Amos and Andy: Dismal Dell Cabin (#414)

that's the absolute finest television set I ever did see well now wait a minute how you know that such a fine television set Andy you ain't even got the thing turned on don't need to turn this set on to know it's the greatest amus just got to look at the name plate see what it says CBS oh CBS yeah that makes the greatest sight unseen oh CBS CBS Columbia makers of America's most advanced radio and television receivers present transcribe the Amos and Andy Show written by Joe Connelly and Bob moer featuring Amanda Randall fernest Dean Wade Johnny Lee Amos Reese Gus baz lud gluskins music Yours Truly harlo Wilcox and starring radio's all-time favorites Freeman gden and Charles Carell Amos and Andy [Applause] [Music] the kingfish and his wife Sapphire and her mother planned on spending a month's vacation in Mama's Cottage up in the country the kingfish has just been up to look the place over after the winter and has just returned with bad news what's this you say George they had a flood up where our cabin is flood I'll say there was when I got there the Coast Guard was draining out the cabin they had a bill pump down the chimney oh my sweet little cottage in the country years ago I spent my honeymoon up there yeah well unless you was a romantic bar Cuda ain't exactly ideal honeymoon spot no more now George stop this fooling is there any dampness in the house well there was a little in the living room a little how much about 10 ft but the water done receded well is the floors dried out now that's hard to tell honey you see when the flood receded the it receded the floor with it that's what happened well we ain't got the money to fix it up I guess we'll just have to give up any thought of a vacation right now you know maybe we could rent it out to somebody oh don't be silly only a boob would want a place like that then you shouldn't have no trouble takes one to No One Mama's right George you know the thing we ought to do is put an ad in the newspaper come on Mama we'll go in and call him up trying to rent that flooded ctage this ain't going to be easy it would take a fish to live up there a fish uh F uh say wait a minute here I think I know was just the big fat pooped out purpose to occupy that aquarium [Music] too just keep walking and the ctage is just over this next null down in the Little Valley yeah lovely location and situated right between uh disappointment nose and gutted Glenn beautiful spot there well listen Kingfish I don't know why I should be taking a vacation this time of the year oh look Andy I worried about you you spend the whole winter down here in the city breathing this obnoxious air well you mean the air up here is better well certainly it is and in the city the air is one p hydrogen and two parts Carbon Peroxide there's only one way that you can get pure had in this and there and I don't think you want to spend your vacation in no oxygen tent do you no well maybe you was right Kingfish but uh tell me something is the water in the lake down there been rising lately rising or what make you say that well that show looks to me like there was a flood up here yeah well now here we is Andrew right here here here we is boy look at there there is your Dream Cottage yeah I want to uh wait a minute Kingfish mhm if the water don't rise around here how come the houses up in the air on 6ot pylons uh ventilation and there under the house the they got what you call a Breezeway now come on Andy let's climb the steps here and take a look at your beautiful mansion boy yeah well okay yeah now follow me across the porch Andy watch the loose boards there uh here Andy I tell you when you move in uh uh say Andy uh and um that's funny he was here a minute ago Andy Andy where is you I was down here in the Breezeway King Fish wait a minute this ain't no time to play games come on out of there yeah give me your hand here yeah stand on that rock down there come on come on up up up all right all right there you holy mackerel Kingfish I went right through the porch well like any please the boys need a little tightening up you know come on let's go in the door here door needs a little tightening too don't it uh just step over the thing there andy uh uh look the living room over there andy see there nice new floors we put in here well listen King leave it down the floor now here we is just one big room how you get five rooms out of this place well like all summer places Andy you just draws a curtain now you see you draws the curtain like this and there you is on this side of the curtain you got a bedroom and on the other side you got a nice 8x4 living room that don't give me much of a living room suppose I want to have a big housewarming party I got about 30 or 40 friends I'd like to have up how's I going to entertain them all in that little bitty living room well you can stagger the guest do like to do at the airport have them circle around outside tell you was ready for him to come in and make a landing at the punch bowl that's what yeah well all right tell me something what is this curtain here well if you're having a dinner party Andy you just pull this across like this you see and there's your dining room well I don't know about this place Kingfish with the curtains and everything now look and I admit the thing needs a little fixing up but you can have the play for the whole summer for just 200 bucks what you say boy well that ain't bad oh great bargain there okay it's a deal Kingfish I'll take it fine and now let's go back to the city and we'll sign the Ironbound contract there yeah you go ahead and and we'll follow you on the porch here right behind you yeah okay let's go than Kingfish I was going to tell uh uh I uh well that's funny I thought the kingfish was following me hey Kingfish Kingfish where is you down here Andy just drop down to inspect the breeze wave no me what a break I'm just glad I got that Cottage renter D let me get in Department here and tell sappire sappire home got some good news for you well I got wonderful news for you today George we got an answer to our ad and I rented the cottage today to a Mr Walter Jackson for $100 he's moving in there tonight oh honey wait a minute this other a mess I done run it to cotage to Andy and he moving in there late tonight oh you ain't George oh that's awful Mr Jackson is a very nervous man he said as soon as he got there he was going to go right to bed oh I wonder what'll happen well I don't know but I got an idea there's going to be more screaming and yelling up there than the time that Grandma was slapping the Hogs and fell into the pig Walla [Music] hello there this is Freeman gazden tonight's Amos Andy show is a little special because it marks the start of our second six months of sponsorship by CBS Columbia and this is a good time to tell you about something my partner Charles Carell and I have talked about a number of times and it is this it's really a pleasure to be selling a top-notch product like CBS television sets the CBS Columbia people build a truly fine television receiver and we just come right out and tell you so without any ifs ANS or butts it makes us feel good to know that when you go down to your dealers and see the fine picture on a CBS set when you hear the 360 full Fidelity sound and when you try CBS sweep tuning you'll discover what we have said about CBS television sets is not exaggerated at all these CBS sets are exceptional sets and each one represents solid value of course there's a mighty good reason for it CBS Columbia is the set manufacturing division of the Colombia broadcasting system the greatest name in Home [Music] Entertainment oh me it show is dark in this Cottage well I got my night shirt on here in the washing area too bad I fell down that Breezeway and busted my kerosene lamp and let me feel my way across the living room here H Kingfish must have pulled all the curtains ah here he is here he is here's the bed yeah let me sit down on the edge of it oh me is I tired yeah as really really exhausted how you like that I really must be tired I ain't asleep but I am snoring already yeah well let me lay down pull the covers up around me here uh-oh this is one of them short beds my feet is sticking out of the bottom yeah there they is there's my foot with the corn plaster on it there's my foot with the busted toe and there's my foot with the sock on it that holy smoke I must be tighter than I thought I would from here looks like I got three feet I wonder what done and I'm snoring again and I ain't asleep hey wait a minute there seems to be something here on the next pillar uhoh there's something wrong here cuz I know I ain't got two heads oh me I must be so tired of having hallucinations well I'm going to make the final test I'm going to reach down here and pinch my foot with a sock on it there ouch holy me I pinched my foot and the other head said out I'm getting out of here wait a minute who's here in this room ain't nobody here Mister you is all alone wait a minute stop stop out of my way help let me out of here help [Music] help yeah Amos and that's the whole story yeah that's a terrible thing ain't they finding another man in your bed oh yeah it was a mess Amos he run out the back way and I run out the front way yeah well uh how did you get that bump on your head and oh well that uh on the way out I slipped on a dead fish and landed in the Breezeway again uh you say that you ain't got no idea who this man was you found in bed no when the kingfish run to me the place he didn't say nothing about no other man so I'm beginning to see here you rented the place from the kingfish huh yeah did you ever stop to think that the kingfish might have rented this place to one other fell well now why would the kingfish want to do that after all in the past we has always been buddies I mean he never tried to jip me to uh I mean he ain't never tried to pull no uh I mean uh holy macus he's done it again you know if I was you I'd get hold of that Kingfish right away and straighten this nonsense out and yeah I'm going to call him up right away say by the way Amos could any of your kids use a turtle I found this in the pocket of my nighty when I got out of the breezeway [Music] now take it easy and ain't no s hollering me on the telephone yeah well the whole thing was a mistake nor you can't have your money back I work the thing out just give me time Ander while I know all right all right I'll call you back later goodbye oh me what a mess I rent the place to Andy and Sapphire rent it to Mr Jackson one of them has got to go I uh well if it ain't out dunin J Calhoun how you King Fish yeah come on in here uh what brings you over here Al gunin oh I was over making a political speech in the Park oh making a political speech oh making a speech huh I'll say I climbed up on my soap box and made the greatest speech of my career I stood on that soap box and I said ladies and gentlemen I is for clean government we must wash our hands of vice and Corruption the time has come to scrub away the stigma of bribery to bathe ourselves in democracy and freedom yeah well uh did you get many votes no but I sure sold a lot of soap well I got a different problem uh uh Gangi look here yeah I runed A A Vacation Cottage up in the Catskill Mountains to Andy and my wife done run it to a Mr Jackson and last night they both discovered each other up there in the place at the same time uhoh that's a nasty business King Fish a nasty business somebody got to go well now tell you what I want to do I want ke band up there cuz he paying me $200 he's a $200 man but I want to unrented from Jackson cuz he only paying me $100 you see the idea that he he he pay me half yeah yeah well the thing to do is is is is to scare this fell Jackson out of there scare him scare him yeah you know that's pretty wild country up there in the cat skills and you could make him think it's too dangerous to live up there tell him that there's some wild animals or something in the woods oh that is a great idea calhon yeah yeah tell them the animals yeah I'll tell Andy the truth about this and get him to go up there and help me scare this fell Jackson out yeah yeah well when it comes to your vacation I hope you don't have no trouble like this C oh I ain't going to have no trouble I does the same things every summer well every Sunday I goes out to Cony Island and rides the biggest roller coaster they got yeah well don't you get scared on that roller coaster C scared Kingfish when it goes down that first dip I screams out loud by the time it hits the bottom I blubbering like a baby when the ride is over it takes 2 minutes to get me out the car oh Kingfish I has a whimpering blubbering mess I had to spend 3 days in bed before it I was well enough to go back and and and ride that thing again on the next Sunday holy smok calhoon if the roller coaster make you that sick why do you keep going on it I got a free pass oh [Applause] the crowning Glory of any TV set is its sound system no matter how good a picture you get you can't enjoy a show thoroughly unless the sound is sparkling clear in the field of Television sound CBS sets stand alone with their famous 360 full Fidelity sound system the very same system that has receiv received worldwide Acclaim in Hi-Fi phonographs as you probably know 360 sound uses two speakers but let me point out that the number of speakers is by no means the whole story in the CBS 360 system these two speakers are specially matched and specially designed with deep cones and heavy voice coil magnets they are powered by a specially designed amplifier that handles a wide range of sound without Distortion the these speakers face in opposite directions so that Sound reaches you from all around the whole room plays and here's something else that's Mighty important not only does the 360 system sound better than anything else you've ever heard in television but you'll be conscious of an improvement in picture quality too and that's not just a claim it's a fact proved in a recent psychological test for a new experience in TV go on down to your dealers and see and hear a CBS Television s 21in models start at [Music] [Applause] $149.95 well Mr Jackson it was nice of you to phone me and I'm awfully sorry to hear you had all this trouble yes Mrs Stevens I'm phoning you from the hardware store in the Village near the cottage after what happened last night I came down here to the hardware store and bought myself a gun well I'm sure when my husband gets there tonight He he'll straighten the whole thing [Music] out show is dark up here at dismal Dell tonight ain't it kingrey well nowy uh here's the cottage now listen to this I go in and talk to Mrs Jackson like I told you was going to do mhm now you know what you going to do to help me scare him away yeah sure I'm going to hide in the bushes and pull this string with the rosin on it through this big tin can like this see yeah good Andy good now that really sound like a mountain lion already yeah oh that really ought a skin now get over in the bushes there and when I gets in the cottage and I was there for about 2 three minutes yeah you make a noise like a mountain lion yeah well uh say tell me something uh you sure we doing the right thing here Kingfish couldn't backfire nothing could it oh of course not and it yeah well I hope this string and can don't make no noise like a female mountain lion cuz if a male mountain lion heard the thing and come around I sure hate to see his expression when he found out it was just a tin can well never mind that and and I tell you what you get on over there in the woods and I going in talk to Mr Jackson yeah okay yeah I'll be going over there I'll see you I'll see M Jackson got his lights turned on he must be in all right I better knock on the bias here I don't want to go through that Breezeway again I shouldn't have too much trouble with this fell yes yes what is it uh don't be alone Mr Jackson uh I ain't no wild beast from out of the woods uh as only your landlord oh you must be Mr Stevens won't you come in uh just dropped in to see if you was comfortable up here in this lonely desolate spot well I was telling your wife I had quite an experience last night woke up in the middle of the night and there was this man in my bed you don't mean to tell me well uh you got a break anyway at least you wasn't sharing the covers with a coyote or something like that it was a frightening experience well just being such Wild part of the woods almost anything could happen you see yeah I tell you good Heavens what was that that that was just one of them man eating ferocious mountain lions that scar people sounds like he's pretty hungry tonight don't he you mean there Mountain lines up here oh yeah yeah the woods is full of them uh I run into the place last year to a man and woman with eight kids and he took my advice and he counted them every morning before breakfast the second week he started coming up Shy of course I reduced the rent as the season more on you see sound like you're ready for a blue plate dinner tonight doing it well I'm certainly glad I'm prepared for something like this uh prepared yes after that little episode with that Prowler last night I went into town and bought myself a gun yeah well I'm glad you you you said about a gun yes wington 30 caliber with a telescopic sight I'll go and get it I'll fix that mountain yeah well while you going I'll go out on the POR and see if I can scare the mountain lion away mountain lion mountain lion shut up you fool and listen not ly there's a man coming out here with a gun 30 caliber remon Beat It Mountain line Beat it he I got my gun well uh it's too late Mr Jackson he done going off in the woods wait a minute I see it between the trees maybe I can get a shot oh you missed him uh something wrong Mis well I know I'm nervous but I could have sworn that mountain line had on a d Stevens I don't know what's going on here but I'm moving out I want my money back yeah well I sorry M but you can move out if you want but I ain't giving you your money back look are you trying to jip me here no I can't help it if you scared move it out on your own violation you can't get no money back from me uh what was that I was just cocking the gun here that was a $100 even wasn't it m i got it [Music] George Stevens I ain't going to spend my vacation up there in dismal Dale and that's that yeah but we got her honey Mr Jackson done moved out and after the shooting and they won't have no part of the place he demanded his money back well I ain't going to no place that's liable to be flooded now look sire look here a couple of days of sunshine and the place will be as dry as to the rain this season's over I guarantee you that ain't going to rain no more well all right George good I guarantee you yeah I hope you're right cuz we ain't got no money to go no place else guess we'll just have to make the best of that Cottage but let me warn you George you know what dampness will do to Mama's lumbago and if anything happens to spoil this vacation I'll never forgive you the rest of my life [Music] well good morning sire daughter your mama still sleeping behind the other curtain there so I bring your breakfast into to you how'd you sleep your first night at good old dismal Dell George I was just looking out the window here it's raining oh no honey just a little slight spring drizzle we call it now look Joor Stevens you don't think there's going to be another flood do you no no honey uh you reading the newspaper the flood season is over oh we is a good mile from the lake and anyway the house is on 6 foot Pilon no water can come in here this time of year well all right George oh say you forgot the coffee yeah I was waiting for the milk I go on the POR and See's come in here oh yeah it's a holy maell sathire look what's floating in the front door [Applause] [Music] [Applause] hey Andy what is you doing to that poor old TV set trying to wreck it no sir I is unwrecked I is creating the greatest contribution ever made to the ancient art of tuning in a TV set yeah well that's nice Andy tell me about it well you know the nuisance way you always had a tune a TV set all them twiddly little dials with with the squinny little numbers all that bending down and reaching round oh yeah boy that's gone with my new system the channel numbers is big and easy reading and they are spread out clean across the front of the set and under the numbers there is just this one handy little knob then when you wants to switch from Channel 4 to channel two you just swish that knob across and there you is uh where is I you is locked in tune for good that's where you is is well Annie there's just one thing about this invention of yours it's already been invented by the CBS Columbia people they calls it sweep tuning you mean to say that CBS Columbia has done beat me to the draw they already got this quickest handiest station select have invented they sure has that's the sweep tuning everybody's been talking about what's more you can get sweep tuning in a 21in CBS TV set for only $149.95 H hey where you going Dan got to get to my dealer before you sold out of them CBS sweep tuning sets yeah wait a minute here uh take your old set along with you get yourself a real nice trade [Music] in well folks we'd like to say good night for our sponsors CBS Columbia manufacturers of America's most advanced radio and television receivers thank you and good night see you next Sunday [Applause] [Music] [Applause] be sure to be with us at this same time next Sunday for the Amos and Andy Show transcribed and directed by Cliff Howell tonight's program was brought to you by CBS Columbia manufacturers of full Fidelity television receivers and for a real treat in TV entertainment tune in life with Father presented every week by CBS Columbia over the CBS television netor work see your paper for time and station now stay tuned for our Miss Brooks which follows immediately over most of these same radio station [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]