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A Heartbreaking Love Letter

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The episode opens with a poignant reading of Richard Feinman's love letter to his late wife, Arlene, dated October 17th, 1946. In this deeply personal piece, Feinman expresses that he writes not merely because she enjoys hearing it, but because the act itself warms him from within despite having gone nearly two years without contact due to his stubbornness and realism about her condition. He articulates a complex grief where he wishes to continue loving her even after death, finding comfort in the idea of discussing problems or starting projects together that they can no longer do. Feinman acknowledges the difficulty of understanding love for someone who is gone yet insists she remains superior to anyone else alive, rejecting societal pressure on him to find another partner while admitting his own inability to move on emotionally. The discussion then shifts to a broader reflection on modern dating culture and the biological realities facing women today. The speaker critiques the trend where high-achieving individuals delay marriage until their careers are established, arguing that this approach ignores the fact that biology has not advanced alongside cultural expectations regarding fertility. He points out that pregnancies past age 35 carry significant geriatric risks, creating a narrow window for those who wish to have children if they also want time in college and early career development. By calculating timelines where one might graduate at twenty-two but need six years just to raise four children with realistic spacing, he concludes that the first child should ideally be born around age 29 or later, making it difficult to marry shortly after meeting someone without rushing into a partnership before fully knowing them. To illustrate how relationships function in modern society compared to fifty years ago, the speaker introduces an anecdote about his mentor whose wife was not involved in his business at all yet they maintained a very happy marriage. The mentor explained that he did not need her for professional collaboration but rather needed her for other essential life functions, highlighting a shift where people now live together constantly and have their various needs fulfilled by many different individuals outside the home. This contrasts with the past when spouses spent less time together, allowing them to rely on separate social circles for specific aspects of life like church or business discussions. The speaker suggests that while finding someone who can cover multiple boxes is amazing, it is not a requirement for happiness and warns against the fallacy of seeking a perfect soulmate who completes us entirely. Ultimately, the core argument presented is that partners should be evaluated based on whether they help each other become better versions of themselves rather than fulfilling every single need or acting as a magical solution to life's problems. The speaker emphasizes that suffering is constant and individuals must choose how their relationships evolve within that reality, rejecting non-negotiables like wanting children if one partner does not share that desire unless it aligns with both parties' goals. He concludes by noting the excitement of learning how to be married lies in navigating differences rather than finding a flawless match, while also addressing the unfairness placed on women who face strict biological clocks compared to men who can wait their entire lives without such constraints.
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Have you ever read Richard Feman's love letter to his wife? Uh, no. I read the pleasure of finding things out. Okay. But I love Fineman. Love, love. I mean, you can see a lot of influence. I might I might not be able to say this without crying, which is going to be very embarrassing, but I'm going to try. October 17th, 1946. To Arlene, I adore you, sweetheart. I know how much you like to hear it, but I don't only write it because you like it. I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write you. It is such a terribly long time since Alash wrote to you, almost two years. But I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am stubborn and realistic and I thought there was no sense to writing. But now I know, my darling wife, that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I will always love you. I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead. But I still want to comfort and take care of you. And I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you. I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until now that we can do that. What should we do? We started to learn to make clothes together or learn Chinese or get a movie projector. Can't I do something now? No. I am alone without you. And you were the idea woman and general instigator of all our wild adventures. When you were sick, you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn't have worried just as I told you then. There was no real need because I loved you in so many ways. So much. And now it is clearly even more true. You can give me nothing. Yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else. But I want you to stand there. You dead are so much better than anyone else alive. I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don't want to be in my way. I'll bet you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend except you, sweetheart, after two years. But you can't help it, darling. Nor can I. I don't understand it for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don't want to remain alone. But in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real. My darling wife, I do adore you. I love my wife. My wife is dead. Tough to play the reverse out. It's like, would I want Leila to write that letter? And I don't think I would unless she was happy writing that letter. But if the removal of me as a contingency of reinforcement for her um meant that she couldn't find that in somebody else, um would sadden me. And so I've already so like with Lelay life I've told her I tell her a lot. Um I was like I'm going to die before you statistically there's I'm for sure going to die before you. She's a little younger. She's younger and I'm bigger like and she exercised like she's for sure going to live longer. And I was like I want you to spend as little time as humanly possible from the time that I die to finding somebody else. Um you do me no service by making yourself miserable. And you do not discredit or dishonor me by finding somebody else to spend your life with. So yeah, just I I only think about that from reverse. There's a the joy of melancholy. Yeah. Is an interesting kind of emotion that's kind complex. Mhm. You know, this strange think wallowing satisfaction in wistfulness. Um and yeah, wallowing. whileing maybe a little a little more loaded. Um, but melancholy, you know, there can be odd joy and sadness and and a kind of beauty that you get to experience after something is gone that you can't experience during it. That I've not had anybody in my life die. Only child with a mother and a father that is still alive. Like, I've got there's no one. Must be nice. Yeah. [ __ ] Um, but there's not been many things that I've lost. And this is me [ __ ] Monday morning quarterbacking. Uh, I don't know. But maybe what's a mood setter? Modern women see Ila and think, "I'll wait to establish myself in my career before I date or get married or have kids." But they forget we got married when she was 23 and we built this together. Love is one of the rare times you don't do life in order, but rather all at once. If you find someone that makes your world go round and makes the world make sense to you, where you both look at the same thing and say, "Oh, you saw that, too?" Like, I feel like I was the only one. I think that for high achieving individuals, finding someone who sees the world the same way is incredibly rare. And when you find that person, you should stop what you're doing and then you should get them to stay with you. And it's been, you know, one of the best decisions of my entire life, marrying Ila. And there's there's this especially unfortunately for women right now there's this huge you know put it off delay there's no rush but it doesn't actually take into um consideration two things. One is that biology hasn't advanced with culture and society. You can't have kids past you know 35. I mean, you can, but you're a geriatric, you know, it's a ger geriatric pregnancy past 35. Ruthless tum. Yeah. I'm just being real, right? Yeah. Um, and so I mean, I I this is like super prevalent and I know this is a much more common theme on the show and I don't touch it very much, but it it just I just say it more like cuz it I think it sucks. Um, it's not fair. It's not Yeah, it's objectively it's not fair. Guys can wait the you know, their whole lives. They can do everything. Um, and you have to, if you go to college, graduate college at 21 or 22, and if you want to have four kids, assuming that you have perfect pregnancies and you have exactly one year, you know, 18 months between each one, okay, that's six years by the time you're done. And so if we if we rule out ger that geratric pregnancy is our last, then it means that we have to basically have or we you have to have your first kid at 29. Well, okay, maybe it'll take, let's just tack one year on of marriage to have the kid and be married. Okay, 28 you're married. All right, do you want to marry somebody within six months of meeting them? Let's give it two years to give our logical, you know, brain in. Okay, so 26, 26, you graduate at 22, you have 48 months. And I think that again, this is if you have if you don't want kids, then all of this is null. If you do, then you have a very small window um to piece that together. Now, of course, there's surrogates and maybe in the future, you know, like I I'll say in general, betting on I'll smoke I'll smoke cigarettes now because by the time I'm old, they'll have a cure for it. Um I don't know. I just I don't make those bets. And so, it's easier to work with reality the way it is, not the way you hope it's going to end up landing. Yeah. to to knowingly incur basically a guaranteed price for the potential of maybe a non-existent solution is probably not the best decision-making process. And to be clear, I say this, Ila and I, you know, we don't have kids. She's not 35. Um, but I think that we have these unrealistic expectations that someone is going to make our lives, that they're going to complete us in some way. when I think that for me the the the best thing that a partner can do is help you be the best version of yourself and that may mean that you also have other friends who who fulfill other needs for you. I remember a mentor of mine uh you know he he had had a wife that well most people have wives that are not involved in their business. I'm more the exception there. Um but his wife wasn't involved at all in the business and they had a very happy marriage. Uh, and he said, um, and I said, 'Do you ever like wish you could talk shop with, you know, your wife? And he said, "God, no." And I was like, "Uh, why not?" He said, "That's what I got you for." And it was just such a business. It was just a such a flippant like off-handed answer that I was like, there was actually a lot of wisdom in that. And he's like, "I don't need I don't need her to do that." He's like, "I need her to do this." And he's like, "And I've got you and you and Kevin to do these things with." And he's like, "And when I want to do like church stuff, I go to these people." And so um and I think a lot of that is because we've become increasingly remote. People live together in close quarters for extended period of time. And so it's like our exposure, our surface area with one another has gone so far up compared to how the vast majority of kind of uh relationships were call even 50 years ago. Like you didn't spend nearly as much time with your spouse. And so it was more normal to have different people or different parts of your life that were or needs being fulfilled by many people and only the ones that are confined by the laws of marriage being delivered on that. Now if you get somebody who can who can take two of those boxes or three of those boxes amazing. But I think the idea cuz I tend to reject the idea of soulmate and I think that people have this fallacy of the perfect pick like I have to pick this person perfectly when there's also the Buddhist perspective which you and I have both you know spoken length off off off camera about which is like suffering is going to be a constant and this person will like we get to choose how we want this to go and so I think that If you take off the societal pressure of a perfect partner and think does this person make me better, will this person hold me back from my goals? Um, if the answer to that is they will make me better, they will make it more likely that I I do the things that I want to do and we have no what I would consider non-negotiables. I want to have kids, they don't want to have kids, I want to travel, they never want to travel. If those things are good, I think part of the excitement of life is is learning how to be married. 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