2.25M Q&A - The Manosphere, Mike Israetel & Overcoming Insecurities

we're doing it woo okay all right all right all right 3 hours sleep one Starbucks sandwich let's go all right on Christopher what's happening people welcome back to the show it is a 2.25 million subscriber Q&A episode as you can tell I'm not in my usual recording setup I'm here in Boseman Montana and I wish that I could tell you that there was a beautiful Vista of sheep grazing and and and cows chilling out and mountains uh but it's a building site and there's some mountains in the distance I've also had to Cobble together this by stealing an office chair from the conference room and a table from The Breakfast room in the Hilton here in Boseman so I'm not going to be there when this goes live say what I want anyway I asked for questions on Instagram and Twitter and YouTube community and we got tons lots of them were very similar the guys tried to compile them so that they're chunked together and there are many so let's get into it first off Quincy o oang can you share a time when you realize that worrying less actually led to better results um I would struggle to think of a time when worrying more led to better results I understand that we can sometimes have this sort of implicit assumption that our performance perance is fueled by our worry somehow that it helps us to pay attention in ways it uh focuses us focuses our um precision and ensures that things don't get missed uh but I am really struggling to think of a time when worrying led to better results can lead to small increases in performance but results probably include more than just what was the outcome it's also what was the experience of doing it like how did I appear and when you think about what how does worrying make you feel when it comes to performing or trying to achieve results you're all up tight this sort of very hard grippy sort of tense uh sensation mentally in your body and I mean even Excel professional Excel people accountants and coders they will probably not want to grip tightly onto things they will probably want to try and find flow I would imagine so I think finding ease and Grace is always going to be better than worrying your way through things that being said I'm patient zero for worrying an awful lot and uh one of the first times that I can think that I did it on the show was with Robert Green so I massively respect him and he's this big intellectual Powerhouse and who the [ __ ] am I uh I'm just some ex club promoter and it was episode 30 I think uh it's a super early and um I just overprepared and sort of thought myself into this awful like washing machine Cyclone of of overthinking and uh it really wasn't it wasn't my best performance and I was really disappointed because I I loved Robert and I I wanted to put on a good show for him and I'm sure if you go back and listen to it you probably can't even notice but I know how good I could have been and uh that was exclusively due to worry I was worried that I wasn't going to be good enough and I turned up on the episode and underperformed and then castigated myself for worrying so much that I'd caused myself to underperform and this is how you know bad spirals of performance the The Yips or I don't know what you call it in America basically when someone a sportsman is having a bad run of form and they can't get themselves out of it that is this that is worry begetting more worry leading to poorer performance I don't think that worrying helps and I messed up in front of Robert Green Kevin Artois my insecurity of being in I and incompetent is my greatest source of fuel is this toxic that is a very good question and I think that it is very powerful at giving you activation energy to get started at doing something and I think that that should not be overlooked or undervalued I think that there is great benefit to be had if you are stuck in region beta some Comfortably Numb flow floing through life existence and you need a match stick lighting underneath your [ __ ] so that you actually go out and do something this fear of being inferior and incompetent this insecurity that you have uh using that as fuel just use what you have if you've got resentment and bitterness and shame use it because that it is so hard going from zero to one so difficult but once you've started moving you can use other sources of fuel it's kind of like when you think about a booster rocket taking off and they have multiple uh ejectable fuel sources as they go and they use different fuel sources at different stages as they go up through the launch sequence I think it's kind of like that um where it does get toxic is when you use it for a long time and the reason for that in my opinion is that it makes you very easy to manipulate very predictable uh it makes you over uh index on the opinions of other people on the way that your performance has shown up in comparison with others as opposed to it being yourself it's a very externalized uh locus of control seeking a lot of validation uh from the world as opposed to from how you've performed yourself and the reason it makes you fragile makes you fragile and um the easy to manipulate and and uh easy to predict thing is just that everybody is always going to know this isn't you don't need an enemy who's like trying to snipe you with your particular weakness for this to be a problem but you are always going to encounter the same problems and they're often going to come from overly relying on the opinions of other people from trying to compete where you don't necessarily need to uh from never patting yourself on the back or feeling like you've done a good job because you've got this insecurity of incompetence which means you're always looking for the incompetence not the competence and I'm saying this as someone who you know a big insecurity of being inferior and incompetent that's that's played a role in my life so um use it in the beginning but realize that it is not there to stay it had a role the same as the chip on your shoulder from the kids that bullied you in school or whatever it is um it's useful to get you started but it's don't keep using it longterm that would be my advice Colby thickness 8828 will you do an honorary sh on stage in Australia for the people look I am a visitor to your great nation which we used to own and I will appropriate your culture as required who am I to say no to the Australian people in their favorite Pursuit uh for the people that don't know I'm doing a live show I'm doing a series of live shows a live tour in Australia you can check out the dates and the shows I'm going to Brisbane and Melbourne and Sydney you can get tickets for that at Chris williams. live Australia and I will do a shoey I would quite like to do one of newtonic because the new America flavors are amazing but it's going to be 10 p.m. at night when I finish the show or 11: p.m. so maybe not dcx1 please quickly revisit some techniques for coming out of Monk mode after Powerhouse work for a year it's time to reintegrate back into society any tips great question so I did a big chunk about monk mode a few q&as ago and for the people quick recap monk mode is a focused period of isolation introspection and Improvement often a lot of going to the gym uh reading mindfulness maybe some therapy uh and it's just you really dialing in just on yourself without distractions of a social calendar without having to adhere to uh expectations of other people all that much and one of the problems with monk mode is that it allows people who are a little bit more introverted by nature to feel Noble in their isolation and this can be very tempting because it has turned what previously you may have seen as something that you're a little bit ashamed of or something that you needed to work on your desire to not go out and see people or spend so much time outside of the house with others uh into a personal development strategy and this can create a feedback loop where after a while monk mode becomes so adct addicting it's hard to get out of it the purpose of Monk mode is to do a focus period isolation introspection Improvement so that you then become a functional more functional more competent member of society not so that you just do monk mode to be better at monk mode and reintegrating is difficult so tips to reintegrate back in and this would be the same I mean we could have done this after covid uh but I would say first off go to places where there are the purpose of the event or the suit has a social Dynamic baked into it so I'm thinking CrossFit class uh improv uh salsa dancing pickle ball uh any group type activity ideally co-ed because you're going to need to speak to both men and women and if you do it in a low stakes environment where you're not asking for their number they just need you to kick the ball in their direction or whatever it is that you're doing uh that's good and I think it it helps to kind of create a frame and a vessel within which you can do your oh I um Hello nice to meet you my name is dcx1 I would like to be friend you know it's it's just way easier it's it's less of a big deal uh second thing I would when you start to move into one-on ones with people uh spending time with friends uh going out on dates I would purposefully start with people that make it feel as easy as possible to be yourself around them I think about reintegrating socially as kind of like having a perfect um Garden of snow you some Snow's falling overnight you come out on the morning and there's no track marks in it at all you almost have a a very pure un molested environment for you to begin your social uh your new social habits so maybe some of the more suboptimal social habits that you had before you'll have been able to get rid of a little bit and kind of start a fresh it's like shaking the eter sketch because some of the habits have dropped away because you simply haven't been that social so the problem is if you begin to spend time around people who don't you don't feel comfortable being yourself around the issue with that is that those may become your new habits and I think that habit setting is greatest in the beginning so I think you want to find time around who are the people that I want to be like people that are honest and truthful and comfortable in their own skin they've got a mission they know where they're going they're having fun while they're going there they thought you know those are the things be around the people that you want to be like and that you can be yourself around too which is a nice balance and I think that's it groups group activities where socializing is built in and then when you move on to one-on ones be with people where silence and being yourself feels comfortable I think that'll help MJ bang 3r how would you describe your most challenging chapter how was it an inflection point for growth oh um so I had one that I sort of often talk about which was the end of my 20s I've had tons I'm very very good at making a big deal out of everything uh for myself um the last 18 months has probably been close to it it's definitely going to rank in my top three and that's been because of a lot of increase in attention and opportunity and offers and a change in the way that you know uh the world sees me in some ways which is so [ __ ] wanky to say like how up you're onast you need to be to say that but people treat seem to treat me a little bit differently than they used to and that's been uh that coupled with a ton of attention and offers and it's all very flattering and charming and all the rest of it uh it's just been it's been difficult and that lay it on top with the show 10 Xing in two years which is what it did or is continuing to do uh has just resulted in an awful lot of um work and uh operational [ __ ] I don't really talk about this all that much because I feel like showing how the sausage gets made is kind of uncool um so but behind the scenes lots and lots of changes and team growth and you know I moved out to Austin and had a Mormon assistant in the UK and Dean and now there's all of these people and there's Steals and there's neutronic there's energy drink and there's Al all this other stuff going on and I have to spin these plates live shows book deal Partners big episode Brett Cooper's coming through Jordan Peterson in town it's been a lot uh and it's been an inflection point for growth because it's really shown me that during the period of time where I've achieved the greatest success that I've ever had there's been things that I've been missing and it's reminded me I think it's recentered me on is that I want which is not just success and and growth at any cost it's to enjoy the process and this is why I'm kind of in this like super cook mode [ __ ] will bararan maxing thing where I'm trying to find a way to transcend and include my desire to do well and also enjoy the process so that's why I'm talking about that a lot at the moment because it's sort of personal to me so yeah uh leaving Club promo and then uh the last 18 months or so of the show Mor are you gay I think that Ben has put these together in a particular order no I'm not unless it is for Mike Israel he's the only man that I will be gay for the only Jew I know that has a four skin imagine he's like a shiny charizard he's like the rarest of them all divy boy where do you record why do you record your podcasts while standing don't you get tired in the long ones hm not really um for the people that don't know all of my virtual studios for probably four years now have been at a standing desk uh I don't feel that much more tired I actually feel more focused I'm sat in this seat at the moment which I've stolen from the conference room down the hall uh I don't like it I don't like sitting down I always shifting around um bit of a fidgety person when I'm trying to think I often like twirl a pen in my hands you'll have seen this on the episodes at pouch six I'll be twirling a pen between my fingers uh I don't get tired um I think if you have tried to do content creation and struggled because of focus or uh just feeling a little bit inside up up in your own head by standing desk pivot to that made a massive difference to me because any of the um sort of additional discomfort that I needed to blow off or any of the energy that I needed to get rid of super easy when you're standing up super easy loot jn8 do you think a buzzcut is a sign of confidence uh yeah in some ways definitely is on a woman um it's a sign of confidence in your hairline because there's no hiding it if this sucker is moving back there is absolutely no hiding it I'm getting to the age now 36 where some of my friends are really starting to go thin on top not you know oh that's a little bit wispier than it was last year but real receding thing like that's going to have to come off within 5 years or you're going to look really really silly so yeah I do think it's a sign of confidence I'm very Pro buzzcut I went through every hairstyle in history I had a huge afro uh for all my club promoting career and then 24 25 got rid of it and had sort of curly hair on top until covid go back look at the First episodes I've got tons of hair and very Pro buzzcut Kevin dice congratulations thank you now that you've become firmly lumped into the manosphere category are you anticipating a coordinated attack on your show/ self by the same mainstream media types who tried to cut down Andrew huberman yeah I think it's in the post it's in the post for everybody it doesn't matter who you are whether you're Rogan or J Shetty or true Jordy or Andrew huberman or you know Andrew Schulz like everybody's got it coming and the way that I see it more and more now is that mainstream media is struggling for clicks Independent Media is swimming in clicks one of the ways that mainstream media can claw some of that back is by making their content about our content or about us so it is a wonderful way for people who are in a dying boring lame industry to try and capture some more attention uh so yeah uh you know I'm I'm not looking forward to it uh I don't have a PR crisis team if you do PR in crisis and you want to just be my ejector seat button in case I need to call you then feel free to reach out but uh it'll happen it'll happen at some point and I guess I'll see what I'm made of when it does and I've got Andrew hub's number so I can just ring him and ask him what he did uh D ven Devon are you and Mike isrel related you all look alike LMAO what do you mean you all me and Mike or are you lumping Us in with some broader group of people uh we both have four skins very which so there's one thing that we have in common beyond that I don't think that you could have found two more dissimilar looking people if you tried Mike has a uniquely shaped head which I love but you need to have a very serious mental health condition to think that we look even remotely similar unless this is a your white boys all look the same thing in which case yeah we do Andrea Todd 5295 question this is probably a really stupid question I live in the UK Manchester and whenever I I come across a Brit who has moved to America my first thought is how does their Wildlife affect your mental state and well-being I would always be paranoid about snakes and spiders or being followed home by an alligator so my question is do you ever think about it when you're putting on shoes or walking past a lake that is the most Charming question that I think I've ever had that is so lovely uh no I haven't thought that um I guess Texas has got some snakes but you know if you're living in a suburban area yeah what you really should be worried about is if you go to somewhere like uh uh Tennessee and you're in the Smoky Mountains and you're in the suburbs and there's Bears black bears will come through and stuff um but no I haven't uh I'm I'm Blown Away by just how like Charming that that question was uh no I haven't I maybe I should what if I get followed home by an alligator my God uh but no I that's not something that I've been worried about to only Lee to ton Lee how long did it take you before you started earning money from your online business I guess you mean the podcast because newtonic is just a uh big laundry machine where money goes in and cans come out but just more cans come out no money ever comes out of it um so going to guess you mean the show it was year four the start of year four uh we're going six and a half years and the first three years we made no money at all um so I mean we we generated Revenue but it was less than the costs that we had so we were net negative uh I think typically the way that it seems is that most podcasts around about episode 150 uh start making money and you can get through three a week in a year or you can get through one a week in three years uh but unless you have you know an ex big platform or you're super talented in the beginning which I certainly wasn't uh it's going to take a little while so yeah I you know it may look all glamorous uh from the outside but uh this was a long SLO of absolutely nothing happening for a very long time especially from a money perspective chaa boom five have your lucks ever gotten in the way of anything you wanted to do in life or has it all been beneficial have you ever used your Lux to benefit yourself in a knowingly unscrupulous manner oh well it's a very difficult question to answer because no one wants to hear a moderately allright looking person talk about the downsides of being moderately allright looking and also I've been thinking about this recently I feel an unbelievably bad Niche I'm nowhere near smart enough to be a smart person's smart person and I'm not good-looking enough to be a good looking person's good-looking person so I'm like the smart person's handsome guy or the good-look person's smart dude um which I think might be the worst position to be in but there are assumptions and ideas that people have about what you've got to add and your worth and all the rest of it I would be lying if I said that the way that I look hasn't been uh a benefit to me you know I can [ __ ] flut my eyelashes and some server will be fine at giving us a table or Tred to turn on the charm unfortunately the guy wasn't gay today uh maybe if it was Mike isrel it would have been fine uh tried to turn on the charm but I I managed to just like sneak this table out um it gets in the way it does get in the way sometimes but the benefits far exceed the challenges and you know this is the rich guy talking about how painful it is to manage his money uh I can't really say that have you ever used my Lux to benefit myself in a knowingly unscrupulous manner so this is me being in this sort of perfect goalie loock zone of handsome enough to not get the benefit of being ugly but nowhere near handsome enough to actually be able to achieve anything like that drastic I think the most I ever got paid to do modeling was like five five grand for a shoot uh which is piddling numbers compared with most other models and my average day rate rate I think was about2 200 or 250 quid that five grand thing was a one-off and it was the only time I ever did it no uh I try and get into the front of cues with things I you know put a little SM on and like this disgusting I'd probably feel sick if I saw myself doing this like trying to get the air hostess to like give me an extra set of biscuits or something like that like you're flirting with someone's grandmother grow up uh but it works and here I am one Lotus Biscoff better off because of my Lux that's it Matt sadinski how did you know you were providing valuable content to your viewers when starting out because it was valuable to me and I have always been the target audience for this show it's never been for anybody else it's always just been for me and when I start to forget that when I do forget that when I get distracted when I start to think about what you guys want I don't know who you are I've met an increasing number of you at the live shows and I've heard from tens of thousands of you over email and DM and stuff but I can only ever do the show for me and if I find it valuable myself I can be confident in knowing that there is some good majority of people that will also find it valuable too so it's just been if it's valuable to me'll probably be valuable to someone else as well jacarius 100 hours or casually dressed now this is a good question I'm a big fan of Funeral For A Friend uh they were the one of the first bands I ever got to see live I think they might be from Middlesboro which is where I'm from uh casually dressed and deep in conversation uh is a phenomenal album God 2003 maybe earlier maybe earlier maybe 20 2003 2004 fantastic that but ours is also great uh drag feet loving the new Vlogs thank you what's your plan with those going forward don't have a plan I'm quite bad at having a plan um don't have a plan just keep doing them uh I do not feel comfortable doing Vlogs certainly not the face to camera style thing uh I'm much more comfortable with a structured conversation about a topic uh as opposed to free flowing and I think a big part of it is a fear that I'm not that interesting when I'm not adding purposefully trying to add value through coming up with ideas or or making dick jokes or something so but you guys seem to love it uh which is really lovely actually and the comments on the Vlog are very very um heartfelt and I I like it so just keep doing them Max the dude that we've got that is uh doing the film making for it is just so great I've wanted to work with him from before the time that I moved to Austin I feel so grateful that I managed to get the guy that I wanted I love his shooting style it's so simple and strip back but it's still beautiful uh so just keep doing it keep doing the same definitely more training series uh I'll be doing something with seum we'll be doing something with George Heaton uh we'll be doing something with hom will be doing maybe something with huberman uh kind of tempted to just do them all in the gym because that makes it easier but then that's also not that varied so I'm open to ideas you got ideas let me know what you want to see 56 t uh you said you're creating a product with Mike isrel can you tell us anymore love the episodes you do together thank you oh I want to tell you so bad but no I I you'll it'll be done before the end of the year and I was excited for new tonic but this is so good it's beyond world changing what we're trying to do and it may fall flat on its face and it may be a colossal waste of time and money and effort but it's a big swing for the fences and it's just going to be so cool so I can't wait I cannot wait to release this Mike how can I say this without [ __ ] giving away what it is Mike rang me after the weekend where he had um used the thing that we are developing and could not show up talking about how amazing it is and he is not an easy man to impress ask his wife Mama 777 sometimes your titles Verge on being more clickbaity than I'd like I know there's way worse culprits than you but I hope you consider rectifying this as the show grows more I appreciate the input uh it's something that we work hard on all the time to find this balance um I agree I think that there are way way worse culprits you know there are many many many circles of hell of of clickbait that you can go through um but when the rest of the market moves in that direction it is very hard to fight for clicks and eyeballs if you remain more standoffish but one of the things and the strategists the guys Chase and Luke and jod the guys that do strategy and copyrighting for me they if I let them loose and said oh you've got free run you can do whatever you want everything would look so much different and often they have to sacrifice performance because I'm saying sorry I I I don't feel happy with that wording it feels too uh outrageous and and clickbaity so yeah we're just I am making a purpose ful effort to be more positive in the titles uh you know a lot of the conversations are easy to frame as uh the problem with modern feminism why does no one trust the media anymore you know but they're just so negative and uh even if they describe the episode correctly uh the episode often has a positive skew on it so we're really working hard to try and come up with a way to drive clicks uh be positive and also sort of maintain that level of uh intellectual respect I think for you guys um my point being if you just [ __ ] clicked on the videos more I wouldn't need to do anything fancy with the thumbnails of the titles so really your fault uh but I appreciate the question and uh I think that you are right and it is also something that we are working on Andrea Mew when you put your shoes and socks on do you put both socks on first followed by both shoes or do you put one sock on then one shoe then the next sock and then the next shoe I don't know anybody that does the second thing and I'm pretty sure that's like an early signing of having a stroke or being a war criminal or something if you do that other one it's got to be who the [ __ ] puts one sock on and then one shoe and then the next sock so you've got one shoe and sock on with a bare fooot on the other side no thank you moving on Tim D Simons hi Chris you've spoken recently about going through a tough time how are you doing thank you uh yes I've been I haven't spoken about this yet we'll release a vlog actually maybe an accompanying podcast about it some health bits that I've been grappling with I was a hot mess like a real hot mess at the start of this year and I'll explain more when I do that bit properly but uh I'm getting better which is nice and uh it's wild to have capacity taken away from you uh through you know no choice of your own very very brutal uh and if you're someone that relies a lot on your mind to get you out of difficult situations and then the very thing you have your mental capacity is one of the things that kind of gets hit it's this ruthless it feels so unfair and so vicious um but I'm all right I'm good uh this traveling around has just been so great I've been with George now for you know basically two months he was in Austin for a month and we've been traveling around for what will become a month uh at the end of next week and we went to Lake Norman and drove through Gatlinburg and then did the Fourth of July in Nashville then we flew to New Orleans and now we're in Boseman and we're seeing ludicrous at the county fair [ __ ] fcking Luda uh we're seeing him at the county fair so it's this has just been exactly what I needed so I'm glad that I'm able to step in and adjust uh life like this and I'm very fortunate to be able to do this so yeah getting that I'll be good end of this year I'll be good valon K where is that shoulder bag from that you wear in the recent vlog uh that would be uh it's over there uh it's an on it bag I think it's a on it um bum bag like you call it fanny pack in America uh and Sky my ads guy gave it to me they don't make them anymore I'm sorry but nomatic make a travel sling which is really awesome it's in black green and blue I've got it in all three colors that's great uh it doesn't fit an everyday carry in though but that fits a handgun in Nom matics I don't think does but it will fit a Kindle Oasis in just so it's a good replacement become your own best friend how do you keep track of all the quotes you share you're able to you're able to access them easily it is all Apple notes me and George and Yousef and a bunch of other friends searched and searched for yours trying to work out what is the solution is it ever note is it notion is it ulyses is it trying to find the Holy Grail of note taking apps and it was staring Us in the face the whole time I'm looking now I've got 3,13 notes that I've accumulated all in here and the reason I'm able to access them easily is just because of global search so they're not particularly well uh chunked into folders um they're not that well formatted but I can usually pick one word that need out of a quote or out of a note or out of an episode a set of notes that I've done previously or whatever it is uh and that one word will usually just bring it up uh they need a slightly more powerful Global search now especially when you're getting into the 3000s uh for notes but that's it Chris Carman 5 what t-shirts do you wear they look crisp clean and simple thanks in advance thank you for the compliment on my t-shirt so this is I think what you're going to be talking about and this is a Zara [ __ ] I'll just load it give me a second zaraa men's basic basic t-shirt [ __ ] true Classics trying to Ping Zara by jumping on okay so it's not the boxy fit t-shirt basic slim fit t-shirt Zara make sure yeah Zara basic slim fit t-shirt and I wear an XL [ __ ] I think I wear an XL uh and it comes in a ton of colors it's great I it's what I've won for a very long time highly highly recommended I can't give you a basic slim fit t-shirt it's $19 and they last forever so go and get a thousand and Zara sponsor me uh Elise g g nice are you going to do butt stuff on Thursday with me this is one of the girls from Barry's boot camp in Austin uh that message has come from Instagram so if you want to go and check out what she looks like gentlemen do your worst uh I do ass and abbs on a Thursday uh consistently and that's why are you going to do butt stuff on Thursday with me was a question I do hope that you know what you've just done to your Instagram though the fact that you asked that question put your handle out there so godp speed my lady Chris leoan hi Chris do you get a sense of Pride when an interviewee says that's a great question or I hadn't thought about it in that way before I think part of the reason you're podcast has seen so much growth is your ability to communicate so well awesome work doing the thing thank you uh yeah i' be lying if I said there wasn't a big flood of dopamine when someone that you respect compliments you on the thing that you do you know I'm I made a career out of being the most stupid person in the room of every conversation they are an expert and I am an avatar for a curious person so if I come up with something which is genuinely novel or interesting to them that's cool um one way that that can be a little bit more dangerous is that you can actually start chasing that and you can just as opposed to being nice and succinct you can always try and wow the guest with some cool story or whatever and a lot of the time that gets in the way like they're the talent I'm not the talent for most of the episodes today I'm the talent [ __ ] yeah Chris Williamson show but most of the time I'm not the talent they are right and my goal has always been find a person that I think has something interesting to say and get the best Insight out of them by creating this environment this petri dish that they can live in which is easy and comfortable and safe and and flowing and enjoyable and all of the things that you need to just set them up so uh but yeah I I I like it it's it's nice Ignacio [Music] guu absolutely fumbling the bag on names today congrats how does the medium alter the conversation you would otherwise have with the guest without the mics or camera on do you always feel present in the conversation or does it sometimes become a struggle do you ever crave raw conversation with the guest without the mics awesome Insight yes correct um unfortunately the really really big episodes that we did especially the video wall stuff uh that helped because fortunately that helped because it was immersive and as we move from conversation to conversation you actually felt like you changed some of the big shoots that I do uh can feel daunting and take me out of the moment a little bit um you know I'm looking here I'm always on the left so I can always see panning out to my right just you know [ __ ] 20 people I don't know what any of them do except for my guys uh and they're noting things down or changing cards or checking on lighting levels and stuff and it is a bit you know it's not the most intimate but uh first off I've been getting better at that secondly um when framed correctly that can make it feel like more of an occasion so you're like oh I got to get my game face on stop messing about this is I really need to lock in which is good and yeah I I'm fortunate enough to be able to uh message most of the guys if I need to have a a raw conversation without the mics on and I think the goal is to get the conversation in front of the mic to the level of ease that it would be without and continuing to chase that is a an almost limiting the amount of conversations that you have outside of that for instance uh I think human's going to come back on within the next month or so I don't want to have a conversation with him for that long before we get started because sometimes you sort of blow your load on interesting [ __ ] that you've both seen I know that the my first million pod Sean and Sam their producer doesn't let speak when they get on the call so he's in control of muting the mics and he mutes both of their mics so that they can't do exactly that and front run any of the things that they want to talk about so uh yes sometimes it feels a little bit um how would you say you know that you're having a conversation uh that's being recorded uh that being said I have enough conversations over dinner to last me a lifetime about interesting stuff that's raw uh and would totally get everybody canceled so all right Quincy oang how do you distinguish between necessary and unnecessary worries in your daily life kind of going back to the first question here that I don't know necessary worries I think it's just because of where I'm at at the moment I just I really don't like the idea I'm going to give myself a little bit more light I really don't like the idea of necessary worries I don't know what that means what would a necessary worry be it's an interesting question um maybe it's because as a perennial worrying necessity I crave to be able to relinquish that and for me any opportunity to dial that back sounds very attractive um I I would say if you are the sort of person that asks that question how do you distinguish between necessary and unnecessary worries in your daily life treating even if this isn't true factually it's true functionally treating all of your worries as un necessary is probably a good place to start and then just try and let go of as much as you can from that call camro what are you regularly saying no to that lets you say yes to the most important things well this is kind of that toughest period thing and also the lady in the red dress idea that hor mosi's got that basically as you become more successful um the things that you need to say no to are things that 18 months ago you would have begged to have had the opportunity to say yes to uh which is hard especially if you're a people pleaser especially if you've got a bit of imposter syndrome um so I'm regularly saying no to calls that don't have a defined outcome in them exploratory stuff in the beginning Partnerships with people who I can't see how this is going to work in the immediate term within the next six months also not doing any guesting haven't done I might writing saying the only show I've done this year is Rogan's and I think I maybe did five the year before so I'm I'm saying no to a lot of that because there is just so much on my plate it's disgusting and uh woe is me busy [ __ ] busy guy but uh this is what awaits you if you want to achieve any amount of Micron Niche influence of Fame what awaits you is a [ __ ] ton of emails and slack messages so get ready for that I need some more water wait there we're back in the room Luke T bets when are we sniffing Vapes next fantastic Luke is my toour manager also my book agent also in on newtonic and the thing with Mike uh whenever you want mate probably after the final show in Australia we can go and sniff Vapes Lexi joe9 from what you know slhe do men want to be approached by women at the gym Lexi let me try and explain a man's psychology to you for a moment let me mansplain a man's psychology yes always without question by any woman with a pulse permanently yes all yes every man wants to be approached by a woman at the gym guys that are in relationships guys that have got gluten intolerance guys that can't bench properly all of them would love a little bit of female attention in the gym Heidi has surrendered what degree did you do at University I did two degrees I did a master's in international marketing and a bachelor's in business management and I can't remember either of them and I was always reticent about doing a set of degrees that I didn't think really uh fulfilled me all that much I wasn't I I fell out of love with Academia within 6 months of being at University I was totally disenchanted with it but just knew that I was good at handing things in just about on time with a passable I could play the game of Academia uh I knew what the mark the markers what they [ __ ] called assessors teachers lecturers tutors uh what they wanted and I was able to submit things that got me uh good grades but I didn't learn anything and I always regretted the fact that I didn't do psychology or philosophy or something that I would have loved more and then I started the podcast and now there's 800 whatever modules of some of the best lecturers on the planet so I didn't need to L evly lyes verly present status of your aspiring trophy husband goals uh uh aspiring I guess a husband in Trophy husband in training I or whatever I'm not even in training I'm in bosan in present status is in bosan nichas shoy when did it occur to you that you were good at asking questions uh I don't know actually I guess probably year three of doing the show I was often told as a kid that I was kind of gobby loudmouthed teacher could always pick out my voice from the [ __ ] back of the room it annoyed me so much these like really naughty kids like actually naughty kids but their voice didn't carry as far as mine and M mine did so I would always be the one that got shouted at which was really irritating to me uh and I think I internalized a lesson about being talking too much and uh and not being sufficiently thoughtful in conversation maybe because of that uh so getting to start to do the show and focusing on questions really really focusing on questions was just such a great training ground for me and it was a really big confidence Builder that picked up rapidly super rapidly so I'm um I'm very glad for it but it took a while I I didn't step into this I thought it was terrible asking question I knew it was curious but I didn't think conversationally that I was good at doing it mad who Mohan ready how to get a well-defined and chiseled face what's your routine I don't know what a face routine would look like when it comes to the defined and chiseled thing my skin routine is essentially non-existent and my face routine is actually non-existent so I think it's just genetics and body fat and I think if you want a more chiseled face lose body fat and if you get down to single digits and you still don't have a chiseled face blame your parents MH hm5 CV potential partner question mark what's the holdup uh give me a break mate just got out of a relationship um well I mean the holdup is that the the breakup is the hold the breakup was the hold up I I don't know how to answer that like I should just be immediately finding chicks everywhere on the market uh maybe I'll find one in Boseman maybe there's a lovely farm girl waiting for me here in Boseman Andrew bed 9555 hey Chris congrats thank you here's my question I personally feel I'm unable to celebrate my wins in life as soon as I accomplish a goal after toiling on it for a while my brain automatically jumps to the next problem to solve or the next goal I know the key to all this is to reward myself in some shape or form yet I cannot find anything that feels like a good enough recompense anything I gift myself for my hard work seems minuscule and extremely shortlived when compared to the effort I put in to achieve Victory so much so that the positive feelings I get out of it are almost negligible and I might as well have not rewarded myself at all is there an antidote to that how do you reward yourself for the accomplishments in a way that recharges you for the next tasks ahead first off I need to compliment you on that question because that is a phenomenal question and I think it sees the challenge that many people who demand a lot of themselves sorry I've been on a flight all day so if you're an hour in and thinking why does Chris sound like he's been deep throating a guy with glass for a dick uh gay again it was Mike isrel had a forkin um it's because I've been on a flight all day and I had 5 hours sleep um so here we are and I had a Starbucks egg sausage B thing and one Lotus bis off or I flooded my eyelashes at the host house so very good question how do you reward yourself for your accomplishments in a way that recharges you for the next tasks ahead how do you not look over the shoulder of the present moment to forget the thing that you've just achieved despite the fact that what you were working toward was the achievement for a very long time and continue to sort of demand so much of yourself that you don't ever actually get to enjoy the accomplishments this is a big problem for many high performers most I don't know many people who uh perform well in life that don't have this challenge I can give you all of the py hard things are hard that's why they're hard Alex hosy quotes or [ __ ] that I've come up with but trying to get a bit more tactical because I think that would be more useful celebrating wins with other people seems to break this pattern quite well so one of the things that we're trying to do with the show is we hit different Milestones 1 million 2 million Etc is to go on little trips to have a call with Dean to to you know do something that instantiates the occasion and I think doing it with other people also telling other people as well telling the people around you in your life um this is something I want to work on I want to be more grateful and uh sink into my victories as much as I can will you help me I mean what a great gift to give your friends to say I'll I'll like give you the money or I'll come up with the thing like just tag along tag along and tell me well done I think that it it sounds contrived it sounds like oh but you've planned it and you know you're telling your friends to come along and you know do they really want to be there as you congratulate yourself yeah they do your friends do want to be there at each different one of your wins in life and if they don't they're not your friends and they can go [ __ ] themselves good friends will always be there to say dude so [ __ ] happy for you with that job raise that career change that new house that whatever it is that you're doing body fat percentage you've got to uh they'll be there so using experiences and celebrating wins especially with other people seems to go very well um rewarding yourself in a way that recharges you for the tasks ahead is a little bit more difficult because you're going to have built up this habit over time this sort of fervent energy that you have used to get yourself to the stage where you've actually accomplished things and then you need to somehow say you know that thing that you were just doing obsessively turn that off because now it's like pat yourself on the back time that's not the way it works at least not in my experience um what I've done myself this is part of what I'm doing just had this crazy tear on the show we did one Cinema episode every single Monday for 7 and a half months and we were supposed to do we were intending on doing six a year and we did like 28 in seven months something even even more we did we did two a week during Christmas I think for a couple of weeks so this for me is very much what you're talking about so uh I got a friend who loves to celebrate things George and we decided to put a trip together and I'm still working and doing stuff but I'm going to go back I already am feeling recharged so doing it in little ways with other people not on your own experiences rather than possessions positive reinforcement and celebration those are the things they're the things that have worked for me and dude I feel you I think many people in the audience really really get to the challenge that you're facing but to get py for a second a tiny bit of a mindset shift might be a smart idea too why are you doing all of these things and accomplishing anything if it isn't for you to be able to enjoy them I mean the gold standard is for you to enjoy the process and the accomplishment but if you kill yourself during the process and the accomplishment is so shortlived that you're already onto the process of the next thing immediately you will reach a point where you ask yourself what am I doing here and trying to front run that as much as possible you are here to enjoy the things that you do especially if you're achieving things it sounds like you're absolutely crushing it and whatever it is that you do God [ __ ] you have to give yourself some credit you have to be able to find a way to enjoy this uh so asking yourself a question what would this be like if it was more enjoyable just what would just ask yourself that question and see what comes up what would the pursuit and the accomplishment be like if it was a little bit more enjoyable because for me I would be traveling around America with a friend I would be giving myself a little bit of a break on a morning and having time that's just for me that's not for answering emails or dealing with slack or or or prepping for a guest or doing whatever it would be for me that would be enjoyable uh so that's a good que and I appreciate the question awesome Thomas Williams Williams 4085 what Clipper length is your hair do so this is a uh two two and a half so two on the sides and two and a half on the top actually going down to a one and a half and a two now because I can't be asked going into the barers every three weeks but I think that if you've got the hair to pull it off two two and a half looks great but it will grow out especially if your hair grows quickly within 3 weeks it'll be too long so one and a half two or two two and a half is the way to go Harry C 8433 I feel way too passive after getting rid of a large chunk of my ego how can I build it back a bit feel like it took away my confidence love the Pod dude what an awesome Insight that is fantastic and I might write about that in a newsletter shamelessly repurpose it into a newsletter I think that's so good I absolutely felt and probably still have felt a lot of this over the last six years many people may say that I'm full of ego and the internet may be right but holy [ __ ] if you'd seen me in my 20s uh a lot of the mindfulness and gratitude that I did um really and and um learning to be more learning to kind of embody my uh sensitivity a little bit more really made a massive difference to the ego that I had before and it did take a huge chunk out of my confidence which I'm still building back so I feel you on this one uh the things that I've done to do this is to realize that confidence built around ego isn't true confidence you didn't necessarily have you had blind confidence previously and I think that it may take longer for you to build this back but when you have it it will be from a place of genuine rock solid foundation it will be built on you knowing who you are and having justification in your confidence as opposed to you being a young dude that's young dumb full of [ __ ] testosterone and made of rubber and Magic bouncing through life with kind of an assumptive confidence um also maybe the price that you need to pay to get rid of some of your ego to have more equinity to be more mindful to be a better friend to be more sensitive maybe the price that you needed to pay for that was to lose some confidence and an interesting question to ask yourself would be is that a price that you would have paid if you could have gone if you answer it and say if I could go back I wouldn't have done that you need to really really work hard to build it back up if the answer is that you're glad that it happened okay let's start from a place of positivity you're happy that this happened that's something that was good I think that that's probably something that was good for you to do um building up confidence James's book how to be confident is actually really really good Alex's insight about you don't become Confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror but by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are is also good and remembering as well that but if losing your ego killed your confidence I don't think what you had was confidence it was something else and you are now starting from Baseline so but it's such a wonderful that's such a great Insight I'm going to copy it over into my uh newsletter notes now actually that's such a great question so this is one thing that I love I [ __ ] love this doing doing the q&as I know that I move through the the questions very quickly but selfishly it's because I want to see as many of them as I can and get the opportunity to answer them while I speak so that's how I think best the questions that you guys come up with are the things that I struggle with and seeing questions that I've journaled about previously or ones that I felt like this is one that I felt but never actually verbalized it's so it's just so great it's so great to feel like other people see you and I think that that's what hopefully this show is to you guys me trying to learn to open up and be less of a performative artist around this is how I feel this is my history this is sort of what I'm dealing with and asking some expert about why is this this way uh but it's just seeing questions that see my condition and probably a lot of your his conditions too I think is just [ __ ] great so Bravo Harry uh bit by bit continue to do things that are undeniable stacks of proof and realize that what you had before wasn't wasn't confidence I don't think Isaac mango when are you going to get philosopher Tim Dylan on your podcast been here since 97k wow well thank you for being here for so long I am going to LA in a couple of weeks and Tim is in LA and if our schedules align very well maybe on the show Juan granados what are you wildly insecure about even if it's not true [ __ ] good question well the problem with wild insecurities is that your ability to assess their veracity is usually terrible um most of the things that you're wildly insec hear about you have no idea if it's false um for me still Lots around wanting to be respected and liked and a fear of being left out of things and this sort of permanent sense of being on the outside and observing what's going on not in it I'm I'm an observer I'm an Orbiter I'm an out outside participant in many things and I I think this is a big carryover from when I was a kid and that certainly was my experience in school uh and even in sport you know even in the sports that my chosen sport which was cricket which I was very very good at uh even that I didn't feel like anybody had my back I wasn't part of a group or a tribe um I didn't have a squad of of friends uh and only child thing obviously doesn't help because I guess you kind of if you've got brothers and sisters I don't know how that works um but if you've got brothers and sisters I suppose you kind of have to have their back at least for a while until you're old enough to be able to say I'm done with you you're a dick so a lot of it comes up around that uh still worthiness and sort of being good enough you know I have this I've had this strange ambient sense for maybe the last year that someone's mad at me and I don't know why and I don't know who and I don't know what about but just you know you know what I mean you've done something wrong and that someone's mad at you so that's been there and then patting myself on the back about things that I've done well also insecure about was that how good was that was that good enough it was was it the best that I could do what does the best look like this is one of the dualities of having high standards I suppose that you basically can never meet them uh so many things I guess and a combination of opening up emotional work with therapy and maybe not being in the most robust place in terms of health and sleep over the last six months has been a really ruthless cocktail I may look back on this in six months time and go gay or I might realize that this was a a Justified Insight uh but many things many things and that doesn't necessarily get any easier as more people watch the show as there's you know half a billion people year scrutinizing what you do your wild insecurities seem to be Amplified uh not diminished I think that's going to change Bon hey Chris do you like that you have an 54y old granny who listens to your podcast and loves it Bon I couldn't be happier that you're a 54y old granny that listens to this podcast and loves it not necessarily the immediate target market but we're an equal opportunities wisdom dispenser here so thank you very much for being here Jasper Hamill do you ever find all that positivity and wellness stuff a bit depressing and yearn for a nice reassuring bit of self-destruction [ __ ] brilliant so the positivity bit uh lesso uh but the wellness stuff absolutely what you do have to remember is that I'm like who's the guy that shot s bin Laden O'Neal I'm like the Rob O'Neal of self-destruction and partying I know that the internet didn't get to see me basically until I was 30 but my God I served my time in the trenches from 18 to 30 years old just endless amounts of parties in different countries at different times in different cities with different drugs in different venues different music policies every type of party I'd done and uh I still feel like I'm on self-destruction sabatical from that you know kind of like uh some dude that trained for the Olympics you know he was a child prodigy in the fencing or the rowing or something and he did it and retired at 22 at the ripe young age of 22 that's me with partying uh that being said yes the over optimization up its own ass positivity Wellness thing the like absolute protocol maxing side of stuff just is becoming more and more lame I think people are so Switched Off by lots of that now and I did six months sober the start of this year uh broke that in Nashville a couple of weeks ago or yeah a couple of weeks ago uh so I'll be having a a few Biz sniffing Vapes maybe with Luke at the end of this year um but I have an interesting relationship with partying I because I just did it so much served my time in the trenches the Vanguard uh but there is a place for that self-destructive behavior and I think the the people who are unable to uh ever let go of that are in a particular type of fragility too so who knows maybe this is the um wrestle Tales why do you look the same for like two [ __ ] years now do people age that much in 2 years typically I have the most basic [ __ ] skincare routine in history which is wash your face and then put moisturizer on after the shower I would be worried if I did change in the space of two I suppose you must change at some point right there must be some twoyear periods in which you really do change anyway uh I I don't know all the baby blood that I'm drinking from Mike is rell's seller Jack kunak what do you think of circumcision I knew it coming back around should it be done to infants is it barbaric Jack kunak uh I mean look I see no [ __ ] justification for for circumcision any guy that says this includes Mike actually Mike wishes he was circumcized any guy who says that circumcision is a benefit that it's somehow benefiting them unless there's some weird [ __ ] medical abnormality down there that you need need to chop a bit off the top uh I promise you it's not the and I know this from Yousef who has a very detailed map of all of the different types of foreskin that can happen and he once lectured me about this over dinner so I know uh it reduces sensitivity in the penis it I I know so many guys that are circumcised that basically struggle uh to come during sex and basically can't from oral and I just think God what a brilliant thing it would be if it was just 5 Seconds like the rest of us no uh I I do think it's [ __ ] barbaric it seems pointless it's like some non-zero number of babies die per year from this and it's not even people that are Jewish look who am I to step in and try and tell some religion to do or not do something but culture culture sorry American men why what's going on I don't understand maybe someone needs to teach me why it is that most most Americans we were in a a sauna cold plunge place a year and a half ago for a friend stago and there was a through the back of the gents changing rooms with this huge plunge thing warm plunge cold plunge saer over the far side but the whole thing was nude like guys only dudes uh you'll notice that all of the guys getting out of the hot bath didn't mind but all of the guys getting out of the cold bath had their hands over their junk um I think I was the only guy in there with a forkin [ __ ] wild in this country defund circumcision that's what I say El huin is having a small penis a skill issue uh then definitely put these together in order um is having a small penis a skill issue yes everything's a skill issue circumcision is also a skill issue not having a forkin is a is a skill issue there is no question today that I couldn't have just answered with skill issue skill issue over and over again cro why should I care about your subscriber numbers you don't need to uh you don't need to at all uh I don't think that I really should care about my subscriber numbers but as you just learned cro we need to celebrate our small wins it is the way that we are going to keep ourselves motivated and rejuvenate ourselves ready for the next thrust Juan granas when what are you looking forward to in your Australia trip and how can we make the trip more enjoyable for you what a lovely question what would I like I would love um I would love to have some good Aussie food I would really love to experience that cool pool where the Sea comes up onto it and I would just like you guys to bring the Curiosity in the energy and the inquisitiveness that I get the sense that you all have uh the by GDP or whatever it is um modern wisdom is bigger in Australia than any other country so I'm kind of lowkey thinking that this Oz tour is going to be the craziest one of them all just because first off Australians don't exactly have a reputation for being chill people and secondly it's in terms of density the highest place on the planet that supports this show which is wild I don't know what that says about me uh but I appreciate you all oh that's it I made it 5 hours sleep one Starbucks Bap breakfast b and a little bit of water and no caffeine I haven't had caffeine for a while because I've been on the road and haven't been able to get new tonic look I appreciate all of you um I know that I keep on doing these Q&A really quickly because the show keeps growing uh but I like it I like checking in with you guys seeing how you're getting on what else is happening neonic restock is now available new tonic.com wisdom that's available next day delivery UK and US huge August coming up absolute monster August with a ton of big guests coming up and then o tour November and then this isrel thing will happen before November as well I I'm going to have some food and go to sleep appreciate you bye