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5836 Part 1 Stand Up Special - I've Waited 15 Years For This

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In this stand-up special set in Tennessee after a fifteen-year hiatus from performing comedy specials, Dean Delray opens with high energy and humorous observations about his surroundings. He contrasts the friendly atmosphere of the South with what he perceives as increasing hostility on the road elsewhere, jokingly recounting an encounter where someone assumed he was gay simply because it is warm enough in California to be outdoors. The comedian quickly pivots from social commentary to a series of absurd and satirical policy proposals for his hypothetical presidential campaign, suggesting draconian measures such as banning gas purchases for anyone over thirty or requiring headboards on beds before allowing citizens to vote. Delray then shifts his focus toward the culture wars and the phenomenon of "canceling," using Charlie Brown from *Peanuts* as a primary example of what he views as excessive political correctness gone wrong. He mocks a woman who claimed that seating Franklin, a black character introduced in 1973, separately at Thanksgiving was racist while ignoring the show's progressive inclusion of other minorities and LGBTQ+ themes like Peppermint Patty. Instead of celebrating this historical context, Delray argues that modern audiences would only see bullying if Charlie Brown were alive today, jokingly suggesting he might become a school shooter due to constant criticism—a joke that later prompts an audience member to claim offense over the insensitive nature of the punchline. The performance continues with dark humor regarding serial killers and real estate markets in Los Angeles, where Delray ironically suggests bringing one back into circulation to drive down property values for those who can afford million-dollar condos while encouraging renters to clap along. He also touches on his recent viewing experience of *Dexter*, noting how quickly the horror elements became comical when watching with a friend who found the protagonist's behavior merely "weird" rather than terrifying. Throughout these segments, Delray maintains a cynical yet affectionate tone toward his audience and current societal trends, blending shock value with self-deprecating wit to keep the crowd engaged until the final moments of this first part of his special.
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[music] Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Mr. Dean Delray. [music] [cheering] [music] [cheering] >> [applause] >> YEAH. [cheering] >> Oh man, this place is insane. >> Right. Look at it, man. It's just It looks like some place where Captain Kirk would be [ __ ] a green woman, right? Just spag. [ __ ] unreal, man. Unfucking real. I've waited 15 years to do a special and no brick wall. So, [ __ ] yeah. [applause] >> I [ __ ] love it here, man. Tennessee, beautiful, beautiful place. Friendly people. I'm not used to it, right? People are like, "Yes, please. Thank you, sir." I'm like, "What the fuck?" I'm telling you, man. I travel. I've been all over America this year. It's [ __ ] hostile out there. I told this one guy I was from California. He's like, "Ah, you liberard. Just out there sucking each other's dicks." And I'm like, "Yeah, in the sunshine. I'm not even gay. It's just that nice there, right? Like 80° in February. Yeah, I'll suck a dick. PEOPLE ARE [ __ ] CRAZY. IT'S INSANE, RIGHT? THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER POLITICS. Both sides suck, you know? It's insane. Yeah. Yeah. [cheering] >> [applause] >> I WATCHED THE DEBATES. I'M LIKE, ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE DUMB. I FEEL LIKE running for president, right? And I GOT GOOD POLICIES. I GOT FRESH NEW POLICIES. My first one, if you're 30 or older and you run out of gas, death to you. You're too stupid to live on the planet. You call Triple A, they show up, you're like, "Oh, thank God you're here because [laughter] next policy. IF YOU DON'T have a headboard on your bed, you don't get to vote." Yeah. [applause] You're a [ __ ] animal. YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE JUST BLACK MARKS ON THE SHEETROCK where they've been getting hammered for years. Get a headboard. THEY'RE FREE ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY. Next policy. If you're 70 or older, you have to fight the wars. Yeah, you [ __ ] it up. Now get out there and fix it. >> [cheering] [applause] >> Well, you've been here long enough. Technically, they're in the Navy, right? They're always on those cruise ships. Just get them some weapons in between the buffet. [laughter] [cheering] I don't know what happened after CO, man. I think CO attacks some people's lungs, but most people their brains just [ __ ] stupid. Fighting and trying to take each other out, take people down, canceling people. They've run out of people to cancel. I haven't heard about that lately, but now they're going after cartoons. I saw this woman that wanted to cancel Charlie Brown. Yeah, a cartoon. What the [ __ ] I saw it on CNN, Fox for some of you. SO, I'M WATCHING THIS WOMAN. SHE'S TELLING THIS STORY. She goes, "Look, I watched the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special. They got a black character named Franklin. They invite him over for Thanksgiving and they seat him on one side of the table by himself while the Peanuts gang's on the other side. This is racist." completely ignoring how progressive this cartoon was for 1973 to have a black character and a lesbian. [laughter] See, I didn't even have to say Peppermint Patty. EVERYONE IN HERE KNEW SHE WAS lesbian with that Billy Jean King haircut and those dirty Birkenstocks. She's always trying to HIDE HIM LIKE, "GIVE ME A SMOOCH, CHUCK." HE'S LIKE, "GET OUT OF HERE. WE KNOW YOU [ __ ] MARCY. IT'S TOTALLY COOL. COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. WE'RE PROGRESSIVE HERE. Franklin's here. It's all good." I will tell you this though. I watched Charlie Brown recently as an adult, and no way could we make this in this PC era cuz all they do is bully Charlie Brown. And it's awesome, right? The whole time they're like, "You piece of [ __ ] Charlie Brown. [laughter] No one likes you, you blockhead." If Charlie Brown was around right now, he'd be a school shooter. WOW. OH, that's a great joke. [ __ ] you guys. That's a Charlie Brown school shooter joke. He definitely wouldn't be doing that cuz he's not real. I did that joke a couple nights ago in Minneapolis. A grown man stood up. He goes, "Excuse me, your words hurt me." And I go, "Ah, [ __ ] you. WORDS HURT YOU. YOU AIN'T GOING TO MAKE IT, MAN. [laughter] Can you imagine calling someone, hey, you want to go out tonight? No. Words hurt me earlier. I don't know what happened to people, but I feel like moms need to start smoking and drinking again while they're pregnant. [laughter] >> [applause] >> We haven't had a good serial killer in years. Some of you are getting this. I don't know. Some of you are like, "Can we laugh at this?" I don't. It is Sunday. I kissed a snake earlier at church. [laughter] Speaking of serial killers, I finally saw Dmer. Yeah, me and my buddy last week sat down at my house chilling on the couch watching Dmer. THIRD EPISODE IN, MY BUDDY LOOKS AT ME and goes, "This guy's kind of weird, huh? [laughter] Kind of weird. HE'S EATING A MAN. Get out of my house. WHAT KIND OF [ __ ] IS HE doing where he's watching Dmer like this guy's wacky, huh? Silly dude. I watched Dmer though, you know, and uh something hit me as I was watching it. I feel like LA could use a serial killer right now. drive these property values down. How are they going to have $2 million condos? Get a serial killer out there. I'm trying to be a homeowner. Clap your hands if you rent. [applause] Start killing. Help your neighbor out. just one or two. You know, I did that joke. A grown man stood up and he goes, "How should we do it?" The [ __ ]