Video summary
Mel Robbins shares her personal journey of discovering she had undiagnosed ADHD and dyslexia at age 47, a revelation that explains decades of anxiety and self-sabotaging behaviors. She describes how ignoring these instincts led to small decisions misaligned with her deeper vision for herself, such as drinking excessively or struggling in the workplace before being fired. This lack of understanding caused significant regret regarding her college years, where she would stay up all night studying only after an adrenaline rush forced her brain into focus, a common experience for those with attention deficits who require emergencies to organize their thoughts. A critical distinction made between genders is how ADHD and dyslexia manifest differently in boys versus girls, leading to vastly different societal labels. Boys often present as fidgety or interruptive behaviors that are easily identified by teachers but can also hyperfocus on enjoyable activities like video games because they require less mental fuel. In contrast, girls tend to become reflective, self-critical, and withdrawn when facing challenges, causing them to be overlooked for diagnosis until adulthood. Robbins notes that boys and girls experience these neurodevelopmental differences at the exact same rates, yet historical research in the 1970s focused almost exclusively on males, creating a "lost generation" of women who were incorrectly diagnosed with anxiety instead of receiving support for their actual learning style issues. The impact of this misdiagnosis is profound, as many adults spent years suffering from untreated conditions and even taking medications like Zoloft to manage symptoms that were actually rooted in ADHD or dyslexia. Robbins recounts her own severe postpartum experience after coming off medication she had taken for nearly eight years, highlighting the mental toll of living without proper support systems. She emphasizes a crucial statistic: women often discover they have these conditions only through their children who struggle in school and require advocacy from parents navigating neuropsychological evaluations to get flagged by schools and receive necessary accommodations. Robbins expresses deep empathy for those labeled as "problem" students or difficult employees, arguing that the hardest-working individuals are frequently those failing academically due to undiagnosed skills gaps rather than a lack of desire to succeed. She illustrates this with examples of people carrying extra weight or feeling winded on stairs not out of laziness but because their bodies and brains need specific support they haven't received. Her ultimate conclusion is that understanding the root cause of behavior—whether it be missing a skill, lacking knowledge about one's own brain operation, or needing developmental support—is essential for thriving rather than just surviving in a world where many feel less than others without realizing why.
Read the full video transcript
How did you learn to tap into your
instincts more?
>> Bying up my life like I like by by
ignoring them. Because you don't wake up
in the morning go, you know what I'm
going to do today? I'm going to just
screw up my life. I think I'm going to,
you know, cheat on somebody and drink
too much and be just a jerk to my kids.
I'm going to screw off at work so I get
fired. That's what I'm going to do. No,
what happens is you start to make small
decisions
that are not aligned with the deeper
type of vision that you have for the
kind of person you want to be. And you
know, you don't even have to write out
what kind of person you want to be. You
know when you are not doing something
that is aligned with your values because
it feels off.
And for me, I can see there were just so
many things about my life that were off.
And a lot of them were not my fault. You
know, I I had no idea that I had ADHD
until I was 47 years old. One of the
reasons why I struggled with anxiety for
almost my entire adult life is both
because I had a repressed traumatic
incident that I did not remember until
my late 20s that was stored trauma that
set me on edge.
>> Wow.
>> I didn't know about it. And then I'm in
a classroom and I'm dyslexic and I have
ADHD and I am part of what they call the
lost generation of women because they
only studied ADHD and ADD in boys in the
1970s.
And boys and girls experience ADHD and
ADD and dyslexia at the exact same
rates. And when little boys have these
neurode divergent or learning style
differences or you know all the various
things that can happen in the
development of a human brain they
present very differently than girls
fidgety like I know I have a son who's
this way interruptive. Yeah they call it
a behavior problem and then it's very
confusing because you can hyperfocus on
video games. Why? Because you enjoy it.
So it takes a lot less mental fuel for
you to do it. But when you have to
direct your attention and focus at
something you're not good at, it drains
the mental fuel. You get fidgety. You
can't. And so you get labeled a problem.
And girls are the opposite. We become
very reflective. We become
self-critical. We start to withdraw. And
do you know the number one symptom that
rises to the surface when you have
somebody that has a neurode divergent
brain or that has any kind of focus or
attention like style issues or you know
developmental issues anxiety because you
are having to walk into a situation
every single day where you are not
certain about what's going to happen but
you know you cannot do what all these
other kids can do.
And so there is an entire generation of
women that were diagnosed with anxiety
in their teenage years and their 20s
when the actual issue was ADHD or
dyslexia. I was on Zoloft for almost two
decades.
It helped me climb out of the hole and
stabilize. And when I came off it, I had
such when my I was pregnant with my
first daughter, I had such a traumatic
uh birth experience. Plus, I was now off
this medication that I had been on for
almost 8 years. I had the a severe case
of postpartum, the kind where they they
give you Adavan and turn you into a
zombie so that you don't like hurt
yourself or hurt the baby. I couldn't be
left alone. We had to have friends and
family sit with me so Chris could go off
to work. Like I have been to hell and
back mentally.
>> Wow.
>> And I am what? And I only discover Do
you know the number one way that women
discover that they have ADHD or a
learning style difference
>> through their kids? When the kids have
it?
>> Yes. So when you have a kid who
struggles, you then have to advocate for
them. You then go through all this like
neurosych valves and stuff. And when our
son Oakley, who we found out in fourth
grade, and thank God we had enough money
at that point to be able to hire a
doctor outside the school. I think of
all these kids that are getting passed
over, that are not getting flagged at
school, that are not getting the support
that they deserve, and they're being
labeled a problem. Like, I live my life
believing, Chris, that people want to do
well. We want to thrive. We want to do
well. And if somebody's not doing well,
they're not a challenging person.
They're missing a skill or they're
missing a layer of support or they're
missing the knowledge of what the actual
issue is that's causing the behavior
that we see.
And you know, I often think about the
fact, you know, who the hardest working
kid in a classroom is? It's not the kid
getting A's. It's the kid who's failing.
Do you know how hard it is to sit in a
classroom and know you're the worst
student?
Same thing with exercise. The the person
that's working the hardest at their
health is your friend that actually is
the most unhealthy.
It is so difficult to carry around a lot
of extra weight. It is so difficult to
be winded when you're going up a flight
of stairs. It is so difficult to live in
a world where you feel less than you.
That's all you think about. And so I,
you know, have, we had our son and he
was really struggling and anxiety was
through the roof and he was being
labeled a problem because he's
interrupting class. And we get him
evaluated. He's like, "Well, he's
dyslexic. He's disgraphic. He has ADHD."
I'm like, "Oh my god, thank God. Now we
know what we're dealing with so we can
support the way his brain works." And I
said to his pediatrician, "God, you
know, that sounds like me. Do you think
I might have?" And he looked at me, he's
like, "Mel, you are the most ADHD parent
I have in my practice. You are so
accomplished. You miss every wellness
appointment. You call in a panic at the
beginning of every school year because
you missed the appointments this year
cuz whatever. Your kids weren't sick and
now you need all the shots and you need
the the physical so that they can play
sports." We like, "No, it's coming. Oh,
school's starting. Mel's gonna call." Of
course you are. And I'm like, "Why
didn't you tell me?" He's like, "You're
not I'm not your doctor."
And so I went and got tested and I I
have to say I was
so relieved and I was also
I felt so bad for the teenage me and the
20some me. And I felt so bad for
like all the
people that I may have hurt or the
things that I did that I felt I had zero
control over because I just was not in
control of my own brain and my own
attention and the way that my body was
operating and I didn't understand it.
And I had so much regret, especially,
you know, I I um really feel like I just
blew the college years. Like I
squandered that experience because all I
did was drink and then I would go to the
stacks to try to study and the second I
would sit down, if you if you have an
any kind of focus issues, you'll
understand. All of a sudden, my
stomach's like,
and I can hear I have like eagle ears. I
can hear people on a different floor.
And now that's all I can hear. And the
clock
I can't for the life of me focus. And I
always wonder why am I the queen of all
nighters? Why am I the person that is
turning everything in at the last
minute? It's because my brain and body
need an emergency and a flood of
adrenaline in order to organize itself
to focus at something that I'm not
particularly interested in.
>> You've probably heard experts like Dr.
Ronda Patrick talk about the benefits of
omega-3s. They reduce Hello. Omega-3s.
There they are. They reduce brain
function. No, they don't. They support
brain function. Maybe I should take
more. They support brain function,
reduce inflammation, improve heart
health, and they're backed by hundreds
of studies. But here's the thing. All
Omega-3s are not made the same. Most
brands cut corners. They use cheap fish
oil, skip purity testing, throw in
fillers, and call it a day. But with
Momentous, you know you're getting the
highest quality omega-3s on the market.
They're NSF certified for sport and
they're tested for heavy metals and
purity, so you can rest easy knowing
anything that you take from Mantis is
unparalleled when it comes to rigorous
thirdparty testing. What you read on the
label is what's in the product and
absolutely nothing else. Best of all,
Momentous offers a 30-day money back
guarantee. So, you can buy it and try it
for 29 days. If you don't love it,
they'll just give you your money back.
Plus, they ship internationally. Right
now, you can get 35% off your first
subscription and that 30-day money back
guarantee by going to the link in the
description below or heading to
livemus.com/modernwisdism
and using the code modernwisdom a
checkout. That's l i v o m n
o.com/modernwisdom
and modernwisdom a checkout.
Thank you very much for tuning in. Oo, a
tasty [music] morsel of a clip there for
you. Well, the full episode is available
right here.
front and press it.