Video summary
The speaker begins by reflecting on the recent passing of a beloved colleague named Om Malik, using this event to explore how life's inevitable chaos often feels unavoidable yet ultimately meaningful. He shares that while he initially experienced deep sorrow and loss upon hearing the news, he soon realized these feelings were simply love manifesting in its most painful form; one would not endure such grief unless they cared deeply for the person who has passed. This perspective shifts the focus from mere sadness to gratitude, highlighting how every interaction with a loved one is precious because it represents a finite opportunity that cannot be repeated once lost.
This realization leads directly into the video's central argument regarding time spent with parents: by the time an individual graduates high school and leaves for college or moves away, they have already consumed approximately 95% of all the hours they will ever spend together with their parents. The speaker cites a blog post by Tim Urban to illustrate this stark statistic visually, noting how it prompted him to take immediate action despite feeling awkward about forcing family trips since his own household is not very emotional. He emphasizes that life does not offer an infinite runway for these moments, urging listeners to make the effort to create quality time now rather than waiting until circumstances change or health declines.
The urgency of this message becomes even more poignant as the speaker describes a recent visit with his father, whose mobility has significantly compromised him and who now requires a wheelchair for many activities. After not seeing each other in about seven years due to life's distractions, they finally connected again, an experience that reinforced how quickly situations can change from being able to do anything together to needing assistance just to move around. The speaker expresses immense joy at his father's kindness during their reunion but also a sobering awareness that before long, he may not be able to visit or engage in shared activities anymore due to physical limitations.
Ultimately, the video serves as a call to action for viewers to stop taking time with aging parents and loved ones for granted because every moment is potentially the last one of its kind. The speaker references Sam Harris's concept from "The Last Time," which reminds us that we often fail to recognize when an experience will be our final opportunity until it has already passed, as seen in his own regrettable attempts at risky activities like flipping on a bouncy house later in life. By acknowledging the finite nature of these relationships and accepting the discomfort required to prioritize them, individuals can ensure they do not leave with regrets over unspent time that could have been cherished while still possible.
Read the full video transcript
First I'll say that
lately life has been lifeing me. It's
been doing all the things. We lost a
dear colleague Om Malik.
>> Oh man, very very sad.
>> Very notorious like just amazing early
tech just creative
>> brilliant writer writer brilliant
thinker very sweet guy.
>> The nicest the nicest.
>> And we've lost him within the last week.
>> Yeah, yeah. He passed away so that was
tough. That was
really tough. I found out when I was at
a a retreat. I went to a 5-day silent
meditation retreat which is great but
bummer to hear that. But I mean this is
the thing that I realized the other day
I was
thinking about you know, Toaster and Om
and other stuff I have going on and my
mom getting older and following and all
these things and in some sense it's
unavoidable number one and number two
I kind of wouldn't have it any other
way. It's what makes life interesting.
Like when Om passed
>> You mean death?
>> Well, just the everything the chaos of
it all.
>> Yeah.
>> If you can just take a step back and be
like, well, or I could just be sitting
there living a really boring life and
nothing could be happening. Like when Om
passed
what I felt was a severe sense of loss
and sorrow and sadness but I realized
that that gap is just love at the end of
the day because I wouldn't have it
unless I loved this man so much. Like I
I cared for this person so much. How
lucky am I to have crossed paths with
this person?
>> you were
and you were tied in through True
Ventures obviously and prior to that.
>> Yeah, but like anyone in general that
you lose that you love, you know? I mean
when I lost my dad like that is just a
gaping hole of love manifested through
sorrow and sadness.
>> Yeah.
>> And once you realize that it's like,
wow, I had this great father that did
all these amazing things with me. And
you can kind of convert that or just be
okay with it. Not that you need to
change that feeling.
>> Recognize that it's a consequence of the
love you have.
>> of the love, the deep love.
>> Yeah, you know, I heard about his
passing and I want to give credit where
credit is due for a few things. Matt
Mullenweg,
>> Oh my
>> mutual friend, he was incredibly close
to Om.
And I'm really grateful to Matt for a
few things. One, I mean many things. I
could give a long list, but there are a
few. One is he organized a trip to
Antarctica. I've never been to
Antarctica or hadn't and on that trip
were just a handful of people including
Om. So I got to spend
quality time and trust me, when you're
in Antarctica
>> Yeah.
>> you are indoors most of the time. What
that means is you're either trying to
sleep in your tent, but it's going to be
during the summer, so it's like a
spotlight in your face 24 hours a day
or you're in one of these other
structures where you probably like
having wine and junk food, let's be
honest.
And there's a lot of talking. So we got
to hang out and Om was also an avid
photographer.
>> Mhm.
>> And so we got to like go to this nearby
emperor penguin colony, which was a
once-in-a-lifetime experience.
And you just sit and talk. And
if there were going to be any small
talk, which there wasn't going to be
with Om or me really for that matter, it
all falls away after the first half a
day.
>> Right.
>> And then everybody's kind of like
psychologically naked, right? So I
really want to thank Matt for that
opportunity to bond with Om. And I'd
spent a lot of time with him, but it was
always in these little bits and pieces.
>> Yeah.
>> You know, not for several days straight
where you're basically like locked in
together.
>> And separately Matt introduced me to
this short blog post by someone who
typically writes very long blog posts,
Tim Urban, called The Tail End. I don't
know if I ever sent this to you.
>> Yeah, people should know by Wait But
Why? Wait But Why? Yeah, fantastic blog.
>> And The Tail End makes the point among
many others that by the time you, I
think it's graduate from high school.
Let's assume you're headed off to
college
away from your parents. You've spent
something like 90, 95%
of the total hours you will ever spend
with your parents by the time you
graduate from high school.
>> Mhm.
>> And when you start to visualize that,
and Tim Urban's really good at laying it
out visually,
it can provoke some really profound
changes for me. I mean, just reading
that short blog post sent to me by Matt
ended up leading to taking my family on
these family trips as like awkward and
uncomfortable that was at points cuz my
family doesn't really
emote much.
>> Mhm.
>> And so you stick us together in the way
that I was together with them and it's
it can be super uncomfortable.
But making the effort, right? At least
feeling like, look,
this runway is not infinite.
>> Yeah.
>> And it's like, let me just make the
effort. And I'm glad I did because we
got to a point where it's like with my
dad's mobility is really compromised and
needs wheelchair now for a lot.
>> I just saw him a few days ago and it was
great to see him, dude.
>> Yeah.
>> It was so great to see him. He's so
kind.
>> Yeah.
>> He's like, "Kevin!" Like so happy. And
you know, he has a little cane and he
was just like so sweet to see him, man.
I hadn't seen him for like years.
>> Long time.
>> It'd been like 7 years or something like
that.
>> like that.
>> And
I'm glad I took those trips because
before you know it, you can't do it
anymore. And it makes me think of you
mentioned meditation, this really good
short, I'll call it a meditation for
simplicity, but
>> [snorts]
>> it's like an audio book chapter by Sam
Harris called The Last Time. I think
it's called The Last Time. And he
reflects on
these various experiences that at the
time you don't recognize are the last
time for something.
>> Mhm.
>> Right? So he he went skiing, he went
skiing, he went skiing and there was a
time when he stopped, but he didn't
realize that was going to be the last
time. Right.
>> And you just [ __ ] don't know.
>> Do you ever try and like I think about
this, dude, and then I try and do it one
more time.
>> Yeah, that's right. That's how I always
end up injured.
>> Dude, so
>> [laughter]
>> I went to the bouncy house with my kids
and like I'm 49, you know, and I was
like, I'm going to [ __ ] do a flip
right now. And like literally people
were like, don't do it. Don't like like
calm me off, you know, and I did it and
I stuck it and it felt good.
I think it'd be my last time.