Video summary
The video centers on a profound exploration of love within marriage, using the metaphor that while others might see love as pink and white, the narrator perceives her husband Jared's love for her as deep blue—the color of the sky. She explains that just as one does not constantly question whether the sky will remain blue or worry if it turns gray at night, she feels secure in their enduring bond despite moments of uncertainty. This sense of security is rooted in seven and a half years of marriage, during which they have learned to navigate each other's needs; specifically, Jared requires significant alone time to recharge, a trait his friends also confirm. The couple has established gentle rituals, such as him fetching coffee while she enjoys quiet solitude with folk music, allowing them space without it feeling like an emotional withdrawal or a sign of disinterest.
However, the narrative takes a turn when minor friction arises during their vacation in Puerto Rico after her forty-first birthday. A simple disagreement about going to bed early versus staying up late escalates into a spiral of insecurity for the narrator. She begins to interpret his silence and lack of conversation not as exhaustion or neutrality, but as evidence that he no longer loves her or wants to be around her. Her mind races with catastrophic thoughts: does she have nothing left to say? Does he feel trapped by their relationship? This internal turmoil highlights a common human tendency described in the video—rushing to form conclusions based on limited data rather than waiting for clarity, effectively building an archetype of fear over reality before facts can correct it.
The climax occurs when Jared runs a bath and leaves her alone with these swirling doubts, leading her to feel heartbroken until he finally addresses the situation calmly later that night. He points out logically that she stopped answering his questions because they were repetitive, not because she was upset about him leaving; in fact, he had run the bath for her despite never taking one himself. This moment of clarity dissolves her panic and reveals how easily a lack of communication can be misinterpreted as rejection when viewed through a lens of insecurity rather than context. The resolution comes from recognizing that their connection is not defined by constant chatter but by an underlying trust, much like the sky remaining blue regardless of temporary clouds or rain.
Ultimately, the video concludes with a powerful message about worthiness and letting go of existential dread in relationships. Jared advises anyone feeling doubt to simply ask directly if they are loved rather than assuming the worst based on fleeting moments; he asserts that his love is as constant and obvious as asking "is it raining?" The narrator realizes how ridiculous her fears were given all the overwhelming evidence of their deep bond, from surviving past traumas like his abandonment issues to finding peace in stillness together. She reaffirms that they are lucky enough to be close people who can navigate life's chaos while maintaining a foundation of safety and affection, urging viewers not to let temporary uncertainty overshadow the reality of their love.
Read the full video transcript
And so I was thinking Jared I don't feel
like when I think about Jared's love is
I don't think of it as pink and white. I
feel like his love to me is blue.
Like what color is the sky? Blue.
Isn't it like dark blue black at night?
Yeah, it's dark blue black at night but
it's actually a blue sky. It's just
reflecting that in that moment.
I don't spend my life questioning
whether the sky will continue to be
blue. Will the sky be blue tomorrow?
And if it's not, I'm like, damn, the
blue sky is covered by gray. Oh well,
sky is still blue.
That's what my love for Jared feels
like. This video and heck, this whole
channel is powered by Squarespace, the
all-in-one website platform that makes
it easy for entrepreneurs to stand out
and succeed online. Whether you are just
starting out or managing a growing
brand, Squarespace makes it easy for you
to build a stunning website, engage with
your audience, and sell anything from
products to content to time, all in one
place, all on your terms. Check out
squarespace.com for a free trial. Play
around, see if you like it. And if you
love what you built, go to
squarespace.com/shambbouty
because that's how you're going to get
10% off the purchase of a website or a
domain. That's squarespace.com/shambooty
for 10% off. Are you capable of loving
me forever?
Like that's the answer that we want
somebody else to say to us, right?
That's the question we ask and we want
to hear that answer back. And the other
one is the question we ask oursel. And
maybe you've already figured it out, but
maybe like me, you need a bit of help.
And if so, this is video for. So
anyways, we're in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
And that's answer to question number
one. Question number two is, I'm here
because I turned 41 and I'm here to
celebrate that. Question number three
is, what's this video going to be about?
We're going to talk about worth. And
then question four, I'm going to make
this one up. How do you feel that you
are married to somebody who one of the
best things that you can do for them is
offer them time alone? I've learned this
sometimes the harder way of being like
damn like this guy will look for any
opportunity to buzz off and sometimes
specifically on vacations that would
feel like very hurtful cuz in everyday
life there's like tons of natural
reasons to buzz off but when you're on
vacation it's like where are you going
what do you have to do what's like you
do you have a plan a schedule or you
have a you have a zoom you don't I know
we cleared our calendars so when you're
on vacation that person's like need to
have that can sometimes feel like
personal and I think for me which we'll
talk about this during this video in
particular based on the questions that I
grew up with it has felt personal so the
advantage of being with somebody for a
long period of time and Jared and I have
now been married for seven and a half
years something like that uh it's lucky
year I've been able to just sort of see
trends over time and one of those trends
is just Yeah, Jared has a desire for
alone time and he gets a lot from it.
And not just alone time, like completely
solo, him alone in the world. Like him
being a solo dude. And I say this
because I've talked to his friends
before and they'll all contest with the
same thing. Like if you go out with
Jared, he's going to go missing at some
point in the night. He's just going to
wander off. One morning I was like, "Oh,
I'd love some tea." And he's like, "Oh,
like I can go out and get some coffee
and tea for us." And I was like,
"Great." And so he went and got it. And
it was really good, but you know, you're
paying for coffee and tea at like store
prices. So I'm like, "We should probably
go get our own tea so we can make our
own cuz there's a kitchen here."
And um I just saw a little light go out
in his eye.
So I'm like, "No, we could just keep
doing the coffee teething thing in the
morning." So every morning our ritual
right now is uh he gets up. He usually
wakes up before me, even at home, goes
to the bathroom, comes back, gives me a
kiss, chills for a second, then says,
"I'm going to get coffee and tea." And
then I say, "Okay, see you later." And
then I get up, I put on some folky weird
music that he wouldn't really want to
hear. Some, you know, some white people
stuff, some sad white people stuff. And
then I clean up the area. I drink water.
I sit outside for a second. And so it's
a nice ritual. Um, so anyways, when I
suggested for him to to go for a walk,
he was like, "Yeah." So, let's see if he
comes back or what time he comes back.
Nah, he'll come back for sure. He'll
come back probably like 45 minutes or
so. That gives us enough time enough
time to chat.
Jared just said to me that one of the
greatest tragedies is that people
are in too much of a rush to understand
somebody.
We're all meeting people and being like,
h, I think you're like this. You're like
that. Oh, you're you're kind of like
this type. Okay, great. And then we
spend the rest of the relationship
trying to confirm our bias or our
perception of that person. And we build
this whole archetype around a first
impression sometimes or a very early
impression, but we're in a rush to get
to that place. And he was just saying so
much can be done if people just delayed
that. Like just fight as hard as you can
not to jump to a conclusion about
somebody.
for as long as you possibly can. And
then I thought to myself, yeah, I gotta
remind myself constantly and do that for
you. And thank you for the reminder in
this moment. I have to detach myself
from this security that I know you or
that you are ever knowable. You're
always changing, always evolving. You're
just becoming. And I've been benefited
from your becoming. And I love your
becoming. And so I can't be afraid of it
either. which means I I have to be both
consistent, reliable, secure for this
man, for my partner while also being
hey, how are you complete stranger? I
have to give like the the security and
the foundation of of an ancestor, of a
mother, of a lover, of a kin, but the
experience on top has to be light as
air. Has to be as fickle as the wind.
You don't really try to chart it. We can
have a prediction here or there. There
goes the wind right now.
Don't know why it blowed, but I could
find out if I wanted to, but I
acknowledge that I don't know. And
that's the magic. My husband is like I
don't know. There's like such a bleed
over between the two of us. And he he
normalizes me. He grounds me and he
makes me feel safe. I love traveling
with him. I love doing anything with him
when he is around. I
when I used to live with somebody
previously, I would get home cuz we live
together and I'd put my hand on the
doororknob cuz his ass would be home on
the other side
not going anywhere. So I'd put my hand
on the doororknob and I'd go,
"Hey
subconsciously
clocked booked.
Booked, booked, clocked.
That
early on into living with Jared, I would
come home, put my hand in that door
knob.
Babe,
I'm back.
I'm raw again. I'm with you. My outer
layer, my outer shell. And I'm your
outer shell, too. We're like that. We're
like a turtle.
A soft body and a hard shell. It's not
separate, but like separate. And then
sometimes we switch. And um I love I
love being Jared's hard shell. Oh, it
feels like such an honor to me. He was
recently telling me, "Oh, Jared had a
really hard life growing up. Very very
challenging like many people, you know,
very lucky to be here, very gifted. But
then in some areas luck ran out.
Um and um he yeah he was just telling me
that he has he's got some fear some
abandonment issues and I got to just
walk beside him and tap him on the
shoulder and say all earnesty you know I
will always be here with you.
You know I will always have you always
will have your back
for as long as you're here. And that's
the truth because even if I pass the way
that uh we've loved and poured into each
other, we're always going to be present
in each other's lives. Always. And
there's always going to be a way that
they're helping you, guiding you,
standing there for you, like I got you.
There's just like a a knowingness. So
these are the thoughts I'm having on the
plane before. This is all mixed in with
again my birthday and the thoughts of
worthiness and the thoughts of life and
the big questions and the you know uh
the wonderings and the emptiness, the
uncertainty, the lack of confidence,
lack of worth, all of that. Those big
questions are happening then. So now I'm
probably like 4 days past that. Still
thinking about it here and there,
looking for more evidence to understand
my feelings. And then I land in Puerto
Rico, call him, have this lovely
conversation. We meet up.
We hang out for for a little bit at the
beach and then I say, "Why don't we go
back to the room and chill? I haven't
really been sleeping great." I love
being on a a early morning schedule on
vacation. I mean, if you go out, you
stay out later, that's fine. But at
least you're not starting at 10:00 a.m.
and then getting later and later till
it's like 2:00 p.m. when you wake get
up. If you kind of start at like 7:00
a.m., then you just get later and later
by the time you leave. You still like
got to enjoy your days. So anyways, and
like we're tired, so like let's try to
actually go to bed at like 8:00 p.m.
tonight and
we're laying down now.
Jared has the context of I'm tired,
whatever is clever. I have my own
context that are happening and no one's
speaking.
And I start thinking to myself,
does he have nothing left to say to me?
Do we have nothing left to say to each
other?
And then Jared says to me, "Are you
tired?" And instead of interpreting that
as, "Are you tired?" I interpret that
as, "I really hope that you're tired so
that you can go to sleep so that I can
actually enjoy my vacation."
Dead ass is what I thought.
And I'm like hurt. Like, "No, I told you
I'm tired, but it's it's like 6:00. I
don't want to go to bed till 8." So, no.
Yeah, I'm tired, but I'm not I'm not
sleeping. He's like,
that answer was a lot. Your tone is a
lot. So now he's not speaking further.
And now I'm getting more angry at the
fact that he's not speaking.
And then I start thinking,
am I the only one who starts
conversations?
Am I the one who's always carrying
things?
Does he like me?
Does this guy even like being around me?
I don't think he does. And then he says,
"I'm going to run a bath." And he
doesn't ask me if I want to join him.
I am livid and heartbroken
just feeling like
how much longer are we going to pretend
that this is an okay way to exist?
He turns on the water for the bath
and he goes to the bathroom. And I'm
laying there
just thinking to myself, I guess this is
it.
When he comes out, he's like, "Are you
sleeping?"
And now I'm so mad. Why do you keep
asking me if I'm sleeping or I'm sleepy?
Like I've told you the same answer.
Don't want to go to bed till 8. No, I'm
not sleeping. Yes, I am tired. Yes, I
just wanted to lay here, get off my back
because again, I'm interpreting this as
like, are you gonna fall asleep soon so
I can do what I want to do? Which again,
now in my mind, I'm like, Jared wants to
take a bath by himself so he wants me to
be in bed for that so he can enjoy his
bath alone.
This man never baths.
He turned on the bath for me. He never
even went in it eventually cuz it was
just such stank attitude and energy
between us. He just pulls out the plug
and then goes and does something else.
I need you to add in the context of
everything else I've said
because you didn't miss anything. You
might be thinking, "Oh, I'm missing a
part of this story. Jared has an outside
baby or Jared skins cats alive and I
know that." So like that's been a major
thing that we've had to overcome and so
now that's this thing that creates a
rift between us that's like no.
Okay, we got to pause because my mind
was already swirling around these
questions and ruminating on these
questions. Even if I was trending
upward,
when I got into my deep subconscious,
those questions were still raging, which
let me know that they may be raging when
everything else is ripped off and it's
raw, but when everything else is on top
of it, it's there, but just not always
as perceptible. And then I had an
opportunity to sit down with those
questions and say,
"You're crazy.
You're crazy."
And you live in a crazy world. So it
makes sense, a world that wants you to
constantly feel on edge, which makes
sense because again, anything could
change at any moment. But it just
doesn't behoove you to live your entire
life with that as your
large thought. The questions, will
tomorrow be okay? Will today be okay?
Will I make it across the street? Does
this person love me? Am I worthy? Does
this m like that existence is for the
birds, babe?
And we're so much luckier and smarter
and cooler than that. And I don't mean
that in a supremacist way. We all are.
You are so much cooler, accomplished,
fortunate, lucky, sexy, bold, full of
potential, full of passion, interesting
than to spend your life,
wondering about things that that's not
going to matter.
Here's the best part of the story. It's
already ridiculous that I had the
questions. It's ridiculous that I was
making this micro minuscule tired end of
a travel day moment into the summation
of our entire relationship. That I was
choosing to discount all the other
incredible evidence that I have that I
have found a person who I get to
confidently say is my person who is as
close to me as any human can ever and
maybe will ever be. I mean, I hope I
guess I it keeps getting better, but I I
like where it's at now. I love the our
closeness now.
Why am I going to discount all of that
to pick this moment
to not only
give me that crushing fear or that
crushing reality that I'm not actually
loved in this marriage, we have this
opportunity to connect. We're like
together alone finally. A lot of our
moments we have to like sneak them or
steal them because life is so busy for
us. We're always on the go just and
we're always empathizing with each other
because the other person is like we're
both in like tornadoes like okay I love
you babe. Ah bye. That's the life. We
take our moments when we can. But now
it's in stillness. It's in the nothing.
There's like nothing pulling us apart.
Nothing we have to do. And it's like
hurting me that you're not talking.
which is what I said hours later.
And he said, "You told me you were tired
and then you weren't talking and
sometimes I was asking you questions and
you weren't answering." And I was like,
"Yeah, because you kept asking me if I
was tired, if I was sleeping, so I got
tired of those questions, so I stopped
answering." He's like, "Well, what else
am I going to ask the person who's just
silent?
What else would I ask?" It's like, "I
don't know. Why didn't you ask me like
why they decided to put beef on
sandwiches and and not pigeons? Why
didn't you ask me that? Like why didn't
you could have asked me anything. He's
like I didn't I just didn't know.
I didn't know. And I was like I didn't
know.
He was like, "God, do me a favor.
If you're ever having one of those
moments where you think he doesn't love
me, where you're wondering if he
actually wants to be with me, where you
are sitting there questioning whether or
not I'd rather be someone else, if
you're ever having those moments, just
stop. It's not true.
If I brought him out here right now, he
would not remember saying that.
It wasn't like a profound statement. It
was just like, "The sky is blue.
Move on.
Is it raining right now?" Yeah.
What's that? like
and that just meant the world to me
because I think the way that I would
have answered that question or I think
if somebody would have posed that
question and I would think about what's
the logical response the logical
response is if you're ever wondering if
I don't really want to be here if you're
ever wondering if I have stopped loving
you just ask me
ask me and I'll tell you I think that I
thought at the pinnacle. But the real
peak, it was what that man gave me in
there.
All right, let's go. It's raining again.
Bye. Popping in to show some love to the
sponsor of this video, Squarespace. Now,
if you guys have seen my latest website,
you know that there are a lot of moving
pieces, a lot of moving parts, which
means a lot of money. Save yourself all
of that. Get everything you need in one
spot with Squarespace. You deserve to
have a growing, thriving business.
that's not overly complicated. So, how
do you do that? With Fluid Engine, the
next generation website editor from
Squarespace has never been easier for
anyone to unlock unbreakable creativity.
Choose your website starting point and
customize every design detail with
reimagined drag and drop technology.
Squarespace blueprint AI and SEO tools.
Start a completely personalized website
with new guided design system,
Squarespace Blueprint. Then easily
launch your site and get discovered fast
with integrated optimized SEO tools so
you show up more often to more people
and grow the way that you want. Next,
let's talk about flexible payments. Make
checkout seamless for your customers
with simple but powerful payment tools.
And in eligible countries, offer
customers the option to buy now and pay
later with Afterpay and Clear Pay. You
already know this part, but I'm going to
say it anyway. Check out squarespace.com
to get yourself a free trial to play
around. And once you've fallen in love
with what you've built and the way and
ease that you can build it, go to
squarespace.com/shambooty
for 10% off the purchase of a website or
a domain. at squarespace.com/sham
booty.