Video summary
The speaker opens by addressing a disturbing trend he believes is prevalent among Black women, questioning whether they are culturally conditioned or groomed for mistreatment. He cites several high-profile incidents, including a pastor who shot his wife in 2023 only to reconcile years later, and another woman who publicly pursued a man after leaving her own troubled relationship. The speaker argues that by chasing men and engaging in behaviors he views as desperate or obsessive, women inadvertently signal their willingness to accept abuse, effectively playing into a dynamic where they are "shot" emotionally or physically. He suggests that this mindset is not an anomaly but a common reality for many Black individuals growing up in America.
He attributes this conditioning to the harsh socioeconomic realities and unstable environments many Black families face, such as poverty, eviction, food insecurity, and exposure to domestic violence within their own households. The speaker describes how children are often raised in homes filled with drug addiction, alcoholism, and physical altercations between parents or against children, normalizing abuse from a very young age. In these settings, he argues that if a child does not experience some form of sexual or physical abuse, they are considered an anomaly. This environment teaches them to expect violence as a standard part of relationships, making it difficult for them to recognize healthy boundaries later in life.
The video further explores the psychological dynamics within abusive relationships, using a personal anecdote from his youth where a young woman explicitly stated she wanted to be physically abused because her father choked her mother and her sisters were choked by their partners. She believed that physical aggression was proof of love, while mental abuse was used as a precursor to physical violence. The speaker highlights how this cycle often involves women mentally abusing their partners first, which then leads men to respond with physical abuse, creating a self-perpetuating loop. He urges listeners to honestly assess whether they have tolerated abuse in the past and if they are currently conditioned to accept it, emphasizing that while people can change, they rarely change *with* someone who is stuck in these patterns.
Ultimately, the speaker concludes by calling for a shift in perspective and behavior, urging Black women and men alike to identify what abuse looks like so they can walk away when it occurs rather than staying out of fear or familiarity. He stresses the importance of self-reflection, asking individuals to confront their own history with trauma and decide if they will tolerate mistreatment in future relationships. The goal is to break the cycle by recognizing that love does not require submission to violence or mental manipulation, encouraging everyone to build healthier dynamics based on mutual respect rather than the traumatic conditioning of their upbringing.
Read the full video transcript
Hey, hey, Tony Gash's here popping in.
Now, somebody sent me this thing
about a couple I believe it's in
Mississippi, but I could be wrong.
And I'll be in Mississippi this week for
a podcast and also in New Orleans for
another podcast
wrapping up this leg of the podcast
tour. as y'all see, going out to spread
the message, get the word out. Just had
a really great podcast interview with a
couple of brothers who they have a money
podcast. So, it was a different little
venture for them into my space and us
talking about a little bit of love and
relationship stuff.
But it's real good.
But wanted to touch on this here because
I saw
this post where I believe they say it
was a pastor who shot
his wife. It was I guess it was his wife
at the time she lived and that was I
believe it said 2023 and now they back
together in 2026. And it made me ask the
question because I also saw how
yada the awakening
how and I know some people somebody
wrote in thinking that I confused him
with somebody else named Yaki but I
didn't confuse him. I I never even heard
of Yaki, but I know who Yada the
awakening is
and
how he was with his woman for eight
years and then she finally left with she
went and really shot herself in the foot
cuz she went on this brother's podcast
to tell her story and really shot
herself in the foot because she
basically
is a thought, you know, basically showed
that she like chased the man down,
following the man, was obsessed with the
man really like the man would have it's
he
felt like he could do what he did
because of how she pursued him
and
all that she did with him. and then
really just really played the man like a
baser which really shows how lame that
he is to fall for some mess like that
because you know she's a normal woman.
It's not like you going to see her and
write home to mama or you going to trip
and fall out. She's a normal woman.
And so
she, you know, tell the man she want a
massage and they end up having sex that
night. She tried to lie and say she
can't remember if it was the first night
or second night, but that's why she told
that lie cuz he definitely had sex with
her after massaging her and talking
about she woke up to him massaging her.
It's like, okay.
And then somehow her clothes come off
and then somehow they having sex. So
it's like ma'am, you lost all
credibility. Like you signed up to get
punched in the eye because when you go
chasing a man like that, you telling him
you want to be abused? And that leads to
my question like are black women raised
or groomed for abuse?
And that's what we got to change.
And I want y'all to think about this.
Because of our lives
in America and being quote unquote
minorities, understanding minority
meaning less of us, not less than, but
less in number, not less worth or less
value. Some people get caught up in
those semantics. But coming from what we
come from, not having stable jobs, not
having good paying jobs, not being able
to afford nannies and babysitters,
not being able to afford daycare or
school, whether that's I don't know what
they'll call it, primary school or
whatever kind of school, not on average
not being able to afford those things or
be in those positions. doesn't set us up
for abuse because we we being dropped
off at this person house, that person
house, whoever is retired or whoever is
out of work and living off food stamps
or welfare. We're being dropped off to
their house. Everybody dropping their
kids off and all these kids there, the
person who owned the house is tired and
stressed and
minding their business. They might be
smoking cigarettes, might be drinking,
might be playing cars, watching the
stories, you know, the stories is, you
know, as the world turns and
shine guiding light and all of that. And
so they they they tied up. And then here
we are as kids just sitting on there
playing with each other, body parts, and
fanging each other and kissing each
other and playing house. And and then
you got the older cousins that's over
there. You got the you got the drunk
uncles and aunties. You got the drug
addict uncles and aunties. You got the
nasty old pervert uncles and aunties.
You got the the nasty granddaddy and
step granddaddy and all of that right
there to the house and these people just
over there doing what they want to do.
And it's so many of us with these
stories. It's so many of us with these
experiences.
And when you talk to people, you hear so
much of this to where it's a rarity.
You're an anomaly if you didn't go
through like sexual abuse or physical
abuse or some type of abuse at a young
age. Like you you an anomaly if you're a
black person and you could say, "Hey, I
never went through that." Like I never
was exposed to sexual things, sexual
activities or a nudie magazine or
porno or whatever at a young age. like
you really got to fall on your knees and
pray and like just give thanks to God.
And
it's very real out here. And that's the
thing that you have to realize that you
could be conditioned
for abuse because when you done missed
meals, when you done slept outside, when
you done slept in a car, when you done
come home and all the furniture is out
on the curb because y'all are evicted.
when you hear a a beeping outside and
and it's a truck backing up to hook up
to your car to repo your mama car, your
daddy car. When you watching the man in
the house beat on the woman in the house
or the woman on the house beat on the
children in the house or whatever it may
be, the man beating on the children, you
are being conditioned for abuse. So here
go this lady, she get shot and in some
kind of way something this man said to
her and then told her then got her back
with him and ma'am next time you're
going to get shot again and next time
he's going to kill you and if he don't
shoot you he just going to beat you to
death. That's all going to happen. Like
ain't nobody changing after that. Like
yes, can a person change? Absolutely.
But you ain't changing from that and not
with that person. And that's what a lot
of people don't understand. Like yes, a
person can change, but they can't change
with you.
Rarely can a person change with you.
They could change,
but that don't mean they can change with
you.
So that's what I need you to understand.
is
you have to ask yourself,
am I conditioned for abuse?
And if the answer is yes, be straight up
with yourself. Be honest with yourself
about that.
Come to terms with yourself about that.
You also have to look at the
relationships or relationship that
you've had and ask yourself, did I
tolerate
abuse?
You also have to ask yourself
when I get into a relationship or my
next relationship,
will I tolerate abuse?
And you got to ask yourself about that.
Will I?
Because
you have to identify what this looks
like, what abuse looks like, so that
when it shows up, when it happens, you
won't be there for it. You'll be ready
to walk away. you'll be ready to leave
and to move on because you see, oh wow,
this is what this looks like. And so I
want you to think about this because one
thing I noticed
is and I done I done been with black
women, not really as an adult. I was 19
to 21 years old with one black woman and
then met my wife at 21.
The young lady I was with from 19 to 21,
she had four sisters
and told me that all of them was being
abused. And then her mom was also being
abused, all at the hands of black men.
And so then she wanted to be abused at
the hands of me. And she told me
basically that if I don't yoke her up,
whatever, grab her, put hands on her,
that that tells her I don't love her.
And that was her mindset and philosophy.
She was like, you know, I believe that
right there come with love. Like if you
care, cuz she was like, my dad do it to
my mom then choke my mom. All my sisters
have been choked by they man. So that's
how you know a man care about you. And I
never forget my sister came to me and
she was like, "Yeah, Tony." She told me
that
she love when you get angry.
She love to make you mad. She love to
see you mad. I'm like, "Wow, little
demon." I say that why I be losing my
mind. And that's why I try to tell y'all
like so she was conditioned for abuse
and then so what she knew how to do was
mentally she knew how to mentally abuse
and she wanted me to physically abuse.
And that's what a lot of people don't
realize that that's usually the dynamic
between men and women when abuse is
present. A lot of times the woman abuses
mentally
and the man loses his wits and then he
abuses physically. So think about this.
Come to terms with it. Realize if this
is your truth.
Realize if this is your truth
and
and address it, you know, be real with
yourself.
Be real with yourself, y'all. Cool
story, but my close close friend
grandfather
founded Publix.
That's where I'm going in right now. So,
why I support Publix?
Real cool little story. Never you never
would have thought that that you knew
somebody that know the founder of
Publix. But hey, God bless you. I'm
going to shoot another video when I get
back in the car. But I don't want to be
walking and talking in here. So, I'm
going to film another video when I get
in the car and we'll finish up on this
here. God bless you. Talk soon.