Video summary
Being single can often feel difficult, especially when watching peers enter relationships while one remains alone, leading many to question their worth or spiritual standing. The speaker shares his own struggles from ages sixteen to twenty-three, where he felt inadequate compared to friends who were married, prompting him to explore why God might be keeping him single for now. He emphasizes that this season is not a curse but a blessing designed to foster significant personal growth. By remaining single, individuals are given the unique opportunity to address areas of immaturity and develop character traits essential for a healthy marriage, ensuring they are fully prepared to lead spiritually and emotionally within a relationship.
The video outlines several practical reasons for this waiting period, starting with financial stability and spiritual foundation. The speaker uses the biblical analogy of preparing a field before building a house to illustrate the importance of establishing financial security, such as paying off debt or saving money, before taking on the responsibilities of a family. Beyond finances, singlehood provides a crucial window to address issues like pornography addiction and inappropriate friendships with women, allowing men to set healthy boundaries and protect their future spouse's heart. Additionally, this time is vital for developing emotional intelligence, enabling individuals to engage in deep, meaningful conversations and learn how to care for another person's spiritual and emotional needs rather than just surface-level topics.
Furthermore, the speaker addresses the critical need to resolve anger issues and cultivate self-control before marriage. He warns that bringing unresolved anger into a relationship can cause severe damage, comparing a man without self-control to a city with broken walls that cannot protect itself from temptation or harm. While it is easy to feel ready once certain criteria are met, God may be using this season to prepare the future spouse as well, working on her heart in ways the single man cannot yet see. Ultimately, these years of singleness are not merely about preparation but about growing in patience, love, joy, and peace, ensuring that when a partner arrives, the individual is filled with Christ first and ready to serve sacrificially rather than seeking to fill their own voids.
Read the full video transcript
Being a single young man can suck. It
can also be awesome, but it can also
really suck. I think back to the years
from honestly 16 to 23 when I eventually
met my wife. A lot of those years were
very difficult because I was seeing my
friends get in relationships, have
long-term girlfriends, you know, get
married. And I was asking myself like,
what am I doing wrong? I'm putting
myself out there. I'm trying to improve
myself. What are they doing that I'm not
doing? or is it just like God wants me
to si be single right now? It can be
kind of confusing. And so in today's
video, I want to share with you eight
reasons that God wants you to be single
for now. And I'm just going to be
totally honest with you. This video may
make you uncomfortable because it's
going to kind of call you out in some
ways or it may call you out. And I just
want you to be receptive to that.
Receptive to where you want to grow and
where you need to grow and also
receptive to what God is doing in your
life. Okay, let's get into it.
Reason number one is that you're
spiritually immature. Now, don't
misunderstand me here. I'm not saying
that the second you develop spiritual
maturity that God's like, "Okay, you're
ready now. Let's bring him uh his wife
and he'll be ready to go." That's not
what I'm saying. I'm saying that one of
the benefits and one of the blessings of
being single that God has given you
right now is that he will help you
identify your spiritual immaturity and
help you grow in that. Right? So that's
how I want you to see it. I want you to
see it as a blessing and not a curse.
Because the reality is is if you are
spiritually immature, the Bible talks
about, you know, drinking milk instead
of eating solid food. That might be
where you're at. Especially if you're a
new Christian, you're still taking in
the basics of the faith. You're still
really at the beginning point of
sanctification. Sanctification is the
process of us growing to be more and
more like Jesus. If you're still at the
beginning of that process, how are you
going to lead someone spiritually? How
are you going to care for someone's
soul? You're not going to be able to.
So, right now, you have the blessing of
being able to establish a solid
foundation so that you can be a
spiritual leader in your relationship
and in your marriage.
Reason number two is no job, no money.
Proverbs 24:27 says, "Prepare your work
outside. Get everything ready for
yourself in the field and after that
build your house. So what is this
actually saying? Okay, prepare the work
that you need to do. Okay, make sure
that there is land that can support the
household before you build the
household. If you're building the house
before you build the field, you have no
means of supporting the people in the
house, right? So just like nowadays you
don't necessarily have a field, but your
field is, you know, your work and what
you're doing and how you're providing
for your family. establish that field,
get that ready, and then build your
family. And I don't know the particular
situation that you're in. I'm not saying
you got to be a multi-millionaire or got
to make a $100,000 a year before you get
married. That is just completely
unrealistic. But there are some basic
things that you can do. You find
yourself single. Okay, maybe you find
yourself in debt. This is time for you
to pay off that debt. This is time for
you to establish a little bit of
financial security. save some so that
when you get find that girl, right, you
can take her out on dates. That's nice,
right? And when you want to get married,
you can buy that engagement ring and you
can get that apartment. And like these
are just some basic things that will
relieve so much stress if you can be
committed and disciplined. Now, there
are plenty of guys that just don't give
a rip. Like, they don't care. They're
like, "I'm single. I can spend my money
the way that I want to. I don't need to
prepare for anything." And that's how
they do it. And then they get in a
relationship and they feel so much
stress and anxiety about providing all
the time and so many relationship fights
about money and like you can avoid so
much of that drama by being a little bit
proactive, developing skills, being
committed and disciplined in a job. If
you want to go a little bit deeper in on
this topic, I put out a video a few
weeks ago all about micro money habits
that you should have. And that video
will help explain a lot more. And don't
get me wrong, this is not an opportunity
to shame you if you find yourself in
debt or you're not making really
anything or you don't have a job or
you're still living with your parents.
Like, I've been there. I know. I know
what it's like and the amount of shame
that you can feel and just like feeling
like a loser. And that's not at all what
I want to communicate to you. I just
want to encourage you to be disciplined
and consistent in what you're doing with
this time. We need to talk about a
struggle that both guys and girls have,
and it is online pornography. It is
there and it is tempting and it's so
hard sometimes to have self-control to
continually turn away from it when it's
that available. And you right now may be
struggling in the dark. Relay is much
more than an accountability app. They
are a program that is designed to help
you break free from pornography. And if
you've watched for a while, you've
probably heard me mention them, but I
want to show you a new feature that they
have called Heart Flex. Heartflex is a
feature on the Relay app where they help
you understand what you're feeling, work
through those emotions, actually
experience it instead of just avoiding
and where you feel it in your body. And
then they lead you to some exercises
that you can do to care for those
emotions. It seems simple, but pushing
yourself to actually list the emotions
that you're feeling and go through one
of those exercises, document that, and
see your progress is really impactful. I
could go on about Relay and there's a
bunch of other features that I haven't
even mentioned, but if you want to get
started on your journey to break free
from porn, click the link in my
description or scan the QR code here and
use the code Isaac D to get 7 days free
of Relay. Thanks so much to Relay for
sponsoring this video. Now, let's get
back into it. Reason number three is
inappropriate, particularly female
connections. So, what do I mean by this?
Well, there's a lot of guys that don't
have any boundaries with their female
friends. And when they bring a
girlfriend into the picture, things get
very messy very quickly. You need to
establish new boundaries with those
female friends because that's going to
be straight up drama. And it's not
healthy either. You're not protecting
their heart of these female friends.
You're kind of using them in a sense.
They're using you as well. But it might
be hard. But say, "Hey, you know what?
We've been hanging out one-on-one and
kind of playing boyfriend and
girlfriend, but maybe I'm not interested
in you in that way or you're not
interested in me in that way, but we
just, you know, hang out this way
because we're lonely or we're bored or
whatever. But it's an inappropriate
dynamic. It's not good because what
happens when I get a girlfriend? All of
a sudden, I got two kind of girlfriends.
Cut that stuff off. Establish new
boundaries. I have plenty of videos on
this channel about establishing
boundaries with female friends, but it's
something that God is giving you the
time to sort out while you are still
single. Number four is you're not ready
for her heart. I think that says you're
no ready for her heart. You're also not
ready to spell because you're still in
middle school. When was the last time
you checked in with yourself
emotionally? Like what you were feeling,
what you were experiencing? Do you find
yourself to be an emotionally available
person? Are you able to have emotionally
deep conversations with the people in
your life and the guy friendss in your
life? Are you able to go to that level?
Or do you find yourself you're just
always talking about sports or cars or
whatever else is going on, work, but you
never get to that level. You never get
to that depth. The truth is about a
woman is that God has entrusted us to
care for their heart. Care for their
spiritual needs. Yes. And also their
emotional needs. And if you have no
experience going to that level,
listening to someone's heart, asking
them important questions about kind of
searching the depths of what they're
experiencing, what they're feeling, man,
it's going to be a tough learning curve
for you. And plenty of guys, they go
through this, right? They they just have
never had these kind of conversations
and they don't know what it's like and
you know, the girl puts up with it. But
this is for us now as you know, some of
you guys, your single guys watching this
video. How can I prepare myself to get
ready to actually care for her heart in
a meaningful way? And how you can begin
to do that is to care for your own
heart. Is to understand what you're
experiencing and care for your friends
hearts. Ask them deeper questions than
just like how was your week, but it's
like how have you been feeling lately?
Like how has this impacted you? Are you
feeling good about this? Like how have
you worked through this? Reason number
five that God wants you to be single for
now is that you have a lack of
self-control. Proverbs 25:28 says, "A
man without self-control is like a city
broken into and left without walls."
What does a city wall do? It protects
it. It's a boundary that keeps things
that they're not that are not supposed
to be in the city outside the city. And
that's what self-control does. Someone
comes knocking at your city wall with
some sort of temptation and you're able
to say, "No, stay out. Do you have
boundaries? Do you have self-control? Or
does anything that knock at the door can
just come in?" Reason number six is that
he's preparing her. The hard thing is is
that you can't see everything that's
going on right now. Like I felt like,
man, I am ready. Like I have a job. I
have self-control. I am pretty
spiritually mature. Like of course I
could grow in all those areas, but there
wasn't something that was super standing
out to me that I had to work on in order
to kind of be ready for marriage. And
yet it still wasn't happening. And like
I said before, you're not owed God to
bring someone into your life just
because you meet all these criteria.
That's a kind of a toxic way of thinking
about it. It's like I'm going to do this
and God is obligated to bring someone
into my life. No, but as we're thinking
about it as a single man, you can think
about it this way where it's like, okay,
you know what? Maybe God is working on
her. Maybe he's really working and
preparing her. Like I think about it for
myself where yeah, absolutely. I still
had a lot of growth to go go on in like
a few of those years leading up to
marriage. But I think about my wife and
now understanding where she was at that
point in her life and seeing how much
growth she had to go through and like
God was like really working on her heart
in those years. But I didn't know that
and it was hard to think that way at the
time. But just as much as God is working
on you in this season, he's also working
on your wife. Reason seven that God
wants you to be single for now is anger
issues. Colossians 3:19 says, "Husbands,
love your wives and do not be harsh with
them." If you're struggling heavily with
anger issues, that is one of the worst
things that you can bring into a
relationship because you will become
upset about the way that your wife or
your girlfriend do does some things or
some things that she says or just like,
you know, not getting your own way. And
if you don't have like self-control over
that anger that you're experiencing,
like if you haven't dealt with that, and
maybe you even have like childhood anger
that you've just held around for a long
time and you haven't really dealt with
and understood, man, you got to deal
with that. You got to whatever it is, go
to counseling, talk about it. Even
within your own self, understand why you
get so upset so quickly. Because a
temper, man, you could do so much damage
in your relationship. Women are softer.
They are. I don't care what the culture
says. They're softer. And when you are
harsh with them, man, that really kills
your relationship. It It takes so much
work to repair. Even just like one
backhanded word towards them. You really
need to do a lot of repair work. So,
even now as you're a single guy, you
know, you have some anger issues, some
temper issues. Deal with them now. Go to
counseling. get some help from a mentor
or you know confess it to a brother that
you're close with and and talk about it
with him. Reason number eight is that
he's growing you in patience and love
and joy and peace and discipline and
self-control. Don't undervalue the
growth that is happening even in these
seasons where you know what you feel
like I wish I was in a relationship or I
wish I had a wife right now or I wish I
had a girlfriend and like that is a
longing of your heart and that is a good
longing right God said that it's not
good for man to be alone and when you
find that person when God brings that
girl into your life that'll be amazing
but don't underplay undervalue what God
is doing in your heart today and what he
can do in your heart how he can grow you
and let this be a season, not just of
preparation, but really to know what you
value the most. Right? As much as you
want this relationship, as much as you'd
love to be in a relationship, that's not
what's most important, and it shouldn't
be. Your relationship with God has to be
first and foremost so that when that
girl does come in your life, you can be
ready to serve her and to s sacrifice
for her and not ready to take and just
be like, "Oh, this is what I needed to
fill myself, but that we would be filled
first and foremost by Christ." I want to
hear from you. What's your experience
with this? I'd love to hear from you in
the comments down below. Thank you for
watching and subscribing because I'm
making new videos like this all the
time. And until next time, God bless.