Video summary
The comedian reflects on his long journey to finally film his stand-up special, noting that after fifteen years of rejection due to his age, he found the perfect location at a cave venue known for live music. This decision coincides with him winding down his extensive concert-going career, having attended approximately two thousand shows. He recently saw Elton John during the singer's third farewell tour, an event he views skeptically as artists often continue touring indefinitely despite their claims of retirement. To attend this specific show, he and a friend embarked on an old-school road trip from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, intending to bond before the performance, though the journey took an unexpected turn when his friend consumed mushrooms halfway there.
Upon arriving at the T-Mobile Arena, the comedian uses the concert setting to critique lingering societal prejudices in America, particularly homophobia and political gatekeeping that once required vaccine cards or voter records for entry. He jokes about the absurdity of people denying themselves access to events like Elton John's based on voting against gay marriage or not supporting Black Lives Matter, suggesting that such hypocrisy is rampant even among fans who claim to be allies. He extends this critique to same-sex couples wearing matching outfits, arguing that while some find it romantic, others might misinterpret it as a sign of infidelity, highlighting the deep-seated confusion and fear surrounding LGBTQ+ relationships in certain circles.
The narrative shifts to a humorous anecdote about his friend's extreme homophobia, which was so severe that he refused to ride on the back of a motorcycle with the comedian while injured in the desert, fearing he would "go nuts to butts." The comedian contrasts this irrational fear with the reality of San Francisco's reputation as a gay hub, joking that only two streets are actually gay and that visitors do not get greeted with buckets of dildos upon arrival. He also touches on his past experience selling motorcycles, comparing the sales tactics to drug dealing, before praising modern Bluetooth helmet technology that allows riders to share scenic views like waterfalls without having to shout over engine noise.
Back at the concert, the situation escalates as his friend's mushroom-induced trip reaches its peak, causing him to panic and attempt to leave the venue mid-show despite having front-row seats. The comedian notes the surreal atmosphere created by the usher holding both of their hands while they walked to their seats, which looked like a bizarre threesome. Once settled, Elton John delivers a spectacular performance featuring capes, small dogs, and a floating piano, but the friend's condition worsens, leading him to claim his back is killing him rather than admitting he is hallucinating. The set concludes with the friend completely lost in the psychedelic experience while Elton sings about broken hearts and men rolling sideways on highways, leaving the comedian to marvel at the show despite his companion's chaotic behavior.
Read the full video transcript
It's funny. I was uh trying to figure
out where to shoot my special for uh
like 15 years. Nobody gave a [ __ ]
right? He's too old. [ __ ] this guy. You
know, nobody wanted to do it. And uh
then I I talked to the owner of the cave
on my podcast and I was like, "What the
[ __ ] is that place? I got to shoot my
special in there, you know, because they
do live music and I'm [ __ ] I love
concerts, you know? I go to a lot of
concerts. I've seen about 2,000
concerts. No exaggeration. Yeah.
But I'm at the age now where I feel like
I got like four left in me.
The last concert I saw, I'm I'm checking
people off the list, was Elton John. I'd
never seen him. No.
I saw him on his third farewell tour,
which by the way, stop falling for the
[ __ ] farewell tour. Yeah, they ain't
going away.
>> You know how many ex-wives they had?
They're out there forever.
Leonard Skinnard all dead, still
touring, [laughter]
right? My buddy's like, "I'm seeing
Leonard Skinnard." I go, "You're
definitely not seeing Leonard Skinner.
So yeah, I uh I decided I was going to
go see Elton John. I had never seen him
and I'm kind of winding down my live
concert experience, right? So me and my
buddy decide we're going to go see him
in Las Vegas and we're going to go on an
old school road trip from LA to Vegas,
catch up, right? Old friends bonding.
Halfway there, my buddy takes a handful
of mushrooms. He goes, "Here we go.
I go, "What are you doing?" We're not
seeing Pink Floyd.
We're seeing an old gay guy on a piano.
Plus, you're driving.
So, we're on the ROAD TRIP. WE'RE
DRIVING INTO VEGAS, RIGHT? We're getting
in there. He's starting to come on to
the shrooms. The lights are big, you
know? He's just kind of like, "Oh,
fuck."
We pull in. Elton's playing the T-Mobile
Arena, right? And we park. We walk up.
Now, this is a different time in
America. Not too long ago, we couldn't
even get together like this. Remember,
you would have to show vaccine cards.
Were you guys into that?
>> I say [ __ ] that.
>> I think we should have went further.
I think you should have had to show your
voter ballot.
[cheering]
>> Let's find out what kind of piece of
[ __ ] you really are.
Or you get up to the front door, they're
like, "All right, let's take a look
here." Ah, says you voted against gay
marriage. No Elton John for you tonight.
Also says you didn't support Black Lives
Matter, so no NBA finals ever.
JUST PRE-SEASON ONLY. You racist piece
of [ __ ]
cuz I know there were homophobes in that
Elton John concert that voted against
gay marriage denying Elton of his
pleasures.
That's why I think Elton John should
have had two naked men [ __ ] the
entire concert. [cheering]
sideways too. So you can just you can
just see the pipe going in right just UP
THERE LIKE ROCKET MAN.
And the homophones ARE LIKE JUST PLAY
TINY DANCER. THIS [ __ ] IS GAY.
Look at some of you are like I lied to
him earlier but I don't know.
Listen, man. It's 2024.
Get over the homophobia.
>> IT'S [ __ ] INSANE.
[cheering]
[applause]
>> The insanity of that. People hate
same-sex couples. You know what? I can't
stand same clothes couples. [laughter]
WHERE DO I VOTE? NO. ON THAT.
You know these [ __ ] just matching
hats and sweaters? We love each other
walking around the mall. Stop doing
that. There's kids at the mall. They're
going to think that's okay.
Whenever I see a grown man wearing the
same [ __ ] as his wife, I'm like, "That
guy got caught cheating."
People are homophobic.
I grew up IN SAN FRANCISCO. PEOPLE THINK
everyone there is gay. It's crazy. Two
streets are gay in THE WHOLE CITY.
THAT'S IT. I don't know HOW IT GOT THIS
REPUTATION. It's not like you fly in on
vacation. You get off the plane, they're
like, "Welcome to San Francisco."
And then they just pour a bucket of
dicks on your head.
LIKE, WHOA, THIS PLACE IS GAY.
>> [laughter]
>> I got this buddy, man. He is super
homophobic, right? He thinks
everything's going to get him gay.
Couple summers ago, we went dirt bike
riding out in the desert, right? We're
just tearing it up. We're ripping it up,
having a good time. But this guy
crashes, right? He's laying in the sand.
The guy's [ __ ] bleeding. He's all
[ __ ] up. I ride up on my bike. I go,
"Dude, jump on the back. I'll take you
to the hospital." He looks at me and
goes, "I ain't going nuts to butts with
you."
Nuts to butts.
Who says this?
GET ON THE BACK, FOOL. YOU'RE DYING.
No way. Somebody might see us.
Yeah, like a doctor.
What's this guy thinking? Someone's
going to roll around the sand. I'm like,
whoa, look at these guys going nuts to
butts.
SAN FRANCISCO'S THAT WAY.
[applause]
I've been riding motorcycles 35 years,
you know, and yeah, it's interesting
when you ride motorcycles because guys
will come up to you and they'll say the
dumbest [ __ ] when you're on your bike,
right? Like I'm gassing up my bike, guy
walks up, he goes, "Oh man, nice bike. I
would have one of those, but the wife
won't let me." You know how it is.
No, I don't.
That's my bike.
Are you wearing Crocs?
[ __ ] away from me.
Before I uh did comedy, I used to sell
motorcycles. And I'll tell you this
right now, selling motorcycles is exact
selling drugs. Most people are going to
die on them.
But I didn't care. I needed the money.
Right? They come in, they're like,
"These are kind of dangerous, huh?" I'm
like, "Yeah, if you're a [ __ ]
That's how you can sell anything to a
man. Just [ __ ] you a [ __ ] I ain't
no [ __ ] I'll take two motorcycles."
In the last five years, they've come up
with this new technology with Bluetooth
in helmets, right? So you can talk to,
you know, the person you're riding with.
It's amazing. Before that, you couldn't
talk. You'd be like,
just sounding like people talking about
politics, RIGHT?
But now they got Bluetooth and you can
ride with people. It's beautiful. You're
like, whoa, look at that waterfall.
I know that's not very biker, right?
HEY, LOOK AT THAT WATERFALL.
SO, ME AND MY buddy a couple months ago,
we were in Colorado and uh we got a
couple motorcycles and we're riding
through the Colorado Rockies. It's
beautiful out there, right? And when
you're riding, sometimes you kind of
drift off cuz it's very therapeutic and
you might even talk to yourself a little
bit, right? So, we're riding and I just
hear my buddy go, "Fuck my wife. I'm the
boss.
What? What did you just say? Huh?
I go. You just said, "Fuck my wife. I'm
the boss." No, I didn't. Oh, yeah. You
definitely did.
And you are not the boss. She doesn't
even know you're on a motorcycle trip.
She thinks you're at some Civil War
reenactment.
>> [applause]
[applause]
>> So,
we get into the Elton John concert. All
right.
Now, my buddy is starting to [ __ ]
peak very hard on the mushrooms. I don't
know where our seats are because the
tickets were a gift. The usher is
walking us down. He's holding my buddy's
hand. I'm holding his hand. It looks
like a bad threesome going on. And as
we're walking, my buddy's just going,
"Fuck,
fuck."
Now, to my surprise, our seats were
front row, dead center. It was
unbelievable. We sit down, right? I get
my buddy sit down. I'm fired up. I'm
ready to see Elton John, right? Curtain
opens up. Elton comes out. It is
spectacular. He's got three or four
capes on. There's small dogs everywhere.
He's wear he's wearing like a small
crown.
It looks like the Pirates of the
Caribbean, right? His piano's just
floating across the stage. I am [ __ ]
in I can't even believe it, right? I'm
like, this is amazing. Two songs in, my
buddy jumps up. He goes, I got to get
the [ __ ] out of here.
Elton even noticed. He's like, and I I
look at Elton. I'm like, mushrooms.
And my buddy goes, "No, my back's
killing me.
[applause]
[cheering]
Thank [cheering] you.
>> [cheering]
[music]
>> in my re [music and singing]
mirror.
It was you
seeing things much clearer. [music]
Not feel
now. Memories still remember.
So broken hearts still remain
[music and singing]
downtown. I remember [music]
seeing a woman
carrying a broken heart.
There's a man on the highway rolling
[music] sideways
all along.
There's a man
on the highway
rolling sideways [music]
all [singing] along.
There's a man on the highway rolling
sideways
all along.
[music]
alone.
Alone. Yeah.