Amos and Andy: The Kingfish Gets a Delivery Job in a Flower Shop (#419)

[Music] The Amos and Andy Show transcribed written by Joe connley and Bob moer featuring erisin Wade Johnny Lee Amanda Randolph Sarah Selby Jeff Alexander's music Yours Truly harlo Wilcox and starring radio's all-time favorites Freeman gden and Charles Carell Amos s [Applause] Andy how do you do ladies and gentlemen I am Freeman gazden my partner Charles Carell and I want to remind you that you can help strengthen the president's hand as he strives for peace and prosperity for the Free World take a personal part in the battle for men's Minds The all an effort to stem the tide of Communism without War do it by backing Radio free Europe This hard-hitting independently operated American Enterprise pierces the Iron Curtain with programs of Truth hope and encouragement for 70 million captive people it blasts communist lies about America and the Free World it helps Freedom hungry people resist the mental and physical shackles imposed by their communist overlords it makes its eager listeners in Poland Hungary jeos Slovakia Romania Bulgaria our firm and Faithful Friends back Radio free Europe with your dollars Your Truth dollars mail all you can afford to Crusade for Freedom care of your local postmaster it's a solid investment for the kind of a world we all want [Music] when the kingfish got home this evening he found his wife Sapphire and her mother waiting for him in the living room with a rather startling bit of news George me and Mama went out today and got you a job yeah son-in-law what do you got to say to that well as the caddy said when the golf ball hit him in the mouth this thing is pretty hard to swallow [Applause] yes George we went out to the employment agency and signed you up at least I hope is that you got me a executive job it's in a flower shop delivering flowers now wait a minute now look George you ain't getting out of it here's the car the employment agency give us you reports to the proprietor of the flower shop tomorrow evening now here's his name right here on the card VR Thompson they're busy and they need somebody to help out nights holy mael me in a flower shop don't you realize what this will do to me working among all them sweet smelling flowers all day what do you mean George well look at the boys I play cards with Tom works in the glue factory Fred is over the Stockyards Peter's in the tan and good old Lenny is second made on the garbage scow tell you if I comes in there smelling like a petunia I going to be ostracized in my social [Music] set you you been at that flower shop for a week now Kingfish how you doing well Andy I was catching on Co the first day I didn't know palting High biscuit from uh night blooming sciatica well delivering flowers you must have to do a lot of walking how is your Feet's holding up well not so good my arches is done dropped and my feets are done really flattened out on men in the morning instead of using a shoe horn I has to ease them into my shoes with a pancake turn on yeah funny how employment always settles in your feets well Andy the job in the flower shop ain't so bad if it wasn't for my hair fever oh that's really giving you trouble huh oh I tell you any all that hair fever kill me boy every time I go out to deliver my eyes really Waters up on me well now well here I had to deliver some flowers to a funeral over in Jersey yesterday I got there just as the services was over and was C Ling so much that the Undertaker took one look at me and put me in the first Carriage I finally wound up on the outskirts of h bookan crying over a grave of a total stranger yeah man that's bad being algebraic to flowers and everything but tell me something uh what kind of boss has you got at that flower shop well now that is the only nice thing about the job Andy she happens to be a very nice young girl uh gu I thought VR Thompson was a man I didn't know she was a the feline gender her name is Valerie Roberta Thompson and yeah she really a beautiful girl she got a beautiful face and form and when I look at her I think of the figure head on the bow of a graceful clipper ship and then son I goes home and looks at Sapphire and for the first time in my life I realizes it's a long way from bow to the poop deck well uh tell me this uh what does Sapphire think about you working for a beautiful girl well I don't know in I ain't mentioned it to her yeah but ain't sappire going to be jealous when she finds it out listen I ain't the fandon type the last time I had my arm around a woman was when I was a volunteer fireman and the old lady's home burned down all right mama ain't it nice the stores is open tonight we got most of our shopping done yes daughter but this ain't the way home what we doing over here on the boulevard well Mama I thought we'd stop in the flower shop see George I'd like to meet Mr Thompson all right all right you know Mama George is so interested in this job while he goes to work early and he's worked late every night this week you ask me there's some angle to it there's always some kind of cheese to attract a rat she's to attract the rat oh now mama here we are H VR Thompson Flores come on let's go in can I help you uh yes we'd like to speak to Mr Stevens Mr Stevens Oh Oh you mean George I think we found the leader cray I I think he's in back I'll call him oh Georgie Georgie I guess he's out uh tell me Miss uh do you uh uh work here well I own the shop I'm Miss Thompson would you care to leave a message for George message uh no no no just tell George that a couple of old friends sto by well as soon as Georgie gets back I'll tell him you two sweet old ladies were here huh come on Mama Mama VR Thompson is a woman you don't think that's why George has been working late in the flower shop well I'll tell you one thing Sapphire that fat head better stick to water in his patunas or he's going to wind up with a lily on his [Music] [Applause] [Music] chest how do you do ladies and gentlemen I'm Charles Carell cerebel paly two words terrible enough to strike fear into the hearts of parents you know recently children born with terrible py and in the United States this occurs once every 55 minutes we're doomed to live a life apart from other children slight to become a burden to their community and themselves today slowly but surely that picture is being changed through the program of treatment and other care of United cerebal py the cerebal pade can overcome many of the handicaps of the dread crippler this program which has brought hope to thousands of children and adults Across the Nation needs your help to continue your help in the form of dollars with proper care and treatment a substantial number of the cerebal PID May learn to use their limbs my partner Freeman gden joins me in asking you to contribute to this great work your help is urgently needed please send your donation send whatever you can to United cerebel paly care of your local postmaster [Music] Jo Stevens you got to quit that job now you listen I ain't quitting that job at the flower shop oh we know what you're up to you mangy Old Timber Wolf that woman over there saying Geor oh Georgie huh oh wait a minute y you was the one that got me the job in the first place now don't blame me for all that well we never would have if we done know VR THS son was a young girl well now look at my age I ain't the type to look at young girls saire when it comes to men that ain't no age they stops eying the young girls that's why they got shades on a [Applause] hearse now listen here I ain't got no interest in the gal you got the job for me and I ain't quitting now don't blame me if it backfired on you now out of my way women I got to get to work oh mama what am I going to do daughter in a case like this you got to Fight Fire with Fire make him jealous pretend you was interested in another man oh but mama I couldn't do that and anyhow I don't know no other man well we got to find somebody any man will do oh wait a minute I just thought about the perfect man that big fat friend of his Andy Brown you have him up here for supple while George is working and that'll start people talking but Mama Andy is so UNC so crude and boring with such terrible tablean why he's repulsive well there you is daughter it'll be just like George ain't never left the house [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh boy show is lonely around the lodge Hall with the kingfish working I wish I could do something anybody here oh no no no uh the kingfish is working Miss stens oh I know that I came to talk to you Andy yeah well what can I do for you miss Stevens oh no Andy not Mrs Stevens call me what George calls me you mean right to your face oh yeah oh you you mean you mean Sapphire yeah yeah what can I do for you Sapphire well Andy I just dropped by to invite you up to supper tonight supper tonight yes Andy I'm having a wonderful supper wild rice and roast duck well I guess I could make it oh fine shall we say about sevenish well I think we better say about 7:15ish I got to iron out a [Music] shirt daughter in that strapless evening gown you is positively a knockout oh mama listen mama you think George will find out about the dinner and be jealous oh look here daughter i' done set the table right here by the window the shades is up and old nosy Mrs cart right across the just can't help noticing what's going on that old gossip will spread it all over town oh mama there's the buzzer that's Andy now yeah yeah oh oh fine daughter I'll duck out to a movie by the back way so you'll be here alone all right Mama oh it's you Andy darling do come in yeah well uh evening Sapphire I want uh uh oh excuse me uh I didn't mean to bust in while you were still in your camle oh no no Andy this is a new gown my dress maker made it yeah too bad she didn't have time to finish the thing but I guess if the kingfish likes it well it's all right well won't you sit down Andy dinner will be ready in a few minutes oh fine yeah yeah say sappire I just noticed in there there's only two places at the table ain't you going to eat with me and the kingish oh George is working tonight Andy where's your mama why yeah Mama went to the movies you mean there ain't nobody up here except you me and the roast duck that's right [Laughter] Andy yeah sappa I think I better get going uh cing Emily the duck ain't much of a chaperon especially a dead one oh now now Andy George will be here later well okay I guess it's all right oh of course it is now you sit right here by the window Andy now that's it right by the light now Andy let me pass you an advertizer yeah yeah uh wait a minute these crackers has got worms on them Andy them is an chovi I don't care who they belong to I ain't going to eat them yes well Andy you just sit there I'll go get the soup yeah I well Sapphire listen before you get the soup uh would you mind pulling that shade down there I got a feeling we is being watched from across the court there oh Andy there ain't nobody lives there but old Mrs cartright yeah but look at that window shade there's a eyeball peeking out the right side of it and there's a eyeball peing not the left side of it either she doneall in a neighbor or that Mrs cartrite has got a head 4T wide now Andy don't pay no attention I'll be right [Music] back well well Sapphire that certainly was a nice supper but it's getting late you know what I better be going oh no hurry Annie no hurry now you just sit here by the wind in this easy chair I'll sit on on the arm here and we'll talk yeah well okay I'll wait a little longer for the kingfish yeah let me put my cigar here in the ashtray oh here you are that's right now make yourself comfortable you know Andy you is George's best friend but I never got to know you real well don't you think that when two people has been married as long as me and George um sometimes they drifts apart until the attraction and they once had for each other is all a part of the dim past don't you think this occurs in many instances don't you think so Andy some lover boy I wanted a Romeo and I wound up with a Rip Van [Music] [Applause] [Music] Winkle h sa find and Mama must have gone to bed huh well I got them two old girls where I want them begging me to quit the job Bo I tell you well the table is head here by the window canle sticks on it h duck bones I guess she and Mama had dinner here tonight wait a minute though what's this cigar here and there couldn't be mam cuz this is a Philadelphia stoi and mam partial to white owls well maybe the old wus switched their brand I [Music] don't good morning Mr Nice of to see large hall George kingf Stevens Bean uh uh who is this a nameless neighbor my wife with a what with a who with a where wait a minute who is this uh hello hello well they done hung up holy mackerel the nameless friend say A man was up in my apartment last night uhhuh that seagar and the table set for two I going to find out who it was and kill him I going to kill him dead How could a fell do this to me sneaking up and having dinner with my wife while I was out how could he do this to me with duck at a dollar and a quarter a pound I [Music] [Applause] [Music] ain't the United States Air Force faces today the most serious problem in its history the problem of supplying trained men to our Global Air Force that has to be at Peak efficiency 24 hours a day 365 days a year the US Air Force is charged with the prime responsibility of defending the continental United States against their attack and it must be ready at a moment's notice to retaliate with devastating effect against the homeland of any aggressor during the next 12 months 200,000 first term enlistments will expire these men enlisted at the time of the Korean Invasion and many of them are not Korean minded and will need to be replaced young men have a definite advantage in an Air Force career because it offers many opportunities for travel education adventure and Security in the Air Force you can learn many skills that will qualify you for a specialist job with correspondingly Advanced pay and will qualify you in civilian life as well when you join the Air Force you join the young man's team and they need you now see your local recruiting station for further information [Music] [Applause] yes Calhoun that is the whole sad story when I went out working last night my wife invited a stranger up to the apartment she cooked a big supper for him wild rice roast duck strawberry short cake for dessert and then after dinner she sat on the arm of his chair and whispered sweet nothings into his ear how you like that c my wife inviting a man up to dinner and do an that while I was working that is something Kingfish there's just one more question I want to ask about this whole mess what is that Calhoun old pal when is the next night you waking late now listen calhon this ain't no time for joviality yeah I got to find this foul fend that Ultra violated the Stanky of my home you say a nameless neighbor done called up and tipped you off this morning huh yeah then the neighbor knows who the fell is but they ain't going to tell you what you got to do is get somebody to Snoop around the neighborhood and find out the man's name some real crafty sneak some sneak yeah that's a great idea Calhoun when can you do it I can leave right now now look here meanwhile I'll get my old pal Andy over large Hall here and see if he got any angles on who this double Crosser could be oh me out of all the women's in New York why would this fell get interested in Sapphire well that's the way it is in life King Fish an attraction like that is one of the mysteries of nature there's a certain spark a certain magnetism you know a certain Fascination yeah I knew that but what would draw this man to Sapphire she ain't much to look at neither is a hippopotamus but at the zoo that always draws the biggest [Music] [Applause] [Music] crowd oh me when I find out who this fell is I really going to Tam the bits I going to take something well here I is Kingfish here I am well oh I see you br the stuff I found you about Andel oh yeah look I don't know what this is all about Kingfish but I got the stuff all here in this box here's the 38 pistol that I got the permit for when the burglar was in the neighborhood uhhuh brass knuckles lead pipe the 2x4 with the nail and the end oh yeah oh yeah thank Andy I needs this stuff yeah I going after somebody boy and when I find this fell I going to Tar him to pieces oh hot dog this sound like fun yeah good idea is to Wing the poor boob with the pistol and then go to work with him with the lead pipe Who is the sap well uh I'm waiting now for for a call from Calhoun to find out who he is you see oh that's fine listen I'll sit down and wait with you I want to be here when the slaughter start yeah what' he do to you anyway King Fish well a this home recer this fi do you know what he done no what like a thief in the night like a dirty thief in the middle of the night yeah he come into my home and he'd untampered with my most precious possession holy mackerel Kingfish you mean it'd unbroke your t T ision set oh no and while I was working late last night this home recer come up and had dinner with my wife and then uh then uh say Andy uh you were smoking a cigar a minute ago uh what done happened to it yeah I got to stop smoking these slippery cigars every time he inhales I swallows the thing oh oh me kingfish let me ask you a question here what is it Andy oel this fell that you and me is waiting here so Jolly Jolly to beat the Daylights out of he done had dinner with your wife last night right well like napoleons say at waterl what wouldn't I give to be in Poria on a night like this and I'm glad you here when I find this fell the first thing I going to do is take the lead pipe I going to bash I I go wait let me get to hello yeah this is the king fish can't quite hear you oh oh hi you Calhoun oh you did huh uh great work uh uh who is he uh who uh spell oute I say spell oute we got a bad disconnection spell oute I can't hear you what's that b as in bum r as in rat o as other man W as an weasel and N like he's nearer than I think he was oh thank you Carol hon I figured this my out thank you b [Music] or give me my gun here stand where you wait a minute so you was the one that snuck up in my place and had dinner with my wife last night no now wait a minute Kingfish I thought that you was going to be there I am just as innocent as a little lamb that lost his way well I'll teach you to whiff and poofing around my way now listen King Prest put down that lead pipe will you this is ridiculous the last person in the whole world I'd be interested in is your wife oh so she ain't good enough for you huh I'll teach you you monster hold it Kingfish hold it hold it hey Kingfish oh see wait a minute here what in the world is you Two Fellas up to he was while I was out working last night this went up and had dinner with my wife I did not amamos listen Sapphire invited me I thought the kingfish was going to be there oh wait a minute now Kingfish and Andy now listen King Fish if you was working and Sapphire invited Andy up to dinner there well there must have been some reason for it yeah Kingfish Amos is right well now wait a minute you I I I I uh uh uh I guess you're right yeah see she been jealous of me and that Miss Thompson at the flower shop I bet she done this to pay me back to make me jealous yeah sure yeah well what is he going to do King Fish what I going to do I was moving out of the house I'll teach them to pull this on me they was the ones that got me the job yeah that's the stuff Kingfish yeah by the way Andy take this ow Kingfish what do you me on the head with that lead pipe for for eating all that duck you big fat pig [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] George you just has to quit your job and come back here to their apartment well this is something asking me to give up a job nip my career in the butt give up good money well George you don't have to worry about the money mama has agreed to give us $50 a week if you stopped working with that young girl you mean to say your mama is making an offer to support me wait a minute here at a time like this a hands got to be big so I'll do the manly thing I'll quit the job tomorrow oh George that's wonderful of you we'll never make you go to work again as long as you live all right but I hope you realize what I is given up I given up the chance of a life to I'll get the phone I'll get it in the bedroom oh George just think you giving up this wonderful job for my sake yeah I resign tomorrow and remember s I giving up the chance of a lifetime for you I given up the son-in-law uh what do you want take this oh mama you hit George on the head with a face why that was a flower shop on the phone this bomb was fired for inefficiency 10 days ago hit him again M I will [Applause] [Music] [Applause] this is harlo Wilcox again reminding you to listen to this CBS radio station each evening Monday through Friday for the Amos and Andy Music Hall it's Amos and Andy at the very best plus interviews with famous guests and lots of good popular music your local newspaper will give you the time of the Amos and Andy Music Hall so remember to tune in and enjoy the fun and music and laugh with Amos and Andy yes that's right folks every evening Monday through Friday on this CBS station thank you and good night see you tomorrow night on the Music [Applause] Hall be sure to be with us at this same time next Sunday for the amamos and Andy Show transcribed and directed by Cliff Howell now stay tuned for our Miss Brooks which follows immediately over most of these same stations [Applause] [Music]