Accidentally Healing My Trauma Through Orgasm with Mama Gena

So this book, this is a very vulnerable personal exploration of your life. >> Don't you mind [laughter] me? >> It's intense, right? >> Can you hold me? [gasps] >> Yeah, absolutely. It's probably my most personal, vulnerable. >> What's the part that makes you clench up the most when you think about people reading it and hearing the story? I think let's say I I I came from a family with a lineage of abuse and so my way of making my way in the world was what could I do for other people and how could I be of service and that kind of marked the whole trail of my journey of creating the school of womanly arts and becoming a thought leader and impacting hundreds of thousands of men and women with my books and teachings. >> And you link that, you link that to the traumatic elements. You think that that helped create that? >> Totally. >> Tell us about the psychonamics. >> Okay. Because how that happened. >> I never felt worthy. I never felt whole. I never felt like of any value except in that I could be of service to people. And so that is how I lived my life is how could I serve and that's how I got my I don't know my ego got rewarded or I felt my that I was worth my place on earth and this book is about um me when I stopped doing that and then I had to turn in a different direction of going inward and faith facing all the things that quote unquote saving the world or transforming people or places or things no longer I I wasn't able to find my validity there. I had to go within and I had to start working on myself >> and all the broken that I had left behind being some kind of crazed heroine called Mama Gina. M you know the paradox of that is that in going in you're still actually doing the same thing. You're still impacting people with this book about going in. >> Yeah. >> But I'm imagining this is coming from a different motivational architecture then. >> Yeah. Yes. I would say so. >> I would say so. I think um I I I feel very resonant with how and when I look at the world right now, I see that so many of us are in brace mode or in traumatized really >> because of the climate uh financial uncertainty, the fear of AI, uh caretaking elderly parents, children, families, job insecurity. I'm not sure that I or anyone I know has really recovered from COVID and the impact and the way our culture got fractured. And there's such an epidemic of loneliness right now as never before. I think people don't know quite how to reach across their loneliness to connect. Mhm. >> And so when in regarding myself and regarding the circumstances and I thought okay I am not in a different place but I have tools that I used to deal with to kind of heal myself from the trauma in which I found myself uh in 2019 when I first began this part of my journey and I thought, okay, I'll share those uh it with the hope that it could perhaps be of some service to other people because it's so um uh human connection uh is so vital and so important and I see that there's an aspect of my own humanity that I was able to heal And I thought, well, at least I could open that door and see if it could provide some kind of [snorts] pathway for another person. >> And that pathway is uh, you know, I basically healed myself accidentally from trauma with orgasm. And that's one of the things I love about your work is, you know, so much of dealing with trauma is picking it to scab. Let's talk about it. Talk about it. Talk about it. Relive it. Relive it. >> You know, and regret is to regrieve. Let's regrieve this thing over and over. I mean, it's important to grieve it. Cry the tears. Feel the feelings. But >> to continue to pick at the scab and you're like, "No, instead of picking at the scab, make small circles around your clitoris." >> Exactly. [laughter] That might be a little better use of your your fingers. >> Exactly. Exactly. because you know and and it's it's so funny Aubrey because like there's a way in which my journey is kind of repeating itself from where it began because I started this journey probably I don't know I never asked you this like when did this spark of aliveness to be a leader arrive in your storyline because for me it arrived very early arrived when I was like 5 years old. >> Same. >> Can you share with me? >> Yeah. I mean, I would watch movies and hear stories and there was always some master that would find some child that had a gift that they could give to the world. And the child would always be like, "No, not me." And I was like, "Pick me. Pick me. I'm ready." You know, where's my training montage? Like, I will be Buffy the Vampire Slayer [laughter] now. you know, and and I was I always felt like I was just waiting for that and then I realized no master was coming. I had to go make my own way. >> But I've I've always felt that. And interestingly, you know, it's I'm in a also an interesting chapter now where the values, my value architecture, my field of values, peace is becoming like a a stronger value. And I'm trying to reconcile like how to be a peaceful warrior because it was really >> strong on the warrior side >> and obviously poetic, but poetic was like scars and passion and it was still very much in the fray. >> Yeah. Now I'm like, but what about peace maybe? >> And how do you be a peaceful warrior? Cuz I don't want to get rid of that part. >> No. >> But I want to like integrate a little bit more. >> Fascinating. >> Yeah. >> I love how we intersect, you know? We kind of intersect, we float apart, we come back together, you know? It just like beautiful and remarkable. And I cherish that warrior side of you. Like I I saw what you're making in the world. It's like [ __ ] building [ __ ] for people like >> so generously and so it will be really pleasurable to see where all this goes next. >> Totally. >> But my calling called I think probably because I I was so traumatized my you know I had abuse in my family uh violence from when I was a baby. And so when I was about five, I remember I looked out the window one day and I was like, "Wait a minute. I'm not looking forward to the day anymore. What is going on?" And I thought, "Oh, something must be wrong with the world. I better figure out what it is." And that's how it landed in me. And then around that time, I had this experience of the goddess coming and sitting on my bed. Now like if >> what do you mean by experience? Was it a vision? Was it an imagination? >> It's a key question, right? I am lying on my bed. I'm kind of scared because I can feel this presence and the way it feels in my body. It's like somebody is pouring warm butterscotch through my being. Like it's almost like it's a feeling of pleasurable radiance aliveness that I wasn't feeling remember in my real life cuz I was always embrace mode and scared. And so I can feel this feeling and I can see in my periphery there's like this beautiful feminine something. And so I turn to look and the thing vanishes. >> But she would come back uh every night or every so often and then I'd feel this feeling in my body. And what I my conclusion was oh there are goddesses and I'm Jewish so we had none. We just had gods and Moses and Abraham and all those dudes. that I mean there used to be some Asher was in some of the old you know old pottery shards and old scrolls was Yahweh's wife. >> Yeah. There. Yeah. >> And then she then it went like kind of underground and I I made a post about that whole thing. But it's very interesting how that that path kind of went because it used to be Yahweh and his asher. >> Yeah. Like and that the the feminine was vacuumed from those traditions. So, >> she had a statue in the temple of Solomon in the holy of holies and they and then uh I think King Josiah >> tore it down. >> Yeah, there you go. And it's wasn't just her. I mean, poor Mary Magdalene and so on and so forth. >> So, >> well, actually I mean, this is very interesting to me and I want to get back to your story. So, we're going to close this bracket after I say it. Okay. >> But I think actually we may have to go >> the veneration the veneration of Mary Magdalene arose because actually >> the Holy Spirit used to be feminine. It was father, mother and child, right? Like that was the trinity. And then eventually that became you know through actually translation of language. >> So it started off as like ruach which was like a feminine >> feminine spirit and then it then it became puma in Greek which was neutral and then it became spiritus in Latin which was masculine. And so she might have just gotten taken out of the story simply through translation from >> Oh, it was a little more vicious than that. >> Right. But fundamentally, like the the words themselves, I think, did a lot of work. >> They truly did. And did you ever read Leonard Leonard Schlain's book, The Goddess in the Alphabet? He talks about how language just like completely uh devalues the feminine and that it's actually a masculine construct and it's you would you would love that book. I'll send that thing to you. >> Um >> the part the goddess that I'm talking about is kind of predating any of the Abrahamic religions. It's like pre, you know, I'm talking 30,000, 50,000, 100,000 years ago where it's like the goddess that runs through the wind as it caresses the world. The goddess in the sunset that undresses the sky. >> We are the goddess. We're recycled wolf fur and shark teeth [laughter] and hummingbird feathers and dew drops and rose petals. That's what we're made of. >> What the [ __ ] are you guys talking about? Exactly. It's all of matter. matter mater and it is that erotic aliveness that pulses through everything through every part of our bodies that we and especially through the patriarchal culture that we currently live in and all suffer men and women suffer deeply from this culture disconnects us from these bodies >> that run this erotic aliveness. Yes, that is the same as the sun and the wind. >> First split from the mother is the cartisian dualism which says mind is separate from body. Like to be connected to your body is to be connected to the mother. >> The body is the mother. >> Like you can have a penis and still your body is the mother. Your penis is made of mother. >> That is right. >> You know what I mean? Like we got we got a lot of things confused. But if you split yourself from the body, split yourself from the earth, then you can reside in this false masculine bubble, >> right? Which is such a dangerous bubble to reside in, as you know, from that brief convo you and I had last night about where what you're pursuing now. But the um to go run back to my story, I [sighs] had I registered this feeling almost like an erotic feeling for a little girl that I related to the goddess. I knew somebody must worship her somewhere. So I went to all these synagogues and churches and had my friends take me to their places of worship. Never could find her. So, I hung up my little whatever Sherlock Holmes hat and stopped looking. But fast forward, I take this pile of broken that I didn't know was broken. I just thought I was whatever growing up in the suburbs. I move to New York City. I can't I don't even have the confidence to audition because I'm so shattered from my past. and I go to audition for a acting school and they tell me you have great actress but you have no sensuality in your body meaning I had no goddess in my body right I had no aliveness I was trauma and so they said if you want to be get cast in roles that are your age you better take some learn about sensuality or you never it's never going to work so I leave there and I sign up for a class called basic sensuality taught by Lafayette Mhouse. And while taking that class, uh, they ask you to create an experience of pleasure for yourself, which I'd never done before. I only knew how to take care of my family, take care of my parents, take care of my boss, do my schoolwork, whatever. And when I lit candles, had a beautiful pelgrino, created this beautiful experience, took a bath, and then the exercise was look at yourself in the mirror. And when I looked in the mirror, I saw the goddess. >> But it was only because I created a pleasurable experience for myself. And when I saw the goddess in the mirror, I was like, "Holy [ __ ] [ __ ] Women don't know they are divine. We've never been taught that the holy lives in us. I have to tell everyone this >> but I know nothing. So I instead I moved into that uh Lafayette Morehouse for 5 years which was a educative institute and also a sex commune and I learned that's where I learned the practice of the extended massive orgasm because that's all they teach is female orgasm there. And this was an accident. >> So, this is a little more than basic sensuality. They were uh they were downplaying what they were really offering. >> They It was their entrylevel course. [laughter] Little did I know it was going to save my life and change my life. Because here's the crazy thing, right? I went there because I wanted to be an actor and I wanted to learn about sensuality so I could be in a have a part on Broadway. But what happened was because of the practices and the classes I was taking that started to just take this shattered traumatized body and run orgasm through it regularly. But it wasn't sex. It was a practice. It was a hand genital practice. So I'm just getting free flowing orgasm. I don't have to have boyfriends or husbands or, you know, go out for a drink with somebody. I just can have practices. And so we don't recognize that this is like a medicine cabinet that the pharmaceutical industry has for decades been trying to replicate with SSRIs, anti-depressants, and all that stuff. And it's all in here. So by accident, I'm turning on oxytocin. Oxytocin is the hormone of bonding. So instead of being an isolated little hermit, I'm suddenly wanting to connect with people. It starts to like settle my amygdala, which is the fear center of my brain. And I'd been operating on fight or flight for my whole, you know, I was in my 20s at this time. My whole life I was fight. But the oxytocin pouring its chemistry through my whole body quiets that fear. So suddenly I'm ready to bond. I'm not scared of people. And then there's the endorphins which are natural pain relievers. They're like a morphine-like substance that we have within ourselves. And then there's the dopamine which is a natural anti-depressant. Now, when you're low dopamine, which a lot of people are, the symptoms are depression, no motivation, anxiety. But when you start getting this dopamine from this pleasurable experience, the depression lifts you. And it's also called the hope chemical. So suddenly you go from depressed to hopeful. And then there's prolactin. And prolactin helps calm it um helps you sleep. Now sleep is super important because it's sleep where trauma repair happens. And so accidentally I flooding myself with a chemistry that heals me. And so I go from the most shy, repressed creature that you could ever encounter, so invisible to being like mama Gina because after I left my school, the Morehouse, I ended up after Maggie was born um starting the school of womanly arts. So, it was the chemistry that healed me, which is what that book is about. Because when we can access that goddess chemistry or the pleasure medicine cabinet, the oxytocin, prolactin, endorphin, etc. What happens is even when a traumatic event is occurring, you can find your love of your life instead of hopelessness. And I think that's just so amazing that it turns that it's that we have the chemistry within to create that. It ain't easy in this patriarchal world culture, but it's possible. What do you when you say patriarchal world culture? Yeah. >> What exactly do you mean? >> I mean that masculine and feminine aren't valued in a similar way. You know um if you look at the leadership in our world most of the leadership roles are taken by men. I do you >> but I don't I don't I don't agree that men equals masculine and women equals feminine either. So I think like the gender like cuz I think the greatest king of England, the two greatest king of England, kings of England were Queen Elizabeth and Queen Elizabeth II. >> Yeah. >> They were kings. >> Yeah. >> They were in their masculine role. Sure. They had a [ __ ] >> Yeah. >> But that doesn't mean they weren't masculine. >> Yeah. >> So I think it's for me it's important to disambiguate >> women and men and masculine and feminine because some of the most masculine people I know are women. >> Yeah. And I I gotta tell you, I have one of the biggest [ __ ] I know. [laughter] You know, I it's like just as big as my [ __ ] if not bigger. And I think you have, you know, you have such a beautiful feminine side. >> Yeah. I'm glad you're like, you have a great [ __ ] already. [laughter] >> Sure. I mean, I I do. I can receive, you know, and I can step into that. Yeah. >> And even what what I was starting with this this desire for peace is is an aspect of the feminine coming on like the peaceful warrior is hyroscamos >> you know is finding that finding that balance >> within. I think do you Lynn Twist told a story that she says was a story that um she learned from Cherokee Nation but I've also heard the similar story in the Bahigh faith which is that the um the bird of paradise has two wings a masculine wing and a feminine wing but currently the feminine wing is very shriveled and the masculine wing is very developed. veled and that is a metaphor for how our culture is right now. And so the masculine wing is flapping but can only fly in circles because the feminine wing is so shrunken and not fully developed. So I would say that's what I mean that let's say um the values of the feminine are not even known or honored or celebrated inside of the culture currently. >> And I don't look at that as a problem uh you know something caused by men. I think it is a mutual condition that women can liberate themselves by falling in love with the nature woman instead of trying to man up let's say. >> Yeah. I think I mean I think one of the things that perpetuates this idea is I think we live in a instead of a when I look at it in the language I use instead of a patriarchal world I look at an armonic world. So Aramman is the Rosacrruian demon who's known as the reducer, right? Like he that's at least what I call him. >> You reduce everything to the measurable impact that it can create. So measurable worth. How many followers do you have? How much money's in your bank account? How much can you push? How much can you >> and you measure everything. And the feminine represents something that's ineffable, immeasurable. >> Yeah. and uniquely beautiful and powerful but not measurably powerful in in the ways that the harmonic world likes to categorize things. And so that is ultimately skewing things >> towards a masculine orientation because masculine is about the penetrative force. How much force >> can you actually apply to penetrate and measure that force? Mhm. >> And I think we really are in a world that's way overvaluing those masculine attributes which come from I think an earlier armonic reductionism of the ineffable beauty that is life, the aeros of existence itself. >> Yeah. And we even do it we're in in our language, right? We teach our kids uh each other to answer the question, how are you? And the word is okay, I'm fine. We don't actually say the truth or allow each other to feel the real currency of how we are. We don't want to, you know, it's almost like if a human being was 88 keys of emotion, which we are at the very least. We're only taught that it's okay to play middle C. Oh, I'm fine. I'm okay. And that kind of turns a human being kind of puts them in firmaldahhide instead of the full range of feeling connecting to their aliveness that every everyone is. And so we kind of reduce the landscape for being alive. And it doesn't allow it doesn't allow penetration for the erotic. >> And and when I say erotic, I'm not talking about sex except if we're talking about sex and then we'll talk about sex. But I'm talking about your native aliveness, >> right? And for me, I am like I'm on a crusade for people to connect to their exquisite holy aliveness, whether it's in, you know, the most heartbreaking darkness or the most radiant light, but you know, she is everywhere. >> Yeah. I feel would you say that this is true that if you shut off your ability to feel what feels kind of ugly then you shut off your ability to feel what is beautiful. >> Yeah. And the degree to which you can own your darkness is the degree to which you can own your light. Like if I can own like Yeah. I am like a massive brat [ __ ] [ __ ] sometimes. Then I can also own I am so exquisitly attuned, sensitive, generous, you know, it's like that full range of my feminine gets to exist and then I'm not victimized by any of it >> because and I kind of love all of it. And one of the things in that book that I talk about for the first time is all of these different goddesses because we have a lot of stories about gods but I don't think the stories of the goddesses are as well known and they are fascinating needed like sometimes it is time to evoke Kie who's she just burns it all down. She is the Hindu goddess of destruction. And sometimes it's just time to destroy something that should not continue. Whether it's a business or a place you're living or a relationship that is no longer serving, it's time to end. And Collie is an energy that will if you can hold that space within, you can draw something to an end. There's I talk about Freya. That was a goddess that I drew on after my divorce because I was literally [gasps] knew nothing about business. I was just a hippie chick with a dream of creating the school of whom the artists changing the world and turning on the world. But I had a seven-year-old that I had to support. So, you can't just like you have to like get your hands dirty and put your warrior gear on and learn about a spreadsheet and a P&L statement and what it's going to take to pay for private school and make it happen, you know, and that Freya energy pushed parts of me forward that I never would have experienced without her. >> Mhm. You tell the story of Aphrodite and Psyche. Oh, one of my favorite. >> So, let's let's go over that story because I've you know I've read a lot of the mythologies and actually that was >> I hadn't read that one >> and that was that was a cool story and I think let's so let's unpack that >> and it has to do with Cupid with Euros, right? >> See, here's the thing about goddesses. Sometimes they're just not very nice. [laughter] And so Aphrodite is the goddess of beauty and she just really doesn't like competition. I don't know if it's right or wrong. It just is. She just doesn't like it at all. And so Psyche is this human person that gets born and she's so devastatingly gorgeous that everyone is like Psyche is so beautiful. I think she's more beautiful than you, Aphrodite. And Aphrodite gets crazy enraged. So she gets her son and she gives him a he's Cupid and he's gorgeous also being Aphrodite son and he's God. And so she he she says, "Here, take this elixir and give it to Psyche when she's near a large pig or hog swine, a creature, a swine-like creature >> and give her a few drops of it and then she's going to fall in love with pig." And then I'm going to have so many laughs because that's going to happen. And so he's doing his thing. Euros is finding Psyche, but he accidentally pricks his own finger with the elixir. >> Oops. [gasps and sighs] >> And he sees Psyche and he falls desperately in love with her. Like desperately. And so he whisks her away to his mansion in the sky. And they and he explains to her that I will only come to you at night. You can't see me, but you're going to have this blissful life all by yourself. So there she is. She's uh living there and she's blissful, but she has two sisters and they say to her, "What if he's a monster? He could be a dreadful monster. You need to turn on a lamp at night and just find out cuz this is they're jealous that she's having all this fun >> and great sex with Eros. I mean, can you imagine sex with OS? That's got to be severe." >> Y >> that's >> Cupid had game. [laughter] So [snorts] anyway, she does light the lamp at night, which she's not supposed to do. She sees how gorgeous her husband is. A few drops of oil fall on him. He wakes up. He's heartbroken that she's betrayed him. And so he separates from her and he leaves her alone. by now. This is she needs to have she needs to get him back because she can't bear life without him because she's so in love and she's married to God and she's and so what what I love about this part of the story is that you know love is not easy, right? And do we have it within us to cross those very nearly impossible bridges or impossible task that love requires of us at various times? You know, will we, you know, the first task she's given by the the very infuriated Aphrodite. And by the way, I thought it was cool cuz Psyche went to Aphrodite and she says, "I'll do anything to get your son back." And so Aphrodite says, "I'm going to give you three tasks that you will never be able to do, but if you can do them, you can have my son back." The first one is sort this entire room filled with grain, two different grains that are, you know, you they're little millet grains and wheat and you can't separate them. And she says, "You need to do this by morning." And so Psyche's lost, but the birds come and they help her. Why I think this is cool is sometimes we get to places where there are tasks that we cannot do by ourselves and you almost have to call upon forces greater than you. Like it's your faith that is going to create an outcome that your mortal body could not find. And so Psyche's is cool cuz she prays the birds come and they do the whole thing for her. And then of course the next day she has to get the golden fleas from the killer ram and um she gets help with that task. And then the final task that she's given is she has to go get some beauty potion from Pphanie who lives in Hades. Now you're not supposed to go to Hades unless you're dead. It's very bad place for alive people. But she gets given advice about how to do it. And the only thing is she's not supposed to consume anything while she's there. Oh. Oh, no. She's not supposed to open once she gets the beauty potion from Pphanie. She's not supposed to open it until she gets at all. But she can't resist because she wants to be beautiful when she reunites with her husband. So, she opens a box and she falls into a dead faint and dies. But by now, OS has watched her show up for him with all her heart again and again and again and again, risking everything, risking her life for this love that she lives for. And so he takes her to the gods on Mount Olympus and they restore her and then make her a goddess. >> So it does have a happy ending. And then they end up having a baby named Volopua. And so they have a little girl. Uh so that is the story of Psyche and Iris. >> And I think that you know I think in you know in our world we're supposed to fall in love and it's supposed to be about chemistry or meeting the right person. But what I love about this story is it's what can I invest? How can I be of service to this love? How can I give my all and surrender to this love? And I think that's so beautiful and a needed needed storyline and metaphor because love costs and I think it is the most worthy and most exalted way to spend one's life in service of that love. And so I love any stories that will give me more inspiration. Yeah. I mean, it's also beautiful, too, that she failed in her last mission, but because of how how earnestly she devoted to this path that there's no judgment from Cupid. Oh, you failed. Sorry, you're not exactly perfect. >> Yeah. >> It was like embracing the flaw. >> Yeah. >> Cuz we're all going to eventually find flaws in our partners. >> So true. >> And we have to love them all the same and then restore them to their fullness, >> you know, regardless of if they fall. >> That's right. And that's that's important. I want to go back to the jealousy part because this is something that I think for masculine and feminine natures is really a very kind of difficult feeling that humans have. And then jealousy can kind of solidify into envy. And then envy then gets really dark when you're getting pleasure from somebody else's pain. It's like you want to see them fall. And it feels good to you. >> See them fall. And this is a big symptom of the disconnection that we feel where we actually are happy when something goes wrong for somebody else >> as if we're not all on team mother connected to the mother connected to the same life force and the father like it's it's very it's it's very >> toxic. I think >> I I agree with you and I think it comes from you know because uh of this thing that we're describing which is the almost that goddess chemistry which is I think the goddess chemistry is the same thing as orgasm chemistry. It's the oxytocin and the dopamine. Like when you are so deprived, right? You have none of this chemistry. You, you know, you're um depressed or uh on edge or in brace mode or you're in your uh sympathetic nervous system. You're you're fight. You're not in your parasympathetic because you don't know how to access this medicine cabinet. Right? Then when someone else has something you want, you're like, I will cut them down. >> They will see that my darkness doom will befall them. you know. >> Mhm. >> As opposed to let's say when you like >> what I've noticed in my students that have taken my work and they get kind of drenched and soaked in pleasure and you know uh stuffed with pleasurable experience uh because that's the architecture of my classes. Then when another woman has something that they want they know, oh [ __ ] that desire is coming to me soon. I can tell because I'm getting a little jealous that she's got it. So, I know that's next up on my desire list. She looks at it from a place of her own fullness like everything is accessible to her. But it's because she's connected to her pleasure or her goddess. So, it is a big differential even with all the emotions the way um I mean [laughter] like this morning I I I was having a a meeting with my team and I'm just launching my book and Aubrey, everything went wrong. Not just one thing, [laughter] everything. And I'm like, and so and then um I have a lover who uh teaches with me and so I called him and and I was like, "All of this is shaking down." and he's like, "Well, why don't you just grab some lube or just put your just put your hand over your [ __ ] right now?" And I'm like, "That's not the answer I want to hear. I want you to agree with me that my team is, you know, they're on the wrong." And he's like, "No, no, just stop and just put your hand over your [ __ ] right now. be here with me and just do that and what do you feel? And so suddenly instead of going crazy because of course when you when you launch a book and a brand new project lots of things are going to go wrong. It's part of life. But I can stay plugged into the crazy or I can plug into the fact that I am a living, breathing, alive, beautiful, turned on woman that has a body and that has somebody who cares enough about me to remind me that I am sensually alive even when I'm frustrated or losing my mind about something. how much, you know, how much unnecessary wasted grief would be saved if you're in conflict with your partner and eventually you're going to get to the sex. But you just spend 3 hours from a mindset of being frustrated and arguing and litigating over these minor points. >> Yeah. >> And then you have sex and you're like, "Wait, what what were we fighting about?" >> Yeah. >> Anyways, you know, and of course there's the shadow to that, right? like you you don't want to create the tension and then release it and create the tension, release it just as part of like a pattern to get you guys to have the passion, you know, to have that kind of sexual experience. But nonetheless, like the faster that you can get to that level of pleasure and connection, then look at the problems and see if they're still there. >> Exactly. Exactly. And it's such a mind [ __ ] for most because we we have like a a culture that loves problems. We love to have problems. We love to share our problems. We love to analyze our problems. We want to talk about our problems. It's just like we're so problementric instead of pleasure centric which would be a lot more efficient. >> Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think you know one of the probably the deepest cuts of if you want to call it patriarchal ideologies is the shame that's been placed around pleasure. And it's it's caused so much >> so crazy >> pain and trauma for the world that we've placed this in this naughty box. >> It's so true. Like, you know, even you're not going to be dealing with this for another year or two or three. But even how we teach our little girls about their body parts, like we're willing to say to our little boys, "This is your penis." But for our girls, I mean, what did your sister's parts get called when you were growing up? >> I don't think they got called anything. >> That's I think they just got ignored. >> That's the thing. Like literally, when I asked like a room full of a thousand women, what' your parts get called? Half of them say nothing. And then the other half it's like Coochie and Kitty and uh Kesh and Miss Kitty and Front Bottom and >> Front Bottom. [laughter] >> Some of them say um oh vagina. It's a vagina. And I'm like but it's not actually. That would be like teaching your little boy that he had a scrotum instead of a penis. >> Yeah. It's just not anatomic >> calling the mouth your esophagus. >> Exactly. >> Yeah. >> Exactly. And so, and it's little so little girls, they grow up with so much shame because they know that there's a part of their body that can't be named because it's everybody has a different name for it. And and it's easy. It's vulva. It's just a vulva. That's the That's what a vulva is. Is the outer lips, the inner lips, the clitoris. That's a vulva. But we nobody [laughter] uses that word. And so instead, shame creeps in to that body and she starts to doubt. Is she beautiful? Is she too fat? Is she too tall? Is she too too thin? Is something what's wrong? She feels deep shame about her body. And I think I know you know that about so many women. how much shame there is even um especially with social media and so much judgment and so much attention on youth and and so much fear of aging. It's it's a challenging time to be a human being. >> Indeed. Do you think that you know these problems because what you're talking about is a lot of comparison. >> Yeah. >> And comparison and jealousy are related, right? Because you're comparing somebody else's experience to you. you're comparing somebody else's armonic metrics, you know, like they have this, they look like this, and >> and then kind of competing like giving up your unique beauty, your >> your irreplaceable one of one. You're the only person to ever be you beauty and trying to chase somebody else's beauty or compare yourself to it. It sounds like what you're saying is that actually if you're connected to your pleasure centers and avoid the shame trap that actually that diminishes the comparative >> Yeah. >> expression. >> Okay. This exactly a thousand% true because you are recognizing your own magnificence always. You don't what I recently went back to Lafayette Morehouse to receive some more training for the first time in 30 years and my teachers a lot of them were the same. And so this meant that some of my teachers were in their 80s and they were not they were vital, alive, turned on, connected because their value was not uh the exterior, you know, their gray hair, aging skin, but it was how orgasmic they were, >> how much pleasure their body could hold, which is I I think it's also very I think it's a biohack cuz they all looking pretty damn good, you know. [laughter] I think there's something to running that erotic energy in the body. It makes you they were [clears throat] just exquisitely beautiful and I loved seeing that there was a different value system where it wasn't about getting a facelift. It was about run more orgasm through your body. so that you're generating more pleasure so that you can experience your aliveness in a state that's relaxed filled with gratitude uh in the present moment and it was it was very inspiring for me. M so you know I have a little baby girl and obviously Vana and and Alana are very tapped into their sensuality and so she's got some great aunties to >> to you know lead her through this path but if somebody's listening with kids like what do you recommend for kids you know when you're actually raising them to because it is it is awkward it's uncomfortable for parents to talk to their kids about this >> it's so awkward and so uncomfortable um I think it's important for when raising a little girl to let her know she has a vulva. It's not a It's not nothing. It's not a [ __ ] or a front bottom or a vagina. It's a vulva. And little boys have a penis. I I I I think that um I want to talk about little boys for a minute because I think in in some ways it's even more challenging. Um, when I was first starting my school, I had um I I appeared on Conan O'Brien show like six times. I just had a a really good thing with him and his show and his team. And one of his guys ended up coming to take my men's course. M >> and in the men's course I part of the content is demonstrating uh how to touch a woman in a way that she would be the most pleasured. And there's actually a part of her clitoris called the upper left quadrant that's the most sensitive on like 99% of women. So I was showing everyone this demonstration, showing them the part of clitoris that is most sensitive. And this guy went home and said to his mom, "Mom, why didn't you ever tell me about the clitoris when I was growing up?" And his mom said, "You never asked." And I thought that was I like wow was what I had to say about that. First of all, sometimes we can't wait until our kids ask. >> Sometimes we have to be willing to say, "Hey, there's certain things that are going to happen in your life. You're going to confront. You're going to socialize with you're going to have big feelings for the little girls in junior high or high school. And there will be experiences that you have with their bodies. When you do, I want to give you a little advice about what parts of her body are the most sensitive that you should always ask before you touch. You should treat her with great respect, but if the opportunity permits, here are some information that could be of service to you. Uh and and the in reverse with little girls like I taught my daughter that she has she holds the boundaries. When she wishes to be touched that's when it's acceptable. When somebody wishes to touch her and it is doesn't feel right to her she can put down the boundary. and uh and teaching her about her body and about her pleasure gave her good boundaries because she could sense like if a guy was grabbing her in a rough way, she was like, "That's not going to feel good. I'm not going to allow that person to be intimate with me." >> She learned because she began to regard herself with knowing the importance of her own pleasure. But I think you and Bana and Alana are going to do great with Huxley because this is an area that you've really found your way as a man and Vana has really found her way as a woman and Alana as well where you've had to do that work of your own self-love and your own erotic sovereignty and learning about your bodies and learning about respect for others. So, I think you're going to be great. >> Mhm. Yeah. I think it's And I think it's important. I think this next generation, like we got to learn the lessons of the past that all of this shaming and abstinence and sin, >> it has not produced a healthy culture. >> Yeah. >> I mean, the abuses of sexuality are >> just astounding what's going on right now. And and the more repression you see, the more you get aberration, >> you know, that's just the result. You try to stuff something inside in this in this little box and then it squirts out in some, you know, shadowy expression and but to live like freely through that and again with the with the right guard rails on the surface. These are the boundaries. This is this is what's right and wrong. This is the way that you can navigate it. I think it's really important. And I think if we can correct that, you know, universally, we'll see a massive shift in in culture. >> Yeah, I agree with you 1,000%. And I, you know, I want to ask your opinion about something like, you know, when I knew it was time to launch that book and I was kind of climbing out of my black hole of, I would call it my death portal of my big ass ego death after, you know, that I I was in for a few years. Well, six years. Okay. So, I realized like, oh my goodness, I'm I want to give this book its proper launch, and I'm not going to be able to do it unless I run a lot of orgasm through this body because if I just try to go from ego death to getting on a podcast, it's not going to work. I want to turn this body on by allowing this flow of this energy and I want to use that fuel as padding the way for this book into the world. So, I began a self-pleasure practice and it's a practice that I do every single day and it's um not it's not for the goal of climax. It's for the goal of cultivating pleasure between myself and myself. Almost like saying, "Goddess energy, I'm making space for you in this body right now." So, and I might start with just, you know, just even like this, just putting my hands together cuz you know how when you do that, you can feel that it's almost like the volume turns up on your molecules and you're like there's like a radiance happening. And then I'll take these radiantly alive, erotically charged hands and begin to caress myself, my shoulders, my body, stroke my [ __ ] >> I think for men it's it's different, you know, we have a different anatomy. We have a different, you know, and again this is in the aggregate. Again, men can be very feminine. Women can be very masculine. It can. So, I don't want to make generalities about the sexes when I'm talking about these energies. But in the in the masculine, being sensual with my body, it's it's a little different. It's like going into a hot sweat lodge in a cold in a cold plunge. It's actually it's not about necessarily the sensual thing. It's about doing something that is a deeper love like a like a deeper love for my body. And that could be a hard workout. That could be or it could be soft like getting sun or something like that. But >> the sensual the sensual touch method >> it doesn't actually it doesn't actually land. >> Oh that is fascinating. >> So for me like when I feel really good it's when I actually push this animal to work. >> Oh wow. >> And that to me is is my form of sensuality. Mhm. >> Like that's there's nothing for my body that's received as sensual like playing 2 hours of hard basketball in the sun, >> you know? Like my body is alive then and it's alive for the rest of the day. It's alive for even if it's tired, it's like I've really loved my body that day. And the same with the cold plunge. Yeah, it's uncomfortable at first, but as everything kind of turns on and wakes up, >> but the sensual touch method and Vana's tried it with me and a lot of people and I've I've gone and I've walked it enough to see like, all right, maybe I'm missing something here, >> but it it just doesn't land the same way. >> Wow, that's cool. It's really good to know your flavors. >> Mhm. >> I I'm I I love those things you say like the working out hard and the cold plunge. I cold plunge even in the dead of winter. >> It teaches you something about yourself. Yeah, >> for sure. But and I love that you've explored like that slow sensual. I But if you if you were, let's say your next kid is a son and you have a little boy, do you did you like did you have self-pleasure practices when you were growing up? So, no, I didn't. I mean, and uh it's just it's it's fundamentally different because I could touch my touch my penis all the time, but like it wasn't really pleasurable. It's not like really pleasurable to touch my penis. Like, I can go rub my penis. Feels like I'm just rubbing my elbow. Like, it's not pleasurable. But the right obviously the right stroke the arousing but there's such a it's so much more mental and then like physical and yes there is a there is a touch component but it's just a different anatomy. Do you think it does the same thing of opening up all that chemistry that I was talking about? Sure. It just it just like >> but it's more probably an intense opening of like oxytocin prolactence. >> I think and I think one of the challenges is because there's such a profound release when we ejaculate >> that you know we can be riding that that wave and then we get to the ejaculation and everything kind of falls out to the bottom. Now, >> not always, not completely, but it's it's not exactly the same. So, I think >> when I get myself into a really kind of a sensual state of mind, like not ejaculating. So, if I'm on a vacation, you know, we're on a beach somewhere and I'm with with my beloved and and we're on a beach, it's like >> if I can engage in aeros but not actually finish, then I'll stay in this kind of aliveness and this hunger cuz the hunger is actually the pleasure. >> It's so much fun, >> you know. And I think for I think for the masculine that maintaining that hunger without just satiating satiating satiating satiating especially with like pornographic pseudo aeros just satiating and blasting yourself and be like taking like the most superpowered vibrator and just you know it's like that's what porn is for men I think is just like blasting you with all of the fantasies that >> you should be imagining but now they're seen literally and done in this kind of controlled weird contrived way. >> Yeah. that is, you know, it's for the money and then it's just this weird situation. I think that you a better practice is to just, you know, make love, but try like if you want to extend that feeling. >> Yeah. >> Like just don't finish. >> And I'm not like a I'm not into the super esoteric semen retention, never never finish. Like it's a it's beautiful to have that release. >> However, like if you want to maintain, if you want to keep the volume up and keep everything charged, >> keep your hunger up. Mhm. >> You know, like stay hungry. >> Yeah. >> And that's when it feels the best. >> It does. >> And it's a little lazy and sloppy to when you finish. It's not It's not anything to be ashamed of, but it's like what do you want? Do you want that 10 seconds of pleasure or do you want to be in that state of hunger >> for days, >> you know? And I think we're not really assessing the riskreward, the cost benefit >> of ejaculation all the time, >> right? And I think that state of, [sighs] you know, hunger, it's interesting, right? Because it implies that you need to eat, but it's almost like a state of continual vibrating arousal, which is so so pleasurable to experience. >> Yeah. And the thing that I was uh kind that that content got poured in that book in this way. I would call that continual arous arousal state the goddess energy. >> Mhm. And we normally think of it relating with sexuality or nature. And we tend to think when something truly dark or um a death or losing a job or losing all your money or um you being your house burns down like a a huge rupture that those circumstances are devoid of that erotic aliveness. But we can actually have rupture that's erotically charged. And when you do, the what's next opens in a very magical way. Like if you are willing to just surrender fully to the loss while staying in the gratitude for life. >> Mhm. That's the in some ways the so deeply erotic to have um like goddess soaked grief because it's adds to your aliveness. >> Totally. That's the way I mean that's the way of the poet. I think for the poet the the enemy is not pain it's numbness >> right? You know, it's like, and there's that great Johnny Cash song, the needle tears a hole to see if I still feel, right? It's like the heroin is not even about the heroin. It's about actually the injection. >> Mhm. >> You know, it's about like seeing if you can still feel something. And I think numbness is is really the enemy. It's this cold, lifeless gray >> that we can abide in. And I think that can come too easily from satiation. you know, pseudo satiation, drugs, porn, the fast hit, the quick buck, the all of this pseudo satiation, and we're all of a sudden so satiated that our hedonic tolerance is just so high that nothing feels pleasurable and nothing feels painful, and we're in this kind of numbed out state. I think that's one of the deep challenges of some of the >> psychiatric medicine is it puts you in a perpetual state of increased numbness. And so all right, yeah, maybe you don't feel the lows, but you got to feel the lows to get through the lows. >> And then on the on the other side, you can feel the highs. Like everything has its correlary, like the principle of polarity. Like what you feel on the down, you can feel on the up. What you feel on the up, you can feel on the down. >> But I'd rather live in that broad spectrum than kind of narrow and constrict the band to where I'm never really laughing. I'm never really experiencing pleasure, but I'm also never really feeling pain and never feeling down. like much better to feel the full gamut of human experience. That's what we're here to do. >> Yeah. And that's >> that's our advantage over the robots, godamn it. [laughter] >> And that's why we can't give cell phones to our children [laughter] so they don't spend their childhood scrolling. >> Yeah. >> You know, I think that's >> looking at other people's voyuristically looking at other people's aliveness which is probably faked >> just so they >> probably faked aliveness. >> Yeah. >> Exactly. Yeah, it is such a privilege the like the full range. You know, some of like the things I look back on in my life that I cherish the most are like the intensity of loves that I've lost or opportunities or, you know, experiences that I'll never have again. Like there was something so charged about the fullness of all the facets of being human. I wouldn't have wanted to not have all that heartbreak. It's made me the woman I am. Yeah. >> Today. >> Totally. Talk to me about surrender. >> In what regard? I can go in on so many there's so many highways to surrender. I think that's a I mean [clears throat] again in the archetypal in landscape that is a deeply feminine trait. >> Yeah. You know, it's just like and I think for me the counterbalance to the masculine expressions that I've shared and I think for a lot of people in their masculine plant medicine like doing iawaska or a bogga or one of these challenging plant medicines, the magic of it is when you just let go. when you take breath after breath sinking you deeper into not resisting the overwhelming amount of light and energy that's entering your body but surrendering to it surrendering how much deeper can I surrender how much deeper can I surrender how much deeper can I surrender >> and it's a whole different skill set than how much can I brace how much can I persevere how much can I be resilient how much can I fight and push through how much can I not feel and and both I think are important you know if you're in a war situation, you know, like you need to actually be able to handle take the next best step, find the next place to cover regardless of how uncomfortable you are. Like that's important. I think we need that in these in most of us fortunately aren't in actual war, but we're going to need these skill sets sometimes. Just like bracket that, let's go. We got a mission. And you also have to have the complimentary skill set of how much can I just feel what the [ __ ] I'm feeling? >> Yeah. I think that is the art of being a human being is this book originally was called surrender. And uh my first version of it I wrote when I felt like I had finally learned how to drop my armor and surrender to the masculine. And I learned that in my relationship with my partner, my former partner Peter. And I thought, oh my god, like women just don't know how to surrender right now. There so many of us are so armored and in our masculine and making our powerful way in this world and valuing ourselves on the currency of what we can accomplish and la. But how do we drop all of that armor and just surrender deeply in love with um our partners? And so I Peter and I got back together after being broken up and I thought, "Oh, I finally I finally have a hand I've got a handle on this. I'm gonna write a book called Surrender about how warrior women can do this thing because I saw a lot of my warrior women girlfriends that had no idea how to surrender and were finding men wrong. They're saying, "Oh, he's not this enough or not that enough." And I was like, "Well, what about the practice of surrendering to his magnificence wherever his magnificence meets you?" And so I wrote the proposal. I handed it into my editor and she read it and she was like, "Couldn't it be just surrendering to girlfriends and to families?" >> Oh, interesting. >> It was so interesting. And uh and I said, "No, no, no. This is about truly and uniquely feminine surrender to the masculine." And it's something I've been longing to do my whole life. I feel so grateful that I've tasted it. night and she's like, "No, I'm I'm not interested." So, I and I I know enough about surrender to know that when the great [ __ ] doesn't want me to go ahead with something, she'll have an editor say no. So, I took that thing and I threw it in a drawer and I just lived my life. And I figured if it was meant to come back, it would. About a year later, I am moving out of Brooklyn. I walk into Whole Foods on my last day and I've run into this editor. We say hi. Nice to see her. And about a week later, she calls me and she said, "I met someone. I need help." I said, "Oh, I see. The story line is coming back around again." >> Okay. Fascinating. And so I coached her and it turned out she had the most after a decade of not dating, she surrendered to the most magnificent, wild, delightful love affair. And then she went right from that love affair to still yet another love affair. And I was like boom, the surrender practice is happening for her. And then in the end of one conversation, she said, "Oh, can you send me that proposal again? But by now I surrendered even more deeply and I realized it's about more than erotic surrender to the masculine. It's about the erotic surrender to life itself. Whatever life hands us, when she hands us a child with a challenge that you couldn't have expected, that you can't summon the courage to surmount on your own. Or when you lose your job, the thing that you identified with or the way of working that made you feel whole, which is what happened for me. I I I stopped working on stages of thousands of people and and I thought I was gonna die and I had to surrender to that. And it's about surrendering to the exquisite when you when you lose someone that you love or in awe at mother nature with a sunset that undresses the sky and you surrender to that magnificence. It was about surrendering and surrendering and surrendering to life to the divine feminine to all the privileges of being alive that don't always line up with our egos and how our egos think life should be or life should go. So it was a beautiful kind of dance between me and that editor because she knew there was some expansion needed in that that became on our knees. >> And I surrendered to her vision and then I surrendered to oh it's bigger. Yes, it does include devotional surrender to my lover where there are times all I want to do is to be of service to him with my full erotic and that's all I want. But there's also times when I want to be in full service of my erotic to the breakdown that's happening or the loss of a parent or the awe of life itself. So I think surrendering oh I think it's always our ego that gets surrendered right >> it's that we thought it should be one way it's another can we still be in love with our life can we still feel that ravishing gratitude for being human and the privilege of it all even when it looks nothing like we thought it was supposed to look. >> Mhm. Yeah. I think there's there's something for the masculine that's very powerful that happens when you have a lover who fully surrenders to you. >> Oh my god. and and allows you to express the fullness of who you are like all your dark aeros all your light aeros all of that and doesn't flinch and just says like >> I love all of it >> and can find find their own aeros in your aeros in that and when that happens then I think the masculine when they receive that if they're able to fully receive that gift then what happens is they say ah the goddess just loves me. >> Yes. >> Like now I can put on my armor. >> Yes. >> And like sharpen my sword and like I will go protect her. >> Yeah. >> Like I will I will be willing to give my life for her. >> Yeah. >> And I think that's a it's a key component. Both work together. You know, I think obviously if more men were >> in that deep devotion to the goddess and willing to fight and die and and live to protect her, more women would surrender. But if more women surrendered, more men would do that. It's a it's a kind of a chicken and the egg scenario where but both have to happen at the same time because if when when we feel that then that's the most inspiring thing >> the most >> that we can that we can feel >> and here's the let's say from the feminine side of it like I have a need to give that like it's a deep need like I cannot be the fullness of the woman that I am without giving that to the masculine like it lives as an ache like a need and it's and it's almost like you know I I think a lot about um ancient days right women were at one time the initiators of men >> sexually women now think that men are supposed to initiate us it's like this cue is backwards. >> And what I was realizing is that the initiation comes from the depth of the surrender. It is from that deep service that like my high priestess comes online and she's not present unless I am in that deep level of service and surrender. And it's nothing more pleasurable than that. >> Mhm. >> It and it goes back and forth, right? because it's I want to be that devotional cuz he's filled me up that much that the only thing I can do is give to him. >> Yeah. And it's it has an unbelievable transformational potential. >> So I'm going to tell two stories here. One >> the first story is my acting coach in college and she tells a story. She's from New York and she tells a story. She's walking down that that proverbial back alley late at night. you know that scenario and she gets approached by a guy and the guy has a knife and is intending to rape her >> and she's a trained actress and so her choice in that scenario was she just said she got her deepest lowest baritone voice and just said no >> no and it was just echoing off the buildings and the walls and the guy was like wow this is way more than I [laughter] I bargained for it and he booked it. Right. So great choice. Yeah. >> You know, great choice how she handled that. There's another story though which is a legendary story from Tibetan Buddhism of Yeshit Soil. Do you know the story of Yeshit Soil? >> Oh, tell me. I can't wait to hear it. My god. >> Yes. >> Soil is a story that everybody should know. I mean, I think she's an ascended master up there with the great in some tradition. She's actually known as a second Buddha. >> So, she's walking. She's she was uh one of the she's the head dini from Padma Sambava in this like deep lineage of awakening her feminine aeros to the full maximum power that was that was able and story goes she's on a on a journey by herself and on one of the deserted roads that is leading from one temple to another temple and she's surrounded by a group of five like ruffians briggins and they have blades and they first going to rob her of her possessions, but she doesn't have any possessions. All she has is her beauty. So, they go to rob her beauty. And she makes the choice in that time. Now, she has five men. They have swords. There's no one around. There's no walls to echo off of. And she makes the choice. And this is, you know, accounted in in deep literature and held up as a teaching for, [sighs] I don't know, you know, over,200 years. And she stays so present during the rape, during the during the experience, just full presence, full surrender, that the men in there in that kind of animality, in that kind of blood lust that they were experiencing, they actually carry out their act, but she maintains that that pristine presence throughout it. And at the end, they're finished. And they look at her and she's still not with judgment, not with she's just looking at them and seeing them. And then offering that offering that surrender. At that point they all drop to their knees and start weeping and weeping weeping just water flowing like rivers from them and convulsing and weeping. And then they stand up and they kneel and they say we will protect you for the rest of our life. Like you've changed us >> and they become her bodyguards. >> Wow. >> From that point. And it's a it's an a wild story that she was able I mean it is it is Yeshua on the cross. It's like forgive them for they know not what they do. But by maintaining that presence by not going into judgment by not going into resistance she didn't give them what they actually wanted. Even though they thought they were getting what they wanted. What they really got was a radical transformation. >> They like were in the presence of the goddess >> at that point and it instantly transformed them. And that's the story. Now, this isn't a this isn't a, you know, story about how to do it if you're getting attacked. Again, that's why I told the story of my acting coach. Like, there's a variety of different scenarios and you have to have a quiver equipped with with a variety of things. But it's a it's a I think an important story of like how transformational it can be even in the most brutal outofbound scenario like that you know that Buddha >> that level of surrender >> that level of surrender changed you know changed the course of history and changed you know changed these men's trajectory. >> Wow. >> And got them in devotion to God and the goddess. >> Wow. I I have a quick one for you that would I I learned from my school at Lafayette Morehouse, which was a woman who lived there was out somewhere and a guy wanted to rape her and she was like, "Right, listen, I want you." This is another story of surrender. She's like, "This is great. I get this. I get that urge. Why don't you come back to my house? and you can rape me at my house where we could be comfortable. And so and she lived communally. And so she brought him back to her commune and she said, "This is my rapist." And so everybody in the house was like, "Come in." And they, you know, they were they all were surrendered. And of course, the rape didn't happen because what happened was she was in such deep agreement that he should have this experience that she brought him into her home with her housemates and everybody met him there. So the rape transformed into connection. Another form of surrender. There's so many. >> Mhm. And like again, we're using extreme examples and and I think but there's a lesson there's a teaching lesson in that in in when somebody's expressing a desire like what happens if you resist that desire >> you're going to get one result >> you know and if you surrender to that desire you may get a different result now only you know what the right >> what the right what that pathway is and whether you're actually >> desiring willing and you see the path and I think that's from a deeper listening to, >> you know, to the mystery herself, >> right? I think it's like a trusting your [ __ ] or trusting your intuition or trusting that deep inner knowing that uh you know, when you're tapped into your pleasure, that intuition is very alive. And when you're not, you're kind of lost. Mhm. >> I I I I think that when you know when a woman owns her [ __ ] or owns her pleasure, she owns her life. She takes ownership of her decisions, of her intuitions in a way that she can't access otherwise. I don't know what the parallel is for a man. Like, is it the same? Is it like just deeply trusting your [ __ ] power on this? I think it's that the I mean the [ __ ] is a penetrative force, >> right? >> But it's also the most sensitive of the skin that we have on our body. And what does sensitive means? It means it's listening. >> And I think the if you're into this, if you're in the sacred masculine, you're penetrating and listening. So if you're leading, you're leading the company, but listening to all your employees so well. If you're leading, if you're a king in leading an actual country or a president, you know, you're leading but listening. Listening deeply listening. >> And I think in in making love, you're you're penetrating but listening, you know, you're using that tool. It's like a it's like a sword full of ears. >> Yeah. >> You know, it's like it's just you're always paying attention. >> Yeah. And I think that's the that's the key thing because if you block off the listening part, then you're just going to be a bull in a china shop. >> I love that, Aubrey. I love that because like as a woman, you want that penetration that's attuned and it's it's like just a beautiful way to describe that. Um, you know, how to meet a woman in her fullness with your fullness. >> Mhm. Yeah, >> that's really cool. >> That's the key. And you know what can block it is >> if you're if you're in pain, you know, sometimes you can not hear anything and block it off. It can be there can be some other thing that's so loud that it's drowning out the listening, >> you know, like you need this to make yourself feel good about yourself. And I've fallen into these traps, you know, like where it's like, >> whoa, I wasn't listening at all. I was just charging forward, you know, because I had something that was so strong in me that I couldn't actually listen. >> So, >> it's about like also recognizing when the noise is so loud that you can't hear anything else. >> Mhm. >> And that can come from a variety of places. But I think that's the the key to masculine expression is leading but listening. >> I can feel this in you so profoundly. like there's something new in your energy right now that I am loving so much. There's like a way it's it's different than when I met you a few years ago. I I can feel the work that you've been doing or how you've >> worked on yourself or been worked by that which is greater and surrendered to it and you know kind of forged a new aspect of your king is what it feels like. >> Yeah. It's it's in process you know and I think >> always >> I think there's there's great virtue in in the humbling experiences of life. Yes, for sure. >> You know, when you've experienced something and been humbled, >> oh my goodness, >> then you can actually look and say that's why, you know, all athletes will say they learn more from their losses than they do their victories. >> Mhm. >> So, you know, I've had some losses. You know, I've had some real losses. And so this kind of invincible aura like I do want to regain that in this kind of post-tragic version of Aubrey, >> but now I'm in in the start of it like the the foundation of it is just to be like all right, humbled, >> you know, humbled by what's what's happened. >> And I'm I think there's I I'm not intending to stay permanently here. I'm tending to bring this with me to the next stage which is now humbled and audacious. >> Yeah. >> You know, like humbled and still with that kind of swagger cuz there's a beauty to the older Aubrey which was a little less humbled, a little more cocky, a little more swagger. >> Mhm. >> And but low low indexing indexing too low on humility. And then like humility is indexed super high now which is great. I'm going to keep that, but I'm going to get back to that kind of that swagger. And that's I I see that kind of path, but this is it's a beautiful place to be in, and there's not a need to evolve beyond that. But, you know, I do miss some of those old elements, and I think I can get them back and keep this with me to be an even better version of myself. >> I still see your swagger, love. >> Thank you. >> I see. I appreciate that. >> I feel it. >> I appreciate that. >> Just is I don't think you can shed your swaggers. I appreciate that. >> Swagger is true. It's, you know, it's a it's a product of your the depth and breadth of your accomplishments. You can't shed that. >> Mhm. >> That will always be you. So, I see it all. I don't think you have to get back anywhere. I I'm loving that. >> I appreciate that. I appreciate that. You know, I think one of the things that I've realized is just we can be so fragile, >> you know, and not really realize how fragile we are. Like things that >> yesterday was a great example of and I actually, you know, gave myself as I was going to sleep last night, I was like, you did good today, buddy. Like, good job, Bob. >> Cuz there's three scenarios where the, you know, three most important women in my life, they all got super fussy and frustrated yesterday. Even Hxley. >> Even Huxley. Even Hxley. So, you know, Alana had her moment, you know, based on a variety of external circumstances. And I just listened >> and then she projected a little bit of that anger onto me and I knew it wasn't aimed at me. >> Yeah. >> I said, "Hey, is that really about me or is it about?" And she at that point she wasn't ready to receive it. And so, okay. >> And then an hour later, she's like, "Hey, yeah, it was totally not about you at all. It was about this other thing." I was like, "I know." >> But I didn't press it. And and old Aubrey would have just pressed it like, >> "Yeah, >> I have nothing to do with this. What do you mean this is this isn't right?" I would have tried to clear up that thought pattern like immediately like this is wrong. Let me show you why. And like forcefully like >> get her to see that actually she wasn't actually mad at me and then probably would have got mad at me by how I forcefully tried to make her like rip the blindfold off of her. >> Yeah. >> I was like, "No." And then it just naturally worked out. And then Vi, you know, was Huxley was having a hard moment and and Vi was having a hard moment and, you know, she was expressing that and I knew she didn't actually >> what she was saying wasn't actually what she feels. >> Yeah. >> You know, but I just grabbed Huxley who was being super fussy and Vi was fussy and Huxley was fussy and they were amplifying each [laughter] other. I just grab Huxley and put her on my chest and kind of carried around and a little bit and then she's [snorts] >> passes out. >> So good. >> And then Vi gets to get body work and then she comes out of that and Vi is feeling good. >> Oh, good. And then Vi comes and like hey you know like oh man I was fussy and you know like I didn't I was like that's beautiful babe like what great awareness that you [clears throat] can see all of this >> but instead of trying to fix anything in the moment I just all right like I can just receive this and not be unmoved be unmoved by the by the tempest and and really anchor that mountain energy. Mhm. >> And so, you know, that's evolution. That's like that's growth for me, which is not like I see something that's not right, I'm going to fix it immediately. It's like, no, it'll fix itself. All I have to do is stay steady. >> Yeah. And that what what you're also providing for those women. It's like you're being the rock. They're being the wave that crashes against the rock. And do you know how we cherish that as women to have that experience of a man being willing to hold his ground while we storm >> because storming is of the nature of the feminine. She who bleeds but does not die and gives life. That's us always. So to have that uh strength is so it's like expediential love. It's so magnificent. >> Yeah. >> I hope you can feel it. I hope you can feel it like when you ground yourself and and the waves are coming and you're like this is me just loving you, baby. Yeah. This is what it is. >> Yeah. And it's it's not always easy. Yeah, I remember there was one time where I could feel a storm coming. You know, it's like >> like I was like one of those farmers where my knee was aching and I [laughter] could like feel the change in in pressure and I was like, "Oh, it's coming. It's [ __ ] coming." And I was like and I made a prayer. I made a solemn prayer. I was like, "When it comes, [laughter] you are going to stay steady. Steady. Do not get swept up in the current." And it came. >> Yay. And I got all thrown [laughter] off, you know, mask of my ship crashing against the rocks and I'm like, damn it, man. Like you prayed like you you knew this was happening and then here you are in it. And sometimes, you know, so sometimes it's not easy. It's not easy to to be able to hold it. And and I think but it's practice. It's like how much can you >> how much can you actually >> hold? And and that can also one of the challenging other elements is sometimes that can be even more maddening, you know, when the storm is coming. If like the storm's coming and you're just a rock and you're not moving, they're like, you don't even [laughter] care. And that's another that's another trick, right? Cuz it's like, you want me to care? I'll [ __ ] care. [laughter] Is this caring enough for you? Like I could do this. It's not helpful. You know, they're like, no, I don't want. I was like, [laughter] that's what I mean. I do care, but I'm just hang calm. That's great. >> Yeah, >> that's great. You're kind of writing the architecture for the masculine version of psyche and euros, you know, >> of all the passages that the masculine goes through to hold steady in his love for the feminine. >> Yeah. Yeah. and and steer clear of steering clear of judgment and righteousness. >> Mhm. >> You know, just just loving them as they are >> and trusting that there's a way that you can actually gently gently offer revelation and insight, but wait for the opening. >> Yeah. >> You know, don't be like throwing up these paper airplanes into the storm and hoping [laughter] they're going to grab it like a letter and sit down and calmly read it. It's just going to get drowned in a whirlpool, you know? like wait, you know, and hand the letter >> and then like at that point then you know there's an opening. >> Yeah, that's great. >> Yeah. Well, this has been such a pleasure, Regina. >> Uh Aubrey, it's been so fantastic. >> Yeah. >> Thank you so much for >> inviting me and for sitting with me and for >> talking about such matters with me. It means the world to me. >> Yeah. And good luck on the launch of this book. When is it on sale? August 24th. >> All right. >> That's when it's coming. And I'm going to do my first live event in many years in New York City. >> You excited? >> So excited. I cannot wait to set foot on that stage. Cannot wait. I feel like, >> you know, like a bull stomping the ground before you get like >> Yeah. >> Pawing. [laughter] Ready to go. >> I love that. And I love you. You're the best. >> I love you, too. Thank you. >> And we love you guys. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for tuning into this video. Make sure you hit subscribe, follow me at Aubrey Marcus, check out the Aubrey Marcus podcast available everywhere, and leave a comment. Let me know if this video resonated or what else you would like to hear from me in the future. Thank you so much.