time I heard a number come out, I had my barristister on a video link. I hadn't met him in person yet. and he started telling me between 9 and 12 years and I said to him, "Not a chance." Like, "There's no way in God's green earth that you're not going to get me a lesser number." I didn't. In my head, I don't know what I thought I was going to get. I think my dad played it down to me because he didn't want to be realistic with me. But at the same time, I don't think he probably didn't want to lie to me either. But in my head, I knew that I wasn't this big criminal gangster. I wasn't living a leading life like with all these lavish luxury items. Some of them, some things were just bought through working. Do you know what I mean? I didn't have any means. Didn't own a property. Had a car. My dad bought me my car. >> Yeah. Lucky I didn't own anything cuz they would have exactly the proceeds. >> But um the barristister just said to me one day, you're looking at between 9 to 12 years. And I I got really like not aggressive to him, but I spoke a bit out of turn. Like I think he's seen a different side of me and was on the phone to my dad like, "You better tell this sister." My dad was like, "Anything I asked my dad to do, he was straight on it." But I was due to be sentenced in the May. No, sorry. I put my early guilty plea in in May and I knew I had to go guilty without caught banging to Right. There was no way out of it. I was going guilty. From the minute I got caught, I knew it was guilty and that was it. And then I think the first scheduled sentencing date was July. At this point, I'd been in April, May, June, 4 months, and it got pushed back. Why? I can't remember. Cuz there was that many times the date got pushed back. It went from July to September to December. At this point I'm pushing 9 months in jail. Then it got pushed back just before Christmas which kept affecting me getting on this better wing that had the facilities to cook, do your own washing, had an on suite. I got there in the end. I made sure I got there. But yeah, I think I got sentenced in the January or it was the end of Jan coming into Feb. So I'd done like 11 months, 10 11 months before I was sentenced. It got pushed back about four times due to reports not being in, prosecution not being ready, both parties not available on certain dates and then obviously before Christmas. I know that everything shop was shut in the courts and it weren't opening back up till obviously the new year. So I had to go my first Christmas in jail still hanging over my head that I didn't know how long I was going to be facing. >> What was that like? First Christmas in jail. >> Awful. Awful. Anyone of my family and anyone will tell you how much I love Christmas. It's like the biggest thing ever to me. Like my mom would run past the whole dinner past me, not my sisters, just to make sure it was up to my preference. Like just anything. I just loved it. Um, I'd already spent my first birthday and Christmas in the May. That was a very different birthday. I already done I always done something big with my friends or it was a holiday more than likely. Uh, waking up to like a little piece of paper with people writing happy birthday on it and folding it over to put up in my pad. It certainly brought me down a peg or two. >> What about New Year? >> Awful. Do you know what they all do in New Year? They all bang on their doors at 12:00 and press their bowels just to wind up the screws. Half of them are off their barnets on drugs. And there's me watching Big Ben on the telly crying. My eyes out. >> But you ever saw us say? >> Yeah. Yeah, I was. I was close to a lot of points in my life where I just thought I don't think I'm going to get through this. Only the points in remand. I think when you sentenced it allows you to have a picture. You've got an end goal in mind. Whereas during that 11 months in remand and hearing knockbacks or more information or just stuff that you don't want to hear. Yeah. It it challenged me in ways that even after a bender, I don't think I'd felt as bad as I did how I did in Jer on remand. >> See, you took the deal. Did you find out what you were getting? >> No, it's just I had to accept the guilty plea. There wasn't no deal. It was standing up in court. Obviously, I didn't have to run trial cuz I plead guilty. And they prosecution was pushing for a leading role. Obviously I was had nothing far from it and they put me in the significant role at a career level which got me the lesser end of a significant role which was 9 years. The higher end was 12. That hearing the judge say them numbers. I still to that point didn't think that he was going to start at 9. What the judge say? >> That I was stupid. Uh, I got a judge that literally, I mean, no judge would approve drugs, but he had a very high opinion on drugs because apparently one of his children, he lost them to drugs. So, you can imagine how much he frowned upon it even more. And I I don't know that for definite, but that was the story that I got given from the girls in prison that knew the judge. >> Do you have any previous? >> No. Well, I'm saying no. When I was 18, I got caught drink driving. >> Yeah, that's fuck all. >> But no, I lived a very I'm going to say a good citizen life. I paid my taxes for my jobs. >> Yeah, but nobody will be looking at that if you call 35 kilo. No, they didn't care. I mean, I did get 9 years [clears throat] >> because that's the big sentence, though. Because there's drug lords out there who'll get caught with a thousand, 2,000 and still only get seven years, six years. >> Wow. I think he went to he made an example of me and he said to me, "I don't ever want to see you before me or any other judge in this." Well, at all, I don't know if he said in this country. He said that I was basically an amateur. stupidity. Basically, a disgusting young girl that made a choice that has put me in this position and you either get on with it or lump it. Basically, I weren't getting out of it anyway, put it that way. And I remember standing, the judge was lower, I was higher, and my family were behind me here on a glass screen. And I kept trying to turn around and my dad touched the glass. And at that point, I just my whole world fell apart. My mom was crying. I'd never seen my mom and my dad stood within a two feet of each other in my whole life until I'm stood in a courtroom. And it just broke my heart. [snorts] It was awful. But I put myself there. And then by the time I got back to the prison again, and I'm going to be honest with you, I sneaked my vape in my bra. [snorts] I couldn't live without that vape. I only vaped when I drank out on the out. But going in that vape just become my comfort. And I thought I can't go in that journey knowing the journey I went on going to Low Newton for the first time without that vape. So I put my big coat on. It was January. It was freezing. And they put me in the patty wagon. I put my hood on. I was made out. I was wrapping myself up in my coat and I puffed that vape like someone was gonna take it away from me. God knows how they didn't see all the smoke. Literally choked myself to death for 2 and 1/2 hours. But I got back and 6 to 9 month. No, six year 9 months they gave me. But I got it down six. if you give me 9 months off of good behavior plus the early guilty plea which I got a third off [snorts] so I was going home with six year well home I say home it wasn't home well it did become home six years in my head I'd already done a year in my head so I had two to do and at this point I was smashing the gym the gym took a big shine to me all the staff I was already past level one the basic I've learning how manual handling, physical education, blahy blah gym floor. I'd started my level two qual I I could make something of myself through this gym. It gave me peace every day. I went down there six days a week. I had clarity. I had an end goal. I knew the date I was getting out when my charge sheet come through the door. At the point at this point, they didn't offer any HDC tags because my c my sentence started at 9 years. You had to have 6 years or below to receive tag. So, I weren't getting tagged. So, there's that 6 months gone. So, this was in the January coming into Feb and I'd started my level two qual fitness instructor. I was already training to run a half marathon in the gym on the treadmill. I raised money. People were signing their canteen sheets giving me 50p, 20p a pound and it was deducted out of their amount that you got. Um, yeah, and I built up a really good rapport with one of the gym staff. He was just so amazing and he got me through a lot. He dealt with the tears. He dealt with the emotions. He dealt with me when I was at my worst and probably having a bad day and speaking a little bit like shit to him. Not shit, but retaliating and just being gobby. Not gobby, but you know, if you're having a bad day, you can't just disregard it in a way. It comes out in a way that you don't want it to. [snorts] And then in the July, was it in the July 25? Yeah, because it's 2024. So in July in 2024, there was talks that people were getting reduced sentences, SDS sentences, and I thought, "Oh my god, I'm going home early." In my head, I already knew I I already told myself that I was going to get it. Karma coming to the government. And then I remember getting the the new recalculated sheet in the August 2024 and it had a reduced sentence of and know instead of serving 50% of my sentence what I was from leaving court on the day I got sentenced I now only had to serve 40%. So it recalculated my date from April the 3rd 2026 to October the 25th 2025 something like that. But then what come after that in the October sentences from six years sorry up to 9 years and below you were then eligible for tag. So my date when my release date went from oc from April the 3rd originally 2026 to October 2025 to February 25 with my tag. Like if that ain't someone looking down on me I don't know what is. At this point, it weren't a good thing for me. When I was told I was going home early, I remember ringing home and breaking down on the phone to my best friend saying, "I don't want to come home. I'm not ready to come home." >> Why? >> I think I was so at peace with who I was in prison. I weren't ready. Like, it was just bought at me like a ton of bricks. I think I dealt with being told I was going home early worse than what I did going into prison. I genuinely believed the feeling I felt was like, "Wow, I'm not ready to go out." I didn't even know if I was ready to face my family in after being through a period of time on my own. Like, there was a time before prison where I couldn't be alone. I didn't feel safe being alone. I sat in my thoughts. I see for approval after everyone. I needed to be in somebody's company. And do you know how strong and resilient and at peace I felt being alone in prison? It was something that I'd never had before. I felt like I built somebody in that two years that I would never have built if that situation didn't happen to me. I had no choice. Whereas before I had choices. Friday night you sat at home on your own prior to prison. If I didn't want to be on my own, I'd ring up anybody to go out and have a drink. Obviously, they were my friends. Would just go and speak to a stranger. I'd do anything. If you're hungry, what you going to do? You go out and eat cuz that's just the thing to do. In prison, I had no choices. I didn't even have choice to have a toilet roll. I had to ask for one. I had to ask for a razor. Didn't even have makeup. I was using a crayon for lip liner on my visits. See, when you got sentenced though, did you not feel a sigh of relief that you could just now get your head down and get on with it? >> Yeah, it was an end goal. I [clears throat] now had clarity and I had that vision of knowing what the person I'd become in them 11 months on remand. And at this point, I still thought I had 2 years. But then new dates come in, when the new government laws come in, cuz the prisons were overcrowded. And I freaked out. I freaked out in my head. I was going home on April the 3rd, 2026. Still what meant for now? >> 26. >> Yeah. So I would have been home now what 6 months. >> So once you get sentenced, did you see the difference between people who have been sentenced to remand? Did you notice the difference from the jails >> in me or in other people >> and the people? >> Yeah. I mean, no. >> Is there a lot more calmer once you're sentenced? >> Yeah. I think the gym staff notices the change in me, but I was like, >> was it the same gy? >> Yeah, I stayed in the same prison. I um turned down to go to open prison. >> Why? >> Because I was enrolled on my level two fitness instructor, qual. And I knew in my head that I weren't stopping at level two. I wanted to go home and be a qualified personal trainer. >> But couldn't you have finished that even if you went to >> because I said I built up the rapport with the gym [clears throat] staff. I knew I wasn't going to find that anywhere else. I didn't deal with change well. I just thought I'm just going to stay here. I'm happy. I'm on a mental health wing. I'm got counseling. I'm seeing a psychologist. I had access to a kitchen that had a George Foreman cooker. I was out a little bit more. I was going to the gym six days a week, training four or five hours a day. Only one hour on a Saturday. Sunday was my rest day. No, Saturday was my rest day. Sunday I went to the gym for an hour on a Sunday. So you were going to your open, you'd have got home leaves every 3 weeks. >> Yeah. >> And you you rejected that. >> I declined it, but then I got home leaves in the November of 2024. I was had to go through all the channels with the probation outside and I got my first home leave. I say home leave. I was allowed out in Durham with my family and we went to a hotel there. It's like quite a nice hotel. It's got nice grounds. It's a golf resort and we spent the day there and had like dinner and stuff. Christmas, it was approaching my second Christmas in prison and my mom, my best friend and my little sister come. >> What's the worst thing you've seen in prison? >> Somebody unconscious in their pad for overdosing on spice. Like they've gone over. They were blue. and we opened the door and she was gone on the floor. It's pretty freaky shit. And obviously I was in the dining hall with Joan Denah. Sure you know or heard of her. >> Who is Joan Den here for people who don't know >> she is a prolific murderer that went on a killing spree and I believe I'm going to guess here. I might be wrong so don't quote me on it. At least three people she murdered in one spree and she got done for attempted murder on a couple that I don't think died. She hated men. She was actually in a relationship with Rose West before Rose West got shipped out to New which is down in Leeds in going to say West Yorkshire. Is it East Yorkshire? >> How has it been around these sort of people murderers and pedophiles? because I was part of the gym staff. That was my job. I got paid. So, I was there when other wings used to come down because I was seen as a more I don't know, someone that could be hands-on in the gym, help with the gym orderers that were cleaning. I had it good with the gym staff. I could walk in the office and make myself coffee if I wanted. I had them getting me stuff from Gregs. They looked after us because if they seen potential and you actually put the work in, which I was. I was doing classroom work. I never thought for once in my life after leaving college, let alone scraping five GCSEs, they were seeing above, but going back and learning to do something. I just never would have imagined it. But prison led me to start rebuilding myself in there to then potentially come out. I mean, don't get me wrong, life was hard coming out. I had to rebuild life in the outside. I built the person in there up, but that person wasn't ready for community life yet. And that is where my anxiety and PTSD and everything affected me coming home. But thankfully, I had a lot of support network around me. How was it being on a home leave for the first time with your family? It >> felt really weird. I felt like I looked like an alien because I was see-through from no sunlight or vitamin D. I've always used to been having a tan going on a sunbed. I know that sounds quite shallow, but I felt like I even looked like a different person than the person I went in. I was a lot lighter as well. Obviously, I was smashing gem, but my lifestyle changed. So, I probably looked a healthier version. But to me, I felt weird. I was even on my sister's phone. I think I was. She actually laughed at me and took the phone and went, "Oh my god, you look like mom." Cuz I was doing the old thing that old people, older people do, and that stopped me being agistious there. Your parents look weird on an iPhone, don't they? >> But yeah, and they put the tunes on in the car for me. It was quite upbeat in the car. And I remember just walking into this hotel and seeing this big 20ft Christmas tree and yeah, it was weird. I was out in public. I haven't been out in public for nearly 20 minutes. >> Are you scared? >> Shitting myself. It's even weird being in a car seeing like the screen in the car and people's phones linked up to it. Hadn't used the phone for nearly 2 years. Don't forget I'm approaching the end of my sentence here cuz the reduced sentence. So that Christmas was the second Christmas and my last Christmas in jail. That Christmas was a lot better than the first one there. I actually got up in the morning cuz I was on the different wing. So I had access I was making stuffing balls and homemade George puddings at 9:00 in the morning to put on the dinner we were getting out the dining hall just to make it a bit better for all the girls. Some of them didn't even know how to cook. So I kind of mthered everyone. They looked up to me a bit. I had a lot more life experience than some. They were lifers. I was surrounded by pedophiles, which I weren't comfortable with. And that's [snorts] an opinion that I will have. And I think many will agree with me. But I had no choice but to live with one. I live next door to one, but I took advantage of that cuz I used to give her an oil for a can of pot when I had nothing left on a Sunday. >> What did she do? you'd have to she dressed up as a school girl and lured the kids into thinking that she was going to befriend them and took them to her boyfriend who sexually abused the children from primary school. She got 18 years still in there now. >> Yeah. How difficult. >> She lived next door to me. I was number one. I've got goosebased cell number one. She was number two. Seeing you're there that long though, do you actually forget their crimes or do you always sort of remember? >> Everyone, some people would have an opinion on me giving her an oil to get her a can of pop, but she always had loads of stuff. I don't know why she always had stuff left on a Sunday, but it was either that or end up on the Jesus water out the tap. I'd run out my bottled waters on a Sunday. You had to wait for Monday for canteen day. So, it was like you'd have to go on the hustle on a Sunday. Obviously, for me, I had oils. I had money being given to me every week. My personal cash. Some people don't get personal cash on top of their work money that they've earned in the week, whatever job they do in prison. I was getting £50 a week, £33 private, and the rest was given to me from my paid from the gym. I was on the best paid job in the jail. So 50 quid a week in prison is a lot. >> Was there much trouble in there with the other women? >> Yeah. The girls that lived up there, I've seen that many fights. I've lost count. They would kick the shit out of each other over a bit of spice, a bus tablet, if someone owed them summit, or if they didn't pay back with what they said they were going to pay back with. They were even doing bank transfers, their families, sending money to other people, and then that would be their debt paid. Mental. And I just didn't choose that path. I thought this is the time where you're going to change your ways, Dena. And I wouldn't have got involved in any of that. But that's not to say that I didn't make that choice because I did. It is a choice. And I always believe, well, I always stood by the fact that I said, "I can't believe I've had to come to prison to change my life." And one of the prison staff said to me, and I remember it still to this day, he said, "You haven't come to prison to change your life because you still could have come to prison and still not sorted yourself out. So, you've made that choice and here you are now leaving prison with a level three diploma and personal training and I've actually made something of myself and now it's down to me in the community to choose what to do with that, which is what I did. I hit the ground running." What was your daily routine like? >> Very regimental. Every day was the same. I knew what was coming Monday to Sunday. I knew on a Monday morning, start on a Monday, I'd go down to I'd wake up at 8, bowels on for exercise. The whole landing would be on the bowels. You'd want to get out and get that exercise in the yard. 9:00 you'd go back in. You'd have a coffee. You'd get movement. Half nine, you'd go down the gym. I'd be at the gym till 12:00. I'd train for the whole 3 hours, half 9 till 12, 2 and 1/2 hours. You'd go dining all at 12:00, get your dinner. Uh you get locked back in 12 till 2 cuz it's uh the prison officers go for their lunch. 2:00 movement, back to the gym. I'd be at the gym 2 till 4, go back to the wing. You'd get at this time the routine changed, but this time you get locked straight back in at 4. association was at 5 association meaning you got out on the wing you could cook if you had your own food which I bought on the canteen and you'd be out till 7:00 5 till 7 was your free time but if you weren't in a wing I was on you'd have to use that time to have a shower which is communal showers in the main jail I was on a separate wing called Iwing and believe it or not I can only explain it as to picture it as an Ibis hotel wooden bed wooden wardrobes, a desk, and a pretty decent on suite. So, I could shower whenever I wanted, which was good for me cuz the gym get banged in at 7. At this point, I was hooked on Emma, Emmaale, Coronation Street. I'd watch Love Island if it was on and I absolutely kicked the ass out of all their um Desperate Housewives. I watched every single one. I've never watched a in my life, but I can tell you every episode from every continent now. Watched all the toys. Like, what else do you do when you locked in? And then on the weekends, you were banged in at 4:00 in the afternoon and you weren't getting out till 9:00 Saturday morning. And it was early bang up on weekends, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. >> See, you got your release date and you knew you were getting out. How were you feeling a couple of days before it before your release? >> Shit myself. Everyone crying. I think a part of me was excited, but again, that was me trying to pretend that I was not I wasn't being honest with myself how I was feeling. And again, there was little parts of my old behaviors still showing, trying to put a front on that I'm now this strong character. I'd changed in my ways mentally, but I think there was still parts of me trying to mask how scared I was because I had this qualification. And now it was down to me to take it with two hands and do something with it. And I was doubting myself. I was scared. I knew I was going to feel vulnerable rebuilding my life again. Luckily for me, I didn't go home to nothing. Some of them girls in there the day I was leaving, I left them with a pair of Nike socks. You would have thought it was all their Christmases come at once. I left them everything. The only thing I went out of prison with was my coursework, the new clothes that I bought on one of my my second home leave where I got a chance to stay out for the night. I only got two of them. One two in Durham and one in Coventry back home. And then they didn't let me have another one for some reason. And I weren't allowed to go and stay back at my home where I lived prior to prison. I still had that there. My friend stayed in that while I was away and kept it on for me. The rented property. She paid the rent, which I was fortunate in that aspect cuz I still had somewhere to go back and call home instead of going back to live with my mom. That would have been chaotic. >> How was it getting out for the first day? >> My dad picked me up and I cried my eyes out. I saying bye to everybody. I cried just as much leaving the gates as I did going in. It become a place where I finally found peace with myself. I created well I built myself. Obviously I didn't have access to drink. I weren't going out partying. I was very grounded. I come out very humble. Nothing mattered anymore. I weren't living up to being this person that had something to prove. I didn't want to be around anyone for one. I'd obviously found peace being alone. Yeah, I was scared. I was shitting myself. And to top it off, I was electronically tagged, which is not the best look for a female with that rounder ankle. >> How long you on the tag for? >> 6 months. The whole way through summer. Spent my first birthday with it on in the May. I was released in February 2025. I was 37 in the May. Lost three years of my life really from 34 where I was 2 and a half. >> But yeah, it was a shock. What was the plans when you got out >> to let everyone know that I'm a personal trainer and I'm to be quite honest with you, I had a very very big opportunity come up in a local gym which I've asked them and they want me to obviously give them a shout out today. It was fitness factory where my mom lives in my hometown and they gave me the opportunity to go in there and have free reign of pinging from there. I paid my rent and I can honestly say the support they've given me and the community I've built to where I am today. 18 months as of the end of this month I've been home. I started ptinging in there on the 17th of March. And the reason I remember that is because it's my middle sister's birthday. So I was released on the 28th of February. On the 17th of March, I'm walking into a gym with an ankle bracelet on that I'm horrified about. Still trying to find my feet. shit in myself and yeah, I've smashed out PTS that just hit the ground running. I don't know how I built myself up. I don't know. It must have just been always been my calling was to be in fitness. And if you had have asked me to be a personal trainer prior to prison, I would have looked at you and laughed. But here I am 18 months on with a very big clientele with people that have stuck with me, trusted me, and are now proving that I am good at what I'm doing and that is helping people. And it's not even just physically because I know that all my clients that come to me know that I've come from a very dark place mentally. And that's not to say that my life's perfect now because it's not. But I know that what I'm doing is gonna help other people and it's got me to where I am today. [snorts] And I'm still not perfect as you can see. I am still broken. But I've had to find my way in the open again and living in the community as I did in prison. I built this person up behind closed doors, behind prison bars. But I had to then do it again and learn how to live again. It was hard. >> What was your biggest fear about coming out? >> Not being the person I was before prison. And I found it hard. And I think this is where it leads me to today. [snorts] Um, am I allowed to get my phone for this? >> Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, it's leading me to a decision that I've made that hasn't been a hard decision, but certain aspects of my life that's gone on from release to now. I haven't slipped back into my old ways, but I know that drink doesn't benefit me. And this is why I'm making a decision to go completely sober. Since coming out of prison, I've been trying to build that different version of myself. And I didn't want to come home and repeat old lifestyle and old behaviors. And in a lot of ways, I haven't. I know that I've changed massively. And I'm proud of the person I am. [snorts] But I've had to be honest with myself about alcohol. What does it actually bring to my life when I know I don't enjoy it anymore? I'm a PT and I feel that there's a lot of pressure to live in a world where some people don't get it to be sober. I had no choice to be sober in prison, but now it doesn't go with what I'm doing. And I've gone months without it. I don't miss it. I don't get an urge to have a drink. All I know is when I've had a drink, the next day I haven't missed it. It doesn't add purpose to my life. And when I look back over the years, even recently, it's cost me a lot. I've made mistakes. It's created situations that I've never wanted to happen. And it's hurt people around me and it's just not doing anything for me. And if I don't make this decision now, who's not to say that I could go back to my old ways? Because I'm only human. Just [snorts] cuz I made the biggest mistake in my life, it doesn't mean that I'm not going to continue to make them. Oh god. >> [gasps] >> So anyway, I just want to become better in every aspect of my life. And I know now that alcohol just isn't going to allow me. I'm I'm better in a lot of areas, but like I say, I can only make progress. I'm not perfect. And regardless of the outcome of what it purpose it serves to me or the people around me, I know that I'm doing it just solely for me. And it takes away that pressure of oh god why don't you have a drink? Oh god you're allowed a little um blowout why and then it's like no one drags you and forces you to do anything. But for me it's just not giving me what I need now. [sighs] And yeah, basically me and Al, we've had a long enough relationship and it's time that I removed it out of my life. And hopefully, I can't say forever because I don't know. But right now, Denica is sober. And you know how much that feels a relief to say that because when I come home, yeah, I'd been sober in prison. And I'm not saying I've gone out partying because I haven't. But I have not been okay in drink at times. And I think that's a lot of trauma that still I probably think that I've had all the counseling and psychologist input. [snorts] But I know that I'm not fully okay. I'm still broken inside and people expect me to be this big superior person cuz I'm a PT, but clearly I'm not. Alcohol is one of the most glorified drugs on the planet though, you know, and especially what you've been through. It was the party that led you to where you were. >> So, it's always you don't want to be fucking with the devil and then >> No, it only takes one bad one bad party, one >> other circumstance when it's a bad choice. >> Yeah. And that's what [snorts] negatives do. >> It's just not serving me a purpose. And I I take my hat off to anyone that wants to go out and drink and have a good time, but [clears throat] for me, it's not bringing me happiness. It's just allowing me to resurface trauma, but it hasn't fully left me. Who knows, I might need more therapy or and I am starting a healing journey. I'm already three sessions in. [snorts] And I do box. I box with my boxing trainer Ryan and I do speak to him, but that is a a way to allow me to release that tension or build up of [snorts] I don't know. I just find ways to have coping mechanisms in a way through fitness as opposed to I do wanting to go and get drunk cuz I don't enjoy it. I don't enjoy it. I enjoy waking up on a Sunday morning and going to my high rocks class. And I've recently found a new love for Shredfast, which my sister, she's led me in both to these, which she'll laugh herself. She introduced Hyrox to me. We've now she started out shred fasting and we are currently in training to become Shredfast athletes. So, in the next coming months, I'm going to be a Shredfast athlete with the ability to teach in PT forms and group classes. >> So, I've got a journey that I've got my brain engaged. I'm learning something new. I'm expanding on my skill set. And I know that that is where my love is now. It's not about going out. I don't want to go out partying. when I've got the ability to leave the country because I'm still serving. When my license ends, I will take holidays, but they will be very different as opposed to the Denique of 3 years ago. Well, it will be 6 years ago when my license ends. >> What's your biggest fear? >> Letting myself down again, letting my family down. being just never losing my freedom again, never putting myself in a situation where I have to learn all it's like going back to school and I had to learn not so much the math side or your English. It's learning how to live again. I don't ever want to go back to rock bottom and have to rebuild and I'm not going to say my life's great now because it isn't. But I've made progress and that's the best that I can ask of myself. >> Yeah, clearly you've made progress. You've come out. You've made a few changes. We all We're all a work in process. What's your biggest regret? >> Drink and drugs. Mixed up in a world that I didn't know was going to last for 20 years of my life. Let's be honest. If I sat out on the party scene when I was 18, I was 34 when I went to prison. I'm 38 now. So, I at least lost what 16, 17 years prior to prison of living a life that what did it achieve? It didn't achieve anything. Some of the girls I went to school with, and I'm not saying it's everything, some owned their own properties. Some have got children. Okay, relationships didn't work out in the past, for me to have children. But I don't know, maybe if I didn't live that lifestyle, would things have been different? Probably, yeah. Would I have gone to prison? Probably not. But the thing that I look back on now is I wish I'd done things different, but I'm glad where prison's led me to today. So, in a way, I'm grateful for the experience and that period of my life to the person I am today. >> Do you feel good or do you still struggling every day? Because you've got to give yourself some credit. Obviously, what you done was fucking wrong. People are going to jump all over that. But to keeping the head, not losing yourself completely, not being taking your own life, not getting f of spice in there because that happens as many people go into these prisons with no addictions whatsoever. But just so much pressure turns it, you know, yourself. It's that escape and before you know it, there's no going back. >> My motto I've said was prison save me, fitness was the making of me. And that's something that's resonated in my head for I'd say at least the last 15 months where I started to build, I started to grow, I've built a reputation with the community that I'm working with. I'm doing mixed group classes. I'm doing boot camps. I've got an online coaching app. So, I know the steps I'm making is allowing me to grow. And I'm far from that person that I was back in 2023 on April Fool's Day. I'll never look at April Fool's Day in the same light again cuz all the jokes and pranks I made being a child. That is the biggest joke that could have happened to me back. >> Did you ever think it was on April Fools when you were getting surrounded? >> I wish it was. >> But then even though it's the worst thing in your life, it's probably saved your life. >> It has massively. I genuinely believe I either would not be here today or I'd be serving a lot longer time in prison if I continue to make any more bad choices as I did on that day. I wouldn't be here or I'd not be here in the community. I'd be behind bars. And I'm glad and grateful for the path that God's chose me to go on. Maybe some people above are looking down on me that are not here with us today. And there's one person that is up there and it's my mom's best friend and she did kill herself. And she always used to say, I don't know why she'd always call me by my full name. See you Denique five. You'd fall in shit and come out smelling the roses. And I believe that's what happened. And I believe that she was watching over me. She was my guardian angel. Are >> you still crying emotional every day with what you've been through? >> Yeah, there's parts of me that will have them days. >> Well, you always an emotional person before that. >> Yeah, my mother's child. Not at stupid things. I've just seen a lot. I've lived a very is the words sporadic. Spiraled lifestyle. It's the wrong word, isn't it? crazy, >> crazy lifestyle. >> I've seen a lot. I've witnessed a lot. Had to grow up quickly. Got wrapped up in the wrong lifestyle as a teenager. Went all through my 20s. And yeah, all I can look back now is and never become that person that I want once was wrapped up in that life. >> Who do you feel you have let down the most? my mom and my dad, my sisters and my nephew and my best friend. They're the main people in my life that mean the most to me. I lost a couple of years with my nephew. He's a young he was a young kid when I went in. I had a really good bond with him. Obviously, I've got kids myself, so he was like my little son, but he was my sister's son. Yeah, >> but they must be proud of you as well. You seem to have a strong family unit. I have >> who stick by you no matter what. >> I wouldn't be where I am today without the support network at work. My younger sisters are both very opposite to me. They're very successful. They've got degrees. They helped me where I am today with FiveStar Fitness. Yeah. I wouldn't be where I am today without my mom, my dad's support, my sisters, and having that one-on-one time with my nephew, and yeah, having my best friend there to have stood by me the way she did. >> Yeah. But legacy, >> not everybody has that circle. And I seen it firsthand in prison. People like they they wanted to go back to prison. When I was there, people would come through like a revolving door. And I thought, why is she back in here again? They went out to nothing. They wanted to be in prison cuz they had a roof over the head. They had hot water. They had a hot meal a day. They had routine. They had structure. They had nothing to come out to other than a sleeping bag and a duffel bag that they got released from prison with stuff out of DPA. DPA is where they get clothes if you haven't got clothes. I put all my clothes in DPA. Every time I got new ones, I'd give them away because I'd never mixed with people that had nothing. And do you know how much it bought me down from here to here to see people with nothing? And I thought, if you think your life's been challenging, Dica, imagine how they feel. And that is where I become more grounded. And that is why today I'm not going to say I'm not living a nice life, but I don't chase the life that I did before prison. >> How did the media treat you? >> Do you know? I don't know. I've never really looked. It's not something that I actually want to see. The gym staff made fun of me about the mug shot on the internet. I think it only reached like the local area of Haragot. Are you on about social media? >> No. Like the news? >> Yeah. No, I didn't make the news. And because I was up in Durham, I didn't know if it was going to go on the local news. It didn't. I don't know if it was because of the quantity of the drugs that they kept it out the media, but alls I know is I made it into the local area of where I was arrested and obviously because I was sentenced in York, it didn't make its way down the country, which yeah, I don't know why. Were you surprised you built up a sort of following and a sort of customers with your past? >> Do you feel as if you have to be open with everyone that comes into your life? >> I didn't. I didn't. I hid it from a lot of my clients until I started speaking openly about where I was, how I was in fit with involved in fitness today and what what it led me to, what led me there. Some of my clients didn't know until that post went out. I think I announced it on Instagram. Um, yeah, I announced it on Instagram and become open about it rather than I think because I'd done so well in the time up until this post went out. I finally had something that I could be proud of instead of being ashamed of hiding the fact of I was where I was today because I've been in prison. Excuse me. >> Mhm. Does that make sense? I hold I kind of held my head in shame >> even though I had an anip bracelet on like the whole of the gym seen it but still in my head some people didn't know. >> What was it like going public the first time with it then? Why and why why do it then? >> I think a lot of people that care about me and that are close to me kind of highlighted how well I've done. Like be proud of yourself. stop being so ashamed and the influence from my sisters and the path that I was taking with high rocks with my sister like we shared something we shared same interest and I was just kind of like not wanting to be vocal about how what led me there what led me to this fitness journey and I I don't know something just come over me one day and I just thought I'm going to do it and I did do it. How was the response? >> Unbelievable. Like I've only ever had one negative message. Do you know what? What did they say? Something like, "You shouldn't have been so dumb to get in a car with drugs." All right, Einstein. We know that. But do you know what I mean? It was one of them comments. One comment out of I'm going to say 20, 30, 40,000 responses. Tik Tok 250,000 views and comments. Like the impact I've had and the impact it's had, sorry, the response I've had and the impact it's had on me has given me even more fire in my belly to not want to stop where I'm stopping today. And I won't stop even when I get to the top. the sky's is the limit and that is what drives me fitness and people and knowing that I've took them out of either a poor mindset or allowed them to become more confident physically in their own bodies. >> When you at your happiest >> when I'm training and putting myself through pain which is probably a form of I'm going to say self harm to an extent but not in a way that people would normally relate self harm to. You try and do a Shredfast workout and tell me how you feel in the middle of it. You are the Shredfast owner states it as you're in the trenches. You're in your darkest place. I've done High Roxes and thought I was going to die and I've actually got my first single solo coming up in October. That's making me nervous, but I know I've got to go out there and give it my best shot. But that is when I feel in pain. But that is when I know at the end of it that I look back and say I've just done that the same way I looked back and said to the prison journey I'll smash that. I done it on my own two feet. I wouldn't say I've done it standing on my head cuz not every day was sunshine and roses. And not every day now is fitness and roses. >> Do you have nightmares? >> Yes. I have sleepless nights. I strug struggle going to sleep at night. I can't switch off. Probably a bit of ADHD going on. Never diagnosed medically, but probably looking at being assessed. My behavior is very addictive. I've got an addictive personality, but I've changed it now to fitness. before it was party and probably recreational drug use, food even is one of my addictions. There's a lot of behaviors that people close to me would notice that I've got a very addictive personality. It could be anything and I'll obsess over it. Take me to a restaurant and I'll talk about it for 6 months. Like it's quite ind depth of the obsessive compulsive disorder that comes out in my natural dayto-day person. >> OCD >> 100%. 100%. Like when I tell you I clean my pad in prison four times a day. I bleached it. I had Lenor Unstoppable Balls hung up in little silk bags everywhere. So I had the feeling of a smell of a plugin. Obviously I didn't have plugins. But I cleaned if you anyone asks now ask anyone and I am very OCD even in the cleaning aspect. Prison just made it even worse. It heightened it times a thousand. I even have my trainers lined up in color coordinated. So the white ones would be there, the color ones would be there, then we go into blues, then you go into blacks. My socks are the same in my drawer. My sports bras are the same. blues, blacks, whites, colors. >> What's your daily routine like now? >> Um, get up in the morning, have a coffee. I only built that in prison. Never drank coffee till I went prison. Take my vitamins, take my electrolytes. If I've got clients early, that'll be my first job. If I can go training first, I will. I'll go out for a run, then I'll do clients. Then I'll probably train midafter afternoon when I have a lunch break. I'll train on my lunch, grab a quick bite to eat, go back, do clients in the evening, go home, have to do uploads, content, respond to messages, respond to clients questions, and that runs like clockwork Monday and then Friday. Saturdays I do a a Saturday morning class in the middle of all this. Now I've took on a shred fash journey and I still attend my Hy Rocks training club HTC. Yeah, I live a very busy lifestyle because I don't know how I'll feel if it ever slowed down. >> Why do you think you're so hard on yourself? >> Have you always been that way before prison? >> Yeah, I beat myself up for any wrongdoing, big or small. I feel like I have to because I feel like not to everybody, but I have been a hard person to handle along the years. And some people won't agree with that, but some people will. And I can only openly speak truthfully that I am a hard character to handle, good or bad. I can be the nicest person. I'm not saying I'm horrible. I'm not saying that I can do anything really bad to somebody, but I'm a big character and I can show it in many different ways. I'm also a Gemini. For anybody body believes in star signs, my star sign is two people. Gemini twins. And my mom always says, you can be one person one minute and the next minute somebody else comes out. And it's the total opposite from the nicer side to Dena. And I would love to not let that person come out because I'm not proud of that person. And I'm not saying that leading back to drinking drugs cuz that's not what I mean. Like I had a conversation with my sister on the way here about being frustrated sometimes in my group classes and she actually just said the comment and it goes with what I'm about to say now. She said, "You can't be like that though, Den." You know, to hear that advice from her. I don't need I can't be like that. And she's right. She's honest. And that is what I need to hear from the people I love. Nobody's perfect. Everyone's got flaws. It just so happens mine comes down with the way I delegate myself. Sometimes if I'm under pressure or if I'm not having a good day, I may speak inappropriately or in a way that's not really acceptable. And that's not to say I'm ranting and raving and effing and jeffing. Just a bit off sometimes, bit moody, taking things out on people that it's not their fault. But I'll live and learn. I'll make mistakes and I'll only learn from them. >> What's your biggest lesson that you've learned in life? There's been that many of them. Obviously, the biggest lesson I've learned is don't ever break the law, big or small, because it can lead you into a whole world. If you're not familiar with prison, by God, I know that I wouldn't be doing anything to make me make bad choices as to what I did that day. Make sure you speak up about your mental health. Don't lock everything in. Be open. Be honest with yourself before anybody else. Speak out if you're not having a good day. Tell someone about it. Reach out for the right help because I certainly wish I did. >> What's your plans for the future? >> First on my list, hopefully I'll become a Shrefast athlete. If I don't, I'll certainly die trying to be one. Um, achieve the best possible goals I can continue to grow with my clients. I want to grow eventually. Who knows? I might own my own gym. I'd like to own my own gym. Give myself a 3 to 5 year plan. Just keep growing. Being better 1% every day. Becoming a better person. being happier in myself at all aspects of my life, not just certain ones. Um, health, health is your health. Ensuring all my family's healthy. If I can keep them all on a good path, then I will. And yeah, just advocating. I potentially might be going back in to speak to prisons, which I've had a call to do. So, I'd like to go back in and help people that are in there now. and try and encourage and yeah get them moving behind the door. If they don't want to have the confidence to go to the gym, I can certainly tell them a way that they can start and see where it leads them to cuz by God it saved me. Like I said, prison saved me. Fitness was the making of me. So yeah, I just want to help others, especially the prisoners. They're my first point of call and continuing to help my clients. They mean everything. For anybody watching that's maybe in a life of struggle, you've battled yourself. You're still battling, but you're pushing through. What advice would you have for someone who's struggling? >> Don't turn to drink and drugs. It's not going to solve your problems. It will only mask them for so long before it becomes a bigger problem. Reach out. There's mental health groups out there. There's people to call counseling. Go to your doctor, family. If you have support network, they're massive. Because I never spoke to my mom. I found it hard to speak to my dad about my mental health. My sisters, I felt embarrassed to say the situations I was in. Yeah. Just reaching out and speaking up and not taking drink and drugs is massive for me because that all it does is mass it for so long and before you know it, you are in a whole world of shite at the end of it. if you get to the end. >> How are you feeling today? >> I feel lighter. I feel blessed to be able to come on and be on your show. I feel like hopefully everything I've said and the way that I've portrayed it all is clear and it is all from the heart and it's honest. And yeah, I hope anybody that's listening can relate and hopefully take something away from it. And if anybody had any questions, hopefully I might have answered them in a way that they can relate to them with any situation, not just going to prison, but with the drink, the recreational drug use and spiraling in life that's led them to make bad choices. For anybody that's watching that's maybe wanting to reach out to you, ask you questions, what's all your social social media links? >> I'm on Instagram fivestar fitness and Tik Tok is @ na n e a k a for some reason it's got 53 at the end. The number five was for five, but it's ne a ka 53 tick tock. >> How you feeling? >> Good. >> Listen, well done. Keep the fucking head though. Don't forget how far you've come. You've got a great support network. It's easier said than done not to be too hard on yourself. But we all fuck up. We all make mistakes. It's how we handle them. It's how we kick on for the future. Make better choices. You know, alcohol doesn't agree with you whatsoever. It's where it can lead to and you've already got anxiety of what if you go back and alcohol just times that by 100. You know, one bad decision, one bad person comes into your life and before you know it, you don't know if you can be manipulated down certain ways. So listen, keep the head. Again, thanks for coming on the show. I wish you nothing but the best for the future and anything I can help with. I'm only a phone call away. Would you like to finish up on anything else? >> I will. I appreciate everything, James, and it's been an absolute pleasure and yeah, thank you for the advice. I'll certainly take it on board. And yeah, God bless you. Take care.