BULLET TRAIN (2022) was the CRAZIEST Movie I’ve ever seen 😭 *FIRST TIME REACTION*

Usually when I do these movie reactions, I know what the movie is. Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pussing Boots, Kung Fu Panda. Bullet Train is not a name I know anything about. I'm going to be honest with you guys. I didn't even know the movie existed until you requested it. That could either be a bad thing or the greatest thing ever. So, with that being said, today I'm going to be checking out Bullet Train. What other movies do y'all want me to check out? I like the movies I never heard of because this could be a huge surprise. What do you want the next movie reaction to be? Let me know down below. But other than that, let's hop on the train. I don't even know who's in this movie. I haven't even looked at the poster. I'm going into this more blind than I've ever gone into anything. It's going to be awesome to see who's in it, though. Oh, it's the guy from Warrior. Damn. No father should have to see their son hooked up like that, man. The boom slang. messed up. >> What a name for a snake. All right, so this is in Japan. That must be the grandpa. >> Oh, and they got all the famous Asian actors in here. Nice. I didn't know it was a Japanese film. I wonder if there's going to be subtitles. That has to be the grandfather, right? >> Yep. >> I love how we said that. Yo, don't put that knife in deeper. No. No. Don't you see he's going through enough? He looks like a strong man. I was literally there, man. I know exactly where they are right now. >> STAYING ALIVE. OH [ __ ] BRAD PITT. WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT? >> Oh [ __ ] It's Brad. >> I've been working with Barry. I am experiencing. >> I KNOW EVERYBODY IN THIS MOVIE ALREADY. >> WHO ELSE is here? DiCaprio. >> Toby Magguire. >> I was Ladybug supposed to be lucky. >> REALLY? OH [ __ ] YEAH, he's a ladybug. Yep. Ladybug >> luck is biblical. >> That is his assassin name. I'm guessing the political blackmail photos. >> Remember this. >> Somebody is experiencing a train of some sorts. >> You know what I mean? >> Guess bad luck than yours. >> I didn't know what train meant bullet train till now. I guess >> I say I like it here. I could live here. >> That's what everybody says when they go to Japan. >> Consider it. >> Yep. You don't get that anywhere else. Uh-oh. Wait a minute. >> Yeah, you don't see guys like that in Japan. >> Anybody moving like that? Something's going on. >> Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Stop it, bro. You're a big actor. Ain't no way you skipping out on a payday like this. >> No way. He's going to kill himself at the beginning of the movie. >> Hear that person, >> right? >> That's the Shinkansen, >> which is bullet train in Japanese. If y'all want to know that, >> I wonder if the whole movie is going to take place on the train. That would be awesome. The train's big enough to do a complete story in. >> What do you think? >> I never got asked for a ticket when I got into the train. >> I'm going to assume you >> they come later on. >> Sexy ass train. They don't make it like that anywhere else other than Japan, bro. >> Economy. >> Damn, bro. I got to get first class. >> All simple jobs >> or economy. Whatever. This This doesn't look like any train I was on. >> Quality people. Very soon it's time for some change. I'm looking at everybody. >> Is it [ __ ] blind or something? >> Wait, is that who I think it is? >> No, I just don't have to know. >> BRO, I KNOW EVERYBODY IN THIS MOVIE. >> OKAY, [ __ ] >> Don't start with him. >> I think that. >> Okay, simple snatch and grab. What am I snatching? And or >> every cart is going to be like a different adventure for him. >> A train stick. You chose spiritual enlightenment. >> Ticket, please. >> Why' I say that? Chick, please. >> No, no, no. >> [ __ ] I think. >> Knock him out. Knock him out. >> No, don't do that. Don't do that. >> Uh, that receipt shows I bought a ticket though, right? >> Last time. >> Yep. >> Don't worry. You got >> How'd I got though? That was terrible. >> What they found here? >> Oh my god. Oh [ __ ] bro. This looks like some Star Wars ship. You see a guy like this walk on the train, you leave. You take the next one. I'm sorry, man. Yeah. Get the [ __ ] out of here, bro. Damn. All because his father called him useless. Pretty much a disgrace. A father supposed to protect his son. Where's his father right now protecting his son? >> Oh [ __ ] It's her. >> NO. JUST BECAUSE IT'S A WOMAN, BRO. OH MY GOD. THAT COULD HAVE KNOCKED HIM OUT. I would have shot her. >> Equality, bro. >> Oh, it's not my mate. How it's not yours? >> Yeah, they're all assassins. >> Just leave. >> Wait, >> what? >> Train sticker on the handle. >> Yeah. >> Holy [ __ ] >> Wow. >> What's the catch? >> There is no catch. >> There's always a catch. >> Get off the train. >> Too late. >> I just had >> the movie's begun. There's no getting off now. >> Eggs and biking. >> Is that Oh my god. The amount of trouble that's going to happen on this train. The amount of death. >> I can't wait. with twists, violence, drama, no message. What's the point? Huh? >> Watch that be this movie. >> Then I learned about people. I learned from >> Thomas the Train taught me everything I need to know in life. >> I said I want to be like him when I grow up. >> So it's like Thomas the Train read our bullet train. >> We're talking about Thomas the Train on the bullet train. Maybe there's something in that. >> Young sweet. >> This guy has a Thomas the Train sticker book. You finished both of you. >> Totally normal. >> Yeah. >> Right. >> In Japan, you never know. >> That far >> actually 16. >> 16. >> 16 kills, mate. >> 17. >> 16. >> Seven. You're starting to get >> [ __ ] strangle. You mind if we do this right now? >> This two. I wouldn't be surprised if K Reeves IS HERE. >> HEY, BRO. THAT WAS A slow throw. >> 17. >> That wasn't our fault. >> No, no, no. That was the car. >> He would say it was the engine >> responsibility, mate. >> Got a little of distance between me and the owners. >> This is the most Japanese train I've seen in my life. >> In fact, >> I'd want to be in that car. >> You ain't standing up at all. If you got to take a piss and [ __ ] you do it right there, buddy. >> Now, the issue was it >> How do you just whip that out on the train? >> [ __ ] hell. >> Bro is running through the [ __ ] carts with a gun. He's pulling this out. >> Anyway, >> who's going to pull out the samurai sword? I'm waiting. This is too easy. >> You're overthinking it. >> It's not. >> They need bodyguards in these [ __ ] cars, bro. >> It doesn't matter. >> How much do you pay him again? >> Uhoh. >> Our job is to keep you. >> Is she going to meet him in there? >> Recovered a briefcase with ransom money inside. >> Where's the briefcase? >> Oh [ __ ] >> Why would YOU STASH IT, BRO? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU KEEP IT ABOVE YOU. [laughter] >> You know, composure, man. He's like, "Go get it." >> He needs a reason not to. Damn. >> Does he have one? >> That reaction. >> Of course, I've got the case. >> HE'S LIKE, "FUCK, MAN. I TOLD YOU." [laughter] >> DAMN. Oh [ __ ] bro. Why would you stash the briefcase away? There's literally an overhead storage. >> He put his brain in the [ __ ] bag. >> Maybe you're right. Maybe it's the white guy walking suspicion SUSP What the [ __ ] Yo, wait a minute. He's an actor. The bro, wait a minute. WHAT? WHY IS BAD BUDDY HERE? At least she gave him a seat. You know what I mean? Could have threw him in economy with the pores. >> At least she's listening to good music. >> Are you kamura? You ain't cheating. >> You came here to kill me. >> Everybody's pulling out weapons. Is that like first class benefits? >> Obviously, they wanted a boy >> in this world. Call yourself what you want to call yourself. >> I'm very, very sorry. >> Oh my god. >> What a day this guy's had. >> Hospital. >> Holy [ __ ] >> Hi. >> Yes. >> Now he has to deal with this. >> If you don't hear from me every 10 minutes or if I DON'T >> OH MY GOD. HASN'T HIS BOY BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH? >> I FEEL LIKE HE'S going through more than his little boy. Holy [ __ ] >> Where's the grandfather? >> SHOULDN'T HE BE THERE WATCHING AND PROTECTING HIM? >> Was come back with his son. >> Where's the grandma? Damn it. >> Three words describe our situation right now. Do you know what they are? >> We're [ __ ] >> Saved his >> We are [ __ ] >> Who the white is? >> Yeah, the white death. You just told me five minutes ago. >> The white death. I think he's white. briefings used to be ruled by a man named Minishi. >> Minishi with one brutal bastard. >> Yeah, that sounds like a brutal name. >> Old school, you know. >> God, it doesn't hold back. Oh, yeah. >> To him, >> that's how we like him. Oh, look at that [ __ ] badass. >> You like you were one of his own. >> What is >> shirtless in the snow? >> Russian. >> Worked his way up to Rex. >> Oh, yeah. He's Russian. He's got something. and very very [ __ ] quickly became one of Ministers. [laughter] >> Oh my god. >> A white >> Russian Japanese alliance. >> Little [ __ ] badass going on here. All right. >> Oh yeah. This is so cool. [screaming] I'm already impressed with this movie. I already love this [ __ ] He watch you off the face of the earth in one single night. >> Never trust a Russian. >> The white death. >> I'm joking. Oh my god. [laughter] >> So, have you mentioned Thomas Tank? >> I swear to God, man. >> I haven't [laughter] I haven't HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT THOMAS AND TRA since I was 2 years old. >> I guess an unnamed locom there's a lesson to be learned. Does anybody have a simple life in this movie? >> Operators Lemon. No, he asked for the best. He asked for the two respons. >> Any YouTubers? >> Oh my god. >> Pros. Three words. Lemon. WE ARE [ __ ] >> WE ARE [ __ ] I literally I swear on my [ __ ] testicles. I have not seen this movie. I'm just guessing them the words. We are [ __ ] >> Holy [ __ ] Oh, people got to say I pre-washed now. >> Nothing new for me. mother. But I'm not in someone else's story. >> This is my movie. >> Mine to do with me. >> Let her know. >> Oh, deny it all you want, but you work. >> Damn. No wonder why he has a life like this, etc., etc. >> Working for the white death. >> Working for a white >> follow the case and find the white death. >> Huh? >> What do you think I can do for you? >> You're going to kill him for me. >> How the [ __ ] am I going to kill him? >> You better kill him, bro. Your son's dead. What if he dies either way? I kill her entire country. >> And that won't even calm me down. Oh [ __ ] This might take place on the train the whole movie. THE WHITE DEATH WATCH. HE'S GOING TO enter the train somehow. These guys are going to [ __ ] up. I'm telling you, he's dying. He is so dying. Both of them might die. >> They're going to get knocked out the train while it's moving. >> Security might get shot. >> I don't know where Bad Bunny went. >> I really >> If I hear about Thomas Train one more [ __ ] time, bro. Yes. >> Oh yeah, my skateboarding music, man. [ __ ] yeah. Give me it. >> OH [screaming] MY [laughter] GOD. You leave the briefcase and THEN YOU LEAD THE HOSTAGE. >> His wife, now his son. That's a lot of white. [laughter] >> Crazy. 26 years ago, most of y'all weren't even born. Yo, [ __ ] babies. What a nice life they have or had. >> It's [ __ ] Bad Bunny. We're seeing Bad Bunny's backstory. Is this how he became a superstar? >> I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE WAS AN ACTOR. SO, you can imagine me right now. I actually like his music. He's doing the whole badass mean face acting pretty well, I'd say. Shenanigans, YOU KNOW. HEY YO, BAD BUNNY GOOD WITH THAT GUN. DAMN, >> don't [ __ ] with Bad Bunny at a concert. Hey, we about to see Bad Bunny put his car in her. Oh yeah. Damn, that girl's lucky. Imagine seeing you sign up for this movie, you get the [ __ ] Bad Bunny. Damn. >> So, he's lived a crazy life. [laughter] Woo! >> They had a good night. >> He gave her his bullet train. >> His [ __ ] death note just checking name after name off the list. >> All right. He got married and then what? >> Pull the gun out, bro. THAT'S IT. BAM. MESS UP MY WHITE COAT. About a John Wicker with a fork. [screaming] HE LEAVES. OH MY GOD. IT'S THE SAME WAY. IT'S THE SAME WAY THE GUY DIED INTOXICATED. There's poison in it. The [ __ ] is going on, BRO? IS THERE LIKE CENTIPEDES inside of it? Oh, I would [screaming] I would become a human rocket launcher. Your country is going to get got. I'm sorry, man. Damn. Bad Bunny is about to tell you why he has Bad in his name. That was quick and efficient. You know what I mean? >> YO, we got like a little backstory montage of his life. What led up into him beating the [ __ ] out of Brad Pitt? REVENGE FOR YOUR WIFE, MIAMO. ME. >> The first guy he sees is the white man. Get his ass. HE BETTER BE wearing a [ __ ] I was going to say a life jacket. A Yeah, a life jacket. A bulletproof vest. A night brew vest. Yay. The cover. >> You stab me. >> It's the ladybug. Yeah. So that's how he's going to get through the movie just by luck. [laughter] >> He's using the briefcase as a a shield. >> That's all it takes is a kick in the balls. Maybe you should remove your balls. A true assassin WOULD REMOVE HIS BALLS, BRO. Oh my god. Take it. We never stop coming for you. >> What? As far as YOU LIKE. >> MY GOD. >> WHY? [laughter] >> WHAT DO HE DO, BRO? >> DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU. [laughter] >> I will travel to the end of the world to find you. IF YOU DIE, I DIE. OH MY GOD. How is he not knocked out yet, BRO? I WOULD HAVE TRIPPED AND BEEN KNOCKED OUT. You better see your wife again, bro. Maybe this is for the best. You better be with your cordazone. At least he's hiding the suitcase. You know, the briefcase. >> Wow. He's [ __ ] dead, man. Damn. Bad Bunny got five minutes. That was at least like $10 million right there. >> Bad Bunny knew who he was. This guy has no idea who he is. He just looks like he had a crazy night. You know, he wants to be alone and and and get a taste of the view. God, >> nobody bother him. This is >> ridiculous. [laughter] >> Two people dead already. Monga TV Kitchen. Japan's number one anime. Oh, so this is like the one piece of of the bullet train universe. Just like that. >> Mamonga. >> You think that's actually Bad Bunny now? Or is it like a mannequin? >> They paid for his dead body, too. >> Percy and now Percy's now bleeding for his [ __ ] EYES. >> [ __ ] THOMAS THE TRAIN, BRO. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THAT. The child in me wants to stab me. It's like I know these train stops, so I know how much time is left almost. This is crazy. I feel like I'm part of the movie. I feel like I'm on the train with them. Are different actors going to pop up at every stop? >> Oh, wait. They're getting off >> [ __ ] excuse. >> Damn. That lady's going to be racist for the rest of her life. [snorts] >> You out. Here we go. >> Joeberg. Hey, he remember him. He has an unforgettable face. [ __ ] [ __ ] Mimonga. Punch it. >> [screaming] >> You just scarred a kid for life. You ain't getting off this train. It ain't called bullet train for nothing, >> bro. Imagine he wakes up. >> Could he still be alive? Or did Yeah, he checked his pulse. >> Why? >> Maybe it's lucky for you to be here. >> And you would have died if you got off the train. She's waiting. She is waiting. >> El Cigarillo. >> All right. So, he's supposed to be talking like this, like uneducated in a way. >> The cocktail server, >> but powerful and lucky. >> Wait, what guy? >> Sorry. >> Right back. >> The guy stabbed me. I spilled wine on his suit. He's dead now. >> You killed the wolf. There >> was an accident. Monday. >> You know what, man? I'm on bed bunny side. >> [ __ ] [ __ ] what? >> I would have chased him to hell. He remembers everybody. >> What a memory. >> Twins. >> Stop it. Everyone knows they're twins. >> Trust me, >> they're not twins. Well, now we know who the owners of the case are. >> Maybe they got twin glocks, but >> your orders would to stay on the train. >> I was getting a babysitter to come cut my bollocks. >> Can I please go do my job now? >> His body is safe. >> Very kind of you. Thank you very much. >> I wouldn't hang up on anybody in this movie. >> [ __ ] me. Jesus Christ. [laughter] >> Very rude talking on the phone on the train in Japan. >> He's rude enough for you. [ __ ] >> He's right about that. >> [ __ ] hat. >> You don't do that in Japan. >> Shove that [ __ ] hat up your ass. It's a little train sticker by the handle. >> How would he remember that? >> Yeah. Um, a man with black framed glasses had it. He went that way. >> Oh my god. Oh [ __ ] No, man. >> Somebody got to put a bullet in her. She's talking too much. She's too involved. >> What they do to my boy? What they do? >> Really? >> There's a gun. Shut up, [ __ ] >> That's what I would have said. >> Who the [ __ ] >> You don't know what if he has a gun or not. You just >> You don't remember. >> Take his word for it. >> I would. >> You look like every white homeless man I've ever seen. >> Okay. >> No, he doesn't. >> I believe you're looking for >> the most beautiful man I've ever seen. >> So, I'm out. >> You can't forget that. >> How? >> He's like, "Ah, now I remember you." >> Also, have a ship. A path to a peaceful outcome. peaceful outcome. >> The only peace we're going to see in this movie are pieces of bodies. Yep. It all started over a Bad Bunny. I would have never guessed that. >> I've always been lucky. >> Really now? Oh my god. How is he GOING TO BE ON TOUR? >> LONG HEART. >> A casual conversation between assassins. >> It's a wall. >> Love it. >> Here we go with the [ __ ] lemon again. >> You give your case to the employer, he doesn't kill you. You're alive. I'm alive. Everything >> sounds good. When we out >> win, don't you think, man? I just want to get off this train and go see a Zen garden or some [ __ ] >> Go see Zen garden or some [ __ ] [laughter] Hey, that's two bodies. Come on. They all got a body hiding somewhere. Even the girl had a body hiding with her. >> How did you know? >> Exactly. So, >> and now he is her slave essentially. >> It's like Thomas the Tank ENGINE ALWAYS SAYS. >> HOLY [ __ ] MAN. I'M GOING TO PUT A [ __ ] TRAIN UP YOUR ASS. >> OH, REALLY? >> HE HAS TO TELL EVERYBODY about this. >> Diesel. >> You're the diesel [ __ ] diesel that I've ever seen in my life. >> Get out of my life. You know >> I'm a diesel >> gone under this. >> The diesel reacts to bullet train. >> That kid over there. >> I didn't know how much I learned about trains today. Oh [ __ ] [laughter] [screaming] What was that reaction? [laughter] Damn. Now I felt that. He always goes for the balls. SOMEBODY KICK HER IN THE FACE. Sick of this [ __ ] Oh yeah, [ __ ] Damn. This is a normal day on in a New York train. So like I I'm not that weirded out by it. Okay, somebody got to throw a [ __ ] desk at her or something, man. Throw a a briefcase at her. Yeah, I don't think this is the quiet train anymore. >> [laughter] >> This is the loudest [ __ ] train I've heard in my life. >> Oh no, that was cold. >> Oh [ __ ] >> I ain't going to talk. >> There's going to be somebody in that suit. >> It wants revenge. >> Stop [ __ ] with it. Oh, the mascot's going to be the last one alive on this train by the end of the movie. I'm telling you, going to end up killing everybody in here. That's how terrorists are born. That was a cool way to put the gun in the the the clip in. I wonder if the John Wick guy worked on this, bro. I The action is great and very creative. I had the same laptop, BRO. I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU WITH THE LAPTOP. >> WORKING ON IT. Beat a bag of dicks, lady. Maybe she'd be a little nicer if she did. Oh. those electrolytes. It needs a little bit more shaking than that. What if he's playing possum? >> I'm not a diesel. You're a diesel. >> Yo, he's really offended by that. I didn't know I get Thomas to train Lord today. I guess that's the the appeal of the movie. I want to see Brad Pitt versus John Wick now. Yo, I swear to God, I'm gonna make sure she never uses her mouth again. >> That sounded crazy. I meant like I'm gonna shoot her >> to death and grab my ass. There's someone else doing the job on this train. >> Loonies, but not twins. >> What do you mean, bro? They look exactly the same. >> The wolf. >> I know how to get in my house now. If I forget the keys for revenge. >> Put a [ __ ] golf club through it. >> Get this. >> What's in there? Oh, whatever's in there is going to be used. >> Wedding. It's El Seu. >> Seaguaro. ELSAGUNDO. >> OH GOD. I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. >> THE BOOM SLANG. OH NO. [screaming] WHAT ARE THE ODDS? [laughter] >> [ __ ] Brad Pitt versus a snake now. Snakes's on a train. [laughter] [ __ ] That's hilarious. The snake better have been paid for his time. >> You had five stations to Kyoto. Better get tickity boo. >> You describe me as someone who lives in perpetual anxiety. >> No, >> the conductor. I don't have a ticket. >> Not sure. >> God, the conductor, man. He's the biggest op on the train. >> He slows me down. >> We got to take him out. >> Dead. Hey, bro. We're making easy 200 bucks. Was this like a like a sex thing? [snorts] >> Nope. >> Oh, I was I [laughter] was kidding. >> No, you weren't [ __ ] chatting Tatum. I can't I [ __ ] can't, man. Who else is here? I bet that was his only screen time, too. I know the type of [ __ ] they do in these movies. He might just JUMP THROUGH THE [ __ ] GLASS. You better dropkick through it. Everybody's in this goddamn movie. Oh, no. I'm not the girl stuffed animal. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yo, wait a minute. Is this snake going to get his ass? No way. >> Where's the case? Tell me and I promise. >> Bro, he's going to his dance competition. Leave him alone. >> Is this [laughter] sex stuff? What? >> I do love an accent, >> BRO. HE'S GAY. I pay to see that as a straight man myself. [laughter] Straight married man, by the way. And I just said that. Chance a good looking man. Yeah. Nah. Nah, bro. >> Your son is at gunpoint right now. Unconcious in the hospital bed. >> I wonder how he'll do it. >> Maybe. >> What kind of heart does that guy have? >> Maybe something clever. >> No, no, you hold on to it. The innocent young girl doesn't really get you very far if [music] you're holding a loaded gun. >> She could walk blindfolded right now. It >> doesn't matter. He is on her leash. >> WHY'D YOU LEAVE THE HOSPITAL? What do you have to do? You're old. >> Be honest. What's this guy doing, bro? Making a super armor. Making a super suit. THIS GUY'S TERRIBLE. I BET HE'S GOING TO BE THE VILLAIN, BRO. HE LOOKS LIKE he's making a Darth Vader's outfit or some [ __ ] >> I'll start with the low numbers. Just a >> Oh my god, I want a Joker. You know what he did to the stuffed animal? I won't do that to her, which is why she's a great actor, by the way. [laughter] [snorts] >> Oh [ __ ] >> I like these two together. They work well together. Really good chemistry. >> Best option now is uh >> you know, I like Mars. >> Someone's got to take the blame, don't they? Somehow Thomas the Train is gonna enter this conversation. >> Oh, I guess not. >> Not Lucille. >> He probably sucks on it at night. >> Off the train at the next stop with the briefcase about situation. >> Complete waste of us. >> Now he hung up on him. >> Never hang up on him again. That's what you get. >> I mean, you're still showing up with a son. Never said dead or alive. They all punching duty. Don't we love that? You don't [ __ ] with this guy, huh? Yeah. You don't [ __ ] with any of these guys, bro. None. None of that. Especially the white guy in the back. You see one white guy and a group of Asians, you don't [ __ ] with him. Damn, daddy. Hey, at the train station we're littering in Japan. You know what, man? Whatever comes to you, you deserve it. That was the last straw. >> I want to make sure it went some Yakuza track. >> What are these outfits? >> Some [ __ ] 80s dance off, ain't it? >> Yeah. Yeah, I mean we saw Chann and Tatum. Are they going to start break dancing >> doing the spinneroon? >> He's there. [laughter] >> He's drunk. He had a lot of wine. >> He's a [ __ ] happy chappie, ain't he? [laughter] I got Do us a favor. Get the [ __ ] off my back, will you? >> Wait, no way did that plan work. >> Yo, [screaming] they're going to jump ON THE TRAIN, MAN. RIGHT ON TOP OF IT. >> I guess not. What's it called? The bumbaglot. I forgot his name. [ __ ] >> Okay. >> Oh [ __ ] bro. That snake's going to eat somebody. Maybe the lady, bro. I've had enough of her. >> Something else is going on here. >> Yeah, snake. >> I still feel like missing. >> Let's talk about the snake. >> I swear to God. What' I say? >> Watch your feet. >> Yeah. >> And I'm never wrong, am I? >> No. >> I want to buy a Thomas train set now. >> Shoot first, come out with the asses later. I >> always do. Oh, I thought he was going to kiss him. >> You be careful, too. >> Oh, they're never seeing each other again. I know what these separating shots do. One of them's dying, and I think it's going to be lemon. One of them's dying, bro. You don't do a scene like that unless you're never seeing each other again. They're dying. Next time they see each other is in hella heaven. Think of a combination. He has to have his movie moment where he thinks of a combination like a certain date that applies to the briefcase. She has no reaction to this. Is she going to kiss him? He literally the type of guy that would like that. I can't wait to see what a snake does. Who is he going to get? >> Seven more minutes. >> What if he goes after a dead body like Bad Bunnies? >> Nah, that would be sickening. >> These smart toilets, they're a pleasure TO >> OH, I GET IT, MAN. I'll go to Japan just for the toilet. >> Boundaries. We need boundaries. >> I can't wait to [ __ ] in a Japanese toilet again, bro. Ain't no [ __ ] way. I would have been there till 2029. Uhoh. >> Whoa. >> I did it. I did it. >> Look at that. >> It ain't your luck. It's Brad Pitt's luck rubbing off on you. Rubbing off on him. I want Brad Pit's rub. >> Oh my god, bro. She's brilliant. What the [ __ ] She's attaching a bomb to it. >> I'm hedging my bets, you could say. >> The snake's going to do it, >> but don't fire it. You know what I mean? Yeah. >> I put in this. >> You'll never be in a movie again. >> This is very >> There won't be a bullet train, too. >> Did you know that there have been 31 attempts on the White Death's life within his own organization? >> Here to kill the White Death and use my gun. >> Please tell me the kid survives at the end of the movie. Like, if he goes through all this [ __ ] and nothing happens, man, >> I'm exterminating the white race. >> All of Britain's going to get it if that's where she's from. That's going to be used. Oh my god. >> The assassin goes by the name of the hornet. [screaming] >> OH MY GOD. [laughter] >> BOOM. Slang snake. >> Why was that so funny? >> Deals of blood. Fun fact. >> Well, that guy's that long dead, bro. It's been like 30 minutes. >> Yep. Elsagardo. My favorite. >> Whatever deal was made, it wasn't done through the normal channel. >> I bet it's the lady about to come into the bathroom. >> That's the horn. The horny. Whatever. The wolf must [laughter] >> Oh my god. Did you just >> I'm taking a [ __ ] lady. >> Jeez, they're usually so polite here, >> bro. That's the hornet. I'm telling you. Oh. >> Oh. Oh [ __ ] Not in the toilet. No. Don't break the JAPANESE TOILET, BRO. NO. NO. HE HAS TO USE THE BUTTON THAT squirts the water at him to blind him. Oh god. Use your surroundings. Yeah. Yeah. I love this [ __ ] man. Using the surroundings, not just a casual fight. Using the cabinets, the doors, the [ __ ] board. >> Give a rest. Where's my [ __ ] [laughter] >> Come on. We could team up. They're fixing up, you know, uh, the train. Wait a minute. The boys. She's from the boys. She might be involved in Oh my god. Right. Is that who I think it is? That's a wig. So sorry. >> See, my son, I think she's from the boys, right? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. That's her. >> Oh, I I would love a bottle of water. >> She's going to be involved somehow. I saw her fight. >> You know what? Do you have uh anything sparkling? [laughter] >> Something I can make a bomb out of. >> Oh, yeah. Hat and glasses. Does he want anything? A, she's so kind. I'm shocked she's not over here like being an assassin. >> No, you're welcome. Yeah. >> 10 quid for that bottle of water, mate. [snorts] >> One moment, bro. Got to refuel. Oh, [laughter] HOW THE [ __ ] IS HE STILL ALIVE? I WOULD HAVE BEEN KNOCKED OUT FOR THE YEAR. I WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE THE guy's kid in the [ __ ] hospital bed. >> Kill the kid. >> Ladybug at it again. Look at this. The button just so happens to be there. >> Is it then? >> Yeah. [laughter] No. No. There's no way they can survive this at this speed. It's like a roller coaster. Even faster, bro. It's a bullet train. It's like they're on a plane right now, man. WHOA. Oh god. Trying to wick him. Look at this. The [ __ ] chopsticks. >> Where's John? CHOPSTICK HIS EYE OUT. >> Get that. Probably ought to get that. >> Trust me. You want to pick up that phone, buddy? >> Oh, okay. Maybe I should. [snorts] >> Stop holding the briefcase or you will kill everyone on that train. >> GOD, BRO. THE HELL WITH THE WHITE DEATH. Maybe we should team up and kill him >> before everyone dies. >> They all have a reason to kill him. Let's put our powers together. >> Yeah, I don't think I've reached Lemon in time anyway. >> You still got his phone [ __ ] And I'm glad you're going to [ __ ] die with me. >> That's nice. >> I want these two to work together. This is great. Great banter. They could be good partners. >> You two do look like twins, huh? We got the case now. What? >> Still take the train to Kyoto station. >> I can't believe it. >> They used the twins to disguise him. This is perfect. >> Open the case. >> It would have been sus that the black dude walked out. >> They would have been like, "What's going on here? I thought you were twins." >> Yeah, everybody. It's here. >> They got to work together now. This is cool. >> Got to throw the [ __ ] snake at them. >> I I have this bad luck thing. And >> No, you don't. >> Well, I don't think they were in the market for [ __ ] dildos. Look what it's here. [laughter] >> That was a smooth way to do it though. The way he flicked it. >> Please. Please, kid. He's my son. Hold on. >> Mhm. >> Your son. Him to follow me up onto that roof. >> I hate her. >> Didn't think it would take you 3 hours. >> Oh, I'd bite her like Dracula right now. >> You don't know anything. >> Yeah, we don't know anything either, man. You got to tell us. I got to understand you. My mommy says she has to kick up. Interrupt what's uh going on here, but uh you wouldn't seen a tiny white prick with a pair of glasses come through here, have you? >> Uhoh. Uhoh. >> What about Oh god. I think he's dying. >> I think he's going to die. He might explode. >> Is he going to stop bleeding? >> Did you? >> Nah. Then they're going to cure him. >> I haven't seen anything like that. I think I'd remember. >> It takes like 10 seconds to cure him, bro. Oh god. Oh yeah. Never shave on a bullet train. You know what they say. All right. Pardon me, Uncle Kamura. You guys take care. >> Uh [ __ ] >> Just one thing though. Um most people assume suitcase, you know, cuz it's a train overnight and all. You said briefcase. I never said briefcase. >> I found my diesel. >> No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's going to start breaking, man, because of the drink. >> Temple and reevaluate my choices. That sounds very lovely. But here's the deal. [snorts] >> Sounds like a great night. >> I love doing that. [snorts] >> It's a bit of a really cuz you know >> I can't believe this is taking place on a train the whole movie. >> This is awesome. I'm find it very hard to follow the story. >> Come on, man. You're smart to know he's stalling. Oh my god. He timed it with the door closed. [laughter] A [ __ ] Wait. No way. NO. NO WAY. DID HE JUST DO THAT? >> HE'S hanging from the edge of the [ __ ] train right now. >> Yo, I swear to God. One more time, buddy. About Thomas. >> I'm sorry. I get captivated by white girl tears. Bravo. Common sense tells me [laughter] that this old shaking here is the one in charge, but I'm really good at reading people. And some >> man, you reverse that statement. >> [ __ ] mind. >> Then I get no answers. >> Never drink smart water. >> You know what? How about this? I'm sure. >> Or Fiji, whatever that is. >> Little game, huh? If you want to play a game up each other, I know you're both liars and the truth ain't and then I'll [ __ ] shoot you both. Ready? >> You You said you couldn't get us both. You get no answers. >> I did say that, didn't I? >> Yes. Sometimes you got to shoot first and come up with answers later. One. I got to write that one now. >> Kill >> free. Oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] That was a smart way to do it. That was a smart way to do it. Oh my Oh my god, he actually shot the gun. I thought it was just the sound of the editing. He shot the [ __ ] gun. >> The [ __ ] is GOING ON? NO WAY, BRO. HE'S NOT DOING THIS RIGHT NOW. THERE'S NO WAY, MAN. [laughter] How the [ __ ] is he going to get in? This train ain't slowing down. >> He ain't dead. There's no way he's dead. The Japanese toilet will heal him. >> It has healing powers. I'm sure there's a [ __ ] button that does it. Has the elixir of life. >> He keeps drinking that goddamn water, man. >> To lock the door from the outside. >> He's fine. Where'd he get shot? He got shot like >> he said he didn't do what he said. >> Then why didn't you use this thing? >> Yeah, he kidnapped you and uh gave you his gun the whole easy. >> I know. Um >> [ __ ] it. You are really [laughter] >> You're really good at this acting thing. You should be an actor. >> That's a tear. You're the diesel. I got to kill you. Please. I'm just a kid. [laughter] >> It's really unbelievable. >> Please teach me. I would do it in my reactions. >> You are. >> How many views I'd get? >> I GOT A [groaning] IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN A MINUTE AGO. COME ON. [ __ ] >> Everyone loves lemons. He seems to be fine. Get all your rage out. That's the only way you'll be able to open it. >> OH MY GOD. HOW DO YOU HOW HAS HE SURVIVED ALL OF THIS? I'm >> glad you enjoyed the performance. >> How did you do it? >> Just lucky, I guess. >> It's part of her powers. She's an X-Men. He's >> He's Gordon. Tangerine is Gordon. I TOLD YOU. [screaming] I TOLD YOU >> WHAT I SAY WHEN THEY TALK LIKE THAT. WHEN they smoke like that, that one of them WOULD DIE. HE'S DEAD. DEAD. They made sure of it. I saw his body bounce. >> Uh, looks like you >> God phone on the bullet train. You can pick it up at Kyoto station, though. >> There's this find my phone app. >> Oh, surprisingly accurate. Bye. >> Oh my god, he's coming, bro. With his power suit on. I saw what he was making with the mask. I think he's behind all of this. I think he's the white guy. What? What the [ __ ] is it called? The white death. Watch him be his dad. How would that make sense? How would that make I don't know, man. Maybe it's Channing Tat. >> He's got a great walk. >> He wants to [ __ ] him. I think Bad Bunny's going to resurrect somehow. Yeah, he came for the hornet. Chad Tatum's the hornet. The hornet is in there. I'm telling you. >> OH, I I TOLD YOU. I TOLD YOU. >> [ __ ] THAT THING. [laughter] [screaming] >> HEY, I knew somebody was in there. Oh my god. HE DIED BY [screaming] THE MASCOT. THAT WAS LIKE THE ultimate incognito right there, BRO. NO WAY. IT WAS HER, the mascot, the pastry chef. Damn, you're killing everybody. >> She even put the wig on. >> She's really quality. >> Let him finish his food. He's hungry. Come on, bro. Equality. She wants to punch you. Knock her out. >> Clogging your feeds. You bleed out of your >> She's going to stab herself. >> Weak ass [ __ ] >> That's it, bro. Poke her. Poking. >> They said my money was in the case. >> BRIAN, [screaming] COME ON. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? >> JEEZ, [ __ ] >> LADY, you can have the case. >> Oh, but you've seen my face, [ __ ] >> [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] OH [ __ ] [laughter] YO, [groaning and screaming] >> 30 SECONDS before the venom does its thing. >> I was thinking the 30 seconds with the drink and everything. I got that all wrong. Oh my god. I don't think we have time to do a sarin contest. [clears throat] Oh [ __ ] man. Do you have a backup? >> [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] You dead. >> You don't have another one. You got to be better prepared. I'm manplaining. I'm mansplaining again. I'm sorry. It doesn't. >> She deserves to get mansplained. Being a [ __ ] Call of death. >> Water. Would you like some water? >> Yeah, the water will heal her. It's Japanese water. You never know. >> You want a blanket? >> Maybe that's why they look like they never age. >> Yo, he's insane. >> Damn. Karma is a [ __ ] >> Yeah, she is. >> You get what you get. You get what you give. Uhoh. That snake, bro. I'm telling you, the snake's coming. Snake's on a train. This guy's had enough. I've looked like that before. Bro, is he dead? This guy. There's no way he's going to wake up right now. There's no way. Damn. I thought it was the other guy. That's his buddy, man. Wow. I knew it. I [ __ ] knew one of them was going to die, man. I thought it was going to be him. I was like a I was like 95% sure it was going to be him dying. 60% sure both of them were going to die. Ah man, this guy's a problem now, bro. They're both dead. Oh my god, the Asian guy is actually dead. You never know with these movies. Bad Money could still be alive. I'm still thinking about it. It's a really good [ __ ] movie, man. Beautiful song. I think this guy's behind something, too. The conductor or or the ticket ripper, bro. I'm telling you, there's something going on there. He's been a problem since we got on this [ __ ] train. Damn, we're only by Mount Fuji. There's so much time left. >> Talk to me. >> What is that? Five dead bodies on this train. >> Bad luck. >> The hell with this case. I'll throw it out the window at this point. Woo! Woo! Yeah. Clear your mind, Brad. Who is that train going to get? It's going to get him, isn't it? >> Oh my god. It's going to [ __ ] get him. >> Get off your [ __ ] lazy ass. Come here and finish the job yourself. Got a couple things to tell you. >> Oh yeah, he's next. And I [ __ ] deserves to be bleeding. And as for your >> [ __ ] bow and arrow is going to go through the window. >> Oh, how wonderful. I can't [ __ ] wait. That'll be the last stop you ever get off at when I [laughter] >> My brother. >> Oh my god. They've known each other since they were that young. They've been in it SINCE THEY WERE LIKE THREE. >> GOING TO BLOW MY BRAINS OUT in front of a whole [ __ ] >> I'm rooting for him. >> More than Brad. >> I saw no [ __ ] about Brad. [laughter] >> Oh [ __ ] >> You're that girl, aren't you? Oh my god. >> He bought every ticket. >> Forget a face, mate. >> Don't be like your brother, man. Don't Don't listen to this [ __ ] >> And he killed my uncle. THOMAS THE TRAINS. >> OH, GOD. THAT'LL do it. You're >> right. Exactly. >> Yeah. Thomas the Train. >> Of them. And then he said he was going. >> That's the American way to say it. >> I'll beg your pilot. I don't know who the [ __ ] you are. >> A good hostage. >> Yeah. Well, he ain't wrong there. But look, keep your [ __ ] knickers on. All right. >> You have to help me. >> All right. All right. Calm down. >> Keep them on. Get off or do what the [ __ ] I don't know what you're doing here anyway. >> No way. No. >> Oh, he put it HE PUT IT ON HER. OH [ __ ] THE DIESEL. She's the diesel. She's the bluffer. Oh my god. [applause] >> Let's go. [groaning] [laughter] ALL THIS TIME THOMAS THE TRAIN TALK WORKED. >> Thank God. >> Thank God for Thomas. They really are >> even beyond the grave. >> And it was you that [ __ ] >> Yeah. Oh my god. [laughter] >> SHOOT THAT [ __ ] WITH DIESEL. >> And Lemon never blinks. >> LET'S GO. >> NO. [screaming] BRAD. OH MY GOD. I HATE YOU. >> I HOPE YOU NEVER GET AN acting gig again. >> No. Oh >> no, [screaming] MAN. [ __ ] YOU, BRAD. >> WHAT? >> You know what Diesel MEANS. YOU KNOW YOU'RE THOMAS MOORE. >> NO. >> He said that he's going to kill you and blame everything on you. >> He also SAID, >> "I KNEW IT, BRO. THEY BOTH DIED. >> NO one's going to hurt you >> except for me. >> I'm about to jump through this movie screen, bro. Man, [ __ ] this cart. It's too happy. I can't believe who's died already. Oh my god. Nobody's safe. Where's Channing Tatum? >> This guy brought a samurai sword. I'm telling you, bro. I'm telling you. You would think it's a guitar case. Nope. Twin blades. >> Kid, come on. >> The ghost of Sushima. >> I can't. My bad. You're stuck. >> No, I can't. >> RIGHT NOW, NO, LADY. >> NO. Last chance. >> No. No. No. Please come back. I would have shot her a long time ago. >> I got it. >> It's not your fault, kid. It's You got your >> I want to grab her head, man. >> Everything else. [snorts] >> Let me chill out. >> In the ass, dick. >> Uhoh. >> Don't tell him I said so. >> I took this. I didn't want to leave it. >> Uhoh. >> The man had it. I thought you could probably use it to kill whoever's waiting for us. >> Yo, he has a cane. Oh my god. I I bet it's like a cane sword. be honest. >> She knows that voice and he knows THAT VOICE. >> OH, who's there with >> this guy could be a local. You're you're on the Shinkansen. >> Find another seat like way way way down. >> He's blunt as it gets, man. I mean, he says [ __ ] I wish I could say to people. >> You won't be able to talk again, Brad. Now, Brad pissed me off. Gullible Brad. >> [ __ ] Brad. >> GRAB YOUR BACK. >> [screaming] >> [ __ ] MAN. I DIDN'T KNOW THE SNAKE WAS GOING TO BUY HIM, >> BRO. That scream. >> Would you know where my son is? NOT THE JAPANESE TOILET. MAYBE THERE'S LIKE A gun attached to it. Flush that [ __ ] [laughter] I don't think that's going to kill it. Now it's in the wild. They might seek revenge in the next movie. This guy's going to stick that cane up her ass. >> Phone's like a millennium old. >> Who pushed my grandson off the department store to our >> grandpa? >> Why? >> It's grandpa's world now. >> And that was the only way to get him on this train. >> It's his fault. I blame him. >> The white death. >> He's the one that [ __ ] talk his own son. >> But he couldn't even do. >> He knows about the white death. >> Just a few calls back. They are both dead. >> My grandson was pushed over. Wait a minute. What? What? The grandson died. What? His eyes were killed the [ __ ] grandson. They're both dead. Wait. Is that grandma? What the [ __ ] is that? OH. [screaming] OH. SHE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE no grandma. I was just guessing. She looked young. I'm just saying. It could be his grandma. Grandma's could be 30. Oh, I thought I thought his eyes were bleeding. >> Listen. >> All right. So, he's not dead. He only has survived much more. and much worse. >> Oh [ __ ] Yo, look at the swan, man. That's sick. I got to get one of those when I'm old. I might get one of those now, man. I'm lazy. Why is she dressed like she's part of the [ __ ] Scooby-Doo gang, bro? My son is not dead. Snake. A dumb ass is still going to open it. Bro, you should have wrote in Japanese. >> You're not going to believe this coincidence, but I >> Let's write in English on the Japanese toilet. >> Me today. So good. >> He's good. He's good. Just chop your hand off. just to be safe. >> The girl, >> her intentions with you were not honorable in the dark about a blind man. >> That's what I've been saying, man. It's so clear what's going on here, man. You got to >> You do not need to do anything. >> Got to be smarter, bro. Brian, come on. >> Fate. >> And that [sighs] that follows me around. Like, >> why do I think there's something going on with the grandfather? If something's going on with him, >> Ladybug, >> y'all going to say I'm the biggest pre-watcher of all time. I really hope nothing happens with him now. >> This is very lucky. I'm sick of being called out like this. >> I'm going to tell you a story now. >> No, I'm good. >> I'd always listen to a Japanese man's story. >> Really? I'm fine. >> I'm cool. >> Here we go. The elderly, [laughter] >> no matter what it cost. >> Oh, wait. That's the mother. That was her. I think the one >> I have really crying family. >> He knows all ABOUT THE WHITE DEATH. >> TAKE MY PLACE. >> WAIT A MINUTE. HE'S the survivor. He was the last survivor. >> Wait, so he is a part of his butt in the good way. I asked Minishi not to trust this man. My appetite. >> Yeah. Well, where's Minagishi now with no appetite? Cuz he dead. >> He's one of the survivors, bro. If not the only one. That's the you were right look. Looking like Kane. Wait. So, this guy has more of a reason than anybody else to get revenge. This movie is great. I wanted y'all to know that >> his family. Oh my [ __ ] god. Oh my god. [screaming] >> White death had taken everything. >> I wouldn't have been able to live, man. I wouldn't be able to live. >> Except for his son. His son survived. Oh, [laughter] >> I mean, obviously, we know he survived. Why am I acting so surprised? It It It's still cool. >> I searched for a way to strike. >> That's what he was doing. I thought he was building a suit. >> But forever honor. >> All right. So, he's the ultimate good guy. >> Ever give me a chance to make things right. >> Huh? Until now. >> Do you know what they call a lady bug in Japan? >> Ladybug? I don't know. That was a terrible joke. >> As a boy, it holds all the bad luck so that may live in peace. >> Oh my god. Wait a minute. What does that mean? Does that mean he's going to die? [laughter] >> Everything that's ever happened. You're the seven sorrow wielder here. >> I don't like the sun going on him like that. I'm worried now. >> Fate. The sun rising behind him. >> On this train. >> There's stuff going on here. Metaphors, imagery. >> Oh, he's 100% dying. >> Yeah, >> the grandfather's going to sacrifice himself. No wonder why he's so harsh on his son. Look where he comes from. >> You let me worry about the white death. >> He's Yo, no way. Hey, is he going to get one-shotted by the [ __ ] white desk? >> You forgot this. That [ __ ] briefcase. He's alive. He was right. >> He's fine. [laughter] >> Yo, he's never been happier in that moment. >> Seems like a decent guy. >> Maybe he's alive, too. >> Me, too. >> No, he's not. No [ __ ] way either. >> Still he had enough. >> What the [laughter] [ __ ] WAS HE SLEEPING? WAIT A MINUTE. But the other dude was dead. Dead. >> Wait a minute. That means I was right. I was right. THE OTHER GUY DIED. He lived. >> [ __ ] vessel. >> Oh, you drank the water. >> Maybe it was fate. The ladybug protected him with >> Where the [ __ ] is my brother? All right. Now, is he alive? There's no I I I literally saw him lit up. There's no way. Oh, he's dead. He's dead. Yeah, he's dead. Bro, I swear to God, he's like, "No, he might kill himself now to join him." Yeah, he's dead. Unless he's sleeping hard. I don't know. Oh, this song's brutal. >> That [snorts] this song is brutal, bro. These lyrics. They should start playing the Thomas the Train song. What are you? What is he? He's Thomas. >> YOU'RE MORE LIKE THOMAS. OH GOD, [ __ ] this movie. I hate it. He gave him the Thomas sticker. That's the ultimate praise. The best sticker you can get. [screaming] >> Sad movie. >> At least he's good. >> Fellas, we need to come up with a plan. >> Oh, I thought he was pissing on him. >> [ __ ] THROAT. YOUR [ __ ] PARTNER, KIRA NIGHTLY. >> Kara Nightly. WHEN WE ARE TO [laughter] YOU ARE SLOW to understand. >> What is she to do with this bro? >> Put a bullet TO YOUR [ __ ] ASS. >> WHEN YOU POINT A FINGER AT SOMEONE IN BLAME, there are four fingers pointing back at you. >> Three. >> That's >> a good saying. I'm going to start using that. >> Oh [ __ ] >> Get off me. >> That's when you stop breathing. >> Planted the tree. >> Okay. >> He resents resents the farmer. So how the plum plums have [ __ ] resentments now? >> The white death is a farmer. >> So we must kill him. >> It don't make sense. Why are you [ __ ] USING METAPHORS? LOOK, HE SHOT MY [ __ ] brother. [laughter] >> You shot my son. [snorts] >> Yeah, >> we prepare together or we die alone. >> That ain't going to do [ __ ] for you. >> My death waits for you. >> Load up all you want, buddies. >> An army of assassins, but he has no idea. My son and I even North Korea this train. I will get my revenge. >> Oh [ __ ] >> Wait a minute, man. This goes hard. >> Hey, I'm going to buy some time. [laughter] >> Oh my god, man. Yo, the soundtrack to this movie is sick. Would y'all get off at this stop? >> There he is. I thought it was going to be another big actor. Is that a big actor? Yo. Wow. Wow. Oh, I got chills, man. Oh my god. There he is. This guy looks awesome. Wait, wait a minute. Is that >> it? Hey, easy. >> Oh, I thought he stabbed him. Oh my god. Do it the [ __ ] that. Hurt people. Hurt people. I came to see you. >> Oh, it's Zod and to make you feel >> What the [ __ ] >> You son of a [ __ ] She speaks the tongue. >> Daddy issues figures. >> You ain't going to do it. >> That's why, bro. It's her brother. She spit on him. Oh, stupid. Stupid. Get her. Get her. Shoot your daughter or I'll do it. Yo, no way he's going to do that. >> I came here to kill you, so kill me. >> [ __ ] Kill me like you did all the others who tried the same. >> This is crazy. This is [ __ ] crazy. Where are they? My first time I'm pausing, by the way. I never [ __ ] pause, but I'm just trying to wrap my brain around this [ __ ] man. This is [ __ ] amazing. This movie. Oh my god. Like the twists and turns. They literally talked about that at the beginning of the movie about the twists and turns. The dude that died. No, he he's not even dead. He's not even dead, bro. Tangerine. Not Tangerine. Um the other guy, man. Oh my god. Crazy. He would never do that, man. He would never shoot her. He ain't that evil. >> Am I Am I dumb? Am I [ __ ] dumb? That's the gun. That's the [ __ ] gun. But he would know this. He would He would know what gun this is. [ __ ] do it. >> He would know the trap that's on it. >> He ain't dumb. Yeah, he ain't dumb. B, he knows. >> I seek. >> He should respect her for wanting to kill him. >> We have a plan. >> Damn. Way to rub salt in the wound. Oh my god, bro. >> What a stupid reason she has. >> What about the others? >> They're all dead. Uh, good news is I have your case. >> Let's go. >> Oh [ __ ] >> Thomas. >> Yeah, he gets to CONTROL THE TRAIN, BRO. ALL BECAUSE OF THOMAS. >> IN JAPANESE. >> Of course it is. >> No episode in Japanese. What the? [laughter] Thomas the Train is big in Japan, believe it or not. Only if they knew who he was. >> I got a bad feeling about this. We have no idea what's in this case. Is that I thought that was Shannon Tatum. >> Bought all our contracts, got us all on this train. I >> Me, the Hornet, the Tangerine, Lemon. >> Lemon. >> I brought you on this train hoping you'd kill each other. >> Okay. Well, um, if if I could, [laughter] >> why can't you give me an answer for that? >> You know what? You think these stupid mass are going to protect us? >> Yo, detention's higher than ever. Oh my god, my man's about to go off, man. And we're about to get a crazy climax. What was that? Was taken from me. >> All of our wives were taken from us. >> Join the line. >> So sorry for your loss. Nothing in life is an accident. >> Such a good actor. >> Oh man. >> On me, >> but fate. >> Fate got her ass. >> On a job in Bolivia, butchering my entire crew. It was my wife in the car that night, not me. >> It's like Bad Bunny situation. >> The wife of her red >> piercing could save her life. >> Wait, was it the guy they showed? >> But poisoned. [laughter] >> Oh my god, that's the guy they showed. >> Had your own kid killed? >> Oh yes. >> Okay. >> Yes, that was me. He was a piece of [ __ ] >> to wait for me. >> Kill that son of a [ __ ] >> It was >> literally he was a son of a [ __ ] >> Out of my life years ago. >> Now he blames himself. >> Would still be by my side. >> So I took control. I brought them all. >> He's calculating things in his head right now, man. Oh my god. >> Mr. Carver. >> Uh, excuse me. I'll go in for >> who murdered my wife. >> AH, WHAT THE [ __ ] [laughter] OH GOD, IT'S RYAN REYNOLDS. >> Oh [ __ ] [ __ ] >> You happy? >> DEADPOOL DID IN THAT [ __ ] HEY. OH MY GOD. YO. OH, I TOLD YOU THERE WAS SOMETHING IN THERE. OH, CARVER. Oh [ __ ] I knew it. No, I didn't. You ever been in this position? I had my wife like that last night. Yeah, man. For Thomas on top of the train, bro. Muggan train. Demon Slayer. Come on. OH, [screaming] COME ON, MAN. YO, THIS IS AWESOME. >> YO, what song is this? Holy [ __ ] Oh, it's I need a Hero in Japanese. >> [laughter] >> This is better than the REAL SONG. YEAH, [screaming] BRO. MORE STUFFED ANIMALS IN THIS movie got got than I've ever seen in my life. [screaming] GRANDPA, [groaning] [screaming] slice and dice. Badass. Oh. Oh my god. Woo. With the mask. You know what that mask is? Let him have it for your wife. >> [applause] >> Let's go. Let's [ __ ] go. This is the battle I've been waiting for, man. >> Join your wife. Our paths were distant to >> He should have been like, "You're going to join yours." >> Okay. Wait. >> Guys going through it today, man. Damn. >> And I realized that I don't know how to [ __ ] drive a bullet train. >> Dude, all you do is talk about trains [laughter] for life. KNOW HOW TO RAP. GET DONE. >> IT'S like all I do is watch anime. I should know Japanese, right? Here we go. Here we [ __ ] go. Oh, it's going to be a one a one move type of fight. They both are pretty much fighting for the same reasons. Different extremes. How is this guy going to make it to the end of the movie, man? What? [screaming] >> Oh my god. I didn't see THAT COMING. WHERE'D HE LEARN THAT? >> OH, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. >> THAT SHIT'S SHARP. OH MY GOD. DAMN. The daughter's going to get involved. I'm telling you. The daughter's going to kill him. The daughter's going to come up behind him and kill him or some [ __ ] And then I'm going to like her after hating her on her the whole [ __ ] film. Oh my English, bro. Yeah. Get the manual. It's somewhere in there. >> I got it. >> Yo, I've never I've never seen anything like this. What the [ __ ] bro? The train didn't even stop. It just keeps going because of how fast it is, man. How strong that [ __ ] is. Uh, got him. Hey. >> Yeah, they got to do another movie. [laughter] >> You're rude by >> Wait, I don't remember. Did the daughter get off the train or is she still there? >> You cannot control. >> She's getting involved somehow. >> Save his ass. >> And I'm sorry about Tangerine. Aw. >> YEAH, BUT I GOT ANOTHER BROTHER NOW. >> REALLY? >> You No way. >> [ __ ] No. >> No. [laughter] Like there's no way, man. No way. Was he going to say that? [screaming and groaning] >> Well, that was brief. He's alive. He landed in water. That's what caused the next tsunami. >> For all tide's sake. He's doing it again. There's no way the daughter's going to come up behind him and shoot him. I'm telling you, man. Something's going to happen. He's got to stop it. He's going to stop it. >> That's so badass. Imagine it came out. Uh, all about fate. That's it. That's it. [ __ ] it. [ __ ] WHAT THE [ __ ] MAN? OH, HE DIDN'T DO IT. HE DIDN'T DO IT. [screaming] [laughter] We're seeing the water bottle's fate. >> I want bubble milk, too. >> It all started with that girl. It started with that girl. That water bottle's been everywhere. >> No way. >> [laughter] >> FROM THE VENDING MACHINE TO THE MOTHERFUCKER'S HEAD. OH MY GOD, THAT WAS CRAZY. Everything happens for a reason. Fate. You don't believe in fate, bro. There you go. What about the water bottles, fate? Yo, is he about to die, too? You don't survive this. Oh, he's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. Bro, imagine you're having LUNCH AND A [ __ ] BULLET TRAIN COMES THROUGH YOU. So that's how we survives. The mascot fate. It's all fate. How many people died? Well, how many locals just died, bro? Just having lunch. What a [ __ ] ending. Oh my god. One of the most destructive endings I've seen for real. Huh? How? Now it's going to destroy the kids in the town. Ain't no [ __ ] way. THERE'S NO [ __ ] WAY. >> I WOULD HAVE been one of the ones dead on the train. I would have never survived that. >> It's a mistake. I'm not Carver. >> The white death is better by die by the white >> grab jobs. Carver. >> Yeah. No, he had a stomach thing. >> Fate, man. The stomach. There's a reason why he had stomach problems. Thank god he did. Ryan Reynolds. He has a big career ahead of him. >> For what it's worth, Carver is a dick. Maybe the laziest, but >> bad luck, boy. The ladybug. >> A COME ON. >> THE LADYBUG GOT IT AGAIN, >> BRO. [screaming] >> OKAY. >> Oh my god. The daughter killed. Oh my god. Half his face is blowing off. Oh, this movie was great. This movie was great. I heard it got like bad reviews, man. That's the only thing I heard about it. What the [ __ ] you mean a bad movie, bro? This was great. It was funny, entertaining, awesome. What more could you ask for? The definition of a movie. It was unique, too. Even the actors that were a part of it. So cool. Sagoy Subarashi. Wow. >> Plum plum, >> man. We just get up and go home. >> Get this [ __ ] out of here, bro. How about you? You point it at yourself. >> The narcissism on this chick. >> We got to get her rid of her. >> Wait. >> What? >> What's with this [ __ ] family? >> Surviving borderline personality disorder. >> FPD. Yes. Yes. Yes. I've read about that. >> I I am the white. >> What was this? Were those tangerines? >> Was that Karm? Is that Karma? >> Farewell. >> Tangerine. >> Wow. >> This might be one of the best movies I've watched. Is that Carver? Oh my god. It's going to be Ryan Reynolds. Oh, that's who she was. He was speaking to. >> Take the gun. >> Oh my god. Did you >> Sandra Bulock? >> We're almost there. You just need to get up. >> Did you come to rescue me? >> MY GOD. WHO'S NOT IN this movie? rescuing. Okay. Don't >> thought it was going to be Carver. >> What's happening to your face? Are you Are you crying? >> It's a lot to process. >> I want you to know. >> I'd be crying, too. We have that experience. >> Maybe there was a little head trauma. >> Maybe a >> little bit. >> I think I had some. >> Yeah. Need a banana? >> Yes. >> Have one in the car. Simple. [snorts] >> I would be shocked if Stallone was in this movie, too. >> They got to make another one. >> Good luck. Maybe we're all just agents of fate. Nice car. >> Yes, it is. >> Yeah, look at that. >> Holy moly. >> RIP. >> Well, we got to get out of Japan. I don't think we should be here. >> How do you know it's a bad thing? >> Look what we did to Japan. They're dealing with enough. >> I do. >> Turning that upside down. >> I do. >> Reverse psychology, that [ __ ] What a great movie. I give this a solid nine. I love this [ __ ] man. I enjoyed every second of it. I was on the edge of my seat, bro. It's fun. >> Obviously didn't want me to have >> It was exciting. Thrilling. >> Bad Bunny could still be alive. You don't know. >> Needs me to find a smart toilet. >> Look at these kids. They're like, >> "Can you hold it? >> I'm ballpointing. >> What a walk home that'll be." >> David. Oh my god, bro. Excellent. Excellent movie. [ __ ] loved it. All right, let's see if there's an ending credit scene just in case. Wait, wait, wait. There's something. There's something. There's something. There's some 10 minutes earlier. >> Of course he's alive. >> How the [ __ ] is that guy alive? [laughter] >> No way. He's going to die in the postredit scene. [laughter] >> How do you find that? >> Tangerines. >> I can't [ __ ] believe it. I can't [ __ ] believe it. He was driving the [ __ ] tangerine truck. HE WAS DRIVING THE TANGERINE TRUCK. >> HUH? [laughter] >> Wait a minute. Is he going to die now? >> Oh my god. He's going to die now, isn't he? Let's see. There's got to be something. No, it is nothing. Oh my god. I I'm really happy y'all requested this one because to me it was like a It was a black sheep of all the reactions. Usually everybody's telling me Harry Potter, Pirates, Kung Fu Panda, all of these massive big franchises. And then this one because I told y'all I don't want to watch anything that's part of a franchise that's massive. [music] Give me something else, you know? And y'all gave me Bullet Train and what do you know? I [ __ ] loved it. So, I want y'all to let me know down below. Whether this is on Patreon, YouTube, Patreon gets the full uncut reaction. But wherever you are right now in the comments, let me know down below what movie do you want me to watch next time. I want something similar to this. A oneandone. Not saying this won't have a sequel, but uh I think it would benefit from a sequel. It' be pretty cool. Who knows who else they'll have in the movie, you know? But yeah, man. Other than that, I am gone.