Video summary
Alex Hormozi outlines three fundamental traits required to achieve any choice in a partner: getting in shape, becoming wealthy or demonstrating resource acquisition ability, and avoiding toxic behavior. He strongly emphasizes physical fitness as a non-negotiable first step for young men, arguing that time availability will never be greater than it is now. Using the principles of James Clear regarding habit formation, Hormozi suggests that if one cannot commit to working out in their current busy state, they should accept that they may never get into shape again. He believes that being at an ideal body weight and possessing normal musculature makes almost all humans attractive on a binary scale, thereby removing physical appearance as a limiting factor for dating success. The second trait involves financial status or the signal of resource acquisition potential rather than just wealth itself. Hormozi cites Professor Galloway's perspective that having money is less important than signaling the ability to gain resources; he compares this dynamic to how society views both trust fund kids and "starving artists" with high upside potential, such as Bob Dylan sleeping on a friend's couch while holding only one guitar. This concept extends beyond dating to career choices, where Hormozi references Ben Horowitz's argument that passions change over time—what excites you at twenty may not resonate by forty—and Jeff Bezos' advice to focus on what will remain constant rather than predicting future changes. Consequently, he advises seeking a partner based on core behaviors under duress and fundamental values rather than surface-level interests like fencing or specific hobbies that might evolve later in life. The third pillar is simply "don't be a dick," which Hormozi defines as avoiding any behavior that decreases the likelihood of continued interaction with a potential partner. He notes, however, that this requires alignment between one's own preferences and those of their target demographic; for instance, wanting to remain distant while seeking a forthcoming, caring woman creates an incompatible mating pool unless behaviors are adjusted or desires are re-evaluated. To manage these complexities effectively, Hormozi advocates for radical transparency early in the dating process by stating non-negotiables upfront, such as maintaining a rigorous workout routine and dedicating significant time to work. He argues that presenting a curated persona creates a discrepancy between one's baseline self and their performance, which inevitably leads to long-term relationship strain once discovered; therefore, it is better for partners to know the real person immediately so they can decide if there is compatibility without future deception. Hormozi further illustrates his approach by describing how he conducted an "intellectual equivalent of a lie detector test" with new dates by sending them Psychology Today articles and Substack posts about human nature before meeting in person. This strategy allowed him to gauge whether the other party shared his intellectual interests, which he views as essential for long-term connection given that reading and learning will likely be part of his life for decades. He concludes that while people often obsess over hundreds of minor details or "pebbles" when looking for a perfect match, one should instead focus on just three major rocks: physical health, resource potential, and good character. By accepting the reality that many surface-level traits are temporary and focusing on foundational behaviors, individuals can avoid lowering their standards unnecessarily while still finding compatible partners who align with their core identity and future trajectory.
Read the full video transcript
How to get a top tier goal. Oh god, did
I say this? Is this mine? Yes. Yes, it
I'm sorry. It is. How to get a top tier
goal. Number one, get in shape. Yeah.
Number two, get rich. Number three,
don't be a dick. Pretty good advice.
So, the second one, so get in shape. Uh,
I highly recommend like the first thing
you like strongly strongly strong
recommend for young guys like for the
love of God get in shape. Uh, it's it'll
never be easier. You'll never have more
time. I had one of my sales guys who I
said, "Dude, I don't see you at the
gym." And he said, "You know, I'm just
really busy." And I just like looked at
him and I was like, "You will never have
more time and less responsibility than
you do now." So, I kind of used the
James Clear thing. I said, "Hey, if you
can't make it work now, accept that
you're never going to be in shape for
the rest of your life." He was like,
"Whoa." I was like, "Think about it. Rid
yourself of the design." Yeah. I was
like, "You're just never going to be in
shape." He was like, "Well, I mean, I
was like, right. So, do it or don't, but
stop wanting it." And so, uh, back to
that point. So, I think that getting in
shape just dramatically enhances the the
people that you can that you can hang
out with. Like, and I I have this belief
from humans in general. All humans at
ideal body weight and like normal levels
of musculature are almost all
attractive. Like at like a one or zero
binary scale of attractive like almost
all humans are just purely physically.
And so like just don't have that be a
constraint for you. Like don't have it
be a negative at the very least. Right.
Yeah. I've got this limitation and that
limitation and another limitation. It's
like okay
you're just adding another Yeah. I think
I think Peterson said something like uh
they say they're depressed. And he's
like, "Well, you're living in your mom's
basement and you're unemployed." He's
like, "You didn't give yourself a
chance." Now, if you're in shape, you're
rich, you do all these, you're you've
achieved whatever you've achieved.
Doesn't have to be rich, but you've
achieved whatever you want to achieve.
If you're still depressed, then we can
talk about it. But until then, you
haven't even given yourself a shot. I
can't find girls. Well, are you any of
these basic things? No. Well, then do
that first. The rich thing is more I
mean, obviously for me, um I think uh
Professor G. Galloway um said this, it's
it's more about the signal that you have
the ability to gain resources more than
having them. And so like if you think
about trust fund kid now there is the
element of having money which does for
sure there are girls who just want the
money but if you compare that to the
young hungry guy I don't know if they
win in a headto head right and so it's
the same reason that the starving artist
sleeping on his friend's couch but who's
got lots of upside potential is
attractive. Yeah. It's like but he
[ __ ] has one guitar and a pair of
boots to his name. Like, how is that?
Well, yeah, but so did Dylan. Look at
look at the predictors that I'm seeing
here. Look at the [ __ ] early onset
alarm warnings of something potentially
great in this future. Yeah. So, uh, get
in shape. Signal that you are ambitious
and that you plan on pursuing whatever
it is that you're going after. And then
finally, it's just don't be a jerk.
Like, I'm not saying you have to be
like, you know, the world's sweetest
whatever, but just don't be a dick. If
you do those three things, like you'll
be able to get whatever whatever girls
you want. What does don't be a dick
consist of? Great question. So, it would
probably be the behaviors that um
so that is a bucketed term for many
behaviors underneath of it. Um that
basically would just decrease the
likelihood that a girl would want to
continue to fraternize with you.
Uh but like you know specifically like
and I think that'll also depend on the
girl to be real. Um so girls might
prefer this. So whatever your target
girl is, she probably has a bucket of
behaviors. Now that's different than do
what she wants. Very different. It's is
there something that is non- negative to
me that is beneficial to her. Do as many
of those things as you can. Mhm. Mhm.
It's interesting as well that
it probably means you need to ensure
that the kind of girl that you want to
be with Mhm. and the kind of behavior
that you want to have around her will
often align because those two things
might not. You might want to be a really
distant I'm just going to work on myself
kind of guy, but you might want a very
forthcoming, very caring sort of woman
and you have really reduced down your
mating pool. If those two things don't
tend to correlate, and I'm going to
guess that they don't. If you want a
really forthcoming, very caring woman,
I'm going to guess that she's going to
kind of expect that sort of interaction
in reverse. And if you're not prepared
to give that, it's like rid yourself of
the desire or you're going to have to
change your preferences or you're going
to have to change your behavior. One of
the two. Worth bringing up early if you
are on this like, you know, I would like
to find somebody train. This is
something that worked exceptionally
well. Um, which is I and I think our
first or second date, I just said
upfront all the non-negotiables that I
had. Um, which to be fair, this isn't
the like red flags whatever thing. It's
just like I work a lot. I will not
sacrifice that. If that is a problem,
then this will not work and that is
okay. I just want to be upfront that
these are these are the thing like I
work out. I will do that. I'm not going
to give that up. I will not give that up
for anyone. Um, and so like just stating
those things and I would say like
because people have this like they want
to put on a show, right? They peacock.
they they have to do the mating dance
and I have to, you know, present myself
in a way that's different than I
currently am. But I would say over time,
the less you can make the discrepancy
between how you're quote acting or
performing and who you are at baseline
for that person, the better it's going
to be long term because they're going to
find out eventually. And so they might
as well find out upfront and then you
can just say triage. I've said this a
bunch of times, but I went through a
breakup at the start of last year was
three and a half year relationship and I
was like, "Okay, I'm back in the dating
world." very different world, very
different person, very different
environment, so on. Uh, and I did the
sort of intellectual equivalent of a
[ __ ] test, which was early on I would
start sending them Psychology Today
articles and weird Substack posts and
stuff just to see, huh, are we going to
have at some point when we next catch
up? Are we going to have a discussion
about this? Because this is the sort of
thing that's interesting to me. And I
don't see this going away, at least for
a little while. I imagine the next
decade of my life and maybe for the rest
of my life I'm going to be reading stuff
and learning about human nature and I
think it's important to me to be able to
talk about this with my person.
This is really good.
So what you just said reminded me of um
a speech that u Horowitz gave Ben
Horowitz
and he talked about not pursuing your
passion um as a career choice. And one
of the main arguments that he makes is
that your passions will change. He said
the things when you're you were really
passionate when you're 20 are be the
things that you're passionate when
you're 40. And
to to link that to something that Jeff
Bezos talks about, which is when they
asked um hey, you know, what do you
think the future of Amazon is going to
look like? He said people always want to
know what is going to change. He said, I
think it's far more valuable to think
what is not going to change. And I think
that if you're trying to find a mate,
you really want to find the fewest
common denominators. like what things
will not change about me over a long
period of time. If you happen to be in a
stint that you're really into fencing or
whatever, that may change. And I think
that's where like in some ways it lowers
the bar for the quote perfect match
because trying to find the perfect match
today versus that same match 50 years
from now virtually impossible. And so if
we accept that many of the things that
are surface level today are going to
disappear on a on a longer time horizon,
then there's only going to be the few
things that actually matter, which are
going to be what are what are the
behaviors under duress, right? What are
the core things about myself and my
behavior set that uh I find it unlikely
that will change over a long time
horizon. What are the things that are
predictive of the things that end up
manifesting? Like what is it that
underpins this? What are the
foundations? And so I think that if you
can and it's probably just a handful of
big rocks rather than hundreds of
pebbles. And so when when girls have the
and guys too, right, have the big list
of like the hundred things that I I can
never have, it's like you probably
should have three that you must
and then kind of ignore the rest because
that's that's the that's the game. We'll
get back to talking to Alex in just one
second, but first I need to tell you
about element. If you often feel tired,
you might not need more sleep. You might
not need more caffeine. You might just
be dehydrated. Proper hydration isn't
about drinking sufficient water. It's
about having enough electrolytes to
allow your body to properly absorb those
fluids. Element contains a sciencebacked
electrolyte ratio of sodium, potassium,
and magnesium with no sugar, no
coloring, no artificial ingredients, or
any other BS. It plays a critical role
in reducing muscle cramps and fatigue
while optimizing brain health and
curbing cravings. That's why it's used
by everyone from Dr. Andrew Hubman to
Dr. Mike Israel and Olympic athletes and
FBI sniper teams as well. This orange
flavor, this orange flavor here in a
cold glass of water is how I've started
my morning every single day for over 3
years now. And they have a no questions
asked refund policy. So if you don't
like it for any reason, they'll just
give you your money back and you don't
even need to return the box. That's how
confident they are that you love it.
Plus, they offer free shipping in the
US. Right now, you can get a free sample
pack of Element's most popular flavors
with your first purchase by going to the
link in the description below or heading
to drinklnt.com/modern
wisdom. That's drinklnt.com/modern
wisdom.
Thank you very much for tuning in. Oo,
beefy Alex Homozy clip there. How about
the full meal available right here? Go
on. I have to come up with novel stuff
to get you to click on things.